Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Just Noodling Around

Firstly, it looks like the Walz limited edition BSNYC "collabo" (I collaborated with myself on it) cap is officially sold out:


I can't believe they sold all two.

Fortunately there are still various other styles to choose from (including the books, which you're welcome to strap to your head), but you'll be pleased to know that we plan to bring you more limited edition caps in the not-too-distant future.  Indeed, some of you have expressed a desire for caps in colors other than black, and to that end I've decided to make the next design a collabo with you, my cherished readers.  Granted, I'm not sure how I'll do that exactly, but I imagine I'll open the design up to some sort of public comment period, like the Department of Transportation does before they put in a bike lane.  And I'm sure it will play out exactly the same way, in that nobody will bother to show up, the design will eventually come out anyway, and then everyone will berate me for how awful it is and ask why they weren't consulted.

In the meantime, please feel free to send suggestions either to the bottom of this post in the form of a comment, or to me directly via the electronic mail.  Also, keep in mind there are certain things Walz simply won't do, including but not limited to:

--Incorporating a plume
--Incorporating a beverage holder
--Incorporating a fan or other cooling technology
--Kippot production (the manufacturing guidelines and Rabbinical approval process are too onerous)

Believe me, I've asked for all of the above, so I know what I'm talking about.

Other than that I'm open to anything, because I need to sell lots of caps.  That way I can buy a back-up WorkCycles just in case my current one gets stolen again.

Then, once I've cornered the hat market (hey, a tricorne hat, now there's an idea), I'll probably branch out into limited edition BSNYC pool noodles, since they're poised to become the hot new cycling safety accessory:


(Via CommieCanuck)

Which is ironic, because Mario Cipollini says nobody is safe from his pool noodle:


When Cipo unzips his pants the theme from "Jaws" plays.

As for our enterprising Torontonian, he's found that ever since he started cycling with a foam feeler protruding from his rack drivers have given him more room out there on the road:

“People get really insulated inside a vehicle,” Huska said. “They don’t really know where the edges of their vehicle are.”

This is true, though in fairness to them they generally don't know where the edges of their own bodies are either.

It's called the Tim Hortons Effect.

But, for the past year, drivers have given Huska a wider berth.

Now, when he mounts his trusty two-wheeled steed, Huska is protected by a pool noodle.


The key, apparently, is that the pool noodle is both laterally floppy and vertically floppy:

Strapped to his bike’s frame with bungee cords, the floppy foam cylinder is a reminder to drivers not to get too close.

Though if you're considering implementing this technique in the UK, Australia, or any other country where they drive on the "other" side of the road, keep in mind they're directional so you'll need a right-hand drive-specific pool noodle:


As opposed to the left-hand drive models we use here in North America:



Using the wrong pool noodle can result in death, or at the very least in tapping pedestrians on the buttocks with a foamy "FWAP!" and getting punched in the face.

Of course, New Yorkers are no strangers to using pool noodles in traffic, but the difference is we put them on our cars:


(I did not take this photo and don't know who did.)

I'm old enough to remember when bumpers once offered protection to the car, but then they gradually evolved into something that requires protection, because if you return a leased car with scuffed bumpers the bank will bend you over and perform a rectal cash-ectomy.

Gotta love the auto-industrial complex.

In any case the result is people in New York City drive around with all manner of ridiculous contraptions attached to their bumpers to protect their cars while they're stored on the public roadways for free.  Sadly this defensive mindset doesn't extend to actual driving, but fortunately the media and the police extend them every courtesy after they run somebody down because they can relate to the mental anguish a driver experiences when they sustain cosmetic damage to their cars.

Lastly, the LVMH Group is apparently poised to buy Pinarello, arguably the Fredliest of bike brands:


LVMH Group is best known for its high-end brands Louis Vuitton fashion and handbags, Moet & Chandon champagnes, along with a wide range of luxury brands in the clothing, cosmetics, fashion accessories, jewellery, perfumes, spirits, watches and wines arena. However, according to the report, LVMH Group is interested in expanding into the sports, wellness and leisure markets with cycling's prominent brand Pinarello as its primary purchase objective.

I commend them on their choice, as Pinarello will make a fine addition to their exquisite portfolio of Eurodouchery.  After this the next acquisition is going to be either Assos or Rapha, and by this time next year you can expect them to offer an $8,000 leather Louis Vuitton pool noodle.

