Friday, June 13, 2014

BSNYC Fried Egg Fun Quiz!

It's Farger's Day this weekend!


That means this afternoon I'll be packing my bags full of thousands of dollars of outdoorsman equipment for an all-weekend knobby-tire camping adventure Duderfest with my Dad-bros in an "epic" all-terrain douche-down!


Just kidding!


As a thoroughly domesticated urbanite, I do my very best to always use my own toilet in the morning, and to always go to sleep in my own bed at night.  Sure, I like to squeeze as much riding as possible in between, but my approach to nature is decidedly Victorian--I like it to be clearly delineated, neatly contained, and in close proximity to the mall:


If you get a few drinks in me I'll tell you about the time I got lost for four days and finally stumbled emaciated and half-mad from dehydration into the Cheesecake Factory.

Also, I've got all the nature I can handle on the mean streets of the Bronx:


(Prélude à l'après-midi d'un Fred.)

Le Fred, c'est moi.

In other news, here's some total bullshit from NPR about bike share and helments:

Rental stations across town give people a quick way to get around — and get some exercise.

But there's a catch.

When you pick up a bike, you usually have to bring your own helmet or go without one. If you ride with your hair flapping in the breeze, your risk for brain injury goes up.

OH NO, THEY'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!


(You maniacs!!!)

Of course, as it turns out, the people conducting the study actually have no idea what the fuck they're looking at, but why would the let that stop them from concern-trolling?

Now, a study like this one can't prove cause and effect. Other factors that might have been missed by the researchers could have been at work. The researchers didn't have information on individual patients and don't know whether the people who were hurt in bike-share cities were actually using bikes they rented. Also, a bump seen in the graph showing the proportion of head injuries before the launch of bike-share programs might be a sign of problems with the data.

I'd love to know who paid for this study.  My suspicion is that it was jointly funded by General Motors, Easton-Bell Sports, and Dorothy Rabinowitz.

One thing's for sure, though, which is that mandatory helment laws would certainly reduce brain injuries among bike share users.  In fact, they'll probably eliminate them altogether, since nobody will use the damn bikes in the first place.  When I went to Melbourne (where helments are mandatory) I can't recall seeing anybody using the bike share program:


(Melbourne bike share fleet covered with cobwebs, or koala webs, which are the Australian equivalent.)

In fact, I saw more people doing their laundry shirtless than I saw people using bike share:


Just wait until Australia passes a helment law in laundromats.  Laundry-related injuries will go down to zero, but nobody will wash their clothes, and Australians will become even more fragrant than New Zealanders.

Anyway, helments are clearly a panacea, because nobody ever gets hurt playing football.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong that's not great, and also you'll see rural slam poetry.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and never stray too far from the mall.


--Wildcat Rock Machine




("Hey there, Sugarnads.  Got any petal dust?")

1) Which is not among the Yorkshire terms of endearment to be avoided by Tour de France volunteers?

--Mate
--Love
--Darling
--Sugarnads




2) What is Chris Froome doing?

--Using an asthma inhaler
--Eating some energy gel
--Using amyl nitrite, commonly known as "poppers"
--Taking a quick whiff to assess his "frumunda situation" after reaching into his bib shorts and adjusting himself





(Note to self: don't buy a used bike seat from this guy.)

3) In a controversial marketing ploy, representatives from Coppertone will be giving out samples of "Taint Maintain," their soon-to-be-released sunblock stick formulated specifically for private parts, at tonight's World Naked Bike Ride in New York City.

--True
--False





4) This is an example of:

--Biomimicry
--Luminescent whiskers for your bike
--Something stupid that will never, ever catch on outside of Burning Man (unless by "catch on" you mean "catch onto a passing truck")
--All of the above





(Cat Sicks.)

5) Lance Armstrong was recently spotted in New York City taking part in a "Cat 6" race on a Citi Bike.

--True
--False





(So light you can hold them in the palm of your hand!)

