Friday, January 29, 2016

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Welcome to the future, where all your Fred rides are virtual, and where you get to experience the thrill of riding with a pro cyclist's avatar:


LONG BEACH, Calif. (BRAIN) — Zwift and the Amgen Tour of California are teaming up on some promotional online group rides involving past and present competitors in the race. 

The first group ride was scheduled for 5 p.m. PST Wednesday led by Laurens Ten Dam from Team Giant­Alpecin.

If you're unfamiliar with Zwift, it's Fred cycling without all that pesky time spent outdoors:


Here at Zwift we believe that the best parts about cycling are the places you go and the people you go there with.

Outdoor cycling is great. But weather, traffic, time constraints and distance from other cyclists can take the fun out of it.

That’s why we’ve created a new destination that places you and your bike into immersive, detailed, 3D landscapes with other cyclists from around the world.

I dunno, I prefer a little cold and traffic to churning away on a hamster wheel.  Then again, I realize I'm the last cyclist on earth who doesn't mind figuring out something else to do when it's too crappy to ride outside.  See when there's two feet of snow and counting and a travel ban in place, that's the universe's way of telling you it's perfectly fine to sit on your ass, drink beer, and watch Netfix.

Nevertheless, it's fascinating to watch all these familiar Fredly customs take on digital form:

This event will also see the debut of the 2016 Amgen Tour of California virtual cycling kit. Zwift will announce the promo code on the day of the ride, which will allow users to unlock this kit for their in-­game avatars. Participating cyclist avatars must wear the kit during the ride.

Wow, even in the virtual world they make you wear a special jersey?

That's avatarded.

(Though presumably Digital You gets to wear a race cut instead of a club cut.)

Speaking of the future, soon there will be a ready-made version of every solution that was once "DIY," including the quick-release lock:



Remember how I said I used to be a bike messenger?  Well in addition to wearing a chain around my waist I also locked my skewers shut with hose clamps, because that's just what you did.  So this would be the latest "street" anti-theft technique to take store-bought form.

In theory this is a decent idea, though the fact that it only works with open cam skewers is a sizable drawback.

Seems to me you're probably better off both upgrading and theft-proofing your skewers simultaneously by getting something like this.

But what do I know about urban cycling, besides everything?

Lastly, via the Twitter, here's some great news for fans of both head protection and salad:


It probably doesn't meet Australian safety regulations, but it does come with this lovely olivewood two-piece salad serving set:



Imagine how impressed your riding buddies will be when you stop by the farmer's market and whip up a salad for everybody in your helmet.

By the way, that is one nonplussed-looking model:


Though you tend to sulk when your hair and beard smell like vinaigrette.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think and click on your answer.  If you're right you are the God of Salad, and if you're wrong you'll see the "Share The Road" song.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and get plenty of roughage.



--Wildcat Rock Machine






1) This is the World's Greatest Madone.

--True
--False




2) This is the World's Greatest Burst of Flatulence.

--True
--False





3) Upper East Side community board member Michele Birnbaum objects to a new bike lane because:

--Cyclists are reckless
--She may have to park her car across the street from her home instead of directly in front of it
--It is a "visual cacophony that if you look there long enough it will induce a dizzying type of vertigo"
--She's concerned that bike lanes will cause her neighborhood to gentrify






4) In pedestrian advocacy parlance, this is known as a:

--"Sneckdown"
--"Blizzard bulbout"
--"Ricotta slice o' smugness"
--Slushy urine-soaked pile of shit






(South Dakota.  Ruined mountains.  Dead white men.)

5) A South Dakota bill would require cyclists to:

--Equip their bicycles with flags no shorter than 5 feet tall
--Refrain from riding when the temperature dips below 0 degrees Fahrenheit
--Stop and dismount for passing cars
--Stop and recite the Pledge of Allegiance whenever passing an American flag







6) What's in here?

--A bike share station
--A portable "pop-up hotel room" complete with bike
--A portable restroom complete with toilet
--It's full of stars





7) Which is not one of the four ways your tire pressure is wrong according to "Bicycling?"

