Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Common Sense Sure Is Taking A Beating Recently.

This past weekend we set out on the smugness fleet for a totally leisurely and utterly unambitious ride around the neighborhood: a little shopping, some lunch, a stop at the playground...  You know, pretty much the opposite of this:


I mean good for them and all, but as far as I'm concerned no fucking way.

Anyway, at one point we were strapping our 1.5 year-old human child into his little kiddie seat when an elderly woman approached us, and in an accent I couldn't readily identify said:

"Please, you be very careful with my baby."

I gave her a tight-lipped smile and then proceeded to ignore her, but what I really wanted to say to her was the following:

1) It's not your fucking baby.  It's our baby.  We paid for him.  So unless you want to start contributing to his college fund you can drop that "my baby" shit right now;

2) Do we look like we're not being careful?  This is the very finest in Dutch bike technology, and he's even wearing a helmet--which, to be honest, I only bother putting on him so concern trolls like you don't bother me.  But it doesn't even seem to be working for that, so I might as well chuck the damn thing in the trash can on the corner.  On second thought, why don't you do it for me?  [Hands woman helmet, pedals off indignantly];

3) We're traveling about one (1) mile, at maybe 9mph tops, in a quiet residential neighborhood.  The risk factor here is maybe slightly higher than pushing him around on the sidewalk in a stroller.  Meanwhile, car crashes kill thousands of child passengers every year, yet I don't see you walking around the neighborhood exhorting parents to be safe with "your baby" as they strap their kids into their SUVs.

[By the way, some people complained my posts last week were too upbeat.  Please.  When you consider this is the dialogue that runs through my head when I encounter well-meaning old ladies, you'd be out of your fucking mind to question my misanthrope bona-fides.]

Anyway, I forgot about all of this because as a cyclist in a car-centric society I'm used to people having a completely skewed perception of risk, but then I remembered it again when I read this:


Getting children to mow the lawn is a common way to teach them responsibility. But a new study found that more than 9,000 youngsters are injured in the U.S. every year while mowing the lawn.

The researchers compared pediatric-mowing injuries during a recent 10-year period with the previous 15 years. The number of children who get hurt annually hasn’t changed in more than two decades, they found.

Yes, apparently while we're busy fretting about kids and bike helmets it's a fucking landscaping bloodbath out there:

Cuts, burns, fractures, amputations and projectile injuries caused by flying objects thrown up by the mower were the most common injuries. Most injuries affected hands and fingers, followed by toes, feet, face and eyes. Many injuries were disfiguring and would become even more so as children continued to grow, the study said.

Yeesh.

So why is it that we see bicycle helmet PSAs like this:


But the only child lawnmowing PSA I can think of is Lawnmower Deth's seminal 1990 album "Ooh Crikey It's... Lawnmower Deth?"


Which, I might add, is worth it for the song "Satan's Trampoline" alone:

Big and fat and bouncy,
Rectangle on the floor,
You bounce and bouncer,
'Till you can't take anymore,
You'll bounce for ever, you try and look so mean,
You'll wish you'd never been on Satan's Trampoline.

And yes, the American Academy of Pediatrics does recommend that kids wear safety goggles while mowing, but they devote a hell of a lot more ink to tricking your child into wearing a plastic bicycle hat at all times:


If you own a dog then most of these tips should be familiar to you, because teaching kids to be safe is less about making them think and more about eliciting a Pavlovian response:

Reward your kids for wearing helmets
Praise them; give them special treats or privileges when they wear their helmets without having to be told to.

Also, it's important that they know helmet use is an all-or-nothing proposition, and if they don't wear one they're going to be stranded or abandoned:

Don't let children ride their bikes unless they wear their helmets
Be consistent. If you allow your children to ride occasionally without their helmets, they won't believe that helmet use really is important. Tell your children they have to find another way to get where they are going if they don't want to use their helmets.

Holy shit.

And don't limit the scaremongering to your own child.  Make sure you frighten and confuse the shit out of all the neighborhood kids as well:

Encourage your children's friends to wear helmets
Peer pressure can be used in a positive way if several familis in the neighborhood start making helmet use a regular habit at the same time.

