Friday, May 6, 2016

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

It's Friday, which means it's recumbent upon me to remind you that tomorrow, Saturday, May 7th, 2016, in conjunction with Von Hof Cycles:


And Little City Books:


We'll be curating a fun-filled reading/presentation/signing-type thing in Hoboken, the Ho-est of Bokens!


I'm even preparing a PowerPoint presentation, so you know it's gonna be good.

You really won't want to miss this, unless of course you do want to miss it, in which case you're beyond redemption anyway.

And hey, it's going to be wet again tomorrow (and, according to the forecast, until the end of time) so it's not like you're going to be going out for that "epic" ride anyway, so you might as well join us and keep it local.

Speaking of offering you incredible opportunities, the haberdashers at Walz are now offering a limited edition book/cap combo!


It brings tears of pride to my eyes when I look upon the many fine goods emblazoned with my imprimatur.  The new hat in particular is exquisitely curated, complete with reflective stripe and embroidered logo on the underside of the brim where you can hide it:


It's also wind-tunnel tested and guaranteed to increase your average speed by at least 2.5mph.*

*[This is a complete lie.]

And thus endeth the self-promotion for the day.

Meanwhile, just when you think New York City has put the last nail in the Vision Zero coffin they find some more room on the lid to drive in another one, and the latest one comes in the form of this Vision Zero helmet, which Brooklyn Spoke summed up pretty neatly:


This morning, the New York City Department of Transportation held an event on the steps of the Brooklyn Public Library at which they debuted a Vision-Zero-branded bicycle helmet. You read that right: a Vision Zero helmet.

Yes, and you'll want to wear it too in order to protect yourself from the facepalm:

You know, I wouldn't really brag about the fact that I've spent a shitload of money giving away hunks of styrofoam that have done absolutely nothing to mitigate the problem of reckless and careless drivers mowing down cyclists and pedestrians on a regular basis.

If they want to litter the environment with token giveaways they might as well just give away Vision Zero plastic shopping bags.  At least you could use those to pick up dogshit.

In any case, I'm looking forward to the Vision Zero-branded pedestrian safety vest:


And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you're better than everybody, and if you're wrong you'll see the most nightmarish scenario imaginable to a Staten Islander.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to don your Vision Zero-branded victim apparel at all times.


--Wildcat Rock Machine




("Yeah I'm in the bike lane, you got a problem with that?")

1) NYC DOT sez:

"Always _____ to peds."

--"yield"
--"yeild"
--"yell"
--"bow"






2) It is very surprising that British Cycling has a problem with sexism.

--True
--False






3) Woody Allen objects to bike lanes on the Upper East Side of Manhattan because they are not:

--"safe"
--"graceful"
--"wide enough"
--"underage"





4) The TwiCycle opens up an exiting new world of:

--"Pedaling" with your arms as well as your legs
--Undulating atop your bicycle like a randy gorilla
--Shifting your derailleur into your front wheel and transforming your bike into a Fred catapult
--All of the above





5) The frontal Aerospoke is back...and it's motorized!

--True
--False





6) VeloNews Senior Editor Caley Fretz called the riders injured in the Red Hook Crit crash:

--"Dumb"
--"Idiots"
--Both "dumb" and "idiots"
--"Probably much better equipped to deal with a stalled motorcycle in the middle of the pack than the typical Cat 4 crabon pilot"







7) Crashes rarely happen in "regular" criteriums.

--True
--False


***Special "I Can't Even"--Themed Bonus Video!***


But he's wearing a Vision Zero helmet so it'll all be OK.

81 comments:

Blog Drafter said...

Bike Throw!

Bud W. Iser said...

Podium

McFly said...

HATZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

dancesonpedals said...

good morning.

Hoghopper said...

It's an exiting world. Right out the door...

P. Bateman said...

top fyva!

P. Bateman said...

damn it

Blog Drafter said...

Waiting for Godot to crash. Scary video that turns hilarious, I couldn't watch it all, tl;dnc.

Freddy Murcks said...

The Giro d'I Couldn't Give a Fuck starts today. Woo hoo hoo!

N/A said...

Holy fucks, a power point presentation?

