Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Bicycle Day may be over but Wednesday has just begun!

Further to yesterday's post, apparently the Today Show wasn't the only media outlet that completely missed the point of "Bicycle Day:"

Today is National Bicycle Day and these stars are ditching their cars and turning to their two-wheelers to get them around town. 

Once again, there is no such thing as "National Bicycle Day," at least in America.  There is, however, such a thing as "Bicycle Day," which has pretty much nothing to do with cycling and pretty much everything to do with tripping balls on LSD.

Nevertheless, now that two entities with wide audiences and sizable social media followings have made the mistake, it's pretty safe to assume that every year more and more people will continue to do so.  This means that in a few years, for all intents and purposes, there really will be a "National Bicycle Day," even though nobody ever formally established one.

Indeed, the manner in which misinformation spreads and becomes truth is fascinating to watch, and it's also why religion is so absurd.  30 years ago some wigged-out college professor invented "Bicycle Day" as an excuse to drop acid and now it's poised to replace National Bike To Work Day.  Similarly there are people who think "god" doesn't want them to eat pork or cheeseburgers in 2016 because of some 5,000 year-old diet fad.  If it only takes a few tweets to corrupt history then how the hell do you take a book as old as the Bible seriously?

Speaking of religion, the Five Boro Bike Tour is nearly upon us, which means New York City churches will once again be blessing bikes:


I noticed this particular sigh whilst perambulating around The Greenwich Village not too long ago, and while I take pride in my apostasy I couldn't help noticing that MIRACLE OF MIRACLES the film crew shooting in the neighborhood was not blocking the bike lane:


Around these parts a film crew staying out of the bike lane is as miraculous as a person walking on water.  Actually it's even more miraculous than walking on water, since if the ambient temperature is just right the sewage in the Gowanus Canal congeals and you can easily walk across it to the Whole Foods.

And it probably couldn't hurt to get your bike blessed before the Five Boro Bike Tour because it's very easy to lose faith as you slip on your official hairshirt and take your place among the damned:


Really, it's as close as you can get to the Gates of Hell without actually dying:


The only difference is that Hell Itself is sponsored by a different bank:


Otherwise, the similarities between the Five Boro Bike Tour and Hell are uncanny, including the fact that in perdition you're forced to ride a hybrid bicycle with under-inflated tires for all eternity.

Meanwhile, in more earthly news, Gothamist is doing a video series on its staff's New York City bicycle commutes:


Our first clip comes from me, Jake Dobkin—a regular bike commuter between Park Slope and DUMBO. Going home from work I bike through Brooklyn Bridge Park, and then cut up Union Street, to avoid having to ride along Jay Street in Downtown Brooklyn, which continues to be one of the worst bike lanes in the entire city. This adds about a mile to my ride each way, and as you can see from the video above, it is still not an entirely safe trip.

Indeed, downtown Brooklyn can be a real shitshow, but this is actually fairly benign by New York standards:



I mean sure, this person cuts him off, but at least he's signaling:


If anything, while ostensibly this video highlights the dangers cyclists face, I think it did a better job of highlighting just how efficient cycling in New York City is in spite of it all.  Consider the fact that he's keeping pace with that same SUV while stopping for reds and without making too much of an effort.  Meanwhile the driver is probably cursing and gunning it at every light change.

Of course, the driver of that SUV would probably blame all that on the bike lanes, but then again the driver of that SUV is probably an idiot.

Anyway, they're taking submissions if you're so inclined:

If your ride to or from work is worse, and want to contribute to this series, please send in your video. Some rules: you must film your entire ride with no cuts, so we can verify it's a real commute with no special effects. Please obey all pertinent laws, including red lights and stop signs, as we know you normally would!

I'd send one in myself, but as a semi-professional bike blogger I like to throw my computer in a bag, leave the city altogether, and arrive at my final destination via a mountain bike trail--and while that might make for entertaining video I'm not sure it's what they're looking for.

