(The motto of shut-ins everywhere.)
The movie "They Live" turned out to be uncannily prescient, except our oppressors don't even need to bother with the subliminal messaging. They just put their propaganda right out in the open--and we pay them to wear it on our bodies. (Yeah, I said "we." How could I resist? It was 20% off!)
Secondly, here's yet another Kickstarter for yet another bicycle lock:
Unlike most Kickstarter bicycle locks this one is at least analog and mechanical. I'm not sure I buy the claim that this is the "most cut-proof and easily transportable bicycle lock ever made," but I am willing to believe it's the world's first integrated bike lock and top tube pad:
So what makes it so hard to cut? Well, basically it's a small chain buried in hair:
Seems to me you could just douse the thing in gasoline and light it on fire, but I'm neither a bike thief nor a pyromaniac, so I have no way of proving that. However, if you are a pyromaniac, I would happily watch a video in which you literally subject the Hench lock to trial by fire.*
*[BSNYC Industries, LLC and its subsidiaries shall not be held liable for injuries resulting from bike lock immolation, and if you took the above literally then you're an idiot.]
Thirdly, I am pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then in the afterlife you'll sit eternally at the right claw of Lob, and if you're wrong you'll go to perdition where you'll simmer eternally in hot butter--and in the meantime you'll see a Fred Foul.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and laugh in the face of failure.**
--Wildcat Rock Machine
**[BSNYC Industries, LLC and its subsidiaries shall not be held liable for your inane inability to adequately process and assess risks.]
1) "WRLD SMT" stands for:
--World Smit
--Whirled Smut
--Warlord Smite
--All of the above
2) Which is not a component of "Rule #26?"
--"When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera."
--"Valve stems at 6 o’clock"
--"No bidons in the cages"
--"When teabagging your top tube, make sure bicycle model name is not obscured by your scrotum."
("Where's your helment, Einstein?")
3) Dutch scientists report that they have achieved perfectly accurate teleportation of quantum information over short distances, and that they expect to unveil a road bicycle shifting group based on this principle in time for Interbike 2016.
--True
--False
("Building a Hench, are we?")
4) Destructive testing of the Hench lock resulted in:
--Immediate destruction of the Hench lock.
--Four broken cutting disks and one disabled angle grinder.
--Seven broken flamethrowers and two severed fingers.
--Complete annihilation of a medium-sized English town.
(Fun Fact: Three out of five Americans don't know what the "D" stands for.)***
5) The automatic mountain bike transmission. It had to happen.
--True
--False
***[BSNYC Industries, LLC defines a "Fun Fact" as a suspicion that has not been verified.]
(Bike thief, or just ashamed to be riding a single speed with a pie plate?)
6) Evidently it is possible to catch a bike thief.
--True
--False
("So are these guys finished yet or what?")
7) The Giro d'Italia is over.
--True
--False
***Special Our Hero-Themed Bonus Video***
89 comments:
First?
Also, here is a photo the Snob can make fun of:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/bitchcakes/7000632656/in/photostream/
Second
Love thy scranus!
PODIUM???
Podium for das scrotium
what, sleepytown!
It looks to me like at the end of the video, the chain is exposed and bolt cutters would finish the job right away. Why make a big deal of how much cloth gets wrapped around a whirling cutting disk? Just cut through the cloth somehow and then you're done, pretty much.
Top ten
Top tween?
"Where's your helment, Einstein?"
Gold, Snobby, Gold!
je suis dix!
Scranus hench
lucky 13
Fuck it, I took the train.
vsk
how Gowser
Gotta love the polite brits after the Porsche incident - "right Love - have a nice weekend"
AND, this quote from the Giro article:
"Colombian fans who had already stood chanting his name while he provided his sample. Some applauded, more shouted their support, and others even leaned forward to hug him."
Talk about performance anxiety! Imagine a crowd cheering and people leaning in to hug you as you try to piss in a bottle ...
Perfect score.
LUVD ROID
That dude with all the cameras could be me if weird shit keeps happening on my traverse. I dusted off the helmet cam last night (sounds naughty but its not), and plan to put it back into use next week.
With Drill and Cutting disk lol!
I am not bike thief, but if you put a 4 1/2" x .045 cut-off wheel in a cordless angle grinder you could slice that baby like butter.
It's all about the RPM's.
Asses Danger? Damn, I thought I could finally relax after the Vaginae Scare of '13.
Top twenty; slow morning.
being quite a "large" man (wink!), I often find it difficult to buy shorts with enough chamois for hold my "package" (wink, wink).
any help gratefully accepted.
My dog woke me up early, asking to borrow my road bike.
How could I say no? He threatened to sing that John Lennon song about "Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can."
