Thursday, July 30, 2015

The Evolution of the Fred

Like New York City, London is an economic powerhouse, and wherever you find money you find Freds:


(Parking for one (1) Fred, spotted in London by a reader.)

But did you know that Fred Culture actually began in London?  It's true.  Consider this article from 1874, which chronicles the birth of the cycling craze, and in the process reveals what may be the very genesis of Fredness:


A form of amusement which appears to be becoming very popular in England is what is called “bicycling.”  

Great name, I love it!

Unfortunately, by the 20th century, Americans would shorten it to "biking," which they pronounce "bi-keen."

When bicycles were first introduced there was a disposition to treat them with ridicule, and many persons imagined that working a machine of this kind was simply a roundabout way of applying physical force in order to do what could be more effectively done by simply walking or running.  

This blows my mind.  Today, we're derided for not driving cars, yet 140 years ago our forbears were ridiculed for not simply running:


It's strangely comforting that we've been annoying people with our efficient machines ever since history's very first pedal stroke.

In the first instance, the machines were, of course, rather rough and clumsy, and very heavy into the bargain, and there is therefore some excuse for the contempt with which they were regarded.  But great improvements have lately been made both in their form and materials; the weight has been considerably reduced, higher wheels have been supplied, and various arrangements made by which the person working the bicycle is enabled to acquire a more thorough and easy command over its movements.

Behold, the Venge-Schmenge of its day:


According to reviewers of the time, it cornered like it was on stilts.

A school of daring and expert riders has also risen up; and though it is doubtful how far the bicycle will ever be introduced for the purposes of ordinary locomotion, it is evident that it is likely to take a prominent place as a form of competitive sport.

"Riding bicycles in order to get around?  Fie on that!  Bicycling's future lies in racing against ponies!"


(What, no helme(n)ts?)

A new class of sportsmen are thus introduced to the pleasures of the chase, and though the humbler riders on their five-pound velocipedes cannot keep pace with aristocratic rivals mounted on 200-guinea hunters, still they enjoy, to a great extent, the same sort of exhilaration and excitement.

Wow, that sounds like it's right out of Bicycling...1874:



"The £5 Hi-Wheel Sport with its cast iron frame lacks the supple lightweight steel tubing of its 200-guinea sibling the Ultra-Hi SL, but it's an ideal rig for the entry-level rider interested in charity rides, quick jaunts to the country, and even the occasional pony race."

And so it was that Fred-dom was born.

By the way, this article also contains the first-ever recorded answer to the question "Whatgearyourunning?"

It may be mentioned that Stanton’s bicycle has a driving-wheel fifty-eight inches in diameter, and is under fifty pounds in weight.  Keen rode with a fifty-four-inch wheel, the weight of his machine being less than thirty-six pounds.

Keen was like totally spun out with that tiny wheel.

I wonder how many skid patches he had...

Of course, since then, competitive cycling has come a long way--by which I mean the drugs are way better:


Recent positive drug tests by two cyclists suggest there is a new, cutting-edge substance making its way to athletes looking for performance-enhancement: FG-4592, an experimental drug that increases production of red blood cells but has not yet been approved for human consumption.

FG-4592?  Sounds like a model of fixie from BikesDirect--and as it turns out it's just as easy to order online:

In theory, FG-4592 is available only to participants in clinical trials being conducted by AstraZeneca and FibroGen. The drug is in the final stage of testing, but not approved for sale.

But at least three chemical-supply companies sell FG-4592. A person can simply go to a website, click on FG-4592, add it to a cart, pay with a credit card, and even get it sent via overnight delivery. The hitch, though, is that the buyer has to be a researcher.

“You have to have something in writing saying you will be using it for research purposes,” said Jane Lee, a technical-support specialist at Selleck, a company that sells the compound and advertises it to be 99.36 percent pure. Lee added that the compound has to be sent to a university or research facility.

Fortunately, the Cipollini Bikes headquarters technically counts as a research center:


Sure, they don't have a wind tunnel like Specialized, but they do have a "Virility Chamber" where Cipollini himself has been conducting extensive research on the alleged link between cycling and impotence:


(The Cipollini Bikes Virility Chamber)

So far he hasn't found any, but he feels it's still too early to draw a conclusion.

Speaking of competitive cycling, cyclocross season will be here before you know it--but even if you're trying to ignore it you know it anyway, thanks to the incessant chatter on Twitter:
I wonder how people even rode cyclocross before Twitter...

