Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Wednesday spelled backwards is Wednesday spelled backwards.

So yesterday I was on the subway, because this is New York City that that's what you do, and as we rumbled along I noticed that the gentleman standing next to me was drawing something:


At first I thought maybe he was surreptitiously sketching his fellow riders.  "Who says this is no longer a town for artists!," I thought to myself.  Clearly David Byrne, Patti Smith, and every other rich, aging artist who has taken to the pages of the Times and the Guardian to denounce New York City as a materialistic cultural wasteland were wrong.  But then I glanced over at the paper, at which point I realized he was basically drawing porn.

Unfortunately I was unable to obtain a photo of the porn, because even in 21st century New York City it's generally unwise to take obvious pictures of the sorts of people who draw pornography on the subway.  Instead, I was forced to pretend that I was reading my phone while surreptitiously shooting photos, but I was unable to get the right angle while maintaining the ruse.  Even inverting the photo and zooming it in doesn't reveal the image, thanks the the artist's surprisingly delicate line work:


I can, however, report that it appeared to be a representation of a woman with her hands tied behind her back squatting over a man's face, but whether she was receiving cunnilingus or administering urine or feces I cannot say.  I also suspect that the artist is not under the impression he is drawing porn, and is probably a devotee of "manga" or some other dark facet of extreme nerdism.  Still, call me old-fashioned, but when I see a picture of a woman squatting over a man's face, I says it's porn.

Speaking of material with little in the way of redeeming cultural value, I found myself reading an inverview with Levi Leipheimer this morning:


In which the interviewer makes this observation:

VN: They probably appreciate it, too. I mean, I doubt parents are saying, “you better not listen to Levi because he made bad decisions so many years ago.”

This is patently untrue.  In fact, I said just this to my seventeen (17) children the other day.  There we were, playing with our USADA Reasoned Decision flash cards, and I said to them all, "See this guy?  Don't listen to him!"


Believe me, it's not specific to Levi.  I just don't want my children listening to pro cyclists, or indeed any pro athlete.  What life experience does an athlete have that is in any way relevant or useful to the rest of us?  Dedication?  Determination?  Please.  If anything, life is the art of knowing exactly when to quit, which is pretty much the antithesis of professional sports.

Other people I tell my children not to listen to are Ralph Kramden, because his harebrained schemes always backfire:


And of course Jesus:


It's not like Jesus didn't have some nice things to say, it's just that nothing good has come from any of it.  If my children are going to learn from fictional characters I'd much rather them watch TV.  For example, "Sesame Street" teaches children pretty much exactly the same values Jesus does, with the added benefit that nobody has ever used some shit Elmo said as the pretext for invading another country.

Actually, that's not entirely true:


("'O' is for 'Oil,' and 'A' is for 'Airstrike!'")

I guess what I'm saying is that the sooner you teach your kids they're living in an Orwellian dystopia the better, which is why when they behave mine get to watch the move version of "1984:"


It's just like the Pixar movie "Ratatouille," except instead of being lovable and charming the rat just chews through is face.



Mercatone Uno president Romano Cenni has hired a lawyer in a bid to have victory at the 1999 Giro d’Italia assigned to the late Marco Pantani. Cenni’s legal action follows claims – 15 years old but recently re-aired extensively in the Italian press – of irregularities in the testing procedures when Pantani returned a high haematocrit on the penultimate day of that Giro and was forced out of the race while leading the overall standings.

So wait a minute: Lance Armstrong dopes and then loses his seven Tours years after the fact, while Pantani dopes, doesn't even finish the Giro, and might win it anyway?  I can't believe this sport's not more popular!  I mean, the arguments are so consistent!

Naturally, it's all a conspiracy:

“I can’t say if it was a conspiracy, an error or something else, but what I am certain of is that new elements are emerging which show that the decision taken against Marco Pantani and the Mercatone Uno team should be modified and revised,” lawyer Marco Baroncini told mediaset.it.

“Mercatone Uno and, in particular, its president Romano Cenni, just want for Pantani to be given what was taken unjustly from him and the team.”

What the hell is it with Marco Pantani and conspiracy theories?  He's like the Italian Tupac:


(Both bald, both fond of bandanas, both probably still alive somewhere.)

For his part, current 1999 Giro winner Ivan Gotti is okay with it:

In Pantani’s absence, Ivan Gotti overcame Paolo Savoldelli on the Mortirolo to move into the pink jersey and he went on to claim final overall victory in Milan the following day. It was Gotti’s second Giro victory following his 1997 triumph, but it was wholly overshadowed by the furore that surrounded Pantani’s exclusion.

Speaking to Gazzetta dello Sport on Wednesday, Gotti said that he would have no objections if the 1999 Giro was taken from his palmares and posthumously awarded to Pantani, who died in 2004.

“Re-writing history isn’t a problem relative to what happened to poor Marco,” Gotti said. “If they were to award him that Giro, I wouldn’t feel deprived of something. I’m prepared to give it up.”

Yeah, of course he's okay with it.  Nobody remembers who he is now, much less that he won the Giro that year, so giving the win to a famous dead guy is a great way to get some bonus publicity.  By the way, remember Paulo Savoldelli, a.k.a. "Il Falco," the guy whose whole schtick was that he was good at descending?


(Salvoldelli going down like Cipollini on date night.)

In retrospect, it's pretty hilarious that in those days everyone was so doped they couldn't even out-climb each other anymore, so the only way left to get an edge was to be really good at going down the mountains.

This whole goddamn sport is a race to the bottm.