P. Bateman said...

here's a dumb question:

car tires have ratings for top speeds. does a bike tire theoretically have a safe top speed? or is this apples and oranges because a car is 2 tonnes and a bike is ...just a few pounds + your fat ass, so not really a lot of load for the tire to contend with?

i've hit somewhere around 50+ coming off a hill but that is for a quick moment, not over any real sustained distance. same way you can take that rental car Kia with S or T rated tires up to 125mph for a hot second. at least i'm told...

i've noticed a couple moto-bicycle guys near me that seemingly have hooked up jet engines as they are really hauling some ass. so wondering if a sustained speed of 45mph+ is something a bike tire is really built to handle?



Spokey said...


rats

missed the top decade

Anonymous said...

Watched the entire bonus video and not one wreck. I. Am. Disappoint.

dnk said...

David Byrne "has been using PowerPoint as a medium for art for years"

So says wikipedia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microsoft_PowerPoint

bad boy traveling said...

holy smokes!sending a virtual middle finger towards the little electric rider.wtf?!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

I read it, took the quiz and could have been 9th but stopped to watch the pointless bonus video.

crosspalms said...

And motorbike boy will probably drive that way when he gets a car.

Anonymous said...

Late as usual but hey, I'm just back from vacation.

"Vision-zero branded victim apparel" that sounds about right!

DB said...

The quiz was a little tougher than usual.
I guessed correctly on the two I was stumped on.
83 degrees here in the middle states today. We have a little haze/smoke in the air from the Canadian fire, but I'm headed out for a ride this afternoon.
Have a good weekend, all.
Snob: ordered the hat/book collabo. I'll send the extra book to my son.

Anonymous said...

I watched that video till the end, hoping (just a little) that the douchbag on the motorbike would get doored or run over or something. Very disappointing, I hope your powerpoint presentation will be better than that.

clyde said...

#1 Scranus - glad you reposted your Woody Allen meme today - THAT is comedy gold

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Just like there is Ralph Lauren's "Polo" apparel brand and the US Polo Association has their "US Polo Assn." apparel brand, someone needs to come out with a "Zero Vision" apparel brand. There could be both "No Criminality Suspected" and a "Victim" lines. I offer that idea up here free of charge to anyone who wants it.

CommieCanuck said...

The UCI studied that bike in the bonus video, and concluded no evidence of mecha-doping. Nothing to see here folks, move along. Just hard work, talent, and dedication. What? the gas tank? just one of those retro-bidons.

And by the way Snob, the criterium crash picture from Europe was caused by a stalling electric bike from an Italian team (pick one).

Sorry about the smoke DB, but that's just another reason to vote for Donald's wall.

CommieCanuck said...

here's a dumb question:
car tires have ratings for top speeds. does a bike tire theoretically have a safe top speed?


Excellent question, but yeah, dumb. I'll field this one. All bike tires are tested to a ECE safety standard defined as 2 x LWH, or in lay terms, twice le Woo Heaux. This is done by a team of 20 highly paid people in Brussels.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

28 comments later ...


Cue the spooky music ...

vsk

leroy said...

I don't mean to brag, but I am really enjoying the new BSNYC cotton Walz cap, which deftly melds style and safety, blocking all known mind-controlling government radio frequencies.

Which is more than one can say for the Vision Zero helmet.

To be fair, my dog observed that no headgear could remediate the voices in my head. I'm okay with that, even if karaoke night is getting out of hand.

Ride safe all!

grog said...

Here's a dumb answer: After 46 woo hoo mph merikan, the tires will splode.
FUNK WHIZ
MORE BABE
RIDE NICE

bieks said...

The TwiCycle opens up an exiting new world of:

Clever play on words or hilarious typo? Either way, awesome.

Anonymous said...

Bike tire speeds? The few times I go over 35 mph, it is not the tires I worry about. I worry about frame shimmy, hitting a pothole hard and getting a blowout, traffic too close (bikes or cars). Control. Maybe I worry about tire temperature, overpressure, and blowout if on a very long, steep hill, with a lot of braking. I cannot imagine how a tire designed to stay on the rim when there is 130 psi inside, carrying a 150 lb rider would particularly notice any forces due to high speed. If I'm wrong, show me the math. 60 mph is ~ 12 rotations/sec for a 27" wheel.... Jobst?

Hoghopper said...