Still, we could all do with some pointers when it comes to dealing with road hazards, and to that end here's a video called "Bicycling With Complete Safety:"


In which the friendly neighborhood police officer endeavors to tell children how not to die:


I'm pretty sure I recognize this actor from another PSA of that era called "The Hirsute Palms of the Sightless Masturbator."

Anyway, meet Willie Jones, who likes to ride while eating popcorn:


Well, no prizes for guessing what happens next:


Yes, the popcorn says it all:


"Gee, you mean he spilled his popcorn?," asks this kid:




"No, he's dead, you little shit!," shouts the cop.

Just kidding.

Actually Willie Jones doesn't die at all, he just winds up under the bumper:


After which the motorist helps extricate him instead of simply driving away like they do today.

Then he has to spend a few weeks in the hospital, which means his parents have to use their  "Christmas savings" to pay the bill:


Awww, no Christmas for Willie.

As for the kid I faked you out with though, that's Froggy from the "Little Rascals," and he wasn't so lucky:

Laughlin died at a hospital on August 31, 1948 after a truck struck the Cushman Motor Scooter on which he was delivering newspapers near his home in La Puente, California. The 16-year-old friend who was operating the scooter, John Wilbrand, made a U-turn in front of the truck, but survived with minor injuries.[2][3][4][5][6] The scooter was given to Laughlin by his parents two weeks prior to the accident.[7] Laughlin lived the shortest life of the actors who appeared in the Our Gang films, dying at the age of 16. Laughlin is interred in a grave at the Rose Hills Memorial Park Cemetery in Whittier, California, in the same row as his parents.

Holy fucking shit that's depressing.

In any event, the lesson here is supposed to be not to ride while eating popcorn, but my takeaway was that kids were way, way tougher back then.  Consider:

--They had to use a "Christmas savings" instead of mommy and daddy just running up the credit card;
--They could ride 75lb bikes no-handed while scarfing popcorn;
--They could survive head-on helmetless collisions with non-Naderized automobiles

Now meet Bobby, who has a combination of caution and awesome bike handling skills.  For example, check him out skidding his way out of a potentially disastrous "dooring" situation:


Which earns him a pat on the back from the motorist:


("Ha ha!  I almost killed you, you little scamp!")

And here's a police officer dressing down a street tough riding a bicycle on the sidewalk:


Aw fuck it, I'm buying a Studebaker.

95 comments:

Roille FIgners said...

oily man with a plunging neckline engaging in discourse

Seesred said...

Podium! Now spraying cool champagne on overheated seat tube motor as we speak!

Anonymous said...

PORT LAND

Ken Kesey's penis said...


Bicycle day is about bicycles?

So what do I do with all this leftover LSD?

Spokey said...


top fin

ken e. said...

scranus!

Anonymous said...

Tripping balls!

Not really. I'm at work. :-/

Anonymous said...

Top ten, booked the day off to wash bikes and repack hubs. Since I have four bikes and 20 wheels, it may take the whole day but I'm ok with that.

streepo said...

Hirsute palmed sightless masturbater here!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hub dragging at the back of the pack.

dancesonpedals said...

harrumph

Freddy Murcks said...

I pretty much wish that I could have dropped acid yesterday and ridden around on my bicycle. However, I am kinda old and I am not sure where I would go if I wanted to "score" some acid (where's a Phish show when you need one? Although I'd say that you never really "need" a Phish show.). That and I am kind of afraid of psychedelics - reality is plenty terrifying, thank you very much.

In spite of my fear of actually consuming psychedelics, I have always appreciated the phrase "tripping balls" for it's shear and aggressive stupidity. Although I think it should always be "Dude, I am totally tripping balls!" or "Trippin' balls, dude!".

teh_bikes! said...

Bicycle day, Burrito day, it's all the same.

BTW burrito day is 19 December.

Dave said...

Newspaper taxis appear on the shore
Waiting to take you away
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and you're gone...