And of course let's not forget that Pantani was supposedly "murdered" for some reason:

In recent months, magistrates in Italy have announced that they will re-examine both the circumstances surrounding Pantani’s haematocrit test in 1999 and his untimely death in Rimini in 2004. In August, a lawyer acting on behalf of Pantani’s parents submitted a dossier to magistrates in Rimini claiming that he had been murdered by being forced to drink a solution of water and cocaine.

Forced to drink a solution of water and cocaine?  I'm so sure.  Just like when they put a gun to your head at TGI Friday's and force you to order the Death By Chocolate:


("Eat that goddamn sundae, you mudder fucker!")

That looks uncannily like the TGI Friday's in Penn Station, by the way.

Lastly, if you really want to get depressed, here's the "most dangerous junction in the Netherlands," which would just as easily be the safest intersection in New York:



Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai.

274 comments:

1 – 200 of 274   Newer›   Newest»
bieks! said...

meh

samh said...

What do you do on Wednesday again?

samh said...

Slow peloton today I guess.

bieks! said...

Now that I've read it,

Letle Viride

balls™ said...

Pink canoe!

JLRB said...

top 10-ish anyone

dop said...

should've just looked at the pictures

JLRB said...

Are you sure the drawing on the subway didn't involve ass banging a pit bull?

And, why is bat shit so crazy?

bad boy of the north said...

whew!........made it

McFly said...

Your intellengence fone should have a setting to take stills from a paused video. Very handy for subway stealth or taking pics of hawt MILF in yoga pants at the Wal-Mart and sending them to your buddy.

Or so I hear.

Anonymous said...

americans take and understanding of road racing is same level as their knowledge and understanding of soccer.

i encourage everyone to spend more or any time in europe before pretending to have a clue on pantani fate.

berlin

JB said...

Dance Spider!

PotbellyJoe said...

My frequent readership of Bicycling Magazine should put some perspective on just how low I set my standards. Even then, professional cycling consistently finds new and inventive ways of shattering the floor of even general competence.

babble on said...

Wait. What's the matter with porn again?

bad boy of the north said...

hi jb,
I was going to say that.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Did I win the race to the bottm? That would cause a furore...

paulb said...

Another fine one! WCRM is on a roll. Or rolling. Or rolled. Something.

Is it just me, but when I look at the photos on the Riv site home page, before I go over to the Cheviot page to look at the bike I'd like so much to own, it seems like bike life in Riv country is like what Matt McConaughey might be sending back from those planets he visits in his new movie. I can ride up to Harriman SP or Sprain Ridge, it still looks nothing like as much fun as Mt. Diablo SP.

Richard Breaks said...

Mmmmmm, a race to the bottom. Panties on or panties off, I like a good race to the bottom.

Bryan said...

Why does anyone care about a race that happened 15 years ago?? :yawn: The only reason I might find myself watching the pros is for the scenery. Now, watching porn on the other hand...

Richard Breaks said...

Dear Anon @ 11:36 - Go fuck yourself. If you need some advice on how to do it, ask your mother. She's an expert.

leroy said...

Jay Street bike lane blocked this morning by cop ticketing cyclists. Of course, 100 yards past that I have to dodge a tractor trailer coming off the Manhattan Bridge where no "policalty" suspected or expected.

I'd take the subway, but according to my dog, its many mysteries are beyond my ken.

When I asked him how subway artists develop the grip they need to keep their pens steady for their en route illustrations, he just shook his head slowly and walked away.

Top said...

Water and cocaine. High-dration.

Anonymous said...

Epic !
I'm taking the train...

vsk

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Leroy !!
I saw someone with a doggy in a rear bike basket yesterday. Does your pooch travel with ?
[I hate it when people say "come with" as a shortening of "come with you/us" but I succumbed]

I am on that same stretch of Jay Street from Smith St to the Manhattan Bridge about 8 - 8:15am, green + white Olmo. Missed today's constabulary hi jinx as I think it's gonna rain tonight and I suck at this balancing on 2 wheels in the rain. That is a sucky little merge to the bridge access. Reminds me I have to get there earlier and earlier but the getting up stupid o clock early hurts.
I know I'm due for a ticket. Law of averages. We are all guilty of something.

Good luck,

vsk

Richard Breaks said...

Dear Anon @ 11:36 - What is there to understand about Pantani's death and what does if have to do with understanding or not understanding road racing? Pantani was a coke addict, doper piece of shit and he died because of it. Aside from the fact that there are a lot of doper pieces of shit who may or may not also be coke addicts in the European peloton, I don't see how Pantani's death is at all germane to road racing.

badcomputer_9347 said...

There is only one thing to say to Levi, "Shut the f%!ck up Donny!"

No one has ever said anything negative to Bottle is because they don't want to be near Bottle.

What a scumbag.

David Pearce said...

Dear Bike Snob,

Thank god your fellow traveler was drawing a woman with her hands tied behind her squatting over a man's face, and not something REALLY scandalous like Le Déjeuner sur l'herbe by Édouard Manet!

sTONEdEADLAND said...

Theme from the Bottm

DB said...

Hey Crosspalms:
Walz made an Illinois bike cap.



Bama Phred said...

Not taking advice from pro athletes is good advice at any age.

JLRB said...

Pro racing = pro sports = bullshit

Except the World Series

Hockey used to be good, but now they make the coaches and players do stupid interviews from the bench during the game - blechhhh

NFL - can't live with it, can't stop wasting time watching it, but it is full of overgrown mutated criminals

Sports = team work = good

pro messes it all up

Sean said...

Fun fact: historians have been unable to prove Jesus was fictitious and generally agree that he indeed lived and is in fact an historical figure.

