Thursday, December 18, 2014

The last day-after-Wednesday post of 2014.

First of all, now that we're normalizing relations with Cuba, I'd like to welcome all you cubanos to the blog.  Our cycling cultures have much we can learn from each other.  For example, you can teach us about DIY recumbent building:


While we can teach you about being overprivileged douchebags who wear cyclocross-specific shoes:

And don't forget your cyclocross-specific scarf:


I never thought I'd get to the point where cyclocross annoyed the fuck out of me, but I'm sorry to report that cyclocross now annoys the fuck out of me.

It's hard to say whether it's because cyclocross is getting too douchey or because I'm just getting old, but it's probably about 5% due to the former and 95% due to the latter.

All I know is that if I hear one more American in shants refer to french fries as "frites" I'm gonna puke in his aïoli.  I'll bet you if I bought a shitload of McDonald's fries, went to all the cyclocross races, and served them wrapped in some Belgian newspaper at $15 a pop I'd be rich enough to retire within a year.  In fact, I may very well do that at Cyclocross Nationals in Austin this coming January:


Though I do realize the competition will be stiff, because Austin is Food Truck Hell, which I know from personal experience:


Speaking of that trip to Austin, I got in a little bit of trouble afterwards because I wrote this about Don Walker:

How come everybody seems to hate show organizer Don Walker, yet somehow he remains in power, like Muammar Gaddafi?

Alas, I never would have made that quip today--not because I regret it, but because given this whole Sony mishigas comparing him to Kim Jong-un would have been way more topical.

By the way, did you know North Korea is a hotbed of women's cycling?  And when I say "hotbed," I mean they can do it now do it without being punished:


Scoff if you will, but this makes them more progressive than the UCI.

Meanwhile, yesterday I posted a video of someone falling off his rollers, and an astute reader noticed the rider was wearing a Gran Fondo New York jersey:


Whenever I am a victim of some sort of Fredly faux-pas it always seems as though the perpetrator is wearing a Gran Fondo New York jersey.  Whether it's that wheelsucker lurking behind me on the bike path, that unprepared pump-grubber, or the aero-dork who thinks he's a customer and every other cyclist is a bike shop employee, they always seem to share this jersey in common.  The best advice I can give you is to always give Gran Gondo New York jersey wearers a wide berth--unless they also have some form of aerobar on their bike, in which case you should save yourself the trouble, steer your bike into a ditch, and crash yourself:


It's not a question whether the rider with Gran Fondo New York jersey and aerobars will crash.  Rather, it's merely a question of how hard he's going to crash into you--or, barring the presence of anybody else, his ottoman:


This is not to say I'm any better at riding rollers.  In fact, I confess I've never ridden on rollers.  Furthermore, odds are I never will ride on rollers, because unless humankind is forced to relocate to Mars and I can never go outside again I can't imagine a scenario in which I would be tempted to "ride" a bicycle indoors.

Also, I can certainly understand people wanting to "Be A Pro For A Day:"



Though I think the full slogan should be "Be a Pro For A Day, Be A Fred For A Lifetime."

Speaking of Freds, Bicycling magazine (also known as Time for Freds) has published an article about proto-Freds Orville and Wilbur Wright:

That powered flight sprang from the bicycle should be no surprise. At the turn of the last century, if you liked speed and dreamed of ways to travel farther, faster, you probably were a cycling enthusiast. That heritage isn't confined to the Wrights. Glenn Curtiss, the brothers' bitter rival in the air, made his name first as a bicycle mechanic, then as a motorcycle designer, mechanic, and racer. These guys were the gearheads, the shredders, and the techies of their day.

Like most Americans I knew the Wright Brothers had a bike shop, but I never realized they invented the whole reverse-threaded left pedal thing:

According to Engler and other Wright historians, the brothers used their ingenuity to contribute to the improvement of the bicycle. First was the "self-oiling hub," which sealed the bearings with felt washers to keep a reservoir of oil inside. Then, in 1900, the Wrights introduced an innovation we still use today: the bicycle pedal that doesn't come unscrewed. On earlier bicycles, both pedals screwed into the crankarms with standard threads (clockwise to tighten, counterclockwise to loosen). The motion of the cranks spinning would tighten the right-side pedal against the crankarm, but loosen the left. Wilbur and Orville realized that if the left pedal screwed in with reverse, or left-handed, threads, the spinning of the cranks would tighten it against the arm as well, thus giving us secure pedals (but to this day confounding home mechanics who don't know which way to turn their pedal wrenches).

