Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Happy Bicycle Day!



Good morning!  Did you know that today is Bicycle Day?  Well, it is.

Of course, Bicycle Day should not be confused with contrived attempts to encourage people to ride bicycles for transportation such as Bike to Work Day.  See, Bike to Work Day is that one day a year the person in the cubicle next to you rides to the office, arrives drenched in perspiration, and spends the rest of the day in the emergency room due to heart palpitations.  Bicycle Day, on the other hand, commemorates the first time the guy who invented LSD tripped his face off:

"Bicycle Day"

April 19, 1943, Hoffmann performed a self-experiment to determine the true effects of LSD, intentionally ingesting 0.25 milligrams (250 micrograms) of the substance, an amount he predicted to be a threshold dose (an actual threshold dose is 20 micrograms).[7] Less than an hour later, Hofmann experienced sudden and intense changes in perception. He asked his laboratory assistant to escort him home and, as use of motor vehicles was prohibited because of wartime restrictions, they had to make the journey on a bicycle. On the way, Hoffman's condition rapidly deteriorated as he struggled with feelings of anxiety, alternating in his beliefs that the next-door neighbor was a malevolent witch, that he was going insane, and that the LSD had poisoned him. When the house doctor arrived, however, he could detect no physical abnormalities, save for a pair of incredibly dilated pupils. Hofmann was reassured, and soon his terror began to give way to a sense of good fortune and enjoyment, as he later wrote...


"... Little by little I could begin to enjoy the unprecedented colors and plays of shapes that persisted behind my closed eyes. Kaleidoscopic, fantastic images surged in on me, alternating, variegated, opening and then closing themselves in circles and spirals, exploding in colored fountains, rearranging and hybridizing themselves in constant flux ..."

And here is an animated recreation of the incident:



Shame on Dr. Hofmann for not wearing his Tripping Helmet:


(He looks like Ken Kesey's penis.)

Anyway, over the years, Bicycle Day has evolved from yet another excuse for PhD candidates to slack off into a gigantic party for hippies and douchebags:


And apparently they're even observing it over at the Today Show:


Either the person who runs their social media account saw it on a calendar somewhere, had no idea what it meant, and used it as an excuse to post a stupid GIF, or else the whole cast and crew is tripping balls:


The above notwithstanding, Al Roker is a certified Bromptonaut ready and willing to throw down in New York City traffic:


As far as I'm concerned this makes him twice the badass that Lucas Brunelle purports to be.

Meanwhile, further to the recent revelations concerning mötödöping, apparently it's well on its way to becoming sanctioned, albeit unofficially:


Citing a hypothetical scenario, Mariën said: “I’m wondering, if the UCI had wanted me to check bikes like at the Amstel Gold Race on Sunday morning, and let’s say I discovered a bike there that was, let’s call it, imbalanced, and I would like to take it with me. Do I have the power, as a UCI commissaire, to confiscate the bike? I don’t think so. Honestly, I don’t think so.”

Mariën called for a precise protocol for confiscating a bike to be established. “I think there should be a procedure with a form signed by the rider, by the team manager, by the UCI, in which all three agree the bike will go with the UCI for further investigation. I know they [the UCI] are working very hard on it to get a proper legal basis to do that.”

Wow, three (3) sign-offs before they can check a bike that's glowing like an athlete's groin in a Ben Gay commercial--two of which are from the rider and his or her team?  That's not just sweeping this under the rug, that's nailing it under the floorboards like "The Tell-Tale Heart."

Meanwhile, after watching the original report, far more damning than the glowing seat tubes and hubs is the video of Alberto Contador's mechanic at the Giro d'Italia last year, wherein he repeatedly spins the rear wheel:


While fiddling with his watch:


After which he sends the bike in for an inspection in which they check...the bottom bracket shell:


I'll bet you a choice cut of Europe's finest tainted beef that Contador was running one of those futuristic space wheels with the magnets in it and the mechanic had to disable it so the bike didn't ghostride itself right out of the UCI inspection hut.  (One day this will happen and it's going to be fucking awesome.)

