Friday, June 20, 2014

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

If someone from outside of the United States were to ask me how Americans feel about people who ride bicycles, first I would show them this:



Then I would show them this:


Along with the following comment:

groundhog2008

This cyclist did not appear to try to stop, or even slow down.  And, it looked like there was room to make a safe pass.  This doesnt make sense to me, unless he was looking for a reason to blame a motorist for something.  I just looked it up, and it is true that maintenance vehicles legally drive on this bridge, and there are NO signs forbidding other vehicles from doing so, either.   I get tired of these obviously queer guys wearing those tight girly pants and causing traffic mayhem wherever they go!  It doesnt matter to them, whether they are on the road, sidewalk, walking trails, or whatever, they ALWAYS feel like they have the right of way, whining about something that didnt go their way!!  A lot of them are rich, and dont work, so this is what they do.  If some of these people get run over once in a while, that is what they should expect when they knowingly take the risks of being out on the highways, totally unprotected by anything but those cheap styrofoam helmets!!!!

I wonder if "groundhog2008" experiences physical pain from being so stupid.  You'd think there'd be some sort of dull throbbing in the cranial region.  Also, he says most cyclists are rich homosexuals who don't work as though that's a bad thing.  We should be so lucky!  It sounds like a very pleasant lifestyle, and instead of reading stupid bike blogs at our crappy jobs all day we'd be riding back and forth from our Chelsea townhouses to our summer places on Fire Island.

Of course, if this same person would ask me if I enjoyed riding bicycles, I'd answer thusly:


I'd probably answer more emphatically if I had a better wheelset, and I've currently got my eyes on the new Zipps, which are a bargain at only $3,600:


The upgrades from the 404 Firecrest carbon clincher to the 404 Firestrike don’t come cheap. The 404 Firecrest currently costs $2,725 and it will remain in the line. The new 404 Firestrike wheelset will be available as a higher end option for $3,600. The Firestrike is just 20 grams lighter than the Firecrest 404, and uses largely the same shape; clearly the new wheels will appeal only to a very specific rider, one who often rides in the rain and, most importantly, is willing to shell out serious cash for marginal gains.

Sure, $3,600 sounds like a perfectly reasonable price for a pair of dedicated rain wheels, which is why I plan to put them on my dedicated rain bike, where the improved aerodynamics will cancel out the resistance caused by my rusty chain:


I suppose I could also just use the $3,600 to buy another bicycle, but a pair of absurdly-priced wheels that will be obsolete as soon as road bikes move over to "hydrolic dick breaks" seems like a much better investment.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see the Bicycle Blues.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride safely.



--Wildcat Rock Machine


1) What is this?

--A L'Eroica-legal cleat with float
--What Freds do when they're happy
--A rider struggling vainly to extricate himself from his toe clips
--A revolutionary new pedaling technique whereby you reduce your pedal stroke to a single degree and "ratchet" your way forward








2) Vélib' in Paris is preparing to launch:

--A bike share program for children
--A three-week long bike share stage race to coincide with the Tour de France
--A bike share program for dogs
--A doping control program







3) What was "Let Levi Ride?"

--A fake grassroots campaign launched by Trek in 2008 to protest Astana's Tour de France ban
--A real grassroots campaign launched by bike messengers to protest USA Cycling's ban on "jorts" in road racing
--A "tramp stamp" tattoo worn by Odessa Gunn
--The first track on mandolin virtuoso Letle Viride's seminal 1973 self-titled debut album






4) What is this rider doing?

--Salmoning
--Shoaling
--Circling
--Sharting





(Via a reader.  Thank you, reader!)

5) According to the seller, this recumbent comes with:

--A parking brake
--A safety flag
--An emasculation
--All of the above




6) You should always wear a helment when handling bamboo.

--True
--False





(DJ Midlife Crisis on the Wheels of Steel)

7) Fixed-gear streetwear is now evidently the domain of middle-aged men.

--True


***Special "ALLIGATOR UP!!!"-Themed Bonus Video***

108 comments:

streepo said...

scranus

GreySpoke said...

podium?

RJ Squirl said...

podio?

Anonymous said...

Pubes

DB said...

Would've been here sooner, but I became mesmerized by the floating cleat.

streepo said...

How is it the alligator's fault you weren't paying attention, you stupid bastard?

BamaPhred said...

Top 10? Woo-Hoo!

le Correcteur said...

Top ten, anyway. But no quiz yet.

Stuart Rasmussen said...

hi from not-dead-yet-bike-share-land.....