Oh, right, I forgot: before social networking there was no such thing as cyclocross.

It took disc brakes and hashtags in order to make the sport viable.

And of course under no circumstances should you attempt to engage in cyclocross without taking part in a "clinic" administered by an expert:


Sure it's just getting on and off your bike quickly, but it's different when you do it in a skinsuit.

114 comments:

Ted K. said...

47. Among the abnormal conditions present in modern industrial society are excessive density of population, isolation of man from nature, excessive rapidity of social change and the breakdown of natural small-scale communities such as the extended family, the village or the tribe.

Anonymous Coward said...

There is no Ted K.

Weasel said...

2nd?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Podium!

TheTye said...

Ding

gator joe said...

Behold, the Venge-Schmenge of its day:
LOL! Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Top ten, Ladies!!!!!!!
(and read it)

JB said...

I would have been in the sprint, but I had to go drop some weight. #drillium

Anonymous said...

Man, my Walmart urbanbacktouring29.5gravelgrinder doesn't weigh less than 50 lbs!

babble on said...

Caught with my pants down on yesterday's comment board... (blushing)

P. Bateman said...

i missed the top 10 because of windows 10.

damn bill gates. thank you very little.

JB said...

Ted K., since you're an admitted doper, you are hereby immediately removed from the podium ad infinitum.

Also, FYI, that package you said you'd send has not arrived.

DB said...

I guess FG-4591 is obsolete now.

dop said...

PSST...want some FG-4592? I know where you can get a good price.

P. Bateman said...

"When bicycles were first introduced there was a disposition to treat them with ridicule"

so it sounds like there was an original BikeSnobLCY

i wonder if he ate gluten free bread? probably not.

NYCHighwheeler said...

Nice P-Far history Snob! Always good to read up on Fredly roots.

Fergie

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

"Precicely how DO you do a 40 mph paceline? The downway of a false flat, maybe? What's that, 60 something kmh?? Ha. We do 40 kmh in a criterium, and the cat 1/2 do 50 something, but 60 something? Do people do that? We have a pro or two in our midst, and though they are consistently near the top of the board they certainly aren't always running away with the win every time."

Babs,

This got me thinking yesterday, also. I checked Wiki for the fastest average time for a TDF stage was 50.4 KPH, 31.3 MPH. ( 1999, curiously won by Mario, presumably by a nose, or other probiscus shaped anatomy).

I figure if Uber, dopedup Freds don't maintain a 40 MPH pcaeline, my guess is our Venge journalist is a lying sack o' shit or that must have been one hell of a wind assist!

Bryan said...

If the Venge Schmenge is such a fast bike, how come Froome won the TdF on a Pinarello, and the only thing the Venge Schmenge can claim is the green jersey, which Sagan could have won on a penny farthing (also, he did not win any stages on his venge schmenge). Ooooh, you are telling me it is all about the rider, not the bike.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Classic gold, snobberdoodums. I laughed out loudly!!

Master Bateman? Never, ever be a guinea pig for Window updates. That way madness lies. Seriously. Give it a few months. Some people suggest the better part of a year, but you don't have to go that far.

RD NoFA said...

I have very dirty knees...

Dave said...

If there were no Ted K., we would have to invent him. A tedious task indeed.

As I was out riding this morning for pleasure,
I felt a thump-thumping in my own rear tire.
Its internal structure had broken at leisure,
And if I am wrong you can call me a liar.

Yippee ti-yi yay, I blame Ted K.

Shawn said...

Ugh, I hate it when I learn stuff by reading. Thanks snob.

Roille Figners said...

I believe that era also gave rise to the spurious anecdote, such as this passage from 1876: "The Ultra-Hi SL was however, the first velocipede upon which this author has applied exertion and actually obtained enjoyment therefrom. At one point, grimly hanging on to the back of a group of my fellows traveling at near 40 miles to the hour, I found myself musing, 'If I were on a Hi-Wheel Sport right now, I would certainly be in a predicament.'"

Clueless said...

Can some one explain the #CROSSISCORNING joke?

Thanks in advance for any assistance.

CYCL OXEN said...

Windows 7 and a dropped chain.

"Select all images with grass."

POOP OOPS said...

Making fun of hashtags promoting the imminent arrival of the cyclocross season.

Cross (the Jesus kind) is coming.
Chris is coming (messy!).
Crass is coming (reunion tour!)
Cress is coming (the watery kind)

etc.

Promotion always has kids in the back row making fun.
Good thing too.