--Your pump's tire pressure gauge is not accurate enough
--You have not weighed yourself to determine your exact front and rear weight distribution
--You're not checking it obsessively enough
--You're using the wrong air mixture for your altitude




***Special Head-On Collision-Themed Bonus Video!***

127 comments:

Anonymous said...

podiating yo.

Ted K. said...

110. Still, one has to use common sense in applying the principles. They are expressed in imprecise language that allows latitude for interpretation, and exceptions to them can be found. So we present these principles not as inviolable laws but as rules of thumb, or guides to thinking, that may provide a partial antidote to naive ideas about the future of society. The principles should be borne constantly in mind, and whenever one reaches a conclusion that conflicts with them one should carefully reexamine one’s thinking and retain the conclusion only if one has good, solid reasons for doing so.

Schisthead said...

Snow is scrantacular.

We're supposed to get ten inches this weekend... giggity.

dop said...

Scranular

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who is reminded of the Mighty Boosh's Strange Tale of the Crack Fox by those bros on fixies in England?

NYCHighwheeler said...

Stay off the trails in Westchester this weekend, it is going to be a slush and mud fest!
Rumor is Beacon and 909 Acres got no snow, so if you get out before the afternoon thaw, everything should be good.

Thanks everyone!

N/A said...

With the icyness around here, I can confirm that the best way to wait it out is sitting on your ass, drinking, and watching Netflix. I'm a big fan of this protocol.

N/A said...

"Welcome to Zwift. We recognize that cycling outdoors is great, so let's stop doing that and play video games instead!"

You remember "Nintendo Thumb" from playing too much video games? Now there's going to be "Zwift Scranus" for the freds.

Bryan said...

Goddamned Salmon (bonus video)
I find it hilariously avartarded that in Zwift, the avatars are wearing helments. Can you cause a massive pile up in Zwift? And if so, can I splatter some digital brains on the pavement? I want my digital kit to be my birthday suit.

Fuck it, I'm gonna drink whiskey and watch Netflix

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Ninth?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Aced the quiz, so I guess I am a god of salad!

Will rain and sweat biodegrade the biodegradable helment?

Can I get some Amgen Virtual EPO for that Zwift Amgen Virtual Tour of California too?

That cock-snucking salmoning douche who caused the head-on deserves a real sneck-down!

Anonymous said...

Snob, you've outdone yourself with the salad bowl helmat, non-plussed model. I chuckled quite loudly, and still chuckle each time I see that image. I hope you'll be adding that picture to the rest of your cycling family peloton. Cheers!

DB said...

I can't wait to get Zwift and ride with the Rock Racing Team.

dop said...

Was that bonus head-on collision in Canada? They were so polite..."Oh sorry, I thought you were turning the other way"...the non-salmon cyclist didn't call the salmon a son of a spondee's scranus

dcee604 said...

That head-on collision, maybe he shouldn't salmon! What a jerk!

N/A said...

I had a styrofoam helmet a long time ago. It looked like one of those crappy cheap beer coolers that you buy at the gas station.


Oh, shit, does that make me a hipster? I had it way before it was cool.

P. Bateman said...

-beard and glasses beard and glasses. god damn hipsters get a new dress code. and no, salad bowl hats should not be part of it.

-hell of a head on collision. i think the other guy definitely WANTED to beat the guys ass, or at least give him a good smack, but good adults realize that is called battery and i believe is a felony.

-its freezing down here in florda's wang today. high of 65. might take snobs advice and netflix and chill.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Why does that Share the Road song video only have 76 views? I went to it twice and the number of views hadn't updated. Who at youtube decides what counts as a view? Enquiring minds want to know!

Anonymous said...

It is dangerous out there. Zwift, Netflix and alcohol keep me safe and happy..

Anonymous said...

Is their virtual doping on Zwift? If yes, I'm buying it.

babble on said...

Heh, actually virtual racing offers all sorts of doping options that an honest to goodness analog Fred hasn't access to. All of the clean freds waste tons of time complaining about it online. The Zwiftverse is alive and well on social media.