Anonymous said...

You've been all up in my cornflakes with these morning blog posts. Please resume with your regularly scheduled posts!

Blog Drafter said...

Nice week, nice quiz, but still, everything sucks.

Ride safe and Scranus.

crosspalms said...

So Much for the Selfies is what I'll call my next CD.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

100% on the quiz. What do I get?

dancesonpedals said...

Mr Snob, you need a bumper sticker for the car you own..."My Rain Bike is a Tarmac"

What? A robot can't spell 338?

Jombo said...

I'm typing this whilst wearing my vintage "Levi in '08" t-shirt, bitches

Anonymous said...

fuck that quiz shit; what number am I?

Anonymous said...

Alligator / Selfie video - Fantastic.

Anonymous said...

"... obviously queer guys wearing those tight girly pants ..."

if you're a rich one, send me a BM!

Comment deleted said...

I've never said this to an alligator:

"I just want to grab your tail."

mikeweb said...

Trooper?

Bryan said...

Short post today! Alligator guy could have avoided his crash if he has a dedicated gravel grinder with a gator catcher (think cow catcher in front of a train)...he could probably use the air spear but near the ground instead of in front of his hand bars. That way he stays a bit more aero.

Man I had to go digging to find that! Anyways, Friday. Woop

mikeweb said...

I think 'groundhog2008' got his handle from what his diet solely consisted of that year.

Comment deleted said...

I'm tired of these fairy-assed rich boys hitting law-abiding SUVs with their pansy-assed stretchy-clothes bodies. They go and crack their limp wrists and faggy skulls on nice shiny SUVs, and dent 'em all up, just to forward their commie agenda.

GOD I hate bicyclists!

3G said...

CORN FLKS

Comment deleted said...

RCT, a Levi Leipheimer-replica suppository.

JLRB said...

"Aluminum-Foily gaze" - classic gold snob

Funny how alligator man left the selfie part out of his crash story with pick'm up guy "I came around that bend (what bend?) doing probably 20 mph (woo hoo and bullshit)"

Comment deleted said...

The "Bicycle Blues" kind of ruled, for all of ten seconds.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

CD, Nice! shiny domed end goes in first right?

Anonymous said...

Deep in the Friday !!

vsk

BamaPhred said...

Waiting on the Craigslist missed connections, KeithMaddox looking for Groundhog2008, or maybe they are the same.

Loved the gator video.

Really, if you can't ride on the caged PEDESTRIAN PATHWAY and not worry about getting run over, where can you ride? Barsoom?

Anyway, everybody get out and celebrate the Summer Solstice tomorrow the best you can.

leroy said...

The Ongoing Indignity Of Commuting.

This morning, while riding across town on a one way street with no bike lane, a driver parked along the curb began backing up against traffic. As I passed slowly by between him and a taxi, he called out "Wrong side, buddy."

So of course I replied "Sorry, first time on a bike."

The woman on the bike behind me laughed.

But she might have been reacting to the girly bib short straps peeking through my Tour de Bronx T-Shirt.

My dog may be a bad influence on me. I mean fashion-wise. I'm not sure the cargo shorts he recommended complimented my outfit.

Ride safe all!

(And keep on the sunny side.)

babble on said...

I'm sorry, but those styrofoam lids are anything BUT cheap. Not even at the bulk rate discounts I receive!

Didn't look to me like he was going 20 round that corner...

Anonymous said...

I hope that guy gets his cornflakes sorted out.

mike said...

Tbh,that biker could,ve avoided the Crazy arse car on the bridge.But where,s the fun and kudos in that?Stupid self-righteous cyclocunts,re alienating our fellow humans.And they ARE humans,once you,ve prised them out of their overpriced clitorii...

Mr Plow said...

I had a pair of zips back in the 80s. They made me run as fast as the six million dollar man.

Anonymous said...

thanks for painting such an attractive picture of the good ole U.S.A. there wildcat. Yes Keith Maddox and Gator guy represent your average United states of American.

CommieCanuck said...

The 404 Firefyre is the $3800 option for those who need special wheels for high humidity, but not rain.

All models make great coffee tables when they bust.

Cuss, cuss, rarre, cuss, cuss said...

Anon 1:32 good one.

CommieCanuck said...

They made me run as fast as the six million dollar man.

Did they spin up easily?

I never figured out why they used slow motion to make the illusion of speed on that show. Or that strange sound to infer super strength.

nnnaannnannnnaaaahhh

CommieCanuck said...