6) Finally!  A keychain that:

--Weighs a whole 40% less than a "regular" keychain
--Provides "greater leverage" for opening locks
--Requires you to mangle your keys, rendering them indistinguishable from one another and difficult to copy and remove, as well as offers little or no compatibility with odd-shaped keys
--All of the above





7) Fill in the blank:

Over The Eight - m4w

I was outside with a friend. You came out, we chatted. We talked about your "natural blonde" hair. I tapped your bike helmet. You had __________. Your name was Erin.

--"tiny hands"
--"hard breasts"
--"wonderful bones, great eyes, and you dress really interestingly"
--"luminescent bike whiskers"



***Special After-Crashing-Into-Somebody-Always-Assign-Blame-To-Them-Immediately-Themed Bonus Video!***



Hey, it works for drivers...

103 comments:

Anonymous said...

BRO!!! Drivechain pic of your ride plz?!?!?

-MTBSNOBNYC

Anonymous said...

Podiating agian bitchez

ce said...

Woah, I haven't even cracked my post work VB yet!

Anonymous said...

Wow and I haven't had any time to dope this morning.....

whistler said...

Every once in a while you need to poop in the wilderness to truly appreciate your own toilet.

BikeSnobNYC said...

whistler,

I find that public toilets accomplish the same thing.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

#7 ain't too shabby

Anonymous said...

Perfect test ride destination for the kookoo penthouse bibs...http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/4510937414.html

The Robot Engineer said...

"Koala Webs" - I love it.

Anonymous said...

Top 10!!!!!!

Bama Phred said...

Hoofed rats. Now I understand.

DB said...

Thanks, Wildcat.
Happy Fathers Day, All. Enjoy your new bottle of British Sterling.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed the posts this week. Happy Father's Day x17.

Rusty Red said...

Poop is funny

samh said...

Happy anniversary, BSNYC. It's been a long, hilarious road and I look forward to time-trialers crashing along it for many years to come.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 13, 2007 - Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads, #1.

Buffalo Bill said...

I love long weekends. Wish I had as many to enjoy as WCRM does.

BikeSnobNYC said...

samh,

Wow, I didn't realize! Thank you. Seven years of irrelevance...

--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

Pat McQuaid grilled Chris Froome about his breathing issues.

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

945 am and 17 posts already. Who all gets out of bed so early. Oh, yeah. People at WORK.

samh said...

BSNYC/RTMS: Reveling in irrelevance since 2007.

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

"Brain Injuries Rose in Cities after Bike Share Roll Out" I'll say, just look at the psycho-babble that came out of Dorothy Rabinowitz after the Citi Roll Out.

mikeweb said...

Happy father's day Wildcat.

The first photo and your description of your daily regimen redefines the meaning of "it's go time".

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

Question #7: Isn't the correct answer "Magnificent upturned breasts with erect nipples"?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Well, I suppose that some sort of well-deserved congratulations are in order upon the seventh anniversary of this scandalous, libelous blog thingy.

JB said...

7 years? That partially explains the itching.

shining trapezoid said...

Debussy would be proud.
Gary Debussy.

babble on said...

Er... how did you fit seventeen chilluns into seven short years!?!

dancesonpedals said...

10:30...I'm usually not finished throwing up at this hour

Spokey said...

This commie inspired early morning posting has to stop



recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice on the 7 Años. Tonight's fermented grain beverages in your honor old man.

Paul Bowen said...

Interesting comparison of Melbourne and Dublin bike hire schemes and the effect of helment compulsion: http://www.cyclehelmets.org/1211.html

mikeweb said...

When Snobby is finally proven to be a lying unrepentant doper prone to bribery and intimidation, these 7 years will be marked as 'no winner' in the annals of bloggery.

ce said...

Whistler/Snobbo, as someone who has the opportunity to shit in some of the Earth's most pristine wilderness in the course of day to day business, I've got to say, "the wilderness toilet" is in no way akin to festering, fetid public toilets, and is far more accommodating, and grandly appointed, than even the most upmarket household toilet.

When you are alone in the wilderness it is as if the whole world is your toilet. Any surface you fancy, any vista you please. No trace or sense of others, no notion of sharing, no anxiety.

Modesty has no meaning; a light breeze on the scranus.

Blog Drafter said...