Let me tell you how all of this works in practice, because I see it every time I go to the playground: A bunch of kids are tearing around on foot, climbing and jumping and generally having a blast, and then they all decide to jump on their shitty plastic scooters--but as they do their parents leap from the benches and shout "PUT ON YOUR HELMETS!"  This totally kills the vibe, and the kids put on their ill-fitting helmets with the straps hanging down to their knees, then they push themselves around on their scooters in a desultory fashion for a few minutes before abandoning them again.

The end result of all this is that they perceive any human-powered conveyance with wheels as a pain in the ass and associate it with their parents' shrill, panicked cries instead of with fun.  In fact, many of them don't even graduate from scooters to bikes...because why would they?  Then when they grow up they decide, "Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai."

But sure, helmet use is important, because head injuries can occur AT ANY TIME:

Remember: Head injuries can occur on sidewalks, on driveways, on bike paths, and in parks as well as on streets. You cannot predict when a fall from a bike will occur. It's important to wear a helmet on every ride.

All of this goes for running too, which is why I can't wait until they start making kids wear helmets in gym class.

You know what I'd like to see instead of "How To Get Your Child To Wear A Bicycle Helmet" from the American Academy of Pediatrics?  How about "How To Get Your Child To Ride A Bike?"  Yeah, no chance--but they're happy to tell you all about death by tricycle:


Tricycle accidents were the most common cause of toy-related deaths in children in 2012, yet there is little research available to the public regarding tricycle-related injuries in the pediatric population.

Granted, tricycles are fucking stupid, but come on.

And while motor vehicle injuries are a leading cause of death for American children, you'd be hard-pressed to find anything discouraging you from putting your kid in one, though you will find advice for how to get your obese child in a car seat:

Obesity epidemic...  Car dependence...  Hmmm, wonder if there's a connection there?

Indeed, the number of child vehicular heatstroke deaths alone is roughly equal to the number of child bicycle deaths:


So basically we're a nation of helmet hysterics who are too stupid not to bake our children like potatoes.

Of course, none of this is to diminish the threat cycling children face from drivers, but let's not forget that here in New York City it's perfectly fine for the drivers to run them over while they're walking as well.  In fact, a Queens judge has now ruled that the Right Of Way law is "unconstitutional:"


A Queens judge has ruled that a key portion of Mayor Bill de Blasio's Vision Zero plan is unconstitutional, a ruling that threatens to upend the mayor's pedestrian safety program. NY1's Grace Rauh reports.

To refresh your memory, all this law does is make it a criminal misdemeanor for a driver to injure or kill a pedestrian in the crosswalk with the right of way--and police barely enforce it anyway.

At this point I think it's fair to say New York City's institutional sanctioning of killing people with cars qualifies as a human rights violation, and I'm now looking into how to bring the issue before the Human Rights Council:

On 18 June 2007, the Human Rights Council adopted resolution 5/1 entitled “Institution-Building of the United Nations Human Rights Council” by which a new complaint procedure was established to address consistent patterns of gross and reliably attested violations of all human rights and all fundamental freedoms occurring in any part of the world and under any circumstances.

The complaint procedure addresses communications submitted by individuals, groups, or non-governmental organizations that claim to be victims of human rights violations or that have direct, reliable knowledge of such violations.

Like the former 1503 procedure, it is confidential, with a view to enhance cooperation with the State concerned. The new complaint procedure has been improved, where necessary, to ensure that the procedure be impartial, objective, efficient, victims-oriented and conducted in a timely manner.

Hey, I know we've got it incredibly good here by global standards, but that doesn't mean our lives should be worth less than your right to drive your Hyundai with your head up your ass.

80 comments:

Anonymous said...

Morning tri (cycle) dorks

bad boy of the north said...

from vision zero to vision nothing to vision ain't worth nothin'.

The Straight Story said...

Taking my riding mower out onto the interstate for a spin. I'll wear a helmet.

DeWayne Stark said...

Maybe off subject but here is a video of riding around downtown Los Angeles viewed from behind the handlebars of a twenty inch bike. Please don't attempt to try this yourself. Dylan the rider is also the editor of the video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-H9BW_DQPc

ZZ Top said...

Look at the thighs on Mom, that is one serious cycling family (Canadian?).

Kraig said...

Time to rename it Vision zero/twenty

On an other note, how do I get my significant other to read your latest book? Up to now, I've tried everything, up to and including leaving on the kitchen table. I'd like her to get her cynically happy about bikes quickly but I don't want to put any effort into it. Sort of like De Blasio is doing with that vision test thing.