True story: Zipp uses computer algorithms to calculate the optimal dimple size and shape for minimal drag, along with Finite Element Scranalysis. It's just a total coincidence the indents spell "ZIPP".

Flyover BC said...

Nonplussed 'gator video, cool.

Mr Plow said...

Commie: my zipps were of the sneaker variety. I think they may have been cheap knockoffs of kangaroos.

And also that cool sound when he used his super hearing. Although that may have been the bionic woman.

ken e. said...

that is the best video ever! always wondered what happened to roscoe p. coltrane...

dcee604 said...

Why dat gator all up on his cornflakes!?

trama said...

"True story: Zipp uses computer algorithms to calculate the optimal dimple size and shape for minimal drag, along with Finite Element Scranalysis. It's just a total coincidence the indents spell "ZIPP"."

I knew I could count on you Commie!

JLRB said...

Grab that Purty Lil Alleygator by the tail and throw it in a DEEEETCH

1904 Cadardi said...

I think an acceptable answer to #4 is "Sharking".

Now darn you gator, get outa my corn flakes!

Anonymous said...

Anyayou homos call me Francis, I'll kill you.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...why you always up in my cornflakes, man.

dancesonpedals said...

what would happen if the bridge guy & alligator guy (who's pretty cool) changed places through a wrinkle in the space time continuum? alligator guy on the pedestrian bridged gets belted by a car while taking a selfie? bridge guy tries to squeeze past the gator & falls....neither is as funny as the uninflected reality at hand, proving the existence of god (and that god probably has a clitoris)

JLRB said...

Turns out the little queer in girls undies bikecyclist that maliciously hit the SUV was a girl in girls undies

Total pass the buck between State and local police and VDOT bureaucracy

Commentidiots actually think she hit the SUV on purpose to create a bike safety advocacy video

Here is the sign that excuses the SUV by warning of VDOT vehicles

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...you don't need a $6,300 wheelset for your rain bike. you just need some pussy on your chainwax

1904 Cadardi said...

Babble,

Just got caught up with yesterday's comments. Several people have said they read my l'Eroica jersey as "Erotica" (yes I bought a jersey, you think I'm flying all the way to Italy and not buying the jersey?)

If that makes you happy, then I'm glad to be of service.


Robot asks veloyedh. Well, not yet, but I'm hoping to velo a little after work.

Anonymous said...

Pushing & Headbutting in Races bugs the shit out of Tilford.

Dave said...

Good news, fellow cyclististas - we can now justify purchasing a dedicated nail bike, with the solid rubber tires. Options include heavy steel shield plates in the undercarriage in case the terrorists escalate to IEDs.

http://denver.cbslocal.com/2014/06/19/nail-ridden-boards-found-on-2-western-slope-mountain-biking-trails/

Anonymous said...

god dammit that video gave me some nasty ptsd from my various encounters with 'merican drivers. fuck this place, right? where can a pansy-man wear his little shorts in peace?

Anonymous said...

Ahhh.. Timothy Treadwell not only lives but is now bugging 'gators...

Bryan said...

The thing with the signs saying VDOT vehicles use that path is that the SUV was NOT a VDOT vehicle. Didn't have state tags, didn't have VDOT markings...it was a privately owned vehicle of a contractor either running late to work or who couldn't get out of work fast enough.

Kelley Howell said...

Wow. You'd think I'd get some sanity at Bikesnob.

No. Well, I'm the broad in the crash video.

Dude was driving at me at around 25 mph, I was going 10.
that would be because I had been about to do hill drills on my second run. I'm 50 and, in shape, but a terrible climber.

I was also expecting him to stop. Vehicles are allowed there, but they must drive very slowly and are required to stop for intended users: peds and bicyclists.

As for skills, well, I got out alive because I do have them. My thumb hit the door handle. Shoulder hit the mirror which gave way on impact being one of them thar fancy

I wrote about it here: http://altdaily.com/features/news/121-opinion36/6911-first-person-a-vdot-contractor-hit-me-my-bike-on-a-pedestrian-bridge

Anonymous said...

Oh if only a mama gator was waiting in the bushes to get that pointlessly documenting cycling cyclist.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Kelly, Bikesnob addressed the bridge incident very sanely on yesterday's post. I thought so anyways:

" Here's a crazy idea: if you work on a bike path, maybe try riding a fucking bike to work!"

leroy said...

Dear Ms. Howell --

I hope you are okay.

I don't think you're crazy.