Heh heh heh. You said avatarded. I resemble that comment.

bad boy of the north said...

dop,i agree.i'm surprised they didn't call each other "wanker".snecker snecker.

Anonymous said...

WCRM, you should trademark avatarded

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Just tossed helment boy's salad, when he regains consciousness he will forced to hack at my slushy urine-soaked pile of shit with his piolet.

babble on said...

Actually, I kindov resent the whole Zwift thang. It's thinning the ranks of our club rides. Last year we had solid attendance for our Tuesday night and Saturday morning structured training club rides, but this year everyone rides indoors, specially if it's raining even just a little. Which, well hello... this IS a rainforest, after all.

Frickus Rungus said...

I once witnessed a collision that involved a rider passing a tandem on the right, at an intersection in the middle of a down hill. The tandem turned right at the intersection and took out the other rider. Quite a mess... I think someone should advocate for mandatory rear view mirrors, turn signals, air bags and onstar collision notification systems on all bikes. It's the only logical solution.

P. Bateman said...

swear to god an ex, ex,ex girlfriend just called to ask me about my cunnilingus technique. apparently the new dude ain't getting the job done.

i wonder what i could charge for valuable info like this.

crosspalms said...

I plan to wear my Zwift kit when I play air guitar so I can get twice as much use out of it. Rhymes with thrift, after all.

Red Ross said...

Please take Nonplussed Styrofoam Helmut Model home with you and make him part of the bike snob family!

Freddy Murcks said...

I went for a bike ride this morning, on the fat bike that I own, and I was thinking that my fattie may be the best bike purchase I have ever made. That is, instead of riding my trainer in the winter and spending the whole time I am doing it thinking about how suicide would be preferable, I get to ride my bike outside during the winter having fun. Biking outside on snowy, twisty single track is fun, riding indoors is stupid.

Now, to the quiz!

Freddy Murcks said...

By the way, someone needs to tells that dirty, fucking hipster salad bowl helmet guy, and bearded hipsters in general, to shave off that disgusting motherfucking beard. That is one stupid-assed fashion trend that cannot end soon enough.

N/A said...

Sometimes you guys make me want to buy a fattie bike.

I'm waiting until Snob buys his, though, as I value his no-nonsense approach to bikecycle curating.

N/A said...

Hey! I have a beard and glasses. The beard is because I'm "outdoorsy" and it helps. (I wear flannel, too!) The glasses are... well, I'm fucking blind, is what that is.

Dave Bowman said...

"It's full of stars"

Damn Straight.

Hee Haw the Barista's marginally less awkward little sister said...

So let me get this straight.

Video dude rides with a Gopro so he can upload videos of himself colliding with other cyclists?

Now that's avatarded!

McFly said...

The Zwift movement has taken over foul weather sieged West TN. Meanwhile I'm over here on Netflix..........................and chill.

Freddy Murcks said...

Sorry, N/A. I have a visceral reaction to the big hipster beards. It's a sanitation/germaphobia issue for me. Beards kinda give me the heebie jeebies. It also seems like it would be hot, itchy and altogether unpleasant.

Helton Moraes said...

(re bonus video): it's not just a wonder crashing freds don't die, they also don't kill each other in road rage, and even exchange their facebook contacts. Very cute :D

JLRB said...

Yea, netflix and chill = riding the storm out = the reason why so many babies get born 9 months after big storms

I thought Zwift was that mop thing with the disposable dust cloths

Anonymous said...

agreed, riding indoors is stupid and boring. It's like having sex with a blow up doll. Why ever do either if you have a choice?

N/A said...

S'alright Mr. Murcks, my beard is definitely not "hipster". It's winter utility. I am far too old/unhip to be a hipster. My wife hates the beard, too, so it only exists for about 1/4 of the year.

dop said...

Hipster beards? Sheeee-it. I remember old Doc Hughes the plastic surgeon & the old silent film star who wanted yet another facelift. He held a mirror to her face & said, "See that dimple in your chin? That's your belly button. One more face lift & you'll be sporting a Van Dyke"

Grump said...

