Wednesday, October 28, 2015

"On your left!," shouts Wednesday as it proceeds to pass you on your right and then chop your wheel as you move over.

I don't know how it is where you live, but here in Canada's Undercarriage there is no more profound expression of surrender than riding a bicycle:

Schumer, a New York Democrat, said Tuesday that if the Kansas City Royals beat the New York Mets in the Series, he has promised McCaskill he will tweet a photo of himself wearing a Royals T-shirt while riding a bicycle through New York City. He also will donate $100 to a Major League Baseball Urban Youth Academy in Kansas City.

Oh, the shame!

Of course, Senator Chuck Schumer is an avowed bicyclist:

Though ironically, Schumer's own wife, Iris Weinshall, helped organize a group called "Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes" dedicated to fighting the very bike lane in which he's riding in the above photo.

Bet that photo got him in some hot water.

But, you know, at least he's wäring a helmüt.

(And no, I still don't care about baseball, regardless of who's playing.  I can't even make myself watch the Tour de France anymore, let alone a bunch of bros wearing belts and sculpted beards.)

Speaking of New York City and what passes for infrastructure, a video has been making the rounds in which a couple of architects talk about all the stuff they would do to make the city better:

As bicycle-themed Kickstarter campaigns have taught us, if you want to screw something up you call an architect, so naturally I was skeptical.  However, they do make one good point, which is that we should get rid of private cars:

And use all the space to make greenways and stuff:

"All of a sudden you can imagine these incredible greenways with bikes and parks..."

Sounds nice.

Why not some money trees while we're at it?

Granted, eliminating private cars from the entire city isn't ever going to happen (nor, arguably, should it) though certainly a good portion of the island of Manhattan should be free of them, or at the very least it should cost you a shitload of money to drive there.  "BUT IT'S MY RIGHT AS AN AMERICAN TO DRIVE EVERYWHERE AND ANYWHERE AND I PAY TAXES AND AMERICA AND FREEDOM AND TAXES!," you may protest while you fondle your gun, but of course the truth is motorists are among the biggest freeloaders around:

This article makes a number of interesting points.  For example, gas tax only pays for a fraction of the road system (which, if you're a cyclist, you probably knew already):

The report documents that the amount that road users pay through gas taxes now accounts for less than half of what’s spent to maintain and expand the road system. The resulting shortfall is made up from other sources of tax revenue at the state and local levels, generated by drivers and non-drivers alike. This subsidizing of car ownership costs the typical household about $1,100 per year—over and above the costs of gas taxes, tolls, and other user fees.

Not only that, but drivers are paying for less and less as the years go on:

While congressional bailouts of the Highway Trust Fund have made this subsidy more apparent, it has actually never been the case that road users paid their own way. Not only that, but the amount of their subsidy has steadily increased in recent years. The share of the costs paid from road-user fees has dropped from about 70 percent in the 1960s to less than half today, according to the study.

Plus, motorists are also subsidized in all sorts of other less obvious ways as well:

There are good reasons to believe that the methodology of “Who Pays for Roads?” if anything considerably understates the subsidies to private vehicle operation. It doesn’t examine the hidden subsidies associated with the free public provision of on-street parking, or the costs imposed by nearly universal off-street parking requirements, which drive up the price of commercial and residential development. It also ignores the indirect costs that come to auto and non-auto users alike from the increased travel times and travel distances that result from subsidized auto-oriented sprawl. And it also doesn’t look at how the subsidies for new capacity in some places undermine the viability of older communities.

I'd also add to that the wear and tear caused by great big vehicles.  Then there are all of the associated costs of motorists crashing into pedestrians, cyclists, buildings, and of course other motorists.  Even a stupid little fender-bender requires a police response and generally results in traffic jams, road closures, and residual delays.  This results in lower workplace productivity and will ultimately bring this once-great nation to its knees, at which point we're ripe for a Canadian invasion.

Are you happy, motorists?