Your personal choice as to what to do with the historical accounts of his life and times is up to you...

The King of Park Slope said...

Jesus Saves ...














... you money on lawn care.

McFly said...

You sure the guy wasn't just.....logging an entry into his Sexytimes Journal?

David Pearce said...

No, no, no, no, NO!

Wednesday spelled backwards is backwards spelled Wednesday!

wishiwasmerckx said...

I found Jesus...He was hiding behind the couch...

JB said...

David Pearce: It's spelled M-O-N-E-T. Maybe you should spend more or any time in Europe.

In a few years, Cipo's family will claim that he was murdered: smothered by women's vaginas.

trama said...

I remember those racing days, as they were the days when I actually watched the sport. I used to pump up my sew-ups to 200PSI and descend the backroads (are there any other?) of scruz, mimicking the Ill Falcon.

One day, swinging wide on a teeth-chattering corner, I punctured yet another tire set on some blasted goat heads. They were slow leaks, so I kept going down to the sausage factory in Corralitos. This is when I realized how much better things were going, down around 85PSI and I was carving turns like a pro finally!

SLOW FRED

JB said...

"women's" is really superfluous.

Comment deleted said...

Sean, fun fact: You can't prove a negative.

There is no solid evidence that a historical Jesus walked the earth, and much contradictory noise from his so-called apostles.

P. Bateman said...

i agree with @Richard Breaks - so tired of the euro's whining. its not that i am too stupid to understand things like road racing and soccer - its that they are both just terrible and i have no interest in your lame euro past times.

so suck it. like your mom does.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...i really had no idea how ubiquitous a fetish is having a woman sit on your face among men until i read how many 'boys' ask ladies if they could please sit on their faces.

...i am must be getting too old for this.

shining trapezoid said...

You should hire me to proofread.

Nottingham said...

Stop me if you heard this one, but how a
Raleigh
bicycle used to be made.

crosspalms said...

DB
Nice, but not as nice as Snob's woo-hoo-hoo hat ...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

An Inspector Gadget style mechanical appendage to attach your smart phone to and raise covertly overhead would provide a much better point of view when engaging in this hard-hitting photojournalism of yours.

Should work perfectly as no one is looking up these days. Could also be employed at ground level for viewing upwards depending on the application required.

Herodotus said...

”There is no solid evidence that a historical Jesus walked the earth…”

Pick someone else who supposedly lived 2,000+/- years ago (Plato, Cleopatra, Qin Shihuang, Vercingetorix, etc.) How does the evidence they lived compare to the evidence Jesus did?

Comment deleted said...

Herodotus, your logic equally "proves" that Moe, Larry and Curly walked the streets of Alexandria in the reign of Cleopatra.

"Hey Curly, pick II fingers!"

benDE said...

Dear anon @11:36

The fact of the matter is that zee Germans are just as clueless as zee Amis when it comes to pro bike racing as the only time they woke up from their handball (what a bullshit sport that is!)and fussball induced sports coma to notice bike racing was when a certain doped to the eyeballs kid from Rostock kinda won the TdF.

Since that time they have been thankfully lulled back to sleep with more handball (what a bullshit sport that is!) the vegetation of the crown prince of Germany and a World Cup. Thank God too! The only thing worse then an American pro bike fan is a German one.

To quote another very astute comment-er from this blog 'go fuck yourself'

Bonn

wishiwasmerckx said...

JB, I can only hope that your comment was in jest, for I find that the world is, indeed, large enough to accommodate both a Monet and a Manet.

Jefe said...

I cross an identical intersection everyday, except it also includes light rail. Come to Houston, or as the Dutch would pronounce "House-ton."

CommieCanuck said...

Come to Houston, or as the Dutch would pronounce "House-ton.

The New Yorkers call it House-ton too, pretty sure HewStun is just Texas being Texas.

crosspalms said...

I don't have a carbon frame, but if I give my steel frame an air-assist by attaching a Sodastream bottle, do I have a carbonated bike?

CommieCanuck said...

To quote another very astute comment-er from this blog 'go fuck yourself'

We used to say that all the time in the 80s. Good times.

Freddy Murcks said...

Debating the existence or non-existence of historical figures is pretty far afield from talkin' about bikes and boobs. Nonetheless, I will posit that it is almost universally accepted that there was a historical Jesus. However, like almost all ancient historical figures, the story of Jesus' life that is presented in popular works (e.g., the Bible) is almost certainly highly embellished. And Jesus is particularly problematic due to the fact that there are almost no contemporary writings about Jesus' life and accomplishments. There isn't even an account of his supposed crucifixion in spite of the fact that the Roman were known to have kept impeccable records of such things. The oldest writings that I know of about Jesus are the Gospels, but they were written decades to hundreds of years after Jesus' death. In contrast, there are contemporary accounts of the lives and times of Plato, Cleopatra, and Vercingetorix.

Herodotus said...

"...your logic equally "proves"..."

You must be using definitions of 'logic' and 'proves' that up until now I have been unaware.

I asked a question.

We can choose to believe Cleopatra existed because texts written 2,000+/- talk about her. You (not me) can choose to believe "...Moe, Larry and Curly walked the streets of Alexandria..." but if you do so it will not be on the bias of historic texts.

CommieCanuck said...

I've never seen Marco Pantani and Ben Kingsley in the same room together, just sayin'. Kingsley's career took off after Pantani "died".

Comment deleted said...

Pissy, aren't we, Mr. Ancient Greek historian? I think scare quotes are enough to indicate that I don't hold with such logic.

You know, I always hear that "it is universally accepted that a historical Jesus walked the earth" but then I never hear just *why* it is accepted. It seems it just *is*.

