Thursday, October 30, 2014

Sorry I'm late, hope you all just started without me.

Wow, so many important things about ME to mention today!

MEMEMEMEME!

Firstly, I wrote a thing for Bicycling magazine that they published on the Internet--that's the mainstream Internet, the one that everybody reads, and not the "deep" Internet with all the arms dealing and the animal porn:


You know when you see Assos Man bearing down to force out an invisible doody that it's gonna be good.

Thirdly, I'm pleased to announce that Walz are now offering the Fred "Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!" bicycle-capping hat in an alternative blue colo(u)r(way)!


We're very excited about it, and we're calling the hue "Antarctic blue" in honor of the car Clark Griswold ordered but never got in "National Lampoon's Vacation."


(Not the Antarctic blue super sports wagon with the CB and the optional rally fun pack.)

Actually, I'm calling it "Antarctic blue," because I just came up with it.  I have no idea what Walz is calling it, though I'm guessing it's something like "That pain-in-the-ass's blue hat."

And of course you can still get the original "La Cabeza en el Fuego" style as well:


One thing's for sure, which is that there's never been a better time in human history to be in the market for a hat.

And secondly, on Novembers 8th and 9th, there's going to be a Philly Bike Expo somewhere in Pennsylvania, I'm guessing either Philadelphia or maybe Wilkes-Barre:


(Undead Christopher Hitchens riding a cargo bike in an unnamed city.)

At which, on Sunday November 9th, I'll be giving...a seminar!


Yeah, okay, whatever, right?

But did I mention I'll also be giving away...SOME HATS!?!

Perked up there, didn'tcha, you bloodsuckers?

So, to recap:

1) Bicycling thing;
3) Blue hats;
2) Philly appearance with hats.

Who said bike blogging isn't hard work!?!

(Well, whoever it was, they were absolutely right.)

Moving on, we put up with a lot of shit here in New York City when it comes to cycling, but there are two things that make it worth it: spring, and fall.  Both of these seasons are positively glorious times during which to ride, especially in contrast to summer and winter, both of which can suck balls for totally different reasons.

As for which of these two seasons is the best, you can make a pretty strong case for both, but in my opinion the winner is the fall.  This is because 1) The off-road trails are often still soft and muddy in the spring; and 2) Spring is full of wobbly-legged newbies, but by fall they've either given up cycling or been killed.

Also, there's cyclocross, but as a hard-working bike blogger (see above) with seventeen (17) children I no longer have time to spend driving all up and down the eastern seaboard just to ride my bike for 45 minutes (or until pulled from the course for getting lapped).

Anyway, yesterday I had a luncheon appointment downtown, and because it was a lovely autumn day I opted to ride the Son of Scat:


Which rides easily as nicely as a Budnitz:


In fact, it rides more nicely because it doesn't creak like the steps in an old Victorian and I don't feel like a total metrodouche while riding it.

Once downtown, I did encounter the usual array of bike lane blockage, which is sometimes so elaborate as to seem choreographed:


And which often stings like a shot of bottom-shelf hooch--which appears to be what's blocking this bike lane:


Though all my frustrations melted away on my return, the greenway blissfully bereft of both trucks and Freds as the Hudson tempted me to follow it to its very source:


I'm not actually sure what the source of the Hudson River is, but I think it comes from a leaky sewage pipe in Yonkers.

Before long I passed the George Washington Bridge, where I admired the changing colo(u)r(way) of the foliage along the Palisades:


"Palisades" is an old Indian word meaning "Land of A Thousand Strava Segments."

Yes, for about an hour I didn't have a care in the world, and though most have returned since there's one thing I still don't worry about, which is Ebola:


If there are two things that horrify Americans, it's contagious diseases and bicycles, so this has "National Panic" written all over it.  (Though oddly we're not bothered by civil rights violations such as forced quarantines of healthy people.)  Of course, this is total non-news inasmuch as by the time someone was sick enough to spread Ebola they'd be way too ill to even think about riding a bicycle, but at least the idiots of America will be relieved to know she was wearing a helment:


Let me know if she starts manifesting Ebola symptoms and then goes riding around town flinging her own feces at people.

