Monday, April 27, 2015

Sorry I'm late, the alarm on my Apple Watch didn't go off, then I realized it was just an apple.

Hello.

During the course of this week you can expect increasingly fervent reminders concerning my presence at Bike Expo New York:


(Why is he trying to lick his front tire?)

I'll be at the Walz booth at the following times:

--Friday May 1st, 12pm-2pm;
--Saturday May 2nd, 12pm-2pm.

The first 12 visitors on each day get a free limited edition collectible cap that will be worth thousands of dollars if I sign it and millions if I don't.

Also, I'll be "leading" a ride down to the Expo on Saturday.  Let's meet at Indian Road Café in Inwood at 10am.  I'll have 12 caps to give away there too.

And since I plan to ride in the morning before that anyway, if anyone wants to join me for a super-secret early morning ride just email me with the subject "I WANT TO GO ON THE SUPER-SECRET EARLY MORNING RIDE!!!" and we'll set up a meeting place.  (Email address is in the profile in the right margin.)  Plan on a civil, loping, stretchy-clothes-and-clicky-shoes ride of about two hours which will be decidedly non-epic apart from the fact we'll almost certainly ride on some dirt at some point.  We'll finish up at the Indian Road Café, and if you want to continue on to the Expo then great.

All of this is subject to change owing to weather, blogger whims, or acts of Lob.

Speaking of riding bicycles for purely recreational purposes, this past weekend I rode an all-terrain bicycle:


This was the first time in 2015 I've ridden such a bike without a solid layer of snow and ice between my tires and the earth:


See, I don't do shit when it comes to helping maintain the mountain bike trails, so I figure the least I can do is wait until they've thawed and drained before using them:


As for the dried mud on the downtube, that's from sometime last year.  In fact, this past January before the snow hit I had one wheel of this bike out the door for a ride when my latest child announced his imminent arrival and we had to pile into THE CAR THE BANK OWNS UNTIL I FINISH PAYING THEM BACK and head right to the hospital.  I barely had a chance to put on proper pants, let alone clean my bicycle before putting it into hibernation.

I mean, it's not like I would have cleaned the bike anyway, but at least it's an excuse.

Anyway, it was profoundly enjoyable to finally engage in non-snowy fair weather all-terrain cycling again (especially astride a custom artisanal bicycle), though the first mountain bike ride of the year is invariably like drunken coitus: you throw yourself into it way too eagerly, you're incredibly sloppy, and before you know it you wind up asleep in a bush.

Of course, recreation aside, bicycles can also be useful tools for transportation, especially when combined with public transit.  For example, last week I used a Big Dummy to bring one of my kids to school (I don't even know which kid, they're like bikes, I just grab one and go), then I ditched it on the sidewalk (the bike I mean) and hopped a train:


Then, while I was in the Manhattan/Brooklyn Bike Share Hyper-Gentrification Zone, I grabbed a Citi Bike, where a professional Cat 6 very nearly put the ol' wheel chop on me:


By the end of the day I'd been on two (2) bikes, two (2) commuter trains, and two (2) subway trains, and I'd fulfilled various responsibilities and obligations along the way.  See, that's what the smuggies call "multi-modal," and the ability to operate this way is one of the relatively few things that makes New York City livable.  Indeed, as I flitted about that day I thought about that New York Times cargo bike article, which had just "dropped," and which I wrote about on Friday.  In particular, I thought about the doofus who dismissed the subway as an "ordeal," and I wondered why there's this notion that you have to pledge allegiance to a single mode of transportation and then sever all your ties to everything else.  People would have you believe there's no middle ground between carrying a MetroCard and being one of those people who wears a cycling cap at all times, but he fact is that with a little forethought and a judicious mix of vehicles and fare cards you can fine-tune your commute here pretty well.

Though now that I've pointed this out the Times will run a supremely annoying article about "multi-modal millennials" under the headline "The Commute, Curated."

