Monday, April 25, 2016

I wish I rode a fixie, hooray, hooray!

First of all, there will be NO BLOG POST tomorrow, which is Tuesday.  (Well, no post on this blog, presumably other blogs will continue to post.)  The next post here will be on Wednesday, April 27th.  If you need a reason, here goes: it's spring break for the New York City schools so I'm taking my kid on a whirlwind 24-hour trip to Cabo to PARTY!!!

Secondly, remember how last Friday I said I was going to be at Bike Expo New York but I didn't know the details yet but when I did know the details I would tell them to you because I have a new book coming out?

Well I did so that's happening now.

Okay, first of all, Bike Expo New York happens on April 29-30th in Manhattan at Basketball City:


It is 1) Free; and B) Equipped with a beer garden that affords one the opportunity to engage in scenic riverside day drinking:


All reason enough to go right there.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, because on Saturday April 30th I'll be leading a ride from Grand Central to the Expo...on a Brompton!


If you own a Brompton this is an ideal opportunity to use yours in its native multi-modal habitat without having to actually go to work:


You can also discuss Brompton-related matters with fellow Bromptonauts, such as tan jackets, commuter rail timetables, and which pedal gives the best grip with wingtips.

Bear in mind though that this is in no way a Brompton-only ride, and you are of course more than welcome to bring your otherly-branded folding bike, or even your non-foldy for added dignity.

Hey, ride a cargo bike if you want--not only don't I care, but I may ask you to haul my Brompton for me.

Best of all, you'll get to point and laugh at a bike blogger riding a clown bike, and even post incriminating photos of him to social media.

Anyway, from Grand Central we'll head down to the Expo, where I'll scribble inside of books for awhile at the Brompton booth, in conjunction with Redbeard Bikes:


Then we'll hit the beer garden and get day drunk.

I'll confirm everything later in the week, but here's the schedule for Saturday as it stands:

The Schedule For Saturday As It Stands

11:00am: Meet at the clock* in Grand Central
11:30am: Tiny wheels down!
12-ish?: Arrive at Expo
1:00pm: Book scribbling at Brompton booth

*This is the clock:


By the way, we're meeting at 11 but rolling out at 11:30 because we'll need at least a half-hour to argue about routes:


I'm tempted to route us over the 59th Street Bridge and through Queens and Brooklyn just because.

But I probably won't.

In other cultural news, it's April 2016th and only now is "Bicycling" getting around to making its contribution to the vast canon of fixie-extolling literature:


Clearly the reason for the delay is that they didn't want to miss a single stylistic element of this time-honored genre, and to that end the article does not disappoint.  For example, like all fixie articles it begins by explaining what one is, even though 100% of "Bicycling" readers and 95% of humans on Earth already know:

A fixed-gear bike, or fixie, is a type of singlespeed bicycle that doesn’t allow the rider to coast. When the bike rolls, the pedals rotate, and if the bike doesn’t have brakes—like mine—the only way to slow down is to resist the forward motion of the pedals, similar to downshifting in a car.

A cynic might say this is unnecessary, but I say it's merely a sign the article is overbuilt, and in this sense opening is sort of a literary gusset, or maybe a prosaic pump peg.  

Next the article provides the equally unnecessary and typically spurious fixie history that is a hallmark of the genre:

Adopted by a band of kamikaze bike messengers in New York City and San Francisco in the 1970s, fixies and track bikes have become nauseatingly popular among young, hip urbanites. (They can also be quite popular among the skateboarding crowd.) Beyond aesthetics, the appeal of these minimalist machines is the statement made by riding one: It’s an act of rebellion. Or, as the author and cycling-culture guru Lodovico Pignatti Morano put it, “a suicidal response to urban conditioning.”