Snobby, since I'm a fan of churning away on a hamster wheel, it may seem strange that I have to agree with you about zwift. Riding and "racing" against virtual people around the world reminds me that I'd rather be dead than do that.

Anonymous said...

Don't bother, the new dude will just fuck it up.

Mike Hunt said...

zwift virtual ride, structured training club ride? WTFs. Makes me glad to be a lone wolf. I go out and knock out a few miles at my pace at a reasonable hour of the day (vs 6AM), enjoy the scenery, stop when I want to stop. I don't have to constantly do fucking call outs and goofy hand signals, don't have to ride two feet behind someone's ass for 4 hours and don't have to ride in a pace line. Best of all I don't have to ride with a bunch of annoying type A dorks who take what should a fun activity and squeeze every last bit of enjoyment out of it. To what end? To be slightly better than mediocre? Self awareness, get some.

Anonymous said...

Dude wasn't salmoning in the head-on collision --it's a two-way bike lane with no markings or yield signs. The "salmon" posted it and thinks it was his fault, but seems more like an infrastructure problem

Anonymous said...

the original youtube comments explain it

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

You went full avatard,
never go full avatard.


I read an article on a facebook linky thing (those are ALWAYS true, ALWAYS) that munchin on vaJayJay is anti-carcinogenic
(for the gentleman, and I'm sure a plus for the lady, although it could be good for another lady, ... not that there's anything wrong with that).

I'm due for a treatment dammit!!!

vsk

McFly said...

Freddy, What fatty did you decide upon?

Comment deleted said...

Glad to hear that, Victor. But it contradicts what Dr. Michael Douglas claimed (i.e. that he got throat cancer from Venus-butterflying Ms. Zeta-Jones' undoubtedly beautiful tuna doughnut one too many times).

bad boy of the north said...

it's the man buns that kill me.even robert redford was sporting one.don't mind the ponytail,but the samurai look doesn't look good if your not a samurai,unless you're the late john belushi...."samurai night deli".maybe someone who know how to link can put a segment up.

Anonymous said...

Can't quite figure out that intersection where the head-on took place - can't see how anyone could follow the road signage. Would glasses help?

bad boy of the north said...

meant..."someone that knows how to...".

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Samurai Futaba

leroy said...

My dog informs me that nine out of ten mental health professionals recommend Zwift for their patients suffering from agoraphobia.

The 10th recommends Zoloft.

But I don't believe everything my dog says. That would be crazy.

(Based on today's quiz results, my dog proclaimed himself the Lord of Lettuce, King of Kale, Ayatollah of Arugula, and God of the Green Goddess Garden Gastronomic Garnishment. And of course that's nuts. He sold me his titles and official colander crown months ago.)

Inside or out, ride safe all!

bad boy of the north said...

a really big thanks,rcb........still effen funny after all these years.now if I can only learn how to.....

bad boy of the north said...

thanks,leroy.......and tell your dog,congrats.

blunchbelly said...

You know what else is avatared? The movies "Avatar",Titanic,Rocky and Return of the Jedi". An avatarded third grader has the plot development figured out in the first five minutes. We only have so much time on earth so choose your netflixs and alcohol wisely.

1904 Cadardi said...

"Though you tend to sulk when your hair and beard smell like vinaigrette." Probably because you're also hungry.

Where can I find an altitude specific air mixture app? I've just been using ambient air which is no doubt wrong and I feel a profound need to correctly inflate my tires with the proper mix of gases.

Freddy Murcks said...

McFly @2:24 - I have a Salsa Beargrease. It has 4in tires and seeing all my friends with their 5in tire bikes does give me tire envy. Nonetheless, I love it and I find it to be a very fun bike to ride.

Possibly interesting side note: I attached a sleigh bell to my bike for today's ride. I don't really like the bells that you have to flick because I think it's akin to honking at people and i think honking is rude. The sleigh bell serves as an effective early warning system for other trail users (including wildlife) and, much to my surprise, it didn't drive me crazy.

