Monday was a holiday, which makes today Wednesday.

Do you ever wake up brimming with optimism, determined to take life by the balls and wrestle it into submission, only to discover that life is a woman, she doesn't have any balls, and then she beats the living shit out of you until bedtime?

Happens to me every day, metaphorically speaking.

Sadly, the simple fact is it's just easier to take life sitting down.  You know, let her "peg" you, if you will.  (A commenter on yesterday's post recommended looking up the word "pegging," and you know what?  I totally did.  Just keep in mind the aforementioned link, while academic in nature, is not safe for work, unless of course you work at Peg's Pegging Pagoda.)  And what better way to get "pegged" than for your bicycle saddle to fall off while riding?  Well, that's what happened to one Scattante owner (well, his saddle fell off, anyway), and he's going to tell you all about it at great length:



Say what you will, but I'd take this guy's bike tech advice over James Huang's any day of the week, including "Sunderday," which is a day of the week I just made up. Plus, the guy's improvisational skills are sharp as a shard of broken Scattante crabon, and the way he rolls with it when that seat rail clamp falls off is the hallmark of a true showman.

Speaking of getting the sharp end of the seatpost, do you live in Boston?  Do you ride a bike in winter?  If so, it may surprise you to learn that you're living in the wrong city:

Frankly, I am tired of our dedicated team wasting valuable time addressing the less than .05% of all cyclists who choose to bike after a snow/ice event… We should not spend time debating cyclists with poor judgement [sic] and unrealistic expectations, and stick with [the staffer]‘s recommendation that they find other transportation. If someone is completely depending on a bike for year-round transportation, they are living in the wrong city.

So what's the right city?  Portland?  No.  Throw a little snow their way and we all know what happens:

When reached for comments, the organizers explained, "Uh, we meant like 'Worst Day of the Year' like in quotes, not like actually 'The Worst Day of the Year' like not in quotes."

D'uh.

How about New York City then?  Well, not if you like your greenways cleared:

(Looks like the greenway is covered in brie.)

Though in fairness, in trying to ride on a bike path in winter, I did display both "poor judgment" and "unrealistic expectations."

No, the "right" city for cycling in winter is probably Copenhagen, since clearly they know how to do it:

Though it's probably not the right city for cycling in winter if you're a vegan, in which case that outfit is probably sending you into paroxysms of weeping and smugness:

Oh, and if you're wondering, of course they make fur mittens for men:

("My mittens were electrocuted anally.")

Pros: Both warm and stylish.

Cons: May be difficult to operate integrated shift levers, may become soaked with urine if you don't remove them before relieving yourself.

And don't forget the matching helment cover!

It can get pretty hot under there though, so for ventilation just open the mouth.

Disgusting.

In other news of morally questionable behavior, many pro cyclists once found guilty of doping continue to ride, and a VeloNews article examines whether or not they continue to benefit from the drugs they took, even if they have indeed stopped (yeah, right, gigglechortle):

Basically, the short version is that testosterone may keep working for you even after you stop:

Bruusgaard studied this effect by administering a single dose of testosterone to mice. He found that the testosterone dramatically increased the effects of training on myonuclei numbers. In fact, testosterone alone had a bigger impact than training. After three months of detraining, the muscles shrunk, but the nuclei stuck around.

Bruusgaard pointed out that three months in the life of a mouse is equal to about 10 years in a human. “There is a good chance the increase in the nuclei is forever. There have been a lot of studies on the age of nuclei in humans and they seem to be as old as the humans carrying them,” he said.

Whereas you probably get slower after you stop taking EPO:

“What I have anecdotally noticed is that while people are taking erythropoietin — while I was taking erythropoietin — there is certainly an increased training load possibility,” Vaughters said. “But I have also noticed that when you cease taking the drug, there is a sort of backlash — since your bone marrow receptors have been over-occupied with erythropoietin, your body basically shuts down red blood cell production for a while and the bone marrow isn’t as receptive to natural erythropoietin.”

Vaughters said he has seen riders drop well below their pre-EPO baseline abilities, and claims the effect last years in some cases.

In other words, that's why Fabian Cancellara still wins races, but Alberto Contador now sucks.

And before you try to tell me Fabian Cancellara never took drugs, the guy basically just admitted it:

Anybody who follows pro cycling knows attempting the hour record is tantamount to an admission of guilt.  Merckx?  Moser?  Rominger?  Boardman?  Please.  The hour record is basically just a PED consumption victory lap. Check out the "palmarès" on the current record holder, Ondřej Sosenka:

Doping

He was excluded from the 2001 Peace Race after failing a hematocrit test prior to the event.

In June 2008, he tested positive for the banned stimulant methamphetamine and its metabolites during his national time trial championships, and received a suspension which ended his career.

Nicely done.

Anyway, I can't believe Jens "Catchphrase" Voigt isn't making a crack at it.

("Shut up, legs!")

Voigt has to tell his legs to shut up, otherwise they'd tell tales of drug consumption that would make Keith Richards's autobiography look like a Bon Appétit article about quinoa.

Lastly, here's a Craigslist "Missed Connection" that epitomizes perfectly the roadie belief that somehow the rest of your life will fall into place while you're wasting your time doing intervals:

Running in Central Park at 5:30 am, in the stupid cold. - m4w - 32 (Midtown West)
age : 32 body : athletic height : 5'11" (180cm) status : single

To all the girls that run or ride in Central Park before sunrise, when it's snowing, nasty cold, raining...

There are plenty of excuses to stay inside and sleep in a couple more hours when it's cold, the middle of winter with snow falling. No one will know if you skip your run, not that they would care. But you are out running, because you're just a little bit insane, doing it for whatever good reason. People think you are naturally fit, having no idea that you work like an animal. You're out early because you have to be at work soon, like everyone else, but still make time for what you want to do. 

You're my kind of girl.

I'm the guy on my bike, almost every morning, no matter what the weather. I look ridiculous, covered head-to-toe, like a silly ninja or something, riding my intervals. My toes are painfully frozen, but it doesn't matter. Like you, I'm a little nuts, but just embrace it and keep moving. 

Off my bike, I have a real job and appreciate good style. I work like hell and love being out on Friday night as much as anyone else. 

Up for it?

If you're looking for him, he'll be doing intervals.