Friday, February 6, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

A lot of cyclists talk tough about what they would do if they were to catch someone trying to steal their bikes.  Indeed, some cyclists are tough when they catch someone stealing their bikes.  However, here's one argument for taking the on-ramp to the "Woosie" Expressway and flooring the accelerator:

Farris' attacker had been in the process of stealing a bicycle off the Southeast Portland property where Farris lived. Farris had confronted the man, telling him to leave the bike behind and scram, Farris later told police.

"I thought he punched me," Farris said. "I put my hand on my stomach ... I pulled my hand back and my guts fell out."

Holy shit.

Yeah, if I caught this guy in the act I'd say, "Please go right ahead, you can keep the bike:"

(He looks like a physically fit GG Allin.)

I'd then apologize profusely for the interruption as I tip-toed back inside.

Anyway, after disemboweling a guy for his bike, the thief then carjacked a Volvo:

Within hours after Farris was attacked, investigators also believe Khukhryanskiy violently carjacked a Volvo from another man and pummeled yet another man in the head and face before stealing his wallet, cellphone, keys and pickup on Northeast Rocky Butte Lane.

Frankly I'm surprised at his vehicle choice, because he seems like a guy who's up for a challenge, and it can't be too hard to carjack a Volvo.  Volvo drivers make Subaru owners look tough, and you've got to figure in Portland a typical Volvo driver would hand over the keys to a girl scout if she asked nicely.  Then again, I suppose if you're going to carjack anything it should be a Volvo, since high-speed chases rarely work out well and you might as well grab a car with a high crash test rating.

If nothing else, all of this underscores what creeps me out about Portland, which is that there seems to be a precipitous drop-off between real-life "Portlandia" characters and meth-fueled drifters who disembowel people in front of trailers.

I guess what I'm asking is, "Are there any normal people in Oregon or what?"

In other news, RadioShack has filed for bankruptcy:

This is surprising, because if there are two things that get 21st century American consumers excited, it's radios and shacks.  Nevertheless, experts say the writing was on the wall:

In what could now be seen as a last-ditch attempt to remake itself, RadioShack ran a commercial during the 2014 Super Bowl.

Yeah, but it was pretty obvious they were moribund way before that.  What about when they changed their name to "The Shack" and started a bike racing team?

RadioShack Invites Consumers to Rediscover 'THE SHACK' Through New Brand Creative Platform


RadioShack also announced a partnership with seven-time Tour de France winner, Lance Armstrong, both to sponsor his new American Pro-Tour cycling team and to work with the Lance Armstrong Foundation and LIVESTRONG campaign in the global fight against cancer.


And let's not forget about the Schleck Brothers, pro cycling's answer to the Tandy computer:

In fact, I'm pretty sure Tandy made the motor in Cancellara's bike.

Lastly, CyclingNews and BikeRadar tech editor James Huang takes readers inside the Specialized headquarters, and it's more full of surprises and delights than Willy Wonka's chocolate factory:

There are relics from the company's Scientology-esque creation myth:

Bikes shaped like Lambrettas:

And of course the world's most aggressive legal department:

Now that's where the magic happens.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll be spared an electric shock, but you will see a music video.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you see someone stealing your bike just back away slowly.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) What's in the bag?

--A Brompton
--A Dahon
--A pizza
--A sex dwarf

(You mean like "The Cabinet of Dr. Calgarian?")

2) Calgarian bike couriers are losing work due to:

--Electronic court filings
--Falling oil prices
--Drone delivery
--The fact that they have no idea what a "Calgarian" is

3) How long does it take a triathlete to replace a dropped chain?

--4.2 seconds
--42 seconds
--42 minutes
--"What's a chain?"--A triathlete

("I'm siiiinging Indurain, just siiiinging Indurain.  What a glooorious feeeling, I'm hairy again!")

4) The animatronic singing wax likeness of five-time Tour de France winner Miguel Indurain is the least-visited display at Madame Tussauds.


5) These guys want to make a feature film about:

--A bike shop
--A pro cyclist
--"Fredhood," a coming-of-Fred drama shot intermittently over a 12-year period

("Are those tubeless?"--A Mountain Biker)

6) Finally!  Ugly-ass shoes with Michelin tire tread for soles.


Hi nice guy on bike this AM in Greenwich village who found my IPhone after a biker took me down. 
In my hysterical haste maybe I didn't thank you. So thank you! I didn't have any cash on me but I want to give you something for your honesty! 


7) This has "scam" written all over it.


***Special Bonus eBay Auction And Related Video!***

Via Josh the Reader comes this eBay auction, as well as this NSFW video:

(Non-embeddable, click here.)

Innovative sales tactic.


Anonymous said...

Strteaaaker tweaker!!!!

Beerfueled said...

Day off = podium

Daniel said...