Anyway, if nothing else, you have to believe mötödöping is happening because if Greg LeMond and Mario Cipollini agree on something than it has to be true, that's just simple physics.  Plus, Cipollini actually took the time to put on a shirt, which lends his words considerable gravitas:


In fact, it's hard to take anything more seriously than an oily man with a plunging neckline engaging in discourse about hidden motors in bicycles with a woman in a pair of horn-rimmed glasses and a polka-dot neckerchief on a set that looks like it's been painted in Pepto-Bismol:


You can give any reason you want why pro cycling never really took off in America--drug scandals, inscrutable team dynamics, competition from football and baseball--but it's clear the real cause is our complete failure over the years to get the TV coverage right.

Wrong:


Right:


Pretty simple really.

Lastly, here's an important reminder of where you stand as a cyclist in America:


USA baby.

76 comments:

Anonymous said...

goddddam, 2 days in a row, scrotium !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

yay, happy

Fred Clydesdale said...

reminds me of the time my gf went to the bar, got stoned & tried to ride back home. on the way she somehow rode into a hedge but in her altered state couldn't figure out how to extricate the bike from the bush, returning home with her helmet safely in place and a few leaves tangled in her sweater.

went out & traced our way back to the bar the next morning, bike was still tightly wedged into the hedge.

JuanOffhue said...

Wore my tie-dye on the ride in, changed to paisley for work!

Blog Drafter said...

Damn, just missed, and I read it. A little Gruber Assist would have been appreciated on the ride this morning. A vicious 5-10 mph headwind. lol.

Hoghopper said...

That was a long video

Anonymous said...

Uh, there seems to be lots of room to the right on that video.

Steve said...

@Anonymous at 11:12 AM

When did it become OK to hit someone and drive off, period? Your comment is irrelevant.

impressive!! said...

The comments to that video are impressive.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw3IxD5rdU4

fun fact. had you ridden the bike over on all that clean shoulder this wouldn't have happened.

Anonymous said...

American commentary is absolutely awful and I'm sure something that turns off casual viewers. "Here's the part of the race you care about, now let's check in on Andrew Talansky in 78th place because he fell out of his mom's vulvanus in the same incredibly large geographic space as the rest of us. Alright Andrew! I guess we'll return to the part of the race you care about now. If only Tejay van Garderen were here..."

N/A said...

I've got no LSD, so I'm just going to make do with this here pile of mushrooms, then a nice ride down by the river. Happy bicycle day!

Unknown said...

Whenever I try to make a point riding to the left of that white line, i kinda suspect im inviting discourse. I think cameras on bikes are for other than cyclists.

Point taken.

Grump said...

As for the Car/Bike hit and run. You will always find jerks who will try to escape their responsibility. These are the same people who back into your car in a parking lot and just drive away.
I noticed that there was a 6-8 foot paved shoulder that the bike rider could have ridden on. I wonder why he didn't?

Autos_for_the_win said...

I noticed that there was a 6-8 foot paved shoulder that the bike rider could have ridden on. I wonder why he didn't?

Some States are clear about the bicycle being an equivalent to a car and thus are supposed to ride in the lane, taking the lane. California has this standard along with the "3 foot" rule. Further to this point, in a State like California, a bicyclist isn't supposed to be riding the shoulder of a street just as a car should not.

It depends on your State's rules and the road one travels. Most are a conflicting mess designed to permit autos to dominate the road. No criminality suspected.

clyde said...

TOPPUS SCRANUS ...... Bitches.

dancesonpedals said...

Oh, c'mon. The rider was right on the sharrows, on a road with a speed limit of 25 mph.

Promotional Comment said...

How are sales of the new book going?

Frickus Rungus said...

If a shoulder grows and shrinks as it does in the video, I think you are safer holding your line and stying in traffic. Isn't that what sharrows mean? That bikes should take the whole Lane?

crosspalms said...

DOP,
Amen. If they took the trouble to paint the sharrows, they could have made the shoulder a bike lane instead, but didn't. Shared road with shoulder, lethal asshole in car.

Roille Figners said...

"...an oily man with a plunging neckline engaging in discourse about hidden motors in bicycles with a woman in a pair of horn-rimmed glasses and a polka-dot neckerchief on a set that looks like it's been painted in Pepto-Bismol..."

