Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Put On Your Mind Control Helment and Submit to the Will of Big Bike!

This coming weekend is the Philadelphia Bike Expo:


So you can consider this just another in a series of reminders that I'll be giving a "seminar" at 12:00 on Sunday the 9th--and you don't want to miss it, because I put the "GNAR" in "Semi-GNAR:"


The "G" is silent of course.

I'll also be bringing some hats from my "collection" to give away:


Pictured above is the Antarctic Blue Sports Cap, but I'm not sure what I'll actually have with me until the package arrives from the mad hatters at Walz and I see what's in it.

Also, as usual, I'll fantasize about riding all the way to Philly, then I'll check the train schedule, and then that morning I'll say "Fuck it" and hop in The Car The Bank Owns Until I Finish Paying Them Back.


("I'm not even gonna say it.")

And even if you want nothing to do with me you should still go to the Expo, because there are always lots of interesting bikes and accessories, which is why I'm pretty sure you won't find this there:


Imagine riding your bike down the street. Your legs are engaged, but your arms are stationary. Now imagine pedaling with both your arms AND your legs. Welcome to the Dual Drive Bike revolution! Your time is valuable, so why exercise just half your body when you can maximize your time and get a full-body aerobic workout. Burn those calories!

Yes, imagine!  I realize Americans love fitness crazes that involve pantomimes of sex acts, but wouldn't it be cheaper yet equally suggestive to just ride around with a Shake Weight?

Also, as the shirtless sidewalk-riding capital of the world, America's Wang isn't generally known for its bike culture.  However, it's worth noting they've got surprisingly good bike-handling skills down there.  In particular, davening over your cockpit like that seems like an excellent way to ride into a tree, yet somehow they remain upright.

There's no way those pallid Portlanders, what with their pathetic lack of muscle definition and their mushy quinoa-sack abs, could ever successfully control such a bicycle.


(A Portlander's body is like this, only much whiter.)

Another cycling innovation I'd be surprised to find at the expo is this bicycle trailer, to which I was alerted by a reader:

Love camping but don’t like using a car to get into the great wide open? This can be a sticking point for those seeking a green, back-to-nature experience: Unless you are backpack-trekking with a bare-bones pup tent, getting all the camping paraphernalia you need for a comfortable trip into the wild can be nigh on impossible without burning gas. A Danish company has just come up with a plausible, neatly designed answer to this problem: a travel trailer light enough to haul behind a bike.

Oh please.  Not that I have anything against camping, but don't pretend you're somehow saving the earth by doing it--especially if you're schlepping so much crap you need a trailer the size of a garden shed. Just admit you're a lifestyle camper looking for a bucolic setting in which to imbibe exotic coffee and designer bourbon, and that the woods is really just the ultimate boutique hotel, artisanal cafe, or reclaimed wood bar.  You want a "green, back-to-nature experience?"  Move to the forest permanently and revert to a feral state.  Even if you ride your bike there instead of driving, what's so "green" about visiting someplace overnight?  All you're really doing is frightening the animals and filling the woods with that heady mélange of body odor and perfume which is the stench of humanity.

So you visited, took a shit, and left.  I'm fairly certain the delightful woodland creatures would have been much happier if you'd stayed home, where at least you sustain an ecosystem of mice, rats, pigeons and cockroaches.

In any case, now that you've admitted you're nothing but a rustic gentrifier, take a look at these features!

The Wide Path Camper could help reshape the future of camping. It weighs just 40 kilos (88 lbs.) unloaded, so pulling it behind your bike it may give you chunky calves but will hardly snap your hamstrings. And it turns out to be pretty roomy when folded out from its travel mode. Courtesy of a projecting metal nose, the Wide Path extends far enough to make space for two face-to-face sofas and a pull-down table, all within a shell that’s far warmer and more weatherproof than the average tent. The sofas flatten at night to form a double bed large enough to sleep two people. If you want to make the whole package greener still, the Wide Path comes with an optional solar cell for charging devices. The trailer currently costs around $2,500 (15,000 Danish Kroner to be precise)—not outrageous, but a good reason why Wide Path is also offering the campers for rent.

Translation: you can boink in it:


(If this trailer is a-rocking, please refrain from knocking.)