Podio! Sweet!

Buffalo Bill said...

missed it by that much

Serial Retrogrouch said...

faucault that noise!

Spokey said...

at least top tennis

Avidday Yrnebay said...

In the parallel 'David Byrne Universe' all folding/unfolding bikes are folded/unfolded using mental telepathic kinetic control functions.

piskian said...

Lanterne rouge!

RANTWICK said...

The ebay guy scares me.

Anonymous said...



mikeweb said...

Hey! Old man Budnick sent me an email this morning to invite me to 'Ello'!

PotbellyJoe said...

There seems to be a missing response on #7...


It was the only one I got wrong.

Enjoy the weekend everybody.

Unless you're Babs, then enjoy the week-end.


Prolapsed Anus said...

Hopefully the bike thief will get a long stay in prison where he will be disemboweled the hard way.

Comment deleted said...

How do you inconspicuously disembowel somebody? Stealthily reach up through their anus and give a gentle, almost imperceptible tug?

"Oh, I say, you seem to have disemboweled me!"

"How awfully decent of you to notice!"


"Well, this is rather awkward."

mikeweb said...

Oh, and I keep forgetting I have a serious question for the commentariat:

A couple of months back I bought front and rear Knog Blinder 4s. In flashing mode they're supposed to have battery life of 50 hours, but after only about 2 hours of use the battery low light comes on and 10 minutes later they're dead. So I'm not even getting the 3 hours that they're supposed to get in steady mode.

Honestly I'd even be happy with half the advertised battery life. Has anyone else experienced this? I already emailed their support team 'down under' and they said to try repeating a series of 10 minutes charges and a long charge, but that didn't fix it. They offered to replace them, but I find it odd that both of them have the same problem and wonder if it's just a design problem with that model.

Any-hoo, I can always just charge them after every single commute ride...

fold_em said...

An anonymous "thank you" posted on CL is a scam?

Esplain yourself. It's not like she's offering a ride on her folding bike.

I'd also like to point out she actually is grateful exactly not at all, but being vaguely polite.

Grateful would be a ride on her folding bike or building a shed together or something.

McFly said...

Who says scram......probably what pushed him over the edge.

Spokey said...

radio shack was a good place for hobbyists before tandy bought them. then they started stocking overpriced crap in blister-packs and the smart clarks went to starbucks

McFly said...


I have 2 Knogs and they are both junk. Get you a Niterider Lumina. Sweet ass light, man. The comparison is like:

Throwing a Bullett vs. Shooting a Bullett

know_when_to_hold_em said...


Bad cell(s) in the battery assembly, or somehow a faulty charge circuit. Probably the bad cell though.

Time for a warranty replacement. Good on them for actual customer service.

If it was Sinyard's company they'd professionally tell you to go pound sand.

le Correcteur said...

Top twenty first; read it; fudged the quiz.

Bryan said...

Dude, what's with the snuff film?

Anonymous said...

”…seems to be a precipitous drop-off between real-life "Portlandia" characters and meth-fueled drifters who disembowel people in front of trailers.” funny:

New York, New York 639.3 violent crimes/100,000 population in 2012.
Portland, Oregon 517.2 violent crimes/100,000 population in 2012.

Clark said...

Here I am at Starbucks with my overpriced battries

dcee604 said...

All our Radio Shacks up here in Canada became 'The Source'. I still don't know anyone who shops there though.

Anonymous said...

Let's try this again:

”…seems to be a precipitous drop-off between real-life "Portlandia" characters and meth-fueled drifters who disembowel people in front of trailers.”

HA! That’s funny. This is not so funny:

New York, New York 639.3 violent crimes/100,000 population in 2012.
Portland, Oregon 517.2 violent crimes/100,000 population in 2012.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:18,

How many of those violent crimes were disembowelings?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Sparky said...

I remember, back in the day, when one use to be able to repair electronic stuff that broke. I purchased my diodes, resisters, and capacitors there for various projects. (sigh)

crosspalms said...

Is the disemboweler related to the eBay guy?

CommieCanuck said...

Wow, that Reynolds 531 is pretty strong tubing. Iz it stil fer sail?

CommieCanuck said...

All our Radio Shacks up here in Canada became 'The Source'. I still don't know anyone who shops there though.

Lonely old people who need a 45 minute conversation about cell phone plans after buying a single D cell battery.

McFly said...

That dude looks like Matt Damon and Stone Cold Steve Austin had a bastard love child.

P. Bateman said...

is the ebay guy Telly from kids?

for those on a time budget skip to the 50 second mark:

good soundtrack that film.

i dont think i would want to live if i reached down and was holding my guts. i would just want to go ahead and pass into the night.

safe riding. try not to get stabbed out there you bunch of little doodles.

DB said...

My TRS-80 still works fine!