And of course by subsidizing driving we're fucking over everyone else in the process, as anybody who rides the subway can attest (as can anybody else who lives in a city without a subway because most of the rest of the country gave up on the idea of public transit about halfway through the last centry):

And these subsidies to car travel have important spillovers that affect other aspects of the transportation system. There’s a good argument to be made that part of the reason that subsidies to transit are as large as they are is that motorists are being paid to not use the transit system, in the form of artificially low prices for road use and parking.

In fact, when you think about it, cars are probably destroying America:

("Tell me something I don't know.")

And lest you think I'm preaching, don't worry, I can assure you I'm doing my part to help fuck things up by parking THE CAR THAT THE BANK OWNS UNTIL I FINISH PAYING THEM BACK on the street for free:

(The yellow is my urine.)

I'd like to blame gentrification for my car use since it's made the parts of New York City in which it's practical not to own a car totally unaffordable, but the simple truth is I'm lazy, and like most Americans I'm willing to indenture myself to creditors for the illusion of convenience:

Moreover, thanks to this stupid mindset, instead of fighting for better public transportation and smarter development, we're simply going to wait for the private sector to save us.  So instead of, say, high speed trains, you can instead look forward to traveling our decaying roadways in self-driving cars made out of beans and shit:

From common crops like tomatoes, soybeans and wheat straw to more exotic plants like hemp, eucalyptus and agave fiber (a byproduct of tequila production), scientists are experimenting with turning crops into car parts, as well as a host of other manufacturing applications.

The shift from non-renewable petroleum to renewable plants hasn’t been easy. But some companies are accelerating the adoption of plant-based plastics.

Please note I am not linking to the aforementioned "article" because it's actually a Ford advertisement made to look like an article that I noticed in the New York Times.

Speaking of laziness, mountain bikers have gotten so lazy that they're now using what are basically "dropper stems:"

See, in recent years the dropper seatpost has become de rigueur, the idea being you remotely raise and lower your saddle according to the trail conditions in order to compensate for your lack of scranial dexterity:

Well, now the concept is coming to your cockpit:

Front suspension, rear suspension, dropper posts, movable stems...  How many parts of a mountain bike can slide, retract, or pivot before you're basically riding a Serotta fit cycle?

Here's an idea: how about instead of a bike that is infinitely adjustable across every conceivable plane, you just ride something where all the parts stay in one place?  Then, when you encounter an obstacle, you adjust your riding style accordingly?  Seems like the challenge might be kinda fun.  We could even come up with a catchy name for the whole concept.  Maybe something like "cycling."

Nah, it'll never catch on.

Meanwhile, dick breaks on road bikes seem to have gone from "not necessary" to "not powerful enough" in the span of about four months--but fortunately, there's a solution to the problem that until recently never existed:

Do you have a road bike with mechanical disc brakes? Wish they had a bit more oomph? We’ve been sent a pair of hybrid disc brakes by Taiwan’s Juin Tech, and they promise to fix that hole for the modest sum of £150 / $200 / AU$TBC.

Fixing holes indeed.  Clearly the bike industry is hard at work filling every orifice, and it's not going to stop until it collapses in a hot puddle of spent brake fluid and tire sealant.

Lastly, via the Twitter, here is the $285 leather-wrapped bicycle lock of your dreams:

This All-American chain and padlock combination allows flexibility in securing your bicycle whether your options are a standard bike stand, or the less conventional. Covered in Horween Essex leather to protect your paint job. Supplied by Shinola and Map of Days of Carrboro, NC.

Should be great in the rain.


BamaPhred said...


Anonymous said...


Unknown said...

73. Behavior is regulated not only through explicit rules and not only by the government. Control is often exercised through indirect coercion or through psychological pressure or manipulation, and by organizations other than the government, or by the system as a whole. Most large organizations use some form of propaganda [14] to manipulate public attitudes or behavior. Propaganda is not limited to “commercials” and advertisements, and sometimes it is not even consciously intended as propaganda by the people who make it. For instance, the content of entertainment programming is a powerful form of propaganda. An example of indirect coercion: There is no law that says we have to go to work every day and follow our employer’s orders. Legally there is nothing to prevent us from going to live in the wild like primitive people or from going into business for ourselves. But in practice there is very little wild country left, and there is room in the economy for only a limited number of small business owners. Hence most of us can survive only as someone else’s employee.