P. Bateman said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjXyU-YPCaw

Anonymous said...

the 40mph pace line? Easy. Go over a cliff at 30. I bet you reach 40 before the bottom.

cycle

wishiwasmerckx said...

I'm in love with the FG-4592.
I got it for the low-low...

Baking soda! I got baking soda!

wishiwasmerckx said...

POC, if memory serves me right, that fastest stage ever in the 1999 TdF was contested in a torrential downpour.

PotbellyJoe said...

"Though it was less stiff than the 54, we found the 58 to still be horizontally stiff while vertically compliant and despite a 4 pound weight disadvantage, it rolled over horse apples and cobbles with ease compared to the shorter standard."

In the beginning was the Fred.

JLRB said...

So let's just turn the pro beikers into lab rats and contract them to test drugs - much better than relying on a crazy Russian billionaire for team funding

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Merckx,

Yes, 99 TDF. I don't know ore remember the rain. The stage was won by Cipo, so it had to be flat and fast. He always bailed when it started going verticle.

P. Bateman said...

turns out my bike parts are still in the U.K. due to some shipping delays because of the Prudential Bike Ride 2015.

thanks for slowing things down PER USUAL cyclists.

why don't those assholes just run.

Anonymous said...

Fred's place: https://www.google.com/maps/@51.514181,-0.091486,3a,49.4y,19.12h,72.5t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1spIizlUOoFxU-IeaPna56Kw!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

Greenpeace Pinata said...

I will say, for being a 90s style-theme park, Portland has great mobile data speeds under their bridges.

Local Bike Shop Guy said...

Why don't those assholes just pay the extra $10 instead of buying from England

Carlos Caliente said...

38th-ish

P. Bateman said...

@local bike shop guy - i know, but it was quite a bit more than $10.

Spokey said...


FG-4592?

i'd swear that's the new stealth fighter.



aaaarrrrrrggggghhh

haven't posted all day and the asshole robot wants me to Select all images with a milkshake

Swimming Fred said...

The Associated Press commissioned a study of the virus and bacteria levels in the waters where Olympic athletes will compete next year in Rio de Janeiro. The testing found dangerously high levels of pathogens from human sewage waste. Extreme water pollution is common in Brazil, where the majority of sewage is not treated. Raw waste runs through open-air ditches to streams and rivers that feed the Olympic water sites.

Here are five troubling findings from the study:
Not safe for swimming or boating

In the three water venues for Olympic games, the tests found levels of human adenovirus roughly equal to that seen in raw sewage. Global water experts who examined AP's data said the water is not safe for swimming or boating.
Athletes could get sick

A risk assessment conducted for the AP by a U.S. expert said athletes who ingest just three teaspoons of water (16 milliliters) have a 99 percent chance of being infected by a virus. It is not known what percentage would actually fall ill.
Bacteria levels exceed even Brazil's standards

While bacterial tests of Rio's water were better than viral analyses, some of the AP tests found levels of bacterial pathogens (fecal coliforms) spiking in the lake to 10 times above the Brazilian limit for secondary contact (boating/rowing) and 18 times the limit in the Marina da Gloria in one sample.
Brazilian testing incomplete

Brazilian officials monitoring water quality do not check for these viral levels - despite the fact that water quality experts say the majority of waterborne illnesses are viral in nature.
A possible competitive advantage?

Brazilian health experts who deal with sewage-related illnesses point out that most Brazilians develop immunities to these viruses by the time they reach adolescence, but foreigners won't have that advantage. The doctors all classified Rio's public health situation as having "endemic" problems related to sewage-polluted waters.

leroy said...

I don't know how cyclocross existed before Twitter.

I'm still trying to remember how folks settled bets before Twitter.

bad boy of pennsylvania said...

Correct me if i'm in error....but isn't. Mr.Flintstone the first Fred?i know,i know but someone had to ask.

Anonymous said...

"Fred's place:"

Thanks for the link. There is only one bicycle visible in those photos; guess that is why it is 1 Fred Place.

Also, historical plague for a Prime Minister, but one for an "Eminent Accountant"?

BamaPhred said...

Did you have to be able to grow a handlebar moustache to ride a pennyfarthing?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Fecal coliforms and triathletes go together like hand and glove. Weher you find one, you invariably find the other.

Anonymous said...

Babs - I hope you get involved with this:
http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/bare-with-us-ontario-sisters-to-host-topless-protest-1.2491043

Roille Figners said...