Sounds like the beginning of a porno. Where the talk of bike motors is just the boring stuff they're supposed to be talking about when their smouldering gonads distract them. PR genius!

Spokey said...


what a depressing postit

waited until now so i couldn't claim top 20 even

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Rode in today thank the LOB !

My friend on the D Train snapped a picture of me on the Manhattan Bridge at my version of metric woo hoo speed (33 mph according to strava beans).
Now it's all over socialized media.

Oh it's still just social media, it hasn't been fully Berned yet.

Good luck with your candy dates !!

vsk

Ken Kesey's penis said...

All I wanted was Neal Cassady's attention.

Spokey said...


second video:

it's a moment of tremendous hope I think in the movement

i fuck-o hate the word movement. everything is a fuck-o-ing movement. a conservative movement, an environmental movement, this movement, that movement.

gawd i hate that word. there is only one proper use for the word movement. and that movement occurs in the vicinity of the porcelain god.

sharrow said...

Crosspalms,

Think like a city administrator:

$100,000 to lay some paint down onto an existing road, some meaningful part funded by Fed/State multi-use projects.
$10,000,000 to rework miles of shoulder, restripe miles of street, 1 or 2% funded by Fed/State multi-use projects.

Sharrows FTW.

The robot just axed me to select pictures of cars.

Matt said...

That's a very 'interesting' bike lane...no solid line separating it from the traffic, just the symbol every now and then on the left of the white line...shich is a recipe for disaster IMO. At least if there's a solid line separating the bike lane from the car lane the vehicles can clearly SEE if they are over the line. I was cringing the entire video waiting for the impact we all knew was coming. Don't think I'd like being a roadie where that video was shot.

P. Bateman said...

pretty scary video - especially the fact that it happened in what looks to be a pretty ideal, quiet, 25mph type road.

unfortunately, i think roads like that also give drivers a chance to catch up on emails, text their mistresses on tinder, watch porn etc...

i think Cippos vneck is till within the limits of good taste. its on the border of too deep, but i think that is where he feels most comfortable.

wavygravy said...

i much prefer driving my great big suv when trippin, much safer than bikeen when trippin

Bryan said...

The shitty thing about motodoping is that now all the freds will want motors, too. Wussification of America

McFly said...

Horn-rimmed glasses are hawt AF.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the first time I tried LSD as a young lad. I took one tab, which was described by the guy I got if from as very strong. Nothing seemed to be happening so like 20 minutes later I took another. Bad idea. I was completely fucked for the next 20 hours.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh bike day, I was wondering why I was being assailed by all of the cat 6ers on my ride in this morning.

There is definitely a positive and exponential correlation between travel speed and human stupidity. Pedestrians can be slightly annoying, cyclists can be aggressive pricks and drivers can be homicidal maniacs. What the fuck is wrong with us?

The Wizard of Menlo Park said...

The NY Times sez the wizard of cycling electricity is Stefano Varjas. Could he be the Hungarian Vampire also known as Varjas the Impaler?

The Times gets off a line nearly as good as the Snob comes up with "Cycling’s equivalents of the Zapruder film..."

pqbuffington said...

Hello,

For those of you not familiar with the road markings in King County (WA) and/or the cities and towns therein, the stretch of road in the video (161st Ave SE, between SE Eastgate Way & SE 24th) does not have a bike lane, but is a designated bike route. This is well evidenced by the <> adorning the street.

The shoulder that some of the commenters are mistaking for a bike lane is in fact a shoulder, more of a parking strip actually. If you care to examine the route via Google’s amazing street view feature, you will see people jogging and even walking their dogs on the very same shoulder; this even when there is an adjacent sidewalk.

The rider was in total compliance with the law and, this is very important, in compliance with the municipalities efforts at directing bicycle traffic to specific roads where, even though dedicated infrastructure does not yet exist, the routing is often the better option. This both for cyclists and motorists

There is a multi-use path adjacent to 161st Ave SE, but it is more of a meandering foot-path that surrounds Boeing’s Bellevue campus and not a good option for traveling at bicycle speeds. That is why the sharrows are painted where they are.