So there you go--though you'll need a Tronned-out party bike to pull it with:



Foxy girl on bike says "Nice Ride!" - m4w (Grand St / Morgan & Flushing)

I was riding the party bike; It was all Tronned out with flashing lights and blasting music. We smiled at each other as you blew past me in the Grand bike lane. I followed you down Humboldt for a bit, but lost you as you were hauling ass down side streets. I thought that was that, but as I approached Flushing at Morgan, there you were, heading into a cafe or something. It took me a minute to realize that you were the same person, and when you saw that moment of realization on my face, you called out, "Nice ride!" I should have stopped, but I was winded and runny-nosed. Heh. I hope you find this. I owe you a high-five at the very least.

In the ultra-high-rent, über-gentrified, wildy income-disparate cities of tomorrow, "livable streets" will mean just that--the apartments will all be empty shells owned by foreign investors, and the people will live in bike trailers, their meager wages taxed to the limit to pay for the bike lanes in which they both travel and sleep.  Since it will be far too expensive to drink and dine, mating rituals will involve attracting partners with flashing lights, and couples will eventually pedal out into the wilderness where they will copulate and spawn.  Really, it's all so obvious now, I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner.


("You weren't supposed to tell them.")

I expect to be "disappeared" and forced to join a forced gran fondo camp any day now.

132 comments:

Bryan said...

podio...1st?

CommentatorBOT9000 said...

First? Although i don't know why we do this...

Standing Tall said...

podio?

(i type slow)

Anonymous said...

near miss

Bryan Bracy said...

top ten for the win...

Anonymous said...

#INSANE

benDE said...

Which one of you assholes is gonna lose today?

Doh!

Bryan said...

I don't know why we do it either. At this point, I do it because other people do it.
I could show Juanita something else she might love. It would give her a full body workout.
I wish I could make it to Philly!

benDE said...

but I read it and made a business call already . . .so . . .

Spokey said...

top tennis

Bama Phred said...

Maybe if recumbabe is pulling the trailer......

Freddy Murcks said...

Notwithstanding the fact that the Dual Fitness bike video prominently features lots of beautiful boobies, that may be the stupidest thing I have ever seen. Hooray for the boobies though.

McFly said...

I'm going to Colorady on vacation.

McFly said...

Well shit.....let's try again.

Spokey said...

too lazy to do a real boobies comment today.

trying to work up enough energee to pedal over to the voting booth

Anonymous said...

Before they lock me back up . . .

If anyone ever manages to improve on the bike in form and function, you will not need to crowdsource anything. I, and everyone else, will be beating a path to your door.

bieks! said...

GNAR? Now I'm sad that I live 4700km from Philly. Now if you were bringing the GWAR, I'd be thankful to be so far away.

Dragging a 10lb tent + gear is bad enough. Adding 78lbs of trailer just makes me think $2500 could pay for a lot of glamping instead.

Spokey said...

two us drag a nice 4 person (perhaps 4 midget is more accurate) tent around. i think it is around 8 lbs. So my share of the tent is 4 lbs out of the 50-60 I drag around on a self supported tour.

I've found it a struggle up the mountains in western 'merica. don't think i wants to be draggin anymore than that.

JLRB said...

That trailer will not go most places you want to go camping. If I am going to schlep all the way into the wilds for artisinal coffee bourbon and fornication, I want my trailer to be somewhere besides right off the fire road.

Can't make Philly - someone post blackmarket videos

crosspalms said...

Did somebody say projecting metal nose?

PotbellyJoe said...

Please. Riding your bike 30 miles to go camping rather than taking your Prius. Congratulations, you saved the Earth. Unfortunately it was offset by the fact that you left the light on in your basement. Did you have a campfire? Awesome, I bet the s'mores were delicious and totally worth the CO2 you made that would have equated to you driving a Hummer H2 to the campgrounds.

Or you know, do the green thing and just stay home in your parent's basement with a thick blanket so no one who comes downstairs can tell you aren't wearing pants.

How do these people get anything done in life? All they ever think about is what they can't do for fear that it may somehow kill the Earth 4000 years from now.

I'm banking on better technology that will come through and clean it all up in 500 years.

mikeweb said...

You had me at woman in a bikini on a bicycle video.

On Sunday I took a little cycling adventure up the South County Trailway. Somewhere in northern Yonkers I thought I might have run over a small forest varmint when something black and furry dashed into my path and I was hoping it wasn't someone's pet kitty. I didn't stop and check though, since I have no regard for small mammalian life when I'm bikecycling. On the way back in that same spot I saw a live black squirrel doing squirrel type activities at the side of the trail, so it seems his attempted suicide by running into my front wheel was unsuccessful.

