BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Welcome to the future, where all your Fred rides are virtual, and where you get to experience the thrill of riding with a pro cyclist's avatar:

LONG BEACH, Calif. (BRAIN) — Zwift and the Amgen Tour of California are teaming up on some promotional online group rides involving past and present competitors in the race. 

The first group ride was scheduled for 5 p.m. PST Wednesday led by Laurens Ten Dam from Team Giant­Alpecin.

If you're unfamiliar with Zwift, it's Fred cycling without all that pesky time spent outdoors:

Here at Zwift we believe that the best parts about cycling are the places you go and the people you go there with.

Outdoor cycling is great. But weather, traffic, time constraints and distance from other cyclists can take the fun out of it.

That’s why we’ve created a new destination that places you and your bike into immersive, detailed, 3D landscapes with other cyclists from around the world.

I dunno, I prefer a little cold and traffic to churning away on a hamster wheel.  Then again, I realize I'm the last cyclist on earth who doesn't mind figuring out something else to do when it's too crappy to ride outside.  See when there's two feet of snow and counting and a travel ban in place, that's the universe's way of telling you it's perfectly fine to sit on your ass, drink beer, and watch Netfix.

Nevertheless, it's fascinating to watch all these familiar Fredly customs take on digital form:

This event will also see the debut of the 2016 Amgen Tour of California virtual cycling kit. Zwift will announce the promo code on the day of the ride, which will allow users to unlock this kit for their in-­game avatars. Participating cyclist avatars must wear the kit during the ride.

Wow, even in the virtual world they make you wear a special jersey?

That's avatarded.

(Though presumably Digital You gets to wear a race cut instead of a club cut.)

Speaking of the future, soon there will be a ready-made version of every solution that was once "DIY," including the quick-release lock:



Remember how I said I used to be a bike messenger?  Well in addition to wearing a chain around my waist I also locked my skewers shut with hose clamps, because that's just what you did.  So this would be the latest "street" anti-theft technique to take store-bought form.

In theory this is a decent idea, though the fact that it only works with open cam skewers is a sizable drawback.

Seems to me you're probably better off both upgrading and theft-proofing your skewers simultaneously by getting something like this.

But what do I know about urban cycling, besides everything?

Lastly, via the Twitter, here's some great news for fans of both head protection and salad:

It probably doesn't meet Australian safety regulations, but it does come with this lovely olivewood two-piece salad serving set:

(Just $24.95 from Crate and Barrel!)

Imagine how impressed your riding buddies will be when you stop by the farmer's market and whip up a salad for everybody in your helmet.

By the way, that is one nonplussed-looking model:

Though you tend to sulk when your hair and beard smell like vinaigrette.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think and click on your answer.  If you're right you are the God of Salad, and if you're wrong you'll see the "Share The Road" song.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and get plenty of roughage.



--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) This is the World's Greatest Madone.

--True
--False

2) This is the World's Greatest Burst of Flatulence.

--True
--False

3) Upper East Side community board member Michele Birnbaum objects to a new bike lane because:

--Cyclists are reckless
--She may have to park her car across the street from her home instead of directly in front of it
--It is a "visual cacophony that if you look there long enough it will induce a dizzying type of vertigo"
--She's concerned that bike lanes will cause her neighborhood to gentrify

4) In pedestrian advocacy parlance, this is known as a:

--"Sneckdown"
--"Blizzard bulbout"
--"Ricotta slice o' smugness"
--Slushy urine-soaked pile of shit

(South Dakota.  Ruined mountains.  Dead white men.)

5) A South Dakota bill would require cyclists to:

--Equip their bicycles with flags no shorter than 5 feet tall
--Refrain from riding when the temperature dips below 0 degrees Fahrenheit
--Stop and dismount for passing cars
--Stop and recite the Pledge of Allegiance whenever passing an American flag

6) What's in here?

--A bike share station
--A portable "pop-up hotel room" complete with bike
--A portable restroom complete with toilet
--It's full of stars

7) Which is not one of the four ways your tire pressure is wrong according to "Bicycling?"

--Your pump's tire pressure gauge is not accurate enough
--You have not weighed yourself to determine your exact front and rear weight distribution
--You're not checking it obsessively enough
--You're using the wrong air mixture for your altitude

***Special Head-On Collision-Themed Bonus Video!***