Where have you been all morning?!?

Happy Beaver Moon!

(Via BKJimmy)

Do you know the Moon has not been this close to the Earth in 69 years?

(Do not click this link unless you want to visit Auto-Play Hell.)

Hey, don't look at me, it's just science.

Speaking of not looking at me, at least one commenter mocked my "middle-aged white guy shoes" not too long ago:

Alas, I wish I could return to those simpler days, because apparently now I'm supposed to burn them:

Hey, naturally as a member of the cultural elite (I am the world's greatest bike blogger after all), I'm profoundly disappointed in the election results.  I'm also a veteran of the sanctimonious shoe wars, having worked for a certain documentary filmmaker during his promotion of a film about Nike's shitty labor practices.  Nevertheless, I'm not burning up my goddamn shoes to spite my feet--especially when my alternatives are sneakers made by children or small-batch artisanal footwear made from chia and hemp.  (And it's not like my sneakers are even made here, I think New Balance makes like three pairs a year in Maine and they cost like $800.)

The point is that keeping lazy Americans in athletic shoes is a sordid affair no matter which brand you're buying, so I'll burn mine only when the foot funk gets so overpowering I can smell them from the closet, thankyouverymuch.

And while we're talking about politics (however tangentially), third-party candidate Gary Johnson's post-election plans are to ride the Continental Divide:

Gary Johnson has run for governor of New Mexico twice and won both times, and he has run for president of the United States twice and lost both times.

He’s already talking about his next challenge, but it won’t be a try for public office. It will be on a bike, riding nearly 3,000 miles along the Continental Divide from Canada down into New Mexico.

“It’s sometime in early June,” he said.

And it will be a challenge too, because he's not even a cyclist--he's a triathlete:

Johnson, 63, a Taos resident and an ardent triathlete, is referring to the 2,768-mile Great Divide Mountain Bike Route from Banff in Alberta, Canada, to Antelope Wells in New Mexico’s Hidalgo County. He said he is done with political races. At least done with running in them himself.

In retrospect it makes total sense he's a triathlete, since running as a third-party candidate is basically the political equivalent of screwing the race up for everyone else just so you can go for your personal best.

As for the other candidates and their respective connections to cycling, Hillary Clinton had a PR opportunity at a bike shop in the early days of her campaign:

And was also a "charity ride chic" fashion plate back in the '90s:

(Bill's like "Fuck helmets.")

Whereas our President-elect (I wash my hands every time I type that) will be the only President to have had his name on a stage race, assuming he doesn't vanish in a puff of sulfur before taking office:

That's excluding Grover Cleveland's "Tour de Cleve" back in 1887, which was terribly unpopular as he grossly underestimated the popularity of the safety bicycle:

By the way, now's probably the time to cash in on that Tour de Trump memorabilia by putting it on eBay (assuming you haven't burned it along with your New Balances):

Check out this handsome garment:

They just don't make promotional windbreakers like that anymore:

It's the perfect ultra-ironic costume for the upcoming SSCXWC in Portland:

Though even in in the best of times Portlanders are somewhat humor-challenged, and even at an ostensibly irreverent event like this one odds are you'd get egged--and severely too, given how many people out there must have chicken coops.

And let's not forget Jill Stein, who (as you've no doubt seen on John Oliver's show) made a cringeworthy song about cycling:

She’s out there in the sun and underneath the stars
On a roll, she’ll try to go, don’t get there in their cars
Bikers of the nation are the future generation
[???] 
But to her, it’s a salvation
Ridin’ through the streeeeeet and a sensation
Driven by the vision of a common liberation
Silver wheels are shining you can see her from afar
Hold on to your hat, here comes one less car

Plenty of people laugh at this (and rightfully so), though to her credit she was ahead of her time in terms of sheer bicycle-related smugness--though had she recorded the song today she'd no doubt have made obligatory mention of her Nutcase helmet.

Anyway, inasmuch as basically every candidate this year had at least some relationship with bikes at some point, it's clear to me that it's only a matter of time before bicycles break back into the political mainstream, just like racism has.

I mean it's no Bush vs. Kerry, but still:

That election was like the Apocalypse of Fredness, and I'm surprised the world didn't end...

...though given the results of this election maybe it has.

In other news, if you're wondering what happens to all those Kickstarters that get funded immediately and then you never hear about them again, consider the story of the Brim Brothers shoe-mounted power meter:

Zone DPMX is the world’s first wearable power meter. It’s affordable, portable, and provides dual left and right power measurement. Attached to your shoes, not your bike, so you can move between bikes and measure power on all of them. Compatible with Speedplay® Zero pedal and cleat systems, and works with ANT+® bike computers and smartphones. From best bike to winter bike to trainer to loaner, just change bikes and go – and your power meter goes with you.

It was funded immediately, because Freds are idiots who get excited about stuff like this:

Everything is on your shoes, and installation is as easy as fitting new cleats. There’s nothing on the bike, not even a magnet, so you have your own power meter whatever bike you choose to ride. That means you get consistent power measurement and recording every time you ride. No more frustration because your power meter is on your other bike. No more wondering whether different power meters are calibrated the same.

Hey, I'd rather have dog shit on my shoe than a stupid power meter, but the market wants what it wants.

Anyway, apparently after getting funded and then sume, Brim Brothers fell apart like a crabon frame, as James Huang recently chronicled:

Apparently they failed to adequately account for two things: 1) The product needs to be tested; and 2) shoes flex:

“This was the first time we had had more than a handful of these units to test at the same time and noticed that there were differences between them,” Redmond said. “After a lot of investigation over the last month and a half, it turned out that the force sensor is affected by the flexing of a cycling shoe. A lot of the time, the system is accurate. You think a cycling shoe is rigid, but it’s not; it will flex just a fraction. And what we found was that this was affecting the sensor plates more than we thought it would. And in some circumstances, it could contribute to quite a serious accuracy problem.

Oops.

The upshot is that the donor Freds lost their money, and so did the inventor:

“I am one of the people who lent the company money, and we’re not going to be repaid. I was unpaid for the last eight years. I got no salary. I just lived off of my family for the last eight years, plus put quite a lot of cash into the company. It’s certainly not as simple as some people think it is — far, far from that.”

So there it is.

And to his credit, at least he isn't throwing a Tantrum:



I dunno, maybe it's good and maybe it isn't, but at a certain point I strongly believe that it's enough with the mountain bike technology and at a certain point people just shouldn't be able to ride in certain places.

I know it's human nature to want to go boldly where no person has ever gone before, but if we don't stop the madness soon there's no place on earth you'll be able to be alone and the same idiot Mountain Bros you see riding around the park with baggy shorts and using speaker systems on their handlebars are going to be crossing Antarctica and summiting Everest.

In 10 years base camp in Nepal is going to be a parking lot filled with pickup trucks and empty hitch racks.

Lastly, here's your robot-welding porn of the day:



Here's more on this factory from an article I found:

The Tianjin-based manufacturer, which claims to account for 12-15% of China’s total annual bicycle production, counts Avanti, Bianchi, Cannondale, Scott and Walmart amongst its long list of international clients.

It's infusing the bike with Italian passion.