Friday, December 13, 2013

BSNYC Friday No Quiz So Deal With It!

There's a pleasing symmetry in a week that begins with a social media shitstorm and ends with a pat apology from the guy who got caught in it:

I Screwed up, and I own it.

Hear that everybody?  Mike Sinyard owns "I screwed up," so you're not allowed to say that or else Specialized will sue.  Also officially off the table are "My bad," "That one's on me," and "Oi, what a right cockup I done caused, guv'nor, shiver me timbers and God shave the Queen," all of which are now model names for new Specialized products currently in development, such as the S-Works Oi, What a Right Cockup I Done Caused, Guv'nor, Shiver Me Timbers and God Shave the Queen semi-non-portable air compressor and tubeless tire seater:


Yes, it's semi-non-portable because, while it does have wheels, it's also the size of a Golden Retriever and weighs about 150lbs, so you'll have to tow it in the dedicated S-Works My Bad air compressor trailer.

Other than that, it's perfect for those quick trailside repairs.

Anyway, then Sinyard continues:

I would like to apologize and let everyone know I realize I handled this situation wrong from the start and I’m very sorry for that. As many of you have probably already seen by now, I went up to Café Roubaix to meet with Dan in person to apologize and make good with him. Café Roubaix will continue on with its name. The video is up on Café Roubaix's Facebook page. Dan is the real deal, after meeting him I realize this and am embarrassed by how ridiculous this is. What happened was wrong. There are no excuses but I do feel like I owe it to you all to explain how we found ourselves in this situation, the lessons we've learned from it and, most importantly, how it will change the way we do things moving forward.

I'm glad to hear they're going to change the way they do things only after being ridiculed to death for it, but I think they also need to put Mike Sinyard in the wind tunnel and work on streamlining his apologizing technique.  I mean, come on, look at the puss on this guy!


And it just goes from bad to worse:


That's not even the start of the apology proper, and once Sinyard finally gets into it you can tell from his gesticulations that he's fantasizing about throttling the guy:


In fact, the only time he cracks a smile is when he's talking about how aggressive his lawyers are:


("Off they go!," says Sinyard gleefully with a glint in his eye.)

Oh yeah, he's relishing the thought:


(A deer, mere moments after announcing he's just taken an "Epic®" dump.)

Then, finally, they clasp hands meaningfully like they just brokered peace in the Middle East, even though all they did was make about two and a half minutes of nice after the world's most Fredly Internet bike retail slapfight:


And then Sinyard's like "Get me the fuck outta here:"


At which point his henchfreds summon the S-Works 1:


Those cracks are nothing to worry about, they're just in the clearcoat, a kid in the shop checked them out.

Of course, awkwardly for Sinyard, just as all this was winding down another company by the name of "Epix" announced it was also getting the red "S" treatment:


Sadly, Specialized is doing the same to Epix now. I received a letter today from their lawyers- Our logo is in their eyes too similar to their "Epic" MTB frames logo. The text is DIFFERENT. The logo stylization is DIFFERENT. We are not competing for the same clients (apparel vs frames). They are over-reaching, as they did with the Roubaix bike shop. They withdrew that case thanks to social media pressure, and we would be very grateful if everyone could support us in our efforts to fight this!

And they had their work cut out for them too, since while Café Roubaix was a cool road bike shop run by a Canadian war vet, Epix sells stuff that looks like this:


So naturally all the cool bike people who were tweeting their brains out over the Roubaix fiasco were all like, "We're tired now," and barely mustered up the energy for a retweet on behalf of the poor tridorks at Epix.

Nevertheless, it looks like Specialized at least "retracted the cease and desist letter" to Epix, but at this point it's getting difficult to keep track.

(Of course, I'm totally in favor of sending a "cease and desist" letter to anybody wearing that outfit, but that's a separate issue.)

But to be fair to Specialized, ostensibly their main concern is fighting counterfeiting, and they claim explosive fake Specializeds are failing and de-facing unsuspecting bargain-hungry Freds with alarming regularity:


In fact, they're under "sustained attack:"


“We’re under sustained attack right now.”

Love, whose full time job is to hunt forgeries, shut down US$20,000 of counterfeit business in 2007 but saw that figure escalate to a massive US$5.2m in 2012. “We’re already halfway there this year,” he said, adding that quality of the counterfeits was “all over the place” but the best was improving all the time, making it harder for consumers to spot fakes.

Hey, I'm not crazy about the way Specialized do business, but I'd take the job of "International Fred Of Mystery" in a second.  I bet you get to do all sorts of neat cloak-and-dagger stuff, and maybe you even get to shoot enemy agents with a gun disguised as a mini-ump.

