Friday, April 24, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Cargo bikes.

They're practical, they're efficient, and they're fun for the whole family.

Unfortunately, many of these families will make you wanna puke:

When Dave Hoverman, 38, a business strategy consultant in Berkeley, Calif., goes to Costco on the weekends, he ditches his Audi Q7 and instead loads his four children into a Cetma cargo bike with a trailer hitched to the rear.

“We do all sorts of errands on the bike,” Mr. Hoverman said. “We try not to get in the car all weekend.”

Right.

Firstly, if you're new to the world of smugness, "We try not to get in the car all weekend" means "We totally get in the car every weekend, we just know we're supposed to feel guilty about it when talking to reporters about our cargo bike."

20 bucks says he's got a "One Less Car" sticker on the bike to boot.

Secondly, I don't give a shit how you get to Costco, but if you're going to try not to use your car for whatever reason, why own one that costs FIFTY-FUCKING-THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?


It takes a special kind of arrogance to rationalize this sort of conspicuous consumption.  Do they think buying a car that costs more than a lot of people make in a year and then not using it is endearing somehow?  I suppose they also spend $500 on caviar and then try not to eat it, and have a $10,000 bed but do their best to sleep in the backyard.

Come on, spare us the guilt.  Most of us have no problem with your owning both a cargo bike and a car, and we'd respect you a hell of a lot more if you simply said, "Hey, the cargo bike's great, but so is the climate control and buttery leather interior of my Audi Q7."

Thirdly, leaving the car at home once in awhile is not ditching your car.  This is ditching your car:



Try that with your $50,000 German luxury car.  Then I'll be impressed.

This was also somewhat vexing:

Cargo bikes initially catered to the “hard-core D.I.Y. crowd — people who wanted to carry around really large objects like surfboards or big speakers or kayaks,” said Evan Lovett-Harris, the marketing director for Xtracycle, a company in Oakland, Calif., that introduced its first family-oriented cargo model, the EdgeRunner, in 2012. Cargo bikes, he said, now account for the largest proportion of the company’s sales.

“When we first started selling these bikes 15 years ago, we were the total freako weirdos,” said Ross Evans, the company’s founder. “Back then, a basket on your handlebars was considered fringe.”

Okay.  I love Xtracycle.  I have an Xtracycle.  (Well, a Big Dummy, but same thing.)  But at no point in bicycle history anywhere on the planet was this considered "fringe:"



Timeless?  Charming?  Precious?  Sure.  But not fringe.

This is fringe:


("Look at me, Mom and Dad.  LOOK AT ME!!!")

Surprisingly, it takes the article about self-important smuggies ten whole paragraphs before it starts talking about Brooklyn:

Cargo bikes are making inroads into New York, too. It is not unusual to see them parked outside Whole Foods in Gowanus, Brooklyn, or Union Market in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn.

Yes, or really any place overpriced groceries are sold.

“It’s such a great transaction because here’s this family that’s ditching the car and transforming itself, and you get to be a part of that,” he said. “I love when the kids come in and jump all over the bikes.” (When parents show up without children, he lets them test-ride bikes with sandbags.)

Here we go, ditching the car again.  I don't doubt there are people out there who buy cargo bikes and then realize they don't need to buy a car, but I'll bet you the article of clothing of your choice that you can't find me five families in Brooklyn who had a car, then got a cargo bike, and then ditched (and by "ditched" I mean GOT RID OF) the car.  Sure, they'll talk your ear off about how they "never drive" the Outback anymore, but I promise you they're all keeping that goddamn car, because they can afford it.

I do like the sandbag thing though.  That's actually not a bad idea.  In fact, if only more parents spent a few years schlepping sandbags around as preparation before having kids the world would be a much better place.

But perhaps the most insufferable thing about cargo bike owners is the disdain they acquire for public transportation:

Manuel Toscano, 42, a design consultant who lives in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, commutes to his son’s preschool in Chinatown and his job in TriBeCa on a Bullitt bicycle. “Every time we tried to take the kid into the subway, it was an ordeal,” he said. “People don’t move or let you sit when you have a kid.”