1) What, you don't remember those kamikaze bike messengers from the '70s who were killing themselves on purpose for Emperor Hirohito?  Noob!;

2) Not sure fixies are "popular among young, hip urbanites" anymore, nauseatingly or otherwise.  From what I see the young, hip urbanites are riding a variety of bikes both fixed and free, whereas the "Nobr Akes" set has now spawned, traded their NJS bikes for Subarus, and moved to Westchester;

3) I'd argue it was less "a suicidal response to urban conditioning" and more a conformist response to suburban conditioning.

But of course the true test of any fixie article is what lengths it goes to in order to justify what what a huge pain in the ass they are, and in this respect the article goes all the way and more:

But despite what the hipsters might want you to think, riding a brakeless fixed-gear isn’t so crazy. With some practice, it’s surprisingly easy to scrub speed or even force the rear wheel into a skid. A fixed-gear has at least as much stopping power as a beach cruiser with a coaster brake. Direct feedback from the pedals allows for quick and precise speed adjustments, which are crucial for riding in busy traffic (especially if you don’t always keep both hands on the bars). It’s impossible to lock up the rear wheel inadvertently since that would require stopping the pedals, so it’s easier to gauge traction on wet streets.

Okay, you're on a steep hill, traveling at about 30mph.  There's a busy intersection at the bottom.  Which would you rather be on, a brakeless fixie or a beach cruiser?

Yeah, I thought so.

But wait, there's more!

There are other benefits. A fixed-gear has fewer parts to purchase and to maintain. It’s easy to balance in place without putting a foot on the ground; just turn the front wheel sideways and rock the pedals forward or backward to keep upright (this is called a trackstand). Fixies can even go backward, so if a lane of traffic closes, just reverse and try a different path though a maze of stopped cars. 

Wait a minute: so if a cab cuts you off you're going to stop, ride backwards, and start going again?  Yeah, right.  I know the guy who wrote this won the Red Hook Crit and can ride circles around most of us, but nobody in the history of bikes has ever done what he's described above, except for possibly Serge Huercio:




But perhaps the most oft-repeated yet nonsensical bit of fixie wisdom is this one:

Then there’s the security: A fixie has fewer parts to steal.

People have been saying this for years, and many people take it for granted, but is this true, really?  Consider the fixie I saw in Brooklyn yesterday, which just happens to be the fixiest fixie that ever fixed, right down to the Spinergy Spox (!) up front:


And now consider a bike with gears, like the Ritte I used on Friday to do some Gran Fondon't recon:


At considerable expense to me I hired a consulting firm to compare these two different style of bicycles, and the results reveal they have almost the same number of parts:


Furthermore, the parts the fixie doesn't have are almost never targeted.  Hey, maybe your experience is different from mine, but in all my years of riding in New York City I have never heard of someone's derailleur getting stolen.  As for shifters, they're potentially valuable, but the one time my cockpit was stolen the bike was a singlespeed:


Indeed, fewer cables means your parts are even easier to steal.

And yes, while fixies and gearies both have cogs, it's only fair to acknowledge that the bike with gears does indeed have more cogs.  Still, it's not like thieves are pilfering cogs à la carte.  When was the last time you returned to your geared bike, went to shift, and realized "Fuck!  Someone stole my 17!"

But what makes a fixie article great instead of merely good is when it ends by contradicting everything it just said, which this one does, and elegantly so:

Since decelerating requires effort, the rider learns to negotiate obstacles not by altering speed but by altering direction. Rather than robotically plodding along in a straight line, the pedaler weaves and bobs spontaneously across the road.

If fixies have such great stopping power and traction then why all the weaving?

Even Serge Huercio is skeptical of that one:


("Quoi???")

Speaking of things I saw in Brooklyn, here's a tall fixie in front of an e-bike store:


I'm just glad I switched boroughs while I did, because I couldn't live in a place where a sight like this was normal.

Lastly, here are some tips from the Times for "nervous bikers:"


There is no law requiring adults to wear helmets in New York, and it is common to see experienced riders pedaling with their heads unprotected. But you, the wary cyclist, should wear a helmet every time you ride.

Kristen Phillips, an experienced cyclist, has always worn a helmet.

