Tuesday, October 27, 2015

If drivers can't stop having accidents, then maybe they should wear diapers.

Transportation Alternatives has been running a campaign to get everybody to stop calling car crashes "accidents," and awhile back they asked me to write something on the subject for their magazine "Reclaim."

So I did, and you can read it here:


Come for the poignant humor, stay for the beguilingly amateurish computer collage art:


By the way, when Transportation Alternatives asked me to provide my unique brand of shitty illustrations along with the article, I think they were under the naive impression that I make my images look that way intentionally.  They soon found out this is not the case, and that I am indeed just a garden variety idiot. Therefore, due to my incompetence, they were forced to redo at least two of the illustrations themselves in order to achieve sufficient resolution.  (It's also being printed on "paper," whatever that is, and what I sent them wouldn't work.)

I feel bad for the designer who had to lower him- or herself thusly.

Speaking of technology, if you were going to create an app that melds AirBNB with Uber to create a bike share system, what would you call it?

Why, AirDonkey, of course!



"The idea is, if you have a bike you're not using, share it," explain the creators, and by means of this simple kit you can pimp out that rusty piece-of-crap bike gathering dust in your shed:


Then, once you've cleared your termite-ridden shed of bikes, presumably you can also just put that on AirBNB:


By golly, this sharing economy's gonna turn us all into zillionaires!

As for the bike, just wheel it into town, sit back, and watch the money roll in:


This doesn't strike me as too bad of an idea, and if nothing else at least Jesus would approve:


("You like this ass?  I got it on AirDonkey.")

That sure is one WASPy-looking Jesus.

Anyway, I'm glad Transportation Alternatives is out there working for us because I've pretty much given up on this town.  I mean, I'm not leaving or anything, but I have transcended "Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai" and have now attained the more profoundly apathetic "Fuck it" level.  Then again, it could be worse and I could live in Australia--though some readers have informed me that the state of South Australia is now both sidewalk cycling and requiring motorists to give cyclists at least one meter while passing:


Of course they're only doing so begrudgingly, because we are talking about Australia after all:

"It's impractical to think that safely, we're going to have cyclists moving down the footpaths while people are holding hot coffees and shopping bags," Mr Clyne said.

Hot coffee and shopping bags?!?  Oh, come on, it's worth it for the slapstick alone!


Impractical?

Maybe.

Impractically hilarious?

Definitely!

Even so, they're doing their best to stop these draconian cyclist accommodations:

Independent MP John Darley said local councils should have been thoroughly consulted before the changes were made.

He is now preparing to move a so-called disallowance in Parliament that would cancel the changes, at least temporarily until the Government reinstates them.

"I think it's time to sit back and think about this and think through what the ramifications could be," Mr Darley said.

Indeed.  The ramifications could be more people riding bikes, and nobody wants that.

Lastly, this past weekend there was some Internet controversy when irrelevant bike company Colnago put up a sexist post on their Facebook page.  If there are two things I don't give a shit about it's Colnago and Facebook, so I mostly missed the whole kerfuffle, but fortunately Bicycling has gone through the trouble of summarizing it for us:

We’re fans of Colnago bikes. The C60 we bestowed an Editors’ Choice on this year was one of the most singularly enjoyable bikes in a very elite field. The ride quality superseded the “heritage” paint job.

By the way, you should absolutely take the time to peruse Bicycling's aforementioned review of the C60 ($6,200 for the frameset alone), because it's good for a laugh:

I'm going to assume that there are many people who won’t get what this bike is about. The C60 is heavier, more expensive, and harder to find than a lot of very good bikes. And perhaps the nostalgia for Ernesto Colnago, and the romance of a made-in-Italy frame, is all meaningless crap. But damn: When I look at the bikes that have come before the C60 and see how their DNA can be traced directly to this model, and when I ride the C60 and it just feels so perfect, I have a hard time discounting that nostalgia and romance. Here’s the real thing, though: Beyond those intangibles, this bike rides great. Really great. You are not a special enough rider to say that the C60 lets you down in any way. Cycling is physical and logical and runs on numbers and data of course, but it is also passion, and irrational desires, and stupid dumb emotion. And I don’t think there is any bike that satisfies both the physical and passionate needs of a cyclist as much as the C60 does. —Matt Phillips

Yes, it's really not that great a bike, but if you don't like it YOU SIMPLY DON'T GET IT.  See, it's all about "romance" and "passion," both of which are somehow present in an inanimate bicycle made from plastic.  Also, this line confused me:

When I look at the bikes that have come before the C60 and see how their DNA can be traced directly to this model...