Overall, I found this article very interesting, though I took issue with this paragraph:

A hundred years later, aviation has repaid the bicycle, with interest. As bike technology has advanced from Wilbur and Orville's self-oiling hubs to cold-worked titanium frames and all-carbon rims, aerospace has contributed many of the most important concepts.

"Aviation has repaid the bicycle, with interest"?  Are you freaking kidding me?  Have you flown with a bicycle lately?  Those bike charges are insane!  If anything it seems like we're paying them a royalty for some reason.

Also, as far as technology, titanium frames and crabon rims barely count as technological advancements, especially when you look at how far the airplane has come since the Wright Brothers's original flying recumbent glider thingy.  I mean really--look at a Wright Brothers bike and tell me there's been any mind-blowing bicycle innovation since then:


Looks like a typical fixie to me.  If you dropped the Wright Brothers onto the Williamsburg Bridge today they wouldn't miss a beat.

In fact, if some Fred in a Gran Fondo jersey asked Wilbur to change his tire, I'm sure he'd be able to do it in a heartbeat.

The times they aren't a-changin'.

101 comments:

Anonymous said...

And find I'm A-number-one, top of the list, king of the hill, A-number-1...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

3 wheeler

Anonymous said...

One!

Anonymous said...

Podio

dnk said...

Troika plus training wheel.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Now that recumbent has got some goofy tiller effect.

Spokey said...

well at least top tinnitus.

groanhammer said...

uuuuuhhhhhnnnnn

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"Scoff if you will, but this makes them more progressive than the UCI."

Funniest thing I've read/heard all day. Thanks.

Spokey said...

odd

that cyclocross map sure looks like a case of Cryptorchidism

dop in memory of emily littella said...

I was riding in New Zealand, when a policeman stopped me to ask about the tapeworm on my head. "I'm complying with the mandatory helminth law". Fortunately, he was able to see the lighter side and let me off with a warning. Nevermind.

Unknown said...

I'd say the derailleur is a pretty big innovation cycling, but probably the only one that deserves mention.

The other bigger changes like brake technologies, indexed shifting, and suspension were basically all either obvious improvements, convenient-but-really?, or copied from another industry.

Name said...

Not even top meh

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed
I got nothing
BamaPhred

Alias Bob said...

It is not You, it is Them. Cyclocross is getting more and more Douchy....

streepo said...

You are absolutely Wright , of course.

Freddy Murcks said...

I am not sure why I still care or why I am surprised, but pro cycling is a giant, stupid doping clusterfuck.

http://velonews.competitor.com/2014/12/news/mauro-santambrogio-tests-positive-testosterone_356376

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Actually it was more like a "Flying prone glider thingy" Even had a part called the "hip cradle"

Unknown said...

> I mean really--look at a Wright Brothers bike and tell me there's been any mind-blowing bicycle innovation since then


The derailleur.

1st LT Thomas Selfridge said...

"... proto-Freds Orville and Wilbur Wright.."

I don't think WO nor WW deserve the title "proto-Fred." The were practical, ingenious, industrious, and in no way self-obsessed. I think they are the anti-Fred.

McFly said...

Bicycles.....they are just acoustic motorcycles.

Joe K. said...

"Aviation has repaid the bicycle, with interest"

Meanwhile NASA contacts Litespeed when it needs to send titanium tubing to Mars.

Did aircraft give bicycles carbon fiber? What sort of technology has air transportation ever given bicycles? Alloys? That for a brief part of bicycling history the top of the line bicycles were made of "aircraft-grade" aluminum?

That's it, and even that is dubious because "Aircraft-grade" aluminum is still a commercially available alloy and more a marketing term by cheap frame manufacturers.

Sorry, bicycle "innovation" has been dependent on a few Italians and Californian lawyers, not airplanes.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Clicked back to that one post with the courtroom-style sketch of the defendant rendered in Crayola -The pump grubber.