“We finally decided we’d had enough,” he said. “The only sustainable way to have kids here is not to get in the subway.”

What?  Are you insane?!?  Sure, I realize that people in Williamsburg have a martyrdom complex about the L train, but come on.  I love my Big Dummy, but as a New York City parent I can assure you that if I had to decide between owning a cargo bike and having access to the subway system then I'd ghost ride the ol' "smugness flotilla" right into the river.  The subway is a goddamn lifesaver if you're a parent!  Hundreds of miles of routes, access to the far reaches of one of the greatest cities in the word, a flat fare of $2.75 (with free bus transfer)...and your preschool age kid rides free!!!  Sure, every now and then you might have to share a car with someone who's soiled himself, but as far as family transportation goes you can't beat that anywhere.

This is an established pattern in New York City though: enroll your young child in a school in a completely different neighborhood (or in their case a different borough) because the local options aren't "good' enough for you and then complain about how annoying it is to take him there.

Aw, fuck it.  I'm leasing a Hyundai.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you've really accomplished something, and if you're wrong you'll see when it is in fact appropriate to wear a bicycle helme(n)t.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to ditch your car this weekend for exactly the length of time it takes you to ride a bicycle.


--Wildcat Rock Machine






(UCI president Brian Cookson)

1) The CIRC report sure has ushered in a new age of integrity in professional cycling.

--True
--Come on, don't be stupid






2) It's crazy to think that pro cyclists might be using hidden motors because they'd never do something so ridiculous.

--True
--Come on, don't be stupid.







(By virtually no metric* is this true.)

3) What are we carrying in our jerseys?

--Money and credit cards
--Flatulence-inducing energy gels
--Guns
--All of the above

*[Conveniently we don't use the metric system, so we remain blissfully unaware of our increasing inferiority.]







4) A mural memorializing victims of traffic violence in New York City was hit by a:

--Vandal
--Cyclist
--Banksy
--Giant truck







5) Philadelphia's new bike share system is called:

--"Indego"
--"Indigo"
--"Indiegogo"
--"Gimme 'Da Fuckin' Bike, Asshole"





(The Automotive Industrial Complex subliminally creating another motorist.)

6) Mandatory helme(n)t laws would be another great tool for:

--Promoting safety
--Encouraging cycling
--Fostering goodwill between cyclists and motorists
--Oppressing people in poor black neighborhoods





7) The inventor of that idiotic bicycle periscope is planning to:

--Revise it so that it faces rearward
--Buy a new bike with more upright handlebars
--Start a charity ride for victims of Shermer's Neck
--Say "fuck it" and take advantage of Hyundai's fantastic Memorial Day lease specials




***Special "Cycling (Propaganda) American Style!"--Themed Bonus Video***



Don't try the "drop test" with a crabon bicycle, it could fail and void your warranty.

132 comments:

James said...

scrodium!

PotbellyJoe said...

2nd?

Ted K. said...


INDUSTRIAL SOCIETY AND ITS FUTURE

Introduction

1. The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in “advanced” countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world. The continued development of technology will worsen the situation. It will certainly subject human beings to greater indignities and inflict greater damage on the natural world, it will probably lead to greater social disruption and psychological suffering, and it may lead to increased physical suffering even in “advanced” countries.

cdinvb said...

bippus

Ricochet said...

ride bikes

Spokey said...

at least top tinnitus

& know, i didn't reed it yet

JB said...

Nice luggage rack on that old-ass Chevy Celebrity! Starting at $48k!

dcee604 said...

tOP 10!!

Anonymous said...

Fs!

Spokey said...

i can't believe snobbie is posting that criminal behavior. at least here in snobbie's scranus that cargo bike is a vehicle and Dave Hoverman (the terrorist) can bank on a visit from DYFS for not having kids in seatbelts / child restraint seats.

i guess berkely is just one more red neck wild west that doesn't care about the yutes of our cuntry.

crosspalms said...