“I have a theory that people who don’t wear helmets haven’t hit their head hard,” said Ms. Phillips, a sales associate and the women’s program manager at Bicycle Habitat, a bike shop and cycling center with four locations in the city.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For the most part though this is all sensible advice, though I must say that as the coiner of the "s" word I now cringe when I see it:

• Obey all traffic laws. That means stop at red lights, follow turn signals and never ride the wrong way on a one-way street.

Serious cyclists have a term for new riders who go the wrong way on a one-way street: salmon.

“Don’t be a salmon,” Ms. Phillips said. “Salmon are not known for being smart animals.”

Actually, that's not entirely true, and by fish standards salmon are pretty clever:

Through social learning, fishes might learn not only where to get food, but also what to get and how to get it. Hatchery-raised salmon can be taught to quickly accept novel, live prey items similar to those they will encounter once they will be released in the wild, simply by watching an experienced salmon take such prey.[78][79] The same is true of young perch.[80] In the laboratory, juvenile European seabass can learn to push a lever in order to obtain food just by watching experienced individuals use the lever.

Try that with your cheap-ass goldfish.

See you on Wednesday,


--Wildcat Rock Machine



126 comments:

Vernal Magina said...

word.

Dingbat said...

Hang on, going out for my SEAB ASS knuckle tats.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Long time since I strode across the podium here.

Anonymous said...

Top ten!! I'll take it!

Spokey said...

top fiver

Eric the Infrequent said...

Scranus podium. Am I doing this right?

Anonymous said...

Top ten!

N/A said...

SICK FIXIE SKIDZ!

ken e. said...

holy mackerel!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Day drunk?

You should get "white girl wasted."

N/A said...

In the Gran Fondon't recon pic, that sign notes that "No Parking" is permitted, and yet Wildcat has the audacity to park his bike right up against it! Honestly, this is how you catch a beatdown from the cops, and not one bit of criminality would be suspected of them. His flagrant disregard for the rules leaves me speechless*!



*yeah, right.

Dave said...

I'm pointing and laughing already.

Spokey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...

Serious cyclists have a term for new riders who go the wrong way on a one-way street: salmon.

i am rarely serious and never a serious cyclist, but out of curiosity what do serious cyclists call an experienced / long term rider who goes the wrong way on a one-way street?*





*to put in my data bank against the day when i do find myself in serious cyclist mode observing an experienced / long term rider going the wrong way on a one-way street

dnk said...

Serious cyclists first must assess the newness of the rider before applying the term "salmon."

Which makes for a long day.

Red Ross said...

another snob ride! looks like the red ross is gonna have to come out

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

17th, Scranus!

leroy said...

Great. Just great.

Thanks a lot Bicycling.

Like my dog needs yet another excuse to trot out his rant about the indignity of having his gear fixed.

And what's all this about the Ludovico Technique for urban rebels?

In other news, New York Times reports on new technology that may be of use for Brompton Grand Central to Basketball City run.

My dog assures me there are several fine places for espresso in Grand Central.

dop said...

It's those west coast salmon who spawn and die who give salmon a bad name. Atlantic salmon can get laid every year.

Anonymous said...

non-drive-side photo = it didn't happen

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

NOBR AINS
ONFI XIES
BICY CLIN
CLUE LESS

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...the fixie article was missing Zen!

janinedm said...

Let me throw another log on the fixie pile. They brag about having fewer parts to replace, but they go through tires faster than everybody else because they're using them as brake pads when they skid. And tires are one of the more expensive wear-downable (that can't be the word. depreciating?) parts of a bike. They certainly cost more than new Kool Stops.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

30mph downhill on a fixed gear? Unpossible! (What ratio are you riding?)
I started riding fixed because there were less parts to CLEAN in a winter of commuting in London. Still a good reason for me.

janinedm said...

