Monday, July 20, 2015

A Refreshing Summer Recipe For Gazpacho: 1) Pour Jar Of Salsa Into Bowl; 2) Serve!

Whilst on an early morning velocipedinal jaunt yesterday I encountered this assemblage of detritus:


The golf shoes, the children's toys, the record player...  A family's finished basement had clearly regurgitated its contents onto the lush and verdant lawn, and it was a perfect timeline of suburban life, and the cycle of obsolescence, and the fleeting nature of recreational dalliances outgrown.

And at the centerpiece of the tableau was this moving piece of art:


I'd have taken it home with me but I was Fred-cycling and I didn't fancy the notion of riding all the way home with a giant framed poster under one arm.

It would have wreaked havoc with my aerodynamics.

Indeed, this forsaken portrait served as a poignant metaphor for the relationship between pro cycling and its fans, especially on a weekend that saw the maillot jaune of the Tour de France doused in urine by a spectator:


“They threw it into my face and said dopé, like that,” Froome told ITV.

"It’s extremely wrong and on so many different levels, and I’m extremely disappointed about that. It’s not in the name of sport."

I couldn't agree more.  Furthermore, I strongly believe anyone caught throwing any kind of bodily fluid at a rider should be subject to the immediate administration of a "hot carl."  (Or, as they call it in France, a "charles chaud.")

Nevertheless, I don't think it's appropriate to blame the media, as Froome is doing:

"I think a lot of the reporting on the race has been very irresponsible and I blame those individuals for that. Those individuals know who they are," Froome continued.

This has nothing to do with reporters asking legitimate questions about Froome's athletic performance and everything to do with the fact that the vast majority of sports fans are mentally unhinged to begin with--especially the ones who are willing to travel to the ass-end of France and stand on the side of a road for nine hours just to watch a bunch of Freds ride by for fourteen seconds.

It's not fair to blame free speech for the actions of the mentally ill, like back in the '80s when they tried to blame everything on the rock and/or roll music:


Yes, while Al Gore was busy inventing the Internet, his wife Tipper was advancing the cultural agenda of the religious right.  Funny how everyone forgot about that, isn't it?  The PMRC was so evil that it took Dee Snyder, Frank Zappa, and motherfucking John Denver to stop it.  (Thank "god" they never recorded together, as that might have warranted censorship.)  Then Al reinvented himself as a left-wing environmental warrior, and the whole episode was melted ice cap water under the bridge.

Anyway, the point is that if you're a reasonable person it's not particularly difficult to simultaneously question Froome's performance and refrain from assaulting him with urine while he's working.  Indeed, it's important if not essential to remain skeptical in the 21st century, since you never know when a champion may be counterfeit--and the same goes for bicycles and components:


“The wheels just kind of fall apart,” said Chad Moore, the global brand manager for Mavic, a long-established wheel maker based in France. “It really just becomes an enormous safety issue for consumers.”

Wow, that sounds terrible.

Does the same thing happen to the fake Mavic?

Ba-dum-dum.

By the way, like everything else in cycling, it's all crabon's fault:

Counterfeits of prestigious bike brands have a long history. But in the era of steel or aluminum frames, the deception was usually obvious even to an unskilled eye. The frames were usually substantially heavier than those they were imitating, the workmanship immediately obvious as inferior.

Alas, now it's virtually impossible to tell the "genuine" outsourced misshapen plastic lumps from the counterfeit ones--except for the price tag, of course:

“There’s such a big gap — $400 a pair compared to $2,000 a pair for wheels — I’d be surprised if buyers didn’t know that they’re counterfeit,” she said. “I would hope that the more educated ones would realize that the quality is not the same.”

Actually, the more educated riders wouldn't buy a $2,000 wheelset or a $400 knockoff, since they know that for the price of a counterfeit crabon wheel that will self-destruct you can build one out of metal that will last roughly forever.

Here's something else educated riders know, which is that helme(n)ts generally don't do much to keep you from impaling your neck on a wrought-iron fence:


The 41-year-old man was riding northwest in the bike lane of Woodward Avenue shortly before noon when he hit a pothole near Stockholm Street, fell, and hit his head, cops said. He rose to his feet, only to stumble at the sidewalk and fall again, this time skewering his neck on the fence in front of 380 Woodward Ave.