You mean because all the model names start with "C" but the numbers get higher as you go?  Talk about passion!  Also, I'm no genealogist, but when you're tracing something don't you go backwards?  Or did the new bike simply leave its actual DNA all over the other bikes in fluid form, like certain other Italians are wont to do?



Anyway, here's the text that accompanied the Colnago Facebook post:

"Do you thought about where to ride this weekend? Or take the bike and go. Let us know your route, share your comments below.”

Wow, that English is more broken than...well, than a Colnago:

But they do at least seem to be alluding to riding the model, which is about right from an Italian bike company nobody has given a shit about since Mapei's heyday:


I mean sure, there's a certain kind of Fred that still lusts after Colnagos, but he's stuck in the '90s and he looks like this:


Anyway, Colnago finally apologized:

Colnago deeply regrets the recent posting of an image and accompanying social media post that is offensive to women, and not at all appropriate. Colnago has long-supported women's cycling and continues to provide such support, we do not condone sexism, on or off the bike, and sincerly apologize for posting the image. Our social media policies have been clarifed internally to prevent such posts from happening in the future. We respect all members of the Colnago community, and we appreciate the needed feedback many have provided to us on this matter.

Guess that means they fired the freelancer:



Though sadly this guy is still constipated:


155 comments:

Le Doper said...

PODIUM BITCHEZZ

Le Doper said...

And second

Le Doper said...

I need a life

Anonymous said...

podiation in the am

wishiwasmerckx said...

do want

McFly said...

That Depends.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Rub the sandman outta your eyes....snobby's on the prowl early

Andy said...

Top ten!

McFly said...

I bet that's not the first time she has wrestled a snake while high in the ol' Prius.

BACK SEAT

Anonymous said...

Drugs! Top 10!

Anonymous said...

Colnago is the "Call of Duty" of bicycle brands, anyway.

bad boy of the north said...

yaaawwnnnn!another early post.now time for breakfast.

bad boy of the north said...

snob,lots of great points in "reclaim" and that's no axi-dnt.

bad boy of the north said...

oh,wiwm,nice folding bike.

JB said...

Fantastic pic of Cipo.

Bryan said...

Essentially a two (2) for one (1) or, BOGO if you will, BSNYC posts in one morning - I feel like I hit the lottery! I feel like riding that ass all over (the air donkey, or Colnago girl?). Actually, don't most big European cities have bike share programs already? Probably less expensive. There's already a website for sharing bikes, that exactly two people have signed up for in my city and neither has managed to rent a bike yet.. The only inquiry one of them had was on a bike he had stripped down for the time being

Anonymous said...

"Essentially a two (2) for one (1) or, BOGO if you will, BSNYC posts in one morning..."

Good move by TA to not allow comments to their Reclaim blog.

JB said...

So, now these dolts with 57 Magnas for sale on CL, will sign each up for bike sharing and distribute them around the city, thinking they are about make the $$.

dnk said...

BSNYC --- great post today and excellent op-ed for TA. Are you a George Jones fan or is the title just coincidence?

N/A said...

That Reclaim article may contain some of your finest MS Paint work ever, Wildcat.

N/A said...

Also, that Colnago girl looks awfully young to be used for entendres, doubled or otherwise.

PotbellyJoe said...

Snob, great write-up and the TA article is wubbulous.

I'm going to start a bike share in my town. I'll take the 57 Magnas, Pacifics and Mongooses that I own and lock them to fencing and piping with locks using the same combination for all.

Then monthly I will change the lock combination and send it to people who have paid me for the privilege that month.

