Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Get Ready To Wednesday!

Happy Wednesday!

It's a Le Mans start today, so let's get to it:



Well, you'll be pleased, saddened, or indifferent to learn that Fredly haberdasher Rapha will no longer clothe totally drug-free Tour de France champions Team Sky after 2016:
But fear not!  Sky will not have to ride naked, for Bike Snob NYC Industries LLC LTD INC ETC have signed on as their official clothing sponsor beginning in the 2017 season!

Here's a sneak preview of the new look:



That's gonna look so good on the podium--much better than those Rapha rags:


Speaking of Chris Froome, he wants you to know he didn't even use a TUE at the Tour last year even though he TOTALLY coulda:


After the furore that surrounded him at this year's Tour de France, Chris Froome says that he refused to apply for a TUE for an infection he picked up in the latter part of the race. Froome and his teammates endured an often hostile reaction from some members of the public during this year's Tour. Several of them were spat at, while Froome also claimed that one fan even threw urine at him.

Threw urine at him?

Hmmm.

And there's your infection.

Yeah, yeah, I can hear the urine apologists now:

"Urine doesn't make you sick.  In fact it's so healthy you can drink it!  Watch this!"

[Drinks deeply from a Thermos full of urine, wipes mouth with back of sleeve.]

"Ahhh.  Now that's what I call refreshment."

Well, to verify this claim I visited the CVS website, because I only trust giant pharmacy chains.  According to them, here are the possible pros of drinking urine:


(When life gives you lemons, drink chilled pee.)

Although no medical evidence supports urine as an effective treatment for any of these (or other) illnesses, scientific studies have shown that some components of urine have medicinal properties. Most notably, urea (which, next to water, is the primary component of urine) possesses antibacterial, antifungal, and antiviral characteristics. And, it should be noted that research is underway to investigate the potential of other urinary substances to treat infertility and specific forms of cancer.

While urine’s purported healing properties have yet to be confirmed by rigorous research, drinking small amounts of your own urine is unlikely to produce serious harm if, for some reason, you are so inclined.

And here are the cons:

Although sipping the occasional urine sample may not be immediately harmful, it should not be forgotten that urine can contain harmful substances in those who have taken drugs—legal or otherwise—or have been exposed to chemical residues in the environment.

Also, if a person were to drink his own urine as a substitute for fresh drinking water, the proportion of water content would rapidly decrease as the proportion of harmful waste products increased.

Wow.  Seems to me that pro cyclists should really take up pee-drinking, since inadvertently imbibing someone else's tainted urine is a great ready-made doping excuse.

Anyway, I'm glad to know that next time I'm too lazy to get up off the couch I can safely wash down those Cheetos with my own pee.

In other news, here's the eleventy-billionth "connected" cycling accessory, and it's basically a light that rats on people:


See Sense Features Video from See.Sense. on Vimeo.

For example, it tells you when someone's stealing your bike:

"Imagine you're at your favorite coffee stop..."


"...and your trusty bike is outside:"


And locked with dental floss apparently.

So there's Fred, enjoying his coffee:


When he answers his phone, only to learn that someone's stealing his Fred Sled:


Naturally Fred takes off in hot pursuit:


At which point the thief saunters into the café and steals the wallet Fred has left on the table.

See, technology isn't eliminating theft so much as it's simply rearranging it--or, as they say in the tech sector, "disrupting" it.

Next we cut to a hard-cornering Mountain Fred (or "Barney" if you prefer):


Who, unbelievably, is swiftly undone by a crate of bananas:


Thankfully a strategically placed pile of empty cardboard boxes breaks his fall:


Though just when you think he's going to emerge unscathed, his handlebars hit him in the head,  so Good Thing He Was Wearing A Helme(n)t:


Then, as the narrator explains:

"If you have a crash, Icon notes your location, and sends an alert for help."


I'm assuming the system sends both a message and a humorous "selfie" of the victim during the priceless moments immediately after the crash to a designated safety contact, who can then reply appropriately:


I feel safer already.