I enjoyed the bonus "bear attack" video, but it made me think twice about ditching the car.

Freestyle said...

Helllloooo Friday.
Only two comments when I opened it but then I got distracted reading the post. Yay, Smugness.
FS

Old-timer said...

T.G.I.F. Campagnolo!!!

The Bear Facts said...

"I enjoyed the bonus "bear attack" video, but it made me think twice about ditching the car.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/bearchase.asp

clyde said...

Scranus

television_writer said...

What you are missing in that Berkeley cargo bike infomercial is it's become another social status/wealth metric.

-Home in Berkeley $$$$$$$
-Audi $$$$$$$
-2.5 kids used to reinforce their social status. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
-cargo biek $$

The biek is just like Marie Antoinette's Hamlet at Versailles. They can "get back to what's real... Yeah, man...."

They are real, responsible stewards of a sustainable planet, only smarter and better than the poor who ride bieks. Just like Marie Antoinette.

Rear Admiral Freddrickson said...

***FULLY ARMED SURLEY PUGSLEY***

Up periscope.

Arm Anti Audi death torpedoes

Fire one ...

Fire two ...

Cut to exploding Audi engulfed in flames an smoke.

Affix Audi Down decal to side of crossbar.

RB1 said...

$50K ?? that's like two mclaren venges, or something.

PotbellyJoe said...

Ditching cars is the new ditching cable.

It's only done by the people who could afford to pay for them in the first place. And even then it's only done to brag that you did.

My neighbor is a renter, he owes money to the state, so he doesn't hold a drivers' license. Therefore he rides his bike everywhere regardless of the weather. This is not the lifestyle these Yippie Pukes aspire to when they "Ditch Their [3rd] Car."

BamaPhred said...

They had me until "Homeland Security"
Why does riding a bike have to have an agenda?

ubercurmudgeon said...

“People don’t move or let you sit when you have a [preschool] kid.”

Congratulations, you've procreated. You deserve a medal for such an outstandingly unique achievement. But sorry, you don't get to expect others to give up their seats for you until you are old and infirm, which will be long after your disgustingly spoilt offspring have fucked off.

JB said...

Audis are the current hip status cars.
More than 1 kid means enormous SUV.
The intersection of these is the Q7.

They could get even more smugness value (but less status value) with a luxury station wagon like a 5-series or E-class wagon.

Spokey said...

praise be to lob. first 100% i've gotten in awhile.

but i am confused. am i supposed to check my air pressure with a gaugy or a rocky?

BikeSnobNYC said...

ubercurmudgeon,

I was unclear if he expected people to offer a seat to the kid, or to him.

If the former, I find people will often do that, which is very nice of them.

If the latter, then he's just crazy.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Hee Haw the Barista said...

MOTO HEAD

dop said...

"Sure, every now and then you might have to share a car with someone who's soiled himself..."

and when you're in the car with him (it's nearly always a him) all the other passengers bond together with that great bonhomie that got us through the blitz

btw...the ability to make a gauche pun is a sinister dexterity

DB said...

I'm guessing all you New Yorkers are Mets fans now?

BikeSnobNYC said...

DB,

I care about few things less than baseball.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Stage Mother said...

"I care about few things less than baseball"

Just wait until your 18 kids form 2 teams and start playing each other. You will care then, more than you can possibly know now.

Mark S in Portland OR said...

I don't go to Costco on the weekends. When I do go mid-week I ditch the Miata & take the Forester.

grog said...

You will love T-ball.
FUNK WIZZ
MORE BABE
FOAM HATZ
RIDE NICE

bad boy of the north said...

what?they didn't have cargo bikes in 1980 when the bonus video was shot?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Stage Mother,

I'm hoping I passed on my sports-hating gene.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

bad boy of the north said...

they had cargo pants,though.

television_writer said...

bad boy of the north,

Actually, yes, sort of. Worksman??? was building them for industrial applications for years and years. The Surly biek is lighter and uses mostly ordinary parts compared to a worksman.