Encountered an Elf on the trail this morning. So-called civilization continuing
inexorable decline. Calling Home Planet: time for my extraction.

BamaPhred said...

Draggin my seal

trama said...

How I experience religion on a day to day basis: "My invisible friend wants me to shit on your lifestyle."

Side note: Whittier CA ain't what it used to be.

grog said...

EMS going chapter 11 and closing stores. What's the story Snobbers?

Winky said...

It might be the camera angle, but Jake seems to be in the habit of jamming himself up the inside of vehicles indicating that they are about to turn across his path.

Anonymous said...

Is the "officer dressing down a street tough" the first example of stop and frisk? Or maybe just some old guy in a uniform engaging in a little pederast behavior?

Anonymous said...

The entire video was a condescending 30's style grand victim blaming production.

Spokey said...

5 cars running red lights?

the only way i'd see fewer than 5 around here is keep my eyes closed.

P. Bateman said...

the appropriate tire pressure for your ride down by the river Acheron is 3,444.215 Torrs...which is obviously 66.6 psi's.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Twenty tooth!

Carlos Castaneda said...

I am craving an epic enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a tortilla.

P. Bateman said...

so how about that Trump? pretty smashing victory.

i wish trump and bernie would team up. that would be a fantastic ticket.

DB said...

That was great, Snob.
Can we watch Reefer Madness tomorrow?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Twenty Turd actually-I find it amazing how the police went from being friendly and helpful to lying about hitting cyclists and pedestrians and arresting mailman in less than 100 years. It's god to know that even back in those golden times, adults were still careless!

Hardboiled 40s Editor Stereotype said...

If this Bicycle Day thing is half the fake day Black Friday is, we've got a hit on our hands, kid! chomp, chomp [Ed. note: he smokes cigars] Good job. Now get the hell outta my office!

Anonymous said...

Freddy Murcks
Just go to any outdoor music festival, acid is actually very very popular these days... You also don't really need a bicycle, just a nice day.

Deepak Sighng said...

"When you were young, you were taught not to do that!"
Story of my life.

dnk said...

Holy shit that is a grim urban landscape in the "Bicycling With Complete Safety" video.

What is going on with the giant roving smoke cloud at about 0:22? A passing locomotive? A building collapse? The plume from a giant cigar?

ubercurmudgeon said...

"I noticed this particular sigh whilst perambulating around The Greenwich Village not too long ago"

Due to that typo, in fifty years time everyone will commemorate April 20th as National Sighing Day, in which people will put on their best Rip Torn masks, and perambulate while enjoying low moans outside religious sites, and yelps of approval at film crews not blocking bike lanes.

Spokey said...


uber

great catch

COD

crosspalms said...

Speaking of LSD, why did I only today notice the bridge-eating lizard in the Work Cycles ad? And how come there aren't any volunteers out on the streets giving away Bicycle Day T-shirts and Clif Bars?

And if you can get Walz to do a jersey with the Bank of America Gates of Hell image on it, I'm all in. I'll probably be laughing about that all day.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

So I get to do a commute report!
All the stuff happens when I don't have a camera ready!
Cool sunrise, nice blue tall bike guy riding on the Manhattan Bridge in the morning. Various cool stuff along the way. The changing state of all the goddamm construction going on. ANOTHER tall bike guy on Kent Ave. had to dismount because some flatbed garbage truck or something was creeping along in the bike lane towards us. So that's how you get off one of those in a hurry.

Sands Street and Gold street near Hillary's h.q. in Brooklyn was all blocked off by like 50 police vehicles of all descriptions. I asked a cop, is this only for primary night or is it always like this?
"There was a shooting".
Oh sorry...

On 2nd Ave / Ridge Boulevard and 60th street in Brooklyn saw a Police helicopter land at the harbor patrol station on 58th st and the waterside. Really cool.

Now if I had my camera ready, I would have seen none of it.