Spokey said...

podi cause ted doesn't count

Grump said...

The way to make NYC "better" is to ban all motor vehicles and have everyone ride around on horses or High Wheelers.

ricochet said...

bike scum will remain.

Bernie Sanders said...

"On your Left!"

Anonymous said...


Dave - Everywhere said...


Unknown said...

vsk said ...

Late breakaway ...


Bloc Québécois said...

TedK est un connard.

balls™ said...

If only bikes also had something that was similar to the way some things are smaller when you aren't using them, but get larger a rigid when you need them to perform.


N/A said...

Wednesday dropper post.

Spokey said...

the article isn't quite right. motor vehicle taxes pay about 1/2. sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. the gas tax is about 1/3. The other 1/6 is licensing, tolls, and other user fees. that's the national average. of course states like snobbie's hemorrhoids probably are more subsidized as we have the 2nd lowest gas tax. all that stuff is available up at the federal site which i'm too lazy to look up but is the federal dot or something.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Sranular Conditions: Anhydrous

N/A said...

"agave fiber (a byproduct of tequila production)"

Hey, if drinking tequila will make the world a better place, then I'll get on board. I'm a team player.
If my boss asks why I'm drinking, I'll just accuse him of hating our Mother Earth.

3G said...

Holy shit...I live in Carrboro and we put out THIS shit!? I had no idea we were such douchebags

Unknown said...

vsk said ...

Yes, using farmland to grow car parts. Because the ethanol solution did not displace enough crop space to cause food permariots yet.

Maybe Brooks will chamfer up an artisANAL leather chain cover. Then sell you the artisANAL chain cover rain cover. And of course some Proofide and Neatsfoot oil if using the leather cover gives you caluses over the long term.


crosspalms said...

I'll take one of those hemp/tequila cars, but only if it's self-driving.

dop said...

top twenty scranus

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Fondle my gun

Roille Figners said...


Against the Grain said...

A leather covered lock and chain would cow your ordinary thievin' bike rustler.

Bryan said...

You missed the part of that dick break where the article mentions the cons: due to the small amount of fluid, brake fade is possible on long descents.

The only good architect was Art Vandalay.

I'm giving your city another try this winter to impress me. Taking a train up in December and fully plan on riding the subway to get most places, with perhaps a token Cat 6 ride on a Citi Bike. I know my previous experiences and dislike for NYC have been based on 2 failed trips with friends and very little, if any, planning. I'll have to go back and read through some of your old posts for some good destinations.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"From common crops like tomatoes, soybeans and wheat straw to more exotic plants like hemp, eucalyptus and agave fiber (a byproduct of tequila production), scientists are experimenting with turning crops into car parts, as well as a host of other manufacturing applications.

The shift from non-renewable petroleum to renewable plants hasn’t been easy. But some companies are accelerating the adoption of plant-based plastics."

Well its about damn time the rest of the world catches up. What was it like 30 years ago when those pioneers Cheech and Chong built that delivery van out of hemp fibers and it worked fine.

Freddy Murcks said...

Being able to raise and lower your seat more or less at will on your MTB is great. A dropper seatpost is the best upgrade I have made to my barney bike. However, being able to raise and lower your bars seems to be, at best, ill conceived and unnecessary.

Charles said...

You don't know shit from Shinola!

Great name for a business guys.....

babble on said...

Just an fyi: though self driving cars are a sad sad sign of the times, at the very least we cyclists should give thanks for them. Apparently the next step in the evolution of the self driving car is that they are going to take out the steering wheel, etc, cause your average driver is driven to distraction in them. They are all constantly wanting to take the wheel because the car actually obeys the law, and that runs so contrary to how people actually drive. The self driving car won't speed. It can't. It's cautious, too. And polite. It won't drive too close to anybody or anything. It makes the average motorist crazy, but it will undoubtedly create huge downward pressure on the number of fatalities on our roads.

Ha!! And can you imagine a Canadian invasion!!???! "Oh sorry, excuse me, pardon me..."