Lastly, here's a video that exposes the Automotive Industrial Complex conspiracy in a humorous fasion:



Think about that in 20 years when you're riding around with your legally mandated Smart Helme(n)t and Connected Suppository.

95 comments:

ChamoisJuice said...

Ted K knows wat he's talking about

Cansnobster said...

You're alive!!! I’ m sorry you were delayed by the Bluetooth-enabled fatbakfiet valet service at our Prime Minister’s swearing in ceremony. The old PM put the batteries in backwards.

Vernal Magina said...

hells yeah

N/A said...

Oh man, I'm so ready to Wednesday all over the place!

Winky said...

Podz?

Hee Haw the Barista's mom said...

PBR'S PISS

dcee604 said...

Woohoo, top 10!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

weeeeeeeednesday!

ken e. said...

oh o sphagetti o

N/A said...

I'm in Ohio, and it was decided with yesterday's election that we're not legally allowed to "Wednesday". Not even medicinally.

Freddy Murcks said...

Damn, that was worth the wait. I hope you enjoyed your morning bike ride in the lovely fall weather, Snob. (At least I assume that is the reason for the tardiness of today's post. Either that or you were gleefully drinking your pee. Whatever, man. I'm cool with whatever it is you need to do to distract yourself from the drudgery of being a semi-pro bike blogger and the father of eighteen (18) human children.)

N/A said...

What if WCRM sneaks off in his Hyundai (THAT THE BANK OWNS, ETC.), parks in a quiet location and enjoys a refreshing bidon full of artisanal urine at the end of a hard day of semi-pro blogging?

Bob Patterson said...

Instead of tech solutions, how about a minimum $10,000 fine for anyone convicted of bike theft?

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

My urine is mostly crystalized

janinedm said...

Good post, but I had a thought and now I'm dying. This morning WCRM made himself a cup of tea or whatever (wasn't he having digestive shenanigans?) sat down in front of a computer and had to google some combination of words including "drink" and "urine." For his work. For a Team Sky joke. He had to read some, if not all, of an article about pee drinking to find some good quote. I don't usually type this, because I don't usually mean this, but LOL. I'm lolling.

BamaPhred said...

Suppository of Connectedness. That's exactly what my smarting phone is. And urine, serve it chilled, room temp, or fresh from the tap? Uuuggghhh.

Comment deleted said...

Look, let's nip these rumors of WCRM's pee drinking right in the bud. Last I heard, he had that problem relatively under control.

Anonymous said...

Toppus XX

Bacteriologist said...

Unless you have a urinary tract infection, your urine is totally sterile when it comes out of your pee hole. Your skin, however, is filthy and urine is an excellent growth medium for bacteria, so it doesn't stay sterile for very long.

P. Bateman said...

dang it. late again.

i swore allegiance to my hairs that i wasn't going to do that.

Joseph Morley said...

Finally, a piece of Sky kit I want to buy.

trama said...

WCRM,
There are no trusty Fred Sleds. They explode into domoic acid or something I think.

Crabon season is in peril out hereaparts, some kind of brain-rotting acid is in them crabons:

"The California Department of Public Health is warning that potentially deadly levels of domoic acid have been found in Dungeness crab and rock crab caught along the coastline between Oregon and the southern border of Santa Barbara County. As a result, the state Office of Environmental Health Hazard Assessment is recommending the Dungeness season be delayed and the rock crab fishery be closed."

-By Nanette Asimov and Paolo Lucchesi, SFGATE, the worst paper of its kind

Anonymous said...