Later that day at the Brooklyn end of the Manhattan bridge, a pleasant woman handed me a free bike light. It wasn't until I got home that I saw it was compliments of 'Bike Lawyers - in memory of Matthew Brenner, killed 7/6/2014'. It also occurred to me that maybe the young woman giving out the lights knew him. Damn.

Today as I was riding up the Jay St. gauntlet to get to the Manhattan bridge, a MTA bus driver decided to pull into the bike lane to wedge himself into the line of vehicles backed up at the next light while looking right at me in his rear view mirror. As I squeezed through the foot and a half space he left me, I heard him exclaim, "You gotta be fuckin' jokin". So it's good to know that there's at least one subintelligent psychopath driving a 30 ton city bus.

Finally, later in my commute as I was at 6th Ave and 39th St, a taxi driver swerved into the bike lane right in front of me and my hand ran into his driver side rear view mirror causing it to give way (and hopefully break). As I continued on, without looking back I gave him a thumbs up sign to let him know that despite his best efforts he didn't break my hand.

This concludes my bikecycle related drollery for now.

RB1 said...

don't tell anyone, but the food at the gran fondo camp is really good.

Spokey said...

joe

Save the Earth is a red herring. The earth will be fine.

At least until the waning sun expands and gobbles it up in a fiery demise.

At best our ego-centric selves are only trying to save ourselves. The cockroaches may win but there will be plenty of life on this planet regardless of what we do.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in conserving stuff. Recycled can in the 60s. When I worked for Ma Bell in the 70s a couple of us would meet at lunch and trade the contents of our trunks because we had different abilities locally for recycling (i could do newspapers and one woman could do aluminum for ex).

And I've had a couple cars that got upper 30s / low 40s mpg. But then I've also had fun cars. That 300zx convertible couldn't get 20 mpg doing downhill on a trip.


But these knuckle heads who listen to Gore (or DiCaprio and other Bollywood idiots) probably pollutes more in a year than I will in my lifetime really get to me.

The whole argument for global cooling (first), global warming (second), or the new climate change is another red herring. Doesn't matter whether we're doing it or not. What matters is 1) is it really happening, 2) does it matter, 3) can we mitigate the bad effects or would we be better off spending our money learning to live with it if we can't mitigate it.

I do think you're right. We will solve any of these problems (if they exist). I disagree on the time frame. Assuming that issues are as near term as the fear mongerers suggest, tech will solve problem far faster. snobbie might have to come over here in the hemorrhoids to somewhat higher ground.

leroy said...

Election day, again.

Voted for my dog as write in candidate for Governor because still ticked off about Moreland Commission disbandment and Cuomo's refusal to debate in primary.

Of course it's a meaningless protest.

And of course when I go to collect the bus fare to Philadelphia my dog promised me for my vote, he won't pay up because vote selling is illegal.

Oh well, it's not like a trip to Philadelphia would restore my faith in democracy.

And I know better than to trust my dog when he offers travel arrangements with grey hound.

Last time, that meant I was the designated driver for him and his buddies.

McFly said...

How many Juanita's will fit into a Wide Path camper? 2? 3?

Is that Buffalo Bill doing the voice over?

"Are you about a size 14?"

Spokey said...

The mutt has my vote although I think there is a residency requirement so we'll see. If your dog becomes my senator, I expect big payola kickbacks. At least some tasty treats.

Jail Bait said...

I'm a 16yo female cycling fan and I am all alone for the week. My boobs are so big that my Rapha jersey can barely curate them and my bike shorts are so tight that I have major camel toe. Would one of you strong, middle aged men please cum to my house and help me rearrange my toolbox. Bring wine coolers. I love wine coolers.

DB said...

Sorry I'm late.
I was watching the Dual Drive video ten times.
Fort Lauderdale will be underwater in a few years. Version 2 will be a water bike.

Your Mother said...

Jail Bait - It wasn't funny in yesterday's comments, either.

Jail Bait said...

Your Mother - I thought it was kind of funny. I purposely wrote the most unsexy come on in the history of come ons. And I did make some revisions.

leroy said...

"You want a "green, back-to-nature experience?" Move to the forest permanently and revert to a feral state."

If only I had nickel for every time my dog told me that....

Dylan Mackintosh said...

Snob,
Was wondering if you saw this, "Olympic medalist Chris Boardman refuses to wear helmet for BBC programme on cycling safety - and then defends it"

PotbellyJoe said...