Another possibly interesting side note: I saw a relatively freshly killed deer on the trail this morning. I think it was killed by a cougar, so I was definitely thinking of my bell and alerting any wild cats in the area of my presence so that they could stay the hell away from me.

Anonymous said...

Last time I was in snow country I borrowed my mom's 80s mountain bike (26x2.1 tires). With enough oil on the cables, that old Huffy still shifts and rides. It was a delight. $$$ spent on equipment might have helped a little, but 90% of the experience could not be improved upon by choice of bicycle technology. (Bicycle fit could have been better...) Better than most alternatives for a < 1 mile trip on neighborhood streets, as long as you dress for the cold. Riding indoors is not an alternative for actual bike transportation.

WryGuy said...

That head on in London is just way to civilized for me. Caused by poor infrastructure (at least they have infra) but full responsibility is claimed anyway, and both cyclists are polite and respectful. An online apology and admission of fault is also extended. And look, they both wear helmets even though they are not legally compelled. The English truly are the greatest culture on earth. Too bad we can't be like that in their colonies.

JuanOffhue said...

@Freddy Murcks —

You know how to identify grizzly poop, right?

ChamoisJuice said...

Yes, yes, of course testosterone deficient, leg shaving, leotard wearing roadies have issue with beards. Beards are to male shaved legs, as motorcycles are to plastic pedal bikes.
Beard is genetic advertisement of masculinity.

Moving on to long hair on men. Rocking a pony tail= repels women like socks and sandals. For a minute there, the man bun was like cat nip for the type of girl that reps Tom's, goes to yoga. However, peak man bun is over....all these little tossers that do the stupid undercut and top knot ruined it :/ The new shit is the man braid.

I totally forgot to mention one of the things about bikesnob's setups that is just wrong, wrong, wrong. On both the twee singlespeed giner AND the IOJB beater singlespeed townie, he is rocking embarrassing, rookie status beer opener headset spacer doodads.

The beauty of the bicycle is it's simplicity, especially so on a singlespeed bike. No superfluous, redundant crap.

If you can not open a beer with your bike, beer drinking CLEARLY is not very important to you. Any drinker with some degree of pride can figure how to pop a top with the pedals or spokes.




.

Freddy Murcks said...

JaunOffhue - I don't think that there are grizzlies in the Salt Lake valley. But there are definitely cougars. There are lots coyotes too, but I don't think that they can take down a full sized deer. I see lots of dead, bloody rabbit bits left by the coyotes, however.

Regular guy said...

Zwift, huh. Next there will be a Zwift missed connections app "You, bearded dude wearing a coconut, me Tarzan. Lets "ride", then, me do as I wish to you, after, we make salad".

Roille Figners said...

Sorry I'm late... to quote the greatest culture on earth, "apols for delays but will be brilliant when done"

bad boy of the north said...

oh,scheisse!forgot all about the braids.heard aboutit the other day.well,at least we don'thave prince valiant......yet.i guess emo philips might count.

bad boy of the north said...

about it,bbotn,about it.

dop said...

Thank you Mr. Hue.

Roille Figners said...

"Beard is genetic advertisement of masculinity"

...and like most ads, should be viewed with skepticism.

Those of us who are the one-percenters of masculinity can afford to counter-signal and enjoy itch-free necks.


(*) A utility beard is any beard kept 1) for warmth, e.g. Mr. N/A, 2) for a disguise, e.g. fugitives, 3) because shaving is a pain in the ass, or 4) because your government or imam would order you beheaded otherwise, e.g. Moslems.

Comment deleted said...

"Holy schnitzel, Batman! We're going to starve to death!"

"Not...if...I..can...reach these cheese crumbs in my utility beard."

Roille Figners said...

Or do I mean to spell it "Muslims" now? Chinamen? And speaking of China, is it Peking or Beijing? Is it Myanmar or Burma? Is it the DRC or Zaire?

Please don't turn me into the authorities. (Unless you all want to work a lot harder.)

Roille Figners said...

