Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Happy Wednesday! We're All Doomed.

Further to yesterday's post about the Omerta or the Onomatopoeia or the whatever-it's-called fake analog cycling computer, holy crap I had no idea it's gonna cost almost $600!


Post-Kickstarter, the OMATA One is expected on sale for a retail price of $599. 

Well fork me.

And why are people so taken with the aesthetics of this thing?  Sure, gauges look great on vehicles with combustion engines, but to me having a great big dial on the front of your bike looks silly:


It looks like it should be attached to a propane tank, or like something the doctor's forcing you to ride with so you can monitor your blood pressure at all times.

Speaking of which, have you seen my sweet new tool roll?

(#whatbloodpressureyourunning)

Really, as far as looks are concerned, you might as well replace your top cap with a meat thermometer:


(This turkey's cooked.)

Or at least save yourself some money and go with a vintage unit like this one.  It's a relative bargain at $249.95:


Hirsute disembodied hand not included.

Meanwhile, in more mundane news, I picked up a shitload of absorbency on my Smugness Flotilla Mark II this morning:


Indeed, between the diapers and the paper towels I could easily drain a hectare of swampland.  Granted, the disposable diapers more than wipe out any smugness points I may have earned by riding to the store instead of driving, but I have confidence in the next generation, and they at least deserve to be dry and comfortable until they grow up and are forced to solve all the problems we're passing onto them.

What kind of problems?  Well, deferred infrastructure maintenance for one thing:


Mayor Bill de Blasio has postponed work to finish New York’s third water tunnel, a project that for more than half a century has been regarded as essential to the survival of the city if either of the two existing, and now aged, tunnels should fail.

That's not good.

The new tunnel has already been completed and is carrying water into Manhattan and the Bronx. But segments that would supply Brooklyn and Queens, home to five million people, though also virtually finished, still await the building of two deep shafts.

Heh heh.  They said "deep shafts."

If calamity or age forced the shutdown of City Water Tunnel No. 2, which is 80 years old, the primary water supply to much of Brooklyn and Queens would be lost for at least three months, city engineers said, the time it would take for an emergency activation of the sections of Tunnel No. 3 in Brooklyn and Queens that have already been finished.

That's really not good.

But it's okay, because instead Brooklyn and Queens are getting...a waterfront streetcar, in an area where it's extremely expensive to live and there's already subways, buses, bike share, and bike lanes:


This will come in handy when residents are desperately searching for a deli that's not yet sold out of Poland Spring, though by that time the waterfront will be underwater so hopefully that streetcar will have sub-aquatic capabilities.

Oh, and the streetcar will potentially encroach on the bike lane:



BROOKLYN — Mayor de Blasio's streetcar could interfere with a waterfront bike route that's been in the works for more than a decade, DNAinfo New York has learned.

The mayor's much-touted streetcar line is likely to travel a similar path to the partly completed Brooklyn Waterfront Greenway — a bike lane that will cover 14 miles of Brooklyn's waterfront from Greenpoint to Bay Ridge once it's completed.

A spokesman for the mayor confirmed the city can't guarantee that the streetcar won't interfere with the greenway project.

We're so screwed.

Anyway, this story resonated with me because my favorite cycling route just happens to be along the very first water tunnel the city ever built, like 175 years ago:


This aqueduct also comprises a part of the BSNYC Gran Fondon't route, and I can now announce with something approaching confidence that I will very probably but not 100% definitely lead another Fondon't in May:


So be sure to mark your calendars.

Where exactly should you mark them?  Well I can't tell you exactly, so better to just pencil in a question mark on every day of the month.

And as for what this Fondon't will entail, expect it to start at a location convenient to ME and to end someplace where there's beer.  (You can rest assured I'm doing plenty of hands-on beer venue reconnaissance in the meantime.)

I'll keep you posted.

By the way, in addition to undermining my own smugness by buying disposable diapers, I also purchased them at one of those big-box stores that are killing all the independent businesses.  You know, independent businesses like bike shops, one of which (a reader informs me) Specialized inadvertently offended recently:
The bicycle giant Specialized apologized today after G&O Family Cyclery tweeted photos of a street advertising campaign pasted on the wreckage of their former Greenwood shop that says, “BETTER BIKES COME FROM BETTER BIKE SHOPS.”

G&O was severely damaged in a major gas explosion a month ago, prompting a big community effort to raise money to help the shop find a new location and keep its expert staff (including a fundraiser organized by this blog, Peddler Brewing and Familybike Seattle). G&O recently announced a new temporary location a block north on Greenwood Ave.