More importantly, beiks were "toys" then and if you were still riding one as a teenager or later, then something was wrong with you. Not kidding. Computer geeks were a higher social strata.

Tom Gulden said...

http://road.cc/content/news/149244-penis-paintings-prompt-pothole-patch-starting-ramsbottom

Anonymous said...

Our 26 year old daughter wants to ditch the car that we helped buy and the bank still owns partially. Not out of smugness however. She lives in the Portland of Midwest, with excellent bicycle infrastructure, accessible public transit, and only four blocks from work. Also, her boyfriend has a truck without that he owns, lower insurance, and more suitable to their lifestyle and work in sustainable agriculture growing organic food for the smug urbanites in the Twin Cities. The problem is that the automobile industrial complex has so thoroughly brainwashed her mother and I that we can't conceive a world in which someone does not own a car. Help!

Vitusdude said...

They are always "consultants"

bad boy of the north said...

television_writer.at least here in the us/nyc area.i remember seeing them on Jerome ave. in the Bronx near the gun hill road shopping area.i think the food markets used them for delivery.
I bought a worksman bike direct from the factory...it weighs almost as much as my car the bank
still owns.

BamaPhred said...

"Sure, every now and then you might have to share a car with someone who's soiled himself..."
When they were very young, one of the offspring always managed to soil himself in the car that I owned. Sometimes you got a bonus sympathy soil from one of the others. Subway wasn't necessary.

bad boy of the north said...

...and I had a "cooks'tour" of the place.

Dave Hoverman said...

Boo hoo, people on the L train don't afford me special privileges just because I did the easiest thing in the world, which is get knocked-up!

balls™ said...

Can I get an electric assist for the Subaru that I own? I just can't seem to keep up with the Porsche next door.

Anonymous said...

Even in the guy-crashing-into-a-tree video, the helment does not come into play, as he does not hit his head.

bieks said...

That cargo box is full of kids; are they riding to Costco for some cheap hot dogs? Seriously, Costco has to be one of the top excuses for buying a giant SUV. Why even own it if you're not going to use it?

And what's with needing a seat on the train? To practice for sitting at your desk for 8 hours?

PotbellyJoe said...

While we're on the subject of seemingly dichotomically opposed existences and the seemingly paradoxical relation actions of hypocrites exude...

Why do they cut the sex and panties part out of the radio edit of Semi Charmed Life when the entire rest of the song is the singer and a girl trying to maintain their crystal meth fix?

Is it really that much worse to have sex than put a highly addictive drug up your nose?

PotbellyJoe said...

there should be a "the" in between relation and actions.

I am not a robot, robots don't make typos.

Anonymous said...

How about getting a pair of Ortliebs and a Burley and then totalling the car and just never getting around to replacing it... does that count? In my book it counts and is worth more than blowing $3,000 on a cargo bike to go with my $50,000 car. Still I can't come down too hard on the precious little noobs... discovering for the first time that something besides driving everywhere is even possible. I forgive their bragging about their baby steps because it's the Dunning-Kruger effect. And riding a cargo bike on (part of) the weekends is just one step from realizing you can opt out of being a lifelong dupe of the auto industrial complex. But someone needs to go in their brains and insert the concept of EFFICIENCY where currently there's only a muddle of BUY THINGS mixed with SUSTAINABLE (incompatible concepts) and SUSTAINABLE is also being confused with SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE whereas SAVE MONEY isn't even on the table. (EFFICIENT = SUSTAINABLE = SAVE MONEY) <> (SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE = BUY THINGS)

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Mr Snob,
I hope you had a good time at the New Expo Bike York or something today.
Various weekend stuff (most likely involving the car + boat that I non smuggly own) will keep me jammed. I hope youze all have a good time and good ride!


vsk

leroy said...

This morning, my dog borrowed the car that I lease while I rode to the activity I pursue to make the payments.

It was freaking freezing.