And besides, all I had planned before work was a trip on my commuter to the Acme Smoked Fish factory because they sell retail on Fridays.
By definition, any ride after that is portaging by bait bike.
Ride safe all!
First the NY Times, now TreeHugger.
Don't let the fame change you WCRM!
That shirt would be perfect for me. Once, when I was younger, I tried to be afraid (everyone was doing it), but I just couldn't be afraid, no matter how hard I tried (in truth, not that hard). So I'm a failure at fear. No fear!
Snob. Could you work the phrase "Jesus wept" into a future post?
Thanks.
Anonymous 1:42pm,
What about "Jesus swept?"
--Wildcat Rock Machine
How long is a New York minute?
Just wondering.
DB,
2.5 Cleveland seconds.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
Jesus swept the podium.
No, I mean literally. After anonymous's third place finish today, Jesus Hernandez, BSNYC's intern/handyman/nanny, swept the podium.
Erschde hunnert !!!
Every town needs a traffic droid.
Aw. Supercute photo of you, snobberdood. Gotta love that furry face. Summer is coming, though, and while the bush is back, you KNOW we've reached peak beard. Hair is migrating across the sexes and down to the deep south, dontcha know.
Went to see my good friend's spawn get an academic achievement award at the tony private school last evening.
If your name wasn't Pham or Tran or Yu or Lee or Yee, you were pretty much shut out. Hey, it's not racist if it's true...
Sunny Lee had a classmate named James Song, and we determined that they should marry so she would become Sunny Song. I guess time will tell.
Um, isn't that lock exactly as strong as the itty bitty padlock he uses to secure it?
Ha! The journal of transportation in South Carolina just determined that cyclists are by far the happiest commuters. McDuh.
Babble, there is only one part of the human body that looks better bald, and it's not even on a man...
Oh, I've been well aware of that fact for decades, but the trends are what they are...
I, for one, welcome our new bush-sporting overlordesses.
couldn't you just cut the padlock with bolt cutters?
"couldn't you just cut the padlock with bolt cutters?"
Best comment of the day.
Finally, automatic bike gearing so we too can drive through the front window of a Dunkin Donuts.
A New York minute is 1.6 CDN metric minutes.
Peaches out; bearded clams in.
Anon 1:22, you could see if you have an eye wash station nearby, if you're at work. Mind you, it didn't work for me. (wink, wink). Hope that helps. (wink)
from the same flicker group as furry snob
and one more because the girl in blue has nice tierras
Was somehow able to get out of bed and face the world today.
Babble I just sent my precious 5th Element Air Shock to your beloved BC, Canadia. It's 1.5 inches dia x 6.5 inches long with a smooth body so feel free to graze it against the vaginal shoreline of your pink canoe if by chance you cum across it. I will never wash it again if so. JUST DON'T BE TOO HARD ON IT AND F--K IT UP.
Captcha=kiconf cavendish WTF?
What's with all the folding & unfolding of that hairy lock? You could fold and unfold a Brompton faster than it would take to lock your bike.
Also, How many DFUs were applied to the bolt cutters? My estimate would be about 0.68DFU.
do NYC laws allow this type of relation between a man and his wheel?
ge - right? Good luck figuring the fucking thing out after a couple of bevies.
LOL!! OMG. On Q they just said that researchers at the Max Plank Institute determined that men who watch a lot of porn have less grey matter than men who don't. But they need to do more porn research to figure out whether the porn causes it, or whether men with less grey matter just watch more porn.
It certainly explains a lot about me, doesn't it? A child of the sixties seventies raised in the early seventies on a university campus...? Ha. I saw a lot of sex in my early days, specially for a Catholic girl.
I wonder if they need any women for their study.
You've got to read the fine print on teh tee shirt:
Fear Failure
hmmm - was supposed to say Fear Crabon Frame Failure
I crashed into a Mercedes, put a knee-sized dent in it. That shit sucked and so did paying the bill.
I like to teabag my top tube - thank you for noticing
Well, it must be great if Lennard Zinn likes it.
thou Moescil
I feel like maybe there's something wrong with my sense of ambition in that I've been just complacently toodling along with my same Kryptonite U-lock for like 15 years. Using it. Getting used to it. Figuring out a place to carry it. Carrying it. Not really suffering particularly. Finding the bike still there every time. Treating the whole thing like just another already-solved problem. WHAT A LOOSER! Why am I not stirred by the stirrings of discontent that stir in the stirring hearts of men?
JUST KIDDING, muh-fuggaz are born into a world already-made, and right out the gate they want to rewrite the program when some of them should probably just wait a minute until they figure out why things are the way they are. It takes a while... sheeit, even me - I have a famous pitcher as my fake identity but until last night I didn't even know why a pitcher covers the ball with the glove right up until the throw. (So the batter can't guess from your grip what pitch is coming.) For shame rwaeee feenyay, for shame.