CommieCanuck said...

Debating the existence or non-existence of historical figures is pretty far afield from talkin' about bikes and boobs. Nonetheless, I will posit that it is almost universally accepted that there was a historical Jesus. However, like almost all ancient historical figures, the story of Jesus' life that is presented in popular works (e.g., the Bible) is almost certainly highly embellished. And Jesus is particularly problematic due to the fact that there are almost no contemporary writings about Jesus' life and accomplishments. There isn't even an account of his supposed crucifixion in spite of the fact that the Roman were known to have kept impeccable records of such things. The oldest writings that I know of about Jesus are the Gospels, but they were written decades to hundreds of years after Jesus' death. In contrast, there are contemporary accounts of the lives and times of Plato, Cleopatra, and Vercingetorix.

But in mid 2014, learned scholars at the Vatican hacked Jesus' iCloud account and cleared all that up. Dude was totally into selfies, usually after some water-to-wine miracles.

Jefe said...

CommieCanuck 1:15
There was this guy named Sam at the Battle of San Jacinto, before Texas was Texas. So, if any mispronouncing occurred, it started at least in Virginia where he was born.

Dooth said...

For the love of God! Will people please stop confusing Edouard Manet with Claude Monet! Enough already!

Herschel Raney said...

How exactly does one not understand soccer? Or bicycles racing against each other?

Eurohatred here today.

Whether Jesus was or wasn't is not, of course, the big argument. Read just the introduction to Stephen Mitchell's The Gospel According to Jesus. Read the rest if you are into it.

Porn is porn. Another long argument. But hand drawing it on a public subway? Is porny.

crosspalms said...

dooth,
My cat got loose near "Dejeuner sur l'herbe." Upshot? Clawed Monet.

Jim Chapman said...

JB damn those French impressionists and their similar looking names . Could they not at least've foreseen the confusion they'd cause and chosen different goddam artistic movements to be part of.

P. Bateman said...

wow, historical debate. dont see that on here too often.

and fuck monet too. boring ass pretty flowers and ponds. snoooze.

give me some O.L. Samuels. homeboys on acid, that is what i like.

McFly said...

Hersch,

Here in Canada's Redman Foil Pouch my boy is a huge soccer fan/player and people are constanly belittling the sport, as well as psychling. I'm like hey just because you fat little f**cks can't run or pedal doesn't mean it's stoopid.

DB said...

I'm at about seven Comments of the Day so far.

Hey, Folks: I have 15 years of Cycle Sports magazine, late 90's-2012.
Save them or Pitch them?
I await your consideration on this matter.

babble on said...

Anon@11:36. Yer just a Euro-poser. Any real European would have called it football. Or even footy.

And I am sorry, but how does spending time in Europe grant you an understandiong of something that happened behind closed doors fifteen years ago? Suddenly you've got the Tardis at hand?

But whateves... haters gonna hate.
L.M.P.C.

il Pirata est Mort said...

I hired Jesus. We called him Choo-Choo. He was one of seventeen living brothers and sisters.

Herodotus said...

"So, if any mispronouncing occurred, it started at least in Virginia where he was born."

So, how do we know how Mr. Sam's last name was pronounced in Virginia, back when he was born?

Freddy Murcks said...

DB - Send them to Anon @ 11:36. He loves that late 90s early 2000s cycling shit.

ken e. said...

"It's not like Jesus didn't have some nice things to say..." comedic chain of events or what?

HOLY FUCK
MRCO RVST
3STO OGES

Smothered said...

JB@1239: "In a few years, Cipo's family will claim that he was murdered: smothered by women's vaginas."

Would that be classified as "suffocation by Octopussy"?

Comment deleted said...

women's vaginas -- the best kind.

But it's "vaginae"; please don't miss the opportunity again.

PotbellyJoe said...

Many white people will tell you that they are very into soccer. But be careful, it’s a trap.

If you then attempt to engage them about your favorite soccer team or talk about famous moments in soccer history, you are likely to be met with blank stares. This is because white people don’t actually enjoy watching soccer, they just like telling their friends that they are into it.

In fact, the main reason white people like soccer is so they can buy a new scarf. As you may or may not know, many soccer teams issue special scarves, and white people cannot get enough of them!

Most white people choose a favorite soccer team based on either a study abroad experience or a particularly long vacation to Europe or South America. When they return, they like to tell their friends about how great “football” is and that they are committed to ‘getting more into’ now that they have returned home.

Comment deleted said...

Also, how do we know how Sam Houston's name was pronounced in Ol' Vaginae?

Spokey said...

babs

since the bbc cut the whovian budget you can get rides in the tardis for a mere 15 quid. +5 if you pick the time. another +3 if you pick the place.

P. Bateman said...

there is only one real football and it involves Leroy's 'Dawgs.

is it saturday yet?

fucking gators.

Spokey said...

Anonymous Herodotus @ 2:20 PM

So, how do we know how Mr. Sam's last name was pronounced in Virginia, back when he was born?

23 quid


robot sez it sent 4808 to the bbc and now knows everything about leroy's dog. a book is forthcoming.

Vernal Magina said...

I was born in the same hospital as Barbara Bush. It's true, you could look it up.

dop said...

Wednesday spelled backward is actually yadsendeW.

Paul Harvey said...

Once they have finished talking, it is acceptable to ask for favors.

We are all God and God is all of us said...

Believe or not

Big religion is an easy target

The idea of Jesus lived and lives

Nice things to say - nurture the good peaceful bits inside you - call it Christ's peace if it suits you

DB said...

