And Little City Books:
We'll be curating a fun-filled reading/presentation/signing-type thing in Hoboken, the Ho-est of Bokens!
I'm even preparing a PowerPoint presentation, so you know it's gonna be good.
You really won't want to miss this, unless of course you do want to miss it, in which case you're beyond redemption anyway.
And hey, it's going to be wet again tomorrow (and, according to the forecast, until the end of time) so it's not like you're going to be going out for that "epic" ride anyway, so you might as well join us and keep it local.
Speaking of offering you incredible opportunities, the haberdashers at Walz are now offering a limited edition book/cap combo!
It brings tears of pride to my eyes when I look upon the many fine goods emblazoned with my imprimatur. The new hat in particular is exquisitely curated, complete with reflective stripe and embroidered logo on the underside of the brim where you can hide it:
It's also wind-tunnel tested and guaranteed to increase your average speed by at least 2.5mph.*
*[This is a complete lie.]
And thus endeth the self-promotion for the day.
Meanwhile, just when you think New York City has put the last nail in the Vision Zero coffin they find some more room on the lid to drive in another one, and the latest one comes in the form of this Vision Zero helmet, which Brooklyn Spoke summed up pretty neatly:
This morning, the New York City Department of Transportation held an event on the steps of the Brooklyn Public Library at which they debuted a Vision-Zero-branded bicycle helmet. You read that right: a Vision Zero helmet.
Yes, and you'll want to wear it too in order to protect yourself from the facepalm:
New #VisionZero #bikenyc helmets! Since 2007 @NYC_DOT has fit & distributed nearly 150,000 helmets to NYers! pic.twitter.com/b8M2ABy8aa— NYC DOT (@NYC_DOT) May 5, 2016
You know, I wouldn't really brag about the fact that I've spent a shitload of money giving away hunks of styrofoam that have done absolutely nothing to mitigate the problem of reckless and careless drivers mowing down cyclists and pedestrians on a regular basis.
If they want to litter the environment with token giveaways they might as well just give away Vision Zero plastic shopping bags. At least you could use those to pick up dogshit.
In any case, I'm looking forward to the Vision Zero-branded pedestrian safety vest:
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you're better than everybody, and if you're wrong you'll see the most nightmarish scenario imaginable to a Staten Islander.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to don your Vision Zero-branded victim apparel at all times.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
("Yeah I'm in the bike lane, you got a problem with that?")
1) NYC DOT sez:
"Always _____ to peds."
2) It is very surprising that British Cycling has a problem with sexism.
3) Woody Allen objects to bike lanes on the Upper East Side of Manhattan because they are not:
4) The TwiCycle opens up an exiting new world of:
--"Pedaling" with your arms as well as your legs
--Undulating atop your bicycle like a randy gorilla
--Shifting your derailleur into your front wheel and transforming your bike into a Fred catapult
--All of the above
5) The frontal Aerospoke is back...and it's motorized!
6) VeloNews Senior Editor Caley Fretz called the riders injured in the Red Hook Crit crash:
--Both "dumb" and "idiots"
--"Probably much better equipped to deal with a stalled motorcycle in the middle of the pack than the typical Cat 4 crabon pilot"
7) Crashes rarely happen in "regular" criteriums.
***Special "I Can't Even"--Themed Bonus Video!***
But he's wearing a Vision Zero helmet so it'll all be OK.