It's an exiting world. Right out the door...

P. Bateman said...

Not everyone thinks its an exit only. Sometimes it can be dual doody.

Anonymous said...

Really enjoying the new book. Only about 60 pages in but it has induced several chuckles and it gives some good advice for people new to biking, which to me seems to be a lot of people so hopefully some of those will buy the book.

Roille Figners said...

Check out Inspector Gadget from the train ride today, whose picture I took sneakily. Now granted it's not "Gas Tank Freddie" BUT... it looks like a mountain bike from the golden age, over-equipped with dick breaks and knobbies of course, and there is a battery pack on his rear rack, sitting on two blocks of... styrofoam I presume? Either that or this the world's dumbest/smartest drug mule. It has a hub motor, a corrugated plastic duct for the wiring, and a (not visible unfortunately) kludgy tail-light. But best of all, la piece de la résistance: a handheld lantern/spotlight as a headlight. Magnifique! I do ze kissing my 3 fingers, MWAH, like ze Frenchmans is does for ze "bon apetit!"

JLRB said...

I get so exited when I read this blog

CommieCanuck said...

Roille...that's not a battery pack, it's obviously a flux capacitor, and his Le Woo Heaux Speed is 88 mph.
There is only one explanation. He's a time traveler from Fall of 2016, where after the election of President Trump, and his subsequent declaration of President for life, the choices are life-threatening time travel, or Canada (blah).

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

They actually arrested someone for killing a cyclist

Chazu said...

Everything about the bonus video is dystopian; cars stuck in car traffic on car-lined streets, little foliage to absorb carbon dioxide and produce oxygen, riding on the sidewalk, and..... sweat pants in public.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Rollie, Inspector Gadget has a front V brake, a rear dick break and a disconnected rear V brake. That rear motor wheel is obviously an UPGRADE!

dancesonpedals said...

POC-

I'm glad they arrested the driver (talking on cell, took a short cut through the lane for oncoming traffic), but the rest of the story just hurt...

"She was wearing her helmet, followed the signs, and did everything right," Lough's loved ones wrote on a page created to crowdfund her burial."

DB said...

Commie:
Don't worry about the smoke and haze, hope the fire goes out in a hurry and everyone's okay.

Dave said...

Yeah, I was praying with all my might for that douchebag motobiker to meet with a mishap - not be killed, just some broken bones, blood loss and disfigurement. Now my faith in a supreme being that gives a shit is, like, gone, man. Bummer.

Roille Figners said...

Good call Lt. O! But due to this blatant non-obliviousness I'm afraid we may have to demote you to 2nd Lieutenant Oblivious / 2LT Oblivious.

Dooth said...

9am at a bookstore on a Saturday...the mind is willing but the body, actually--the body is willing but the mind will be closed at that time. Unless...will hot toddies be served?

JLRB said...

TwiCycle - Yep - I've always wanted to expose my face to a chain ring.

More Dangerous than a Bike Lane said...

Will the Tour de Hoboken take a break in a Dunkin Donuts for a car crash?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Oh boy! Power point! You Hobokenese or Hobokians are in for a real treat.

Congrats on the new book Snob. Hope it sells many copies and contributes handsomely to your vast riches.

Dottie R Blindfolded is a Scary Thought said...

"Vision Zero Helmet" My GF has experienced vision zero more than once via a blindfold. Haven't thought of attaching one to a helmet, might look interesting in a photo though.

I wonder if Devon has ever experienced vision zero...

A & C said...

Hoboken, slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch...

Looked Up Vicky and said...

Victoria Pendleton - looked her photos up on the Al Gore invention. You're right, she is wearing more clothes than usual. There's even a picture of her wearing a sports bra with her tongue hanging out, I have no idea what that image was originally supposed to imply, but my mind wandered.

leroy said...

My dog insists that Ms. Pendleton's co-model is the Bear from The Revenant.

But he won't bet money on it.

Still, the bear does look familiar.

And for Hollywood, actor/model/brand ambassador isn't really a stretch.

High and Mighty said...

You 'mericans are just now getting the residue smoke from our four twenty celebrations up here in Vancouver.

Bromptonaut said...

Digital version of the world's best selling book on bicycle selection maintenance and culture now available in the UK via electronic bookseller named after a river. Thanks.

