Friday, March 18, 2016

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Hello!

Firstly, looks like things are going great down in New South Wales, Astralia:
I'm assuming they'll also fine you $500 for leaving the bike lane to avoid the sign.

Secondly...really?


I mean sure, the Knog bell is nifty and all, but what is so ugly and annoying about a regular bike bell?  It's round and goes "ding."  It's classic, perhaps even iconic.  Yet the writer of this article seems to think it's a grave injustice that has plagued humanity since the late 19th century:

THE BRITISH INVENTOR John Richard Dedicoat designed the bike bell in the late 19th century. His vision—a simple rounded piece of metal with a small lever the rider flicks to produce a tinny “ding”—has endured for more than a century. Despite its basic form and, frankly, irritating sound, Dedicoat’s design has become the de-facto bike bell for old beaters and sleek road bikes alike.

Wow.  Never have I encountered such disdain for something so round and innocuous:

Most bells look like, well, a bell. Or a small hamburger. Or maybe a mushroom. However you describe them, they’ve always been the sort of thing that looked at home on a beach cruiser and nothing else. Knog wanted to challenge the iconic shape and improve upon its feeble ring. The designers started by looking at how instruments like the glockenspiel and xylophone create sound. “We realized when we started cutting up bits of metal and pipes you could hit one of them and it would make a beautiful sound, then you would clamp it to the handlebars and it would make a dull thwap,” he says.

Yeah, maybe some bells look like a hamburger because they're supposed to and they're meant for children's bikes:

Anyway, her gross generalizations about bells are, frankly, appalling.  Novelty bells aside, there are all sorts of delightfully sonorous Fred chimes to choose from:

And that's not even including the artisanal one I installed not too long ago:


So I can only conclude that the writer of the above article was the victim of some childhood trauma wherein a bunch of neighborhood kids surrounded her on their bikes and rang their hamburger bells jeeringly at her.

And while she has my sympathy, that's no reason to go impugning the innocent bicycle bell.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the question, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong you'll see a HILARIOUS prank.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and never mind the bellocks.


--Wildcat Rock Machine




0) Why must Max take a different route than his riding buddies?

--His headtube is one (1) degree too steep to negotiate the trail safely
--When asked #whatpressureyourunning he gave an unsatisfactory answer
--His coach said he's not allowed to get his heart rate up today
--They told him he can't ride with them until he grows a beard






1) The Omata is a cockpit-mounted analog gauge that tells you exactly #whatpressureyourunning at all times.

--True
--False





2) Which is not a selling point of the Bird of Prey?

--"Aerodynamic. The world's fastest bicycle for racing and triathlons"
--"Safety. Never go over the handlebars"
--"Great for cyclocross!"
--"Comfort. No more lower back pain or discomfort, no pressure on the prostate"






3) Miss your Caribbean vacation?  The H-Zontal prone recumbent recreates the sensation of snorkeling on dry land.

--True
--False






4) A Johns Hopkins University study revealed that large sprockets are:

--More efficient
--Less efficient
--Equally efficient
--Great for making sparks while cornering





(Hydrodynamic Lube extrraction)

5) The "fastest chain in the world" uses:

--NanoTube Chain Optimisation
--Hydrodynamic Lube
--All of the above






6) The slowest chain in the world uses:

--NanoCorrision
--Fe2O3 Chain Debilitation
--Binding Link Action For Enhanced Stiffness
--All of the above


***Special Fat Bike-Themed Bonus Video!***



Doesn't mention what pressure he's running.

63 comments:

Ted K. said...

131. Technicians (we use this term in its broad sense to describe all those who perform a specialized task that requires training) tend to be so involved in their work (their surrogate activity) that when a conflict arises between their technical work and freedom, they almost always decide in favor of their technical work. This is obvious in the case of scientists, but it also appears elsewhere: Educators, humanitarian groups, conservation organizations do not hesitate to use propaganda or other psychological techniques to help them achieve their laudable ends. Corporations and government agencies, when they find it useful, do not hesitate to collect information about individuals without regard to their privacy. Law enforcement agencies are frequently inconvenienced by the constitutional rights of suspects and often of completely innocent persons, and they do whatever they can do legally (or sometimes illegally) to restrict or circumvent those rights. Most of these educators, government officials and law officers believe in freedom, privacy and constitutional rights, but when these conflict with their work, they usually feel that their work is more important.