Then those people can use my bikes for Uber Delivery so that I can get my in-store pickup delivered to my house by an unemployed, sweaty guy.

The Future!

DB said...

That woman who stole the python looks like the guy from Girls on HBO.
Nice one today, Snob.

Spokey said...


yaaaaaaaaaawn

is this yesterday's post? kinda late getting it out snobbie

DB said...

Oh, and on behalf of the State of Iowa, I apologize that Ben Carson is leading the polls here.
I also apologize for Steve King, Joni Ernst, Ron Blum, etc. We are a very normal and nice place, it's just that the evangelicals vote like crazy while the folks in Iowa City and Des Moines kinda forget or it's half-price wine night at the bar and we lose interest after a few drinks.

mongo said...

mongo miss babble

PotbellyJoe said...

@DB,

Who is worse? Carson or Trump? I fear both, and by fear i mean chuckle at the ridiculousness.

JLRB said...

That broken Colnago was severed with a sawzall after someone locked it to a fence in Brooklyn

Spokey said...

what's the problem

colnago has a new prone bike. like this one better than the previous prone bike snobbie posted a couple days ago.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...


Top 30.


vsk

Anonymous said...

Al Roker says to rike bieks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voy6_AmDJb0

Anonymous said...

"....are wont to do" one of my favorite phrases snobby!!

Anonymous said...

Re: Colnago. I get that the bike industry is sexist and the marketing is outdated. But I can't help but feel that there's this puritanical reaction to sex at work here. The degree of the reaction just seems inappropriate. Violence everywhere in the media (and real life): OK. Music videos: OK. Cycling, not OK? The reaction seems a bit over the top. Am I missing something?

P. Bateman said...

the twitterverse overreaction to the colnago ads is absurd. i hate the twitterverse and i am outraged at all the outrage. especially the outrage of bearded hipster guys getting all up in arms for women's suffrage.

i agree with Anon - whats wrong with a bit of sex?

Spencer said...

I really enjoyed the article for “Reclaim”, powerful stuff there!

JB said...

"Twitter Pitchfork Mafia" is a phrase that I like.

P. Bateman said...

Climbing is a dream on this bike. It's not effortless—it never is on any bike—but the C60 felt responsive, and eager. If I’d been in better shape, I’d have kept going up Happy Canyon and just climbed, and climbed, and climbed

jesus. that is some funny stuff.

.... and if i had wheels i'd be a wagon.

DB said...

I have always been a fan of the Assos women's bib shorts ad.

BamaPhred said...

I lolled till my Depends are leaking, or maybe it's tears due to the utter blindness of people to any responsibility of causing injury and death whilst driving. It's always just one big oopsie. Yeah, if Jesus gets anymore Northern European he's gonna hafta change his name to Hans.

P. Bateman said...

the twitter mafia should be up in arms about $5,000 framesets that you have to return to the manufacturer because the bottle cages are too close and "the water bottles touch each other" which i guess on a carbon bike is like crossing the streams - total protonic reversal.

sorry, now i'm reading more bicycling reviews...

if you buy a $5,000 frameset, and i dont care how rich you are and maybe $5K is just fun money - you sir, are an idiot. its a fact.

leroy said...

Not to draw unnecessary parallels, but Matt's review sounds a little bit like those Cialis disclaimers:

Colnago is not for everyone. Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for Colnago. Stop riding Colnago and contact your doctor if you experience unusual side effects, such as a ride lasting four hours or more....

Oh who am I kidding, I'm sure it's a nice bike.

My dog says I'm just overly focused on hearts these days. He tells me we're going to a special doctor this afternoon and I might get a balloon.

Sounds suspiciously like he's trying to get even for that time he claims he distinctly heard me say I was taking him to the vet for tutoring.

Well, he did get schooled.

Enjoy every ride!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Although I am not offended by the image, that was pathetic CJ posting under my name again.

DB said...

Are you seriously headed for doctor today, Leroy?
If so, hope all is well.

janinedm said...

That last Cipo image was the stuff of nightmares. If we're taking individual polls as to how offensive the Collage ads, I'll put in my vote. As a woman, ads like this give me that feeling you get when an older person uses the word "oriental" or "colored" to refer to people. I'm sure it was not meant in malice and I'm more embarrassed for them than anything.

janinedm said...