Spokey said...

peaches is an arch-i-tech. but she doesn't own a car. not even a hyundai*

full disclosure. her arch-i-tech boyfriend does have a subaru but they both biek-sickle to work.

Roille Figners said...

When will it be enough, America? When will it be enough?

JuanOffhue said...

Babble —

Self-driving cars may well be programmed to make ethical considerations that a passenger with a steering wheel might well try to defeat — like, should its sole passenger die, or a group of pedestrians?

NHcycler said...

My impression of that Shinola company was made solely upon their practical, made-in-Detroit, get-the-job-done-right-the-first-time work bikes. Yeah, they're not cheap, but quality usually isn't. But wow, they've got a lot of account-draining accessories on their luxury gift menu. Maybe they're actually based out of Brooklyn...

herzogone said...

The adjustable MTB stem is like a slicker, MTB-version of the classic Major Taylor stem.

JLRB said...

Kickstarter doesn't Know Shit from Shinola

crosspalms said...

Another subsidy: snow plowing. We expect the city to plow the streets and pronto. But sidewalks are up to individual businesses and homeowners. You want to walk on your sidewalk? Shovel it yourself or pay a neighbor kid to do it. But make sure it gets cleared: Chicago just raised the fines for non-shovelment of sidewalks. Meanwhile, on the two blocks between my house and the nearest bus stop, there are three vacant lots (one of them pretty big), so no plowed sidewalk and people walk in the street, including parents taking their kids to school.

America said...

I'm with it.

Anonymous said...

Funny. I used to date a girl named Horeen Essex. In fact we all did.

Knüt Fredriksson said...

Behold! The "unstealable" bike:
Strangely none are available for sale... I suspect that they were all stolen.

Sgt Stedenko said...

I was making book "fiberweed" on how long it would take "fiberweed" to make it's appearance on today's Weednesday blogulation.

Congratulations to RCT for the Win

Sgt Stedenko said...

I butchered that one, blame it on Weednesday

1904 Cadardi said...


I don't think of self driving cars as a sad sign of the times. Like you I think of them as a blessing from Lob. They'll never have a "Imaputyouinnaditch" temper tantrum. And since Google, Volvo and a few others have claimed they will take all responsibility for any "accidents" caused in self-drive mode it'll probably be pretty good in order to cover their collective corporate hineys.

For me they can't come soon enough. Hopefully they will become standard issue for all teenagers and I won't have to worry about being greased by some texting numskull.

1904 Cadardi said...

As for architects:

I hired one for my house remodel. Quick question, are understanding basic use of a tape measure and knowing how to add simple numbers forbidden skills in order to be licensed? Or was my arcletek just a maroon?

N/A said...

Haha, architects. To me, they're like engineers: There are plenty of really smart people that become architects (and engineers), but there are also a lot of them that have to tell you (endlessly) how smart they are.

Not a Fan said...

Anyway, for nearly $300 that chain better be wrapped in yak scranus artisanally and sustainably curated by native indigenous peoples.

Knüt Fredriksson said...

1904 Cadardi,

Won't drivers just re-program their self-driving diesel pickups so they automatically "putyouinnaditch", just like the people who "roll coal" already do?

chung_hwa_lun said...

Taiwan’s Juin Tech

Sold to Specialized/Trek real soon now. The price to you and I will be tripled with appropriate branding and a patented zertz damper somewhere in there.

Let's just cut to chase and deal direct.

Spokey said...


given that the typical canadian scranoid needs a 500-1000 manual written in comic book style to start their dino beast of death what makes you think that any more than 2 to 3 in the entire country could re-program their self-driving diesel pickups?

JB said...

The leather wrapped bike chain looks like it's just sheathed in an intestine. Cow? Human? Which is more artisanal?

"I get to remember the legacy of grandpa every time I lock my bike up at the moonshine bar in Billyburg."

JB said...


You are right, people already by aftermarket (illegal?) "chips" to override the computer (and emissions controls) in their car/truck.

Dressing Left said...

