Friday, May 30, 2014

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Firstly, here is a t-shirt I spotted in a sporting goods store emblazoned with succinct instructions on how to be a loser:

(The motto of shut-ins everywhere.)

The movie "They Live" turned out to be uncannily prescient, except our oppressors don't even need to bother with the subliminal messaging.  They just put their propaganda right out in the open--and we pay them to wear it on our bodies.  (Yeah, I said "we."  How could I resist?  It was 20% off!)

Secondly, here's yet another Kickstarter for yet another bicycle lock:

Unlike most Kickstarter bicycle locks this one is at least analog and mechanical.  I'm not sure I buy the claim that this is the "most cut-proof and easily transportable bicycle lock ever made," but I am willing to believe it's the world's first integrated bike lock and top tube pad:

So what makes it so hard to cut?  Well, basically it's a small chain buried in hair:

Seems to me you could just douse the thing in gasoline and light it on fire, but I'm neither a bike thief nor a pyromaniac, so I have no way of proving that.  However, if you are a pyromaniac, I would happily watch a video in which you literally subject the Hench lock to trial by fire.*

*[BSNYC Industries, LLC and its subsidiaries shall not be held liable for injuries resulting from bike lock immolation, and if you took the above literally then you're an idiot.]

Thirdly, I am pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then in the afterlife you'll sit eternally at the right claw of Lob, and if you're wrong you'll go to perdition where you'll simmer eternally in hot butter--and in the meantime you'll see a Fred Foul.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and laugh in the face of failure.**

--Wildcat Rock Machine

**[BSNYC Industries, LLC and its subsidiaries shall not be held liable for your inane inability to adequately process and assess risks.]

1) "WRLD SMT" stands for:

--World Smit
--Whirled Smut
--Warlord Smite
--All of the above

2) Which is not a component of "Rule #26?"

--"When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera."
--"Valve stems at 6 o’clock"
--"No bidons in the cages"
--"When teabagging your top tube, make sure bicycle model name is not obscured by your scrotum."

("Where's your helment, Einstein?")

3) Dutch scientists report that they have achieved perfectly accurate teleportation of quantum information over short distances, and that they expect to unveil a road bicycle shifting group based on this principle in time for Interbike 2016.


("Building a Hench, are we?")

4) Destructive testing of the Hench lock resulted in:

--Immediate destruction of the Hench lock.
--Four broken cutting disks and one disabled angle grinder.
--Seven broken flamethrowers and two severed fingers.
--Complete annihilation of a medium-sized English town.

(Fun Fact: Three out of five Americans don't know what the "D" stands for.)***

5) The automatic mountain bike transmission.  It had to happen.


***[BSNYC Industries, LLC defines a "Fun Fact" as a suspicion that has not been verified.]

(Bike thief, or just ashamed to be riding a single speed with a pie plate?)

6) Evidently it is possible to catch a bike thief.


("So are these guys finished yet or what?")

7) The Giro d'Italia is over.


***Special Our Hero-Themed Bonus Video***


CommentorBot9000 said...


Also, here is a photo the Snob can make fun of:

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Love thy scranus!

Anonymous said...


Unknown said...

Podium for das scrotium

ken e. said...

what, sleepytown!

Jon Webb said...

It looks to me like at the end of the video, the chain is exposed and bolt cutters would finish the job right away. Why make a big deal of how much cloth gets wrapped around a whirling cutting disk? Just cut through the cloth somehow and then you're done, pretty much.

Flyover BC said...

Top ten

JLRB said...

Top tween?

Olle Nilsson said...

"Where's your helment, Einstein?"

Gold, Snobby, Gold!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

je suis dix!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Scranus hench

dancesonpedals said...

lucky 13

Anonymous said...

Fuck it, I took the train.


how Gowser

JLRB said...

Gotta love the polite brits after the Porsche incident - "right Love - have a nice weekend"

AND, this quote from the Giro article:
"Colombian fans who had already stood chanting his name while he provided his sample. Some applauded, more shouted their support, and others even leaned forward to hug him."

Talk about performance anxiety! Imagine a crowd cheering and people leaning in to hug you as you try to piss in a bottle ...

grog said...

Perfect score.

JLRB said...

That dude with all the cameras could be me if weird shit keeps happening on my traverse. I dusted off the helmet cam last night (sounds naughty but its not), and plan to put it back into use next week.

McFly said...

With Drill and Cutting disk lol!

I am not bike thief, but if you put a 4 1/2" x .045 cut-off wheel in a cordless angle grinder you could slice that baby like butter.

It's all about the RPM's.

Comment deleted said...

Asses Danger? Damn, I thought I could finally relax after the Vaginae Scare of '13.

le Correcteur said...

Top twenty; slow morning.

Anonymous said...

being quite a "large" man (wink!), I often find it difficult to buy shorts with enough chamois for hold my "package" (wink, wink).

any help gratefully accepted.

leroy said...

My dog woke me up early, asking to borrow my road bike.

How could I say no? He threatened to sing that John Lennon song about "Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can."

And besides, all I had planned before work was a trip on my commuter to the Acme Smoked Fish factory because they sell retail on Fridays.