Oops!

In their defense, Specialized feels bad about it, and they blamed the whole thing on their indiscriminate wheatpasting subcontractor:

Marcheschi said the company contracts with street advertising companies in several cities including Seattle. Specialized provides the artwork for the ads, but the contracted companies (in this case Poster Giant) finds and chooses the locations.

“They’re looking to opportunities where there are plywood surfaces they can put these wheatpastings on,” said Marcheschi. “It’s really unfortunate that this was one of those surfaces.”

He has contacted Poster Giant to have them remove the ads as soon as possible.

In other words, this form of "guerilla" advertising is the analog equivalent of when you're reading an online article about a motorist running down a pedestrian and you keep getting pop-up ads for your local Hyundai dealership.

91 comments:

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Reclined on the top step.

P. Bateman said...

top two!

tedk232 said...

SIMPLER SOCIAL PROBLEMS HAVE PROVED INTRACTABLE

136. If anyone still imagines that it would be possible to reform the system in such a way as to protect freedom from technology, let him consider how clumsily and for the most part unsuccessfully our society has dealt with other social problems that are far more simple and straightforward. Among other things, the system has failed to stop environmental degradation, political corruption, drug trafficking or domestic abuse.

Frickus Rungus said...

Dear Mr. W. R. Machine,

I've amended your latest twitter pict to account for the fact that you have 18 children. You are welcome...
I also found the perfect going away present for Joe and Devon. It fits with the bearded artisinal theme of their trip and will keep their pour over coffee warm.

Regards,
Frickus

N/A said...

Where's Ted K been, lately?

Spokey said...


well at least in the top sex

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

In the tennus !!!


vsk

Ted K. said...

"Where's Ted K been, lately?"

Sitting here watching the bot script run incorrectly, wishing for better programming skills.

misster pissta said...

Lanlords in the house

P. Bateman said...

First time parents buy Pampers.

Parents with multiple offspring, and latinos, prefer Huggies.

That info is in my head from old Huggies marketing RFP's. Seems to be accurate.

misster pissta said...

Goingso fast I dropped the d landlords

N/A said...

The Coffee Brake Mug: of course there is a bad beard involved. Of course there is a bike with bullhorn bars and a top-tube pad. Of course there is a mention of mustache wax. Of course there is pour-over coffee apparatus. Of course there are hipster outfits complete with their little hipster hats.

Hipsters are the Freds of fashion.

Anonymous said...

Ted's at home... washin' 'is tights! Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh.

N/A said...

You know what's worse than a garbage bag full of shitty diapers? A laundry bag full of shitty diapers.

McFly said...

You mean to tell me you do not check your head tube bearings by dropping a meat thermometer through the star nut hole and working the bars back and forth 90-120 degrees for 8-10 minutes?

Rookie.

wle said...

yes but using disposables instead of << CLOTH DIAPERS >> makes you

<< LORD SNOB - KING OF THE IDOITS >>!

(never mind that no one can calculate which one is actually worse..)

i have 3.5 year old twin boys and i am lord of the georgia unsmugs.

i have toted them on bike from big-box-depot in a backpack!

ya so there.!

wle

Spokey said...

i had that speedo when i was a kid.

i think it was a sears. big round red plastic body. it had a mechanical cable that snaked to the front wheel where it attached to a piece that went on the axle. That piece had a little wing that fit in between the spokes and thus spun around to turn the cable.

worked well for the five bucks it cost.

also kind of stupid to have two versions. how much simpler to have the face printed on two sides that you can flip over to switch from mph to kmh

OMATA state that the One has 'impressive battery life', lasting for around 24 hours

sheez. i change batteries in january. for some reason, the cateye RD400DW sensor battery sometimes doesn't make it through the season. i get really pissed if i have to change the $.25 battery in august. if i have to charge that fuck-o every day, y'all better pry my guns before my hands are cold. or watch out.

ken e. said...

present-waying. drinking water is over-rated.

Sinyard_gonna_IP_litigate_today! said...

Ted, proxy that script through your phone.

Snobby, Manhattan has water. That's all that counts.

Freddy Murcks said...

You can have my bottle of Poland Spring water when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

JuanOffhue said...