I have an idea, instead of yelling, "On your left", just slow the fuck down and pass carefully. You know, like you would in a car. When someone yells, "On your left", I am always tempted to move to the left. But I do not because I am not Ted K.

Knüt Fredriksson said...


All it takes is 2 or 3 people to program the after market chips and sell them to the thousands of people who think it's funny and socially acceptable.

If you weren't allowed to drive a car unless you were able to build one yourself, then how many people would drive cars?

clyde said...

Where's the boobs?

Spokey said...


that part requires no skill. just the money to afford a people's wagon.

1904 Cadardi said...


Possibly, but most of the self-driving car's "drivers" will be so engrossed in facebook or twitter or porn or something that they won't even notice any cyclists. Sure it's a Pollyannaish future, but being freakishly optimistic is an important part of riding beiks isn't it?

N/A said...

I don't yell, "on your left" because most people don't know their right from left. I just say, "passing" to make them aware of my intent. The only real time this is necessary on my rides is when I'm on a multi-use path. Groups of walkers tend to walk abreast (hehe) and have no idea why it's annoying that they're covering the entire width of the path. The speed at which I typically ride does not require me to slow down.

Dooth said...

That Shinola Sausage Chain made my stomach growl.

Wisdom Rider said...

Once there was a stick and a feather that were laying by the side of the road. A wind came up and the feather blew away, then the wind grew into a terrible storm and even the stick was blown away. After the storm was over a great many sticks now lay on the side of the road, a bird came down to claim one of the sticks and a feather was dropped.
Thank you.

Instead of on yer left said...

Fuck you take the headphones out of yer ears and get out of my way

NDPer said...

I always yell at people that I'm on their left, mostly because in this part of B.C. everyone votes Conservative.

JLRB said...

We are really spending billions on military blimps?

Spokey said...

i'll probably take crap for this, but uuummmmmm i have a bell that i use on multi-use paths. on tour i carry a whistle around my neck. also is good if one of the fuck-o(e)s i'm with missing a turn.

K-Bo said...

I use a squeaky tyrannosaurus head horn.

dop said...

Too many people look over their left shoulder & drift towards you if you say 'on your left' ..I either ring the bell while I'm far away, or slow to almost their speed and coast by with a 'hello'.

Roille Figners said...

Hey don't be puttin' architects and engineers in the same basket - engineers actually have to be smart (as opposed to just bossy). Although that still doesn't necessarily include knowing how to operate a fuggin tape measure or deal with people.

Someone needs to do the George Carlin Football vs. Baseball thing for this.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Roille, that reminds me of a joke:

Q: How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?

A: He looks at the other guy's shoes rather than his own.

Unknown said...

Ah, Shinola Detroit! Nice to see the next Brooklyn is ready and able!

crosspalms said...

We hired an "architect" when we remodeled a kitchen several years ago. Didn't measure the ceiling height for the cabinets. It was high. Those cabinets were WAAY up there for a while.

Hired real architects when we rehabbed the house we now live in. Best decision we made, cause they suggested things we never thought of, listened to what we wanted, and made the place work well and look good.

Freddy Murcks said...

I just hope that nobody doped so that they could "win" Snob's New York Outer Burrow Grand Fundo because doping to win an event with no prize money, no spectators, and no glory would just be pathetic. No one would ever be that stupid, right?

samh said...

'Round these parts we call dropper posts "Taint Slappers".

Anonymous said...

Someone is making "Fredward" bikes:

Thought you would like to know.

ChamoisJuice said...

For a women in the engineering dept, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Dropper seatposts are the best thing to happen to mountain bikes since disc brakes. I use my dropper about as frequently as I use my shifter.

Bikesnob is mechanically intimidated by bicycle parts that require oil, more complicated than lubing a chain. Hence his distaste for hydraulic brakes, suspension, and droppers. To much pride to admit he is confused by simple hydraulics. Shit's not rocket surgery...I mean, I can fix em, for chrissake.

I don't get why he can't get behind a simple QR seat binder. Maximum seat height is good for one thing= pedalling. It totally fucks about your ability to actually RIDE the thing tho. Look at ANY cycling discipline the is won or lost on handling skills as opposed to anaerobic suffering threshold. BMX, DH, enduro, trials, etc= the seat is not up your ass.