I will give the Times one thing though, which is that they were dead right about how much rich people love cargo bikes.  This past weekend I was knocking around West Village and I saw all manner of smug-tastic washtubs on wheels:


Between the protected bike lane in the background and the human-powered stroller you'd be forgiven for thinking that New York City was indeed the most bike-friendly city in America--and hey, maybe it is, assuming you can afford to live in a neighborhood where they've got that kind of bike infrastructure.

Try riding that bad boy on Queens Boulevard and report back to me.

(And no, that's not a criticism of cargo bikes, that's a criticism of New York.)

Meanwhile, I was perusing Twitter when I noticed this tweet from Cadel "Excuse Supreme" Evans:
I realize I occupy the maturity level of a seventh grader, but "swapping off like keen juniors" sounds fairly lurid to me.  Maybe that's normal Australian English, but here in Canada's butt zit almost everything sounds dirty if you put the word "off" after it.  This is why "swapping off" sounds like something you'd do furtively in the bathroom--and why, by proxy, "Keen Juniors" sounds like an adult film.  (Plus, we all know a "Gran Fondo" is a kind of hot tub.)

On top of it all, note the number of "favorites" it had when it appeared on my smartphone:


Sorry, I take back what I said before.

I have the maturity level of a sixth grader.

In any case, Hincapie looks pretty happy in the accompanying photo, but there's one retired pro who was none too pleased:

It's not a party without the Cipo.

72 comments:

Anonymous said...

PORT LAND

Anonymous said...

First! I'd like to thank....

Seattle lone wolf said...

Third?

Spokey said...

topus fivus

yes i have no life

Ted K said...

2. The industrial-technological system may survive or it may break down. If it survives, it MAY eventually achieve a low level of physical and psychological suffering, but only after passing through a long and very painful period of adjustment and only at the cost of permanently reducing human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. Furthermore, if the system survives, the consequences will be inevitable: There is no way of reforming or modifying the system so as to prevent it from depriving people of dignity and autonomy.

Ricochet said...

My Scranus is bleeding

Ill Clinton said...

All those bike porn shots of your ride on the road/urban freedom trail, could lead the sane person to ask, DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH THAT BIKE?

ken e. said...

office plebe racing is go!

Anonymous said...

You'll be at the bike expo drooling over overpriced new crabon. The cool kids will be at the Lehigh Valley Velodrome for the bike swap.

I'm the skinny old guy with the white beard. See you there.

cycle

Sigmund Fried said...

Posted this earlier today. Moved it to today's blog post because it is germane to understanding the complex velofreak that is BSNYC. And yes, back in the day he did all of his own stunts ...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-7pgeD__qU

Paul Thober said...

Love all the photos of "my bike leaning against random shit".

"...smug-tastic washtubs on wheells..." is a gem.

Anonymous said...

"...skinny old guy with the white beard."

Wait a minute. I'm the skinny old guy with the white beard.

Hee Haw the Barista said...

SMUG N'OFF

Ben D said...

I thought I had climbed to the top of the greasy pole

Anonymous said...

posting lateness allows wle to be #14...
still in double digits..

wle

The King of Park Slope said...

The manifesto posts are the bomb ... can't wait to see the explosive ending.

McFly said...

I have never licked my front wheel but I did try removing a leaf from it while mountain biking.
That "leaf" was deershit.

Going Down said...

Cipo + 69, must involve Babble in both directions.

grog said...

Serpent said go ahead and eat that apple watch. Well I'll be damned.
NICE PICS today

crosspalms said...

Leroy,
On my ride home the other night, I passed a woman who was walking her dog, and I overheard her say to it, "Do you have to sniff everything?"

Anonymous said...

Josh was here

Craig Richards said...

I saw a man on a motorized bicycle pulling a veritable Conestoga wagon of children the other day. The engine was some goofy kit and it hardly worked. I crossed the street faster than it took the motor-coach to cross the intersection. Homeboy would have been better off on a cargo bike. Also had he been on one instead he could have continued smoking that cigarette without the smoke going in the faces of his children.

Clinton Law & 24/7/365 Deposit Only ATM franchise said...

bsnyc did NOT have sex with that bike!

balls™ said...