I like the way that round speedo looks, but the pricing and battery life are absurd. I still use a Cateye Cordless 2 that I got at least 25 years ago for $20 or so. It does everything I want and I only have to replace the battery every two or three years. But if people are silly enough to pay $300 for a chain and $120 for a frame pump, then by all means take their money for a $600 speedometer.

N/A said...

"KING OF THE IDOITS", indeed.

N/A said...

Man, I'm going to have to quit ridin' bikes. I'm spending, like, $47k a year on chains, "event-day" tires, and speedometer batteries

McFly said...

The word giant was peppered in the Speciali*ed article. Mike will be hearing from their lawyers.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Soylent Green reference. Nice. Probably true.

Matlock said...

My fine State has billions in "deferred maintenance" on our buildings and infrastructure, so they've cut taxes and tried to pay our teachers less than Mississippi.

Of course, they've done everything possible to keep transsexuals from peeing, so we've got that going for us.

dancesonpedals said...

I am quite fond of analog speedometer woman. There's an insouciant insouciance about her braid. And a good position on the bike.

Sigmond F. said...

Sometimes a tunnel is just a tunnel.

BamaPhred said...

Scranus

DB said...

I think Snobs name in Icelandic would be Snobmundar Eben Wildcatsson.

Anonymous said...

The Omata speedo will not be an expression of maximum irony unless it requires wireless connection to an iPhone in your jersey pocket to tell you how fast you're going. It also should be assembled by marginally trained workers in Detroit using Chinese parts, and sold as made-in-America-by-skilled-craftsmen.

grog said...

GOLD SNOB
SNOB ANAL
ANAL GOLD

Anonymous said...


N/A said...
Where's Ted K been, lately?



Ask Mary Jo Kopechne

Anonymous said...

Since the disembodied foot is not specifically excluded from the price, legal, I assume it to be part of the purchase price.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Anonymous @ 1:16-



You talkin' about "You don't know shit from Shinola?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Anonymous @ 1:53 -

We'll drive off that bridge when we get to it.

Solitary Confinement in the Great Outdoors said...

Joe may be eaten by a bear in Alaska; but Joe's not going to be chowing down on Devon, no way her facial expression is going any where near a bike tour. No Devon peddling away also means no road trip BJ's for Joe.

babble on said...

A few times a year, someone will approach me about buying a bike. They're people who've watched cycling boom with the installation of protected bike lanes here in the lower mainland, and it's only cause they see old women like me making it work that they've come to believe that maybe they can do it, too. But they're still living in a dream world, cause they're always shocked and dismayed to discover that they'll have to drop more than three hundred loonies to find a bike worth riding. They'd keel over at the suggestion that anyone would pay $600 US greenbacks on that fucking meat thermometer.

Sure, braid lady has good form, but she's catching a lot of wind with those linebacker handlebars.

JLRB said...

Scranus

Wrecked on way to work - expansion crack thing on Chain Bridge ate my front wheel and down I went. Fortunately none of the surrounding cars ran over me or my fred-cycle.

KNEE PAIN
ROAD RASH
OH WELL

DB said...

RIP Merle Haggard.

Spokey said...


JLRB

condolences. hope the biek is ok

Spokey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...

babs

why are you surprised. people are stupid fuck-o(e)s.

they'll have no problem dropping 800 fun coupons for an ipad that will require replacing in 3 years. Or dropping 40-50 grand on a dino eater that they'll probably dump in 3-5 years. But dropping a couple hundred for a bieky that should last at least 6,7 years and probably would be good for 10-15 with minimum expense in maintenance is horrifying.

my guess is they don't see biekys as fun but as a chore to get their exercise or get healthy.

further proof that people in general are idiots. current furor around here by the idiots with their heads up their analogs is that the roadsides are filthy. who should clean it up? what? if the town does it, we have to pay more taxes! no one has mentioned that if the pigs going by didn't toss their trash out the window, the roadside wouldn't be a mess to begin with.

Bike share bikes don't suck like Satanic Death Worshipper Fake Ted said...

Some people are finally a little curious about Bike Share bikes incredible safety record, but still a lot of "damning with faint praise" going on. At least they prove how worthless helmets are:

"Using a bike-sharing scheme is way safer than hopping on your own bike and speeding off through the city streets. In fact, not a single person has died on a shared bike in the U.S. since bike sharing began in 2010."

"According to findings from the Mineta Transportation Institute (MTI), the crappy bikes and plodding, cautious cyclists might be the very reason bike sharing is so safe."

"Also, riders—even experienced cyclists—don't trust the bikes as much."