Since we're not talking about bikes or boobs anymore today, I think the best album of the year is Lost in The Dream by The War On Drugs.

Saul Rabinowitz said...

As a Jew living in America and having been steeped in Judeo-Christian American culture, I try to maintain my sanity by thinking of Jesus as a rabbi who had some nice things to say about the way people should live their lives. I take exception to the son of God part. And I kinda doubt that the historical Jesus, if such a person actually even existed, ever proclaimed himself to be the son of God. And here's why I consider it to be unlikely: For a people who considered it blasphemous to utter the name of God, proclaiming yourself to be God's earthly embodiment would be the height of blasphemy.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Apparently, there are three words which do not translate well into Italian: "Statute of Limitations."

JLRB said...

I was around when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain ... I think it was after he ate too much at a L'Eroica rest stop

Luke I am Your Father said...

Saul - If the point is we are all god's children, then aren't we all the son of god?

God = good within us all (even tridorks)

The rest is just a story, which varies by brand

BikeSnobNYC said...

Saul Rabinowitz,

That's precisely why the Jews turned on him and let Pilate crucify him despite Pilate's own "reluctance," a useful plot device meant to make the Romans seem more sympathetic once Christianity started going mainstream, and which cemented the Jews' reputation in history as "Christ Killers."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Saul Rabinowitz said...

Luke - As far as Jesus' parentage is concerned, I think Christians take "son of God" a bit more literally than that.





incidents trieseen

P. Bateman said...

WWJD?

he'd ride a tandem and that whore mary magdaline would ride in front, topless, in a thong.

Synagogue Seleig.

wow, even the captcha is getting all high minded and religious today.

Saul Rabinowitz said...

Eben "Rock Machine" Weiss - The 'Jews and Christ killers' meme was started in middle ages Europe to justify pogroms against the Jews. It has no historical basis in fact. And if, as Christians believe, Jesus was sent to ear to die for men's sins, isn't it God who was the Christ killer? I.e., his fate was preordained by God. Therefore, God killed him.





earfig was

wishiwasmerckx said...

Saul, interesting viewpoint. I view the New Testament as an outright rejection of the Old Testament, as no doubt did its authors.

The Old Testament G-d was vengeful -- an eye for an eye. The New Testament teaches turn the other cheek, not retribution.

The tale of the Good Samaritan is taken to mean about the opposite of how it was understood when it was written. It is not a story about a stranger in a strange land helping out a fellow in need. It is a story about how the Jews ignored the suffering of their fellow Jew, leaving it to a gentile to offer him succor.

Tossing the money-changers out of the temple was meant as an allegory for the status quo.

Need I go on?

Saul Rabinowitz said...

wishiwasmerckx - I am no religious scholar. Like most American Jews, I am almost entirely secular. But in America, we are surrounded by Christ this and Christ that. Jesus was first and foremost a Jew. If the teachings that are attributed to Jesus are really his, it helps in the sanity department to be able to reclaim ownership of at least some of the better ones.

ba said...

Wait? Are we talking religion and soccer today? WTF? Why not talk politics while you're at it...

Can I change the subject back to oral sex and death by vagina, please?


scranus

balls™ said...

^^balls™^^

(I can't even spell my own pseudonym right!)

BikeSnobNYC said...

Saul Rabinowitz,

It's been many years since I studied the subject so my timeline is no doubt very hazy, but my recollection is that certain Gospels read the way they do (casting Pilate in a sympathetic light) because it was politically beneficial to do so as Christianity spread. It also made the Jews into scapegoats to some degree.

Anyway, if I can't even remember my college courses, then there ain't no way any of these religious stories are accurate.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Regular guy said...

That Dutch "dangerous intersection" video looked like any busy intersection when the power is out and the traffic signal doesn't work.

Simple solution, red means stop, green means go, and yellow means "step on it!"

Either that or everybody is trying to out-polite everyone else.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Saul, not to brag or anything, but it just so happens that I studied both Torah and Talmud with several of the 17 Weiss children.

crosspalms said...

Potbelly Joe,
Don't forget the vuvuzelas. White people are crazy for vuvuzelas. They're even in Psalm 150.

Bryan Bracy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dop said...

oh c'mon. the old testament god was a pussycat. (perhaps overstating this) but at least he/she showed grace (defined as being forgiven when you don't deserve it. Consider Jacob: He fast-talked esau intio trading his birthright for some pottage, fooled his father out of the blessing...briefly gets his comeuppance with the whole Leah/Rachel-seven years to marry my daughter-oh the other daughter thing...he does one last deal short-changing Lot & splits town...when along ccomes the news that his brother Esau is in town..at the head of 200 soliers...Jacob doesn't like those odds...wrestles with an angel...finally he meets Esau..whom he cheated of his inheritance...what does Esau do? He says, "Jake!!Howya doing!! Hey everybody, this is my brother Jake!!".. No settling of scores.

Of course it was nasty about Sodom. And that Levite's servant girl, raped by the men of Benjamin. And pretty much the whole book of Judges. A cruel god, but fair

Comment deleted said...

I like it when the discourse is so rich that the century is completely forgotten.

Comment deleted said...

But then again, scranus.

BikeSnobNYC said...

wishiwasmerckx,

You seem to assume I'm Jewish.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JB said...

But you live in NYC.

P. Bateman said...

@Snob - only assumed you were jewish because we have to read this blog from right to left for it to be funny.

just kidding snobbers.

we'll look back some day and say "remember that one weird day when everything got all biblical"

Jesus have mercy for any first time commenters who must be very confused.

King David said...