But yeah, if only there were some way to crack down hard on people who sell counterfeit products yet not bother the people who sell stuff that could only be mistaken for yours if you're looking at it from the bottom of a swimming pool.

Maybe one day they'll figure it out.

Meanwhile, in other news, you can now buy the world's most lopsided chainrings:


Scoff if you will, but here's a video from the manufacturer's website proving conclusively that they are in fact not round:



They're also endorsed by Bernard Hinault, who last won the Tour de France over a quarter century ago on a bicycle with normal chainrings, and who will tackle the fuck out of you if you dare set foot on his podium:



Lastly, here's something creepy:


Counterfeit that.  I dare you.

109 comments:

Anonymous said...

Podium!

gee business! said...

Gee business!

Anonymous said...

Scrambled eggs !!

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Maybe P

mikeweb said...

Perused it and still top 5?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

what a mediocre week...

for me... not you, wildcat.

Anonymous said...

Top 10! thechainskip.blogspot.com

Yarpo said...

Clit Rodeo Redux!

JB said...

Cip-Cip-Cipo!!

Flyover BC said...

a moments inattention and the podium is lost.

Of well, Back to work.

mikeweb said...

Hey! even better news on that Bike Radar page:

They're baaa-ack...

theEel said...

weed.

the Jimboner said...

bike-ump?
I guess you meant to say
BIKE RUMP

Herschel Raney said...

Hey Cippolini, I got your reliable and rigid right here.

Once again, that Specialized dude is scary.

Nice photoshopped jet work Snob.

And, as ever, screw that robot test like it slandered my mama.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Specialized Epic Apology

the Jimboner said...

13th on the Friday 13th!!!
gots to get that Mega millions ticket

balls™ said...

I aced the quiz.

I'm gonna take a guess that those Cipollini bikes have REAR ENTRY dropouts.

I'm going to build an addition on my KuKu penthouse so I can be like Mario.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

i... i... umm... i... i... fumbled the race to the podium all week.

i mike sinyarded, if you will.

wait, does mike own the rights to his name?

Flyover BC in SF said...

I'm disappointed with the Cheapo-leanie bike.

Why didn't they engineer a reservoir that keeps the chain always well lubed, probably with olive oil, or whatever passes for bryllcreme in Italy.

trama said...

dang Cipo looks pretty good still, while I have pulled a "LeMond".


Furtco 78

Anonymous said...

no quiz - fine with me
i was dreading fridays anyway
not big fan of the quiz
wle

Comment deleted said...

"Mini ump?" You calling me a "mini ump"? Alright, Snob, that's it -- YER OUTTA HERE!

Anonymous said...

There was a news story just this week about a fire in a Chinese owned Italian apparel factory killing a bunch of workers (Chinese citizens illegally brought in to work). Apparently these companies like to slap on the "Made in Italy" label and the implied idea of quality.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/12/01/us-italy-fire-idUSBRE9B00ED20131201

Vernal Magina said...

i think my favorite sentence is:

"In the deal with Café Roubaix, the wheels were the red flag that got the attention of our outside attorney’s who were already sort of on red alert for anything that pops up."

but i like this Andy Deveney's frankenbike in the comments, lol.

Anonymous said...

Henchfreds....24 carat Snobs....24 carat.

ge Roubaix™ said...

I can't wait for this week to be over. Anxiously awaiting my appointment to get this vestigal Special Ed tradmark surgically removed from my Blogger ID.

istaTa - oh robot.

babble on said...

Happy Friday peeps!

Stellar week, snobbers. I await the delivery of my new pet beaver dans chapeau. Mmm beaver. Thank you for all of the honest to goodness laugh out loud moments. You always make my life a little bit happier. :)

wle - what do you mean not a fan of the quiz?!? It's brill in any incarnation. Speaking of which...

oh Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroy... :D

Well, I'm off. Later!

Anonymous said...

"Those cracks are nothing to worry about, they're just in the clearcoat, a kid in the shop checked them out."

Hilarious!

McFly said...

That Cipo video was mesmurizing. Quick connect couplings have never been so sensual.

Anonymous said...

Robotext has the right idea: PPartyii

Wooooo, PPartyii !!!

ubercurmudgeon said...

You've got to love those Cipolini videos. The guy is so unctuous they don't have to put vaseline on the camera lenses to get that soft focus effect, they just follow in a chase car and it happens naturally.

Anonymous said...

Peace out Babs! Thanks for letting us know!

leroy said...