Wait for it...

Paramedics "managed to extricate him" and drove him to Wyckoff Heights Medical Center in stable condition, according to an NYPD spokeswoman. The spokeswoman said she did not have information about whether the cyclist was wearing a helmet. A witness the Daily News spoke to called the crash's aftermath "the most gruesome, weird thing I have ever seen."

Wow.  I was surprised to read that in this particular publication.  Even the original Daily News article doesn't mention helme(n)ts, and the tabloids hate bikes!

Nevertheless, various people on stupid Twitter defended the helme(n)t speculation, pointing out that the rider may have skewered himself because he was disoriented after sustaining a blow to the head.

Please.

Firstly, if you run into a pothole and hit your head, you're going to be pretty goddamn out of it regardless of whether or not you're wearing a hunk of EPS on your head.  Secondly, if anything, it's probably better in this situation not to wear a helme(n)t.  See, at least with a bare head you might be knocked out cold and stay where you are, whereas with the brain bucket you're able to get back on your feet, at which point you stumble around like Frank the Tank until you fall into a swimming pool--or onto an iron fence as the case may be.

Speaking of helme(n)ts, Stevil of All Hail the Black Market both alerted me to and wrote about the following article concerning Seattle and its stupid helme(n)t law:


Yes, it would appear that over half the cycling infraction tickets in Seattle are the work of one cop busting people for not wearing plastic yarmulkes:

Last year, Mulkey wrote a little more than half of all cycling-infraction tickets issued in Seattle. Most of those were for noncompliance with the county’s helmet law.

Amazing.  A city where marijuana is legal, yet you can't ride a bicycle without strapping a buoy onto your head.

Only in America.

By the way, lawmakers are always putting forth helme(n)ts as a panacea for all cycling injuries, but has anyone fully explored the connection between helme(n)t law enforcement and child molestation?

But since that year, nearly 2,500 bike-helmet tickets have been issued in Seattle. Officer Mulkey and two other officers — Eric Smith and Kenneth Ashurst — wrote two-thirds of the citations between them. (Smith, now “retired-in-lieu-of-termination,” was charged with child molestation in 2014.)

If every time we get hurt while riding people ask, "Was the cyclist wearing a helmet?" then I say that every time a police officer writes a ticket we get to ask, "Was the officer a child molester?"

It's only fair.

117 comments:

Ted K. said...

AUTONOMY
42. Autonomy as a part of the power process may not be necessary for every individual. But most people need a greater or lesser degree of autonomy in working toward their goals. Their efforts must be undertaken on their own initiative and must be under their own direction and control. Yet most people do not have to exert this initiative, direction and control as single individuals. It is usually enough to act as a member of a SMALL group. Thus if half a dozen people discuss a goal among themselves and make a successful joint effort to attain that goal, their need for the power process will be served. But if they work under rigid orders handed down from above that leave them no room for autonomous decision and initiative, then their need for the power process will not be served. The same is true when decisions are made on a collective basis if the group making the collective decision is so large that the role of each individual is insignificant. [note 5 to follow]

wrench Monkey said...

Unnhh!

Astroluc said...

podium?

Anonymous said...

Bam!

Wrench Monkey said...

I totally won today; Ted K is just the robo lead.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Making the cut

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

I think WCRM is Ted K

BamaPhred said...

I'm confused about the detritus, but never mind. Enjoy your day.

dop said...

GAZ PROM
GAZ PACHO

Anonymous said...

Helmet rant and Zappa in one post - awesome makes my monday.

The whole PMRC thing made it impossible for me to ever like let alone vote for Mr. Gore. Even if the resulting warning labels were the best thing to ever happen to rap music.

dnk said...

Top Eleven?

Top 40?

Dick Clark?

P. Bateman said...

top...dang it.

