(The motto of shut-ins everywhere.)
The movie "They Live" turned out to be uncannily prescient, except our oppressors don't even need to bother with the subliminal messaging. They just put their propaganda right out in the open--and we pay them to wear it on our bodies. (Yeah, I said "we." How could I resist? It was 20% off!)
Secondly, here's yet another Kickstarter for yet another bicycle lock:
Unlike most Kickstarter bicycle locks this one is at least analog and mechanical. I'm not sure I buy the claim that this is the "most cut-proof and easily transportable bicycle lock ever made," but I am willing to believe it's the world's first integrated bike lock and top tube pad:
So what makes it so hard to cut? Well, basically it's a small chain buried in hair:
Seems to me you could just douse the thing in gasoline and light it on fire, but I'm neither a bike thief nor a pyromaniac, so I have no way of proving that. However, if you are a pyromaniac, I would happily watch a video in which you literally subject the Hench lock to trial by fire.*
*[BSNYC Industries, LLC and its subsidiaries shall not be held liable for injuries resulting from bike lock immolation, and if you took the above literally then you're an idiot.]
Thirdly, I am pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then in the afterlife you'll sit eternally at the right claw of Lob, and if you're wrong you'll go to perdition where you'll simmer eternally in hot butter--and in the meantime you'll see a Fred Foul.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and laugh in the face of failure.**
--Wildcat Rock Machine
**[BSNYC Industries, LLC and its subsidiaries shall not be held liable for your inane inability to adequately process and assess risks.]
1) "WRLD SMT" stands for:
--All of the above
2) Which is not a component of "Rule #26?"
--"When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera."
--"Valve stems at 6 o’clock"
--"No bidons in the cages"
--"When teabagging your top tube, make sure bicycle model name is not obscured by your scrotum."
("Where's your helment, Einstein?")
3) Dutch scientists report that they have achieved perfectly accurate teleportation of quantum information over short distances, and that they expect to unveil a road bicycle shifting group based on this principle in time for Interbike 2016.
("Building a Hench, are we?")
4) Destructive testing of the Hench lock resulted in:
--Immediate destruction of the Hench lock.
--Four broken cutting disks and one disabled angle grinder.
--Seven broken flamethrowers and two severed fingers.
--Complete annihilation of a medium-sized English town.
(Fun Fact: Three out of five Americans don't know what the "D" stands for.)***
5) The automatic mountain bike transmission. It had to happen.
***[BSNYC Industries, LLC defines a "Fun Fact" as a suspicion that has not been verified.]
(Bike thief, or just ashamed to be riding a single speed with a pie plate?)
6) Evidently it is possible to catch a bike thief.
("So are these guys finished yet or what?")
7) The Giro d'Italia is over.
***Special Our Hero-Themed Bonus Video***