But then, I ride a bike. Crazy, right?

gE said...

He said he missed him, but his handlebar jarred up suddenly like he hit something. Don't see anything else on that road.

Fucking Costco shoppers today were gittin' all up in my cornflakes and I wantered to run em in the deeeetch. Costco really needs ditches. Yeah, that's right, I didn't go to work today.

Well, gotta go install my new chain. What is this, a blog post or a horoscope? Definitely emasculating.



Comment deleted said...

If I gave the impression that I was getting up in your corn flakes, I apologize. I understand now that the reason it took you a little long to react is that you thought the SUV was going to stop.

From the viewpoint of the camera, the SUV looms large and dangerous. I don't know how I would have reacted if I were in your cleats, but I don't think I'd trust an SUV to do the right thing; I'd probably assume the opposite, knowing stereotypical SUV behavior.

And, of course, that's exactly what the idiot did. It's in no way your fault, clearly.

Above all, I hope you're ok, Kelly, and continue to enjoy cycling.

Roille Figners said...

Seems like the crucial part of the Dickhead narrative is that we're powerless, weak, faggots and such -- basically in every way the last person you would expect to shoot you 15 times with a Glock and set your car on fire.

dancesonpedals said...

kelley-

I thought alligator guys pratfall & his amusement at the situation were funny...I saw no humor in your getting squeezed on the bikepath. (groundhog 2008 is a troglodyte)

We'll set asdide all speculation as to god's hoohoo.

babble on said...

OMG now I get it.

Fun fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they form in the womb, the anus forms before any other opening. That means that at one point, we were - each of us -nothing but an asshole.

I shit you not.

ce said...

Even if the contractor was allowed access along the bridge path via means of personal motor vehicular carriage (I'm a law-talk'n-guy), it is clear in the video that the SUV is travelling way too fast in that context. I agree with Bryan (Bryan's me mate), it looks like either the driver was late for work, or it was beer o'clock.

JLRB said...

Babs - Whole new meaning to arrested development! But, uh, what the fuck are you reading to come up with that factoid?!?

JLRB said...

Kelly Kelly Kelly - Never come to the Snob comments seeking sanity.

Glad you came out OK. I read (and posted) the news station article - your fellow Norfolkers are something that sounds like Norfolkers. Actually, most of the comments were fairly sane - the anti-bike comments mostly appeared to be trolls.

Peace out - time to put me little girlie underwears on and get yelled at by some azzhats on my way home!

babble on said...

Lol! Right?! Facebook. What else?

leroy said...

BTW, Mikeweb at 12:22 for comment of the day.

1904 Cadardi said...

Roille,

Just not a gun guy. Doesn't seem right to me. So instead can I just toss a lit highway flare through the window?

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

Actually, now that I read Kelley's comment I'm starting to wonder if there isn't more to the story. There is something very fishy about her claim that she expected "...some sanity at Bikesnob". Such an outrageous statement throws into doubt the veracity of her whole story. Perhaps she did take the fall on camera to further a car hating agenda.

One thing is for sure, the gator video is staged. The rider has obviously come across the monster moments earlier, seen an opportunity for internet fame and circled back to begin filming the "GATOR CRASH!!". Probably ran some hokey "Swamp People" lines through his head on the ride back to choose the one that contrasted best with "selfie". What possible motive to grasp such a pathetic opportunity for just 3 minutes 40 seconds of celebrity? Well, Gator Grinder Guy is actually the brother-in-law of Keith "Mad Dog" Maddox, and let's just say, there is some rivalry between them.

McFly said...

Better than your cornhole ia always say.

gE said...

Kelley, for the most part, I think you're misinterpreting the dripping sarcasm that oozes through the bowels of this comment section. I didn't really see anything taking the driver's side. The only question people seem to have on initial viewing, myself included, is why you didn't brake earlier. Unlike you, we're not expecting to see oncoming cars on the ped/bikeway. Yes, I get that now.

ce: You're onto something. Totally makes sense why he turns around and heads in the other direction at end of the video. I wondered that.

DB said...

Leroy:
I almost went with Mikeweb for COD, but I think I have to go with Serial RGrouch at 2:57.
You have seniority on me, so you can override.

Anonymous said...

Watching the cyclist run into the car makes me ashamed to be a cyclist.

Bogusboy said...

Would I be deflating anyone's self-righteous huff if I pointed out that groundhog2008's post just might be what the literary types refer to as irony? Granted, I don't possess the sophistication of a big shot New York blogger, but I gotta say that this just doesn't quite pass the sniff test....