Point is, a lot of the solvable problems are already solved, and many of the new "solutions" are just new problems in disguise. You could get through life barely lifting a finger. Matter of fact, in a way, the less you do, the better. But people somewhat nobly and understandably want to make shit too, have ideas, solve problems. Why the fetish on "new" though? You could just as well take an existing idea or solution and bring it someplace like Africa where they don't have it yet, and help a lot of people! To me that is worth more than helping other already-doing-fine Americans with some dubious micro-improvement. So why not. Too hard? Might endanger your precious, precious life? Blissfully unaware anything else, anyplace else exists?
Welp, I guess I know what I need to do next - Peace Corps or something. Sorry to blather on so lengthily on such topics. Scranus?
adding the ice cube to the JD in 10 minus 9..8..7..6..5..4..3...seconds
Jimmy McMillan said The video is too damn long
I almost set myself on fire for entertainment
I have a hunch the hench is vulnerable to a razor blade and shaving cream.
Roille, it's called getting old, or as we oldentards like to say - knowing better.
Before crowdfunding, all these ideas were filtered before they saw the light of day. Now, we's the filter.
We are filters - sort of like mulusks
Signal Signal Signal!?! It's nobody's damm business where I'm going.
RF, where is the profit motive in designing products to improve the quality of life in sub-Saharan Africa?
How are you going to afford that shiny mansion on the top of the hill, that shiny trophy wife and that shiny Range Rover by improving the lot of near-penniless savages?
Don't lecture me about altruism, sonny-boy. Its greed what made this ol' country great, not altruism. Build a better bike lock and the world will beat a path to your door.
Too many great comments today.
No clear winner.
As a sister to the Pistadex, I propose a new index tracking the status of depilation of Babble's mons venosa.
the MONSDAQ
NASTWAT
If my wrong answers don't link to the wrong answer (a Fred Foul), then how am I to know if I'm wrong?
See Quiz Item 4
sdnfhfnloasenhjfej cvnfh klenfl;qwenhfcl;iqwehjfncqweilfhclqwenvf l;iqwenhjcflasn lgfqwejftrj;d.fmasldfn qwleveljaw;ejfcr;wejocgfnqwel;gfmcW;EFJKCQ;GM/BE/GJVNGJVWEML;RGMWEJRO23Y5U;QWEFJ;&&&&&&&*****************************************************************************************************************************SCRANUS**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ARE TEHRE NO CHARACTER LIMITS HERE?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
There certainly isn't a limit to the characters!
Good luck with that, Anon 4:37.
Twist Hostlex - Even robots can pass your puny test. Moohaha!
KNOT RITE
it's after memorial day.
Snobbie's quiz editors are off for the summer. I think 1rst grade starts up again Sep 3. Expect quizzling to be restored to normal inanity then.
If my wrong answers don't link to the wrong answer (a Fred Foul), then how am I to know if I'm wrong?
How would you know to ask?
Keen observers will have noticed Snobby today published a photograph in his blog of an automobile's derailler shift lever designed for right-hand-drive vehicles.
This is clearly a sub-conscious expression of contempt for the coast-to-coast favela his America has become and a yearning for the idyllic lands which drive on the left-hand-side of the road, all of which are land-of-milk-and-honey type paradises:
https://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100213144810AAwKl8M
Beer: The Taste of Leisure (tm)
I wonder if the Hench would still be effective if a man was to use the boltcutters...
I shall lop off your head with my battle axe knave!
Babs, funny you should mention that news story. Just picked up the Burnaby News Leader and on the front page is a story about a sex shop owner who I briefly thought looked like you - I know, you'll look and it doesn't really.
office boy, signing off. ride safe y'all!
Ha! :D And I was watching Sherlock the other night, where there was an interesting dominatrix who seemed to be doing rather well for herself. I thought to myself "Now there's an interesting career path...!"
Jesus would never have swept, He would have swiffered.
Steve Tilford got jacked up on painkillers and tried to ride his trainer 3 days after breaking his hip/pelvis.
Turns out it was a bad idea. What a pussy.
I prefer my Babble unshaved because I need a face muff for those high mountain climbs..
Apparently Canada's the new Florida. Cyclist shot while riding in long-distance race near Spences Bridge.
I know, cycling news. I wonder how many fredgasms happened over the news release of the XTR DI2 gruppo. Now back to scranus and recumbabe.
The Hench is wrapped in Kevlar fiber. Kevlar is extremely strong and doesn't burn. If the kid gets a good, integrated lock design and the whole thing is pry-resistant then he's got something that's better than most locks on the market.
Nice blog really...
affordable used car dealers in houston
good Post :)
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