Friday, April 22, 2016

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!


It's been awhile since I've reminded you that my new book comes out on May 3rd, so here's a reminder that my new book comes out on May 3rd:

(My new book comes out on May 3rd.)

By way of giving you plenty of advance notice, you should mark in your calendar, smartphone, or Palm Pilot that we'll be having a Book-Related Appearance (or "BRA") at Little City Books in Hoboken, NJ on Saturday, May 7th:

Which will be brought to you in part by Vonhof Cycles:

Located in Hoboken, New Jersey, VonHof Cycles understands the value of American handmade, small batch bicycles. Small batch represents a level of craftsmanship and demand for perfection that cannot be found just anywhere. It's for those discerning few who understand the value of an object crafted with pleasure, not reward.

Handmade bikes in Hoboken, who knew?

Suck on that, Portland!

Anyway, the BRA will include a ride through Hoboken and Jersey City to Liberty State Park, and I'm very much looking forward to it because I'm woefully underfamiliar with our neighbors to the immediate west and badly in need of a guided tour.

As for those of you who either don't live in Jersey or have an irrational fear of the PATH train, I'll also be involved in some kind of BRA-type thing at Bike Expo New York in Manhattan next week:

I don't have all the details yet but as soon as I do you'll be the first to know.

Anyway, you'll definitely want to get yourself to one or both of these BRAs, if for no other reason than your attendance could earn you a first-row starting position at the BSNYC Gran Fondon't next month.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know it, and if you're wrong you'll see Кличко упал с велосипеда за 4500$!

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and wipe off those reading glasses.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(Sure, why not?)

1) Which possible explanation did the NYPD not give after a trucker killed a cyclist with the 18-wheeler he was operating on a residential street where such trucks are not allowed?

--The rider was "skitching"
--The truck somehow created "something like a wind force"
--The rider rode into the rear wheel for some reason
--The driver was operating an 18-wheeler on a residential street where such trucks are not allowed

(Must be some kinda boutique patch kit.)

2) What is the "MOKUMONO?"

--A new Christopher Guest mockumentary about Yoko Ono
--A fake kimono
--A Dutch bicycle made out of stamped aluminum
--A new plus-sized gravel bike tire

3) What is special about the HEL helmet?

--It whispers the location of the nearest coffee shop into your ear
--It changes color with the temperature
--It is specially designed to accommodate the oblong heads of Scandinavians
--When you leave a group of them unattended they amble away together like a multi-hued bale of turtles

(Also look out for fractals and other hallucinations and remember that you can't fly.)

4) Yeah, Canada, "Bicycle Day" isn't really about bicycles.  It's about LSD.


5) What is Alberto Contador's mechanic doing?

--Using a Bluetooth watch to turn off Contador's special motorized wheel before the UCI bike inspection
--Checking his heart rate
--Consulting the tire pressure app on his Apple Watch
--Trying to set his vintage 1980s digital watch but GODDAMN THOSE TINY RECESSED BUTTONS!

(You don't need a weatherman to know which way something like a wind force blows.)

6) Al Roker is more of a badass than Lucas Brunelle.


7) Willie Jones is about to:

--Inhale a piece of popcorn and choke to death
--Ride off an embankment
--Totally ruin Christmas by getting run over
--Contract an STD by holding hands before marriage

***Special Motorized Bonus Video!***

Apparently mötödöping doesn't work for mountain biking, go figure.


GoanBicyclist said...

Number one. Bitchezz

bad boy of the north said...

Nice and early.great posting this week.

Jasper said...

Early doors

dancesonpedals said...


BamaPhred said...


Anonymous said...


Sven said...

Top Sven!

BamaPhred said...

So, the mountain freds decided that putting a cinderblock on the back of a bike renders the electric assist inferior, therefore you're faster on a top of the line bike without a motor. Sheer marketing genius. No need for a motor, just HTFU and buy a brand new top of the line fred sled every year.

dnk said...

Eartha Kitt Day!

DB said...

What's going on May 3rd?

N/A said...