5) for food storage. Good one! And full-circle back to the vinaigrette. If they forget the dressing, just wring some out on your salad.

babble on said...

Master Bateman - I have often wondered the same thing.

Heh. Testosterone deficient indeed. I may just be the ultimate Frederika. The doctor who looks after this mutarded mess of a body says my HGH levels are way too low, and he has offered to prescribe some. Wonder what the race organisers here in town would think of that? What do they call it? A medical exemption? Heh heh heh. Seems like cheating to me, but if it helps... Hmm. Several of you guys have the Medical initials after your name. What do you think? Should I take it?

Mr MiKeHunt - haters gonna hate. Judge away, and enjoy it, because don't you feel so much better about yourself now?! Good. Now you can get on your bicycle all by your lonesome and when you're finished go home all by your lonesome and shake hands with mr happy, all alone, too. A deservedly lonely happy ending. I'm just going to keep riding with the best, fastest guys I know, trying to become a better athlete than I was.

Oh, and AYHLMPC. Go on. Just lick my pink canoe, hater honey.

ChamoisJuice said...

Jobst Brandt is to wheel building info, as Nina Hartley is to cunnilingus edification. google "how to eat pussy like a champ" TMYK

Dooth said...

googling "how to eat pussy like a chimp" is more edifying

Zwift has an avartarded version where the racers are on tiny bikes.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

GODDAMN IT SMOBBY, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORKED TODAY!!!! I ACED YOUR FUCKIN QUIZ AS WELL! COULDNT YOU POST A VIDEO THAT DOESN'T SNOT UP MY PIECE OF SHIT TABLET? ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE DOWNTIME AMD A COUPLE OF LAUGHS FROM YOU FUCKOS, BUT I HAVE TO DICK AROUND WITH THIS GODDAMN TABLET FOR 20 MINUTES TO SEE A 30 SEC VIDEO. CAN'T YOU SHOW SOME CONSIDERATION, FER CHRISSAKE!!!

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Wow, that was some crash.

As usual CJ is the opposite of right said...

Well yesterday CJ said: "My expectations for bicycle correctness are inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the bike, and how long it has been owned.
purchased used, too small frame, with boner stem is somewhat understandable. Custom ordering bespoke frame with custom dainty geo? fucktarded."

But what he should say is that: "My expectations for bicycle correctness are DIRECTLY proportional to the amount of money spent on the bike...etc" because the MORE one spent on a bike, the MORE bicycle correctness, etc"

Likewise he makes many statements today that are the opposite of correct; just for one example i will point out that many top bike racers have beards.

Also his analogies are ludicrous. And "If you can not open a beer with your bike, beer drinking CLEARLY is not very important to you." is clearly ridiculous; the vast majority of beers are not opened with bike parts.

I suggest some remedial study for CJ, not too hard, just rent Caddyshack and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and try to at least elevate your stoner game to the level of Carl Spackler and Spicoli.

Anonymous said...

Wow. It's January regents exams on bikesnobnyc. But I was hoping for some carcake porn. You know the kind; young white snow on sexy 10 year old Lexus sedan.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

"Beard is genetic advertisement of masculinity

I just mentioned this to my Italian grandmother and she smaked me with wooden spoon.

bad boy of the north said...

i wear a beard.......but it doesn't grow long.......wild,yes..long.no.oh,my eyesight...not so hot.i always joke that I can see craters on the moon with my glasses.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

On, that wasn't Grandma, that was my wife!

bad boy of the north said...

enjoy the weekend.ride safe.

Anonymous said...

meh, that crash was entirely unmemorable. Here is a Russian Pathetic Old Cyclist defying the laws of physics.
Пожилой велосипедист

Regular guy said...

Anon@6:42

That looks like Phil Ligget, carrying his satchel of indomitability. He stays on the bike all the way to the ground!

ChamoisJuice said...

As usual CJ is the opposite of right,

Yes are correct, I did mean DIRECTLY proportional, not inversely. My errar.