You fauned that fawn? Right on.

Paul Bowen said...

Stupid m4w :(

Nice weekend y'all.

ce said...

...unless you sit on a koala web, that can quickly ruin an otherwise profound experience.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I have to say that I will be forever grateful for the Tantric massage techniques BSNYC has taught me on this blog across the years.

They have really opened my chakras and allowed my kundalini to flow more freely.

It has truly changed my life.

jLRB said...

7 year anniversary on Friday the 13th with a full moon (and I'm not talking about those nekid arses on biek seatz)

Flyover BC said...

The way to stop dangerous hair flapping in the breeze is to apply a lot of hair spray or gel and create an energy absorbing hair-helment.

dancesonpedals said...

as long as we're discussing pooping,...I just hate it when I sit down on the bog & my balls get wet. As an aging Fred, fighting gravity, the sinews of my scrotum are lengthening as gravity keeps pulling them toward the earth's core, and toward the water line...I either need a taller seat, or one of those low-flow terlits..(don't ask lenzin)...ladies, you may notice something similar with your nipples touching your belt buckles

Anonymous said...

NPR got it wrong. Actually, the incidence of bike accidents went down, a lot, after bike share came in. What did happen was that for those fewer accidents that happened, people were 14% more likely to fall on their heads. NPR must have done as well in their high school mail order statistics course as I did.

Spokey said...

dancesonpedals

couple points.

at least around here, they are comfort seat terlits. And they are great. A caution though. If you have well water and traditionally fill up the bathtub when a storm's a brewin', don't get one with one of them new fangled sealed pressurized tanks. You'll be in for a surprise when you try to refill the tank.

don't be a dope and sit on the bog. Find a fallen branch strong enough to mostly support you and hang your butt off the back. Essentially sit on the branch with your thighs. Works for me.

McFly said...

3 cheers for MILF on Boats!!

You know whats better than a BJ? A BJ on a boat. That's what.

Mr Plow said...

" a study like this one can't prove cause and effect". I guess "study" doesn't mean what I think it does.

jodphoto said...

Hey Wildcat,

Did you see BabbleOn's crash injuries? Do you still think it's a good idea to encourage people to ride without a helmet. Just sayin'.

RoadQueen said...

Happy Father's Day to all of the daddies!!!

Also - small hands on a woman make your junk look huge while she's playing with it. So there's that.

dancesonpedals said...

thanks spokey...I was thinking about an artisanal wood terlit seat...something from the birch john society catalog...

no well water for us...our street comprised the last 20 customers of a small water company, so they ceded us to a neighboring village...wthe village charges a fortune and doesn't care, because we can't vote in their elections

balls™ said...

Unpaid* irrelevance. Worth every penny.

*Well, someone is paying for it. Something tells me that I'm not the only person reading this blog from work.

scranus.

balls™ said...

Unpaid* irrelevance. Worth every penny.

*Well, someone is paying for it. Something tells me that I'm not the only person reading this blog from work.

scranus.

balls™ said...

Huh. I was mistaken as a robot, so it double posted me. I want my money back.

DB said...

Happy Anniversary, Wildcat. Thanks for putting in the time to entertain us.
And thanks to the BSNYC community for the daily laughs.

Spokey said...

alas, reading at work is a good idea but going to work is a really bad idea.

bad enough the fucking cat gets me up before noon and spousy wants dinner made almost every day.

And I'm supposed to go to work too!

babble on said...

Jodphoto - are you kidding?! I'm not like most cyclists. In the first place, that was a pretty fast moving peloton I caught a wheeel in, and few folks are dumb enough to give that a go. More importantly, I am a Crash Test Dummy. We Dummies alway know who we are by the time we hit puberty, and if we've made it that far, chances are we are already well acquainted with helments.

Spokey- you do dinner every day? That's awesome.

Anonymous said...

Well put RQ.

Spoken like a true pedophile.

babble on said...

Man, if yer doing her every day, too, that would make you the perfect partner!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Thank you from the bottom of my yoni.

Anonymous said...

Keep your head up Babble. You will be back on your knees in no time.

babble on said...

LOL! I sure hope so.

crosspalms said...