On may 3rd, preparations for the sink o'the mayo begins.

P. Bateman said...

its earth day - i'm going to bike to work and feel very warm and smug about it.

i also used recycled paper when taking today's quiz.

Fred Zeppelin said...

I think the Velominati eliminated Prince for violating "The Rules"

P. Bateman said...

sit down turn around pick a bale of turtles.

bale...learnededing something new today

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Top Scranus!

I always thought small batches and limited editions were to balance supply with demand, Adam Smith's in isible hand and all that, etc.

Ride Safe!

leroy said...

Aced it. Oh yeah!

My dog got one wrong and claims that just shows he has a life. (It's just sour grapes he called me a baleful turtle.)

Ride safe all!

crosspalms said...

New book, eh? When does it come out?

Brunelle sux said...

My pet gerbil is more of a bad-ass than Brunelle..

DrSte said...

Video is pretty interesting, but not necessarily a good example of a good use of an assist motor.
It's a pretty technical ride so the extra weight probably makes more of a difference and the lightweight racing mt bike unsurprisingly won.
If it had some long hill climbs I think they both would have found that even on a mountain bike the assist motor would help a lot, and in all styles of racing where there are long climbs and descents, the uphills matter a lot more than the downhills for reducing overall time.

JLRB said...

Good work Snob.

I say we give him the weekend off.

McFly said...

The Thin Series Kimono's have .ooo2 mm thick sidewalls. Not what you want if you are on rough terrain in a sketchy neighborhood. Currently I have been going tubeless but it's kind of messy.

JLRB said...

ps - Book event plans in the Nation's Capital?

Work it in with the "Really Big" Weekend?"

bieks said...

Was watching the finish of the Fleche last night and couldn't help noticing the big orange watch Valverde was wearing. Winnah, winnah, moules-frites dinnah.

dancesonpedals said...

Somebody stole my helmet out of my office.


Old timer said...

Huh? What?

N/A said...

I think the only way to make biek-cycleen racin' fair is through the implementation of the following rules that I have devised:

1: All racers will be quarantined prior to sanctioned race-events for a period of no less than seven(7) days (American) in a Red Roof Inn located nearest to the race location. No visitors are permitted during this period.

2: At this location, they will be served food only by the race's planners. Meals may consist only of chicken pot pies sourced from Costco.

3: On the first day of quarantine, all racers will be given a box of miscellaneous biek parts sourced from Racers have the duration of their quarantine period to assemble said parts into a biek-shaped object. Crescent wrench, ball-peen hammer, and a slightly-rounded allen wrench from my stupid Ikea shelving unit are the only permissible tools. No complaints on fit, colorway, or gravel-readiness will be heard.

4: On the day of the race, all racers will provide one(1) quart (American), each, of all body fluids in the empty mayo jars that were provided in the supplied race packets. These samples will be left by the race director's tent at the starting line. Please wipe any excess from the outside of the containers before remitting samples. Damn, people.

5: Racers will remove all "kit" and any/all electronic devices and jewelry and slather the sponsor's embrocation from armpits to ankles. The tingle means it's working! Kits, etc., are to be left in a disheveled pile near the starting line. Racers are to remain nude for the duration of the event. If anything is found on the body, with exception of the aforementioned embrocation, it is grounds for disqualification.

6: Prior to event start, all racers will swap the bikes they have assembled with the racer on their left. Event staff will be on hand to advise which direction is left, if needed.

7: During the event, any rider that does not call out with an audible "ON YOUR LEFT" before passing a fellow racer will be disqualified.

8: Upon completing the event, each rider must "shotgun" a tallboy, or successfully complete a "kegstand". This will be determined by the event's planner.

9: The first-place finishers may, at his/her discretion, pinch the podium-girl's ass, but if she smacks you, that's on you, bub.

DB said...

I feel really stupid asking this, but here goes.
Got new bike. Going out this pm. Haven't had 28c Panaracers before. Going to experiment with pressure. Should I start at 85 psi?
Your thoughts are appreciated.
Temperatures in the low 60's, all paved road surfaces and I'm not as svelte as I used to be.