Or this... Moons Over Miami

Spokey said...



i thought fecal transplants were the health sensation. the real problem is those athletes will be DQ'd for doping if the go in the water.

babble on said...

Swimming Fred,
False Creek is always suspiciously full of fecal coliforms in the summertime, too, and absolutely nobody thinks that the boats in the marinas have ANYTHING to do with it. Granville Island holds a great canoeing/kayaking camp for kids, but the water quality makes me hesitate. The kids always end up spending a good chunk of time in the water somehow, and it is toxic. Funny that.

P.O.C. - geez. I must be the girl Cipo, turning tail soon as the going gets sloped. There is a flat and fast race in Aldergrove this weekend. I was planning to own the podium for that baby before I broke again, so I was sad sad sad to see the evidence on the x-rays. The fractures didn't hurt much compared to last year's floating shoulder, so I rode to the races on Tuesday eventing thinking maybe - just maybe!! - I might be able to ride 70 km over the weekend and rack up a few points along the way.

Nope. Two weeks does not a bone knit.

JB said...

It took me about 10 minutes, but I thought that everyone realized in about 5 minutes that the 40mph paceline thing was just a typo for 40 kilometers/hour (i.e., ~25 mph). Maybe it's gone meta, and I haven't realized it, yet.

Go ride today.

Boob obsessed said...

Women have had the legal right to expose their breasts in Ontario since 1996.

That cop is a wanker.

Wear sunscreen.

A Historian said...

In 1996 Amendment 36DD was passed, giving women the right to bare boobs

Tom Jefferson said...

” Women have had the legal right to expose their breasts in Ontario since 1996. “
”… giving women the right …”

People have unalienable rights. Governments are supposed to protect these rights, that people have and have always had. Governments, and the laws passed by them, do not repeat do not give people rights.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

JB,

We know, we just like to bust balls. It was in an obviously poorly proofread national cycling magazine, however.

Anonymous said...

The speed of the winning team in this years Le Tour 28 km team time trail? About 32.5 MPH.

If them bi-keen journalists can get a 40 MPH pace line going, they need to form a team and apply for a UCI pro licence.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...


The water must be real bad if you can't go boating in it. Do fiberglass boats disolve a la the Luminum one in Dante's Peak?

Does anyone have a Park or VAR truning stand for a 58? The one for the 54 can't really be modified.

Ms. Babs, do you have some new content up there yet? O, maybe I'll go check just to give you some ... traffic!

vsk

1904 Cadardi said...

So this one time at Bike Press Camp...

McFly said...

Maybe it's Ted King and he is winning by taking the marijuana.

PotbellyJoe said...

Anti-discrimination policies and precedents in NYC have made laws gender neutral, meaning anyone can walk around topless and the police can only ogle.

In the summer in SoHo you'll occasionally see a topless woman who paints a mustache on her face just standing silently on the sidewalk. I hear she is more often around Union Square, but I have never see her there. She's protesting something, and I hope it ever comes to fruition so that she and others will continue the good fight.

JLRB said...

This article about the growth of Beik commuting starts off with, you guessed it People around the country are dusting off their helmets and turning to a two-wheeled commute to work

21,000 fewer cars here in DC (OK some of them would have taken the Metro, blah, blah, blah)

BamaPhred said...

Just saw a news blurb about NYC subway station being 106 degrees? That's some kind of tough life you NYC bros are living, bro.

babble on said...

I was protesting to free the nipple waaaay back since the early nineties. I spent the afternoon in jail one day when an RCMP officer spotted my nipple (and it wasn't even intentional!!) at the Bathtub Races in 2001.
I protested the clearcutting of Carmanah way back before saving trees was hip. I am quite accustomed to being annoying. I irritate the old boy's club, and anonyhaters, too. All due respect to the lovely old men on the room of course.
Nope. I have not posted. I am dreaming about writing the great Canadian novel. :) Bless your heart for the clicks .I really should upload some photos, in any case. Show you my collection of spikes and plates in surgical steel. It's wicked.

1904 Cadardi said...

Babs,

A collection of spikes and plates? That's some serious body piercing you're into. Rad.

I did screws in my hip for a while but decided I just couldn't live that lifestyle and had them taken out.

crosspalms said...

JLRB,
I've never had to dust off my helmet. The breeze in that 40mph pace line usually takes care of it.

the Jimboner said...

I happen to be in Rio today and opted for beers poolside instead of my usual nose full of fecal coliforms.

Anonymous said...