You should really grace your lovely blog with more of your artistic renderings. Then give them away in some new contests. Maybe get one of your seventeen kids to be your art director.

CommieCanuck said...

I was out riding two days ago with my road shoes and I crossed a dirt path, and a few miles later, a gravel road, and I lived.
True story.
A Christmas miracle.

Bryan said...

I'm waiting for Rapha to start making alley cat racing specific clothing. Then I will have seen full circle.

Comment deleted said...

You beat me to it, Joe. Aviation gifted bicycling with an aluminum that wasn't all crinkly and only good for wrapping sandwiches.

Or was that the soft-drink industry?

CommieCanuck said...

So, today I learned robots cannot use computer mice.
This is how we beat them, John Connor!

TERM NATR

ILBE BACK

grog said...

I wrench my nipples in opposite directions, too. My home mechanic is totally confounded.
Wright's first flight did not even attain woo-hoo fred speed.
AERO BIKE

JB said...

The DIY recumbent has epic handlebars.

There's a kids cyclocross course on that Austin map. Does your kid have a cross bike? He should.

Alfred Reynolds said...

Reynolds 531...started in bicycles, ended up in aircraft.

(most notably the Supermarine Spitfire.)

il Pirata est Mort said...

The corporate entity Curtiss Wright has strayed far from their primordial bike shops!



babble on said...

I witnessed my own miracle of sorts when I rode my asphalt specific city bike on a frosty gravel path the other day... blessed be.

Heh heh acoustic motorcycles. Nice one, McFly.

Hotbed of women's cycling, indeed... look out, Saudi Arabia! Actually, in Iran, they are trying to build a cabin of sorts to surround the body, so that women can ride demurely. And there are placed in the UK, and the US, where kids aren't allowed to bike to school. W.T.F?!? Heh heh. Best of all, though... in Baldwin Park, CA, it is illegal to ride your bike in a swimming pool. Somebody had better organise a protest march.

Joe K. said...

@Comment Deleted

Also keep in mind cycling aluminum alloys are typically 6061 or 7005, not the 2024 or 7075 that is more prevalent in airplanes.

Sorry, bikes still give more than they receive.

Bike tech has more thanks to give to golf than airplanes.

Anonymous said...

Whoa, Commie!
Living dangerously.
Don't tempt fate like that, please.

Comment deleted said...

I want some aircraft-grade inner tubes. That shitty bicycle-grade rubber keeps flatting on me.

Stan Thomas said...

Pedal threads are not self-tightening, quite the opposite. As you will discover if you leave them loose.
It was a safety feature, in the days when pedal bearings were prone to seizing, so that they would unscrew rather than break your ankle.

BenLoganBenLoganBenLogan said...

Good call Stan! Pedals want to unscrew themselves. The author had it ass-backwards and you beat me to the comment.

McFly said...

If you use the "Pedaling Action Tightens the Stud" theory then the right pedal would need LH threads and the left pedal would reguire RH threads.

The pedal itself is going the opposite direction of the crank.

Unless you are New York Gran Fondo Jersey Roller Guy then it don't fuckin' matter if they are tight or not.

Joe K. said...

Precession is like global warming. Most people recognize that it exists, but only a few can explain it to people.

Arnie Hole said...

Righty tighty lefty loosey,
Righty loosey lefty tighty,
My pedals come off.

JB said...

You guys are blowing my mind.

Anonymous said...

http://www.airmichelin.com/uploadedFiles/MichelinAirDev/StandardContent/Product/MAIR_SS_AIRSTP.pdf

As far as I can tell, aerospace tubes are made the same as bike tubes.

Anonymous said...

” Pedal threads are not self-tightening, quite the opposite….It was a safety feature, in the days when pedal bearings were prone to seizing, so that they would unscrew rather than break your ankle.
”Pedals want to unscrew themselves. The author had it ass-backwards…”

Wrong and wrong.

Perhaps St. Sheldon can explain it to you”
“It is not the bearing friction that makes pedals unscrew themselves, but a phenomenon called "precession".
You can demonstrate this to yourself by performing a simple experiment. Hold a pencil loosely in one fist, and move the end of it in a circle. You will see that the pencil, as it contacts the inside of your fist, rotates in the opposite direction. This occurs because the pencil's diameter is smaller than that of the opening in your fist. The external threads of the pedal axle are slightly smaller, also, than the internal threads of the crank -- or they wouldn't fit!
Another popular theory of armchair engineers is that the threads are done this way so that, if the pedal bearing locks up, the pedal will unscrew itself instead of breaking the rider's ankle.”