Who knows? Maybe he likes the rhythmic prostate smacking.

The adjustable stem is truly fucktarded. Modern mountain bike geo has been evolving quite a bit the last few years. Concensus being, that climbing chops is primarily influenced by steep seat angles. Downhill confidence from slack headangle and short stems 50mm, max 70mm. Bike fit determined the ol' Sheldon Brown way, picking your frame size based on toptube length or reach. Long top tube, short stem, slack head angle, steep seat angle, short stays = bike that shreds on the downhills, and climbs well, too.
This geo is slowly making it's was to XC and CX race bikes... gradually. Give it another 10 years and maybe roadies will finally get the memo 100mm+ stems make any bike a twitchy, sketchy handling POS.

Onto the larger technological issues that are shaping tomorrow's society. Interwebs, smartphones, and Tinder have drastically changed the world in the last 20 years. The two inventions that will transform the next 20 years are:
1.self driving car. As Apple and Google get these things out there, and statistics show they are far safer than manually operated cars, insurance premiums will reflect that. In a few years, it will be far more expensive to manually operate a car, then to let the robot do it. Add in the ability to nap, eat, do work, whatevers, I think they will take over pretty quick. robots. MATING GAME IS ABOUT TO GET SHOOK UP LIKE WHOA!

Knüt Fredriksson said...

1904 Cadardi,

I just worried that the fucko's will run out of things to twitter about and post on their facebook pages and resort to hot-wiring (chipping? hacking?) their self driving car so it does stupid things that they can then record a video of and post on their facebook and twitter pages...

Plus there's the fact that you'll have to pry that diesel truck out of their cold, dead hands before they'll buy a self driving car, so the whole idea that the roads will soon be full of autonomous vehicles is kinda silly...

Old timer said...

Self-driving cars? Gone will be the halcyon days of slowly rolling through all those stop signs…

BikeSnobNYC said...


I use my dropper about as frequently as I use my shifter.


Tell it to Reddit.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1904 Cadardi said...


REAL architects you say? Hmm, shoulda hired me one of them. Mine was too busy describing how the masonry language of the existing portion of the house informs the sensibilities of the new construction and creates a cohesive organic designway.

Sure. Sure it does. Also, you have that wall terminating into a window and you designed a closet framed with 2x6s.

Captain Obvious said...

CJ already has a facsimile of a sex robot: His hand. It's the only action he's ever gotten and it's the only action that the rapey little fuck is likely to ever get. And he knows next to nothing about bikes or women.

Ryan8538 said...

"Clearly the bike industry is hard at work filling every orifice, and it's not going to stop until it collapses in a hot puddle of spent brake fluid and tire sealant."



Anonymous said...

Aussie dropper-post guy: " ... on such a narrow trail" really? You need a full-suspension bike with a dropper to ride that? I watched it twice to try to figure out where the narrow parts and the gnarly downhill were.

ChamoisJuice said...


I actually saw the crazy Bosnian last night. We shared fresh oysters, mussels, and pork belly with brussel sprouts. She doesn't ever order much, I guess hangups from her modelling/B-movie actress days in LA. But I know she can't resist the fresh seafood, so I order a bunch, and she'll actually eat something.

I find her a fascinating, yet frustrating creature. She immigrated here as a child during the Bosnian war. Her father is Catholic and mother is Muslim, and given the ethnic cleansing happening between the two groups, mixed ethnicity families were not safe.
Her dad is super ambitious, and now is ceo of some big engineering firm. She grew up with all opportunities, and went to UNC and got a masters at Duke. She's quite bright, sensitive, and an excellent cook. She is also a raging alcoholic, has never been able to maintain a "real" job, and has the worst taste in men ever.

She is moving to seattle to house her "true love", who is getting out of jail for beating her. This is the second time he has been imprisoned for beating her, despite her perjuring herself on his behalf. There is a court imposed non-contact order, that she is ignoring. He and his brothers will be helping her move, and her plan is to hide in a cardboard box in the moving van, in the off chance they are pulled over for a traffic violation. Just to give you a small taste of the issues this girl has...