the tru-tv bit would be hilarious if it weren't true. Although pedestrians do have sidewalks, even though the often prefer the street or bike lane. Bikers have occasional bikelanes, but they are usually blocked by delivery trucks, cop cars, double parked assholes or pedestrians and/or joggers whose speed cannot simply not be contained on a sidewalk. My answer is fewer cars in cities. The way you do that is to beef up the infrastructure of other modes of transportation at the expense of automobile infrastructure. You also tax cars more through congestion pricing etc, so it becomes inconvenient and expensive to use a personal car or take a cab or uber or whatever in a place where there are plenty of cheaper alternatives, like NYC. Finally, you enforce the fuck out of traffic laws to severely punish reckless and dangerous drivers (like the current do with cyclists). And I'm not talking about vision zero, which is pretty much a joke up to this point, but a real concerted effort by city governments to make their streets safer. We are making some slow progress in NYC with more bike lanes, eliminating most traffic from central park (fucking finally) and some of the minor vision zero safety improvements and increased policing, but still a really, really long way to go. sure people will hate it at first, most like some asshole who prefers to drive the 20 miles into the city from their suburb rather than take public transportation, but they will just have to adapt for the betterment of the city and the people who actually live there and pay all of the fucking taxes.



clyde said...

I am confused? Its a Wednesday like a reverse hot Carl?

dop said...

It doesn't bother me that the bride had a wedding ceremony one year after her fiancé died, but the bris on the dead baby was a bit much.

Patches O'Houlihan said...

It is not necessary for pro cyclists to drink their own urine.

OTOH, it's sterile & you'll like the taste

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

In the pack...


vsk

dnk said...

Tru-tv thing was inspired.

Fredtucky said...

Stupid Kentucky

Alien among us said...

Another day on planet Earth…

Roille Figners said...

Nothing to say, I've got nothing to say
Nothing but the one thing... HUUUHHHH

bad boy of the north said...

nice jersey design.it's a wee bit too small for me.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

Freddy Murcks said...

Watched the Le Mans start video. I was really expecting to see a total fred pileup and a lot of faceplants. British freds must be more coordinated than US freds. #Disappointed.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

99 bottles of pee on the wall
99 bottles of pee
Take one down pass it around

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etc etc.

Oh yeah while we're on the subject here's a nice Mike Watt song.

McFly said...

Damn that ol timey video makes a lot of sense. Plus Ethel is kinda hot.

I think I remember pumping her a few times back in the days of yore.

Beavis and Butthead said...

Hunhunhunhugh. We thought you said, "My Twat Song"

CommieCanuck said...

Guzzles a big jug of pee...
Wait...wait...
Meh, still better than Budweiser.

Hank Hill said...

Mike Hunt? Mike Hunt here? Anyone seen Mike Hunt?

wats7 said...

Urea. That thing they use in diesel trucks to lower the CO2 exhaust emissions, so therefore must be healthy and safe for you.

Anonymous said...

Urea-lly think so?

A dead horse getting a can of whoopass said...

You can't spell urethra without urea.

crosspalms said...

Thanks for the TruTV video, that was on the money.

Here's an interesting piece about who commutes by bike.

Roille Figners said...

I notice CVS doesn't mention one particular concern with piss-drinking, a matter of no small import either mind you, which is the uncontrollable retching and puking that's sure to follow. You might have to find some way to fool your body into accepting its own waste product as an input.

Roille Figners said...

crosspalms - "BREAKING: Stereotype Found to be Inaccurate After Real-World Observation!"

P. Bateman said...

funny, i went and drove this piss yellow old mercedes yesterday and love it precisely because it is piss yellow. i mean, the sort of dark piss that indicates you really need some water, but piss yellow for sure. i know this is not a car related site, but being that piss is the hot topic i figured i didnt want to miss out on all the piss talk.

https://charlotte.craigslist.org/cto/5281224786.html

i wonder if you start searching like pee fetish stuff in a few weeks if you'll get an odd mix of porn and bsnyc comments for results.

wonderful car by the way. very may damn well buy it.

DB said...

Snob, I think Walz corporation should definitely make those jerseys for sale to the readers of your fine blog.
I would wear it proudly.

Anonymous said...

Pee?

Where's the turtle?

Grump said...

If Froome every gets urine thrown on him again, I suggest that he responds to the offender with a snappy comeback like...."Urine idiot".