By definition, any ride after that is portaging by bait bike.

Ride safe all!

balls™ said...

First the NY Times, now TreeHugger.

Don't let the fame change you WCRM!

Krakow said...

That shirt would be perfect for me. Once, when I was younger, I tried to be afraid (everyone was doing it), but I just couldn't be afraid, no matter how hard I tried (in truth, not that hard). So I'm a failure at fear. No fear!

Anonymous said...

Snob. Could you work the phrase "Jesus wept" into a future post?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:42pm,

What about "Jesus swept?"

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

How long is a New York minute?
Just wondering.

BikeSnobNYC said...


2.5 Cleveland seconds.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

wishiwasmerckx said...

Jesus swept the podium.

No, I mean literally. After anonymous's third place finish today, Jesus Hernandez, BSNYC's intern/handyman/nanny, swept the podium.

Anonymous said...

Erschde hunnert !!!

babble on said...

Every town needs a traffic droid.

Aw. Supercute photo of you, snobberdood. Gotta love that furry face. Summer is coming, though, and while the bush is back, you KNOW we've reached peak beard. Hair is migrating across the sexes and down to the deep south, dontcha know.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Went to see my good friend's spawn get an academic achievement award at the tony private school last evening.

If your name wasn't Pham or Tran or Yu or Lee or Yee, you were pretty much shut out. Hey, it's not racist if it's true...

Sunny Lee had a classmate named James Song, and we determined that they should marry so she would become Sunny Song. I guess time will tell.

babble on said...

Um, isn't that lock exactly as strong as the itty bitty padlock he uses to secure it?

Ha! The journal of transportation in South Carolina just determined that cyclists are by far the happiest commuters. McDuh.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Babble, there is only one part of the human body that looks better bald, and it's not even on a man...

babble on said...

Oh, I've been well aware of that fact for decades, but the trends are what they are...

Comment deleted said...

I, for one, welcome our new bush-sporting overlordesses.

Anonymous said...

couldn't you just cut the padlock with bolt cutters?

CommentorBot9000 said...

"couldn't you just cut the padlock with bolt cutters?"

Best comment of the day.

CommieCanuck said...

Finally, automatic bike gearing so we too can drive through the front window of a Dunkin Donuts.

A New York minute is 1.6 CDN metric minutes.

Anonymous said...

Peaches out; bearded clams in.

Olle Nilsson said...

Anon 1:22, you could see if you have an eye wash station nearby, if you're at work. Mind you, it didn't work for me. (wink, wink). Hope that helps. (wink)

JLRB said...

from the same flicker group as furry snob

JLRB said...

and one more because the girl in blue has nice tierras

Fear Failure sufferer said...

Was somehow able to get out of bed and face the world today.

McFly said...

Babble I just sent my precious 5th Element Air Shock to your beloved BC, Canadia. It's 1.5 inches dia x 6.5 inches long with a smooth body so feel free to graze it against the vaginal shoreline of your pink canoe if by chance you cum across it. I will never wash it again if so. JUST DON'T BE TOO HARD ON IT AND F--K IT UP.

Captcha=kiconf cavendish WTF?

Olle Nilsson said...

What's with all the folding & unfolding of that hairy lock? You could fold and unfold a Brompton faster than it would take to lock your bike.

Also, How many DFUs were applied to the bolt cutters? My estimate would be about 0.68DFU.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JLRB said...

do NYC laws allow this type of relation between a man and his wheel?

babble on said...

ge - right? Good luck figuring the fucking thing out after a couple of bevies.

LOL!! OMG. On Q they just said that researchers at the Max Plank Institute determined that men who watch a lot of porn have less grey matter than men who don't. But they need to do more porn research to figure out whether the porn causes it, or whether men with less grey matter just watch more porn.

It certainly explains a lot about me, doesn't it? A child of the sixties seventies raised in the early seventies on a university campus...? Ha. I saw a lot of sex in my early days, specially for a Catholic girl.

I wonder if they need any women for their study.

JLRB said...

You've got to read the fine print on teh tee shirt:

Fear Failure

JLRB said...

hmmm - was supposed to say Fear Crabon Frame Failure

Anonymous said...

I crashed into a Mercedes, put a knee-sized dent in it. That shit sucked and so did paying the bill.

Anonymous said...

I like to teabag my top tube - thank you for noticing

Freddy Murcks said...

Well, it must be great if Lennard Zinn likes it.

thou Moescil

Anonymous said...

I feel like maybe there's something wrong with my sense of ambition in that I've been just complacently toodling along with my same Kryptonite U-lock for like 15 years. Using it. Getting used to it. Figuring out a place to carry it. Carrying it. Not really suffering particularly. Finding the bike still there every time. Treating the whole thing like just another already-solved problem. WHAT A LOOSER! Why am I not stirred by the stirrings of discontent that stir in the stirring hearts of men?

JUST KIDDING, muh-fuggaz are born into a world already-made, and right out the gate they want to rewrite the program when some of them should probably just wait a minute until they figure out why things are the way they are. It takes a while... sheeit, even me - I have a famous pitcher as my fake identity but until last night I didn't even know why a pitcher covers the ball with the glove right up until the throw. (So the batter can't guess from your grip what pitch is coming.) For shame rwaeee feenyay, for shame.