I wonder if Charles Bronson will help that cyclist get revenge on that fence.

i think TedK honestly makes some good points.

i also think i'm supporting Trump - but mostly just because i know that would just cause a lot of people to absolutely lose their minds. will be a nice payback for hope/change.

Top said...

Punched in the ribs

Anonymous said...

You win. I looked up hot carl. Mistake.

McFly said...

I don't see what all the hooplah is about.

Froome has been finishing a lot of stages in yellow lately. Plus I thought the TDF was supposed to be a rolling SHIT SHOW.

JLRB said...

I actually watched most of yesterday's touredeblahblah recorded - it just is not a good tv sport, or spectator sport in any way, unless you have some extra piss laying about... Those MSNBC boys sure do try their hardest to make it something that it is not, but it is a fool's errand

JLRB said...

And the bike exchange thing with wheelie boy after the descent made me realize - I want someone to follow me to work, and once I leave the burbs and MUPS and enter the city streets I want them to switch out my Fred chariot for a swept back bar upright styled beik like Babs boss so prefers. Someone kickstart that.

Spokey said...

top twentyus

but i'm heading out early today myself. already in the 80s in this flatulence fueled heatwave. would you people cut down on the burritos please.

Anonymous said...

Dick York? Dick Sergeant?

Spokey said...


how 'bout this?

just for fun we all wear our healments for a while. let's see happens when drivers continue to assault cyclists with their deadly weapons. what will the tabloids blame the accidents on then? once we know, youse all can take your healments off again.

Maynard G Krebs said...

Didn't you mean dick Elizabeth Montgomery?

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

OK I made it. Where are the drinks at ?

vsk

NYCHighwheeler said...

PORN WARS

Ahh Frank Zappa! We need him now more then ever!

Fergie

DB said...

Excellent posting today!
Frank the Tank.
Nice.

DB said...

Sharknado Three Wednesday night.
Clearing calendar now.

Raymond Poulidor said...

SAGAN! SAGAN! SAGAN!

Anonymous Raymond Poulidor said...

Putain, pas nouveau.

benDE said...

I'm pretty sure 'was the cop a child molester' is never going to play out as a good response to anything, ever.

But maybe I'm just getting old and my sarcasm is suffering accordingly. I'll pass this on to the boy and see how he makes out with it.

benDE said...

'makes out with it'? Is this even an expression? Man, I've lost all that wonderful American culture living here in this Socialist paradise.

Rain Rain Go Away... said...

Babs has a bad rib, and didn't Adam give up a rib so Babble could have legs or something like that, isn't that in the Bible? But Adam wasn't Canadian, he was Edenish, so could I have the story wrong. Here in drought stricken S. Califuna we had rains of epic proportions Saturday and lots more on Sunday. Fortunately we do have lots of stuff on draught though. Saturday I looked out the window and Noah's Ark went floating by, so I thought better of the idea of going for a ride. I love the beach advisories, as in "don't go in the water, after it rains". Runoff is full of agricultural pesticides (and lots of other nasty stuff too), so it's OK to put pesticides foods while their growing, and then people put them inside of themselves via eating, but don't swim in them. But who am I to wonder about all of this? Stay thirsty my friends.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

If tipper looked like Elizabeth Montgomery, then that hard-as to her left had to be Agnes Morehead. Looks to me like she never gave any head.

Freddy Murcks said...

They should change the name of the Charles De Gaulle Airport to the "Charles Chaud Airport." That'd about accurately describe the joy of having to fly into or out of (and inevitably be subjected to an unplanned layover at) that fucking shitbox.

Less TdF Riding, More Podium Babes said...

TdF, I love the flat stages where nothing really happens until the last 30 seconds or so. But Phil L tries to create drama where there is none "Team Blah Blah has moved to the front, maybe their setting up their guy Blah Blah for the win." Well Phil, the reality is it's 60 K to the finish and all Team Blah Blah is doing is taking a turn in cutting through the air, but more importantly getting their sponsor on TV.

Anonymous said...

POC "Looks to me like she never gave any head." Tipper? Odds Hillary never gave head, other than in college, 100-1.

Freddy Murcks said...