Saul - You "take offense" with another religion - it's just a brand thing - granted one that involves power and money - but the taking offense is what feeds the "religion causes war" cycle

AND - you "think" Christians take the story literally - I imagine some do - I know atheists do for affect - but most reasonable people understand the symbolic purpose with which religious writings were made - New testament included

Spokey said...

wildcat

not really. means those 17 kids have a jewish mother. eh?

Buffalo Bill said...

That Groningen intersection is dangerous because no one knows what to do, or so the caption says. Well, if those damned atheist dutchmen would just let jesus tell them what to do, the problem would be solved wouldnit?

Eugene Levy said...

You're in denial

Comment deleted said...

The compelling evidence is in Feynman's biography, which mentions the Weiss family as the religious fulcrum of Far Rockaway.

Bruce said...

someday we'll look back at this and it will all seem funny

Cleo-patree said...

Sugar, I'm queen of denile.

rural 14 said...

rural 1st!
Why, why, why Jesus talk / cyclists! = not idiots.

Oh wait.

Carry on then.

What's next? Flat earth at the center of the universe?

Spokey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...

boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies

<pant> <pant> <pant> <pant> <pant>


boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies

<pant> <pant> <pant> <pant> <pant>


boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies

<pant> <pant> <pant> <pant> <pant>


boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies

<pant> <pant> <pant> <pant> <pant>


oh and scranus

Comment deleted said...

I see you have removed your boobs, Spokey.

Comment deleted said...

And then installed new ones.

Spokey said...

had to delete that one because the pants disappeared (didn't use the &ampergt;)



robot said it was just poetic nshcsi

crosspalms said...

No religious import to this that I know of, but when my wife and I drove to Indianapolis over the weekend to visit friends, we crossed Wildcat Creek.

Comment deleted said...

Remember, folks. When you expose your boobies, sometimes your pants disappear, too.

Anonymous said...

Hello! I'm a girl from Italy and I found your blog just right now. Well, I'm so sorry to read what you write about Marco Pantani. You and the people commenting here don't have a clue of Pantani's life, the events of 1999, and most of all the circumstances of his tragic death. Investigations are still going on. But you in the USA probably don't know it all, I understand... Just don't judge so lightly please. And if you and your fellow say that Pantani was a coke addict, yes... He was in a bad depression, and probably you ignore all the reasons why.
Well, I just found your blog 5 minutes ago and after just reading one article I decided I'better quit it (you just say quitting is a right thing to do, life told you, uh?)
Thank you for reading my comment
Have a nice night guys
Alex

Spokey said...

go ahead cd and turn this back in to some religious tome.

boobies boobies boobies boobies

<pant> <pant> <pant> <pant>


scrani


really religion is just tradition vsearc

Spokey said...

boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies boobies

<pantani> <pantani> <pantani> <pantani>


P. Bateman said...

i've heard speculation that Marco Pantani was actually responsible for Jesus's death?

not sure if that is true or false, the records on the matter are a bit hazy.

Spokey said...

crosspalms @ 4:18 PM

congrats on the century despite today's religious fervor.

JLRB said...

Pleasus by stopping the rain for me ride home

JLRB said...

How do you delete comments? Is that reserved for those with higher powers/members of Goooole blogspot thingie (I am soo techie)

crosspalms said...

Spokey,
Thanks. Complete accident. Or, for those who believe nothing is an accident, the work of Satan.

JLRB said...

Alex from Italy - Don't judge the blog so quickly - it is presumed that all pro racers are drug addicts of one form or another

(Do judge the commenters quickly - they are what they appear to be - except me, of course- Ciao)

Anonymous said...

This comment has been ticketed by the NYPD and removed by a tow truck.

Anonymous said...

This comment has been smothered in vaginae.

Freddy Murcks said...

Regarding the religious/history talk, Herodotus started it. I and others just couldn't control ourselves.

Speaking of religion, Robot Captcha has demanded that I erect a shrine oomteor. I have no idea what that is - I pray to Lob that Robot Captcha will clarify - but I am guessing that this is sorta what it was like for Noah when he was commanded to build the arc. He was like "An arc? Whatchoo talkin' about, God."

Spokey said...

JLRB

only for your own posts unless you're snobbie. Click on the trash can


deletes are the Path USAliv

Anonymous said...

doesn;t netherlandia have HELMENTS!>>>

or helminths????

wle

Anonymous said...

All the Abrahamic religions are crude yet successful (so far) attempts to control women and The Other. They offer no hope unless you happen to like perpetual tribal conflict. They fight over rocks and pebbles, literally. When they can stop fighting and live together in peace for, say, five thousand years then perhaps they might have something relevant to share but until then it's best just to ignore them.

Gene Ray said...

”What's next? Flat earth at the center of the universe? ”

I prove that and so much more here

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

Eben, Eben, Eben, deny it all you like, whether you are sincere or posing for the benefit of the blog. but once a Jew, always a Jew. You can declare yourself non-observant, but you cannot blot it from your soul.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...


VitaMeeta VA JAY JAY !!

Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!

... And TASTY Too !!

vsk

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx,

What is your definition of Jewish?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Herodotus said...

”Regarding the religious/history talk, Herodotus started it.”

Well, I didn't mean to start religious talk. I simply tried to respond to 12:29 PM and 12:43 PM comments on the nature of knowing who was a real person in ancient history and who was not.

But starting history talk, damn straight. Been doing that for 2,500+/- years.

Comment deleted said...

I agree. I didn't see much religious talk here today.

Mario Cipollini said...

Alex,

What are you wearing?

Bama Phred said...

