Monday, August 25, 2014

BSNYC Field Trip: Prelude to the IMBA World Summit (Part I of XXXVI)

First of all, before anything else, I've got BIG NEWS!


Remember my hats?


Remember also how they were so amazing that everybody wanted one and so they were sold out for awhile?  Well, the nimble-fingered elves at Walz Caps have sewn up a whole bunch more, so order yours now and stop being such a bareheaded loser!



By the way, I know you're going to think I'm full of it, but may GOD STRIKE ME DEAD if this isn't the best bike-riding hat I've ever worn:


(Disclosure: Model has been airbrushed to appear more attractive.)

When I think of all the races I could have won if only I'd had access to hat technology like this during my career it's almost enough to make me come out of retirement and take another shot at the Tour de France.

Speaking of my career, it has now moved on to the "making appearances at bike events" phase (this is the phase that comes just before the "ranting pantsless in the street and getting arrested" phase), and I'm just back from the IMBA World Summit in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, where I'm pleased to announce we settled every single problem facing mountain biking today--and where I finally figured out what that license plate stood for:


(In retrospect it was pretty obvious.)

In the interest of getting back to business, let's hold off on the Summit itself for today (we'll pick up on that tomorrow) and start with a little background on the city of Steamboat Springs, so named because Henry Hudson discovered it while crossing the continent on a steamboat back in 1492:


("This looks like a great place to open a ski resort."--Henry Hudson)

To understand the nature of any city, you must first visit its downtown, and this I did, whereupon I noticed a banner which perfectly encapsulated the character of this dynamic metropolis:


Yes, I know it's hard to read.  Excuse me for NOT CLIMBING UP A GIANT LADDER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!  Basically, the banner is advertising three (3) upcoming events, those being:

--A mountain bike race;
--A running race;
--A chili cook-off.

So basically, Steamboat Springs is a town full of fitness freaks coated with an ersatz western veneer--which, I realize, describes pretty much every city in Colorado.

Here's another important fact about Steamboat Springs, which is that they call themselves "Bike Town USA®!"


No, like seriously, they trademarked "Bike Town USA®."

So up yours, Portland.

Of course, this is a pretty bold claim, especially for a city that lacks certain key accoutrements of an enlightened cycling city, foremost among those being:

--A bike share program;
--Random and senseless police crackdowns on bicyclists;
--A "bike hutch."

I mean, come on, even Cleveland has "bike hutches:"


(A bike hutch in Cleveland.  People come here to cry.)

Still, Steamboat Springs does have some juicy bike amenities, such as the Yampa River Core Trail that whisks you to and from a downtown brimming with souvenir shops, restaurants, ersatz western haberdashers, and more souvenir shops::


And no, Yampa River Core was not a 1980s youth movement:


You'll also find interesting bikes secured only by flimsy cable locks, which is how you know you've left the real world behind and are now in an outdoor sports paradise:


In fact, it's pretty much impossible to find a bike rack that allows you to lock your actual frame as opposed to just your front wheel, which is the sort of thing you can't help noticing when you're a New Yorker, and which is why I locked my sweet loaner thusly:


As for which of these two bicycles was my sweet loaner, I'll reveal that later.

Here's another cunning front-wheel-only racking system:


When I retire from bike blogging I'm going to drive across country in a great big van, stopping along the way to clip poorly-locked bikes from overly trusting resort towns.  Then I'll sell off my catch in California and spend the rest of my days humping Mt. Tampon.

In fact, I doubt I'd have to even bother with the clipping, because this bike was unlocked for at least three days:


When you're a New Yorker, no matter how law-abiding you are, you always take note of items you could theoretically steal.

Anyway, downtown Steamboat Springs is an attractive place with all the customary amenities:


(Restaurants, boutiques, ample parking, scenic views, hot springs, yadda yadda yadda.)

Where most people seem to fit into one (1) of two (2) categories:

--People who are rich;
--People who look like they shoot elk and then eat them.

This is reflected in the local artisanal culture, which boasts both high-end olive oil:


And high-end taxidermy:


It also means that sometimes the animals you see behind glass are dead:


And sometimes they're alive:


At least I think it's alive:



That is one nonplussed dog.

Of course, when you really begin to understand the whole "Bike Town USA®" thing is when you hit the roads and trails outside of town, most of which fall on the spectrum somewhere between "spectacular" and "truly spectacular:"



Alas, I am now overwhelmed by heady, oxygen-rich sea level air, so now that I've set the backdrop let's all "ronday-voo" back here tomorrow for more on the Summit and its concomitant bicycle rides:


Until then, I remain, yours truly, etc. and so forth,


--Wildcat Rock Machine


118 comments:

Spokey said...

podi?