Clearly Officer Eric Smith was using helme(n)t infractions as a pretext to stop and harass children and to groom them as good molestation targets. There you have your direct connection between helme(n)t laws and child molestation. Also, everybody knows that if little Johnny is not wearing a helme(n)t he is much less likely to have helicopter parents watching his every move, which Officer Smith probably ascertained is likely to mean that little Johnny can be felt up with impunity.

crosspalms said...

God doesn't hate contraception, he just doesn't think he should have to pay for it. Or get looked at funny in the drugstore.

Glory said...

Tipper Gore overheard her daughter listening to Prince's Darling Nikki and went on her parental-advisory bender. Which is one more great thing about Prince.

Bryan said...

Well dang, I guess I actually have to work now that I have been thoroughly entertained by this mornings post! Stay cool and hydrated out there, people - it's a scorcher.

CommieCanuck said...

Nice story 'brah, but Chris Froome is completely full of shit (plien de poopage). He's yelling at the press for being out of touch with this CLEAN generation but it's all the same denial as Lance Pharmstrong, and I'm betting the whole french pee story is just made up for sympathy, or some American fan threw Budweiser on him.

They also rode by the small town of Pissay on that stage, a quaint medieval village that still enjoys the tradition of urine tossing as a sign of respect.

I'm sure Velonews will have some Zinn articles about the corrosion properties of urine on crabon and Rapha will be selling urine-proof bib-shorts (Pee-Free) within a month.
Meanwhile, everyone noticed at the top of the Pyrenees that Froome's vroome bike did not get checked by the UCI for motors, just like they never checked Lance's pee. So, electric motor is the new EPO.

Y'all shore got a nice healment on ya boy.

PERV VERT

bieks said...

I believe what the disgruntled fan administered to Froome is referred to as a:

Charles Douche

bieks said...

A better statement in the impaling article, would be:

The cyclist was not wearing a Hovding

Even a defective Hovding would provide you with some neck protection.

For the record, I broke my foot once, despite wearing a helment. What gives? I demanded a refund.

Spokey said...


it's already pretty hot today. actually came back a little lightheaded. it was already in the 80s by 0930.

'course that might be because i went out so early that i had only downed one cup of coffee at that point.

BikeSnobNYC said...

bieks,

Hilariously, the Hovding would have been punctured by the fence.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Hell Yeah, TED K., HELL YEAH!!

dop said...

Officer 'cough' Smith should be commended for daring to address the scourge of pre-teen hernias.

Roille Figners said...

You know if you think about it there's something that oddly just makes a lot of sense about how a cop who writes tons of healemenette tickets is a child molester. The other two presumably just haven't been caught yet.

Also: fuck gazpacho. Tried it, and it sucks. Fuck it to hell.

Anonymous said...

Gold! Gold, sir.

Oral Robert said...

Mrs I invented the internet looks like she is fixing to deep throat the microphone and the hardass looks like she wants to.

Anonymous said...

Tipper's friend there is an olde timey dominatrix - training Tipper up to make Al the subordinate that he is today.

dop said...

OK, he wasn't fondling for hernias; he just wanted to be sure everyone was wearing a cup.

bieks said...

Snob, I was more thinking of the giant collar on the Hovding, but I have no idea how much of it is left when it deploys. Maybe a defective one would be better in an impaling situation. I can't even start to count the number of times I've almost impaled my neck! I mean, I could state the number of times, but I'm not sure it's possible to count to zero.

JLRB said...

This Comment has been Tipper Stickered

Anonymous said...

I heard she got the nickname Tipper in college because the Phi Beta boys said she focused solely on the tip and really worked it over something fierce.

Anonymous said...

PORN ROCK

Dooth said...

I'm thinking about that poem where so much depends on a wheelbarrow only substitute helment for wheelbarrow.

WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS said...

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

BamaPhred said...

Snob must have been in a rush to get out today, cause he certainly could have used his photoshop drawing skilz to draw a wang in Tipper's right hand

bieks said...

Oddly, my takeaway from this story was "bikes pay tolls in Florida?". Is this a common thing in Canada's coin receptacle?