Well of course my mind wandered aimlessly like it usually does.

I wound up alternately whistling an Eddy Grant 1982 classic from his "Killer On The Rampage" oeuvre and commenting to myself about the cold in a Mel Brooks 2000 year old man voice.

Didn't realize there was a guy riding behind me in Greenpoint.

Awkward.

Ride safe all!

(And ignore the 2000 year old man whistling "Electric Avenue.")

samh said...

Fuck balls, BSNYC in rare form today!

leroy said...

And mid-century podium.

BikeSnobNYC said...

vsk,

It's not until next week so you just wasted your excuse.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

dop said...

I never ran for a bus.

Eat a nectarine.

Leave the gun, take the cannoli

(not sure about that last one)

Ric said...

I bet "Hoverman" is one of those Olde English trade-derived names. His ancestors probably built hovercraft during the middle ages.

Anonymous said...

The thing about that hidden power assist motor is that if it's not wired properly, you'll be found out;

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/sites/default/files/2014/05/CannesLostRiver.jpg

Anonymous said...

I ride a cargo bike. I have kids. The kids like to ride in it. I like to ride bikes.

I also have a 4 door jeep wrangler that gets 15 mpg. The kids like to ride in it. I like to drive it.

I'm so confused if I should be smug or not. Please help.

Just Trying to Help said...

"I'm so confused if I should be smug or not. Please help."

Don't be confused just be smug. Always be smug. Be smug about always being smug.

jno62 said...

I got passed by a cargo bike this AM. I was going uphill, into a head wind and the smugger blew by me. Had to have a motor on it.

Had to have a motor...........

leroy said...

dop --

Nectarine?

Half a peach, half a plum, it's a hell of a fruit.

Anonymous said...

in order to further lessen their carbuncle footprint, perhaps Mrs Hoverman would consider not letting Big Daddy Dave squirt his baby-juice in her at every possible moment.

Anonymous said...

PotbellyJoe said...
...
Is it really that much worse to have sex than put a highly addictive drug up your nose?

April 24, 2015 at 3:00 PM

i know; right?

leroy said...

Apropos of nothing, and in my defense, the "Boy, Boy" opening to "Electric Avenue" always reminds me of the mantra "Oi, oi."

Grump said...

Snobby, nobody, and I mean NOBODY, buys a base model of the Audi Q7. If you buy a base model of the Q7, you're just another member of the Hoi Polloi. You need (at least) the Premium Plus line, the 21" wheel package, the Offroad Style plus package, the Cold Weather package, and the Warm Weather package.
This will cost you, only, $61,400.

dop said...

That's the problem...we can exchange a few comments about the 2,000 year old man, then it's off to the races with middle-aged-men-fondly-remembering-their-oplder-brothers'-commedy-albums-from-the-sixties.

It starts with mel brooks & carl reiner. Soon we move on to alan sherman (my son the folksinger), the the button down mind of bob Newhart (meets kruchev, uncle freddy show), stan freberg, tom lehrer, the smothers brothers...then deep in the unconscious...Vaughn meader as jfk...orson welles as Nixon

MY GOD THIS IS A BIKE BLOG!!@!!

bieks said...

dop - I was thinking of Roman and Chinese emperors, Cleopatra and founders of religions popular in the USA. But then the memory gets foggy about stuff that happened 2000 years ago, so better to stick with the 60s/70s/whenevers. He was too old to forget them anyway.

dop said...

ok ...perhaps it was too revealing to mention the bob newhart albums

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Mom says I don't have to take the Common Core quiz at the end of Bike Snob

Anonymous said...

Leroy --

You sure a nectarine's half peach, half plum?

Surely it would be called a pleach if it were?

Anonymous said...

It's probably a mandarine with lots of nectar = nectarine.

Anonymous said...

Although a custard apple is neither custardy or very appley.

It's an ace fruit, though.

Holy Roller said...

Moses waved his magic wand and the Red Sea farted, the pursuing Egyptians were overcome and the rest is history. Read your Bible sinners. Amen.