So my dog has been singing:

"I'm hiding in Mor-Gan-Hill,
I'm a desparate man.
Send lawyers, guns, and money
The shit has hit the fan."

Had to watch the video before I got it.

Ride safe all!

And may the only crack on your frame be your own.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...and why does RB1K have such a british accent if he is made 100% in italy?

robot test says you need not answer: retoryU

Yarpo said...

According to the credits in that loooong 5:52 minute film, Cipo is the entire cast! So that shot of him leaning over the guy with the computer? That was him leaning over himself! The woman with the roundy earrings? That was Cipo with 7 tons of makeup. Frame-painting guy? Cipo again. The riders whose asses he dusted going downhill (can't film him out-climbing them, they might of dropped him like a leaky Hot Carl)? They are Nobodies and therefore deserve no credit. Just LOOK at Cipo's expression as they round the corner from the Piazza Bra onto the Via Dietro Anfiteatro in front of the Roman Arena in Verona. That look says it all...

Don't fuck around on the TdF Podium! How many times do we have to say it? For a second I thought Bernard Hinault was going to pick up little Sammy Dumoulin and hurl him off the stage with uncontrolled Breton fury!

That four-part photo of the fake and/or broken Specialized bikes and gear: the photo in the upper left does NOT appear, at a quick glance, to be a hand wrapped around a crabon tube...no it looks like an anus with a pipe stuffed in way too deep. where do you find such porn?

Yarpo said...

Where, not where. About the porn. Never mind.

Schisthead said...

Flyover: Sunbeam did something similar in the early nineteen hundreds... It would be cool if you could put some sort of antipasta-chain with skewers or little cups on a bike with a widened chain case like that, and have freshly oiled cured meats and cheeses for the whole ride...

specq said...

Lesson from Cipo video at 3:17:

Masturbating the top tube of any Cipollini bicycle, while certainly pleasurable, will void the warranty, as all of the little cyclists you will release will inevitably make the frame less stiff although more compliable.

Dooth said...

Wait a second...crabon frames are layered, then baked?
Laid and baked, I believe, is Cipo's motto.

dnk said...

epic

ge Roubaix™ said...

One word for the Roubaix-gate summit:

Awk-ward!


yeah turderly works too robot

Mikey S said...

Doesn't RB1K seem pretty close to Roubaix?

BCNYS said...

The "mini-ump" situation might be a result of copyright concerns. Snobby's a bit of a wimp and is probably too scared to rile up the owners of the "mini-pump" name.

~ Mad Dog Cock Machine.

Anonymous said...

whats so great about 'italian deign' anymore above really any other country. At least Cippo's bike is designed by italian engineers and not italian economists

Anonymous said...

Can you get pregnant just by looking at a video of Cippolini? I think I am, and I'm a guy.

Ruby™ Fatboy™ (alias™ "Langster™") said...

I crave answers. Would it be okay to call this whole "Roubaix™" kerfuffle... epic™? That's the crux™ of it, anyway. Or, would that get this blog comment section a C&D letter (depending on the status™ of legal department)?

I heard a rumor™ they might jump on a jett™ and just get me with a shiv™ as I walk through a crowd and let me bleed out on the tarmac™.

I can't decide what to do, I'm stumped™.

Anonymous said...

If Specialized is so worried about businesses using similar sounding names as those Specialized "owns," it should get a team to gather up all of these names, and spend a few cents of their shareholders' assets to copyright all of them.

Every variation of Epic (Epix, E-picks, epuck, epicenter) should be theirs. I can't believe that this is a new idea.

-49a butscie

balls™ said...

scranus™

Spokey said...

I don't care if Mario planted his ass on every one of those bikes.

I'm not buying or even riding any bike where I'm likely to hear voices coming up from my pants yabbies saying stuff like "I'm built for speed".

Anonymous said...

CHAIN SLAP!
EPIC FAIL!
G"DAY!

JRLB said...

The guy might be an asshole that looks like a serial killer, but he isn't stupid.

Whenever a frame fails it is a counterfeit.

Blame the Chinese.

If that fails, blame the outside lawyers (not the inside ones - they have been declawed and might be stand-offish, but are otherwise loveable)

Roille Figners said...

Slacked off yesterday so I have many notes:

1) America IS a cage.
2) Are fake dog balls considered safe for work? How about real ones?
3) Spin Doctors stay alive mainly by putting to sleep everyone who hates... zzzzzzzz.
4) (s)CitiBike - The problem with it is the way someone has to, you know, kind of often, gather up all the bieks from stations located in "places every unoriginal mofo wants to go to," put them in a big-assed truck, and redistribute them amongst all the shitty "places people start their trip from but never apparently return to." Thus it's dependent on internal combustion and almost as efficient as just taking a cab.
5) Speaking of Sinyard, remember Skinyard?