Why do I see this trainwreck? Besides the obv: she's hot, a total freak in the sack, and our incredible sexual chemistry... Really, it's because I'd like to see her get help. I wish she would make healthier decisions, and know that she need mental health counseling and medication.

Sadly, her Eastern European background makes counseling a non-option. I've asked her how she would diagnose her mental issues, and she quickly rattled off PTSD, borderline personality disorder, depression, and bipolar. :/ But is completely unwilling to seek medical help, for fear of being ostracized by her family.

I've asked her how she thinks things will be different, this time around. What makes you think he won't beat you again? "Well, he has learned how to not leave marks. And I have learned how to protect myself: I curl up into a ball" SMH.

I am very worried that she will be murdered one day. ;_;

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

CJ, Don't tell me, you're one of those weenies who bounce around the city with your head in your palm, expecting everyone to watch out for you as you diddle yor cell phone, your only true friend, except for your right hand when you're alone between the sheets.

The beauty of a well built bicycle is it's simplicity, in style and maintenence. If we wanted to constantly lube pivots, bushing and joints, we'd buy fucking cars.

Unknown said...

Some people don't know shit from shinola. Or as my grandfather used to say when I tried to explain why you kept bicycles indoors when not in use: "Boy, you don't know shit from shinola."
Yeah, I do. One of them is covered in leather and costs a bunch of money.

Marcus Welby's Penis said...

scrotums have ridges

ChamoisJuice said...

Pathetic Old Cyclist:

By that criteria, the bicycle pictured in your avatar, the Penny Farthing, is the ideal bicycle. Minimum parts, maximum simplicity and reliability.

Most would agreed that the added complexity and maintenance of a chain and sprockets, is worth the drastically improved handling and ability to alter gear ratio.

Many would agreed, the complexity of a freewheel over a fixed cog, is worth the ability to coast. Wait, now you need brakes, MORE COMPLEXITY!1!!

babble on said...

Heh. The boy's classmate has a car that does the whole "autopilot" thang. Sez it has a state of the art entertainment system. Maybe motorists won't be so hot hot hot to hit the gas pedal hard the way they do if they're spending the time behind the desk, as it were, catching up on emails. Or wanking to porn, or whatevz.

JLRB said...

FM's link:

“We are of course upset and hurt that a doper taints the reputation of our race and had us celebrate him on the day,” said GFNY CEO Uli Fluhme. “However, it’s without a doubt more important for us to do what we can to make our race fair, of which doping controls are an integral part. Simply looking away and not testing the athletes is the worst decision that a race director can make because it forces everyone to take drugs to try to level the playing field."

First, he said taint (he he)

Second, who the fook feels "forced" to take drugs to win a non-competitive "race"?

Third, I feel shame for actually having done a Gran Fondo.

dop said...

It's that kind of corruption that led me to enter the fondon't. No ped's, just coffee & pastry at coffee labs in Tarrytown, and some beer in the Bronx. Snob didn't even collect our urine.

leroy said...

Can't decide on the appropriate sound track for today's post.

There's Mr. Dylan's: "I saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it."

Or Mr. Carroll's: "I want the angel whose touch don't miss when the blood comes through the dropper like a thick red kiss."

My dog's karaoke tribute to Mr. Carroll's oeuvre has been called "enchanting." But not by me. And not at 2:30 in the God damn morning.

John Elias said...

He had me at "you have manufacturing on the edges and living and working in the middle". I see. A New York that's not designed for those people.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...


That PF was a great bike. The only reason why I don't ride it anymore is because I can't get parts for it anymore. Cycle and component manufacturers create systems and components and then drop them within a short period of a few years, leaving us with no choice but to upgrade entire gruppos at enormous cost. Try shopping for a mtb wheel with rim brakes. The LBS dosnt even carry them anymore.

JB said...


- It's Brussels sprouts.
- There are likely not very many large engineering companies with a Bosnian CEO whose daughter went to UNC and Duke. You may want to tone down the details.*
- If they get pulled over for a traffic violation, they will not check all passengers for non-contact orders and if the 'non-contactee' is present.

