Wednesday will leave you feeling clean and fresh!

As you may have heard by now, attendees at Interbike (that's the cycling industry's big annual trade show in Las Vegas) were shocked and appalled when they found a pair of incredibly cheesy socks in their gift bags, and here's an insightful analysis of the situation from the Surly blog:

The scandal has been dubbed "#sockgate," and here are the socks in question, which are destined to wind up hard and crunchy under the bed of your LBS owner's teenage son:

Naturally, sock manufacturers immediately distanced themselves from the controversy:

Just so you all know -- the #sockgate socks are not SockGuy! https://t.co/i3eRLrQE4A

— SockGuyLUV (@SockGuyLUV) September 15, 2015

And the Interbike people sent out a lame apology:

We are very sorry about the socks in the ODD bags. Socks were rec'd by third party & we didn't review. This is not how @Interbike rolls.

— Interbike (@Interbike) September 15, 2015

Ha!  That's now how Interbike rolls?!?  Please!  Granted, I've never been to Interbike (mostly because I'm not in the bike industry, but also because I can't stand Las Vegas), but based on the media coverage that's exactly how Interbike rolls.  We've been seeing an endless stream of real-life bike porn from Vegas for years now.  For example, here are some middle school girls posing with a fat bike:

(Seriously, how old are they?)

Here are some of the infamous Interbike "booth babes:"

(Why is the guy behind them wearing a helme(n)t?)

And here's some Euro scuzzbag snorting cocaine off of a surgically-enhanced breast:

(Classy.)

Sure, I realize this is just one component of Interbike, and that as an industry outsider my impressions are largely formed by what the media bros decide to photograph.  I also realize that, if some two-bit machine shop bro-peration decides to hire a couple of booth babes to attract other bros with baggy shorts and goatees, it doesn't necessarily speak to the intentions of the Interbike organization or the bike industry as a whole.

Still, it seems to me that it's time for the bike industry to make a concerted and collective effort to move Interbike away from a city whose economy depends on the degradation of women and that generally represents the most insipid aspects of American culture.  Seriously, Las Vegas is easily the worst American city I've ever visited--and I've been to Utica!  Leave Vegas to rube gamblers and the drunken bachelorettes and the bros who need a place to grind their boners into strippers before they get married.

So where to hold Interbike?  Well, the obvious answer is some bike-friendly city like Portland, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give those smug bastards the satisfaction.  No, I think Interbike should move to a more deserving city whose charms are a bit less obvious:



To that end I've even designed a logo:

By the way, that's not Cleveland, it's Pittsburgh--like you even noticed.

Or, if you want something more provocative, how about this?

Best of all, you don't have to worry about offensive socks, because here's what Cleveland has planned for 2016:

I've never attended a single Interbike, but I do love the Cleve, so if the show moves there I can assure you I'll be there faster than you can say "river fire."

In the meantime, remember last year's Interbike controversy, "#beergate?"

Well, here's hoping #sockgate and #beergate merge into #HotCarlGate, which will of course involve spectators walloping Cross Vegas competitors with sexist giveaway socks full of human feces.

But yes, I realize that it's not as simple as "Interbike should leave Vegas."  After all, I'm no better in that I've been complaining about New York City for years but I'm still here too.  In fact, I'm sure Interbike is still in Vegas for the same reason I'm still in New York City: all our crap is here and our livelihoods depend on it.  (I'm not referring to the blogging; I also happen to own 37 Ray's Original Pizzerias.)  Plus, how could I survive without the protection of the NYPD?

If the crash occurred as reported, Cioffi and the other woman were cycling with the right of way when they were hit. But anonymous NYPD sources blamed the victims for their injuries while exculpating the unnamed driver, telling the Post the cyclists were not wearing helmets — which is legal — and that “police did not believe there was any immediate signs [sic] of criminality.”

Let's all pause to once again reflect on the fact that "Bicycling" magazine calls this America's Best Bike City.

I hope they're all having fun at Interbike.

Not only that, but while one "anonymous NYPD source" was blaming the victim (for not wearing a helme(n)t when A FUCKING RUNAWAY BOAT CRUSHED HER TO DEATH), another was saying the trailer wasn't properly secured:

Sources close to the investigation said the hitch had been modified in some way.

“It came unhitched from the trailer, it wasn’t properly secured,” a police source said.

When it comes to the NYPD and investigating crashes the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing.  However, both hands seem to work in perfect concert when they're tackling the shit out of a retired tennis pro.

I'd say this is enough to get me to give up on Vision Zero, but the truth is I pulled the plug on that bullshit about 200 legalized murders ago.

Speaking of drawing blood, apparently blood analysis is the new Fredly Frontier:

(Via Twitter)

Mangar dislikes the “nebulous” term overtraining but believes a cyclist in the 35-40-year-old age bracket with a stressful job who does four sessions of high-intensity or sweet-spot training either in road racing or time trialling is in danger of some form of burnout.

Actually, the cyclist in the "25-40-year-old age bracket with a stressful job" who spends a bunch of time and energy "training" is most in danger of being a gigantic Fred.  Here's an idea: when you're feeling tired and burnt out, instead of analyzing your blood, why not just stay off your stupid plastic bike for awhile?  And stop "training" while you're at it.  Training is something you do to prepare for the Olympics.  When you're "competing" in amateur bike race where you might win $14 and a pair of irregular arm warmers, you're not training, you're riding a bike.

Still, it's pretty clear that blood analysis is going to be the new power meter, because there's even an article in "Bicycling" about it:

This past spring, I had the opportunity to ride the Tour of California route in its entirety with GU Energy Labs. While we weren’t going to be “racing” per se, we also weren’t lollygagging or riding recreationally. The goal was to see how our bodies responded to the stress of training leading into the Tour; the stress of riding the Tour as hard as we could; and how we recovered afterward. To that end, GU paired with the health analytics company InsideTracker to do a series of blood draws in the weeks leading up to and then after the Tour. The company scanned our blood for 30 different biomarkers important for energy and metabolism, muscle and bone health, inflammation, strength, endurance, and general health.

Sounds fun.


Lastly, via Twitter, and then here, and finally Kickstarter, here's the dumbest thing I've seen since at least Monday:

 

A system that continuously drips oil on your chain as you ride?

Someone would like to have a word with you:

("Hey, you-a steal my idea!")

See you at Interbike, Cipo.