Sorry I'm late. I was trying to get my hair to flap in the breeze, but there's just not enough of it anymore. Seven years ago I had a full head, but then I started reading this and it's been a brakeless downhill careen ever since. (Fact-checker just tapped me on the shoulder and said, uh, dude, you didn't get here till around 2010; I said why don't I have more hair then? That shut him up.) Anyway, thanks for all the good sense, the hilarity, the flushing and greasing, the well-aimed ire, and the clustertariat here.

anti chamois said...

small hands, large hands, you rub it, it gets bigger

BamaPhred said...

Seven years of scranus slapping humor, minor blasphemy, thought provoking insight, and bonus bib shorts guy and Recumbabe. Keep it up WCRM. Somehow Recumbabe has made it into my autokerrect. It's that another Snobbism that has made it to the mainstream?

Cycologist said...

Easton-Bell is now 'BRG Sports' for Bell-Ridell-Giro (& Blackburn). EASTON name & baseball sold to Bauer Performance Sports. Cycling to Race Face and hockey pending finding a buyer as no one wants/needs it

babble on said...

Metro sexuality is so last century. LOL! Let's talk about spornosexuality.

Let's get ripped.

Spokey said...

babs

weekdays. Weekends are a free fire zone


wishiwasmerckx said...

Babbs, that's a new one on me. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Dave said...

Mandelbaum!
Mandelbaum!
Mandelbaum!

"Each crepe has to be hand-rolled by a Mandelbaum. That's what puts the magic in Magic Pan."

Much like this hand-rolled blog we can't seem to leave.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YS3NsSUIDfo

BamaPhred said...

Tried getting ripped years ago. Wound up looking like a more weasely version of myself. Quit when my then ninth grader went to gym with me and promptly repped the bench press 25 times with the same weight I struggled so mightily to do once. I was so excited to demonstrate that I could actually bp my weight. True story.

Anonymous said...

Where does this notion that Kiwis pong more than Australians come from?

I don't dispute it, it just seems to have come out of the blue.

Dooth said...

Happy Anniversary Happy Anniversary Happy Anniversary Haaappy Anniversary Pour a cheerful toast and fill it Happy Anniversary But be careful you don't spill it Happy Anniversary Ooooo Happy Anniversary Happy Anniversary Happy Anniversary Haaappy Anniversary

Anonymous said...

The Dutch don't football with as much class as they cycle. They're thuggish and crude.

grog said...

BSNYC Analversary. Cheers!
Flag Day. Cheers!
Father Day. Cheers!
Triple Celebration. Cheers!
Recumbabe. Cheers!
Weekend Rides. Cheers!
Getting Ripped. Cheers!
scranus

Comment deleted said...

I certainly have enjoyed the last 50 years of your blog, RTMS. Here's to another 50!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

7 years?
It feels so much....





....longer

McFly said...

"You think you are better than me?"

"It's GO time."

Deadly Fredly said...

Confession time: I often sniff my fingers to assess the fromunda situation after I scratch my balls. This is more often an issue in the winter when I don't shower everyday due to the fact that winter is cold and I sweat less when it's cold.



119

Freddy Murcks said...

Dear Snob - I don't usually read the missed connections section on Craigslist, so I am a little unclear on the typical content. Anyway, are they all creepy or do you troll for the creepy ones? Small hands? Why not just say "I was hoping we could meet up so I can kill you and cook your liver and make it into a nice pate."?




144

Anonymous said...

Hey Wildcat, I was hoping you'd make a cameo: http://tinyurl.com/l2shcgz

jodphoto said...

Helmets and concussions article. For those who care.

http://www.bicycling.com/senseless/index.html?cm_mmc=Google-_-Bicycling-_-Content-Story-_-helmets-senseless

mikeweb said...

Seems all the naked or semi-naked riders in Williamsburg tonight will have a chance to bring along their soap and loofah and take a nice shower, backwoods style.

gE said...

I don't know why, but I literally laughed out loud at the photo of the puking cat. Thanks Wildcat, I finally understand LOLCATS.