I ride this zip-code quite often and the adjacent zip-codes daily and year-round on the same type of designated routes; many of these streets now have signage directing you to multi-use paths and the like.

It is my opinion that the driver struck the cyclist on purpose, or tried to get as close as possible, thereby effecting a spill.

I endure these aggressions frequently. About once every 10 months or so (yes, more than once a year!) someone tries to creep up on me and get me with their mirror, or comes along side, roles down a window, yells “get out of my lane”, “you don’t belong here”, or something that effect, and jerks the wheel hard in my direction.

Whether they are unsuccessfully trying to kill me, or just pretending to try to kill me, I have no way of knowing. But this shit happens all too often…

Anonymous said...

Seattle, baby.

wishiwasmerckx said...

According to one of the internets, the state of Washington is an open-carry state.

As the asshole libertarian second amendment guys are always saying, an armed society is a polite society.

I suggest handlebar-mounted gun turrets. That should put an end to the kind of stuff on display in that video.

P.S. Edit that shit down so we don't have to watch 5 minutes of Washington countryside before witnessing the attempted homicide.

janinedm said...

@pqbuffington: A-fucking-men. The thing that was most disheartening about this is that anyone who has looked at the rules (which are similar in NY) knows that he's following the rules. The oft repeated complaint about cyclists is how we don't follow the rules and that's why we deserve whatever happens to us, and then with a video like this you see that no one understands what the rules actually are. Or I guess there's one rule, which applies in all 50 states: "drive a car."

janinedm said...

@wishiwasmerckx We need the lead-in. It sets a context of 1) there being sharrows 2) that the rider isn't weaving.

dancesonpedals said...

I started reading the links from my google search, "sharrows'. It's considered a grade iii bikelane: A shared lane with an acknowledgement that the 'bikes go here'.

(Grade one: Protected bikes-only lane (Protected with a barrier) Grade two: Dedicated lane, painted on. (No protection aka "Cipo Lane")

Some of those articles cited studies that the sharrows accomplish nothing (see today's video) in terms of safety & increasing bike use. God we have a shit load of them in NYC.

grog said...

Assault by auto.
Stupid humans.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

The last time Kenny Kesey "dropped" by, my cheeks glowed for a week. I am speaking of my face cheeks and my ass cheeks if you are wondering.

Anonymous said...

That is not a bike lane at all.

Good lights are cheap, and rechargeable. I've started running flashing front and rear lights 24-7.

janinedm said...

Good lights!?!?!? Do you honestly think that the kind of person who would hit another person with their SUV and drive away feels ANY kind of way about lights? I get it, this sort of victim-blaming helps you to feel like you're in control. If you just mount the bat signal to your bike and use it 24 hours a day, you'll be safe. You're so deluded.

Anonymous said...

i heard colors and saw sounds on my 20 miler this morn.no drugs were involved so no criminality reported here.

Bryan said...

In other news...The Knog Oi kickstarter campaign just sent me a survey to select my bells that don't look like bells.

Anonymous said...

RE: pqbuffington -- driver intent??

I would not read anything into driver intent beyond "I did not see him". Cause of "did not see him" could be cell phone, distraction, or just "I never see bikes on this road". I've been passed closely by buses, when they had a full, empty lane. When I asked the driver (we were both stuck at a light later), he said, with a look of surprise "I did not see you". He could have seen me, but he was not expecting to see me, so he did not. That's the way human perception works.

So I'm going heavy on the lights (see previous comment) and do not like the black BSNYC jersey. I'll take a day-glow orange one...

Anyway, we have a brand-spanking-new 3-foot rule here in California. It actually makes a big difference (when you are seen). A bigger difference than I expected. The way I read the law, if you don't have 3 feet to pass, you should "pass safely", and I think "pass safely" means that you must slow down, and if there is a collision while passing, you must be at fault.

I agree, sharrows are only informative, but do not change the way the road should be used by bikes or cars. The traffic should be doing the same things, with or without the sharrows. The process should be to make the road safer and slower, and then add sharrows. Here in Sunnyvale, the city put in sharrows on a 40 mph street when removing a bike lane. It is super-fantastic (not).