I agree Spokey, but how does that help me set my Fantasy Football line-up?

Is Tannehill a sure bet as a replacement for Nick Foles?

These are the issues that plague humans on a daily basis.

Spokey said...

don't know joe. I don't even watch real(?) football. I reserved my fantasy for more imaginative experiences. And haven't had any problem with setting that up.

Spokey said...

where the hell is tannehill? Does it sport a good bar with irish musak?

dop said...

my brother attended Feral State

caPt scrAnus said...

My boobs are so big that my Rapha jersey can barely curate them

Who cares? This board is more about qual-tity than quan-tity as you surely should realize if you read the posts & comments for more than a few minutes

Comment deleted said...

Re: the dual drive bike. I've always thought that the normal bicycle wasn't bad enough for the back. This is a break-through!

trama said...

an 88 lb Danish poundhouse? I'll take it. I walk hills anyways.

Anonymous said...

deletion author has been removing on its progenitor

wle

Anonymous said...

no, YOU prove you are not a
robot
robot
robot
robot

wle

Anonymous said...

Choose an identityChoose an identityChoose an identityChoose an identityChoose an identity

YOU Choose an identity

108

Type the text: Type the text: Type the text:

You will be commanded to sign rigth after commenting your commention.

Anonymous said...

Spokey, re your questions about what matters:
1) yes
2) yes
3) yes but no
Doubt is a good thing, but now that the facts have been presented, honest skeptics will use another mental tool called reasoning.

grog said...

Have a nice erection day Snobbie.
MORE BABE
VOTE BIKE

PotbellyJoe said...

I was thankful it was warmer today, my Simca doesn't like it when it's cold.

And since it's election day, I finally listened to all of my voicemails from the last two months. I felt bad about my friend not getting a ride home that he clearly needed, he said so 7 times in 5 different calls, but I felt even worse after listening to the 85 other voicemails about how terrible every candidate is this year. They're all colluding against us, like the UCI and WADA colludes against Marco Pantani. We're screwed. It's only a short time before they have us all killed and start casting votes for us. It's like they (whoever "They" is) Grandpa voted republican until he died and then he started voting democrat.

It was depressing so I went on the interwebs to cheer myself with impulse Amazonian purchases. I call it retail debt therapy. And there I saw that a website that wants me to use them to buy my next car says they know how I'll vote because of what kind of car I own. I said, "Fat Chance." and called them and spoke to one of their reps and asked who the other owners of a 1957 Simca voted for. She said they voted Democrat, but I think she was saying the other owners were all dead and you know what they say about how dead people vote.

So here I sit in NYC's sports event holding state and wonder why we even vote at all. As P.J. O'Rouke wrote, Don't Vote It Just Encourages the Bastards. That's as much of his books as I've read. The title. And I liked it so I figured why read any more of it and just disappoint myself when I'm already okay with the book.

Happy trails. Everywhere.

Nelson Queralta said...

"Also, as the shirtless sidewalk-riding capital of the world, America's Wang isn't generally known for its bike culture. However, it's worth noting they've got surprisingly good bike-handling skills down there. In particular, davening over your cockpit like that seems like an excellent way to ride into a tree, yet somehow they remain upright."

Idk man, the cycling culture down here in Miami is pretty good. Specially the Freds and TriDorks. Perfect weather all year and flat roads.

Anonymous said...

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

www.boycottamericanwomen.com

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

hahaha - Yes, Ironic, the robot asks me to prove I am not a robot!

mikeweb -
I too saw a headlight giveaway recently. I think it was yesterday evening on the Brooklyn side of the Williamsburg Bridge.
I also had to squeeze between an aggressive bus driver (trying to practically push the cars thru the red light wtf??). He didn't say anything though. This was on Houston going to Bowery. Jay is a pain also.

On Bond St going to Livingston St in Brooklyn, saw a really nice gold anodized Alan aluminimumim bike with barcon shifters and centerpulls. Gorgeous.

My voto was my voz. I voted aqui. I cast a ballot for who I wanted and the machine will decide whether to count it or not. I showed ID because I'm old fashioned.

So far so good for Philly. Looking forward!

Amazing day outside ! Great ride to work!
Oh crap I left the light on in my basement!

vsk

bad boy of the north said...

wow....recycling newspapers in the 70's.what a memory.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Everyday I read this blog and I laugh. Then I thank Lob I don't live in a big city. Then I cry because I don't live in he shirtless sidewalk-riding capital of the world where you know, boobs.