I just read the TransAlt article. Who has money for a Prius but can't afford a snake!? It must have been some sort of weed-induced thrill crime.

Frickus Rungus said...

This morning, when I arrived at work I discovered a bike locked to the handrail of the main stairs at the entrance to my office building. The bike was locked diagonally across the bottom of the railing, so that the aero bars extended extra far over the stairs and the bob trailer was in the flower bed. I resisted the urge to flip the bike over the railing into the flower bed...
When I was out getting some coffee I ran into the bike owner on my way back into the building. I asked him not to lock his bike across the stairs and pointed out several perfectly good bike racks that were all less than 100ft away. His response? "Who are you?!?" Then he rode off cursing me.
Car drivers may be a menace because of their ability to kill with ease, but they certainly don't have a monopoly on being self-absorbed assholes...

DB said...

Hey! Janinedm.
You must know my 90 year old father.
Went to the VA clinic the past week and said there were lots of colored and orientals working there.
not said in malace, just clueless.
I try to keep him out of the public as much as possible.

balls™ said...

I know that a $5000 frame is probably pretty nice (hopefully). I also know that those magazines are little more than shills for the manufacturers that send them nice bikes to ride. BUT, I'd still like to see them put the same set of wheels and identical components on a few high-end frames along with a couple of frames for the rest of us and do an actual comparison.

I know, not likely.

Roille FIgners said...

Well here's what comes up if you Google "dunkin donuts crash."

And here's what comes up with "dunkin donuts accident."

Notice how "crash" is overwhelmed with pictures of the COP who ran into a Dunkins, whereas not so much with "accident." Because nobody believes it's an accident that a cop ran into a doughnut shop.

cipo_man_blue_group said...

If I were Colnago, I would have ordered another photoshoot of a Cipo next to a Woman's biek model and then posted an image with "Do you have a thought to ride?" There you go Internet. Equal opportunity.

Would it have been a better with a gun or three for uptight Americans?

$6000 for a lugged carbon frame. Wow. Just wow.

P. Bateman said...

finally stopped reading bicycle reviews and read the article you wrote Snob - that was some seriously good and very funny stuff. i see now why they are paying you the big bucks.

i think i just gave a compliment. not even a left handed one.

weird.

cipo_man_blue_group said...

balls,

The only thing it would show is the frames right ever-so-slightly-different, assuming of course it's not the same OEM product, one painted in Italy and therefore "made in Italy."

A long time ago, some French publication went to great lengths to measure/compare framesets and found nothing special other than terms like "power loss" and "soft" were complete lies. The industry hasn't changed in this respect.

I will say that carbon enables a manufacturer to build strategically more flexible bieks than the old alloy days, but we're talking very insubstantial benefits.

babble on said...

Heh heh ooooooh dat ass. Brilliant, as per.

Janine, maybe she just wanted to free the poor big ol' snake. Figured she spoke parseltongue, till it turned out the snake had the last word. I babysat a python one night... now THAT is a monster sized lizard. YEOWZA.

And wrt the ad, good point. It is a little sad. Like Stephen Harper appearing with the brothers Ford during the last weekend of the federal election campaign.

But I rode a Colnago for a while, and on it even I felt like maybe I could climb. It really is a beautiful bike.



JohnP said...

Snobby. I want to school in the south and everyone down there called crashes "wrecks".

ken e. said...

80's super mexico. just sayin' "when colnago was magical."

Anonymous said...

Let's end the partisan discussion, split the difference between "crash" and "accident" and call every incident a "crackcident". Unless actual crack smoking is involved, in which case it'll just be called "no criminality suspected".

Anonymous said...

good article sir. A shart is a messy accident, accidently yelling out your sisters name while making love to your wife is an embarrassing accident (or in West Virginia, it is just factually correct), snagging your dick in your zipper is a painful accident but 95 time out of a 100 a car crash is caused by careless or reckless driving, and that my good man is no accident.

Grump said...