...also if I were going to be in the environs of Grand Central, I'd schedule in a little extra time to hit up the Vanderbilt Food Hall http://urbanspacenyc.com/urbanspace-vanderbilt. Also good over there is 2beans (all coffee and chocolate) on Park b/t 40th & 41st. Also there's a little Japanese market called Cafe Zaiya on 41st b/t Fifth & Madison that has Mochi donuts and a bunch of other pastries I ignore because mocha donuts.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...There's always an antidote to the ills of appropriation.

...If I ever see the tall-fixie in my neighborhood, I'll quickly go home and watch these guys in America's yarmulke give some dignity to tall bikes.

...then I will ride my fixed of gear folding bike (the fixed part cancels out the folding part)

DB said...

What the Hell is Basketball City?

NHcycler said...

Wait...back up a minute...Now I have to ask if the sea bass on the menu is European sea bass?!
Then it'll be environmentally OK to eat?! Too much pressure to be green...

crosspalms said...

The last time someone called a European sea bass juvenile, the fish got so pissed it broke out of the lab, stole a car and drove to Woods Hole singing "tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak."

The Red Rocker said...

If you go to Cabo, you gotta come to Van Hagar's Cabo Wabo Cantina and get the "Can't drive 55" tattoo. I recommend matching tramp stamps for you and the boy. I'll give you two for the price of one.

Freddy Murcks said...

LONE WOLF.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. DB @ 11:50 --

Ignore any communications from my dog claiming that "Basketball City" is a karaoke homage to Mr. Bowie's "Suffragette City," but with the words changed to protest the high price (and unfavorable cost to value ratio) of Knicks tickets.

In point of fact, Basketball City is a large-ish field house on the East River between the Manhattan and Williamsburg Bridges and the site of Bike New York's Expo.

Last year, there were food trucks and beer out back, a wide variety of free energy drink samples inside, and well-used indoor plumbing.

Spokey said...


lob knows the new york times has more than its share of stupid articles.

but this Was your dog taken for a walk was really the pièce de résistance. really? in the front section?

i read through some of that and it doesn't even really deal with dog walking. as far as i got, it talked about tracking your pizza delivery and the comcast cable guy. all i can say is i'm glad i don't pay for that crap.

leroy said...

Dear Ms. janinedm @ 11:43 --

I was disappointed when the Hong Kong Street Food noodle vendor at the Vanderbilt Food Hall closed up shop, but the sushi burritos at the Hai Street Kitchen stand are fantastic.

McFly said...

janinedm,

I like the word perishable though it usually pertains to food.

Where does the saddle go? Surely not on the seatpost.

JLRB said...

Can't wait for the follow up article - Single Speed Bikes are Fixed Gears for Pussies that like brakes 'n comfort (like me)

Freddy Murcks said...

SADDLE POST

Anonymous said...

Thanks to that Wikipedia link, I now know that the deep sea bathypelagic bony-eared assfish has the smallest brain-to-body mass ratio of all known vertebrates.

janinedm said...

also, I didn't know why I didn't think of it before, but if you want, Snob, you can use one of my terms for salmon: fucking dummies or special snowflakes.

P. Bateman said...

A serious cyclist does not use the term salmon because a serious cyclist knows that going the wrong way is dangerous, and danger is not a subject of humor.

by the way, if you want to preview Michael Flatley's Dangerous Games....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sA2D78UxZQ


P. Bateman said...

also, that river next to the beer garden looks pretty atrocious. ever consider moving to san francisco? much prettier...

Anonymous said...

Here in the windy city, the hipsters still ride their stupid fixies, but I see many more non-white high school-age kids on them these days. Fixies are like Honda Civics over here, all tricked out with "sick" parts but still cheap piles of crap when you look close. I guess it's good they're on bikes rather than in cars, though.

Charlie the Salmon said...

dop 1121 I thought the Atlantic variety were over fished into extinction.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

I am nostalgic for the days when I could buy bony-eared assfish buy the barrel.

DB said...