Then I'll worry--at which point I'll get one of these:




You need a dedicated zombie bike.


93 comments:

Shawn said...

1st

Anonymous said...

First

P. Bateman said...

some podiumm time.

die gators.

Anonymous said...

two claw up!

Anonymous said...

Woot!

Anonymous said...

Top ten, Ladies!!!!!!!

P. Bateman said...

so yesterday was biblical history. can't wait for today's lesson. can it please be World War II?

herzogone said...

Late top ten.

Spokey said...

well

at least top tennis

Thought I was first said...

must have been a breakaway.

Spokey said...

ah coulda been a contender if that fucking robot hadn't rejected me at least 8 or 9 times


and now that i'm such a loser i get an easy and obttedo

dnk said...

BIG EARS TEDDY SHOULDN'T SEE THIS!

grog said...

Zombies! No fear, Bikesnob is here.

balls™ said...

CUNNILINGUS!

Anonymous said...

Yay !! Under 20 !!

vsk

Spokey said...

is a zombie bike ok for gravel?

Schisthead said...

I don't know... do zombie bikes work on gravel?

Spokey said...

will S*********** sue me for asking that question? or this one? or this one?

dnk said...

Dear Mr. Wildcat Rock Machine,

In your bloggular post you referred to the convergence of fear of contagion and fear of bicycles as "total non-news"

But you are TOTALLY FUCKING WRONG, sir, because one of the bicycles (viz., that of nurse Kaci Hickox's boyfriend) has very very (very!) fat tires. And they are riding on gravel.

In sum, it is the convergence of bicycling upon gravel with a special bicycle that combines with fear of contagion and general fear of bicycle cycling ------ to produce the "Perfect Storm" of media shit-stormery.

Link to coverage of gravel bicycling by nurse and boyfriend from our friends at the Old Grey Lady:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/31/us/kaci-hickox-nurse-under-ebola-quarantine-takes-bike-ride-defying-maine-officials.html?ref=us

dnk said...

What I was trying to say (not always obvious) is that the inclusion of biking upon gravel transforms things from "total non-news" into "total news"

Comment deleted said...

I think the original black-on-orange colorway is appropriate for today, in tribute to the SF Giants.

I don't like gloating, so that's all I'll say. But I'm grinning like a fool.

crosspalms said...

"Perfect Storm" would be a good bike name.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Posted Ms. Maine's bike ride non news late in yesterday's commentary.
Cue the 28 Days Later theme.

Thanks for the tip Leroy, I have a Blackburn Supa Flea I will try waiting at home. I still like the Knog light cannon.

WhomIkiddin... It's going to snow for another 4 months straight. Fuckit I'm taking the trainer.

vsk

Spokey said...

Glad I waited. Just ordered a hat. Much nicer looking that the pumpkin hat.


from ditemne

you don't say

Herschel Raney said...


The nurses behavior has been up and down. Many out there I am sure are wishing she gets Ebola. But as long as she rides the bike out on urban roads, really, who cares. I love it that she was 'chased by local officials.'

And though I doubted the New Jersey streets could compete with the dangers-that-are-possible on my roads, I think this one wins.

http://devour.com/video/suburban-bear-fight/

Anonymous said...

Perfect Storm said ...

Sounds good, includes my seafaring activities.

I should let the anti-bot decide...

resueks sent

vsk

streepo said...

Started and finished without you.

Verplanck Colvin said...

”…as the Hudson tempted me to follow it to its source very…I'm not actually sure what the source of the Hudson River is, but I think it comes from a leaky sewage pipe in Yonkers.”

I followed it and ended up here

JB said...

That Ebola nurse is hip as shit! She went on a gravel ride using a bike with dick breaks and her bikeen companion was on a fat bike! Woot! WooT!!

#gravelgrinder
#fatbike

Anonymous said...

Toppus XXX??