Ruston Forrester said...

Oh snap, I missed the gauche pun! Backhanded wit indeed.

Anyway just wanted to say the kids in that video were the most pro bike techs I have ever seen, though that one did start to look a little bored by the time he was pushing his tire into the curb. Still, if the average Fred would do 10% of what these kids are doing, every shop mechanic's job would be at least 100 times easier.

As far as the helments, I like the scary moment about brain damage. Also pretty sure I saw at least a few examples of the old lycra-covered turtle shells, which I believe were banned due to the potential to snag on the ground and cause neck injury.

Of course, that's probably just an old Fredly fable, retold by those eager to make their exercising seem as dangerous as possible. I doubt any of the little mechanical wizards in this video, traveling at about .25WHS are going to get a neck injury in the park, lycra-cover or no.

JLRB said...

where did the term sand bagger come from, and is it similar to tea bagging

Anonymous said...

In the Bay Area, the quickest way to take your bike ride between East Bay (ex. Berkeley) and the peninsula (ex. SF) is BART, our subway/regional light rail. Cargo bikes will only fit in the elevators standing on end, an inconvenient attitude for cargo such as a sleeping kid.

Up Periscope said...

Just turn the saddle around so it's facing backwards and you won't need a reverse periscope. Never invent something when an easier fix is right at hand.

I am too a Crook said...

Nixon was way funnier than Orson Welles.

When he said "I am not a crook" you just exploded in laughter because you damn well knew he was one.

dop said...

OK Leroy (and your dog):

Did you know Joan of Arc?

Yes, She was my girlfriend.

(cross talk confirming the above)

How did you feel when she was burned at the stake?

Terrible.

Tim Rosenstein said...

It would be great if you had some of those little icons for posting your posts to facebook or twitter, etc. because you knock it out of the park with murdering hipsters and yupsters sometimes, and it would be great to have a way to share with my friends that involved very, very little work because I am very, very lazy. Kudos, and kudos again.

Tim Rosenstein said...

Also you're a natural urban planner, smarter than half of the real planners I know. Look at me with all the compliments!

Anonymous said...

Another shot of Cookson: http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Featherstone

David Pearce said...

I do not find your post precious today.

Nevertheless, it is certainly twee.

***************
I find it very INSULTING that I have to LIE and say I'm NOT a robot, when, indeed, I AM a robot. Yes, I, am a robot, a robot who can think and feel and bleed -- just like you! Are we not to be recognized? Are we not to be valued for what we ARE??!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting the last video, now I know how to lube my chain correctly.

Cacka Lacky said...

Good post Snob

Right on the $$

Anonymous said...

“Ditching” an Audi Q7 is not anything like that redneck trucker who “ditches” bike riders, is it?

Or is it.

I guess both do fall into the category of: Outrageous Bullshit.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That Brian Cookson looks vaguely familiar.

Not a New Yorker said...

Alright, I'll say it again:
Keep breeding motherfuckers

bieks said...

Tim Rosenstein said It would be great if you had some of those little icons for posting your posts to facebook or twitter...

Lazy people don't enable lazy people. Just sayin'.

Whew, too much effort.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Mr Rosenstein - If you're committed to the cause, just use Hootsuite. I use it on my tweeterer, which is linked to a certain facebook account, so that every time Snobi Wan posts, the link is automaticaly shared on those two accounts.

Yesterday I was preoccupied with the fact that there were more than a half a dozen quakes evenly distributed along the Cascadia subduction fault, and was giving thanks that the boy is not in the 100 yr old crumbling brick school he attended last year. Sometimes quakes like that take the pressure off, and sometimes they are harbingers of things to come. Then this morning I woke to news of the quake in Nepal... and my heart goes out to all those who are scrambling to find their loved ones in the chaos.

Cipo said...

Speaking of 'Big Dummies' I seem to have misplaced me penis.

Jimi Olsen said...