Thanks for that update, Leroy.
I was inflating my tires today to go for a ride before the tornados come later this afternoon and the tire flatted at the presta valve stem. My LBS is 25 miles away, so I called Ben's to order a supply and they said they've had a problem with certain tubes and are sending me a couple freebies. Maybe your pinch flat the other evening was a defective tube?

Roille Figners said...

Yes that's right, people who go in a straight line are mindless robots - ROBOTS I tell you! - not ducking, not weaving, neither pitching, nae yawing. How can you even tell they're ALIVE? Do they know it's Christmas time at all? They don't even know where they are! They don't even have a soul!



“I have a theory that people who don’t wear helmets haven’t hit their head hard.”

Yup and people who wear helmets HAVE hit their head hard. Therefore if you don't want to hit your head hard, don't wear a helmet!

David Olson said...

I would be proud to have been the originator of the word "salmon" now used by non-humorous cyclists (or "bikers" in the parlance) but whoever began the use of "quiver" to describe one's collection of bikes deserves a special place in the gutter. And anyway, everyone knows a group of bikes is called a "snob".

Dooth said...

Ride backwards to find an open lane? Bwahaha!!! Yeah, and a beeping sound blows out your ass while in reverse.

N/A said...

Reverse, forward, whatever. That sound ain't "beeping".

Two Claws said...

You feel as one with the ocean on your "fishie"

NOSC ALES

Spokey said...

can anyone (maybe dop?) explain this fixie-ation with fixies not putting their foot down and rocking back and forth? sounds exhausting. i generally keep one foot clippied in and the other foot keeps me, the bike, my helment, etc upright. when i go, i press with the clippied in foot and casually raise the other foot. takes next to 0 effort. why would anyone want to spend all that effort to not put a foot down?

maybe a century of parenting (3 little bastards all in their 30s) makes putting your foot down seem natural.

commie said...

Snob, I hope you have your knickers and spats.
If not, it will be perceived that you hate knickers.

P. Bateman said...

its because if you step on a crack you will break your mother's back.

do you want to be responsible for her medical bills?

and she'll probably require sponge baths. are you gonna sponge bath your own mother? seems very awkward if not illegal.

thats why it is IMPERATIVE that you start trackstanding. ESPECIALLY with Mother's Day fast approaching.

commie said...

David, the "quiver" was invented about the time of the "Suitcase of Courage" upon an epic assent, which was recently replaced by the "Magnetic wheel and Electric motor of Italian Bravery".

Billy said...

Grand Central? But Amtrak doesn't go there! Riding my folding bicycle by myself rom Penn to Grand Central without a native guide sounds terrifying.

commie said...

We don't worry about cracks in Canada and our mother's back, that's what taxes and universal health care is for...which is also why are roads are all fucky.
As for sponge bathing our mothers, there are internet websites for that, in German.

Spokey said...


pb

my mother died in the previous century so i should be safe from that one. however i am feeling a little uneasy about the possibility that back then i did step on a crack and mayhaps contributed to her demise. i won't even address that other thing you said.

crosspalms said...

Was running some errands earlier today and got passed by a guy on a fat bike. When he stopped pedaling and accelerated through an intersection I realized he was riding an e-fat bike, which has to be the dumbest thing this side of a Segway.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...Mr. Bateman @1:15pm,

...I'd like to think I'm a serious cyclist (I ride daily, and own... well, let's just say several bicycles)... so, as a serious cyclist, I tried to explain to the officer who stopped me for salmoning this weekend why I was salmoning and why it was less dangerous than going with traffic on the adjacent two avenues.

...he wasn't having none of it and gave me a summons. Even told me that the woman that was killed a couple of days prior was salmoning, and that's why she was killed. I happen to know people who know the woman. Long story short, wasn't her fault, but, this is NYPD, so she MUST've been doing SOMEthing wrong to be killed on a bicycle.

...Not to make a case for salmoning everywhere, but when I have my daughter on the bike going home, I will continue to salmon up that stretch of road because it's much safer than taking her with traffic on the other two avenues. As a father, I'd much rather deal with courts than hospitals... or worse.