All The Black People In Portland said...

Kaci Hickox = hero, much moreso than damn bike racer...

... even if her boyfriend rides a fat bike??!!

One of the loathsome UK tabloids has tons of pix, I feel guilty for looking but...

Props to BF for standing up with Kaci, maybe he can dial those wheels back some once this bullshit blows over (and Chris Christie heart explodes, the latter of which can't happen too soon.)

JutTryingToBeHelpful said...

Yesterday Spokey said...
”do i dare ask a real question here?
i seem to be getting the 12 year itch. and i'm thinking bilenky. any bilenky experience to share?”


Note the speaker’s name in room 122B on Sunday at 1:30 PM here

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...of course undead christopher hitchens would be riding a brakeless geared hauling bicycle... and a red one... in a blue suit...

...missing is his cigarette and glass.

dnk said...

The nurse Kaci Hickox is a hero. Seriously.

First, for committing her skills and expertise to people very sick with Ebola.

Second, for standing to fucked up politicians who would quarantine her when there is no science-based reason to do so.

Doing a blanket returning of health workers returning from Africa is fucked up because the best hope for containing the epidemic and shutting it down is if it can be done in Africa. If politicians are going to impose an extra 3-week quarantine on health care workers, fewer of them will be willing to contribute to working with Ebola victims.

So go Kaci, you are awesome. (I'm saying this to her directly b/c I know she rides on gravel, and must therefore be reading the comments section of this blog).

Bama Phred said...

Hat ordered. Didn't wait to be DFL on this.

dnk said...

God, I really should proofread my own comments before pushing the button.

I meant to say Doing a blanket QUARANTINE of health workers returning from Africa is fucked up because

Jim Williams said...

I didn't realize you had to have Ebola to be chased by local officials. I have been followed locally on my bike, twice, during the day where I live. As if riding a bicycle is illegal or he's just waiting for me to break a law.

If she were driving a car, this wouldn't have even made news.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hopefully to cap off the PA seminar you'll give 'em your stirring Tony Bennett-esque version of I left my scranus in Scranton.

Freddy Murcks said...

Anonymous @ 1:33 started his victory celebration too soon and ended up being the first loser.



Robot Captcha is ntalsure his which seems like a like the sort of text you'd see in a text message. E.g., "I'm preggie but ntalsure it's his." I have heard that Mrs. Snob sent that very text when she became pregnant with child #16 and Mr. Snob was away on a book/bike tour. Turns out, however, that Mr. Snob's sperm are as powerful as he is and he impregnated Mrs. Snob when he was halfway across the country making jokes about baked feet or some such nonsense.

JLRB said...

UUUUUUUUUUUUU U!

Competing against the ladies time slot - of course you don't want anyone who needs to be told how to dress to ride a beik in your audience anyway

JLRB said...

Why are all the Librarians getting Ebola?

Oh, oh! um. nevermind - I guess I've done it 'til I need glasses

JLRB said...

AND - Spokey - thanks for the tip on deleting comments (including the masterful graphic arts) BUT no trash can appears next to my posts/time tag thingie. Must be limited to registered users of Goooole.

McFly said...

What happens if you engage the flame-thrower at WooHoo Speed?

Pumpkin cookie said...

oh yeahh it's totally antartic-blue-pain-in-the-ass's-fred-woo-hoo-hoo-hoo riding hat! boom kitty!

Anonymous said...

They should have had you as a panelist on today's Diane Rehm show.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC --

Someone in my household -- he's asked me not to say who -- would like to know where in the deep internet he can find the animal porn to which you refer.

I told him it probably isn't what he thinks it is.

CommieCanuck said...

Will this seminar be seminal or involve semen.
Will you be wearing a tweed jacket with patches and staring at girl's breasts in the front row.
Will this be on the quiz this semester?
Thank you.

PotbellyJoe said...

How big is a giant's stikezone?

Two years ago a storm, this year an ebola, in two years another thing. I hate that our two-party system can now control natural disasters.