Anonymous said...

First, because TEd doesn't count!

SMELLO BAGGINS said...

Scranus!

Scrockern8r said...

scrockern8r,
Top 3rd.
Love your blog. Read it for years. First comment.
What can I say. I'm a lurker...

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Top 5?

grog said...

Tpo Tne
0) warmup question
FUNK WIZZ
RIDE NICE
MORE BABE

N/A said...

Bikecycle bells are a great scourge and must be banished.

dnk said...

Slight decrease in temperature forecast for the upcoming weekend in NYC. Adjust tire pressure accordingly per Boyle's Law.

McFly said...

That girl soooooooooooooooooooo has a chainring tat on her inner calve/ankle region.

She also has a fat lil' ass.

"ON YOUR LE.....NEVERMIND I'LL STAY BACK HURRRRR!!!"

streepo said...

scranus

Prey on Birds said...

This just in, Cipo's women's team, The Cipolets, to ride Bird of Prey bikes this season.

bad boy of the north said...

if it's Friday...it must be Belgium.ding!

Anonymous said...

That Taiwan WD-40 sure makes a lot of people smile.

leroy said...

My dog says he has a can't miss marketing idea for the new Knog bell.

He tells me we already backed the project using my credit card. Why am I always the last to know?

Oh well, ride safe all. If it snows Sunday, we're breaking out the dog sled. But this time, I'm tossing the coin to see who pulls.

leroy said...

Although it appears we are backing the Knog bell project, my dog wishes to remind folks that for those who think all bike bells ruin the lines of one's handlebars, he has a course on how to make DIY bike bell noises sans bell.

Ride safe, indeed.

Anonymous said...

"...he has a course on how to make DIY bike bell noises sans bell."

The video in that link is FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG. Takes less then 15 seconds to get the joke.

Anonymous said...

"...if you're wrong you'll see a HILARIOUS prank."

Must be using a definition of the word "hilarious" that up until now I have been unaware.

Anonymous said...

Bird of Prey girl really really likes your penis bell. For the enhanced stiffness.

Anonymous said...

Leroy, you have the best self effacing posts. Always makes me laugh.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

I'm going to prey on that Bird of Prey girl!

Anonymous said...

There is no correct answer for question 0) . NOoooooooooooooo

Sauron the Fred said...

One chain ring to rule them all.

P. Bateman said...

the prank video sucked, save for the the announcer girl in the video - i certainlywouldn't mind ringing her bell.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Yes, but... can one use Puff Dino 191 in the bedroom?

[My friend works in bedrooms and she doesn't like noisy equipment]

Some guy from upstate said...

NSW bike lane picture manages to be both hilarious and pathetic at the same time.

At 0:59 in the Puff Dino 191 ad, overalls wearing scooter mechanic guy hozes the stuff all over the brake rotor and tire. Don't see any potential issues there.

crosspalms said...

I'd like some of those Australian signs in bike lanes here, reading "Please don't park in bike lane"

I think Zlatan terrifies me, too.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

PUFF DINO

ken e. said...

that's my new rap name. it's gonna be 808's all the way down.

P. Bateman said...

I'm re-labeling my cans of PB Blaster to Puff Dino

I'm also renaming my penis to PB Blaster as i just realized the initials work.

Roille Figners said...

I keep thinking about prone recumbent lady a.k.a. Bird of Prey girl a.k.a. The New Recumbabe '16 a.k.a. "the last time a female was anywhere near one of these bikes." I'm in love with her all over again. Our love cannot be rent asunder.

ken e. said...

not so coincidentally most of roille's comment is going into my first slow jam...

Anonymous said...

Guess what sucker, YOU DON'T COUNT!

leroy said...

Dear Mr./Ms. Anon 12:03 PM --

My dog informs me that the 15 minute version is the executive summary.

As usual, I'm not quite sure what he means.

But he assures me if I watch the video long enough, it will all become clear.

Gregory Michael Andrews said...

Who needs a bell, when you can have a 120 decibel bike air horn? Auzies could probably even hear it.

http://www.mec.ca/product/4013-597/samui-air-zound-cycling-horn/?h=10+51893&f=10+51894

Anonymous said...