...Here's a short description of why: the section I salmon on is a one way street that dead-ends on a park, therefore very little vehicular traffic, and it is a very wide one way street. The other two avenues, one is a two lane one-way, the other single lane in both directions and both have bus lines on them and both are as wide as the one to salmon on. When a bus passes, it takes up pretty much the entire lane, if not some of the adjacent lane. in other words, no room for a bicycle. In some european cities (I know I know, rolling eyes), they sanction salmoning for precisely these cases.

...For the record, I don't salmon anywhere else in the city, but have been a proud salmon on this section for the last decade, and only now got a summons.

..So I immediately applied Snob's logic to it: if I divide the headache and amount of money I have to pay for this summons over a decade, it's utterly inconsequential... especially compared to the peace of mind I get knowing--or at the least thinking--I'm safer salmoning that portion of my commute.

...I rest my case, your honor.

David Olson said...

commie,

I see. Fitting, though, as when I need to carry arrows, I do so in a suitcase. Without your last name CANUCK, I almost didn't recognize you.

Tail Gunner Joe said...

Universal Health Care is Un-American and you will be called before the Permanent Senate Subcommittee on Canadian Investigations if you advocate for it.

Carlos Danger said...

My fixie is broken, if Babble or Janine think they can fix it I'll text them a photograph of it.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Benito Mussolini said...

"Magnetic wheel and Electric motor of Italian Bravery" Bravo!, Bravo!!, Bravo!!! I am ordering it's medal be awarded to every member of the Italian Army Bicycle Corps.

P. Bateman said...

@serial retrogrouch - case dismissed based on compelling evidence.

but i also was just making a bad joke, per usual, about how someone who is of a serious demeanor doesn't joke about.

definition #2 - http://www.dictionary.com/browse/serious

Keep Mother in Law want Daughter Back said...

Wishi@504 I was just thinking the same thing.

dancesonpedals said...

Charlie..Whatever may be going on in the commercial fisheries, recreational fishing for Atlantic salmon remains popular. (Although there may be a moratorium in Maine.

Pointless anecdotes:

I went salmon fishing in Nova Scotia, near the Margaree forks in 2004. Your stomach flips when something as big as a salmon swims by.

I went trout fishing in Spain, in the Picos Europas mountains in 2010. (I missed salmon season). My guide pointed to one of the stands and said, "That's where Franco caught his salmon"

Anonymous said...

I actually took my kids on spring break to Cabo once. Big mistake. The hotel, the pool area, and the beach were packed with drunk college kids from cheaper adjoining properties who kept sneaking in, complete with puking in the hot tub, topless volleyball, etc.

Karch Kiraly said...

Ah, topless volleyball. There is nothing quite like seeing man-boobies flopping around.

Good times.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I went trout fishing in Spain, in the Picos Europas mountains in 2010. (I missed salmon season). My guide pointed to one of the seedy hotels and said, "That's where Franco caught the clap."

Anonymous said...

E-Fat bike? At some point you are just riding an electric motorcycle.

dancesonpedals said...

And then I would have charged my tesla, if thee had been such a thing

Spike said...

I once told a girl at a topless vollyball game that she had a nice set.

bad boy of the north said...

enjoy your one day vacation to cabo.give us a full report when you both get back.

BamaPhred said...

Is there any interest in a gravel e-fat bike salmon specific fixie?

Kerry said...

Wait.. Did Snob say 1. Free and 2. Beer?

Fechangku Chen said...

In the desert to the east are two excellent reserves: the Azraq Wetland Reserve and the Shaumari Wildlife Reserve, both of which have eco-lodgcs or campsites nearby. Managed by the Royal Society for the Conservation of Nature (RSCN) (see Conservation, page 11), Air Jordan Shoes,the Azraq Wetland Reserve is one of the best places in Jordan to see migrating, breeding and wintering birds, including the country’s national bird, the delicately grey and pink coloured Sinai rosefinch (Carpodacus synoicus). You may also catch sight of the Temminks horned lark (Eremophila bilopha), the trumpet finch (Rhodopechys githaginea) or in winter the mighty Bonelli s eagle (Aquila fasciatus) soaring overhead.