Good to be back on the road though.

vsk

Rosebud said...

Film Noir Day on the Snob Channel. Recording my commute might produce NSFW footage. When driver's wish me a nice day (using four letter words) I have a habit of replying something to the effect of intercourse you and then I add something about them having intercourse with a mother.

McFly said...

I always thought it was for all intensive porpoises....

......learn something er'day.

Pavé Schur said...

No celebs riding Fred sleds in that opening image. Freds 1, Snob 6.02 * 10 ^23

dnk said...

vsk,

Sands & Gold last evening. I saw that too. I overheard a bypasser (not a cop) say that someone got killed. But I don't think that was the case:

https://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20160419/vinegar-hill/nypd-officers-involved-shooting-near-brooklyn-navy-yard-tuesday-police

Anonymous said...

good one, see you tomorrow and all of the rest of the tomorrows....

Anonymous said...

I like the Gothamist bike video thing. Shows how fucking shitty and dangerous the drivers are in this town and how bikes and bike lanes are routinely ignored. Not that anything will come of it.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you didn't mention the special report on moto doping on the Today show this morning. Amateur.

wats7 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bad boy of the north said...

In conjunction with the possibility of another gran fondont,brought to you by bsnyc,inc.,an additional ride,ie summer,the five bar-o bike tour.places that have been scoped out by our illustrious leader..any comments?

wishiwasmerckx said...

15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I prefer in lean-to's and purposes; I don't care for tents.

wats7 said...

Listening to the music in the safety video I thought for sure the Lone Ranger and Tonto would show up and save the day. And why is Bobby being touted as a safe rider as he signals for a left turn and then turns right?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

NNK it looks like DNAinfo took that story down but then they had this one-

http://dnain.fo/1WDEn6p#.VxfJW47_4cQ.mailto

Virginia is for lovers after all.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...hey, cars used to be benevolent in the old days too.

...and I don't believe that PSA for a second. Cars save lives!

janinedm said...

You're never really too old to do drugs, but you can get to be too old to seek out drug dealers. I knew a guy at college whose dad bought from n antiques dealer. He'd buy a chifforobe or a divan and there'd be a pound of sumpin or a sheet of sumpin in a drawer or taped to the bottom. You definitely can't go around approaching youths. In my experience, kids who have the best drugs are the worst at talking to anyone over 25.

Anonymous said...

Way back in the pack - watched the 1939 bicycle safety PSA. Yes, The. Entire. Thing.

A few comments/questions:
Where was it filmed?
Anyone else notice the lack of black people and any girls on bikes?
Those police uniforms look hot, as in sweating hot not stylish - maybe it was just colder back then. Come to think of it, all the clothes look really heavy and hot - must have been some serious wool availability in those days, too.
The "good" boy has a nice art-deco styled bike.

Roille Figners said...

Once I was in Babble-land with the band, having crossed the border sans weed, and trying to buy some on the street. Now we didn't go in for any rock star douche fashions or any of that. Two of us were overweight, all were over 30, one bald, and I think I had a crewcut at the time. We asked one dude and he's like "oh yeah, what is this, THE COP CREW?!" Thought we were cops. It cracked me up. Which might have helped thaw his suspicions actually.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:51pm,

Black people? Girls on bikes? In a PSA from 1939?

You'd be more likely to see a Starbucks.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:51pm,

Regarding setting, the car that ran over Willie Jones appears to have Missouri plates. There's also a sign for "W. 65th Street."

Kansas City?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

P. Bateman said...

never in my life have i hung around a girl named jackie and then suddenly in the span of 4 days i get hit up by two of them on the bumble app.

first was a Jaclyn, and she was totally false advertising. roughly 200% too large to ride this ride. think i got used for free dinner. diabetes will exact my revenge.

second one one is a Jacqueline and much prettier. she's 30, maybe 105 pounds and coming out of a 10 year relationship which is just fantastic as i can be the first to show her how the dirty 30's are supposed to work.

whats this have to do with bikeen? well, not much... but i did ride my chubby bike to work and i the chubby reminded me of the big girl and also of the state of my penis thinking about the second girl.