1904 Cadardi said...

Deuce

1904 Cadardi said...

I for one would like to welcome back our benevolent comedic cycling overload!

dnk said...

Meow

samh said...

Killin' elks.

BamaPhred said...

Spokey, two podes in a day! Quite a roll. Now to read

Jasper said...

Early doors

Bryan said...

Nice Moots. Glad to have ya back, and to know you didn't die at altitude.

Flyover BC said...

Top ten.

Buffalo Bill said...

Welcome back

dnk said...

Nice post today, Mr. WCRM. Welcome back to the shadow of Mt. Tampon.

I look forward to the reveal of your sweet loaner.

Spokey said...

wadda i miss?

did snobbie go somewhere?

Flyover BC said...

That Moot looks like it has a cassette for a chainring. Which is not an unusal sight her in Colorado's grion.

Anonymous said...

SAYERSATZONCEMOREANI'MAFUCKINKILLYA!

WELCOME BACK!

DB said...

There are a lot of large automobiles in Steamboat Springs.
Welcome back.

JLRB said...

I prefer regressive bike ramps

I'd say welcome back, but that cipro comeback comment is still kinda grossing me out.

JLRB said...

AND don't forget to go in the anti-bends compressor machine thing, so you don't die

BamaPhred said...

So does elk killing season coincide with peak mtn fred season? Does anyone in Steamboat know what heat rash is?

Fred of the Sea said...

Welcome back from the Domesticated West, our sage!

"When you're a New Yorker, no matter how law-abiding you are, you always take note of items you could theoretically steal."

Ain't that the truth. I once had a job where the cafeteria had a blind cashier. It used to drive me crazy and no one understood.

Flyover BC said...

You only need the anti-bends chamber if you hold your breath while ascending, too fast. With that little chain ring and thousands of feet of climbing, I doubt WCRM was doing either.

Schisthead said...

Do we get video of you doing what you consider to be 'shredding'?

Please say yes.

crosspalms said...

Welcome back, Shredsnob!

Roille Figners said...

Looking forward to the drone footage!

Anonymous said...

Interesting sequence, youd think the run would happen AFTER the chilli cook-off.

Anonymous said...

Yes yes that's all fine, but what did you do on Wednesday? In Colorado.

grog said...

Glad to have you back Stuffed Wildcat. You have stories to tell.

JB said...

Mountains towns in CO don't need:
1. A bike share program;
2. Random and senseless police crackdowns on bicyclists; or
3. A "bike hutch."

Because:
1. Everyone already has at least 2 bikes;
2. the police are all stoned to the be-Jesus-belt (or were last night); and
3. no one steals bikes, so just leave it wherever.

Also, Moots: #blessed

ken e. said...

where can one get an artisanal cougar?

Freddy Murcks said...

Did you seen any boobies while you were in the Boat? We sure as hell didn't see any here. But we got to over 500 comments on your pre-SMT post and there was lots of potty talk (in spite of the lack or boobies.)

Steamboat is a helluva town. I used to live there, I have participated in that MTB bicycle race referred to on the banner, and I have considered participating in the chilli cookoff (I was a vegetarian at the time, so I am sure that the chilli cookoff participation would have been disastrous. They seem to favor chillis that include elk meat, bear meat, or preferably both.)

jodphoto said...

CONCOMITANT?
Gimme a fuckin' break there Buckley.

babble on said...

It's the cutest of Moots, yer loaner.

Anonymous said...

In case you're interested in what the Interesting Bike is, it's the River Rat edition of the 1 x 1 by Surly, produced for a limited time. The bike came with 3" tires, and the edition ran before fat bikes were widely known, even in Minnesota.

Anonymous said...

Just as i suspected, snobby is still coming down from all the legal weed. I bet we won't see those pics on his blog.

cycle

10,000 Aches said...

Huh, I thought it stood for "World of Smut".

balls™ said...

I got yer podium RIGHT HERE.

JB said...

I still have about a pound of Colorado butter, in my freezer. Haven't decided what to bake yet. Suggestions?

mikeweb said...

But what about those who kill rich people? And eat them.

piddle-dee-dee said...

thank god you're back. now at least i have something to do at work.

Anonymous said...

did you ride mountain bikes out there? did you drink craft beer? were you referred to as dude 25 times a day? did you eat a bison burger? did you smoke marijuana? Just some topics for tomorrow that you might want to touch on.

RoadQueen said...

Welcome back, Snob!