The rest of the shit, you are out to lunch.
-Brandt, leading authority on wheelbuilding. Hartley, leading authority on oral. Or do you find her techniques not retro grouch enough, to be a fair comparison to Jobst? You think she is more of a Rolf Dietrich type of pussy eating expert?

2, I am fairly confident I can open a been with ANY FUCKING bicycle. Might have issues with a crabon tarck bike with full disc wheels... if you took the pedals off.

Point being, bottle openers are for rookie beer drinkers. Noob drinkers think it's awesome to have a bottle opener keychain. Real drinkers know those are for wusses, and can open a beer with their keys. Same shit with a bike.... bottle opener is superfluous, cuz a crati In my mind, there is only ONE kind of cool bottle opener: the wall mounted kind, directly by the fridge over the garbage can. The dashboard is another appropriate mounting location. Though undoing your seatbelt, and using the buckle is always good for impressing passengers.

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

The bottle openers are called WiseCrackers. Mike Ahrens makes them and gave me some when I passed through California on my first book tour. I got a kick out of them. (One is engraved with BSNYC/AYHSMB.) They're mementos of a fun trip.

Useless comment from you as usual, and I think most of us are familiar with the concept of using other objects to pry caps off bottles when actual openers are unavailable, but if I need any tips on making videos of myself mountain biking with my dog or sending dick pics I'll be sure to let you know.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: Rookie my ass, I was drinking Rolling Rocks at CBGB when you were in middle school in Rockland County.

Roille Figners said...

Uh-oh... a FIGHT!

Man, would you look at the time! (slowly moves sideways toward the door)

McFly said...

Freddy don't rule out a cougar until you have tried one. Hard to ring a bell with your hands tied to the headboard.

McFly said...

If you send a dick pic you will not need a tip....it will be complimentary.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

CJ, in a forum of deliberately asinine half assed comments, yours are unique in that you actually take yourself seriously.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I am compelled to use beard oil lest I suffer from the dreaded beard dandruff, which is by far the worst kind of dandfuff, save and except for muff dandruff.

Captain Obvious said...

To further Snob's point about bottle openers, now that I am an adult, I don't have to waste my time with stupid, juvenile stunts of trying to impress my friends with creative ways to open beer bottles. And since I am not trying to conceal from my mother the fact that I drink, I can carry a bottle opener on my key chain. It's nice and convenient. And I have a variety of bottle openers at home. Again, nice and convenient.

CJ - stop trying to impress us and your "friends" with your juvenile antics. Nobody cares and nobody is impressed. And I'd bet that most people that you encounter think that you're an insufferable asshole regardless.

JLRB said...

Not being from New York I was amused to learn from the Netflix the origins of the cbgb name

CJ - if you really want to impress open a bottle of wine using a bike cycle

Col. Kilgore said...

"Though you tend to sulk when your hair and beard smell like vinaigrette." I love the smell of napalm in the morning...smelled like victory.

From the Glass Lined Tanks said...

Snob - Rolling Rocks - 12oz or Pony's?

Anonymous said...

Babble - I think you're being a tad to hard on Mike, except for the anti-social part. I've done lots of group rides and lots of solo rides. Both have lots going for them.

82medici said...

#100 !!

June Cleaver said...

Ward, don't be so hard on the Beaver!

bad boy of the north said...

Speaking of rolling rock....thanks snobbie.having a couple in midtown nyc right now....at one of last and best hidden bars in manhattan of its'kind left.

Penis said...

I'm a beaver cleaver.

useless comment said...

http://cyclingmagazine.ca/sections/news/belgian-rider-caught-with-a-motorized-cross-bike-at-heusden-zolder-worlds/

Two persons were killed when the bike which they were riding hit by a speeding truck at Kotnur village of Hindupur mandal on Saturday afternoon. The deceased have been identified as Hanumantarayudu (19) and Tippanna (38), both natives of Gollapalli village of Parigi mandal. They were going to Hindupur town from Anantapur. Hindupur police said prima facie evidences suggested that the truck driver, in his bid to overtake the bike, lost control on the wheels and hit the bike.

spellegrino said...