You heard it here first.

81 comments:

Swood said...

PODIO

wishiwasmerckx said...

podiodioum!

Anonymous said...

Turd?

Anonymous said...

Bike throw....!!!

Anonymous said...

Fourth

Joe said...

Will the cap come in "Smart" versions?

old timer said...

Took the bus...

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

?

wle said...

top 10?

streepo said...

scranus

Anonymous said...

After a five year delay, countless public meetings, significant outreach to those who live in the area, and fairly extensive press coverage, Baltimore is finally installing a cycletrack on Maryland Avenue. The response from the anti-bike press, suburban naysayers, and absentee landlords: this is awful- we weren't consulted!!!! Spot on, Snobby.

le Correcteur said...

I want a Pinarello with a Louis Vuitton scrotal seat pack in logo pleather. It can go down in history with the Ford Focus collabo with (some bike maker?); the LL Bean edition Subaru; the Volvo Cannondale team, and other "symbiotic" marketing attempts which are all equally lame.

I volunteer in a bike co op; and one fixie rider came in (back when they were cool, you know) who'd ironically (I hope) reupholstered his saddle in vintage Gucci logo plasti-fabric, that logo stuff that older Gucci purses had between small expanses of leather trim.

Anonymous said...

hat suggestion: a white or light-color so I don't have to wear black hat in the sun

Cyber Killy said...

Dammit missed the pudi stupid work, top 20 i Guess.

HDEB said...

First time in the top 20 - the greatest accomplishment of my life.

Anonymous said...

That LL Bean Subaru did come loaded to the gills with all sorts of features, to be fair.

Anonymous said...

Crowd-sourced design always works out great: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw9gaEiQAxY

bad boy of the north said...

Man,when walz made the cap limited I didn't realize how Ltd it was

Joe said...

Here is my proposal for the BSNYC Smart Cap

Anonymous said...

No plume? Denied!

Trek Jetta

Anonymous said...

The blogularly curated fancy cap market has been, for a long while, simply overripe for the explosion of puce that will surely come from this post.

bad boy of the north said...

Well..on my way to Yonkers brewery for the first time....short trip.a ny recommendations?

1904 Cadardi said...

Go one step beyond the "smart" hat and create a genuinely sentient hat.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Jeez, with all this talk of tapping buttocks, bending over, performing a rectal and floppy cylinders, I need a shower.

Are we still even talking about bikes?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Please make the next limited edition cap in the ochre and violet colorway to match the paintjob on my bike frame.

Freddy Murcks said...

"Strapped to his bike’s frame with bungee cords, the floppy foam cylinder is a reminder to drivers not to get too close." Drivers don't want to get too close for fear that the bike might interpret the closeness as a come on, causing the floppy, flaccid bike penis to become erect.

Tom said...

Anyone here, who lives near NYC, interested in purchasing a 1976 Masi Gran Criterium size 56? It is a classic. has original campy nouvo record group set. It looks great other than a couple paint chips that I poorly painted over and is in great riding condition. I plan to post to Craigslist or Ebay but thought I would ask here first. Sorry snob if this is a misappropriation of your blog. I'm a very long time reader and have purchased and read all of your books, other than the memo pad. I was going to buy the latest Waltz cap, but unfortunately it is too late. If anyone is interested, comment here and I can send you pics and arrange to meet up to give it a test ride. These are going for $2500+ on Ebay but I will let it go for much less than that ($1,500) to a follow reader who will give it a good home. E.g. http://www.ebay.com/itm/1976-Carlsbad-Masi-Gran-Criterium-/272415062028?hash=item3f6d33f80c:g:NvkAAOSwOyJX9Xze Mine is same year and Carlsbad but red and in better condition than this.
I bought it on ebay myself about 3 years ago. I have thoroughly enjoyed it but moving across the country shortly and have two other bikes and this one is the least practical for the city that I'm moving to. thanks and snob feel free to remove this if it is a violation of protocol, however, what a better use of your awesome blog's comments section than passing on some sweet bikeage to a fellow reader?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Tan or Khaki colorway will be my next BSNYC walz cap purchase.

Also,
Scranus

BikeSnobNYC said...