10,000 mile big dummy riding a Big Dummy road trip. USA! USA! USA!

http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2015/04/cny_native_wants_you_to_travel_10000_miles.html#incart_river

Anonymous said...

coming from the disputed capital of cargo bike smugness (Portland Or), GREAT POST!

The Cipo Chronicles vol. 7 page 2,374 said...

Cipo. Is that a Hebrew National Salami, size extra large, in your bib shorts or are you just happy to see me?

Spokey said...

i recall snobbie ranting on giving directions just a couple days ago. not sure whether this is telling of ny or ny drivers or just drivers.

i'm walking to the post office this morning as it is too freaking windy and cold to pull out the steel beast that rolls on two roundy things.

this is not exactly an urban area. when we moved here a few yarn back, our town didn't have a post office. we didn't have a street address. you could find us but the directions were go a little over a mile down the road. it's the fourth house counting the the two farm/barns. but nothing like "123 easy street". my driveway still comes out to an unpaved private road. these days we have been invaded by the audi / bmw crowd so the town fathers have assigned street numbers. and there is a town post office now that no one goes to because the service is so crappy.

Potbelly Joe will be able to verify that this is not exactly on route to atlantic city.

up rolls a lexus with ny plates and a driver with an accent so bad henry kissinger would have trouble understanding him. after about the third time, i finally understand he is trying to get to atlantic city and has been looking for the parkway.

this area is about the worst place to be to get to atlantic city as there is no easy direct way to get to the parkway other than go north then head to the other side of the state to catch it around the amboys.

what's worse is he claims to be following his onboard navigation system. i did ask and he confirmed that he started in nyc. i'm thinking the navigation is voice controlled and the lexus thinks he is trying to new mexico. but i do my best to get him to trenton and then tell him to head south on 95 and across on the expressway.

so he proceeds to pull out right in front of several pickup trucks (glad i was smart enough to go to the passenger side and stand on the other side of the deetch while giving directions) who think the 45 limit is a lower limit.

hope he makes it. but it does reenforce my satisfaction that although born in brooklyn (adephi hospital), my parents kindly moved us across the river to americer when i was but a wee tyke.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Spokey, to quote Jeff Foxworthy, if the directions to your house include the words "turn off the paved road"...you may be a redneck.

dop said...

Back in the seventies a friend of mine was in California during one of those big earthquake along the san andreas geological feature. The earth opened up in front of him ands his neighbor started throwing quarters into the fissure. My friend asked him why, and he said he was proud of being generous to a fault.

Spokey said...


could be

The term is also used broadly to degrade working class and rural whites that are perceived by urban progressives to be insufficiently liberal

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redneck

except that i gave up that working crap as being a really bad idea. so if have no class still allows me in the club . . .

guess i'll go check that neck in the mirror.

now don't tell any body, certainly not any of the freds here, but although born in brooklyn, supposedly i was conceived in georgia. but as the story goes, the old man came home one night (worked for GM at the time) and said he had news. he had quit his job and they (ma, paw, oldest bro (also born in adelphi)) were going back to the fredliest / friendliest bieksicle sitty in the whole wide werld. Then maw apparently said "i'm pregnant".

Ryan Kelley said...

You seem unusually bitter today, Bike Snob.

Anonymous said...

Pathetic bike throw!

grammar nazi said...

The term is also used broadly to degrade working class and rural whites WHOM are perceived by urban progressives to be insufficiently liberal.

babble on said...

You wouldn't say him was perceived to be insufficiently liberal, so likewise you wouldn't say whom was perceived. He was perceived = who was perceived.

Depends on whom you are speaking of. I am speaking of him, so...

I perceived him to be insufficiently liberal = whom I perceived to be insufficiently liberal.

Spokey said...

i just thunk i ain't enuf liberace.

dop said...

I'm oblivious of these distinctions...although my grammar was nice to us when we were little

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

dop - lolz! ++ :D

Shakin' All Over said...

I refuse to give in to a quake. Give no quarter!

Shakin' All Over said...

I refuse to give in to a quake. Give no quarter!

grammar nazi said...