"The final big factor in bike-sharing safety is infrastructure. Most bike-sharing stations are in dense downtown traffic areas, which means lower car speeds. Also, if the stations are located on the curb, then the users are "more likely to complete their journey riding on the sidewalk."

"The MTI study concluded that the health benefits of cycling outweighs the risks of riding without a helmet."

"The fact is that cycling just isn't that dangerous, especially bike sharing. Here's what one of the study's experts, an emergency-services supervisor and licensed paramedic, had to say on the matter: "I have not seen a bike-sharing wreck. I asked my colleagues. We cannot recall a bike-sharing accident. It has always been personally owned bicycles. It is our opinion that we believe bike-sharing is safer."

wishiwasmerckx said...

I had NO IDEA Merle Haggard was still alive.

Guy Albertelli said...

Stem cap thermometer exists:

http://www.stemcaptain.com/products/thermometers

I do like their clock.

the Jimboner said...

I was in your freakin city at the end of last month for a few days and almost got run down by Casey Neistat on a skateboard while crossing Broadway in Soho with the signal. I would never have known who he was if I wasn't a semi-devoted reader of a certain mildly popular bike blog. Other lame celebrity sighting was some actress who looked familiar but whose name I don't remember at The Ship. Not like the old days when your might get served a beer by Rockets Redglare in some dive bar in the village.

Roille Figners said...

Pestering & bothering people with advertising is douchey enough, but then I guess they're like, hey how could I make this even more douchey? How can I just not even have to rise to this exalted level of humanity? And the answer is, don't even do it yourself - outsource it. Because hey, you're too douchey to be bothered doing your own bothersome douche campaign, right? Now you've got douche bragging rights: "Not only do I advertise, I don't even do the work myself. That is where 3rd-party malware comes from, and where this Specialized postering faux pas comes from.

Sludge Dipper said...

Who needs a third water tunnel? Brooklyn can drink right out of the Gowanus Canal.

N/A said...

NY is trying to be a 3-input kinda' place, but it needs a little nudge to take it all the way. Maybe buy it a few strong drinks.

Not exactly bike related said...

I wish Real Ted would send Fake Ted a "package" because Fake Ted is a phony poser, and a hypocrite lover of modern technology (computers, programming, bots, gmail, etc). Unfortunately they don't let Real Ted send bombs or use the internet, but it would be a great fantasy headline: Unabomber Kills Pathetic Loser! Says That Faker Knew Nothing Of My Work.

leroy said...

My dog assures me that this Spring's Gran Fondon't will have a rest stop at Sing Sing. But that's what he told me last year. And that wasn't quite right.

Fred Mercury said...

Isn't there a big river flowing right by New York? Why can't y'all just drink from that? Sometimes you city folks ain't too bright.

Greenbelt said...

Cav's having a hard time with the 2nd effort... Happens to all of us as we get older I suppose.

“I was coming, coming, then when I got next to him, he just went again. I used to be able to do that, to go again. I just can’t now...."

Read more at http://velonews.competitor.com/2016/04/news/road/kittel-beats-cav-by-a-tire-at-scheldeprijs_401598#FYSV2SFdsIAhEILo.99

N/A said...

I ain't readin' shit, and you can't make me!

DB said...

I can't wait to buy JLo perfume from the BSNYC ad sidebar.

Captain Oblivious said...


N/A

Don't read shit. Eat shit.

Scatalogicalthingtodo said...

Play with Shit

Constipated in Connecticut said...

I can't take a shit.

babble on said...

Sorry to hear it, JLRB. But it sounds like you're not posting from your local ER, so there's that.

Spokey - Right?!? More often than not, they have it in mind to use the bike to commute during the fairer months of the year, and if you were to compare the cost of transport by any other means, it would be a no-brainer to drop a grand.

Indifferent in Indiana said...

I dont give a shit

Mr. Turdly has the Flu said...

I feel like shit

Mr. Jive McPoopmouth said...

Stop talkin' all this shit

Spokey said...

babs

the 2016 IRS business mileage deduction is 54 cents. so for a round trip the IRS is allowing over $1 / one-way mile. i dare anyone to convince me the IRS is being overly generous here so we can take that as a conservative cost of using a dino eater.

if you live just 12 miles (us that is) from work, you would pay for the $300 bike with one month of biek-sickening commuting. and the following week you've now bought yerself a nice bottle of scotch.

Merle Haggard's Ghost said...