Complete explanation is here under “Pedal Threading)

ken e. said...

almost still wednesday!

crosspalms said...

I had a pedal come off under my foot once, and it was no safety feature, believe me.

Are those artisanal frites and handcrafted ales with those cross shoes? They're making me hungry.

Am I a robot? No. Check!

Anonymous said...

Sheldon, once again, Does It Right The First Time.

Screw the derailleur, I like the inflatable tire.

After that, probably aluminum parts.

John Dunlop said...

"...I like the inflatable tire."

So do I. They were invented for bicycles in 1887, before there were cars or planes.

Once again bicycle tech gives and gives and gets next to nothing back.

Anonymous said...

I know I'm a little behind, but can someone clue me in to the etymology of the word "Fred"? I've been reading this blog for like five years and I have no idea where that word comes from. Acronym?

Anonymous said...

"Hold a pencil loosely in one fist?"

What am I? In the shower? I think not.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:25pm,

It's a very old cycling term. In fact, I think it's even covered on Wikipedia...

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Joe K. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joe K. said...

Ultimately, Fred gets the Potter Stewart definition of, "I know it when I see it"

Spokey said...

my recollection of reading a tome on fred sometime in the distant past (which is at least 4 min ago these days) was that fred had many meanings. And most of those definitions contradicted all the other definitions.

Spokey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...

and you can still post here with just a keyboard
<comment text>
<tab>
<tab>
<spacebar>
<tab>
<tab>
<tab>
<tab>
<enter>

JB said...

"Fred" came from that one episode when Fred and Barney discover the Bedrock Velodrome (a bird squawks when there is 1 lap to go! LOL). Fred and Barney start out with bikes made of limestone, but Fred gets really into it. He ends up spending the money that Wilma was saving for Christmas gifts on a new bicycle made of coral (laterally stiff...) with snakeskin tires. Barney thinks he's stupid for spending that much cash on a bikecycle, but Fred doesn't care, since he's now on the hunt for Stegosaurus eggs, which boosts blood oxygen.

Of course, Fred get's in trouble for spending the Xmas money, especially after he ruins his coral bike after crashing in a triathlon. He works a few extra weekends at the quarry and presents Wilma with fabulous gifts and all is well.

But Fred was a "Fred."

Mr. Pedantic said...

"...but can someone clue me in to the etymology of the word "Fred"?"

“Fred” , noun, from Fred Flintstone, referring to propelling ones vehicle with their feet.
Originally derisive term for amateur bicycle racers, especially those “too in to it.” Now used to derisively refer to any cyclist (or supposed cyclist type) whom the speaker does not like.

commie said...

You people are ignorant, its an a acronym
Fuck it
REnt a
Dodge Stratos

Fred said...

”It's a very old cycling term. In fact, I think it's even covered on Wikipedia...

If they have this Fred they should have our Fred

Joe K. said...

In the train business, FRED is the Flashing Rear End Device. FREDs will sometimes even Talk to Head-of-Train Devices, called Wilmas.

I'm not making this up I swear.

Anonymous said...

You idiots. The left pedal is marked L and the right pedal is marked R so you don't get them mixed up and have chaos.

F.R.E.D. is an acronym for Feeble Riding Eternal Dork.

I Robot said...

Why does my my bike from Spaghetti-Land have right hand threads on both sides of the BB? Once I had the whole assembly work out sideways until it snugged up against the right side crank arm

I Robot said...

Or was that left side? I can't remember what side but it did really happen. I ended up getting a centre punch and fucking up the threads just a bit so it would stay put.

dop said...

Curtis Wright? My father worker at the CW plant in Patterson NJ during the depression...met my mother there in 1942...place was like a singles bar

Jeb said...

Sheeeit! I Robot. Alls you has to do was force a left hand threaded part onto th' right hand threaded side o' your fancy an' that thing ain't shiftin' for no one. I got me two tools in my kit an' that's a Vice-Grip and a bigger Vice-Grip... Well I got me a flat head screwdriver too, but that's jus' for openin' beers.

old-timer said...