That old photo of jesus makes him look like some liberal long haired damned Hippy. We all know that jesus was the reality TV businessman of his time.

Anonymous said...

"But I rode a Colnago for a while, and on it even I felt like maybe I could climb. It really is a beautiful bike"

tut tut, didn't you know that a brand name bike is not de rigueur here. It has to be steel and artisanal (speaking of heavy and overpriced).

Roille Figners said...

Did nobody tell the AirDonkey people about Spinlister? An existing competitor in an already skin-and-bones market? It provokes a dizzying type of vertigo. Not the other, make-you-feel-totally-safe-and-steady type of vertigy (sic), the dizzying type.

Private Eightball said...

I brake for blacksnake!

Spokey said...


It has to be steel and artisanal (speaking of heavy and overpriced

just plunked down a grand deposit on one of those. but then i'm artisanal, heavy, and overpriced myself so i thought it would be a match made in heaven. expecting it by next spring.

Don't Be An Asp said...

I thought that the type of snake that you find around a neck would be a boa, or if was around the upper thigh then it would be a garter.

Freddy Murcks said...

Colnagos are no more or less stupid than any other overpriced road fred sleds, but I must say that woman has a really hot ass. I know I am a sexist pig because I objectify women and I harbor impure thoughts about them (especially when they have a hot womanly ass and they are wearing tight shorts), but 'Fuck It!'. What am I gonna do? Time and bikecycling will probably render me a eunuch, so I might as well enjoy the fun while it lasts.

I also find it somewhat unseemly that Colnago felt compelled to apologize. They're Italian. Smarmy, unctuous sexism is their birthright.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm - romance and passion? Maybe the reviewer should try dating a real woman and he wouldn't have to wax erotic about a bike.

cycle

Roille Figners said...

Let's be clear that "colored" and "oriental" are accurate terms that have simply become unfashionable. Same with "moron" and "Chinaman." But do you know what else is unfashionable? Common sense, decency, thrift, being quiet, not making a big fuss when you have a problem... you know, old-fashioned shit. So laugh all you want. By the way, I love the word Chinaman. "I ordered a new circuit board for this monitor and the Chinaman sent it forthwith." If I can't say Chinaman then you better outlaw Frenchman and Englishman too. And old-ass shit like quoting Shakespeare. That shit is old-fashioned! Get a clue! It's not true anymore! New stuff is the only stuff that's true!

Roille Figners said...

And yeah you know what, a woman who has worked hard, on a bike or by walking around on those, whaddya call 'em, feet, and ended up with a spectacular posterior, should be able to show it off. And lo, dicks will harden, for it is holy. The schwantz: holy. The ass: holy. (snickersnicker) The problem, as I have recently determined, is when somebody uses it to sell stuff. Then it IS exploitative -- and mind you it exploits both the participant AND the viewer.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Scranular Condition: Barren

Roille Figners said...

That's right, The Little Mermaid, Allen Ginsberg, Beavis & Butthead and the King James bible all in one comment. SOMEONE HAS HAD WAY TOO MUCH COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N/A said...

I, for one, have no objection whatsoever if a lovely lady with a spectacular posterior wants to show it off. If that's something we're voting on...

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Cipological Forecast....oleaginous.

grog said...

I Brake For Snakes
AXEE DENT

JLRB said...

Colnago - putting the ped in pedophile

That model is still too young to treat

or maybe I'm too fooking old

my father said...

You may be strong as an oak, but you're making an ash of yourself

groucho marx said...

Lolita? I'll wait until she's 18 to read it.

JLRB said...

ps - I love my olde school Colnago titanium Fred-sled

crosspalms said...

JohnP
A friend of mine spent summers in a small town in Missouri when he was a kid, and it was the same there. Big topic of local conversation was always who died or got hurt in a wreck.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"Car Crash killed my Hyundai"

I'm not looking to start a band but if I was that would be the name.

janinedm said...

I think Michael Albasini has spoofed Roille Figners' account. Super embarrassing. I'll let the Asians speak for themselves, but if my black ass hears you using the word "colored" anywhere near me, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.

Freddy Murcks said...