DB said...

If I had Snob's new book, I wouldn't need to ask.

N/A said...

How svelte is "not as svelte"?

Using a popular search engine, try the wordway "bike tire pressure calculator"

I'll bet 85 psi will be a fine place to start.

Roille Figners said...

Top turdy!

No, seriously I'm covered in feces right now.

Good weekend y'all. I'm celebrating Earth Day by taking a 3-dayer.

P. Bateman said...


ubercurmudgeo said...

That 1939 bicycle safety film seems quite reasonable, apart from recommending signaling left before turning right. There is a sense of quid pro quo between different road users that has been utterly lost as the roads have got more crowded, lives have become more hectic, and cars have become wider and more powerful. It is certainly a lot better than this 2016 comic book, whose aim surely must be to scare kids and parents from ever riding a bike again.

Gideon said...

Did I miss the announcement re: the Fondon't? I've been training all year for this.

- Nada Robot

Anonymous said...

Do you know if there are any good books about cycling?


McFly said...

jaininedm cannot tell what the height of that Vonhof is in relation to her nipples with the top of the image cropped off. Please advise.

Two Claws said...

Gort Klaatu Nicto Mirada

Two Claws said...

@Brunelle sux -

my pet turtle is way more badass than your gerbil, or a bale of Brunelles, that little guy is like a tiny but agressive dinosaur. He's taken a few shots at me even though he's only a couple inches tall, if I were small enough he would have killed me years ago.

Mark S said...

Hey now! You should not be insulting Portland, unless you are insulting Portland Maine. It seems Jonathan @ BikePortland blog & you read each others blogs because I have read numerous items posted on both of your blogs.

When are you going to come to Portland Oregon on your book tour? I am sure Powell's Books would be happy to host you.

Jeff said...

Dear sir,

We cordially invite you to do a book related event or whatever at my wife's bike shop in College Park MD. To be fair, most of her customers have likely never heard of your art, and most of the remainder can't read or wouldn't consider buying your excellent book anyway. And few of the remaining remainder have more than pocket change for discretionary purposes in the first place -- most have to dig under the sofa cushions to buy tubes or patch kits.

But regardless, a profitable book related event or whatever could likely occur at minimal cost. Here's how it could work:

1. Ride your bicycle with 3 or so books (plus a human child?) to the Bolt bus stop, which is right by the west side bike trail near that Javits convention center.
2. Take the Bolt bus, which allows bicycles (though not human children) in the luggage area under the bus, to Greenbelt MD.
3. Remount your bicycle and ride approximately 3/4 mile on lovely (sort of) neighborhood streets to her shop.
4. Thursdays are best, as the shop is open late for potluck, where a community of less than a dozen people usually gathers. If you were to arrive midday, and you trust leaving your human child in the custody of the shop staff, we could go for an all terrain bicycle ride at a local trail area, or a take a (sort of) lovely street ride to Washington DC to see some sights etc.
5. Make some remarks or do something stupid at potluck that we could capture on video and upload to a popular video viewing website to draw attention to the fact that you did a book related event or something.
6. Drink beer.
7. Spend the night in our spare room (basement, but not too many insects).
8. Return the NYC on the Bolt bus the following day, possibly after additional riding of the bicycles etc.

Bolt bus tickets usually run $25 each way. Thus for the cost of one day's time and $100 or less (I don't know if they charge for children), you could have a lovely excursion, possibly sell as many as three books, and with the publicity from the video and the blogging of your travel adventures perhaps several million more.

Sincerely yours, and so on, Jeff

Vote for me said...

Trump wants to bang his daughter

Ted Cruzs family hates him

wishiwasmerckx said...

BSNYC, have you ever seen "Misery" with Kathy Bates and James Caan?

If memory serves me right, that movie started with an e-mail invitation strikingly similar to Jeff's.

Avoid unless you want to wake up dead!

N/A said...

Hey, when you have seventeen (17) human children, who cares if you lose a couple to random internet people? No biggie.