Those pictures make me want to visit this far and away majikal place.

It looks absolutely gorgeous. I hope you got lots of pictures (cell pics will do) and video would be an extra bonus.

Do they have much of an equine presence as well as a cycling presence, did you notice?

Anonymous said...

Is that pumptrack crabon?

3G said...

ERSA TZX2

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Cleveland has multiple bike hutches I'll have you know.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:23pm,

--Yes
--Yes
--No
--No
--No

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Leave me Alone said...

So as part of your appearance fee they gave you a loaner loner? Was he the quiet psycho type of loner, or the loud drive everyone away variety?

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

I can never tell an ocelot from a lynx.

Not without tasting them.

Anonymous said...

hey mr. rock machine - it appears the times did a write-up about your new digs

I didn't know you lived in jersey city heights.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC --

My dog asked me to tell you that he is available to run lead out for your pantless ranting in the street phase.

An excerpt from his palmares can be found here.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:10pm,

Made the mistake of reading that article while I was away. It nearly ruined my whole trip.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JLRB said...

This part sums it all:

Two swings hang by ropes from the wooden beams. “It was a no-brainer, trust me,”

That and the "Q word" - I mean, I get it, most people are at least a little uncomfortable about queebs

trama said...

@JB,

Might I suggest not a baked item, but rather a spinach saute' with butter burned sage, poured over fresh wild porcini and thyme raviolis? Shaved parmesan on top of course, and a big bag of Doritos about an hour later.

JB said...

"...Mr. Huston, 42, a filmmaker, and Ms. Medvedik-Huston, 43, an accessories designer..."

I'm dying over here.

JB said...

@trama,

That sounds great! When can you come by and cook that?

At this point, I'll probably bake up a couple dozen chocolate chip cookies and freeze them.

Anonymous said...

There was no mention of Bay Ridge in the article... I guess the R (Rarely) and N (Never) trains seal its fate.
11 Bike Miles is still OK.

When the time comes, I'll sell the house to 20 car service drivers. Lincolns Lincolns everywhere ! Call to prayer optional.

vsk

BikeSnobNYC said...

vsk,

Not having your neighborhood mentioned in that article is cause for celebration.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

DB said...

Sunnyside isn't bad. I've been there.

gE said...

Oh man, the suspense is killing me. One more sleep before you show us pics of all the awesome sheds in Steamboat!

Nice Moots. Glad to see someone's carrying the torch on that old KHS rear suspension idear.

mikeweb said...

My old neighborhood was mentioned. My new neighborhood gets more ink in the police blotter than the real estate section.

I know one of the real estate 'experts' quoted in that article. Not a nice person.

Fred of the Sea said...

My brother lived in JC for a year or two. We used to eat at an authentic Al Qaeda restaurant when I visited him. I imagine the terrorists have been priced out by the accessories designers and filmmakers.

DB said...

I don't see the Fly6 on the rental Moots.

Spokey said...

little peaches went from JC to Carroll Gardens to Bed Stuy to New Haven to Portlandia.

I fear an invasion of hipsters from mars if she loses her job and moves back home.

Spokey said...

I was seriously considering a fly6. But I think the trunk bag is too tall. Guess I'll have to wait for fly7 to mount it on the rear rack.

DB said...

Burger King is evading taxes by buying Tim Hortons.
I hope Babs and Commie had Tim Horton stock because it went up 23% today, eh?

JLRB said...

just slap a "flame broiled" burger between two cream-filled donutz and call it a cramping diarreah special

caged MonkeyMan(person)(entity) said...

can they pay their taxes in canada dollars?

JB said...

I just noticed that the Moots is 27.5/650B. I bet it was the best of a 26er and the best of a 29er, with none of the bitter aftertaste.

Fred of the Sea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fred of the Sea said...

Zigzagging dog story: About 25 yrs ago, my late parents are preparing to sojourn, so my mother takes their mutt by cab from the Gramercy Pk area to a dog boarder somewhere South of Canal St. Parents jet off. Dog escapes and is presumed run over or served hot over a nice pilaf. A week after they return, a neighbor finds dog, thin but unharmed, outside their building.

You would not think my mom's dog karma would be that solid after letting another dog catch his dragging leash in the elevator door and get pulled up to the ceiling of the elevator as it descended. He survived.

JLRB said...

No comments about stuffing pussies yet?

Drock said...

The Next bike they loaned you, did you like the four bolt chainring pattern? Ive thought about switching to save weight.

Dooth said...

Wildcat @1:38

--totally

--no doubt

--really?

--hmmm

--no fuckin way!