"Tonight we have a fecal coliform, it's a microscopic parasite raised in artisanal human excrement and presented in a glass of cloudy water with a mint leaf garnish."

"Does that come with rocket diarhhea?"

"Yes sir, and vomiting too. It's my faaaavorite."

"Sure, I'll have the fecal coliform."

babble on said...

Ewwww. And when you are taking an enormous volume of vitamin and mineral supplements, it ends up being some seriously expensie shit.
But at least that shit's better for the fish than all of those hundreds of pharmaceutical compounds presently detected in our fish stocks.

Focus503 said...

I can no longer type the word helmet, without it coming out as helment. So thanks for the chuckles at any rate.

Anonymous said...

TEDK RULZ

Frickus Rungus said...

Focus @6:06

I can't say Massatwoshits or hermaphroditically sealed correctly anymore either.

Anonymous said...

babble, a tip for your novel: entitle it the Great Canadian Novel.

babble on said...

Yes, exactly! End play around all of those snarky critics.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Bama 4:58

That 106º was probably at 8 am.

dop said...

Babs...I think you should call your novel, ADVENTURES IN THE CANADIAN BUSH

In A Rears said...

Ahhh Babs, butt I should have guessed you were into end play.

My name is Mudd said...

Mudd's my name

Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie said...

"We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat"

P!N20 said...

The 'bike parking for 1 Fred place' sign shows a graphic of a sweet NJS track bike taken from the non-drive side. I reckon any Fred worth their weight in crabon would just stand there perplexed.

cecil's ghost said...

why couldn't he buy a serotta, like the other dentists?

google maps said...

there's a fred place in Edison NJ, as well as Fred Streets in Old Tappan NJ, New Suffolk NY, Old Forge PA and Pawtucket RI.

(Old-New-New-New-Old & so Paw I could Tucket)

JLRB said...

That's nothing - we've got FREDerick MD - a whole Fred town (with some great climbs, rolling hills, covered bridges and not-so-civil war battlefields to ride about - and the Civil War Century ride takes you through plenty of it

Barbara Frietchie said...

"That's nothing - we've got FREDerick MD..."

Plus, there is a Frederick race every year in Frederick, MD, on high wheel bicycles.

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2012/08/proper-attire-safety-first.html?_sm_au_=iVVkW74WQjTL0WNQ

(At least there used to be.)

Also the have a giant regular fred "race":

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2012/09/no-future-if-wishes-were-cockpits.html?_sm_au_=iVVkW74WQjTL0WNQ


Also, Good one, Snob!.

DuaneAllman said...

Eat a peach for peace

Anonymous said...

Am I late?

cycle

Old Fred Guy From Ad said...

umm umm Liver Tonic

Anonymous said...

Mr. Snob,

I will kindly remind you, that Specialized does not operate a winD tunnel. We operate a WIN (tm) Tunnel. Please correct this egregious slander or I will have no other option but to turn to the courts.

Sincerely,

Mike Sinyard

Spokey said...


podium up for grabs. guess i'll go out before the fires of hell flare up again today. it's only in the 80s ('merican) so far.

Spokey said...



mr sinyard

your moulding soul is making me sorry i contributed $10 to your greed pile for those SPD shoes back at the turn of the century (years not biek miles).

JLRB said...

Now that Le Tour-Bore is done, when is that beik race in the Middle East? The weather is just about perfect now

JLRB said...

So if Spokey is out cycle-biking

JLRB said...

And DOP seems to be dancing on pedals somewhere

JLRB said...

And it isn't certain that Ted set up a century bot

Anonymous said...

95

97 said...

96

98 said...

97

Anonymous said...

wait for it

JLRB said...

99

JLRB said...

100

JLRB said...

uncontested points - raises hands - pumps fist - kisses crucifix - grabs ass on podium, etc

babble on said...

aaaaaand collects kisses... XX

dop said...

dang...took my eye off the ball to do some work & I missed the sprint. Snooze/lose.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

aaaaand don't forget swings back by the team bus for the lunch bag.

JLRB said...

... and sports embarrassingly small post-kisses boner in lycra

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Now go find yourself a Win Tunnel and get the fuck innit !!!


vsk

fred said...

YEEEEEEABBADABADOOOOOOOO!!!!!

streetsweeper on the gulf said...

Abu Dabai doo-doo?

endo-king said...

Snob;

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-33723769

Why are they?

Bill

mekore said...

oh my god, 'intensive pre-season prep' for a cross, thats hillarious

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