Thanks,

Kraig

BikeSnobNYC said...

Kraig,

You could probably adapt some of the American Association of Pediatrics' helmet tricks...

--Wildcat Etc.

The Bear should have gotten the Academy Award said...

I'm so glad everyone in that family is wearing a helmet. If the bear that mauled Leo in The Revenant runs out of the woods and attacks them, none of them will get a concussion.

dnk said...

Snob,

Thanks for the PSA on common sense.

bad boy of the north said...

not to take away from the serious part about injuries,but my neighbors' twenty year old son injured his pride last year,when he became pissed off that he couldn't start the mower,and in frustration,had a tantrum and overturned the mower and threw it.lob help us all!

21st Century Cave Art said...

Unconstitutional! I'm off to ride my bike...

Anonymous said...

It was pretty rough when my brains spilled out that time. Always carry an extra tube, that's what I say.

JLRB said...

I can't believe those people let their child cut the lawn without a helmet

Anonymous said...

I wonder what pressure that lawn mower is running?

bieks said...

Parenting 101: Scare your child out of cycling so they have more time and energy to mow the lawn. Bonus - now that you don't have to mow the lawn, you can bugger off for a bike ride instead.

Google wants me to ID pick-up trucks. Fuck it, I'm buying an F-350.

Anonymous said...

So, 2 year olds have more injuries on tricycles than other age group? Wow, talk about a dog bites man story - I mean, I thought the 75 and older population were the ones who can't ride...er...drive tricycles.

My kid cuts the lawn with flip flops on and no helmet.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...I've trained my human child to avoid being caught by the NYPD while she's on her bicycle sans helment. One way is to look like you are not having fun while the police look your way.

...I've noticed that if you display too much joy while riding, they stop you. Gotta look miserable.

Anonymous said...

Like on the streets, it's the internal combustion engine that makes mowing dangerous. A manual reel mower gets the job done with little noise, excellent exercise, and low risk of injury. How un-American!

Frickus Rungus said...

Great post today wildcat!

Here's today's installment of "Things Wildcat Never Said": linky

ubercurmudgeon said...

Is the head office of the American Academy of Pediatrics surrounded by a nice quiet road? It would be so enjoyable to recruit a few families, with children old enough to ride their own bikes safely, to cycle round and round the block outside their office, waving and ringing their bells with the wind flowing through their unhelmented hair. From the rabid nonsense they publish, it would presumably drive those inside raving mad. Although it would probably only last half an hour before they called the cops with accusations of child endangerment.

OK, I've now checked on Google maps, and they are located right next to an Interstate tollway, with another busy multiple-lane highways on another side. Of course.

Grump said...

The way to protect pedestrians is to enact a mandatory helment law for them. In 2014 there were 50,000 injuries to cyclists in the U.S. ...In the same year, there were 78,000 injuries to pedestrians......Why isn't there a "push" to get pedestrians to wear helmets while walking around?....Just to throw this out....34% of pedestrians were legally drunk with they either were run over by a car, or fell on their head, and died, while "only" 19% of cyclists were legally drunk when they were killed.

leroy said...

I don't mean to brag, but as for my misanthropic bona fides, I have a talking dog complaining about the voices in my head.

T said...

A few years ago, as my sister was puttering along a quiet country road on her bike some lady standing in her driveway yelled at her "where's your helmet!"

My sister was 31 years old at the time.

crosspalms said...

Here's another way children get hurt mowing the lawn: people run them over. I haven't seen a followup on that yet, but Streetsblog Chicago linked to that one.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

No glare outside, I like that !

vsk

CommieCanuck said...

I do wear helmets. But, I tend to ride on pathways populated by idiots hurling 2 tones of metal and Slurpee cups while texting their BFF.

Tricycles are stupid, and they are tippy, and should be avoided. Plus, they make you look like a dick, at any age.

But the real killer...is the fucking SWEDES and their MůRDEREN furniture. BUILD THAT WALL AMERICA..just don't pick it up at Ikea.

Bad parents encourage cycling, they should have their kids in Sunday school with Father Michael O'lester instead. Something, something, dropped seat post.