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

I just read the Wiki on Tipper Gore ( At least I'm getting paid to do it!!!). I says she's E-PISS-copalian. I wonder if SHE was anywhere near Froome yesterday???

Biki said...

Do you know a TdF spectator was badly burnt after being doused by Froome's urine ?

http://www.legorafi.fr/2015/07/20/tour-de-france-un-spectateur-gravement-brule-apres-que-chris-froome-lui-a-jete-son-urine-au-visage/

dop said...

or as he wrote for his wife....

Your thighs are apple trees whose blossoms touch the sky



those Jersey guys know how to impress the ladies

Spokey said...

had a boss once who was in a group of several cyclists that blew through a tool booth. it was somewhere in southern nj (perhaps below that mason jar / dixon line). a mile or two down the road, the police lights glaring and sirens wailing brought their crime spree to a sudden halt. if i recollect right, they were allowed to ride back to the tool booth and pay their debt to society.

Anonymous said...

Nothing like a little wife swapping.

Anonymous said...

Well, sure, if it's beside some white chickens, sure.

Pierce said...

If you don't ride aggressively then you will end up on defence.

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

CC/1216 "...some American fan threw Budweiser on him." Priceless, just priceless!

Here in S. Cali we get the pleasure, no, not from Tipper, of having hundreds of brewery choices (San Diego County alone has 109 breweries and counting). I was in a bar one night that had an entire blackboard wall of craft ale choices; I'm scanning the list and in the middle I see "Budweiser", I do a WTF double take and see that under Budweiser is written "sort of like beer".

Where is Ms. Babs today, having her rib examined no doubt by some young handsome socialized medicine doctor no doubt.

Grump said...

Snobby, you missed the obvious truth about the "urine in the face" story. The spectator was just passing Froome a "clean" sample of urine, when the top came off the urine sample cup. As Froome went past the culprit, he was heard to say..."urine idiot".

Spokey said...


i like froomie. gonna be upset when he is found to be dopey. or sneezy or sleepy. unless of course it is all vodka & cokes. then it's alright.

Jack Daniels said...

vodka & cokes?

Jack Daniels said...

...that ain't all right.

Spokey said...


easier to swill all night than that honey jack. any more than two shots of that and i'm pukin the rest of the night away and preying to the porcelain god.

Skull Duggery said...

I think that the cyclist was actually a pedestrian at the time of impalement, so then, should pedestrians be vilified as well for not having donned protective headgear if they happen suffer a mishap?

Anonymous said...

Ah! That's why Froome was so pissed...

Jack Daniel said...

I don't know 'bout nuthing called "honey jack."

I made whiskey.

Anonymous said...

I think just cavalierly writing that a guy is doping regardless of whether or not you have any real clue might be construed as irresponsible journalism.

Spokey said...

https://www.thewhiskyexchange.com/P-14945.aspx

DB said...

I helped a friend bartend an over the top wedding this weekend. They live in NYC, family from Las Vegas and NY, NJ. Thought they'd meet in the middle which was Iowa. Great venue, beautiful farm, money no object.
40% vodka tonics, 40% dirty martinis, 10% Captain and Cokes and the remainder was gin, scotch, bellinis.
'Course it was hotter than hell, maybe if it was cooler they'd be drinking something else. Had separate beer and wine station, didn't have to deal with that.
Few calls for Honey Jack and Malibu but bride didn't want supplied.

JLRB said...

Piss on it: "Stat of the day: 3. The number of riders, including Plaza, who were each fined 50 Swiss francs (about $52) for ''improper behavior in public (urinating),'' according to a statement from race officials."

CommieCanuck said...

I think just cavalierly reporting hero tactics on mountains with no critical thinking is exactly what's been going on for the last decade.
The data clearly show Froome is matching the climbing speeds of all the famous dopers before him. No one trusts the UCI or the drug labs any more, thank Lance for that.

I feel like Phil Connors in Groundhog day repeating conversations every July until I hopefully get laid by a 1993-era Andie MacDowell.
I don't think I've had deja vue, but I could check with the kitchen.

William Tell said...

"...fined 50 Swiss francs..."