WIRED has jumped the shark. I can only imagine that Knog compensated them for that puff piece; another writer recently castigated Flickr and urged readers to move all their photos to Google Photos in what looked suspiciously like paid content. It’s sad to watch a once-excellent magazine collapse into clickbait.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Binding link action for enhanced stiffness...bring it Zlatan!

Anonymous said...

HORS DONG

Anonymous said...

Prey Bike Babe, how about a maple leaf for her cheek?

Anonymous said...

this bike might be heavier: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2012/06/pedal_power.html#photo18

dop said...

Why? Why?

Maybe the rider is impaired...a tragic accident or an unfortunate war wound ala William Hurt in Big Chill or Jake in The Sun Also Rises

1904 Cadardi said...

I need a whole case of Dino Puff 191 STAT!

In addition to lubricating motorcycle brake rotors, it can lubricate bicycle chains from the non-drive side and apparently untangle fishing line too. That stuff is magic!

1904 Cadardi said...

Dammit, it's Puff Dino 191. No wonder my order on Amazon didn't go through.

Anonymous said...

I can't stop laughing every time I see that pic of Cipo getting milked...Genius!

Anonymous said...

Hey Mr. Snob;

Can you make fun of this story?

You have the entire weekend to try.

Kerry said...

Random thought.....I miss Vito the helper monkey. Please have him in a cameo shot in some future post

DB said...

Hey, New Yorkers. Lots of Iowans in town this weekend, the Hawks beat Temple and the Big Ten wrestling championship is in town. Appreciate you showing my people a good time. That is all. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Dear New South Wales. This is an example or real dangerous cycling. Pluss this rider was taking up the whole road.

http://wivb.com/2016/03/18/man-pleads-guilty-to-gun-possession-dangerous-bike-riding-in-buffalo/

Dooth said...

That Knog bell has quite a repertoire: It sings Tubular Bells for fearless retro grouches;
it sings Ring My Bell for 70's disco lovers; and it sings Ring of Fire for the Man in Black.

Arizona redneck said...

Hulking Holsteins?
Hilarious!

David G said...

Genuine, literal "lol" at that opening picture. Thanks! (and thanks to all the crustaceans in heaven that I don't live in NSW)

David G said...

And now I know to hate my bike bell. Damn you, vile accessory! Go abide with Donald Trump!

Blow my horn said...

@Gregory Michael Andrews - 120dB air horns are illegal in NSW - I kid you not.

Anonymous said...

Knog should be able sell those fancy ringers by the metric shit-ton here in Australia since it seems that Duncan Gay's troglodyte syphilis has oozed over the border into Queensland:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-02-25/police-crackdown-on-bicycles-without-bells-in-queensland/7198784

Hey, Big Mal Turnbull, you're a public transport riding, future-modern-city kinda guy. Little Mikey Baird and Chunky Dunky Gay seem to be thumbing their noses at your good ideas and disrupting the rest of the class. Maybe it's time to rein those boys in - make them sit on the naughty mat for a while. Whadya think?

Anonymous said...

My favorite is the bell that looks like a taco. Also Planet Bike makes some nice discreet bells. When're you getting an Instagram?

dancesonpedals said...

Oh for a video clip of Jean Arthur singing, Eye-oh-A

Roille Figners said...

Thought of another selling point for the Bird of Prey: It's perfect for naked bike rides. Not for the reason you're thinking I'm thinking. Although that is a good reason too.

Also I was wrong: THIS is the last time a female was near one. Gettin' classier every minute!



And so what of CJ - is he on a "down" cycle, or just being ruthlessly censored?

Anonymous said...

There's a joke...??

DB said...

Iowa.
We test your Basic Skills.

bieks said...

Pretty sure those tractor tire will run fine at zero PSI attached to a bike frame - so run-flat technology!

Thanks for the Taiwan lube vid. I'm going to try lubing my noisy dick breaks right now. Awesome tip!

Dead Ringer said...

I like it when you write about bells, it has a peal.

apropos of nothing said...

The more you scroll down the stranger they get.

N/A said...

I bet the picture for the "slowest chain in the world" came from a Craigslist ad for a bike that "needs just a little TLC to make perfect!".

Anonymous said...

Bad news: Mayors Robs Fords died at age 46.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/mar/22/rob-ford-dies-cancer-former-toronto-mayor