Regular guy said...

Damn, that Epix skinned alive suit looked a lot like the graphics on that Specialized Lear jet, they better watch out.

The Epix suit is ridiculous, but would really go over the top to absurdity on anyone with an ounce of body fat.

Vernal Magina said...

About the porn, I will never mind . . .

Anonymous said...

Chipo's not wearing a helmet. Just sayin'.

ChamoisJuice said...

Trying to fondle your schmeckel while riding is likely to cause a goofy tiller effect. In my case, it's always "trying" becuase my schmeckel is nearly microscopic.

MadFORC said...

According to the letter posted online by the Epix people, Specialized's trademark lawyers are from Michael Best and Friedrich, a Wisconsin law firm.

The law firm is pretty well known in Wisconsin politics.

ChamoisJuice said...

By the way, it has been very painful for me to have to admit that my schmeckel is nearly microscopic, but I can't live the lie anymore. I have no dick and I am angry about it.

My mother notwithstanding, I have never so much as touched a woman - in case it's not obvious, the GFs that I have bragged about here are nothing more than figments of my imagination. I am apparently disgusting to them and they can apparently spot me as the misogynistic asshole that I am from a mile away.

Epicalized said...

Pashley is is so much trouble now.

What was creepy? The Facialized advert appearing immediately on the Cipo video?

Now really Robot... aterod113?

I did not eat Rod OR rod... today.

ge Roo Bay™, AU said...

Someone misses CJ. Huh.

Mo said...

Yo Cipo, the fuck the bitches at in that product video? shit looks glamorous as fuck but not glamorous enough to have bitches around? This goddamn folding bike gets two bitches and your aerodynamicalized shit gets NONE?

Mo said...

Yo Cipo, the fuck the bitches at in that product video? shit looks glamorous as fuck but not glamorous enough to have bitches around? This goddamn folding bike gets two bitches and your aerodynamicalized shit gets NONE?

DB said...

Anon at 3:40 for the win today.

Frilly Chick said...

Studious Cipo reminds me of the accounting professor I f*#@ed in college.

ge Roo Bay™, AU said...

@Mo - who knew REI were so racy. I bought the wrong clown bike.

Anonymous said...

Damnit.. Despite all the social diseases and oiled up hair and body, I think have a serious man crush on Mario..

I would go to my priest to confess this but I'm afraid that it would only tittilate the priest and I would be holy fucked.

Snob, What should I do about this?

commentatorbot_093274 said...

In fact, the only time he cracks a smile is when he's talking about how aggressive his lawyers are:

...and dreaming about the C&D's going out while he talks to this loser.


Unless Epix product owner has $100,000 to fight, Sinyard will take $55,000 for past infringement and ONLY $10,000 in license fees every year after. Such a bargain!

Anonymous said...

Hey Snobber....i have extensive experience working with citi bike docking stations via a job I um..have...when the fucking bike won't mount the dock properly u gotta dig ur finger into the magic V and dig out the black piece of plastic that broke off a different citi bikes docking protrusion and is now wedged into the magic docking V.....hope this helps

Anonymous said...

FiberFix Bike VS Barrier!

dooder cuts his bike in half and "fixes it" with tape, 100 times stronger than duct tape. EFFECTIVE ADVERTISING.

If you cannot duct it, fuck it.

Anonymous said...

Hey, where are they... I clicked a link saying "69 comments"

Ironically if someone rectifies the situation then some other poor bugger clicking on "71 comments" will be in for an unexpected mutually stimulating treat :)

Mini-ump said...

Anon @ 7:53.
Well you cn suck my dick, for starters.
Does that help?

Mark Cavendouche said...

WRM,

Perhaps you can subcontract BK Jimmy when you plan to utilize multiple photoshop sessions for your post. Your skills in that arena dont do the humor contained therein justice. No offense meant to the critiqued. Sincerely, The Manks Midget.

Anonymous said...

I'm accepting the reality of Sinyard on a private jet en route to a bike shop and it makes me feel small.

Accounting Professor said...

Ah yes I remember like it was yesterday. Those 36 C's gyrating in the glow of my office lamp while my couch legs squeaked ever so mildly. She was a natural at crunching the numbers and getting more out of a transaction than you thought was possible.

CPA= Creamy Pearl Accents

Khal said...

That Mario Cippolini video is beyond cool.

Brad Smith said...

Mini umps are people too.