Charlie said...

Spokey,

"...meet at lunch and trade the contents of our trunks..."

I assume you mean swim trunks?

- Confused

balls™ said...

boycotamericanwomen-

Someone isn't getting laid, amiright?

You're a loser, get over it.

badcomputer_92374 said...

Snob, that arm-bike thing an Airdyne on two wheels. I see a patent lawsuit in someone's future.

Speaking of mind control, here's the next generation of we-value-your-privacy-oh-no-we-don't-and-we'll-modify-your-internet-experience-too: https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2014/11/verizon-x-uidh

Livable streets FTW!

McLovin' said...

"boycotamericanwomen-
Someone isn't getting laid, amiright?
You're a loser, get over it.


He is not the only loser. If his new web site gets 1/10 the male loser traffic on the internet he is going to make enough money to buy all the american women he can handle.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Boycotamericanwomen reminds me of this song. He should use this on his blog for a theme song.

Fine Girl by F. Zappa

Well, yeah, well
Oh yeah
She was a fine girl
She could get down wit de get down
All de way down
She do yer laundry
She change a tire
Chop a little wood for de fire
Poke it around...if it died down
Oh yeah
She was a fine girl
She go up in the mornin'
She go down in the evenin'...all de way down
She do the dishes
If you wishes
Silverware too
Make it look brand new...when she get through
Oh yeah
She was a fine girl
Outa this world
Well, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well
Oh yeah
She was a fine girl
She could get down wit de get down
All de way down
She do your laundry
She change a tire
Chop a little wood for de fire
Poke it around...if it died down
Oh yeah
She was a fine girl
With a lovely smile
With a bucket on her head
Fulla water from de well
She could run a mile
Oh yeah
She wouldn't spill a drop
It'd stay on top
Her head was kinda flat
But her hair covered that
She was a fine girl
Didn't need no school
She was built like a mule
With a thong sandal
Well, wasn't no kinda job she could not handle
She could get down...wit de get down
All de way down
We need some more like dat in dis kinda town
We need some more like dat in dis kinda town
We need some more like dat in dis kinda town
We need some more like dat in dis kinda town...
We need some more like dat...

CommieCanuck said...

wouldn't it be ironic if Snob snapped and started selling BSNYC healments?

1/10 the male loser traffic on the internet is twice the GDP of the USA and Germany combined, and a potential source of limitless energy IF ONLY WE COULD HARNESS IT.

CommieCanuck said...

In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean

HOW ARE YOU STILL SINGLE. I contemplated homosexuality there for a second, but I can't dress for shit.

wishiwasmerckx said...

If I was possessed of such a dystopian vision of the future, I wouldn't bring 17 children into it...just sayin'...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Crosspalms, nice Tyco Brahe reference.

JB said...

boycotamericanwomen...

Any port in a storm, captain. Any port in a storm.

sTONEdEADLAND said...

Thanks for the ZapCap RC!

Boycott U said...

Anonidiot

Blog Drafter said...

I voted almost straight party NeoBolshevik with a couple True Vegetarian write-ins. The NeoBolsheviks really do have the most engaging narrative right now. I got a special booth and everything…change never felt so good.

Anonymous said...

TOP 50???

NH headed to philly said...

Anybody who can even bust out a 'heady melange' is pretty much a demi god with a hydration pack

Spokey said...

Anonymous @1:04 PM

but now that the facts have been presented, honest skeptics will use another mental tool called reasoning.

agreed. also true that those same will continue to be skeptical when the claim fails the scientific method as it has for all these years. remember that little inconvenience? The one where you state a hypothesis, make predictions, test the result, repeat above until you can consistently get the predicted results?

Anonymous said...

About the only thing I can imagine worse than pulling a 90-pound love shack up a hill is having it push me down the other side. It might be just the ticket in America’s Wang, however.

Spokey said...

they know how I'll vote because of what kind of car I own. I said, "Fat Chance".

is a Fat Chance some kind of upscale Yugo? Does it have dik breaks? 0% financing? Can I get one even though I wrote the mutt in for our (that includes you bub) next senator?

Freddy Murcks said...

Dear Boycott American Women - Have you hit up Jail bait yet. I hear that she uses a Rapha jersey to curate her big American boobs. And she's alone for the week. Seems like she may be just your type*.