I have no idea what happened to Vito, but it appears the Recumbabe has moved on.

leroy said...

As for never knowing when you'll crash ....

Last night I puttered home along Second Avenue in the light rain. It was pleasant, but even I know that's when roads are slipperiest and I was taking my time.

I crashed at about 2 mph when my bike went out from under me on some white cross walk markings at a stop light.

No big deal. Barely a scratch on me and none on the bike. My helmet played no role in anything (other than securing my BSNYC cycling cap in place to ensure that its magical safety features and rain repellant properties were not misdirected).

Of course, it's heartening to know that if a bus ran me over while I lay in the crosswalk, no one's constitutional rights would be violated.

I mean no one else's constitutional rights.

In NYC, it's now a revocable privilege, as opposed to an inalienable right, to take a constitutional.

I remember something about life, liberty, and pursuit racing, but that must be from some other document.

Spooky Perv Happenings in the Snooker Hall said...

Can't believe you remember Lawnmower Deth!

Anonymous said...

LAWNMOWER DETH!!! I had that tape in Junior High.

Anonymous said...

Shit! It seems you are getting closer to qualifying for refugee status in Denmark or the Netherlands. When you get there and are settled, will you sponsor me?

Paul Bowen said...

Commie @12:35 Tricycles can be quite cool actually - just look at Incredibly Badly Photoshopped Man here.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Hey Leroy, I traversed 2nd Ave from 36th to Chrystie last evening also in the light drizzle. I'd have stopped if I saw you in distress. It definitely had that slippery stuff going on. Suicidal delivery guys were oblivious to it though.

I think we'd best prepare ourselves, just not notify the constabulary and get our own satisfaction. After all the powers that be just won't do anything unless you have some kind of registered motor veeHICKLe.

2 years ago my friend was intentionally hit by a car sevice guy from legends car service on 6th street and 5th ave. The car service guy said my friend hit his Lincoln shitigator with his titanium moutain bike. My friend had witnesses giving him the license plate # and willing to sign a statement.
The cops would do nothing about the false police report the car service guy submitted. Nice.


vsk

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

"Obesity epidemic... Car dependence... Hmmm, wonder if there's a connection there?" I'm going to apply for a grant to study that, may add in fast food drive thru's to improve my odds by stating more of the obvious.

As a nation we protect our kids in our SUV's by putting on those adorable, I mean sanctimonious, "Baby on Board" yellow diamond suction cup signs in the rear or side windows. So when we text and drive, hit cyclists and pedestrians, it's all good.

To be stable, tricycles need to have 2 wheels in the front and one in the rear. But for two-year olds, the extra cost to add steering and pedals to such a design is too much.

Next we'll need a study on balance bike injuries and fatalities!

Anonymous said...

I'm 49 and have been riding a bike since I was about 5 years old. I purchased my first bike helmet maybe 10 years ago. I got tired of random strangers telling me to wear a helmet all of the time. Now I wear it only on long rides but still commute (in NYC) without one and skip it for shorter rides around town. I've been in several accidents on my bike, most without the helmet, including a few doorings and a getting hit by cars on a couple occasions, and just some random falling-downs. Scratches, bruises, stiches, road rash etc, but the head has been fine. if you get hit by a speeding car with or without a helmet you're fucking toast. don't kid yourself that a helmet is going to save you. Riding alertly and defensively, particularly in a biking-hellhole like NYC, is about 100x more effective at accident and injury prevention than a helmet.

Paul Bowen said...

"if you get hit by a speeding car with or without a helmet you're fucking toast"

In a nutshell.

CommieCanuck said...

Commie @12:35 Tricycles can be quite cool actually - just look at Incredibly Badly Photoshopped Man here.

Wow, I just found out I'm totally gay.

from the great David St. Hubbins...


Workin' on a sex farm
Tryin' to raise some hard love
Gettin' out my pitch fork
Pokin' your hay

Scratchin' in your hen house
Sniffin' at your feedbag
Slippin' out your back door
Leavin' my spray

Sex farm woman, I'm gonna mow you down
Sex farm woman, I'll rake and hoe you down
Sex farm woman
Don't you see my silo risin' high, high, high?