Lying in the heart of the semi-arid desert landscape, the Shaumari Wildlife Reserve is a few kilometres southwest of the Azraq Wetland Reserve. Covering an area of 22km2, Cheap Jordans,it was founded with the specific purpose of breeding species of animal that were extinct in the local region and those that were endangered. On a visit look out for the magnificent Arabian oryx (Oryx leucoryx), a white antelope that was all but extinct in the 1970s and only survived because of a small protected herd in the US from which a new world breeding and reintroduction programme originated. Today, the Shaumari Wildlife Reserve works with zoos in other countries on a variety of breeding programmes.

'I he Mujib Nature Reserve is further south and is a dramatic place of contrasting terrains. To the north and south of the reserve are mountain ranges, which in places reach a height of around 900m (2,952ft). Ihe reserve hugs the mountainside before falling sharply along the Wadi Mujib gorge with its impossibly sheer rock faces, new jordans,to the Dead Sea. At -420m (-1,378ft) below sea level in part, the reserve is the lowest on earth. It has canyons, rivers and natural pools that prove a magnet for adventurous hikers and abseilers.

Anonymous said...

Ed?

Anonymous said...

"Beer garden." In Germany we have Biergartens (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/04/Biergarten_at_Night_2.JPG), in the States you have tents situated on stretches of pavement. It's a fucking beer tent.

bad boy of the north said...

huh?air Jordan shoes and cheap Jordan's and new Jordan's?hopefully speedplay compatible.

P. Bateman said...

best air jordans were the 6's. so super tight in maroon and white.

dancesonpedals said...

Is that a vagina on your helmet or are you just glad to see me?

Steve said...

I'm so lame my fixed gear bike has front and rear brakes. I must be doing it wrong.

Spokey said...


i'm considering going to a fixie if i can't get the damn squeal out of my breaks.

leroy said...

My dog offered to sell me the win in today's podium sprint.

He wanted $25, but I talked him down to $5.

Joke's on him. I would have gone to $10.

McFly said...

I think I am happy that I live in a region that isn't cool enough for the Fixie Craze to infect. I'll stick with my Lance comparisons any old day of the week.

Example:
[Local] "DO YOU HAVE THOSE PEDALS WHERE YOUR FEET HOOK TO THEM?"
[Me] "Yes."
[Local] "What happens if you crash? How do your feet come a-loose?"
[Me] "Oh you will jettison the bike don't you worry."

N/A said...

I'm going to get a fixie, but I'm going to gear-dope it with deraillers, a 3 ring crankset, and an 8-speed cluster.

N/A said...

Snob's tweeter is showing pictures of his little clown bike all folded up. "Practice run," he says. "Day drinking," I say.

Spokey said...


forgot about the hi-ate-us. even after reading leroy's comment. that and got ready to go out and it's started raining. damn. i'll have to go wash the kitchen floor afterall.

Michael Scott said...

That's what she said.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Just say no to Genetically Modified Scranus.

N/A said...

Nutritionally speaking, there is no difference between genetically modified scranus and regular organic scranus.

JuanOffhue said...

Lumpen Fredetariat — 30 mph on a fixie is possible, but from what I’ve heard it can be painful. I knew a rider named Ed (now long dead) who told me about training with his team for one of the first Little 500 races at Indiana University. They headed into the hills around Bloomington on their fixed-gear bikes, and Ed took his feet out of the clips on the first major downhill he came to. The pedals beat the shit out of his ankles, and he stayed clipped in for the rest of the ride, bloodied but wiser.

jodphoto said...

The fixie article is a pile of shit (theirs, not yours). They are just fun. Shove all the sociology and Zen up your asses and get the fuck over it. Jeesh.

dancesonpedals said...