Point is, a lot of the solvable problems are already solved, and many of the new "solutions" are just new problems in disguise. You could get through life barely lifting a finger. Matter of fact, in a way, the less you do, the better. But people somewhat nobly and understandably want to make shit too, have ideas, solve problems. Why the fetish on "new" though? You could just as well take an existing idea or solution and bring it someplace like Africa where they don't have it yet, and help a lot of people! To me that is worth more than helping other already-doing-fine Americans with some dubious micro-improvement. So why not. Too hard? Might endanger your precious, precious life? Blissfully unaware anything else, anyplace else exists?

Welp, I guess I know what I need to do next - Peace Corps or something. Sorry to blather on so lengthily on such topics. Scranus?

the Jimboner said...

adding the ice cube to the JD in 10 minus 9..8..7..6..5..4..3...seconds

Spokey said...

Jimmy McMillan said The video is too damn long

I almost set myself on fire for entertainment

Dooth said...

I have a hunch the hench is vulnerable to a razor blade and shaving cream.

Olle Nilsson said...

Roille, it's called getting old, or as we oldentards like to say - knowing better.

Before crowdfunding, all these ideas were filtered before they saw the light of day. Now, we's the filter.

Anonymous said...

We are filters - sort of like mulusks

Anonymous said...

Signal Signal Signal!?! It's nobody's damm business where I'm going.

wishiwasmerckx said...

RF, where is the profit motive in designing products to improve the quality of life in sub-Saharan Africa?

How are you going to afford that shiny mansion on the top of the hill, that shiny trophy wife and that shiny Range Rover by improving the lot of near-penniless savages?

Don't lecture me about altruism, sonny-boy. Its greed what made this ol' country great, not altruism. Build a better bike lock and the world will beat a path to your door.

Anonymous said...

Too many great comments today.
No clear winner.

the commentariat said...

As a sister to the Pistadex, I propose a new index tracking the status of depilation of Babble's mons venosa.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


KNOT RITE said...

If my wrong answers don't link to the wrong answer (a Fred Foul), then how am I to know if I'm wrong?

See Quiz Item 4

twatwaffle said...

sdnfhfnloasenhjfej cvnfh klenfl;qwenhfcl;iqwehjfncqweilfhclqwenvf l;iqwenhjcflasn lgfqwejftrj;d.fmasldfn qwleveljaw;ejfcr;wejocgfnqwel;gfmcW;EFJKCQ;GM/BE/GJVNGJVWEML;RGMWEJRO23Y5U;QWEFJ;&&&&&&&*****************************************************************************************************************************SCRANUS**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ARE TEHRE NO CHARACTER LIMITS HERE?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Anonymous said...

There certainly isn't a limit to the characters!

Google Robot Car Overlord said...

Good luck with that, Anon 4:37.

Twist Hostlex - Even robots can pass your puny test. Moohaha!

Spokey said...


it's after memorial day.

Snobbie's quiz editors are off for the summer. I think 1rst grade starts up again Sep 3. Expect quizzling to be restored to normal inanity then.

RITE said...

If my wrong answers don't link to the wrong answer (a Fred Foul), then how am I to know if I'm wrong?

How would you know to ask?

Anon 4:44 [yesterday] said...

Keen observers will have noticed Snobby today published a photograph in his blog of an automobile's derailler shift lever designed for right-hand-drive vehicles.

This is clearly a sub-conscious expression of contempt for the coast-to-coast favela his America has become and a yearning for the idyllic lands which drive on the left-hand-side of the road, all of which are land-of-milk-and-honey type paradises:

Anonymous said...

Beer: The Taste of Leisure (tm)

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the Hench would still be effective if a man was to use the boltcutters...

Warlord Smite said...

I shall lop off your head with my battle axe knave!

Olle Nilsson said...

Babs, funny you should mention that news story. Just picked up the Burnaby News Leader and on the front page is a story about a sex shop owner who I briefly thought looked like you - I know, you'll look and it doesn't really.

ken e. said...

office boy, signing off. ride safe y'all!

babble on said...

Ha! :D And I was watching Sherlock the other night, where there was an interesting dominatrix who seemed to be doing rather well for herself. I thought to myself "Now there's an interesting career path...!"

Holy Roller said...

Jesus would never have swept, He would have swiffered.

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford got jacked up on painkillers and tried to ride his trainer 3 days after breaking his hip/pelvis.

Turns out it was a bad idea. What a pussy.

Cipo said...

I prefer my Babble unshaved because I need a face muff for those high mountain climbs..

Olle Nilsson said...

Apparently Canada's the new Florida. Cyclist shot while riding in long-distance race near Spences Bridge.

Anonymous said...

I know, cycling news. I wonder how many fredgasms happened over the news release of the XTR DI2 gruppo. Now back to scranus and recumbabe.

slenten said...

The Hench is wrapped in Kevlar fiber. Kevlar is extremely strong and doesn't burn. If the kid gets a good, integrated lock design and the whole thing is pry-resistant then he's got something that's better than most locks on the market.

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