AnonSJ said...

re: Janinedm

I did not say it was not the driver's fault. Of course it was the driver's fault. I watched without sound... Was it a hit and run, too? Yucko. So far I have resisted the $200 rear video cam.

Freddy Murcks said...

The were talking with Cipo because he is an expert on the use of hidden motors, particularly the "hiding" of them in certain body cavities.

BamaPhred said...

Scranus. No need to overthink this one. I'm no expert, bu there looks like a a whole buncha (my techinical term) felony charges could be in play for that car driving jerk, plus a civil suit for injury and damages. Wide open road, sharrows, very light traffic....

Anonymous said...

Speaking of cycling on drugs, check out these photorealistic riffs on people's attempts to draw a bicycle from memory. Some of them even have Brooks saddles!

Freddy Murcks said...

The driver in the crash video was probably texting, talking on the phone, looking at FB, or etc. and didn't even notice that s/he had hit someone. The massive numbers of clueless drivers (the stupid fuckos run into freight trains on a fairly regular basis) are a much great danger to cyclists than the occasional malicious driver. At the end of the day, most malicious drivers are just pathetic, penile-challenged cowards who lack the balls to intentionally hit someone with their car, but the clueless fucks will runs someone down and not even notice that they have done it.

Unapologetic Apologist said...

Sorry sorry sorry;

I liked Al Trautwig doing TDF coverage. (NY Rangers fan, I am.)

Back to "Whose Fault Is It Anyway?"

N/A said...

Murcks @ 4:05

Boy howdy, that's the truth. Just watch cars go by, people's eyes looking down in their laps, cars hurtling down the road at 60mph. What could go wrong? The lines painted on the road are just for decoration, right?

pqbuffington said...

RE: Anonymous at April 19, 2016 at 2:51 PM

Oh yes, I am saying that it is quite probable that the driver bumped the cyclist intentionally.

And, here is the thing…if one expects me to believe, or at least entertain the notion, that the driver of the truck that struck the cyclist did so unintentionally and, after striking the cyclist, failed to realize that they indeed did strike someone and continued on their merry way, then I recommend that you acknowledge the other end of the belief spectrum, i.e. that the act was committed with deliberation.

If one prefers that the driver struck the cyclist unintentionally, realized the collision, then drove off in total disregard…which seems to be the consensus…well, I am not sure how accepting that scenario somehow allows one to dismiss the possibility of deliberation as an unlikely occurrence.

Like I said, I ride the roads in this area daily and year round. I am not claiming every day is blood sport. In fact, the area boasts some great riding in general as well as a growing network of multi-use trails and bike-lanes.

But I am testifying to the fact that this aggressive behavior occurs with more frequency than anyone seems prepared to admit. Even in the comments section here at BSNYC blog.

If you have never experienced such a thing, then god bless you.

But when it happens, you will know it - like one knows pornography when one sees it, or so I am told - and you will never mistake such an action for inattentiveness, recklessness, drunkenness, or the like - as horribly common and violent as they are - ever again.

I am sure the loss is mine, but I simply cannot give such benefit of doubt.

Anyways…the fact that Dan Scarf’s hip was broken, in addition to the emotional trauma, is the thing to remember. I wish him a speedy recovery, body and soul.

P. Bateman said...

since this is all a bit terrifying and depressing, here is uplifting video of someone who got clipped but almost certainly deserved it.

oldy but a goody

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4Ck5BnJBeY

JLRB said...

PQ - Is that road part of the circle around the Lake? I got severely lost wandering around there while off-fucking during a busyness trip to Bellvue - nobody tried to kill me - fun ride until the rains came crashing down.

For those who say the bikecyclist should have been in the shoulder - do you really ride a bikecycle yourself? Shoulders suck - they are full of the crud that tires push out of the roadway. They also require you to go in and out of the roadway when blocked by cars, pinched off due to obstacles to roads, etc. If the speed limit were 55 - sure stick to the crappy shoulder. At 25 MPH the fuck-o behind the wheel should have plenty of time to see you and avoid you.