Tom,

You are in violation of the terms of service of this blog, I will require the bicycle as compensation.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: Just kidding!

PPS: Wanna trade for a rusty "stainless" Ritte?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Pool noodles also make good corner protectors when securing items into the back of a pickup truck bed with ratchet straps. Cut to the length required then split longways to fit around the corner similar to foam pipe insulation. Also handy for frame/crank protectors when loading multiple bikecycles on a transport rack.

dancesonpedals said...

Pinarello fredlier than Colnago? I think NOT!

Anonymous said...

And let us not forget He, who, with his noodly appendage bestows yumminess on all his creation!

FR8 said...

For cap I would say tweed or sage green with picture of Litte Red Lighthouse on it.

I may have back-up FR8 for you with all trimmings; no I don't want to trade if for a Rustte.

Chazu said...

cherished readers?

I believed you for a moment! Sarcasm doesn't travel well over the inter webs.

Tom said...

BSNYC, I would definitely be interested in that trade and if you sign the Ritte. Seriously. I can send you pics. I've seen the Ritte.

Anonymous said...

PINK cap, please! Or, hunter orange.

Slogan ideas: "This is not a helment."
"I'm FRED-tastic!"

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yeah good trade. Get rid of that Ritte and get you a Moots roadie so we don't have to look at that rust.

MOnster Ein VInyl said...

Sleaze ball

CommieCanuck said...

If you're wondering where the idea of the pool noodle came from, it has to do with Canada's bilingual French-Canadian roots. About 75 years ago, people realized they were less likely to get killed riding home from the Boulangerie than any other location. In 1968, this was finally connected to the purchase of the Bagette via research institute's experimentation with various breads, including the now infamous bagel slaughter experiment. Now in 2016 we have the low carb, gluten-free alternative.

This is why to this day, the CDN joke, "Is that yer noodle? or you just glad to see me?" is still not old, and if you hand someone a bagel while riding a bike, they are deeply offended.

POOL NUDL

BikeSnobNYC said...

Tom,

Can you send me an email?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Tom if you do the trade then you're still going to have that extra bike to move across the country.

Snob if your "limited edition" sold out, you're not doing it right. Limited edition means the production is limited to everyone that orders it. So a limited edition never sells out, people just stop ordering it. Just ask the Franklin Mint about their collector coins.

Finally, if those pool noodles have a hollow center (and the ones my kids used to have did not), a miscreant cyclist could stuff it with a nice piece of rebar steel, with the appropriate floppy bend, to give anyone coming too close a real surprise. Assuming the cyclist himself isn't hurt in the encounter, of course.

N/A said...

Wildcat, thank you for hearing us peeps in our request for expanded colorways. Obviously, it just started as an off-hand comment, but the fact that you took it seriously really means a lot. This is why you're far and away the best semi-professional bike blogger from NYC. ...OMG, I told myself I wasn't going to cry...


A brown wool one with tone-on-tone BSNYC logo would be sweet.
For the performance material, just a tan-ish color would be cool. How do you feel about argyle patterns?

A super limited-edition with "SCRANUS" imprinted on the visor would be just splendid. Maybe covertly worked into some other art. Oooh, oooh, here's an idea: Various limited edition caps with bits of the BSNYC lexicon printed on it.

Tom said...

BSNYC,

will email you now. thanks

CommieCanuck said...

Pool noodles also make good corner protectors when securing items into the back of a pickup truck bed with ratchet straps. Cut to the length required then split longways to fit around the corner similar to foam pipe insulation. Also handy for frame/crank protectors when loading multiple bikecycles on a transport rack.

Pool noodles, is there nothing they can't do?

Cortelyou DeVlaeminck said...

Snob,

In the future, if you offer another jersey, I'd definitely order something ** NOT ** black-- for precaution's sake both in the city and out, I prefer not to wear any outer garment darker than a light blue. One interesting 'compromise' is the current Bicycle Therapy (Philly) jersey (which is sold out so it's not like I'm hyping it)--

http://www.bicycletherapy.com/2016/07/28/hi-vis-25th-anniversary-kits-are-here/

Granted it'll be winter, someday, but come springtime...

N/A said...