PBateman said...

any chance that hat can be made in a different colorway?

you see, there is the place outside of NY and California that some people actually live and its called the south. and i went to a big ol' southern football school and i hate the color orange and the state and people of tennessee with such livid fury that i simply will not wear orange anything. hell, i dye my orange juice with food coloring. well, not really but now that i've thought about it i might start because i damn hate those white trash hillbillies so damn much. just look at these people -- i wouldn't let my dog piss on them to put out the fire. : http://www.tigerdroppings.com/news/63871/49314265/PIC-This-Tennessee-Family-Dressed-As-Pimps-For-Spring-Game?sect=article_right


anyway, if you could have one done with red instead of orange i wouldnt mind getting one.

thanks

Philip said...

That is some hilarious anti-Tennessee bigotry right there.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Now that Snob has traded the wide-open expanses of Colorado for the confines of NYC, he can go back to playing my favorite NYC game -- "What the fuck just dripped on my head?"

For the uninitiated, you never look up to see because you will invariably get either an eyeful or a mouthful -- just one of the charms of high-rise living...

McFly said...

Wiwm 8====D~~~COD

McFly said...

Good thing PBateman. There is a strong possibility that we would put a bullet in the cranium of your mangey ass mutt. Even whilst being consumed by fire. Which we just discovered. AND IS ORANGE.

Mark said...

One of my lasting memories of Telluride was that the local bike shop left most of its rolling stock unlocked on the sidewalk 24 hours a day. That, and the bus ride to a ski area on which the passengers had no choice but to listen passively to a crazy radio interview with Shirley Maclaine for the duration of the trip.

DB said...

Uh, oh.
The war between the states never really ended, did it?

Flyover BC said...

Your lucky Brooklyn has all those film makers and accessory designers.

Here in Fanta Se we got a lot of massage therapists, shamans, spirit guides, writers, yogis, and photographers.

I dont' know what they really do for a living though. Except for the yogis, the do web design and security systems.

Lauren R. Rice said...

Pure fucking bsnyc genius. Spanks.

babble on said...

Lol! Right?! You said it, Lauren. I laughed right out loud again and again, Snobberdooderdums. It's so good to have you back. :) xo

alpaca lips said...

Flyover BC -- A few weeks back the New Yorker's "Shouts and Murmers" section had a piece called "Tales from Old Santa Fe". YMMV, but I found it very funny.

Anonymous said...

It's interesting that when you return from these summiteerings, Snobby, you always seem to be in a jolly mood. Which begs the question; is it the burden of grinding out your daily blog or living in NY that renders you normally so grumpy?

But if I may, I have some more benign questions too...

1) the photoshopped image of the cap model appears to have added some chest hair. Is chest hair "in" again?

2) are you sure that picture of the old bloke sitting on a deck chair is Henry Hudson? I'm pretty sure it's actually Albert Einstein.

3) is that picture of the banner strung across the street real? The town is so empty it looks like a scene from the Twilight Zone.

4) what's the "H" stand for in the Yampa River Core thing?

5) that stupid fat bike with the stupid flimsy cable lock has a stupid bottle cage on the stupid handlebars because stupidly there's a stupid little bag covering the stupid downtube bottle cage eyelets. Would you agree it's an all round stupid bike?

6) I'll go out on a limb here and assume it's the Mooty that's your sweet loaner, but that bendy frame is really just a pretentious affectation, isn't it?

7) that "Cowboys and Indians" shop, is it a specialist brothel or some kind of racist fashion label?

8) what the fuck is that green post in your streetscape photo!? It serves no function whatsoever that I can see, so what is it!? Tell me, tell me, not knowing is very upsetting.

9) the picture of that bike trail isn't real is it? Such handsome and inviting trails can't actually exist.

Hypo said...

I thought that taxidermy was the name used for getting a cheap botox treatment in the back seat of a cab.

Flyover BC said...

Thanks A Lips. I found it.

I forgot about the astral conjoiners, and the "tales" didn't mention the ethereal discombobulators, and terrestrial constructionists and deconstructionists.

BTW, I've never seen a celebrity here, not counting politicians. I'm probably too square to recognize one.

Orange said...

did you eat a marijuana burger while fucking a bison while shouting woooo hoo?

Anonymous said...

Old things that look dead made to look like they still have life in them. Same. Same.

Flyover BC said...

Henry Hudson and Albert Einstein, never the Twain shall meet.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

See, Cleveland is not so bad is it?

Anonymous said...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...
See, Cleveland is not so bad is it?