When were the riders in Switzerland today?

Or are Swiss officials so up-tight they fine you if you break their rules in another county?

To Be Fair said...

"The data clearly show Froome is matching the climbing speeds of all the famous dopers before him."

He finished ahead of the other contenders once so far. Not that they all couldn't be doping...

Comment deleted said...

Shockingly, Frank and Tipper became quite friendly after the PMRC hearings. He even went so far as to say good things about her in his autobiography.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...after my accident, i was repeatedly asked if i was wearing a helment by everyone. when i'd point out that the damn thing would not have done a thing for my broken shoulder or shattered hand they reacts as if i'm still stupid for not donning the foam turban.

babble on said...

Mr Beaver... as lovely as that sounds, there is no need! The healing is underway. Just back from an interview... hopefully one day soon I will again be holding down a real job.

And speaking of jobs, dem dere TdF riders have a pretty amazing professional life, but I guess even they have a hard day at the office sometimes. I mean, come on. No wonder Froomedog is seriously pissed off; not much in the way of insults can hold a candle to being pissed on. Crashes are one thing, but really!?!? Yuck. That's totally ewwwwwwww. Er, unless you're into that sort of thing...

Roille Figners said...

Hey Serial - I was thinking about your ordeal on my way to work. I forget what it was that got me thinking on that, instead of about murdering people like usual, but presumably it was driver behavior as usual. Anyway, do I take it that the hospital insisted you had insurance squared away before they would schedule a needed operation? And that therefore they are the ones who sort of screwed you out of your legal right of redress?

Dooth said...

So much depends
Upon

A styrofoam
Helment

Caked in sweat
Stains

Because the media
Is clueless

Anonymous said...

I'm a lifelong helmet wearer, cabrón dodger, only ever fucked my sisters and never once beat off to a pic of Tipper Gore. If that alone doesn't get me into Heaven maybe dying under the SUV of some smartphone-obsessed bitch will.

bad boy of the north said...

went for ride this morn,before the major heat revealed itself.on the way there is a nice little café.stopped for a bite to eat...ordered what I like they make then sat down to see if there was a new post from sir snob.as I waited for my order, I nearly fell off my chair from laughter after I saw today's title.what did I order before I saw today's title?gazpacho....thanks,best chilled salsa out there.stay cool out there.
I had to pick between pasta or noodles.

Freddy Murcks said...

GAZPACHO (Definitely safe for work, unless your employer has a no YouTube policy)

Grammaw said...

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Anonymous said...

91

Anonymous said...

92

Anonymous said...

93

Anonymous said...

94

Anonymous said...

95

Anonymous said...

96

Anonymous said...

I

Anonymous said...

Think

Anonymous said...

I

Spokey said...


wowsal

a mondaze century

will wonders never cease

BamaPhred said...

Can

BamaPhred said...

Or Can't!
Congrats
Breaking out my excuses now, slow capthca, had to do it twice, Tipper made me say pease etc etc

Spokey said...

that's ok

i was totally lurking just to irritate ted

Dave said...

This will be an interesting experiment to watch - Paris, already a really nice place to ride a bike, as big cities go, now decriminalizing bikers running red lights. Anomalous outbreak of common sense, soon to be utterly obliterated, or harbinger of better civilization in the distant future?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2097882/Paris-allow-cyclists-run-red-lights-bid-cut-accidents.html

Also of course I am engrossed in the Trump Saga. Will he veer away from pissing on living Republican 'heroes'? Safer to go after the departed: "Reagan - that hack actor, doddering decrepit dickhead, slept through his term, ruined America..." or: "Lincoln - that beanpole nincompoop, bleeding heart abolitionist, and a creepy damned beard to boot, killed the economy, ruined America..." He'd be the perfect Colorful VEEP, eclipsing Agnew.

I'm not a robot (probably) but Trump very well might be - built and programmed by the Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy just to rot out the heart of the GOP.

Honeycut said...

Pierce??! Izzatt YOU??

HAAAAAAAhahaha De fence? On de fence?

Snigger...

Dayum, I almost missed yer fence post.