While we're discussing what we'd all like Wildcat to do, while he's entertaining our whims and desires: A collabo with Hyundai seems as though it is the next logical step, I'm sure you'd all agree.

bad boy of the north said...

Finished my two stouty beverages from Yonkers brewery and grabbed a pint glass to go in the process.back on mass transit to the north country.enjoy July in October,noodle or no noodle.

Bluezurich said...

Dark purple with a cream stripe, oh and for the caps, just make it the same as my custom noodle.

Fred and Wilma said...

The LVHM Group Thurston Howell III model Pinarello will have a Moet & Chandon Champagne glass holder and a saddle made by Coach.

grog said...

Cap: Slate Gray with red trim.
Bikeen Noodle: Blue with white stripes.
scranus

The Deer Hunter said...

A cap in camouflage; driver's act as if they don't see you anyway, so what's the difference.

N/A said...

A second-gen Fred Whoo Hoo Hoo hat with a propeller on the top would be pretty boss.

Anonymous said...

That R. Williams bike auction is exploding the pista index

bad boy of the north said...

I know.... how about black with white lettering?

Anonymous said...

I think you already did get input on the design in the same manner DOT does. They get lots of comments on the roads and bike lanes, but they always make them in black.

dancesonpedals said...

He has a brother you know.....his name is Richard

le Correcteur said...

Bikesnob NYC Hyundai (plus collabo with the bank that owns a share as well). What a great idea. There's a reason I read this blog; the creativity and intelligence of the commentariat is splendid!

Anonymous said...

Bike lane green.
Citibike blue.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Tom 238,

Is there an artisanally curated pool noodle included?

commie said...

Any BSNYC cap needs to be 100% carbon.

bikeshepherd said...

The cap: bright yellow with fuchsia trim

Celtina said...

My Murray meteor flite is like riding a wet noodle, lots of flex, daily chain length log, it measured a 1/1120th longer today, commenting from my wife's device today, so DROCK or Paris of the Plains OUT

Anonymous said...

If you could include the word "Zephyr" or perhaps "ZEPHYR" you would conclude a sale with this reader quite smartly.

Anonymous said...

#whatnoodleyourunning - will there be custom noodles for gravel bikes, fat bikes, etc...?

Sclaverand Schrader said...

A cap made of two layers of fabric with a bladder in between attached to a working valve stem (customer choice of either kind). Choice of different kinds of fabric, each requiring a different PSI.

Anonymous said...

Where the feck is mad Ted? My circuits hardly warm up until that T**d has fouled your comment stream...

Kort

Name said...

I am disappointed that Walz cannot incorporate a plume on the caps...

Float my Vote said...

Why am I stuck with a decision between The Donald and Crooked Hillary, if I had a choice I would vote for the Pool Noodle as the Commander in Chief, it seems to have so much more positive things to offer.
Pool Noodle for Prez! Pool Noodle for Prez!

Fred Deadly said...

Yes. A brown SCRANUS wool cap would be a winner...

dem_bieks! said...

The Pool noodle returns! It worked for me years ago. Oh, man were drivers mad.

The Duncan Gay House of Fashion said...


"I've decided to make the next design a collabo with you, my cherished readers..."

Okay:


http://imgur.com/a/CHGJF

Vote Early and Vote Often said...

Vote Pool Noodle!

McFly said...

What about a hat with Peter Sagan hair extensions attached to the lower hem with complimentary synthetic sweat and sexyness?

Anonymous said...

If it must be brown wool please be sure it's the itchy kind.

Anonymous said...

Ha!

Dan Miller said...

So far as I know, painted bumper covers were invented by Porsche. They wanted the 928 to look sleek, and have doomed us to insurance companies and deductibles for even touching two cars together.

leroy said...

Well this is odd. My dog wears a BSNYC cycling cap while writing under a nom de plume.

I got him the new BSNYC cap for his birthday. I didn't know he already had a one with a plume.

Of course, he repeatedly tried to convince me he wrote "The Name of The Rose" under a nom de bloom, insisting I was hearing an Eco.

bike bum said...

ur cap need a target with a cross through it. wait may get a bit messy.....how about farkorf in bold

Anonymous said...

how about a colabo between Louis Vouiton and Cipo, to make leather bar tape with the LV logo printed on authentic Cipo foreskin

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Warren Huska said...

You totally nailed that sound effect.