Jeff again said...

Actually a hypomanic idea spasm that recalled the last time a BSNYC book related event was done in DC I think, in which the term "South Fopistan" was coined I think?

If another such term could be found, well, that would make the whole Bolt Bus thing worth it.

Needless to say, the less-prosperous suburbs of DC have fewer Fopistan-approved clothing items on sale.

DB said...

Thanks N/A at 12:something. 85 was just fine.

leroy said...

Dear Jeff --

Would you provide room, board(Montrachet and Cheetos) and a stipend for a dog to show up to read excerpts from BSNY's new book? You'll have to supply the book. Not asking for me. Asking for a friend.

Dear DB --

I might inflate a little closer to the 105 psi printed on sidewall. Pinch flatted last December on second or third ride on the 28c Panaracers, discovered flat around midnight just as I was getting ready to commute home. Maybe I was just tired, maybe it was just cold, but changing tube not highlight of evening. Went out and got a fancy new tire lever the next day. Even at 105 psi, the tires are quite comfy.

JLRB said...


I like 120 - the beating combats osteoporosis (might be made up, but that doesn't mean ...)

Spokey said...

top 50ish

sorry i'm late

aced the quiz. mostly by lucky guessing

Spokey said...


i have spinal stenosis and trust me hard tires and rough roads can be a tad painful. i run around 80 on 37 continentals. but i'm thinking of dropping that to around 5.5 bars to make it softer assuming i don't pinch flat.

JLRB said...

Spokey - Sorry about the spine - I hope the scotch helps - bars sounds cooler than pounds

bieks said...

DB, those Panaracers are nice and cushy. Run your front one about 10-20 psi (517-1034 Torr) lower than the back for full benefit.

Spokey said...


dman if the pt exercise doesn't help that by strengthening some sort of lower back muscles. amazing that these docs sometimes get it right.

and yes bars is cooler. vodka also helps. but it's friday so maybe scotch is the trick.

Spokey said...


just got the weekly township newsletter from our illustrious mayor. Co-inky-dinky enough, the top headline - Township Recognizes April as National Alcohol Awareness Month

So tonight is a scotch night for sure. Might even try some Martell Cordon Blue before the scotch after dinner.

Frickus Rungus said...

I think you should buy a fat bike, inflate the tires to 12 psi, then hang it in your garage. Then convert your mountain bikes to tubeless and change each tire 3-4 times each. (Have a compressor ready)
Put 27.5" wheels on your ol road bike with fatter tires and then,... Wait, why was the question?

Enjoy your ride!

Pinchflat said...

10 years from now, will we look back at the era of the fat bike and laugh... or cry.

Some guy from upstate said...

Watching the e-MTB video, I couldn't help but think that might be handy on the XCO course at Windham.

Roille Figners said...

Well here's something I hit on by accident trying to get here.

We better step our game up, in a manner more befitting the 434,890th most popular site on the internet!


Anonymous said...


ken e. said...

and we would've made 434,889th if civil war era beard waxing techniques weren't so fascinating to khazistani ex-patriots.

Spokey said...

i notice snobbie has tumbled down almost 10,000 steps though. have to start using different proxies i guess.

i couldn't find where they rank the sites on the quality of the comments.

Anonymous said...

Hey that coffee is really good! thanks for the 30% off tip last week.

Anonymous said...

It's raining all over the world

wishiwasmerckx said...

Spokey, if all 17 of his children each spend just 3 hours a day committing click-fraud on this site, we can boost those numbers dramatically.

Spokey said...


would also have helped if his smugness hadn't forgotten all the little people on his way up. i'm sure recumbabe, uma, et. al. would have been glad to help had they not been dissed. for that matter, if vito hadn't been murdered, he'd be clicking his little monkey fingers to the bone. far as i'm concerned, his snobness has brought this on himself.

ZZ Top said...

Every post should begin with a picture of Babble's legs. Ranking would skyrocket.

Pie A la Mode Alaskian Style said...

Spokey @ 1216: Don't forget Devon, she might have helped in a different way while Joe's off in Alaska.