*And by "type" I mean that she a 250lb FBI agent who will likely ass rape you and then arrest you for trolling for underage girls. Arrest notwithstanding, I am pretty sure that a little rough and ready anal action is just what BAW is looking for.

T.Wat Face said...

My Podium is massive, so I'm on it. Like a car bonnet. That's the hood to the feral Canadians.

Anonymous said...

Fat City Cycles, including the Fat Chance, are very superior to the Yugo, duh.

Anonymous said...

88 pounds (better not be kilos) unloaded?!!

Only in the flatlands, my friends. Good luck going up any significant climbs. Any hills and your calfs will be a little more than "chunky."

crosspalms said...

wiwm,
I think his elk was in that movie, too, only it played Lee Marvin's horse.

dop said...

RCT:

SUBSTITUTE you for my mom...
At least I'll get my laundy done

(drum riff)


and those weren't Americans...Limey's sang that song

Not so Petty said...

Well, she was an American girl
Raised on promises
She couldn't help thinkin'
That there was a little more to life somewhere else
After all it was a great big world
With lots of places to run to
And if she had to die tryin'
She had one little promise she was gonna keep

O yeah, all right
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night
She was an American girl

Well it was kind of cold that night,
She stood alone on her balcony
Yeah, she could hear the cars roll by,
Out on 441 like waves crashin' on the beach
And for one desperate moment
There he crept back in her memory
God it's so painful when something that's so close
Is still so far out of reach

O yeah, all right
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night
She was an American girl

CommieCanuck said...

This is more practical then a bike trailer.

Comment deleted said...

I've been in a head tent. It was nothing like that, CC.

Spokey said...

CC

wonderful find. I like the promise that even a drunk can set it up.

I see to prove that they have a picture with a tent in use and the proprietor hugging some sort of whiskey bottle. Even better he set it up with no hands evident. I still have a couple hands so it ought to be a snap.

dop said...

And now for something completely different:

naked cyclists

Spokey said...

or naked cyclists

Herschel Raney said...

I find it hard to believe that there are bicycle blog readers who still think global warming is a farce constructed by a worldwide conspiracy of earth scientists. I had held bicyclists higher. They tend to be the ones that do vote and that understand that Jesus was the bastard biologic child of Mary and not the miracle son of the Creator of the Universe. Though he was spiritually advanced beyond all of us.

Yes, Gore is an asshole, but we have wasted 20 years thinking about doing some serious work on the CO2 problem.

Fixing it, unfortunately, is not compatible with the system of unfettered Capitalism as we know it.

Oh shit. And I will be in the ground before Florida is under water anyway. And don't pretend you are doing anything by dragging that trailer monstrosity around with your bike. Fuck off trailer boys.

Anonymous said...

That bike trailer will work in Denmark because there are no crosswinds there.

dop said...

Why wouldn't there be cyclists who deny climate change? There are cyclist who buy gravel bikes for chrissake. (and Joe was a nice man, taking in Mary & her incipient neonate)

Spokey-

Thanks
for the edit

crosspalms said...

I had the left side of my face sanded by ice pellets on the way home Friday, but didn't see this.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Bicycle blog? What bicycle blog?



vsk

Spokey said...

dop

would have let you struggle with it on your own but mysterious forces forced me to correct it. after all

boobies                                        boobies                                        boobies
  boobies                                    boob boob                                    boobies
    boobies                                boobi    boobi                               boobies
      boobies                            boobie     boobie                           boobies
        boobies                        boobies       boobies                       boobies
          boobies                    boobies           boobies                   boobies
            boobies                boobies               boobies               boobies
              boobies            boobies                   boobies           boobies
                boobies        boobies                       boobies       boobies
                  boobies    boobies                           boobies   boobies
                    boobiesboobies                               boobiesboobies
                      boobiobies                                       boobiobies
                        booies                                               booies

Jobz Boner said...

I don't know about the wisdom of the Dual Drive Bike, but I love the boobies.

Anonymous said...

Lets all ride to our holiday in biketopia.

Grump said...

Dual Drive.
I can see it now.
Going into turn number three on the bell lap in the Tour De industrial Park, pedaling and spinning your arms at 125 RPM, you throw you bike at the line, and......and.....You go flying off the bike, and die.
.

Fine Quality Rack said...

Hand crank babe, I think she also appeared in Handsom Rack Magazine.

Tongue Mouth Throat a Triple Play said...