Spokey said...

wishiwasmerckx at 2:16 PM

it's easy. i right-clicky and copy the youse-tube urlly thing and paste it into another windoze. i use fire-foxy so i can just click & go. once you do that, you can click ahead which is what i did with that video. got to after the crash and just backed up to a little before it.

JLRB said...

So 420 day is a recovery day from 419 day?

crosspalms said...

JLRB
Saw this somewhere else earlier today, but here it is for anyone who gets hungry tomorrow.

Roille Figners said...

Well I knew better than to watch a video saying "Here's where you stand as a cyclist in America" and all the comments confirm that I was right not to watch it. I can't mess with gettin' riled-up or I'll kill someone.

I do however kind of feel like busting out the torch again and building some of those hand-drawn fucked-up bikes o'th'ignorant.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

I know pornography when I see it, but why did Varjas stop doing those pin-up girl paintings and start making electric bieks motors? Maybe free Internet Porn put him out of business just like Intrrnet news is killing newspapers.

And lots of lights on your bieks is great but the texting and otherwise distracted driver will never hit you. Lastly, the BSNYC jersey is black in the front but has a nice bright orange-yellow-white stripe down the left side of the back to match the Fred Woo Hoo Hoo Speed fireball on the right sleeve, so it is safe but if you are a hunched over Fred the driver of a car coming up from behind may only see your ass which should be in black shorts regardless.


That is all.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Texting and otherwise distracted drivers will never see you and still hit you even if you have lots of lights I meant to say

Spokey said...


doesn't even matter if they see you. i was rollin (not roille) down a local road today. i'm pretty sure the woman walking to her car saw me, looked at me before waling up to her door and opening it right in front of me. there wasn't even a deetch to get in to.

Some guy from upstate said...

Whoa, dude, bicycle day, and then tomorrow is 4/20. Whoa.

And sharrows, man, they just confuse drivers. The sharrow is supposed to say "bikes can be on the road". But bikes can always be on the road. So the sharrow does nothing but confuse the driver (they are easily confused): "There is some kind of bicycle marking, but it's in the road, the road isn't a bike lane, it's all just for me. Maybe it means something to someone, but I do not care." Then they go back to checking email.

Kurt Vonnegut said...

I know the difference between art and pornography. Pubic hair.

Karl Hungus said...

Logjammin'

Arnold said...

Predator's coming back and he's PISSED!!!

Anonymous said...

Please turn controls on in your embedded youtube videos

leroy said...

Interesting fact: Anyone with a talking dog and doesn't need hallucinogens to see crazy shit.

Okay, maybe more apocryphal than proverbial, but still kind of interesting.

At least the pulsating colors and shapes are interesting.

Anonymous said...

https://momentummag.com/can-tell-whats-wrong-bicycles/

Richard Breaks said...

TRIPPIN' BALLZ.

EQUAL RIGHTS said...

TRIPPIN' VULVAZ

Matt said...

I always wondered what kind of 'respect' I'd get if I started carrying my 12ga shotgun w/ bandolier strap on my back as I ride..it would be quite obvious...maybe the mean people wouldn't be so quick to yell out their window (or throw their fast food soda and other stuff out the window at me, or buzz me w/ their mirror). But sadly, in the draconian state of California I'd be arrested real quick, as we are NOT an open carry state...and the poor innocent (and unarmed) people would be FREAKED OUT! "OMG, He's got a GUN! SCARY MAN, VERY SCARY! Call the police!" But I bet they'd be much more polite, right up until I went to jail anyway.

Anonymous said...

or they'd leave tire tracks on your back

Automotive Buddy said...

There are so many great balance bikes on the market. My one point f advice in buying a balance bike for your toddler is to make sure the bike is the right size for your child. A bike that is too big will have a negative first impression on your child because they won’t have control.

janifer said...

hi i just bought a brooklyn bike, one of those vintage looking ones with the basket on the front , im a chunkie monkey and the wheels are very thing and no use for my weight as they are practically flat when im seated on it. what would you suggest that will take my weight,im thinking of replacing the inner tubes with ultra heavy duty ones, but dont want to waste my money, what do you suggest , or do i need to buy new wheels entirely ?