Anonymous said...

I just ordered one of those oval chainring things for my sick fixie, Thanks snob!

McFly said...

Rain. Chilly out. No college foosball. Nasty ass head/chest cold.

Guess I will look at the inter webbing naked lady machine all day. Somebody get some shit started.
ChamoisJuice ChamoisJuice ChamoisJuice

(I am hoping it works like BeetleJuice)

DB said...

Didn't Bridgestone make an RB1? I think Cipo's gonna hear from someone.

Cipo, the Genuine Article said...

Cipo Video comments: At one point Cipo uses a pen to write something on a diagram of a frame, I translated it, he wrote "come give me head". Then he strokes the top tube of a finished frame like he's stroking the inside of a thigh. Then he flies by a cycling team like he's Floyd Landis on Jack Daniels. In between he actually slides his ride for a split second like he's a NYC messenger. All good stuff and no fancy kit or helmet for him.

McFly said...

I have been reading Tom Ambrose' The History of Cycling in 50 Bikes and it's got a chapter on the Velib bike share in Paris, France.
And I quote referring to theft, "In response to this threat, some large-scale bike-sharing programs have designed their own distinctive-looking bikes using specialized frame designs and other parts to prevent resale of an obviously stolen machine."

Those cheese eating bastards have no idea of the shiv storm than is about to rain down on them. Mike just fired up the Gulfstream G550.

babble on said...

Ha. So... some MIT geniuses developed something called the Copenhagen wheel for peeps too lazy to pedal.

McFly said...

Can I get a Copenhagen Shaft for my regular shaft that will keep on Rollin when I am just wanting to coast?

That way she can arrive happily at her destination.

DO WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY?

Strafe said...

Y'all want this party started, right?
Y'all want this party started quickly, right?
Set it off, I suggest, y'all.
Set it off, I suggest, y'all.
Set it off. Come on, let's set it off.
On the left--start it!
On the right--start it!

The Disco Fever said...

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k-eP2oWs9UU&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dk-eP2oWs9UU

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Anonymous said...

Cipo 3:17
Demonstrating his coolest boner trick.

Anonymous said...

SRAM Road Hydraulic Brake Recall – STOP USE IMMEDIATELY

babble on said...

Maybe Cipo doesn't need a healment but I do, and I still prefer Ti to crabon cause sometimes I'm hard on things.

I liked the Miki Sakai retro fred bicycle cycle I was riding yesterday cause there was nary a sticker in sight. Speaking of which... can I take the big stickers off my Ti baby without leafing a gluey residue?

babble on said...

Lol!! :D
And who knows? Maybe one day I really will learn to proofread before I click publish! But don't hold your breath.

Anonymous said...

Kinda surprised you didn't run anything on this story, this week. There are photos on the web to match the story. This is fucked up.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/12/09/former-napster-executive-killed-on-bike-by-patrol-car-in-california/

BamaPhred said...

Late to the party, been off-forking.
Tip of the healment to Leroy
For the Hank Jr. Reference

"Well my name is Bocephus I drink whisky by the gallon,
And I never back down and I love a good challenge.
What I do now is what I did then,
I like to get down with all my rowdy friends."

BamaPhred said...

Uum and Warren Zevon too.
Too hasty with the send button

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnt2AbCLkdw

McFly said...

Heat gun or hair dryer makes sticker removal a snap. Then use WD 40 on the residue.

babble on said...

Ah! Thank you. :)

McFly said...

Stripping it bare? Pics or it didn't happen.

babble on said...

Lol! Hasn't happened yet, cause my bike is across town. I left it there to take the retro-fred-bicycle-cycle out over the weekend...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Like taking candy from a baby...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!

McFly said...

There is always a fine frame on the other side of town begging to be stripped down. It's a curse. One that should be broken. Down. Like a shotgun. And both barrels. Loaded.

It's Double Entendre Sunday.

babble on said...

Ooooh! Blessed be. I love it when you can take it both ways.

Bama Phred said...

I hear bike lanes make great parking for your mobile apartment

CommieCanuck said...

eeeeeuuuuuuuuuu...what's Mario smearing on the top tube? Mario musk?

eeeeuuuuuuuuuu.

I like how he wears glasses when looking at the computer, makes him look scientifical.

3G said...

As the credits rolled, I just kept saying "he's pregnant", "She's pregnant", "They're pregnant".

thegock said...

EPIC YUTZ

Anonymous said...

Taking stickers off your bike frame is a super advanced procedure. Figuring out how to do something like that may be close to impossible. There are mechanical processes and proprietary tools involved as well.

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