Beth said...

I just assumed that Kelley's camera was mounted on her handlebars, and therefore that what the camera was seeing was not necessarily what she was seeing. It's not a big deal to turn one's head to the side for a few seconds when on a bike/ped facility, not traveling at high speed.

I thought she saw the car forthe first time about when she said "AAAAAAAA!"

Really unfortunate that some people are assuming, or taking advantage of the assumption, that she saw what the camera did, when it did. I mean, they can't ALL be ironic...

dancesonpedals said...

I think we should all hold hands for a rousing rendition of the Norfolk High School Cheer:

We don't drink or smoke: Nor-foke!!!

Anonymous said...

Clever girl....

ce said...

gE, I propose we dub this scandal... "Gatorgate".

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Peter G said...

Narcissist takin a selfie trips over an alligator....can't bunny hop a gator when you're taking piccies. Going to see if he made it to another favorite site..Darwin Awards.

A Very Minor Poet said...

Kelly, we love you, we really do. In your girlie shorts you're da'bomb.

But if you're looking for sanity here, you got it wrong, wrong, wrong.

BamaPhred said...

Kelley we feel your pain and wish you the very best in civil court recovering injury, anguish, and damages.
I read your article. It was lovely and well written. That's the problem, you're not dealing with rational people when behind the wheel of a vehicle. It turns the meekness of soccer moms into raging Hulks.
Here are some pointers I have learned from Lob's High Priest that could improve your communication skills.
Replace VDOT with Fucktard, either singular or plural as required; VDOT contractor with raging fucktard, and VDOT driver as idiot fucktard. Make repeated use of "My aching scranus" when referring to lame excuses by others, and lots of this
Best Wishes
Rubber legged Iron Butt

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"So instead can I just toss a lit highway flare through the window?"

Thanks for the idea Cadardi!

I'm off to kickstart my line of artisanal Top grain finest leather road flare scabbards. Traditional pannier style double saddle bag design for maximum capacity. 10 flares per side because you know here in America one is never enough!

Or...

To maximize your situational awareness count on the "Quick-Draw" 4-tube handlebar mount with integrated top cap striker plate for true one-handed deployment.

Just not getting the cowboy vibe from all that luxurious hand tooled cow hide? A vegan perhaps? Well don't worry I got you covered with scabbards of either style made from durable Cordura Nylon in classic utilitarian black or camo, of course. Kevlar reinforced inserts add even more strength to hold up in real world mean streets!

Act now! Show your support! Help me help you make it easier to get your 1400 degrees Fahrenheit point across, repeatedly if necessary.

Spokey said...

Howell said the officer told her police could not investigate because they had not been on scene right after the collision took place.

so let me think about this. The local gendarme happen upon a body riddled with bullets but going a bit green and ripe. They'll just roll the body in to the river and say

move along. Nothing here to see

because too much time has elapsed?

gimme a break. Freakin donut heads.





even robot rolled on the floor 330 times laughing at that one


Spokey said...

Also, he says most cyclists are rich homosexuals who don't work as though that's a bad thing

I'm fine with that just as long as we rich heterosexuals don't have to work either.

been 1437 days since I put in anything resembling an honest day's work.



robot claims to put in 757 days of work each year. That's a load of crap of course

JLRB said...

Why? Because your Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly ...

Where's my gift?

JLRB said...

Not to be confused with Kelly Kelly

McFly said...

Was selfie dude rubbin-rockin Gatorskins? That would be pretty ironic.

Anonymous said...

Spam

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Recumbent Solstice Ride with gravel.

Roille Figners said...

...or Kelly

wishiwasmerckx said...

I can't wait all friggin weekend on you guys...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...so just like sex with my wife, I'll have to take matters into my own hand...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th comment!

hassan mouse said...

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Spokey said...

congrats wiwm

there now. Happy?


stop your freakin' complainin'

Roille did a fine lead out.




robot once did a lead out for 185 spam bots and got no credit

Anonymous said...

http://quincyjournal.com/above-the-fold/2014/06/19/48th-street-info-meeting-held-at-holiday-inn/#IDComment845869495

Really Hetero said...

News to me

2 Drunk guys said...

Will the real KELLY KELLY please stand up? No....on second thought....stay on your knees....

JLRB said...

morepinkini

BamaPhred said...

I know, cycling related, but how many sets of those $3,600 wheels do they expect to sell? Probably a lot more than I give them credit for.

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