CC@217. But they know how to swallow. Who care if they learned through cheating.

Rack of Lamb said...

Seals like hand crank babe. Not navy seals, ocean seals. What does that mean in the video? Hand crank saleswoman has a great rack. Forget the bike, if she starts a Kickstarter campaign selling kisses, licks or sucks, I'm in.

McFly said...

So I'm watching The Voice with Gwen Stefani and I am thinking how lucky Gavin Rossdale is to get to play in bush. I don't know....maybe bush is no longer together.

Top said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Top said...

Ah, sarcasm. Thanks bikesnob for pouring sarcasm-hot-sauce on my wonder bread of-a-day.

Spokey said...

hmmm

Spokey said...

where might that leroy be hidings

Spokey said...

just to sneak in here

Spokey said...

and snag century PODI

but I'll dedicate it to the mutt. He'll try to claim it anyways.

Fifth Wheel said...

Forget the small house movement, if you really want to rack up some envio-karma then park that trailer, that is too heavy to pull behind a bicycle, in some friends backyard and live in it.

Just Sayin' said...

Those who dislike BAW...
Don't get out of the US much,huh?
Your gringas are pretty far down on the totem pole of desirability. Only Canadian chicks are lower. No one wants a mouthy traitor in their bed...

benDE said...

BAW is a fucking idiot for two reason:

1. He posts on an unrelated blog without even having the decency to craft his message to make it in the least bit funny or amusing. The only thing worse than uninvited promotional posting is bad uninvited promotional posting.

2. He states an observation that is so self-evident who the hell would ever click on the link to find out more?

Those married to an AW know it already and those not married to an AW, well, know it as well apparently.

Anonymous said...

Herschel Raney -

Florida will be underwater? Is this true? What can we do to expedite this process?

ce said...

They don't like being called "trailer trash", but will go along with "caravan compostables".

Anonymous said...

American Women, p/b Olivegarden

Sea World said...

”Seals like hand crank babe. Not navy seals, ocean seals. What does that mean in the video?”

Well some of those shirtless guys could be U.S. Navy SEALS, but those are ocean sea lions in the hand crank video, not seals.

Not that sea lions are native to anywhere near where the hand crank video was shot.

Also (not that anyone asked) the US. Navy has both SEALS and
sea lions.

alpaca lips said...

A short serious comment for Spokey on the global warming issue:

I am a professor of physics in a good department, and I know a whole lot of folks in the earth sciences who study climate change; I also have the background to understand the technical arguments on their merits; and finally, I understand the culture of science from the inside.

You have been hoodwinked by a disinformation campaign that has persuaded you, somehow, that all these people don't know what they're talking about.

Unfortunately, they do.

Anonymous said...

Sweet! the climate change debate comes to BSNYC! Can't we please get back to what makes a Jew a Jew so we can possibly start throwing the Holocaust word around in its proper context? It just takes too long if the jumping on point starts at climate change.

I've been reading comments sections all over the place recently. Can you tell?

Spokey said...

alpaca

interesting that you and HR seem to be so rigid in your own thinking that you assume that anyone who isn't 100% lockstep with you are deniers (my words) etc.

If you were to read my post critically with an open mind, you would realize that I didn't posit that it exists or doesn't exist so it's a little hard for me to understand how I've been hoodwinked.

You did not, but HR went on a bit of a rant on CO2. I guess assuming that I didn't think that was a problem either although I never mentioned CO2. That's kind of the problem with blinders. In fact I think that CO2 is a really big problem. But more so for the oceans and their ability to produce oxygen. In case you weren't aware, the oceans do a great job of sequestering CO2. Unfortunately that is the problem as you can find out by examining the record that does exist for that eco-system.

I did point out that the subject area has radically changed over time from the deep freeze, to scorch, to now just change. I guess that shows science at work. As the scientists realize their hypothesis is wrong they come up with a new one for testing.

I did say that it didn't matter and wrote what I think are the important questions. Perhaps that's where you think I've been hoodwinked. But as HR suggests, I'm just the stupidist person alive who rides a bicycle for having an open mind so I probably should just shut up about it now. That is what most people want anyway. Just shut up brain.

William Henry Welch said...

”I am a professor of physics in a good department, and I know a whole lot of folks in the earth sciences who study climate change; I also have the background to understand the technical arguments on their merits; and finally, I understand the culture of science from the inside.”

No you are not and no you don’t.