1904 Cadardi said...

If you're going to buy a Studebaker I recommend the '57 supercharged Golden Hawk.

Anonymous said...

Hanging around the local middle or high school looking for acid isn't the best plan. At middle age, or any age. Just ask your kids to get it for you.

babble on said...

Yeah, actually, there's a lot of evidence that the Bible was knowingly tampered with. Back in 1985, an academic named Salibi hypothesized rather convincingly that the events of the old testament actually happened on the Arabian peninsula, and not in Palestine. The names and places actually match up, as opposed to the case in Palestine, where there is not one single shred of archaeological evidence to back up even a tiny fraction of the old books. Course, soon as it was published, the Saudis immediately bulldozed several of the most obvious villages, and prohibited any archaeological digs, and they continue to do so to this day.


Heh. Can you imagine the furor if the Arab world were to learn that their holy land is in fact the long lost land of the Jews, promised unto them by God? The whole world would need a tab of acid and a good bike ride....

bad boy of the north said...

Holy moley,babs.

BamaPhred said...

WhatyoutryatellmeSnob? Everthing they taught me down at the First Holiness Temple of Footwashers and Serpent Handlers is wrong?

And say it ain't so. Next thing you know people will be telling me creation wasn't complete in six days, Noah's Ark didn't float down the Grand Canyon, and we are descended from monkeys.

All this time I thought the monkeys were a higher form of evolution.

Going outside to slit wrists.

Anonymous said...

Happy 420 everyone!

Freddy Murcks said...

janinedm said...You're never really too old to do drugs, but you can get to be too old to seek out drug dealers.

You can also be too busy and pressed for time to purchase or do drugs. The last time I was in Colorado I was planning on stopping at the MJ dispensary next to the Costco (yes, there's a large marijuana shop next to the Costco - it looks like it was formerly an oil change place), but I had to pick my wife and kids up from the pool and I didn't have enough time. Adulting is hard sometimes. My niece's BF is a budtender. I am going to see if he can hook me up the next time I am in Colo.

Dooth said...

Long strange trips on my dedicated tripping bike and I reach "oh, wow" speed.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Babs, "Palestine?" Really?

It was NOT called that during biblical times. Common mistake.

The first time it was actually "Palestine" was as a result of the British Mandate in 1922.

The State of Palestine was founded by Arafat and the PLO in 1988.

"Samaria and Judea" would be a more accurate historical description.

An ancient Chinese proverb teaches that the first step on the path to wisdom is to call things by their true name. Mislabelling biblical Israel as Palestine lends the Palestinian cause a historical attribution to which it is unequivocally not entitled.

P. Bateman said...

here in lovely florida everyone is seemingly into imports and exports.

lot of people walking around with those absurd vape pens full of liquid THC. even the old folks.

i'm actually surprised i do bikey around here given the average blood alcohol/drug levels of damn near everyone on the road is at least 2-3 times higher than their IQ's.




Spokey said...


pb

BAC / THC around here is also 2-3 x higher than IQ. but we're all sober.

Anonymous said...

Jesus everyone seems to gloss over Froggy's passing. My condolences to Mr and Mrs Froggy and the extended Froggy family. Another brilliant child actor struck down in his prime before he could reach his potential. At the time of his passing he was saving his acting and newspaper money to open a chain of bars called "Mr Frog's", he had plans to open his first bar in Tijuana.. Via con dios Senior Frog.

JLRB said...

Just because its made up doesn't mean its not true.

Atomic Man said...

The all time grandaddy of all bicycle PSA's

http://publicdomainreview.org/collections/one-got-fat-bicycle-safety-1963/

Take a hit of acid and enjoy!

BamaPhred said...

Of course, WIWM has it right.

I was merely rude.