Here I am at my full-time job, reading about some guy riding his bike because I can't ride mine. I wish I was living the life of a part-time semiprofessional bike-blogger. I really do.

I am the idiot. Me and Cipo.

Clinton Law & 24/7/365 Deposit Only ATM franchise said...

What! The Signorina bicycle? She's a slut! So having sex with her doesn't count. Snob is a man! Just a man!

Alejandro Valverde said...

Buenos días!

Name said...

Hey, there is Drag Bingo at the Indian Road Cafe!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice read today. This very well may be the world's greatest multi-modal bike blog. Or at least it would be with more recumbabe.

leroy said...

I wore my BSNYC woo-hoo speed jersey this morning for the first time. Very comfortable. Had to cover it with a fat cyclist wool jersey though.

My dog observed that black is slimming... for most people.

You'd think he'd be nicer given that he had to borrow bail money this weekend.

Grump said...

Snobby, when you mentioned cargo bikes, it reminded me that I have yet to see one of those, here in the left arm pit of suburban Chicago. Not only cargo bikes, but same goes for single speed/fixed geared bikes. I guess that it proves that I need to move to a more "hip" neighborhood.
Speaking of "hip" neighborhoods, a week ago, I got back from a classic "family vacation". I spent some time in Flagstaff Az, and discovered that it's a hotbed of "Hip" culture. In the first 24 hours, I sighted at least 10 people on one brake or no brake single speed bikes. Since the population of Flagstaff is only 79, I was speechless at this sight.


BamaPhred said...

I must admit that the best thing about my "46 Series" jersey is the generous amount of fabric to at least partially camouflage my own personal "tub" on wheels

settinemstraight said...

cipos on another roid rage look out his pecks are going to cut your eyeballs out!

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Crosspalms @1:19 pm --

I think I saw them too.

Dear Mr. K @ 12:53 pm --

My dog asked me to point out that you may have 5th comment today, but you have the podium for the first BSNYC comment TED Talk. He says you da bomb. At least, I think that's what he said.

1983 David Byrne said...

Hold tight - wait til the party's over!

S said...

eating pussy...

Dr Green said...

Not for nothing check out the honking chain and lock on the "smug-tastic child hauler! It must have come off a retired naval ship. Maybe all you city slickers have anchor chains for bike locks?

bieks said...

(Why is he trying to lick his front tire?)

"Hey! Free gum!"

What's the polkadot sign behind the covered wagon / cargo bike? Does it indicate Strava KoM points ahead?

Mr. Literal said...

” What's the polkadot sign behind the covered wagon / cargo bike? Does it indicate Strava KoM points ahead?”
No, it is an OM1-1

DB said...

Leroy's Dog:
Took my dog for the annual financial hemorrhaging at the veterinarian.
Flea and tick stuff, $122. Assorted vaccinations and physical, $175. My favorite, the Fecal Flotation, $22.
I'm thinking the Affordable Care Act should expand to pets. We can call it LeroysDogCare.

Anonymous said...

Save space and just call it #MMAF (Multi-Modal As Fuck)

Larry Light Loafers said...

Snob. I'm into taking bike porn shots of my bike too. Do you take the time to sniff the bike seat? Nothing like the essence of ones own self let run free to thrill the senses.

Spencer said...

Maka sure u invitea da Mario ona Friday!

dop said...

After a lady stands up and leaves the room, I like to sit on the nice warm chair she vacated.

leroy said...

DB --

$22 for a Fecal Flotation?

Well that explains my dog's recurring excuse for borrowing money.

He claims he tried to drown his sorrows, but they learned to float.

DB said...

Ha!
Enjoy Kareoke night and watch out for the coyotes.

Sorry I won't be able to meet everyone at the Bike Expo and Epic Snob Ride.
Photos and Stories, please.

Anonymous said...

I drive my car into Raleigh with a car hat that I then use to get around. Is that technically multi-modal? I must admit that it makes me feel like I'm letting everyone down. I just don't want to pay for parking.

bieks said...