Workin' on a sex farm
Hosin' down your barn door
Botherin' your livestock
They know what I need

Workin' up a hot sweat
Crouchin' in your pea patch
Plowin' through your bean field
Plantin' my seed

Sex farm woman, I'll be your hired hand
Sex farm woman, I'll let my offer stand
Sex farm woman
Don't you hear my tractor rumblin' by, by, by?

Workin' on a sex farm
Tryin' to raise some hard love
Gettin' out my pitch fork
Pokin' your hay

CommieCanuck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

[By the way, some people complained my posts last week were too upbeat. Please. When you consider this is the dialogue that runs through my head when I encounter well-meaning old ladies, you'd be out of your fucking mind to question my misanthrope bona-fides.]

Nice to have you back.

FR8 said...

The American Academy of Pediatrics will also tell you that vaccines are safe! Square that with the over $4 billion the Federal Govt has paid out in vaccine injury compensation since 1986. I'll take my measles without a helmet please.

And we haven't even started on the gun thing yet!

CommieCanuck said...

if you get hit by a speeding car with or without a helmet you're fucking toast

Yes, but you can get a lethal subdural hematoma just tipping over on a bike and hitting your head.
In the motorcycle world, guys pay >$1000 for helmets with all kinds of safety ratings, tested at impacts of 290g. Of course, if you ever did get and impact at 290g, your head would pop right off like a beer cap and /or your brain would be soup. But the helmet is okay!
Big money in fear and hype, but like most things, there is no black and white response, in the right low speed fall, people with a helmet are better off than people without.

Getting hit with a car kills or cripples you from injuries to everywhere but your head.
Google has the solution.
Imagine the scene in the near future.
Somethign like this/.

CommieCanuck said...

The American Academy of Pediatrics will also tell you that vaccines are safe! Square that with the over $4 billion the Federal Govt has paid out in vaccine injury compensation since 1986. I'll take my measles without a helmet please.

Wow... the IQ in here just plummeted 100 points.
Vaccines were just a conspiracy to destroy Big Iron Lung. We'll never get those sweet polio jobs back again, when America was great.

JLRB said...

And now for a lawnmower PSA

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Maybe that judge in Queens should have recused himself from that case. Did anyone check to see if he commutes on Queens Boulevard, aka The Boulevard of Death?

FR8 said...

CommieCanuck

I'm not sure how open to evidence you are if you are interested in some history of the polio vaccine this is worth a look:

http://us.macmillan.com/thevirusandthevaccine/debbiebookchin

Anonymous said...

Hahahah…. You just have to use the words “it was an Accident!” this works the same way as “its just a prank man”. It’s like a get out of jail free card… I can physically assault a person… then yell “it’s just a prank” then everyone laughs…. In the case of killing someone. Just use the words “It’s just an accident” then the police and officials laugh….

Anonymous said...

thank you so much for this post. just to know that i'm not alone in my opinions about helmets and bikes/scooters is hugely supportive. my three-year-old wears a helmet on his scooter, but only because i lost that battle with my wife. at least this post made me feel better.

Unknown said...

My friend was accosted by some well meaning woman in Central Park when he had his toddler son upon his shoulders. She made a special effort to warn him of the danger of a having a child ride way up there. He is 6' 5" so I guess she had a point.

Hit the Bullseye said...

CC at 101 "Pokin' your hay" Is that like a swing and a miss?

HivemindX said...

I thought that "toy related death" thing was suspicious. In the same was that "LETTUCE IS THE CAUSE OF 90% OF DEATHS in leafy green vegetable related fatalities".

A quick search found a web site talking about the causes of accidental deaths in children. Note that this is depressing as fuck for two reasons. Firstly because it leads with a story from the ER about a child that died because the parent didn't now how to clear an obstructed airway or even that they should try. Secondly because, even though cycling isn't one of the leading causes he still felt the need to mention that some uncited research says that up to 85% of cycling fatalities could be prevented by helmets.

Spoiler, once you make it to 5 your most likely way to die as a child is "accident". The breakdown of "accident" goes like this; Top score is motor vehicle for 5+, it is second after drowning for age 1-4, next is drowning, then fire/burns. After that there are no particular stand out causes, pedestrian (which appears to mean a car hit you when you were on foot), falling, suffocation and "other causes". I guess we can assume that "other causes" may include cycling deaths.

http://www.emsworld.com/article/10323853/causes-of-pediatric-death

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Unknown 1:49,

Your friend is more likely to get diaper rash from a kid on his shoulders.

mike said...