Not to disrupt, but there is a new Snob offering in the Bike cycling magazine.

Freddy Murcks said...

Snob - I think Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx may be assuming that you are a Member of the Tribe based on the fact that your name is Eben Weiss. I am not going to defend Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx, per se, but I have always made the same assumption. Also, you seem to know a lot about the culture and customs of the Hasidim. Apologies if we have incorrectly assigned you to the wrong cultural group.

At least Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx didn't call you a curmudgeonly cockgobbler and then storm out with a threat to never return.



Rulatory afforded

Peter G said...

Anon4:56

Welcome to American High Culture.


I liked Pantani. He looked better with jughandle ears than our President does.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Freddy Murcks,

Not in any way bothered by his assumption, just curious as to what people think "Jewish" means and if I meet his definition of it.

By the way, have you ever met a Jew named Eben?

--Wildcat McRockmanstein

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

Eben, I will defer to the Cohen Gadol (the Chief Rabbi in Jerusalem) to define who, exactly is a Jew, finding my own definition somewhat lacking.

It is bad form in the extreme to engage in a flame war with the host of the blog, ESPECIALLY one as genial as you are underneath the mantle of a curmudgeon.

Should you choose to turn your back on your heritage because of a distrust of organized religion generally or Judaism in particular, what say have I in the matter?

Still, there is a significant non-religious cultural component to being Jewish as well. Eat all the ham sandwiches you please, but at some point in later middle age, you will likely return to your roots.

In the meantime, you do indeed seem to be handling your life and your affairs with a certain aplomb, and do not appear to require any guidance from me on how to live a full and meaningful life.

That having been said, THIS is the one subject that when kidded about, your hackles raise?

NEUR OTIC said...

lovable and charming the rat just chews through is face.

What?

dop said...

The only Eben I've heard of was surnamed 'Scrooge',...he didn't like to celebrate Christmas...



not that there's anything wrong with that....


BikeSnobNYC said...

Rabbi,

My hackles are not even remotely raised, I am enjoying our discourse! I'm not saying I'm Jewish or not Jewish, just trying to figure out what _you_ think it means since I could easily not be Jewish by more than one definition.

--Wildcat Rocking Horse



Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

As a matter of fact...quoting that unimpeachable source, Wikipedia: "Eben is a name of Hebrew origin."

BikeSnobNYC said...

dop,

You will also see the list of Ebens on Wikipedia is very goyishe indeed.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Freddy Murcks said...

Snob - I about as goy as they come, so my knowledge of Jewishy names is fairly limited. I grew up in western Colorado and I live in Utah - I don't think I met an observant Jew until I went to college. And while I have never met a Jew named Eben, I don't consider it to be an impossibility (we do live a mostly secular society, after all, and not all Jewish children are given biblically appropriate names).



observed vityvit

Comment deleted said...

Wasn't the dullard farmhand on Green Acres named "Eb"?

I think it was filmed in an extremely Jewish part of Indiana.

Freddy Murcks said...

Interesting point regarding assumptions about names: Here in SLC, the Jewish private school is called the MacGillis School. MacGillis is a pretty goyishe sounding name, but apparently the MacGillises were a family of Irish Jews. The diaspora did interesting things.



consists atesooj

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

Well, for a gentile, you share many, many traits with members of the tribe.

--A love of learning which results in a reliable stream of obscure references such as Fermat's last theorem.

--A strong sense of cynicism.

--A belief that sports are narishkiet (nonsense)

--An appreciation for humor and the absurdity of everyday life and those who populate it.

--Insights into some of the subtleties of the New York Jewish community in all its diversity , beyond that of a New Yorker in general.

--Oh, and did I mention money-grubbing and a big nose?

Wait, how did that last one get in there?

dop said...

Real people[edit]

Personal name Eben[edit]

In alphabetical order by surname:
Eben Alexander, ambassador
Eben Edwards Beardsley, clergyman
Eben Brown, journalist
Henry Eben Burnham, politician
Eben Byers, socialite
Eben Emerson, lighthouse keeper
Eben Etzebeth (born 1991), South African rugby player
Eben Fardd, also known as Ebenezer Thomas, poet
Eben Norton Horsford, inventor of baking powder
Eben Samuel Johnson, bishop
Mial Eben Lilley, politician
Eben Jenks Loomis, astronomer
Eben Martin, politician
Eben Matlis, mathematician
Eben Moglen, law professor
Eben Newton, politician
Eben Fiske Ostby, animator
Eben Ong Eng Tuan, lawyer
Eben W. Pagan, better known as David DeAngelo, dating consultant
Eben E. Rexford, poet
Eben Ezra Roberts, architect
Eben William Robertson, historian
Eben Smith, businessman

P. Bateman said...

i like my old testament name - jeremiah.

but i could never pass for a tribesman. though i do love me some bagels and lox.

and i also love this joke:

why are jewish men circumcised?

because jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rabbi,

Not only do you flatter me, but you have also described a member of the English leisure class!

You're not addressing the birth component though. Regardless of one's cultural predilection one still has to be born of certain parents to really be Jewish, right? So what do you require in that department to consider someone Jewish?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Spokey said...

i like my jewish name too

remember when god spokey to moses?

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

Oy, now we are on the "Jew by birth" conundrum?

In Biblical times, Judaism was a patrilineal system -- if your father was Jewish, you were Jewish.

Sometime around the middle ages, and for politically expedient reasons beyond my current recall, it switched to being a matrilineal system.

Orthodox and most Conservatives still cling to matrilinealism. The reform generally accept bilinealism. This is one of many reasons the Orthodox have a different name for the Reform Jew: "Christian."