Anonymous said...

Aren't most "cyclists" also "drivers"? Or is there a sub class of Human People called Cycle Drivers?

babble on said...

Heh. "Oh what misery these iron pilings hath wrought!" sez Don Draper's dumb cousin, on Ex-LAX.

VPQC said...

Impaled cyclist should have been wearing a Victorian Ruff collar. http://www.artres.com/Doc/ART/Media/TR3/S/K/Y/G/ART393283.jpg

David Pearce said...

A-Frooming we will go/
A-Frooming we will go!/
Hi-Ho, the Merry-O,
A-Frooming we will go!

A stroke of luck that Froome was hit with urine while he was leading the Tour de France. Imagine the same scenario if he was leading the Giro d'Italia: I don't know that pink with yellow highlights would be a good color combo. (Or maybe it would.)

I started streaming "Marco Pantani: The Accidental Death of a Cyclist" via Netflix yesterday, and I'm pretty sure I remember Bike Snob's opinion of Pantani's drug problems and death weren't too complementary.

Pantani was "short", and since I have a "short guy" chip on my shoulder, I took some solace in that. But it doesn't bring much satisfaction: It is invariable that any actor (except Danny DeVito) or any athlete who is called "short" is at least 3 inches taller than me. Jason Alexander is 5'6" and he's "short". Great! Thanks, Jason. You know what I'd give to be even 5'6"??!!

No doubt "short" athlete Marco Pantani had at least 3 inches on me. At least he had a small bike, like me. Where the top and down tubes meet in a less than beautiful "V", and the head tub is unnaturally constricted. And I'm proud, on the other hand, that I have at least 50 pounds on him. Not.

I don't care! You can see I'm not bitter! I'm ahead of all you fuckers! I think it's just fabulous that life sentences us to become shorter and wider, the longer we live! I've got good, road-hugging weight on me! Soon, I'll just be a circular blob, as I ooze up and down the sidewalk each morning to buy my Daily News.

So Pantani was small and light, and had god-given legs and god-given talent to turn over those pedals on the climbs. God bless him. He's dead and I'm still "living", so I win.

**************
But after all the juvenile ranting above, I really have been thinking seriously about race culture, and coming out more and more to not particularly liking race culture. Racers are different than you and me. Whose to blame here? The fans? The Sponsors? The teams? The riders?

I used to think I was like the racers: No, I was not an athlete, but with some concerted training on my part, and a good bike, says I, I could ride up the Pyranees or the Alps. Yes, I might be last. Strike that. Yes, I would be last, but at least I could at do it. And maybe I can do it, and I would very much like to, but not at racing speed.

Thinking about it, however, racing up mountains is IRRATIONAL, and turns what should be a pleasure into a tortuous job. And one that begs for concealed enhancements to give one racer the edge over his rival. And leads to the implosion of all the Tom Simpsons and Marco Pantanis and so many other racers. What early racer of the 30s or 20s compared being on a racing team to being a dog?

I like the blog "Off the Beaten Path", and I like the randonneuring idea better than the racing idea, but I still can't quite (yet) see myself to committing to a challenge of riding all day and all night, but I think it's better than the pure racing theme. And I prefer the newspaper courier races of old in France, as opposed to the pure racing for time.

Mostly, I just like bicycling for simple transportation, and to hell with the racing.

leroy said...

My dog assures me that calculating temperature using a heat index is like calculating age using dog years: the results are a bit skewed.

Still, afternoon ride in 103 degree heat index a bit warm. Fortunately, you always get a breeze when riding. It's only hot when you stop.

There's a lesson in there somewhere.

McFly said...

The boys are having a rest day in Gap. Who among doesn't like a little downtime in Gap. Gap is a welcoming sanctuary nestled in the low valley of a beautiful setting. Even though Sagan got sloppy seconds in Gap he is still OK with that. As he should be.

Anonymous said...

I think it should be mandatory that EVERYONE wear kilts.
And take drugs.
like bosses.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I would certainly wear a kilt. Might be comfortable in this heat. But I have to stick with shorts on the recumbent. Kilt would be problematic.

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