Beautiful,mate.Had a couple o NewYorkers visit today.Total fuckwits with no initiative or original thought.Scary,but understandable.

janinedm said...

Kraig, invite your girl out on a fun ride that's long enough to start feeling joy, but short enough that she doesn't begin to question while she's still out there. Is there a 15-20 mile route that will take you through a park and end at a place with outdoor drinking & dining? Do something like that, but don't be weird like that time I tried to get my millennial nephews to love The Last Starfighter as much as I do.

Tri And Tri Again said...

What about having to deal with the tire pressure on an adult tricycle? There are three wheels, different sizes on the same unit and variable load situations. The mind boggles!

P. Bateman said...

i actually did bust my head open around age of 9 or 10. came in a little hot on my BMX on the ramp we had built out in the street. and guess what?

dad came and picked me up, we went to the ER, i got a few stitches and have been...............................................................................................f....ffff....fff....fine ever since.

Anonymous said...

Trish is a dish!

crosspalms said...

"up to 85% of cycling fatalities could be prevented by [pre-emptively clocking every driver in sight with our] helmets."

fixed it, though the numbers may be affected by the drivers' reactions after they come to.

Violence is not the answer. BUT IT'S TEMPTING

Anonymous said...

I do think reacting against idiots who want to say something else but repress it and blurt "Where's your helmet?!" instead suck. I like, agree with and often parrot BSNYC's insights. However, some commenters are being stupid. Helmets do actually help in many situations, making something minor (bumping your helmeted head on pavement/sidewalk) out of what could have been a disaster, even at low speeds.

From personal experience, I do wonder if many victims of car-bike (or other) disasters here in NYC were wearing helmets. This blog has made me almost ashamed of that instinct, but it's not out of some "victim-blaming" or judgement. It's simply from hilariously pathetic personal experience. When I was a teenager, I was doing a one-handed can-can kick-turn on a ramp (the most '80s thing possible to do on a freestyle bike , and yes, my short-ramp skills meter constantly flashed "YOU SUCK" like BSNYC's power meter). I hung up my foot on the top-tube and ended up smashing a tooth and turning the side of my face to bacon. Were my helmet on my head instead of in the garage, I would have emerged completely unscathed (but for my pride).

It was a pretty wimpy fall, but I couldn't get a hand out to keep my face from hitting the asphalt at the bottom of the ramp. I think a lot of wimpy commuting accidents are probably on the same level, especially with all the fucktards in their Escalades here in NYC. 30 years later, this memory still makes me put on a helmet in most situations. You don't have to.

Anonymous said...

"P. Bateman said..."

Ha! Two takes on two lame BMX accidents. I typed mine (above) while you posted yours. You sound like less of a pussy.

dancesonpedals said...

Polio...Whenever a patient tells me they had childhood polio, I put down my pen and ask how they were treated, where they were treated...the nuts and bolts. Just tell me what it was like in 1946


...well, I was 4 years old and my mother called the doctor because I had a fever...I was playing outside and the doctor said he would come back and see me again because something wasn't right...when he came back I was paralyzed (what did he do?) he put me in the back of his station wagon and he and my father took me all over Brooklyn and 4 hospitals refused to admit me.. (and you wound up where?)

the infectious hospital on 125th street in Harlem. I was in an iron lung for 6 months before I got better


I like vaccines.

Anonymous said...

Also - muy typos in my post. The gist was fuck these non-cyclists who ask where your helmet is (or some variation thereof) but maybe letting your anger at them (or even fatality statistics) dictating your personal helmet policy is a mistake. A helmet can keep you handsome/beautiful. My lack of one means I can't grow a sexy beard because of the scarring (plus one sideburn always looks wrong).

Too much coffee today.

janinedm said...

In the winter, I wear a snazzy helmet cover that looks like one of those Russian hats with the furry flaps. The number of times drivers have gotten far too close to me to ask me where my helmet is is infuriating. I'm not handling it as well as Snob, because some of the responses (that I remember, because I go from 1 to Joe Pesci in Goodfellas when I'm riding) have included "you ain't my daddy" and "you're going to die first you fat fuck." Even on the fondant, when that sports car driver lost his mind, Snob had this look of quiet, wounded dignity while, meanwhile I yelled "kill yourself!" So that's a long way of saying I need a helmet for when I inevitably get punched in the face.