JLRB said...

Dope book dropped on my front porch by a major retailer named after a couple of dudes

So far I have to say I've always had a soft spot for preowned bikes - reading craigslist is like going to the pound - you can't help but to fall in love with one of the discarded bikes and you may end up with more than one.

Enjoy today's bookish folding ride!

bad boy traveling said...

Have a great write-in in Hoboken and a great ride in as well.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I'm confused AF. Janet Sadik-Khan is now the Mayor of London?

Making American Cycling Great Again said...

Giro d'Trump is in the planning stages, plan is to have it follow the American side of the new wall. Prizes in Pesos provided by the Mexican Government.

brianvonlehe said...

Snob, send this to C. Fretz: http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/no-serious-injuries-in-massive-fleche-du-sud-crash/

Jasmine said...

Nice quiz for bike cyclists. I wonder about the question if it related to bikes, ehem, it's still difficult for me to give an answer. Anyway, can you give us the key? :D

Anonymous said...

man! 10 years of bikesnob providing insightful opinions and illuminating the idiocy of the unwashed masses that want to be told how to think, act, and dress.

Don't Suffer Fools said...

That video was so hard for me to watch. I kept waiting for the guy to get doored, or nailed by a driver turning right, or nailed by a driver turning left, or smacking a ped that lurched out between the parked cars. He survived that day but he's gonna get up in the morning and do the same thing all over again. I weep for the fact that we have to dwell with such idiots amongst us.

Ambrosia Starling said...

When I watched the video all I could think of was jamming a frame pump in his front wheel.

Wryguyhi said...

I bought your new cap and book, but how do you feel about Walz promoting helmet use in their FAQ?

BamaPhred said...

It's Mothers Day, and in memory of Mom, I'll share one nugget of her advice:
"Do that again and I'll raise a knot on your skull that Oral Roberts can't take off!"
Of course she never carried through with the threat.
For you younger snobsters, Oral Roberts was a faith healer, and the butt of countless crude jokes.


thomask said...

those monkey bikes are evil:

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/car-crashes-into-headstones-at-melbourne-cemetery-20160508-gop6oa.html

Lani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dop said...

FONDONT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

66 said...

67

67 said...

68

BamaPhred said...

The coveted 69 podium

bad boy of the north said...

finally back to the northeast....saw lotsa cyclists in the dc area while there to visit my dad in the hospital.stopped by a local lbs,bikenetic.very cool place.

Holy Roller said...

Sometimes I wonder, did Jesus ever fart? And if so, what would it smell like? Then again, sometimes I think I wonder too much.

Heaven Scent said...

Just thinkin' Holy, probably a pungent frankincense and myrrh combo.

McFly said...

ENDO STORY: We were doing a fam ride on the paved bike trail and the campground. I was on the Raleigh Competition that I converted to a flat bar campground cruiser. The boards on a bridge were running parallel with the trail............

There were spaces between these boards.....

3 mm wider than my 25c Gatorskins......

Double-scraped both elbows.....she had to untangle me from the bike......

Good times......

bad boy of the north said...

so you kinda McFlew off your bike?coulda been worse.glad your okay.

bad boy of the north said...

oops!grammar correction:you're.geez.too early.

dop said...

McFly-

Nothing like impressing your family as an experienced cyclist.

Like taking my wife out on the south county trail, having a flat, finding out the spare has a hole after using both my CO2's. Then trying to patch it in the bathroom of a mobil station and scrounging for quarters to use the air machine.

At least you have good scars to show.

Anonymous said...

Due to the lack of artificial ingredients the farts of Jesus' time were more organic, and less offensive than ours. Still stank, though.

JLRB said...

I drove the car that I share with a finance company this morning - L Street in DC has a protected bike lane - painted green at intersections, all the bells and whistles.

Clueless duder decided to run red lights to get in front of cars and ride in the middle of three lanes - cagers were not amused. You get the blaring horns you deserve.

Now when I ride tomorrow I'll have to deal with the people that prick irritated.

Pokernet 88 said...

wow!!! this is a good way to lose those you really do like on social media. cuz hes human and its hurtful. He might just say... I need to get focus down the stretch and delete this account. They need to learn what fan support really means. geeesh morons!!!

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