Cleveland is also renowned for its steamers.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 6:20pm,

Bent tubes on mountainous-style bicycles increase standover and fork clearance.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

"Bent tubes on mountainous-style bicycles increase standover and fork clearance."

Dammit! I thought I'd caught you out being a bit of a wanker, but that actually makes a lot of sense.

I suppose I could take you to task over the orientation of your brake levers...

Anonymous said...

What? An article about a trip to Colorado without talking about weed? Maureen is ashamed of (for) you

Anonymous said...

@PBateman: Them's fightin' words.

GO, VOLS!!!!!

dop said...

I had a friend who went to university of FL...the incoming director of security at that time was from U Tenn. To throw down the gauntlet, he had the campus cops' cars painted in volunteer orange, instead of U of FL orange

Dead Writer said...

Ha. Ha. Flyover @ 6:34. That's gotta be the cod.* Mark my words.

*Comet of the day, April 20th 1910.

DB said...

Leading somebody out.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Somewhere close to 100.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Oh and that bicycle box is a happy place because it is next to Nano Brew which has good beer and great falafel burgers.

Kingpin said...

poot!

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Thanks DB.

dop said...

now that I think of it, he was from ten & the security guy made the cars blue & orange for FL

BamaPhred said...


PB, McFly, is it the Third Saturday in October yet? Damn that hookah!
Disclaimer. I used to be a Bama fan, but the obnoxious fans, including my mom, wife, and children, turned me into a fan of whoever is playing Bama, the Bayou Bengals, Ole Piss, or the Weegle Weegle War Damn Eagles, next.
I must admit Ole Piss fans tend to stay in the stands longer in a losing effort. But that's only because they all passed out in the first quarter.
That giant sucking sound you may hear on a Fall Saturday is the sound of the Bama fans emptying Bryant Denny if the Tide losing at half time. The game is just an excuse to sit in the RV parking lot, compare Bear tats, and get wasted. And drive home, of course, in the RV.

babble on said...

I <3 nimble fingered elves. Mmm...

Oh here we go. Thanks a lot for making it obvious how much of a mutard I am. My career is all ass backward next to yours, snobbers. You and every other normal, sane specimen of humanity. I've been ranting pantsless in the streets for EVER already, and it's my first year rolling with a UCI license. Who gets faster with age, anyway?

Er, and one more thing. You know that ladder in the middle of the street you were going on about? That would be the zoom button. Yer smarting phone has one.

Yours.
A smarting alec.

PS. With love. And all due respect, etc. And kisses. Mmmmm kisses. Kisses all round. XX

the Jimboner said...

punk snot dead

I got yur kisses right here said...

Australian kisses - just like french kisses, but down under

leroy said...

Dear Mr. P. Bateman--

Hey, how about that dawg. No wait....

Hey, them dawgs, what about them? No that's not it.

Oh oh oh, I know. What about the dawg?

Still not right.

Them dawgs, how about them?

Hmmm. I better ask my dog.


leroy said...

My dog told me that there was a scandal down south. Half of the university of South Carolina football team didn't know what state Clemson was in.

Of course, three quarters of the Clemson football team didn't know what state the University of South Carolina was in.

leroy said...

My dog wishes to send condolences to Mr. McFly about the tragedy that befell the University of Tennessee's driver's ed and sex education programs.

He heard the mule died.

samuel said...

Bateman is probably from Alabama. When they finally get their first pair of shoes on the day of their marriage they buck for a full half hour.

leroy said...

Note to self. Next year decline dog's challenge to make old back-to-school japes work.

Obedience school drop outs' tastes tend toward the sophomoric.

leroy said...

Samuel-- P. Bateman's antipathy to orange and geographical references suggest a Georgia Bull Dog.

But I have a hard time recognizing bull from a dog.

Jan Ullrich said...

Elk meat tastes best with artisanal olive oil drizzled on it. Or if you eat it like I do, with plenty of mayo.

Tom Danielson said...

Selling my Cervelo because after trying this sport I think it is not for me. Has 23mm tires that are too harsh for my bum that is not liking the pounding. I am going to stick to cricket, squash, and other games with balls.

semi serious cyclist said...

"When you're a New Yorker, no matter how law-abiding you are, you always take note of items you could theoretically steal."

It's not just new amsterdam where this thought percolates through the locals.

Same thing on the West coast, but north of the San Francisco cleave line, emasculated hipsters are rendered inert in their larcenous impulses.

Anonymous said...

Scranus

Anonymous said...

Your welcome!

And we are "Bike [CITY] USA" where we ride other peoples (stolen) bikes!

Gawblessyu!

Portland-