Google's giving me a complex. No matter how many times I prove I'm not a robot, it keeps asking and asking. Maybe I am. Am I? I am, aren't I?

Rick Deckard said...

gE, could you please place your eyeball here next to the Voight-Kampff machine? I need to ask you a few questions.

leroy said...

Seven years?

All I remember is heading into the Catskills with my dog, playing nine pins with the ghosts of Henry Hudson's crew, and drinking some moonshine.

Tempus fugit.

Ride timelessly all. Enjoy every sandwich.

McFly said...

Roille,
My Full Nudal Frontitty Program is a success. I asked and I received. Only one. It was a smmedium but very brown and quite perky to be 40 & some change. Never know unless you ask.

Bryant said...

Christ, Deckard, you look worse than that skinjob you left on the sidewalk

Rachael said...

Did you ever do one of those voigt-kompt tests on yourself?

David Pearce said...

The Boyfriend:

"Ces't Moi/
Ces't Moi/
I'm forced to admit/
I'm far too NOBLE to lie!/
Ces't Moi/
Ces't Moi/
The man in whom/
These qualities bloom/
Ces't Moi/
Ces't Moi/
'Tis I!

David Pearce said...

Stupid of me.

It wasn't "The Boyfriend".

It was "Candide".

Sorry.

Tilford Logic said...

"Boulder has sure grown up crazy. I didn’t spend much time there last year during Cyclo-X Nationals. Especially out by 28th street.

Anonymous said...

After some research, I have determined that that guy who crashed and posted the angry video was indeed "on the pavement" which means "sidewalk" in America, and not in a "cycle lane." And in fact, the guy crossing the street was "in the cycle lane." Although he then proceeded to ride off down the "pavement." I have notified all the relevant authorities.

BamaPhred said...

Having a hard time empathising with either of the two knobs in the angry cyclist video. If either would have been paying attention this is all easily avoided and a carefree ride is enjoyed by both. Perhaps they actually got what both were looking for, after all. Future CL post
Missed Connections
Me, riding on sidewalk, you, with head up ass. We crashed, had words, and as you rode away I noticed you had a nice swing back there. Maybe we meet later and resolve our conflict?

Ali arif said...

for the best and latest facebook cover photos, mix fruit fb covers, entertainment covers, party covers, natural fb covers, all type of fb covers
www.uniquefbcovers.com

Telegram Sam said...

I was rolling towards 30th on Broadway on Friday, the turn light was red but the bike light was green. A truck completely ignored the turn light and I swerved left to avoid him, plowing into a guy who was in turn ignoring the Don't Walk signal. He was big and brawny, I wasn't going fast, and we were both fine. "Alright?" he asked me. "Fine, thanks," I said, "Sorry." "No problem," he said. Then he kept heading across the street and added "By the way, the light was red." "No it wasn't," I countered, "it was the turn light, asshole." He turned around and yelled "What did you say?!" and I noticed he was wearing glasses that were at least 1/2" thick. Serious Coke bottle bottoms. "No wonder you couldn't figure it out, Mr. Magoo," I told him. "You obviously can't see for shit!" And then I kept going, giving him an over-the-shoulder bird.

gE said...

Wow, now Googles asking me to prove that I'm not a replicant. Anyone else notice the change? Oh.

Hey, I totally had those numbers right. What gives?

gE said...

Yeah, that's right Google, a replicant wouldn't have missed that apostrophe. Suck on that.

McFly said...

El Pistelero is back beechez. He was finger-bangin all up in Froomes injured bunghole.

The Association of Tainted Beef collectively hold their breath.

Dad said...

McFly - Was as the dude's name with the perky weenie?

Telesam - Way to turn a good situaton bad

JLRB said...

So the 7 Year anniversary traditional gift is either Wool (stylish BSNYC cap) or copper (new grade of SRAM parts?)

JLRB said...

And the lead in continues at 98

JLRB said...

99

Anonymous said...

Where's WIWM for 100!

JLRB said...

#4 in the quiz is none of the above - those are curb feelers for people who have difficulty parking their biek

Spokey said...

JLRB

you're stuttering

Anonymous said...

S
C
R
A
N
U