(Holds out hands to be smacked with ruler, for being rude. Snifling, walks back to desk, but with head held high.)

Some guy from upstate said...

Right after the dressing down, sidewalk-riding street tough pulls off a nice cyclocross remount. I'd like to see him hoist that bike over the barriers.

Roille Figners said...

Can I be just kind of like over drugs? They seem to demand more of me than they give back. Not that regular reality's any kind of peachy keen, but I mean, it beats "regular reality plus I'm tired for the next 2 days"...

dancesonpedals said...

I prefer caanan

BamaPhred said...

No discussion on Pre-antediluvian patriarchs? It was beginning to get interesting.

Spokey said...


roille

i believe i'll drink to that.

bama

speaking of anti-deluvian. as a part of a training exercise to night the head of the EOC asked "how many kinds of animals did moses bring on to the ark?" We all got it wrong. which of course is why i had to pick up that stoli

bieks said...

A Canadian bank sponsoring the 5 Boro tour? Oh, me thinks Trump will put an end to those shenanigans.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC at 3:04

That's some damned fine detective work there snob... damned fine indeed.

Anonymous said...

Babble at 3:12

Good Lob...So many logical fallacies and woo in your post I'm not even sure where to begin.

Yes, the Bible was tampered with. Mainly because it was all written from the imagination and creation of people.. so, from the beginning it's a farce.

As WIWM points out.. Palestine didn't exists before the Brits started making promises that the rest of the world had to cash WRT the middle east..(i.e. ottoman empire breakup). (Soviets publishing of the "secret treaties").



dancesonpedals said...

Not just the Brits... the Frogs had a hand in there as well.

JLRB said...

Will someone please come by and reassemble all of my half completed bike projects? Unspecified reward will be provided.

I'm goin out on a limb said...

JLRB= Jehovah
Unfinished bike projects= The Middle East

McFly said...

I like that one part in The Bible where it says my wife must submit and I am ruler over thine own singlewide trailer.

She doesn't....not even close....but I can dream.

STG said...

Such a dumb commute video.

Bike lanes are affirmative action for the road. Legally, you have every right to be on the road bike lane or not, but it’s a constant visual reminder to drivers that you belong there. Don’t kvetch every time a motorist enters the bike lane to pass a construction vehicle or make a turn. You yourself have to constantly leave the bike lane to pass slower cyclists and to turn. A bike lane is only paint, and road conditions are dynamic, not static. If a driver is well ahead of you and indicates a turn, you do not have the right to pass on the inside. Right turn on red is illegal in NYC but hey, it’s handy to have practice for the rest of the country.

NYC is full of savages. Savages respect one thing, and that’s strength. Be a majestic and powerful beast on your bike. Ride assertively and swiftly and command respect.

babble on said...

Oh ferfucksake. Semantics. And that was precisely the point!! Call it what you will, the whole thing is set in the WRONG PLACE. If you superimpose the biblical map on the Arabian peninsula, it's a fit, whereas nothing, not one thing makes sense located where it is.

Take for example all of the gates of Jerusalem. A walled city would have four gates, one for each direction. BUT, in the original Hebrew, the word for city also applied to a region, and the gates referred to also apply to mountain passes, and what do you know? Suddenly it works. There are exactly the number described. Never mind the names of villages, towns and cities. Just take a look for yourself. It's astoundingly evident.

CommieCanuck said...

I come here for the best upnose porn.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...for Lob's sake... it's stinking of biblical farts in here. Old, musty, unrecognizable stench. This is BikeSnobNYC, not BibleSnobNYC.

N/A said...

If you're trippin' balls, you should try this: Sync up "Dark Side of The Moon" to the movie "The Ten Commandments".

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Commie? Anything he brings up in his post is fair game, don'tcha think? :)

The Mississippi Bible said...

And Jesus said all Commies shall be banished to Toronto to suffer under any mayor therein.

BDC said...

That last sentence may be your greatest ever!

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