Spokey said...

i was listening to streaming audio while out today. prior to hearing an adopt a cat commercial that had me retching, i heard some psa for child seats. went something like " you put sun screen on your kid, you do this, that etc to keep him safe. but do you use the correct child seat. face forward, backward, too big, too small blah blah blah." it goes on the suggest what a bad parent you are unless you have the precise seat for your kid. will your child survive in a crash? i'm guessing another bunch of bullshit sponsored by the big child seat industrial complex much like today's video.

but the fuck-o(e)s never suggest that you maybe should not get in a crash in the first place. like maybe you can stop driving like a fuck-o head to keep your kid out of a crash to begin with. was wondering if amalgamated ambulance drivers co-sponsored the psa.

Comment deleted said...

Also works with "Urine asshole!"

eric cartman said...

Fish sticks? Do you like fish sticks? Do you like to put fish sticks in your mouth?

Captain Obvious said...

CJ is a piss guzzling jay.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Mike Hunt? I just saw him a minute ago. He was talking to my neighbor, Mike Litoris.

dop said...

Is it just me, or does this guy remind anyone of this guy?

CommieCanuck said...

You guys know Michael Hunt? I love Mike Hunt. Great guy.

CommieCanuck said...

"That thing they use in diesel trucks to lower the CO2 exhaust emissions"...no no no. I read VW had this awesome scientifical technology that lowers Diesel emissions without urea, but for some reason, VW executives are now pissing themselves.

START URINE JOKE

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

END URINE JOKE.

Anonymous said...

People who are into that sort of thing seem to prefer it fresh off the tap... O_o

Day At The Races said...

Gentlemen, start urinegines!

Continental Karl said...

Urine should only be thrown at 'you're apeein' riders and not 'mericans.

Anonymous said...

"This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee."

Back, way back, navy uniform pants had buttons instead of zippers, to bad they still don't, it would have been a perfect setup for that.

jack nicholson said...

If I were a marine, I'd just have to take off my hat

Punchline, no intro said...

First you're Russian, then European, and finally you're Finnish

crosspalms said...

Roille,
Yeah, pretty much. Here's to real-world observation!

Jeb said...

Sheeit! When I'm a sittin' on my front porch an a drinkin' an' I gotta go pee, why I just go an piss in a old Mountain Dew bottle, screw th' lid down tight as my cousin's pussy, an' throw it on the trash heap in the front yard!

leroy said...

Well I'll be darned.

My dog really was doing research for CVS.

At least, that really is a CVS in the photo.

I may owe him an apology.

Anonymous said...

If you liking the fixing skidding:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hejvqOKyEqg

P. Bateman said...

no, we're talking about going number one, skidding is number twos.

get urine head in the game Anon.

P. Bateman said...

your such a SCATerbrain Anon

Anonymous said...

You're like Urine An-drop-off!

Roille Figners said...

Oh urine trouble mister!

Dooth said...

I was expecting Bacteriologist to pooh-pooh pee, but I was wrong.

Piss Boy said...

Mel Brooks' take on today's topic.

Anonymous said...

Urine trouble, mister.

Dooth said...

Eww...urine deep shit.

dop said...

The whole year inn

The hole urine

Doc Sarvis said...

Look around. It's disenfranchised broke down white guys putting in the miles.

Anonymous said...

"That thing they use in diesel trucks to lower the CO2 exhaust emissions"

The thing in diesel that keeps CO2 relatively low is diesel. Urea controls nitric oxides, not to be confused with nitrous oxide, which goes great with pee.

Thad White said...

Snob, I remember you liked the Eroica ride in Italy. I just learned there's one in California now, in April. Are you going?

Frank Zappa said...

I can take about an hour on the tower of power, as long as I get a little golden shower!

Swollen Prostate said...

Urine trouble

Anonymous said...

i'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.

N/A said...

I just wanted to stop by and say that you guys really Wednesdayed the shit out of this place. Well done, kudos, etc.

Bryan said...

You're such a Jay. I missed yesterdays post as I was taking a road trip to pick up a Raleigh Sports, maybe that makes me the Jay. That light thingy lost me at Bluetooth, then again at "Firmware Update" - that's never a good thing. A real Barney coulda bunny hopped that banana crate. What a wuss.

dop said...

You're so Jay...fucko...I can't think of anything to go with Seth Rogan's 40 yo virgin put downs...

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