Please revise and resubmit.

*I realize that the whole thing is likely fiction.

P. Bateman said...

i'm a little late...but so where can i find more info on these sexbots?

Westworld said...

"...where can i find more info on these sexbots??

Here maybe?

Unknown said...

vsk said ...

I gotta get my doping routine down for the next FonDon't ! Specially if I wanna do it on an old 3 speed like Old Raleigh Guy. He was great!

I'll have to do some dry runs and strava my times on my 1956 Scwhinn Corvette. ...Hey was that a curb or a tree branch? hmmm, pedalpedalpedal...
Big Wald basket and foldable panniers optional. A Tweed Run through the mud!

Isn't it a ciento hundred yet ??


meltyman said...

Costs missed: NOx NOx NOx NOx NOx NOx NOx NOx? and CO CO CO CO CO and particulates . . :. .: .:. .: .: ...: . : .. :. .: ..:. ::.: -- and obesity and infarctions Who's gonna pay the health bill? Oh, right.

dop said...

dropper trou.

Maybe I can raise $5,000 on kickstarter to develop the idea. Maybe turn it into a concept.

96 said...


97 said...


98 said...


99 said...


dop said...

lakes and oceans

McFly said...

Never realized I need 3 positions at the stem on my MTB adventures. Here all this time I have just been using the one.

Unknown said...

Dick breaks?

dop said...

I love the smell of a century in the morning. It smells like scranus.

Dick Swiveller.

Roille Figners said...

And like most fucko's who shout "On your left," Wednesday is actually not able to keep pace, you catch up with Wednesday, and it's slow to get the fuck out of your way, so you just suck its wheel waiting for a Thursday opportunity.

Also I never thought I would say: "Welcome back, Chamois Juice."

Anonymous said...

yo mike p. what's your question?

Charlie Brown said...

Shumer should ride a Citi Bike if the Mets lose because it matches both teams colors. And even though I like Bike Share Bikes, nothing says "Loserville" like a Citi Bike......

ChamoisJuice said...


On the very first date with this woman, she told me, "Don't google me."
OK, what is any normal persons reaction to that statement? GOOGLE YOU IMMEDIATELY. I mean, it probably would have taken me a few weeks to get curious enough to look her up, but that's just a dare. Let's just say her acting roles prolly don't make the old man too proud, and she used her real name.

One of the things I like about commentarding anonymously on this blog, is that I can't edit or delete. Once it's out there, it's out there.

I agree with you that the cardboard box idea is stupid. I think her thought is that if the popo ran his license, the cop puter would return that he had just been released for felony assault, and that his no-contact order would show. And the cop would be, "who's this girl, here?" I thought, having the brother drive would be a simple solution, but didn't suggest it. I'm trying to talk her out of her insane true love conquers all plan!
Regardless, it is my hope that their neighbors call the police the next time he goes to town on her.

Pathetic Old Cyclist:
P-far, really?!? Those bikes are on the gaper lever of tandems and recumbents= impossible to do wheelies on= epic fail as a bike.

What kind of shitty bike shop do you go to? Around here, every shop stocks $50 ching chong meow single wall replacement wheels, and $90 deore/dt/sun cr18 wheels. I think your trouble sourcing parts stems from poor shops, or a market that doesn't have college kids and minimum wage workers who use old mtbs as commuters, instead yuppies that consider bikes toys.
I am somewhat curious as to when you think bicycle technology peaked. I am of the belief the humans are resoursful people, and are constantly improving on good ideas. Not to say that ALL new technology is better, but sometimes those new ideas truly are improved.

ChamoisJuice said...

Uncanny Lover: Building a Sex Robot | Robotica | The New York Times

Actroid DER2 fembot - Face expressions

Shit's creepy... who knows, tho? Maybe the sex robots will help curb the epidemic of angry virgins going on top score killing sprees?

Anonymous said...

Shinola, where have I heard that before? Can't quite figure it out.

Guess I don't know shit from shinola. Maybe that's why my shoes don't shine.

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