Sorry I'm late, hope you all just started without me.

Wow, so many important things about ME to mention today!

MEMEMEMEME!

Firstly, I wrote a thing for Bicycling magazine that they published on the Internet--that's the mainstream Internet, the one that everybody reads, and not the "deep" Internet with all the arms dealing and the animal porn:

You know when you see Assos Man bearing down to force out an invisible doody that it's gonna be good.

Thirdly, I'm pleased to announce that Walz are now offering the Fred "Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!" bicycle-capping hat in an alternative blue colo(u)r(way)!

We're very excited about it, and we're calling the hue "Antarctic blue" in honor of the car Clark Griswold ordered but never got in "National Lampoon's Vacation."

(Not the Antarctic blue super sports wagon with the CB and the optional rally fun pack.)

Actually, I'm calling it "Antarctic blue," because I just came up with it.  I have no idea what Walz is calling it, though I'm guessing it's something like "That pain-in-the-ass's blue hat."

And of course you can still get the original "La Cabeza en el Fuego" style as well:

One thing's for sure, which is that there's never been a better time in human history to be in the market for a hat.

And secondly, on Novembers 8th and 9th, there's going to be a Philly Bike Expo somewhere in Pennsylvania, I'm guessing either Philadelphia or maybe Wilkes-Barre:

(Undead Christopher Hitchens riding a cargo bike in an unnamed city.)

At which, on Sunday November 9th, I'll be giving...a seminar!

Yeah, okay, whatever, right?

But did I mention I'll also be giving away...SOME HATS!?!

Perked up there, didn'tcha, you bloodsuckers?

So, to recap:

1) Bicycling thing;
3) Blue hats;
2) Philly appearance with hats.

Who said bike blogging isn't hard work!?!

(Well, whoever it was, they were absolutely right.)

Moving on, we put up with a lot of shit here in New York City when it comes to cycling, but there are two things that make it worth it: spring, and fall.  Both of these seasons are positively glorious times during which to ride, especially in contrast to summer and winter, both of which can suck balls for totally different reasons.

As for which of these two seasons is the best, you can make a pretty strong case for both, but in my opinion the winner is the fall.  This is because 1) The off-road trails are often still soft and muddy in the spring; and 2) Spring is full of wobbly-legged newbies, but by fall they've either given up cycling or been killed.

Also, there's cyclocross, but as a hard-working bike blogger (see above) with seventeen (17) children I no longer have time to spend driving all up and down the eastern seaboard just to ride my bike for 45 minutes (or until pulled from the course for getting lapped).

Anyway, yesterday I had a luncheon appointment downtown, and because it was a lovely autumn day I opted to ride the Son of Scat:

Which rides easily as nicely as a Budnitz:

In fact, it rides more nicely because it doesn't creak like the steps in an old Victorian and I don't feel like a total metrodouche while riding it.

Once downtown, I did encounter the usual array of bike lane blockage, which is sometimes so elaborate as to seem choreographed:

And which often stings like a shot of bottom-shelf hooch--which appears to be what's blocking this bike lane:

Though all my frustrations melted away on my return, the greenway blissfully bereft of both trucks and Freds as the Hudson tempted me to follow it to its very source:

I'm not actually sure what the source of the Hudson River is, but I think it comes from a leaky sewage pipe in Yonkers.

Before long I passed the George Washington Bridge, where I admired the changing colo(u)r(way) of the foliage along the Palisades:

"Palisades" is an old Indian word meaning "Land of A Thousand Strava Segments."

Yes, for about an hour I didn't have a care in the world, and though most have returned since there's one thing I still don't worry about, which is Ebola:

BREAKING: Nurse defies state's forced quarantine, goes for bike ride with her boyfriend in Maine.
— The Associated Press (@AP) October 30, 2014

If there are two things that horrify Americans, it's contagious diseases and bicycles, so this has "National Panic" written all over it.  (Though oddly we're not bothered by civil rights violations such as forced quarantines of healthy people.)  Of course, this is total non-news inasmuch as by the time someone was sick enough to spread Ebola they'd be way too ill to even think about riding a bicycle, but at least the idiots of America will be relieved to know she was wearing a helment:

Let me know if she starts manifesting Ebola symptoms and then goes riding around town flinging her own feces at people.

Then I'll worry--at which point I'll get one of these:

You need a dedicated zombie bike.