McFly said...

I believe I know what the Wildcat has been up to on his days off.

Boise Dingo said...

Careful with the animal porn people...

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6064160

Chip McDougall said...

FIRST!

bieks! said...

1. She's riding an old-timey rigid mountain bike, so off road specific
2. He's riding a sand/snow specific bike
3. Neither one of those bikes is gravel specific
4. They're going to die

il Pirata est Mort said...

"...Land of a thousand Strava segments" Gold WCRM. Gold!

Spokey said...

JutTryingToBeHelpful @14:29

I'm guessing she's one of his daughters

babble on said...

JB - not just hip, but hot!

Love love love the blue. Sold.

Spokey said...

Freddy Murcks @ 14:50

you trying to suggest that snobbie is a manlier manly than even the fabuly cipo?

lob say it ain't so

that's what i get for taking the lob's name in vain. he said itypcov. Now just what does tha mean?

Spokey said...

JLRB @ 14:58

yeah that makes sense. gluegle wouldn't know if you were really the author otherwise.


if you scale thuseds you can see the heavens

Anonymous said...

Ohh bieks!

She's not going to die riding an unapproved biek on gravel.

She's going to die when she gets hit by a car. The driver flees the scene of the accident with the pandemic eating the plastic bumper and leaping onto any passersby it encounters. No criminality suspected.

You know you've seen the movie. I think it was Batman movie #997, "the petrol wars."

Ebola Free and loving it said...

I, too, applaud Nurse Kaci.

(But if she actually does come down with Ebola................!)

JLRB said...

I prefer the blaze orange - good pumpkin time colorway - artic blue is the shade of old man/woman winter reaching out with icy fingers around the corner - "They" are predicting cold and snow and icy mix for the northeast this winter I want "their" job

BikeSnobNYC said...

Ebola Free and loving it,

...then she'll go to the hospital and nobody else will get Ebola.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

David Pearce said...

Dear Snob & Snobbers,

I wish you very best of luck with the Antarctic Blue Woo-hoo Cap. I'm very, very happy with my original Flame Orange Woo-hoo Cap. I hate to criticize, but I'm sure you can take much worse: I like blue, but it's a little hard to sell me blue flames. Maybe a blue cap with the original orange flames?

Also, related to yesterday's comments, I no longer buy jars of Gefilte for nearly $10 a pop, because, as Susan Stamberg mentioned many years ago, the Gefilte has been seriously overfished for years, and has been classified as "threatened" by the Interior Department's Fish and Wildlife Service.

That's why the price is so high for a jar these days. And since Stamberg's report, the situation has only gotten much, much worse. Some food economists predict that choice Gefilte filets will soon approach the cost caviar on a per pound basis.

So that's why I no longer eat Chilean Sea Bass, nor the Gefilte. I wish to preserve these species for special occasions and for our posterity.

I urge you all to join in preserving these important fishes.

Anonymous said...

"(But if she actually does come down with Ebola................!)

+1 to what Mr. Snob said. The 2 nurses in Dallas and the doctor in NYC went to the hospital at the first sign of symptoms; they recovered and no one caught anything from them.

People with Ebola are not contagious until several hours (up to 12) AFTER repeat AFTER they develop symptoms.

Blog Drafter said...

Jesus, Son of God ™ walks into his favorite bar, "The Nazerene."

Bartender says, "Hey, it's Jesus, Son of God ™, how's it going?"

Jesus, Son of God ™ says, "Oh, not too good, not having a great day, I'll have a glass of house wine."

Bartender says. "Okay, that'll be thirty shekels!"

Jesus, Son of God ™ says, "THIRTY SHEKELS!!, are you kidding?"

Bartender says, "You said you were having a bad day?"

bad boy of the north said...

ahhh...a nice ride over the newburgh-beacon today.
snob,a lot of yonkers is like that pipe.(actually the source is a little further north)

Matt said...