If you were born of a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother, you can still claim Israeli citizenship under the Right of Return, but unless you undergo an approved conversion, you will not have full rights as a citizen (ie, must marry civilly).

This is a can of worms, and I assure you that I will not be spending hours on Ancestry.com trying to untangle the mysteries of Mr. Weiss's family tree.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rabbi,

See that?!? It's not so straightforward now, is it??? That's the frustrating thing about this all this stuff, people identify you as it suits them.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

Eben, what do you want me to say? That the Priesthood suits you? That you look resplendent in your Clerical Collar?

Grump said...

Are drop bar bikes illegal in the Netherlands??

PS. Every right thinking Fred cyclist knows that it was the evil Lance Armstrong who killed Saint Marco.
.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rabbi,

I just want you to acknowledge that you understand why I feel like, on some level, this is all a bit of a boondoggle. I don't have to go on Ancestry.com, I know my background. But I'm either Jewish or not Jewish or in some strange limbo depending on whether or not I appeal to someone else's sensibilities. How can I not be cynical about it? It's like the movie "Heathers."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

How existential of you, Mr. Godot. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go play a country-club sport.

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

...and when you put it that way, you do appear to be Schrodinger's Jew of sorts.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rabbi,

Schrodinger's Jew!!! I love it, that is an identity I can wholeheartedly embrace.

Now that was productive discourse!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rabbi,

I swear to [insert deity of your choice] that my kid just used the word yichus, which adds additional texture to this discussion.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

You guys watching the World Series? Why is it the World Series when it's in 'Murka?

Catalina Bay said...

Whatever floats yer boat

Euro Spondee said...

Snob,

So, coming late to the argument today, you would affirm you are not of the tribe of Levi?

David Pearce said...

Well, JB, you almost got me.

But remember, Monet was the guy with the lily pads, and he probably needed glasses,

And Manet painted Dejeuner... and other things like The Spanish Singer, which is a really great painting, at the Met in NYC and you should really go see it, and the Dead Matador, which is here at my National Gallery in D.C., and I really ought to go see it.

David Pearce said...

And Now for Something Completely Different,

It really is a CRIME what the British did to Alan Turing.

And I'm not ganging up on the British. I'm sure if Turing had been a U.S. citizen, an "American", if you will, he would have received the exact same tortuous treatment.

Imagine, you shorten WWII by one-to-two years by breaking the Enigma machine and inventing an early computer, and then your country later indicts you for being gay and you agree to be injected with estrogen to avoid gay thoughts and avoid going to jail.

Just a fucking, fucking crime. We humans are too often so fucking cruel!

David Pearce said...

Here's something about Turing and bicycling at the same time, from Wikipedia:

His parents enrolled him at St Michael's, a day school at 20 Charles Road, St Leonards-on-Sea, at the age of six. The headmistress recognised his talent early on, as did many of his subsequent educators. In 1926, at the age of 13, he went on to Sherborne School, a well known independent school in the market town of Sherborne in Dorset. The first day of term coincided with the 1926 General Strike in Britain, but so determined was he to attend that he rode his bicycle unaccompanied more than 60 miles (97 km) from Southampton to Sherborne, stopping overnight at an inn.[23]

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

@ David Pearce,

Finally someone talking about bicycles

McFly said...

Just saw an advertisement for a movie about your people cumming soon in a theatre near you....EXODUS.....starring CHRISTIAN Bale. I am confident it will be historically accurate.

bad boy of the north said...

I once saw moe,larry and curly walking in Alexandria....Virginia.

bad boy of the north said...

geez....how did today dissolve into a skirmish of words?

meltyman said...

@David Pearce 9:43/9: good on ya. This needs to be remembered.

p.s. Dulcie fund still stuck on 3752 -- sheesh

El Super Judeo said...

If Jesus was a Jew,why did he have a Mexican name?

Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx said...

Well, Eben, for a shiksa, your mom makes an excellent gefilte kraut, or so I hear...

Hitler said...

Ve half vays of deeciding who is Jewish.

Anonymous said...

This all reminds me of the saying about a movie director who had had his beach crusier bike stolen at the same time that he was auditioning actors for a film concerning the Wednesday Weed. That saying being, 'Let he who is without Schwinn, cast the first stoner.'

Spokey said...

do i dare ask a real question here?

i seem to be getting the 12 year itch. and i'm thinking bilenky. any bilenky experience to share?

Anonymous said...

Having met Herr BiekSnob I can attest to his wearing of the kippa. Besides having all the traditional indicators such as a dark swarthy complexion, beady eyes, wiry hair and a hook nose, my jewdar like my gaydar is never wrong.
Unless he's Swiss.

Blog Drafter said...

Hmmm, interesting discussion. I've assumed for a long while that Snob might be a closeted Buddhist with a Jewish background. It's true, we do chop the world into manageable bits and we tend to throw labels around when discussing people. It's a long standing habit I think, better to tell friend from foe in the past but not so useful now.

I'm off for a ride, woo-hoo!!!

Scranus.

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

I feel you Snobbo. Only my dad's side of the family is Bogan. Where does this leave me?

Never mind, I'm sure Google has thoroughly assigned us all with the relevant labels in their lists. Can't see that working out badly.

And not because I always try to make it about Australia [me], but because it is a provable historical fact (complete with video evidence), I'd like to point out that Jesus was actually Australian. The biblical account of his persecution is just a badly translated retelling of the dramatic events that unfolded at one particularly boisterous darts tournament.

193 said...

193

194 said...

194

195 said...

195

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196

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197

198 said...

198

199 said...

199

dop said...

1 owe it all to jesus

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