Thrills, chills, spills, systematic oppression...you know, the usual.

Great news, Action Freds!  Sharing your frivolous athletic endeavors just got even easier!  Yes, thanks to Shimano, now you can ride with a camera that will auto-record every time you "attack:"

Both models get auto-recording for capturing the most exciting bits of your ride. The Shimano CM-2000 and CM-1100 action cameras can auto-record via ANT+, working with your bike computer and sensors like a power meter, heart rate strap, cadence sensor or speed sensor to detect when you’re moving quickly or working hard. For Di2 users, it’ll even auto-record when you’re in a specified gear range.

Yes, this is just what the cycling world needs: a device to capture the pathetic wet noodle-like flagellations of the few remaining Freds who still ride outside instead of "training" with Zwift:

Given that most Freds can't even ride in the drops (much less turn over the big ring of so much as a compact crankset) this camera should result in the Internet being clogged with thousands upon thousands of hours of truly pathetic video, though I suppose it will be a net benefit to society if it results in more cinematic masterpieces like this one:

I don't know anybody involved in this video but it makes me happy my logo was there to witness it all:

So which is more dangerous: cycling with aerobars, or cycling without a helmet?

That's a rhetorical question of course:



And they're even more dangerous when paired with ludicriously high #whatpressureyourunning:



I uploaded this video as a possible warning as what can happen if you inflate clincher tires to more than 125 psi, I bought Vredestein Tricomp clincher tires for my bike because they have a 175psi rating printed on the sidewall see Vredestein.com , I wanted to experment with higher pressures and hopefully get less rolling resistance. I inflated my tires to 110 psi and rolled down a hill untill the bike coasted to a stop, then tried it again with 140 psi, I went further and faster at the higher pressure. Then at my next race I inflated my tires to 140 psi and near the finish line the rear tire popped off the rim and locked against the frame locking the rear tire and causing me to take a tumble it was my fault because I did not know that all rims have a max pressure rating of 125 psi for clinchers, since I like the higher tire pressures I have switched to Tubular wheels, Zipp recommends 140-145 psi for my Tangente tubular tires, check out my next Video "The 2012 Iowa State Cy-Man Triathlon" and see how well they handle.

I totally admit that back when I was a Cat 5 I made a similar mistake.  (I've since upgraded to Cat 6 of course.)  Fortunately though my tires didn't blow off the rim and instead what tipped me off to my dangerously high pressure was that IT FELT LIKE MY TEETH WERE GOING TO RATTLE OUT OF MY FUCKING SKULL.

That and somebody who knew better probably told me I was an idiot.

By the way, I realize I've probably featured every one of the above videos at least once before, but they all bear repeated viewing because it's important to learn from other people's mistakes.  Just make sure you don't laugh at them at all because they're not funny, not even a little bit.  Triathletes falling off bikes is serious business.

Speaking of serious business, we all know that's what driving cars is, and that cyclists just make drivers' important work more difficult.  Australians know this better than anybody, which is why they force their cyclists to wear foam dunce caps at all times, and why their car enthusiasts pen insightful satire like this:

(Via @EricMBurgeson)

Yeah, yeah, you know the drill by now.  First he starts in with the Lycra:

1. All that Lycra

There's a reason you don't see hordes of helmet-wearing, race suit-clad drivers buzzing around a table piled high with cappuccinos at your local cafe every weekend. And that's because most drivers understand that their vehicle is largely a mode of transport, and that not every trip is an attempt to set a Nurburgring lap record. 

Wait a minute.  This guy reviews cars and he doesn't think people drive around thinking they're race car drivers?  Seriously?  Do they really not have people in Australia who drive tuned Honda Civics with carbon fiber hoods and eighty decals on the rear windshield?  Does BMW not export cars there there?  I find all of this difficult to believe.

And eventually he finishes with the "attitude:"

5. The attitude

There’s just so much that comes under this heading that it’s hard to know where to start, but basically cyclists seem to be furiously angry and put upon people. Cover them in Lycra and they become rage monsters; shaking their fists and screaming expletives at any motorist who dares to use the road (which was designed, let’s not forget, to convey motorised vehicles) anywhere near them. 

Wow, this Andrew Chesterton is sublimating a lot of deep-seated resentment for the fact that he's a failed car journalist into a hatred of cyclists.  I could devote a lot of my masterful verbiage to explaining why everything he says above is completely moronic, but it would be a waste of my considerable abilities, so instead here's a picture of him slaking his thirst by drinking from a soiled bedpan:

Here's one of him eating out a pig's asshole on an artisanally curated porcine analingus table he had crafted expressly for the occasion:

And here he is a little later on, demonstrating the ample rear seating area of the 2017 Kia Rio by slathering his crotch with Vegemite and tricking a large dog into fellating him:

Putz.

Lastly, here in Canada's bidet, all is not well.  (YA THINK???)  Indeed, a legislator in Montana has drafted a bill that would ban cyclists and other non-motorized road users from many public roads:

Montana cyclists could see their road ride route options drastically reduced if a draft bill in the Montana House of Representatives moves forward as written. LC2196, sponsored by freshman legislator Barry Usher of district 40, would prohibit cyclists, runners, walkers, and those in wheelchairs from two-lane highways outside of municipalities when no shoulder is present.

Usher claims that the bill was inspired by safety concerns, while opponents contend that the measure is a clear attempt to disenfranchise non-motorized road users.

What a shame.  I expect more from the great state of Montana.

Wait, actually that's not entirely true.  By no means am I condemning the entire state, but it does happen to be the one Richard Spencer comes from:

The founder of the neo-Nazi website the Daily Stormer has announced that the site’s campaign of harassment against Jews in alt-right leader Richard Spencer’s hometown of Whitefish, Montana, will continue with an armed march in January. Andrew Anglin claimed on Thursday that 200 people are already expected to participate in the march “against Jews, Jewish businesses and everyone who supports either,” which will take demonstrators carrying “high-powered rifles” through the center of the town.

Harassing Jews in a town named after one of their most favorite foods?  Now that's just rude:

(Whitefish.  So good.)

Now I gotta go eat.