Ebola is infectious, not contagious. Donald Trump doesn't know the difference, either, so if I were Maine Ebola nurse I'd say I was going to ride my bike to New York City and cough on The Donald. It'd be enough to make his wig stand up in fright!

Anonymous said...

Doody??????
I thought it was fuckin called Dooky.
The things u learn on the internet, amazing.

Anonymous said...

You bitch snob you are wrong, according to urban dicktionary doody is slang for doing service like jury duty and other BS. Dooky refers to feces AKA shit, and don't blame this on spell check.

JLRB said...

David P - While I too profess may preference for the orange colourway - what do you have against blue flames? "Clean" burning natural gas has a lot of blue in the flame.

AND, I wonder what color the methane ice creates when it burns

Anon 5:38 - really? Citing UD? Over dooky doody?

Anonymous said...

Why is there the number 46 on the side of these WALZ caps???

sTONEdEADLAND said...

^nooooooob!

Herschel Raney said...

Ebola is highly infectious and all viruses are contagious in some form or the virus is a fucking failure.

I was under the impression that 46 on the cap was woo hoo hoo speed. I am still not sure I have ever been above 45.

I like my orange original. I will get another one when chartreuse is printed. The BSNYC cap competes with my Arrogant Bastard ale cap from Walz which I highly recommend as both a cap and a beer. Do it. Those Walz guys are nice.

sTONEdEADLAND said...

I have the murdered-out BSNYC wool cap, but my generous cranium top section (think Chris Horner, but with lots of hair) keeps it from pulling down far enough, even in l/xl sizeway. Anybody know if woo hoo speed cap fits the same?

I'd ask Walz but I don't know those guys!

bad boy of the north said...

ms.hickox ride is the biggest non-news...hope she stayed on or below 25 mph or she might've gotten a ticket.(in nyc).:)

Peter G said...

46 is the number of chromosomes in the Ebola virus. Thats why it is so compatible with humanisms.

BikeSnobNYC said...

sTONEdEADLAND,

I have a giant head and can relate. You should be good with the big Woo Hoo hat.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...


If you like your Walz Cap,
you can keep your Walz Cap.


vsk

Super Chumpion said...

Hipster to the nurse' "Sick ride, dude".

the Jimboner said...

I was born in Wilkes-Barres goiter, Scranton.

Anonymous said...

I am more mortified that the house that the nurse biked by had so few windows!

jodphoto said...

If anyone gives a shit.

Lake Tear of the Clouds (44.1069°N 73.9359°W) is a small tarn located in the town of Keene, in Essex County, New York, United States, on the southwest slope of Mount Marcy, the state's highest point. It is the highest pond in the state. It is often cited as the highest source of the Hudson River, via Feldspar Brook and the Opalescent River, even though the main stem of the Opalescent River has as its source a higher point two miles north of Lake Tear of the Clouds, and that stem is a mile longer than Feldspar Brook.

The Hudson River as named actually begins several miles southwest at Henderson Lake in Newcomb, New York.

ken e. said...

@jod
scenic imaginings ensued. ride safe y'all.

McFly said...

SHUT UP JENS!

Verplanck Colvin said...

”…even though the main stem of the Opalescent River has as its source a higher point two miles north…”

I found Tear of the Clouds as the source AND I’M MOTHERFUCKING VERPLANCK COLVIN.

JLRB said...

McFly - I hope his legs enjoyed their 42 days in the record book!

Jim Crow said...

How dare she say the South don't like colored folk

Just Sayin' said...

Send this Woman a Hat

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

I kind of like hie helment.

vsk

onsumora Jesus ??? Double U Tee Eff?

ce said...

So, does this mean Walz can start work on the RTMS APPROVE trucker's hat?

JB said...

Holy cow. The Ebola Fat Bike™ has thumbies.

CommieCanuck said...

No time to read this blog, playing the new Call of Dooky.

Donald Trump is so fucking stupid, he should run for Toronto Mayor and get at least 40% of the vote.

lee woo said...

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. See the link below for more info.


#hope
www.matreyastudios.com

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Kris
www.gofastek.com