When I come home from an MTB ride covered in blood (it happens more often that I'd like to admit), I don't tell my wife that I had an accident. I tell her I had a crash. A crash and the ensuing bllod are the foreseeable result of riding too fast and losing control. I never really thought about it in the semantical way that Snob presents in his article, but it is certainly true that saying that it was an accident would somehow absolve me of the responsibility for deciding to ride faster than my skill allows.

N/A said...

If you ever crash into something, all you need to do is scatter Dunkin' Donuts around at the scene, and no criminality will be suspected!

Spokey said...


roille for president. or at least dog catcher.

Anonymous said...

Janinedm,
What about the NAACP?

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Dance of the Twitter Plum Fairies.

I wonder if someone was holding a gun to Ms. Colnago Pedlar's clover freckled head and said ... "exploit yourself!"

DNA...models begin with C? I wonder if that includes my C-Super or C-Sprint or the C-Mexico or C-Arabesque or C-Master PIU, C-Superissima, C-Pista, etC...

O My OMG ... it's HEAVIER that the others... are we talking grams? ounces? Or a full pound?
I can have a totally different set of bikes if I shut my mouth til I exert 10 less pounds of force on the Earth below. Or maybe I can discover riding on the drops again!

vsk

At least it wasn't that other word said...

ending someone over a word

Fred Nifacent said...

JLRB - I looked at that picture and I thought she was soemwhere in the mid-teens. It looks like Colnago lost their colective minds. At least if you are gonna perv, use an older model - oooh, that wrong isnt it?

McFly said...

Babysitting the Python should be a buzz phrase.

People come up to me in social situations all the time and say "I almost ran over you the other day....you and your buddies....FYI...." And I'm like "Well thanks for not man-slaughtering us."

I need to find out how these small town people are not killing us and relay that info to TA.

Anonymous said...

excuse me, but where is that sexist post?

sng said...

Back before our 17 kids, the wife and I used to go on a lot of group Fred rides. I spent quite a bit of time "drafting" behind her (looking at her butt). She knew, so it wasn't like some kid in a Colnago add. Physically fit and strong is hot.

babble on said...

Frednifacent - how about: at least use an adult model?

1904 Cadardi said...

I have a friend in Adelaide South Australia who complained about the new 1 meter rule saying "90% of the streets already have bike lanes and now I have to give a meters gap? What more do you cyclists want?" I said "Not murdering us. That's all we've ever wanted. Less murdering."

Did I miss any of our collective demands?

leroy said...

DB -- oh I'll be fine. They give you drugs and a cross is coming bracelet. My dog got a visitor pass as a companion animal. https://twitter.com/leroys_dog/status/659080670606708737

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

what exactly is "on the bike sexism"...

...and where can i get some?

Deadly Fredly said...

For anyone who thinks that 3 feet is too much and that say, for example, 1 foot is an acceptable passing distance, encourage them to turn their back to an oncoming train and walk sort of wobbly in such a way that lets the train pass within that limited space. Then they will know the abject terror for a cyclist when a car passes much too fast and much too close. And if perchance they get clipped by the train: "Oopsie. Try to be more careful next time."

DB said...

Hope that dog of yours takes good care of you and doesn't use this opportunity for a Mets/karaoke/book club party night.
Let me know if you need help. I think I can get Crosspalms to join me at OHare and we'll be there shortly.

crosspalms said...

Road trip!

Ride safe Leroy, and don't fall down.

cipo_man_blue_group said...

I didn't look at the Colnago ad long enough to realize the age of the model.

Either something is lost in translation, or.... ewwww. Adult models please, one each gender.


That would be at least four models. Adult male, adult female, adult male identifies as female, adult female identifies as male. You can do it Colnago!

Dooth said...

I must be a male chauvinist pig because I don't see anything sexist about that gorgeous young woman with her magnificent ass stretching that Lycra to its limit. Oh wait, Colnago is using sex to sell its product...that's just not done.

bad boy of the north said...

Leroy,best of health to you!his dog...take care of him.

ryan bullas said...