P. Bateman said...

nothing like going for a nice ride, surviving all the various cars and crazies out there, just to get home and go to set my foot down on the slippy garage floor forgetting i'm wearing my roadie-type big cleated shoes i haven't worn in a while and damn near explode my knee when i slipped like crazy and fell over with the bike into some various garage crap. good times indeed.

pro tip - get recessed cleats. way the hell better.

Spokey said...


i'm no devon fan. but if devon can blow the rankings sky hi, then i'll get in to her.

Spokey said...


hope you're ok. i assume so else you'd really be whining like the rest of us when we get a tiny little boo-boo.

i've never seen the appeal for those impossible to walk shoes. i've always used the spd since growing out of my christophe toe clips. maybe good for those pro racres but i've never raced, don't intend to race, and if elected will not race.

i too need some serious garage cleaning here. not sure who the fuck-o was who messed up my garage but damn if he didn't leave me with a lot of work to do.

Freddy Murcks said...

I am a bit late to the party, but I was waiting for 69. I love 69.

Freddy Murcks said...

Now that I am done making sex jokes related to the number 69 and that I was the 69th commenter, I will turn to something more bike related. I was passed once on one of my local trails by some dude on an eMTB. There was nothing particularly hidden about his motor. In any case, however, he flew past me on the uphill and then I passed him about 1/4 mile later because he lacked even the most basic skills needed to ride his bike down hill. My sample size is small (n=1), but it seems clear to me that a motor on the ol' MTB ain't much good if you can't match your uphill speed with downhill riding skill.

P. Bateman said...

@spokey - yeah, i'm fine, thanks.

was just a monkey fucking a football scenario that i'm glad the neighbors didnt see.

Know Future said...

You people stress about what psi you run in your tires, while I wonder about where I'm going to live next month. I would love to have a 1st world problem to deal with. There are no winners in our global economy's epic race to the bottom.

Captain Oblivious said...

You cannot win the race to the bottom without the proper tire pressure.

caPt scrAnus said...

I'll race yall to Devon's bottom

Pavlov's Dog said...

I'll race yall to Devon's top, but first let me check my tire and blood pressure.

Happy Go Lucky said...

Turn that frown upsidedown, Mr. Know Future.

Captain Oblivious said...

congratulations to Happy Go Lucky

for the 76 trombones led the big parade podium

Know Future's former landlord said...

It feels great to be one of the winners in the global economy's epic race to the bottom!

BamaPhred said...

In the great Scranus race to nowhere, do I get a prime for 79?

B & W or Color Available said...

There's a man who leads a life of danger
Carlos Danger
To Devon's cell phone he sends a stranger photo
Carlos Danger
With every photo he takes
Another chance he takes
Odds are Devon won't won't want to see see her cell phone tomorrow
Carlos Danger

Carlos Danger Man
Carlos Danger Man
He's given Devon a strange photo by taking away her phone number.

Proper "Hey, who turned out the lights?" Dave said...

Dear Mr BamaPhred

Let me see here. Yes, i have some Lance Armstrong t-shirts left. What size?

Going South said...

I'm up for a race to the bottom.

Tongue In Cheek said...

Sounds like any girl that Going South competes with is going to get lapped.

Anonymous said...

I don't care anymore
I never did believe you much

Proper "Hey, who turned out the lights?" Dave said...

I knew him, Horatio,
a fellow of infinite jest,
of most excellent fancy.

He hath borne me on his back a thousand times,
and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is!
My gorge rises at it

edwin markham said...

whose breath blew out the light within his brain?

Spokey said...


a rare day in may when i get up on a moonday and get here before the post. it is moonday isn't it?

Emperial Mataphor said...

That's just awesome.. if you want to join pakistan rishta or read latest urdu sms or want to read beauty tips in urdu?

Poor Yorick said...

Dear Mr Proper "Hey, who turned out the lights?" Dave

Please stop it with the skullduggery


jeff lemieux said...

Dear Leroy's dog: Of course!