BIKE DOPE
Motors in da bike. Drugs in the riders. Fuck the sport. Commute and enjoy the bike.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. CJ --

My dog asked me remind you of Stanley Kowalski's observation concerning malt beverage decanting that appears in Mr. Williams' "A Streetcar Named Desire":

"I used to have a cousin who could open a beer-bottle with his teeth. That was his only accomplishment, all he could do – he was just a human bottle-opener. And then one time, at a wedding party, he broke his front teeth off! After that he was so ashamed of himself he used t’sneak out of the house when company came..."

You really must develop additional talents.


babble on said...

Oh bless your heart, anonyderp. The truth is I spend more time riding lone wolf than most people you know, having spun out a solid thirty or forty km by seven thirty am many mornings a week. I so get it. I took umbridge with the hating, not with riding solo. I was dissin the pissin. Mr MiKehunt can't tell the difference between a cunt, which is a sweet and beautiful thing, and an asshole which is just full of shit. Nasty shit in this instance.

dop said...

OK...A lot to get off my chest

1) CJ, it's a repurposed frame. To paraphrase Dr. Johnson*, one isn't surprised that it's not done perfectly, we're amazed it's done at all

2) Riding solo v Groups. I work irregular hours**, so I ride alone. My only group ride was the Fondon't & I was dropped on Stillman Hill (running up to the Stone Barns) by everyone but the guy on the 50 pound three speed. My Strava indicated that it wqas my fastest interval on that hill & it was a wake up call for me.

3) Ms Babble. I believe that if someone pressed their ear to your cleavage, they could hear the Ocean***

* Not a double entendre
** and I'm anti social
***If you were both standing on Wreck Beach.

אופניים חשמליות said...

wowwww ...

Roille Figners said...

And what brand of beer was that again, Stan?

"STELLAAA!!!"

Thank you, I'm here all week, then at Caesar's on the 6th and hey don't forget to tip your bartenders & waitresses.

Helment Shirker said...

Oy! You down-under wankers that are making up dumb helment laws in yer gawd-forsaken penal colony...put down yer bee-ah and have a butcher's at this: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/jan/24/bike-helmet-appetite-danger

Roille Figners said...

I saw it! It started with "A bottle opener is to beer..."

Anonymous said...

It's a fact: a hater is anyone who disagrees with babble, except, Snobby, because she loves him. He knows she does.
Come on babble, bring the vitriol, the bile you're so adept at spewing.
Personally, I love you. You know I do.
So looking forward to you're wonderfully vicious response.

babble on said...

Er... it's your, not you're. In this instance YOU'RE (because that's you are, contracted) supposed to say "So looking forward to your vonderfully vicious response." Silly. :)

Anonymous said...

This post's comments section sounds like a republican debate.

knlich said...

unclench, babble.

Long Distance Relationships said...

Wreck Beach to New York City, 2,433 miles, as a crow flies. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Jacques Tutite said...

Oh! You open zee beer boutelle fancy fancy...but can you open a bottle of wine with a shoe?

Anonymous said...

Can't wait for CJ to start critiquing that Dutch girl's mechanical setup. It should be a hoot.

Real Lumberjack said...

Ha look at the noob using a chainsaw - a real lumberjack gnaw gnaw gnaws the tree down

Manly Surgeon said...

Scalpels are for noobs! Real surgeons use car keys to make incisions

Manlier Surgeon said...

Car keys are for effete quiche eatin', latte & white wine drinkin' eastern snobs. Real surgeons need nothing more than than the lid of a tin can.

Beer opener, phd said...

I took 8 years of vigorous schooling, with high attrition rate, $250K debt, 4 years residency, to develop my finely honed beer opening skills.

It takes me 4-6 hours to open a beer with a skilled team of assistants.

Anonymous said...

R.I.P. Kelly McGarry

"less typing, more biking!"

BikeSnobNYC said...

Manlier Surgeon,

What, nobody's just tearing patients open with their teeth anymore???

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Dead Last!

I am not a robot

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