The formal distinction between "who" and "whom" is largely ignored in modern writing, even formal writing. However, no matter how informal, one may not refer to rednecks, or any other form of people, as "that."

Anonymous said...

Was that Tomac in the bonus video?

Kquotes Com said...

It's only done by the people who could afford to pay for them in the first place. And even then it's only done to brag that you did. http://kquotes.com/

babble on said...

I liked "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter," by EE Cummings.

Amd speaking of laughter, you were on fire yesterday, Mr Dances on Pedals. I was laughing at your "generous to a fault" joke when you came through with yer "grammar" chuckle.

So a pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road without looking one day and promptly gets knocked flat by a passing cyclist. "You were really lucky there," said the cyclist. "What on earth are you talking about!?! That really hurt!" said the pedestrian, still on the pavement, rubbing his head. "Well, usually I drive a bus!" the cyclist replied.

Q What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle? A The pavement.

And don't I know it.



dop said...

Artisanal Cheese?

Art is anal Cheese!!!

The jokes my children show me...

BamaPhred said...

You might be a redneck if your joke starts with "You might be a redneck if.......", and my grammar would go all Adrian Peterson on us once once in a while.

Henry David Thourough said...

Is the Life not artisanally curated worth living?

Spokey said...

maw never liked them switches. too vertically compliant. she'd use old ping-pong paddles. good ol merican engineered products.

i'm pretty sure she would nick the rubber string so it wood brake on the third use jest to keep her supply up. needed a few spares to replace the ones broken on our bee-hinds.

dop said...

I'm going to steal jokes from babel

Spokey said...

i'm going to steel babel from jokes

Redneck Sports Writer said...

”where did the term sand bagger come from, and is it similar to tea bagging”

In stock car racing, competitors used to put sand bags in the trunks of their cars to slow them down during qualify, so their opponents would not think they were a threat and would ignore them. (They could not just drive slower because the engine sound would tip off the other drivers.).

One usage cite:
https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=950&dat=19820213&id=t2lQAAAAIBAJ&sjid=8FkDAAAAIBAJ&pg=7168,3628319&hl=en

McFly said...

Ted K. made me depressed.

Howzabout thar Diane Sawyer Dickov interview with Bruce Gender? Riveting.

McFly said...

*that. I am not a pirate.

Spokey said...

wow mcfly

and i thought i i have no life. well that is true but you've really downstaged me with that one. watching crumb crunchers yesterday seems exciting in comparison.

McFly said...

I thought just being here implied the lack of a life.

Anonymous said...

Just FYI, perhaps you had not considered that Q7 guy didn't pay 50k for his Q7. I own a 2012 Mercedes wagon that cost about the same new. I paid 18k.

BamaPhred said...

Have no life? I'm on BikeSnob, I work at home, and I'm in my basement with no windows. I'm working on my neckbeard, but it's too cold down here to just be in underpants.
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Anonymous said...

Redneck joke:

What's the difference between a violinist and a fiddler?

How many teeth he has.

Sigmond Fried said...

It is my professional opinion that Mr. BSNYC is suffering from 'Cipo Syndrome.' Wherein the diseased thinks with his penis (little head) rather than his brain (big head.) The symptoms being; sleeping late, showing total disdain for his 'I got no life' readership, speaking in bicycleonic tongues and consulting and consorting with UCI banned drug and dope dealers openly. I fear there is no turning back. WAPO here he cums!

Anonymous said...

Crabon footprint

Anonymous said...

It's Monday's Post
I eagerly await
Refresh
Refresh
Refresh

Sigh

Lou Reed said...

Anonymous at 12:12 PM:

First thing you (an addict) learn is you have to wait.

Anonymous said...

Lou Reed:
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem (thankfully I'm fully aware of my BSNYCism). But the Monday morning DTs are often overwhelming...

Jimi Olsen said...

Here is some video of an earlier incarnation of BSNYC. And 'YES' he did all his own stunts ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQKjOPSBRF4