Farris' attacker had been in the process of stealing a bicycle off the Southeast Portland property where Farris lived. Farris had confronted the man, telling him to leave the bike behind and scram, Farris later told police.
"I thought he punched me," Farris said. "I put my hand on my stomach ... I pulled my hand back and my guts fell out."
Yeah, if I caught this guy in the act I'd say, "Please go right ahead, you can keep the bike:"
(He looks like a physically fit GG Allin.)
I'd then apologize profusely for the interruption as I tip-toed back inside.
Anyway, after disemboweling a guy for his bike, the thief then carjacked a Volvo:
Within hours after Farris was attacked, investigators also believe Khukhryanskiy violently carjacked a Volvo from another man and pummeled yet another man in the head and face before stealing his wallet, cellphone, keys and pickup on Northeast Rocky Butte Lane.
Frankly I'm surprised at his vehicle choice, because he seems like a guy who's up for a challenge, and it can't be too hard to carjack a Volvo. Volvo drivers make Subaru owners look tough, and you've got to figure in Portland a typical Volvo driver would hand over the keys to a girl scout if she asked nicely. Then again, I suppose if you're going to carjack anything it should be a Volvo, since high-speed chases rarely work out well and you might as well grab a car with a high crash test rating.
If nothing else, all of this underscores what creeps me out about Portland, which is that there seems to be a precipitous drop-off between real-life "Portlandia" characters and meth-fueled drifters who disembowel people in front of trailers.
I guess what I'm asking is, "Are there any normal people in Oregon or what?"
In other news, RadioShack has filed for bankruptcy:
This is surprising, because if there are two things that get 21st century American consumers excited, it's radios and shacks. Nevertheless, experts say the writing was on the wall:
In what could now be seen as a last-ditch attempt to remake itself, RadioShack ran a commercial during the 2014 Super Bowl.
Yeah, but it was pretty obvious they were moribund way before that. What about when they changed their name to "The Shack" and started a bike racing team?
RadioShack Invites Consumers to Rediscover 'THE SHACK' Through New Brand Creative Platform
--INTEGRATED MEDIA CAMPAIGN TO CONTEMPORIZE THE BRAND AND REINFORCE RADIOSHACK'S AUTHORITY IN INNOVATIVE PRODUCTS, LEADING BRANDS AND KNOWLEDGEABLE ASSOCIATES
RadioShack also announced a partnership with seven-time Tour de France winner, Lance Armstrong, both to sponsor his new American Pro-Tour cycling team and to work with the Lance Armstrong Foundation and LIVESTRONG campaign in the global fight against cancer.
And let's not forget about the Schleck Brothers, pro cycling's answer to the Tandy computer:
In fact, I'm pretty sure Tandy made the motor in Cancellara's bike.
Lastly, CyclingNews and BikeRadar tech editor James Huang takes readers inside the Specialized headquarters, and it's more full of surprises and delights than Willy Wonka's chocolate factory:
There are relics from the company's Scientology-esque creation myth:
Bikes shaped like Lambrettas:
And of course the world's most aggressive legal department:
Now that's where the magic happens.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll be spared an electric shock, but you will see a music video.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you see someone stealing your bike just back away slowly.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) What's in the bag?
--A sex dwarf
(You mean like "The Cabinet of Dr. Calgarian?")
--Electronic court filings
--Falling oil prices
--The fact that they have no idea what a "Calgarian" is
3) How long does it take a triathlete to replace a dropped chain?
--"What's a chain?"--A triathlete
("I'm siiiinging Indurain, just siiiinging Indurain. What a glooorious feeeling, I'm hairy again!")
4) The animatronic singing wax likeness of five-time Tour de France winner Miguel Indurain is the least-visited display at Madame Tussauds.
5) These guys want to make a feature film about:
--A bike shop
--A pro cyclist
--"Fredhood," a coming-of-Fred drama shot intermittently over a 12-year period
("Are those tubeless?"--A Mountain Biker)
(Via Klaus/Alps and Andes)
Hi nice guy on bike this AM in Greenwich village who found my IPhone after a biker took me down.
In my hysterical haste maybe I didn't thank you. So thank you! I didn't have any cash on me but I want to give you something for your honesty!
7) This has "scam" written all over it.
***Special Bonus eBay Auction And Related Video!***
Via Josh the Reader comes this eBay auction, as well as this NSFW video:
(Non-embeddable, click here.)
Innovative sales tactic.