Mr. Literal, good thing there's no 'Shopping Cart' on that site or you'd be enabling the Stravatisti.

bad boy of the north said...

thanks for almost "shout out".

Anonymous said...

Ant1st blows goats.

Anonymous said...

Nice finish Rockcrusher.

I like the first comment PORTLAND, instead of the usual dumb 1st comment alluding to the fact that they have the first comment. Writing 'podium' or something similar is just as dumb. We need to step it up in the comments section.

babble on said...

What, like maybe we should follow your high minded lead and instead spend our time repeatedly complaining about the long standing tradition of being the first to comment on Snobi Wan's daily offerings? Nice.

Anonymous said...

i forgot today's topic

babble on said...

Lol! And of course I can proof read, even though I don't.

Celebrating. The long standing tradition of celebrating being the first to comment, etc etc.

Speaking of stepping it up... :)

babble on said...

I WANT TO GO ON THE SUPER SECRET EARLY MORNING RIDE!!!

Mike Godwin said...

You know the Nazis had long standing traditions. (Longer then this blog has been in existence.)

Anonymous said...

"Larry Light Loafers said...
Snob. I'm into taking bike porn shots of my bike too. Do you take the time to sniff the bike seat? Nothing like the essence of ones own self let run free to thrill the senses."

i did that when i was younger but had to stop on account of i can't run that fast anymore.

crosspalms said...

What, they never sat down?

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

I'm tired. I spent all day saturday wrenching a dozen mountainbikes for boy scouts so that next saturday they can crash them into trees. Boy scouts are spazzes.

Dooth said...

I'm so sorry that I can't make the super secret ride. I'll be at a college graduation in the Midwest. Have fun swapping off without me.

stinger said...

my downtube has been, and will always be, covered in dirt. like rock strata, the layers are to be analyzed in the future to reveal soils from the great epics, like a fossil record. of course, the drivetrain, pivots, stanchions, and king headset are spotless.

Alan said...

Yo bilk snab, get ready for cargo bikes on Queens Boulevard:
http://www.streetsblog.org/2015/03/31/boulevard-of-life-phase-1-dot-will-add-protected-bike-lanes-to-queens-blvd/

Spokey said...

alas no epic ride for me. i'll be at the central jersey biek club farmland ride.

http://www.cjbc.org/

done this every year for years now. they give you a cute picturesque jersey. a few years back started going and wearing one from 10 years prior so it gots to be a mineemum of 15 years. and already forked over me shekels so gots to go there now. that's why i also don't do the 5 boro. that is aside from the horror of going to nyc that is.

Anonymous said...

Babble: “And of course I can proof read, even though I don’t.”

Sweetheart, “proofread” is one word, not two.

Maybe you were making a joke, I don’t know?

In any case, love to you, and for you….

And that’s NOT a joke.

bieks said...

Rode to pick up my Kia from service today, folded up the bike, put it in the back and drove home.

Multi-modal clown biking/driving.

Anon 4:21 - 2008 called and they want their comment back.

1983 David Byrne said...

It's one word. Fightin' fire with fire!

dop said...

Podios & Centuries? I know a game of skill when I win one..


JLRB said...

Ok, so when Babs says She "WANTs TO GO ON THE SUPER SECRET EARLY MORNING RIDE!!!"

it takes on new meaning - or maybe its just me -

cue ZZ Top Woke up With Wood

Boston's Inferiority Complex said...

cargo bikes are last years smugness news in the Boston area - NYC is slipping...

babble on said...

JLRB - Lol! Right?!? Because early morning rides are always super. They're the very best kind of all.

And anonylovely@ 7:16 pm - oh bless. Thank you! It would have been far too subtle a joke for this girl. Silly Android autocorrect, truth be told.

Anonymous said...

Babble's previous comment was the 69th one.
Just sayin'.

ce said...

Snobbo, it appears there could be a simple engineering solution to reverse "Tridork Syndrome".

Nikki Wilkerson said...

Please post more on Cargo Bike Parking. I have no idea how to secure them to CityRacks and where they are allowed to be parked. Thanks for your awesome and helpful blog!