Juan-

Did the Cinzano Team play a role ijn his ankle injury?

Count of Sprint said...

69

Count of Sprint said...

oops

ah 79

Count of Sprint said...



dman

89

Frickus Rungus said...

Scranus!

Frickus Rungus said...

And the century!

Spokey said...


a highnee-ate-us century. how sweet it is

Spokey said...


oops

damn got frickusd by a rickus

Roille Figners said...

Oh man - Team Cinzano!

Actual train of thought from here leads through a veritable pantheon:

Team Cinzano -->
the Nancy Kerrigan incident shall-we-say -->
the Hanson Bros. -->
"Sweep the leg" -->
Lance Armstrong -->
O'Bannion

Frickus Rungus said...

It feels good knowing that I've accomplished something meaningful today...
I may just have to take the rest of the day off and engage in some "day drinking".

Roille Figners said...

More link salad:
Ed is dead, along with Zed and Freddie.

Spokey said...

every time someone posts about lance, i giggle and think of this guy

thanks snobbie. i'm forever indebted to you for this brain-worm.

Spokey said...


i'll have to leave to night drinking. i did go out between the rein drops and now i'll have to do the kitchen floor this afternoon.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Team Cinzano?

M'appari, tutto amor....

Devon the Leader of the Pack said...

Rumors on the Al Gore invention say Devon is coming to the Gran Fondont, sans Joe.

Porta Potties Hadn't Been Invented Yet said...

We were in Segovia and a tour guide pointed to a spot at the Roman Aqueduct and said Franco took a dump there.

Pedro Almodóvar said...

Spokey, I had a GF once who was into rein drops, wish I had paid more attention the knots chapter of the Boy Scout Manuel more closely.

Paul Heckbert said...

Snob: did you notice the dangerous advice on a bicycle hand signals to warn of a stop, in that NY Times article http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/25/nyregion/a-nervous-bikers-guide-to-cycling-in-new-york-city.html ? They "recommended holding up a fist when you are going to hit the brakes". No! Left fist raised could easily be mistaken for a right turn signal (or maybe a BLACK POWER salute). Please condemn this bad advice!

the commentariat said...

...ah, fisting.

Good times...

The Pogues said...

It was Christmas Eve in the Drunk Tank....

dancesonpedals said...

The black power salute can be given with either hand.

dancesonpedals said...

Curse you html!

Spokey said...

but the stupid nytimes is absolutely wrong. From the official The New Jersey Driver Manual

(N.J.S.A. 39:4-126)

New Jersey law requires a motorist to know the correct hand signals for stopping and turning, which are standard in all states. To give a hand signal, a motorist should put his/her arm well out of the vehicle so that it is visible to
other motorists.
• Stop or slowing down: hand and arm downward, palm facing to the rear
• Right turn: hand and arm upward
• Left turn: hand and arm straight out


and from the official New Jersey Bicycling Manual. Sorry only a graphic as everyone knows bicyclists can't read anyway.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Once again the NYT proves it is the best source of fiction in town.

Spokey said...

i guess to be fair, it was not the NYT but Casey Ashenhurst Director of WE Bike NYC. Of course if Donald Trump had said it, the NYT would have all sorts of disclaimers that cyclists should not engage in illegal criminal acts so they're guilty of letting that fly by. if i didn't get the NYT for free, i wouldn't read it.

BamaPhred said...

I gave up on the old fashioned left hand signal giving. I point in the direction I want to go. I don't need to give the slow down signal. Already going slow.
Genetically modified Scranus made me snort.

dancesonpedals said...

Is it true Prince died intestate?

You know, that word doesn't mean what it sounds like.

Bottle Ready said...


mr cop

shut your dirty mouth

JLRB said...

When will the citibikes be motor-doped?

Anonymous said...

While I love masturbating and embrace it in all of its forms, I'm also ambidextrous.

Anonymous said...

Salmon?

Contraflow!

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