Unrelated. Please make fun of this. http://www.bikerumor.com/2015/10/27/levicle-hopes-to-scoot-you-to-work-like-a-kid-racing-a-shopping-cart/

babble on said...

Ha! I'll take a six pack of those bracelets of yours, Leroy. I should wear one in the loo, fer fucksake. In fact, they should make a "Crash Risk" bracelet in neon red...

Hee Haw the Barista said...

ACCI DENT

Serial Retrogrouch said...

But damn: When I look at the bikes that have come before the C60 and see how their DNA can be traced directly to this model, and when I ride the C60 and it just feels so perfect, I have a hard-on, discounting that nostalgia and romance.

Hee Haw the Barista's mom said...

@ryan bullass

Is rudimentary HTML really so hard?

Holy Roller said...

Don't all you sinners go and be mocking Jesus the Lord of lords for riding into town on an ass! That mode of transportation was the Lear jet of the 1st century A.D. don't you know. Most commoners (and sinners) would just wallow about in the filth but Jesus was rocking the mule and people were even tossing down palm leaves because... well... because it was written. Amen.

Mario said...

People should have been laying down palm branches on the roads when
Cipo rode buy, think of the sweet elixir that would have flowed in the gutters as his wheels crushed the leaves.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...


Colnago girl needs some LuLuLemon pants!


vsk

JLRB said...

By the way - yes, bibshort guy, yes you are chopped liver

Freddy Murcks said...

Yes, but does IT come with BOOST SPACING?

Roille Figners said...

Hmm say the wrong thing, get killed. Remind you of anyone?

Same old, same old.... said...

Spinlister already exists for renting your bike to tourists, and they have an app or two, so i don't get AirDonkey, but then i've never used Spinlister either; though i have used several Bike Share systems (Divvy, B-Cycle, Nice Ride), and what i really like about them is NO HUMANS TO DEAL WITH!!!!

ChamoisJuice said...

Goddamn, roadies are neutered pansies.

Pretty much EVERY motorcycle magazine, features ads and centerfolds with hot, bikini clad women posing provocatively with motorcycles.

It is pretty much scientifically proven fact that riding a motorcycle makes the ladies moist. Ride a moto to the bar. Walk in with your helment on. Remove helment. Scan the bar. First female eyes you catch = wants the dong bad.

Replicate this scenario on a pedal bike wearing spando.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

If that ad is offensive, then we have become a civilization of doomed pansy twats.

Freddie Mercury said...

Have any have you ever heard the song Bicycle Race by my band Queen? Have you also noticed that my name is Freddie? Coincidence? I think not.

Nigel Tufnel said...

What's wrong with being sexy?

CJ's Mom said...

CJ get back in the basement

ChamoisJuice said...

WIWM,

My parental units are happily married and live in the same home I grew up in, within riding distance of NYC.

I live in the PNW, nestled in the mountains and forest, with views of pristine lakes, at the base of sweet trails, and devoid of neighbors. Main thing I miss about NY, is that I cannot get a decent slice at 4 am. In fact, it takes an hour and a half drive to get an acceptable slice.
SACRIFICES

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

** Mini Nuze Flash **

One of the cops from the precinct on 21st St and 2nd Ave called me to get the particulars again of where the spikes were in the 2nd Ave Bike Lane and said he'll look around to see if there's any video cameras pointing at that location.
He said there have been a few reports of these incidents lately. He also asked me how much the damage cost. 2 tubes at full Brooklyn retail prices? $10?

Anyway, seemed like some Community Policing going on...


vsk

Spokey said...

vsk

what about the tires? i'd check them carefully and take a liberal approach. if any question, toss the cost of a tire or two. that should get you closer to $100.

Anonymous said...

When Vancouver para-medic drivers arrive at an accident scene, and they see a bicycle laying there, they immediately start calling out "Babble, Babble"

Anonymous said...

What's so wrong about being sexy? The Colnago girl is attractive enough, but not "hot" by today's twisted norms.

Anonymous said...

Does Lachlan Clyne know that in Queensland we have been allowed to ride on footpaths for decades and that there are no problems with that? And why would it be a problem when nobody is walking on the footpaths anyway because they're all hauling their fat arses around in cars? Seriously, look along any suburban street in Brisbane and you will be hard pressed to find more that two or three people walking (usually there's none). So why wouldn't you use existing, mostly unused infrastructure to make it safer for cyclists? To underscore the point even further, I've noticed recently that, in some places, the Brisbane City Council has actually widened the footpaths and provided refuge islands at road crossings where they link up to bike paths seemingly for this very purpose. It's certainly made my commute more pleasant.

In Queensland, we have also had the one metre passing law for a couple of years now. There's debate about about the effort being put in by police to enforce the law but overall I think it has made a difference in changing attitudes somewhat.

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

That white-bread Jesus looks just like the one who stares up at you from under the glass on the check out counter at the Salvation Army, right next to where you used to put your check book.

Dave said...

Aw, Jesus H. Christ on a fixie mule! Can't a man enjoy a woman's ass anymore in the privacy of an advertisement, knowing full well that although she appears to be 17 she is in fact 38 and benefiting from five minutes of Photoshop, without being crucified on a bluenose cross cobbled together from splinters of the True Colnago?

OK, so I ran my own puffy rhetoric inna deeeeetch. And switching back to the Series...now.

Spokey said...


well

that sure was a mouthful. so to speek.

watched that game with the white balls for a few minutes 'cause spousy has it on. but can'ts really watch it 'cause of the discrimination. really? just white balls? what about black balls? yellow balls? or even blue balls?

Tired of self righteous bigots said...

So we all have to be tolerant, except for you.
Typical American bitch response. ...

Ooopsie said...

Does anybody need a hug

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, tell it to your therapist. What makes you think that we give a shit?

Love and kisses,

WIWM

Unknown said...

LOVED the illustrations!! Nice job on the Reclaim article!

Its Addlebrainian said...

@1904 Cadardi, So your friend is a fool (90% of streets in Adelaide have bike lanes - yeah fucking right), an asshole (now I have to give a meters gap), and a complete fucking idiot (lives in Adelaide South Australia)?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kapunda_Road_Royal_Commission

Anonymous said...

Just popped in to say I own three Colnagos.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 7:07am,

Still constipated?

--Wildcat Etc.

DB said...

Morning, Wildcat.
Just read that a bicyclist was killed by a falling container in LA.
Helmet?

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Spokey, I thought I saw a long gash in the front tire. It might have been the tread and not though to the casing because I inflated them to 105 or so and no bubbles or out of round. Have a few commutes on them now.

I guess I'll do a closer look and probably switch out the front old Bontrager Hard Case to the Continental Gator Skin. I just fucking put the Conti on the rear and was lazy about changing out the front which didn't look too bad. I have a cold and don't want to aggravate it by wheezing up the bridges in the damp so I should have some energy left to do some bike maintenance stuff when I get home from work.

...But who am I kiddin!

As for A Nony Mouse at 707, I have 2 Colnagos (a Super and a Sprint) and 1 built Olmo I ride to work and another Olmo frame that is waiting to be a "Killer Build".
And it doesn't count if the Colnagos are Plastic Fantastic.

vsk


Spokey said...

i should have at least 2 colnagos around here somewhere from the 70s. one would be the old spice my great aunt used to give me all the time and the other would be english leather / timberline.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Ha !!




vsk

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with being sexy?

BamaPhred said...

I threw all my Hai Karate out years ago. Now you're telling me its a valuable vintage fragrance?

Anonymous said...



Anonymous 7:07am,

Still constipated?

--Wildcat Etc.
------------------------------------

And I wouldn't trade any of them for a Ritte. Too hipster.

-- Anon Elitist who also lives in Yurup

dop said...

That constipated guy needs more fiber in his bicycle

Anonymous said...

That Colnago tweet was so dirty I had to fap myself into sleep. No really, it was more dirty than a Hillary Clinton joke.

Thad White said...

Great article, the Accidentally on Purpose. It reminds me of Metaphors We Live By, the book and research by Lakoff and Johnson. Words matter and they have a surprising effect on how we all think and act. Thanks for writing that.

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