And I turned twenty-one in prison doing life without parole.
No-one could steer me right but Mama tried, Mama tried.
Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied.
That leaves only me to blame 'cause Mama tried.

Very Slim Pickens said...

JLRB - Sorry to hear about the crash. No bones broken, bike still in one piece (?), Nurse Babble coming over to dress the road rash and spoon feed you Ben & Jerry's. Sounds like you will be OK and back on the saddle again. Hope so.

Dooth said...

Yo! Cut that shit out!

Koch Brothers No Like said...

If the Dino Eater is some mega gulper, i.e. GMC Yukon XL - the biggest Woolly Mammoth of them all, at 12 MPG the bike would pay for itself in gas alone in just three months of to and from work trips.

Mr Shorty said...

Did someone say Sing, Sing!

paulb said...

I think that Schwinn speedo is a Huret, rebadged. It was the only bike speedometer I knew of you could buy in the 60s where the needle didn't jump all around.

Freddy Murcks said...

“I was coming, coming, then when I got next to him, he just went again. I used to be able to do that, to go again. I just can’t now...."

I don't know if Cav is describing bike racing or group sex, but, in any case, Peta must be very disappointed.

Glen Larimer said...

You have really piqued my interest in the Croton Aqueduct Trail. Using your photos and text as a guide, I pieced together your route featured in the article for the "Brooks Blog", as I intend to check it out. I'd like a road-worthy set of tires for the paved sections and wondered if you think I could get away with a set of 700x28s or if I should go with the security of knobbier 700x30s that are currently on my 'cross bike? Thanks.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Glen Larimer you should be fine on the 28's. I rode Snob's Bike Week ride the day before last year's 5 Boro Bike Tour on 23's and covered the Croton Aqueduct fine except for a few very short muddy sections. (This was the ride before the Fondon't.)

Evil Genius said...

That analog speedo is so crass. Just you wait until I get that pitot tube mounted on my ride.

Spokey said...


i'm thinking of taking off my handlebar bag (sorry roille) and substituting a nice bronze artisanal spittoon.

bad boy of the north said...

jlrb,sorry to hear about your mishap.feel better.i know chain bridge well...on visits to relatives on both sides of that mighty Washingtonian river.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Poor Merle, it's tough to spend your whole life completely Haggard.

Rascal Pascal said...

Hey Evil.
Wow! The airspeed indicator dial for the pitot tube is way steampunk cooler than any retro-olde-timey, analog, speedometer thing out there.

Anonymous said...

This was awesome in 1897: http://www.oldbike.eu/museum/bikes-1800s/1897-2/1897-spalding-roadster/1897-spalding-11/

JLRB said...

Thanks folks for the well wishes. No serious injury - bike and knee both worked pretty well on the way home. All in all I got very lucky. Might not use the chain bridge route in rush hour for a while - it's never good - but it is my quickest way to work.

Spokey - I like your logic - I use the IRS mileage to justify bike purchases. Scotch is a good extension.

babble on said...

Heyyyyy peeps! Happy International Day of the Beaver!

Emily Litella said...

Oh, I thought you said Shave the Beaver, never mind

Bucky Beaver said...

"International Day of the Beaver" Day off in Canada, eh?

Beavers in Music History 101 said...

The Rap Artist Big Pelt once tried to shave a beaver for a music video, lost a good sized chuck of his right hand. His barbering skills matched his vocal skills.

Best beaver in a song was Tony Bennett's "I left my beaver in Vancouver..."

And of course Edith Piaf's "Regrets, my beaver's had a few..."

Cos Cob man said...

I left Mianus in Connecticut

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Was it Tweety Bird or Elmer Fudd who used to say Beaver eeeeee quiet?

Anonymous said...

Wtf. I wake up hours ago, all sleep deprived, and no post. I manage to take some sort of kind of nap, made my coffee and yet still no post.

wtf.

Anonymous said...

Rubbing the beaver for good luck, hoping for a Snob posting

extremeFredjudice said...

DFL

The Old Perfesser said...

I'm a sine-tist, and even measured astronomical parallaxes for a while (GAIA is going to take over that field, so I quit).

I'm also an avid cyclist who rides skinny-tired Tour Dee France type bikes, and I like to keep my tires topped off to avoid pinch flats.

Never once in my long career have I worried about 'parallax error' in reading the analog gauge while inflating my tires. How could I have been so stupid? Why haven't I died already because of this oversight? I'm flummoxed.

Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud reading the meat thermometer head cap comment.