An experienced triathlete was injured yesterday when an aerial drone crashed to the ground during the Endure Batavia Triathlon in Geraldton.
Raija Ogden, of Perth, said she was hit on the head by the drone when it crashed, denying claims by its owner that she was simply frightened by the machine and fell to the ground.
Flying a drone into a triathlete's head and then blaming the crash on triathletes' known inability to remain upright for the duration of a bicycle ride?
It's the perfect crime.
Meanwhile, when it comes to the wide spectrum of bike-handling, on one end you've got the triathletes, and on the other you've got Danny MacAskill, who is probably the World's Most Agile Bike Rider--or at the very least the World's Most Agile Scotsman. Indeed, it seems like only yesterday when he charmed the world with his breakout video:
Sorry, wrong video:
With its reedy-voiced indie rock soundtrack, beguiling Scottish backdrop, and preternaturally feline feats of two-wheeled derring-do, it charmed everyone from beshanted bike culture dweebs to testosterone-addled teens. Now, five years and an energy drink sponsorship later, he's focussing entirely on the latter demographic, as is readily apparent from his latest video:
There's been a bit of a backlash among the bike culture in response to this video, and I couldn't agree more, because this is not the sort of upscale web content I've come to expect from a classy company like Red Bull:
So mazel tov Mr. MacAskill on successfully landing the transition to Full Douche.
Lastly, the G train is out of commission for a few weeks, and from the way people are talking about it you'd think this is the biggest blow to New York City since the British beat George Washington's ass up to White Plains. In fact, it's so bad that people have resorted to riding bicycles:
But one of the most popular new paths is the bike path.
Sales are up by about 20 percent at Silk Road Cycles on Franklin Avenue.
“This has been the biggest overnight shift since Sandy,” said the manager, Nick Janaro.
People have come looking for new bikes, or tuneups for ones long neglected.
And yes, I'm going to go ahead and take full credit for the name of that bike shop, because why not?
In any case, so many people are riding bikes that even the police have taken notice, but don't worry, because as far as they're concerned you can still go fuck yourself:
As a police officer down the block said, “Yeah, there’s a lot more bike traffic” along the waterfront.
Like Ania, he wasn’t authorized by his boss to give his full name.
He said there would be no special treatment for bicyclists during the G outage.
“So just be careful at intersections.”
Yeah, don't get any big ideas like you have a right to the road or anything like that.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then good for you, and if you're wrong you'll see the Wanktrix.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and remember your place at the bottom of the transit food chain.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Airdog is:
--An "Autonomous personal action sports drone"
--A "Guardian angel for Freds"
--An upcoming Disney movie about a skateboarding dog
--Just flying around looking for a head to hump
2) Danny MacAskill is an autonomous personal action sports drone.
(Kid lays on a pretty good guilt trip...for a WASP.)
3) Why is this Portland six year-old nonplussed?
--Some thieves stole her bike
--Some thieves stole her mom's bike
--Some thieves stole her dad's bike
--Some thieves stole the entire family's bikes and then left the light on in the garage which wastes energy and is really bad for the environment
4) Which of the following is not a feature of the Merge, one of the entries in the Oregon Manifest "Ultimate Urban Utility Bike" competition?
--Retractable cable lock
("I promise I'm completely sober and that my fingers aren't crossed in the capacious pocket of my enormous jeans--which, I might add, are from Jared Fogle's new 'Before' menswear collection.")
5) In which restaurant was Sunset Hills, MO Mayor Mark Furrer dining before intentionally striking a cyclist with his Mercedes?
--Campaña del Taco
6) After picking up a fan's dropped helment cam during a Tour de France stage, Team Europcar rider Kevin Reza proceeds to:
--Interview his fellow riders with it
--Wear the helment cam himself for the remainder of the stage
--Throw the helment cam back into the crowd
--Film his own crotch extensively
7) What are "Boojees?"
--Protective sheaths to facilitate walking in clipless road shoes
--Insulated winter shoe covers for fat bike riders
--The new cyclocross pit boots from Speedvagen
--Overshoes for cycling in heels
***Special "Welcome To America"-Themed Bonus Video!***
Just a reminder to any of you visiting the United States that you are about to enter a nation of idiots.