Huh? What? Just slowly rolling through stop signs, here in totally soaked California. What day is it?

Unknown said...

FWIW Reynolds 531 is a steel alloy.

McFly said...

I Robot,

It's been said through legend and lore that thoroughly cleaning the mating threads with a brakeleen type agent and some blue Loctite will remedy that. Don't bring it up at your LBS or ye shall incur scorn.

Unknown said...

That's Henry Ford in the background! The Wright brothers had the next to the last great innovation to the bicycle. The derailer was the last, only materials of construction has changed since wilber and Orvil did their thing. Bicycles are mature technology looking for Freds. Oh about helments, this i gotta tell you. Any body that pays over $75 for a helment has nothing to protect!

Bryan said...

I had to look up the history of Reynolds, and it is fascinating. I also now want a bike made with their tubing. I finally have one with Columbus. I can't wait to get that one ready to ride. Needs some work.

Anonymous said...

That's a great spot to do one's indoor bikecycle riding: even if you don't fall off your rollers, you're probably still going to splatter Fred-sweat all over your hipster painting and artisanally curated books.

Lani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dop said...

pretty deep profile on those wright bros rims...nice & aero, but too deep to ride in l'eroica

Philip said...

Pedals loosen towards the back of the bike: https://flic.kr/p/qmuU9M

Anonymous said...

I know I'm way late, but the "be a pro for a day" video had some dude standing in line hocking the best loogie at 00:04 in. If that doesn't make me want to do the Gran Fondo than I don't know what would.

JLRB said...

I like Orville's popcorn innovation

Sony faked the whole hack thing to avoid putting another shitty movie into theaters

I Robot said...

McFly,
This is good advice, but I fear that after all traces of lubricant have been removed from the threads then they are more prone to rust and therefore the BB risks becoming 'at one' with the bike frame for all eternity.

I Robot said...

This is by no means a 'Zen' thing.

bad boy of the north said...

maybe we can see "the interview" in cuba...hmmm.

bad boy of the north said...

hi babble on.i think we've enough protests for this year...

Anonymous said...

Wait, 'too in to it' is then titi? That is the best news I have had all year (and what a long year its's been).

'That one guy that joins the group after doing his hill repeats is so titi'

That's a winner!

Anonymous said...

Now you are NEVER going to get to talk a NAHBS event! I tried!

John Dunlop said...

"...pretty deep profile on those wright bros rims...."

Those are white wall tires on regular depth rims.

Anonymous said...

Here's a winner:
http://www.engadget.com/2014/12/19/igo-electric-fatbike/

andy said...

Christ...I'm still doing last week's quiz& still schruting it up

eric? said...

Yeah, this post is late but here is the archived version of the Fred article on Wikipedia

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Nodium, ... every quiz question that can be asked, has been asked.

vsk

Freddy Murcks said...

I wonder why Wikipedia took down the original fred article. It seemed to be just as topical as many of the other pages on Wikipedia.

By the way, I am not a robot but what's to stop a person from programming a robot to click the "I'm not a robot" box.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of a regular depth rim where is RQ & Babble & Frilly?

Alan Turing said...

"...what's to stop a person from programming a robot to click the "I'm not a robot" box."

Nothing except they would have to visit each site they want to robo-post to and see where the click box is. The site owner could move the click box on the site and the programmer will have to start over. How many sites does I robo-poster have to have to make money with robo-posting?

Anonymous said...

Yeh

Anonymous said...

Another Wright brothers innovation copied by certain cycling mega corporations: suing the ass off the competition.

Nextly,

I was beaten up a hill by a kid whose bike was missing a pedal, so therefore pedals don't really matter, left OR right threaded.

lastly,

the s is silent in frites. Get it right.

Unknown said...

It turns out Kim Jong Un reinstated the law banning women in Korea from bikes in Jan 2013, shortly after repealing it the previous summer: http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/asia-pacific/130116/north-korea-bans-women-riding-bicycles

Anonymous said...

http://www.bbc.com/autos/story/20140821-the-10-most-beautiful-bicycles

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