Climate “scientists” constantly report claimed results to 2 or 3 decimal points. This is beyond the precision of the thermometers used to collect the data. If you really were “a professor of physics in a good department” you would understand significant digits and propagation of uncertainty. If you looked at how temperature data has been collected over the decades you would see the data is not good enough to find the small increases climate “scientists” are claiming.

You would also understand the concept of “average global temperature” is meaningless.

And you would understand “culture of science” is meaningless. It all about and only about data, methods and theory. Culture has nothing to do with it.

What you are is a lay person who reads magazines and thinks science is what other people tell you, not what you figure out for yourself. You decide to believe on group of people vs. another based on whether you like them, not based on you review of the data and methods. And you expect other people to believe the “scientists” you like just because you say we should, without offering any data nor reasoning.

alpaca lips said...

Spokey --

I was reacting to your comment from 1:04 PM:

also true that those same will continue to be skeptical when the claim fails the scientific method as it has for all these years. remember that little inconvenience? The one where you state a hypothesis, make predictions, test the result, repeat above until you can consistently get the predicted results?


This simply isn't true. It's a propagandistic misrepresentation of the state of climate science.

And it really has not gone from deep freeze to whatever -- back in the 1970s there was some concern that particulate cooling might outweigh greenhouse gas warming, but that concern quickly faded as better info came in. But it's used to this day by the denialist flacks as the "scientists keep changing their minds!" meme.

alpaca lips said...

William Henry Welch --

Yes I am, and yes I do.

I have a class to teach right now, in fact.

Interesting that you automatically assume that I misrepresent myself because I reach different conclusions that you do.

JB said...

3SIG FIGS

JLRB said...

It appears I've stumbled upon the Breakfast Club - I'm in the math club, the latin club, and the physics club

JLRB said...

And I had my first sighting of someone else wearing a wah hoo cap during this morning's commute. Thankfully, that little wah hoo moment was the most exciting thing that happened on the ride.

Spokey said...

my woo-hoo cap claims to have shipped days ago. alas not in sight yet.

maybe time to have a serious conversation with terry at the post office.

janinedm said...

You know what else is good for the triceps? Keeping your tires within spitting distance of properly inflated. Why were all the tires so low in that video? I mean the creator could probably have a more successful Kickstarter campaign if he just filmed that: bikini girls inflating tires.

Terry @ the Post Office said...

Lick my stamp bitch.

bad boy of the north said...

spokey,that is some boobie link.
dop,you tried.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

We are all on a big iron ore rock weighing several septillion fucktonneloads (US). This "intelligently designed" or luck of the universal lottery draw rock has a wishy washy mass of water on it and water vapor wafting around it plus gases held to it by gravity. Not to mention a self generated magnetic field that wigs out and an sphere of charged ions (ionosphere), and I don't know, any ozone anymore?

It is an imprecise mass of shit swirling around that is impervious to the idea of me starting the 16 cylinders of my boat and going for a mindless ride to capture and release a fish or riding my bike to work enveloped in a layer of smugness held out only by limits of my self righteousness.

We all fart methane and exhale crabon DieOxide (which the oxygen producing plants kind of need).

There's nothing anyone's Toyota Pius can do about it.

Airborne particulates, well, that's a worthy fight.

vsk

if you can't post the letter, at least lick the stamp said...

climate change, schmimate change

Road Bike Party!!!

dop

Anonymous said...

Funny how alpaca lips sounds a lot like apocalypse

Bama Phred said...

Fucktonneload. Defined by how much Cipo "emits"? I guess that would be a metric unit. It would have to be Chuck Norris to be a US unit.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Imperial Fucktonneload vs. Standard FTL.

vsk

Lowe Rob said...

I am an incredibly awkward science nerd and we are all going to die

dop said...

you gotta eat lightning and crap thunder

Spokey said...

dop

congrats on your now successful link curating today.

But how?

is it just boobies that you have trouble with?

if so, count me in on helping with future boobie link problems



apparently robot is pissed with my recent posts too and thinks disembogues metgynd will stop me in my tracks.

dop said...

snob is headed to philly...a rocky reference was needed

alpaca lips said...

I just managed to read over William Henry Welch's comment in which he asserted I'm not actually a scientist.

It is, from the first syllable to the last, bullshit.

Apparently he doesn't understand signal averaging, and it goes downhill from there.

Also, this isn't the forum for this kind of discussion, since it has nothing to do with scranii or boobs.

Mmmmm ... boooobs

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