That bike thief in Portland didn't have a chance. If I had two vowels in my name that was a foot long I'd lead a life of crime as well. He probably spent his whole life spelling his name out to people.

Welcome back, Crosspalms.

balls™ said...

I think in Florida, that bike thief could've stood his ground and shot that threatening bike owner. Stabbing no, but if he shot him...

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

All the more reason to "carry".

Don't get any idears in NYC though. They would rather have you dead than have to take a statement.
Also guugle "NYC's crazy gravity knife law" and know how unprotected you have to be.

I should be using this down time to hide the rebar in a frame pump. Maybe sharpen a few points here and there.


P. Bateman said...

@balls - i'm headed to a FL gunshow tomorrow. going to try to find a kel-tec sub-2000.

ya'll let me know if you need me to pick anything up for you.

Anonymous said...

More disembowling stories or Imma gonna kill you!

Anonymous said...

Last time I went into a Radio Shack was to get an obscure battery. The guys said we don't carry it in stock but I can order it and have it shipped to you. I told the guy that in the future I'll just save myself the trip and order it from Amazon. No wonder they went bankrupt.

the Jimboner said...

Psicobloc, Ilhas Tijuca tomorrow!

dop said...

There was a guy at the Englishtown Flea market who would start breaking his unsold tchotchkes about a half hour before closing time. Great attention getter. Never used a sledge hammer to my knowledge.

JB said...

Radio Shack is my son's go-to place to buy RC cars. So there's that.

He's not old enough for the "real" RC cars.

Anonymous said...

I was looking at the photos in the Specialized story and noticed one of the motorcycle looking prototypes had innovate or die painted on it. Shouldn't it have read litigate or die?

bieks said...

Anon 1:18 - "New York, New York 639.3 violent crimes/100,000 population in 2012.
Portland, Oregon 517.2 violent crimes/100,000 population in 2012."

Nice diversion tactic, but where are the stats on normal people?

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

My dog claims to have recently thwarted the theft of my saddle by Santa's neer-do-well brother.

As I recall, the would be thief was armed only with a cane.

My dog now pretends he's into astrology to get folks to ask about his sign so he can respond "pick one."

Told that wasn't as good as Robin Williams "slippery when wet."

Ride safe all -- especially if my dog assures you he's got your back.

Hello? said...


Eric the infrequent said...

I'd say I hate that guy for killing that Raleigh, but I am afraid of him.

Blimey! said...

"London Taxi Chief Compares Cyclists To Islamic State Militants." And he added: "Perhaps that was a bit strong [to compare them to the Islamic State] but I can't think of a single other movement in the world at the moment that behaves in such a vitriolic and aggressive manner."

Damn those vitriolic, aggressive bike riders! How DARE they!

Cipo's Thunder Slut Coordinator said...

Blimey, Don't blame the man. Blame the dopamine.

BamaPhred said...

The Portland bike thief was found guilty on 10 counts, duh. He shook off the K9, was hit with two tasers, and it still took 5 cops to handcuff him, all 5'9, 175 lbs of him. Damn.
He slashed the guy after guy hit him over the head with an asp baton. Sheeeiiittt, as we would say around here. Never bring a broomstraw to a knife fight unless you are Chuck Freaking Norris.

BamaPhred said...

And Mikesweb, my new Knog Blinders are working great haven't charged them in two weeks, about 30 min run time per day. They are either defective or maybe the cold weather affects them? I don't know what your ambient riding temp is but it is probably 15-20 degrees colder than mine, 35-45 degrees. And rising every week now!

Jkrb said...

What did I miss?

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

Once upon a time I an old steel frame Fiji (wish I still did) I think the world's strongest man could beat on it with a sledge and it wouldn't do squat to it.

Bill OGrady said...

Comment, please!

BamaPhred said...

I hope everybody had a good day. Great day for the rode beik biek cicling. Finally warched the bike pounding video. Geez, I don't want to run into this guy either.

BIG MIG said...

I prefer eating human flesh that does not contain an artificial joint as that artificial joint gives the meat a metallic chemical after taste.

JLRB said...

Today's decision - drive the boring car I own and pay parking while I trade my time for money or hop on a beik for the commute instead - I chose to pull on my wool murdered out hat of sarcasm and pedaled away

McFly said...

Nice weekend. Did the windy road today then mounted a new knobby on the Honda CR250R and lost more than a little hand meat. Headed to Percy Warner tomorrow for some sweet buttery smooth singletrack.

Anonymous said...

Did the victim real tell the meth poster boy to "scram"?


Semicolon said...

I tell you, to take on Meth Boy; one has to have a lot of guts.

Anonymous said...

"Having Lance on our team will no doubt accelerate our brand's evolution."

JLRB said...

After cleaning my biek my hands looked like that bike thief's face

Anonymous said...