Glory said...

"Where's your helmet?!"

"Where's your constitution???"

If you can't beat 'em, Dada 'em.

bieks said...

HivemindX - "Other causes" = lawnmowers. Pay attention.

Anonymous said...

Snob, Thanks for bring back a traumatic childhood memory and give me second thoughts on having my 9 year old take over mowing duties. Back in my teenage years I was pushing the Toro and of all things that blade came off and shot out the back, somehow missing my lower extremities. I can't help but wonder how many children had to give up their cycling dreams due to flying blades. Additionally, for the record I haven't even given any thought about getting my 2 year old a helmet.

Matt said...

Was wearing a helmet (of course) on my first road motorcycle (OH so LONG ago)...one night was idleing down an alley (where the garages are for Condo's in So-Cal), turned a 90 degree corner at about 2 mph and BAM! There was some sand on the pavement, and my front tire washed-out SO quick, I was still holding both grips and both feet still on the footpegs when my helmet bounced off the pavement, nearly knocking me out. Really rung my bell, hardest hit I've yet taken to my brain. Likely would have killed me w/ no helmet. Funny how stuff like that happens SO fast. You don't get to choose.

However, looking back at my childhood (the 60's) w/ our Stingrays, banana seats, butterfly bars, slick tires and zero helmets, keds and tank tops/shorts...just add Evil Knievel to that mix (taunting us into moving our ramps further and further apart on the street), and it's a flipping miracle ANY of us survived w/ no brain damage. I guess the moral is when it's your time, it's your time. Helmet or no, if you don't crash you don't need it, but if you do crash it might help. So don't crash...that's my motto.

bad boy of the north said...

my little sister got into her righteousness mood recently about healment use."why don't you wear one?",asked she.i retorted"snob said I don't have to wear one"."well,it's your funeral"said she.

bad boy of the north said...

just kidding......sorry,didn't use the snob argument.but it was a heated exchange,nontheless.as an aside,she is a protective mom of a ten year old.

bad boy of the north said...

enjoy the ride,all.remember kalamazoo.

BG said...

I can't believe you forgot the Descendents' "Eunuch Boy." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3l38s1FI1o

Dooth said...


"Please, you be very careful with my baby."

"O.k...catch!"

bieks said...

Every time you see someone get in their car, remind them "Don't kill anyone!"

Jerome said...

I remember a front cover from National Geographic, where a kid was mowing the lawn, barefoot, with a nuclear plant in the background (was it 3 miles island?). While the cover pointed at the risks of nuclear power, all I saw was the risk to an inexperienced kid handling a mower barefooted...

Doc Sarvis said...

bikes @ 8:53 for COD

McFly said...

You would love my kids. They go off big Ass rope swings at the lake and climb every damn thing and have excellent core strength and know how to drive boats and motorcycles and break things and say I DIDN'T MEAN TO and dammit I love them little shits.

Anonymous said...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH CRIKEY!

JLRB said...

My childhood brush with lawnmower death came in an unusual way - the lawn was hilly so I was wearing football cleats for traction - they had the metal tipped cleats on them - the lawnmower started to sputter and stall out - I noticed the spark plug wire was coming loose - son- yep - I gave it a little kick to push it back on - I came too about ten feet from the lawnmower flat on my back - but energized and refreshed from the unintentional electroshock therapyW

dancesonpedals said...

The Night Chicago Died

Worst.Fucking.Earworm.

Very Slim Pickins said...

Across the pond they keep a stiff upper lip, not a stiff upper disc. The WW2 lament of the British Soldiers, who said, "There are three things wrong with Americans - they are overpaid, oversexed, and over here". To which the Americans responded, "Well, the British are Underpaid, Undersexed, and Under Eisenhower."
.

Diara Dominy said...

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Maikeru said...

I was with you on helmets at least being an option reasonable people can differ on until I was hit by a car, BACKING UP with enough velocity to put me through its hatch window. The only part of my right side that did not sustain serious injury was my head, cuz I was wearing a helment. I like the wind in my hair and bugs in my teeth as much as anyone, but I prefer eating solid food and wiping my own ass. I'll keep using a helmet, thanks.