Friday, December 6, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

As a commenter pointed out in a comment in yesterday's comment section, the Associated Press is on top of the whole cargo bike thing:


For the most part, the article is entirely unremarkable, apart from the fact that variations of the word "schlep" appear twice in it, which has to be some kind of record for the AP.

Also, this:

The American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines recommends not taking infants under a year old on bicycles. It says children should ride in a bicycle-towed child trailer, wear helmets and be strapped in. It warns of risks of serious injury when carrying a young child on a bike.

Right--or, better yet, you should carry your children at 80mph in an inherently unstable SUV prone to flipping over.  The best part about that is you don't have to wait until they're a year old, either.  In fact, that's how you're supposed bring the kid home from the hospital.

Meanwhile, a Chicago suburb is cracking down on the biggest problem facing America today, which is of course children who ride bicycles without wearing helments:



In the quest for safer cycling, the village of Oak Park just outside Chicago has gone punitive. This leafy suburb recently enacted a mandatory helmet law for children under 17. Parents of tykes riding trikes and Huffys could face fines and community service if their children are caught without a styrofoam cap.

Community service?  Are you fucking kidding me?  It's depressing how horrified of bicycles this country has become.  You should see some of these parents' faces if you let your kid ride a bike or one of those little plastic scooters without wearing a helment.  They act like you just passed him a crack pipe.  By the way, most of these kids are going little faster than walking speed, and in any case rarely any faster than they go when they run, and show me a kid who doesn't nose-dive every time he tries to sprint down the sidewalk and I'll find you a kid who's not running fast enough.  I guarantee that in ten years, if you visit a Park Slope playground, every kid in it will be wearing a helment on the monkey bars.  (Not that they have monkey bars anymore; they have terraformed landscapes with flowing water features.)

Hey, a blow to the head every now and then is good for a kid.  It shaves off the excess IQ points.  Otherwise, you wind up with a precocious snot-nosed know-it-all, and nobody wants that.

In other news, a Twitterer who I'm relatively sure is a PR shill wanted me to know about the world's lightest mini pump:



iPump?  Really?  Apple is going to plotz.

Anyway, it weighs only 21 grams, which who cares?


Or, as the inventor says:

"This is critical for racers who dream of being in the Tour de France one day."

Right, because if you follow the Tour de France you know that when a rider gets a flat he immediately stops, changes his own tire, and then inflates it with a mini pump.

By the way, when he says "racers" they show this guy:


The only place that guy's racing is to the computer to take advantage of big "cyber Monday" savings on designer technical hoodies.

If he wants to save weight, maybe he should lose that camouflage purse on his shoulder.

Also, this guy:


He's running that tire at 150 CSI (clich├ęs per square inch).

And with that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you're special, and if you're wrong you suck and you'll see excitement.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and stay positive, because you suck at life.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) I'm HILARIOUS!!!

--True
--True







2) David Byrne ran over a cat in his leased Hyundai and left the carcass on the owner's porch with a note pinned to it that read, "Next time put a leesh [sic] on it."

--False
--False







3) "Moisture management" is a quality of:

--Cycling-specific technical hoodies
--Handlebar tape
--The public water supply
--Feminine hygiene products






4) Jan Ullrich has become synonymous with:

--"Success"
--"Failure"
--"Blood doping"
--"Uncannily accurate Mick Jagger impersonations"






5) "Sir" Bradley Wiggins recently offended people by:

--Calling teammate Chris Froome a "bloody doper"
--Calling Jan Ullrich a "freckle-faced twat"
--Telling an auctioneer at a charity benefit for victims of childhood sexual abuse to "suck me off"
--Walking around with that stupid haircut






6) Lance Armstrong and an unnamed Russian billionaire are in talks to establish a "Lifers League," an alternative competitive cycling league consisting entirely of banned riders who will be paid wholly in Bitcoin.

--True
--False




(Dork.)


7) Fill in the blank:

"Hillbombing is out.  _____________________ is in."

--"Gravel-grinding"
--"Highway salmoning"
--"Ice-cycling"
--"Backwards hillbombing"




***Special Bonus Pennyfarthing Crash Porn Video!!!***


109 comments:

Flyover BC said...

Podium

Chris said...

Ha

DB said...

Second!

Astroluc said...

just missed the podium... top 5!

Logbig said...

STRAVA!!!

Yarpo said...

Gaaaaaah!!!!

Chris said...

You guys need to check your math

RoadQueen said...

Top ten again?!

dancesonpedals said...

top 10

theEel said...

weed!

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Insert amusing non sequitur here!

Flyover BC said...

The altitude training is really paying off.

By the way, is this Cat 7 racing?

g. said...

Seems to me that #5 has two correct answers.

DB said...

Sorry, Chris.
Got a little excited there.
Congrats, Flyover and Chris.

balls™ said...

I want to hear what Wiggo would call that idiot on the p-far.

The internet is for cat pictures and porn.

bandmeeting said...

The inflato dude with the Brooklyn hat looks like Vanilla Ice.

RoadQueen said...

Flyover, Chris and DB - WOOT! Podio kisses! XO

6 out of 7 ain't bad.

THAT'S why P-fars are stupid. Yet entertaining...

Anonymous said...

TP TWNTY™

trama said...

Malayalam backwards is malayalaM
Pinay Kanaam

Marcel Da Chump said...

Bitcoin farthing.

Faliero said...

The way things are going within 5 years I bet you will see the first pet helmet store crop up in Park Slope.

Comment deleted said...

Anybody riding the infernal dandyhorse cares not about the plight of children in Africa.

crosspalms said...

Those bicycle thieves better not show their helmentless faces in Oak Park, no matter how catchy their song is.

Roille Figners said...

Dang, I turn my back for five minutes and get passed by the whole peloton.

babble on said...

OMG I'm so confused. I'm special AND I suck!!

DB said...

The other inflato boy looks like BlocBoi.

Flyover BC said...

On an unrelated note, I hear that
Yona Shimmel's Knish Bakery has the best knishes in Manhattan.

Or did he say it Yona's has the only knishes in Manhattan.

My informant also tells me that a knish was slang for goodies possessed only by wimmen.

Can't wait till lunch. I'm gonna find the best Knish in Santa Fe.

McFly said...

Prrrrrrrrrrretty sure the iPump is just a re-tooled dropper seat post. WHY ISN'T IT CALLED A SADDLE POST?

All this talk of healmeanting makes me think of Mike Myers and Nicole Kidman at the playground.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...BSNYC,

friggin awesome post and quiz...

really awesome week... thanks for the free enter-taintement.

who says you can't ever get something for free didn't read this blog.

nice weekend y'all.... ride safe and don't be backyards on a penny farthing.

Roille Figners said...

OMG that pump looks even tinier and more infuriating than the one I just GAVE AWAY in favor of a bigger, heavier one that ACTUALLY INFLATES TIRES.

Friday Funk Whiz: All the Gap Band's albums contain the name "Gap Band" except their first one from the early 70s. That album was very much "of the times" with lots of bweawdlunt chickum bweant dum bweadle, but was nonetheless not a commercial success. But a lot of people went back and discovered it later, and were able to "curate" 4 or 5 good MP3s from it.

Yarpo said...

Eskil Ronningsbakken has a Scranus Of Steel!!!!!!!!
Backwards Hillbombing on a WET ROAD no less. Plus, he seems like a nice person, if kinda nuts.

Makes Douchebag Self-Mastery Fred from yesterday look like an Uber-Woosie.


Congrats, thunder-sticks pounding on the barriers, and drunken Belgian cycling fans galore for Flyover BC, Chris, and DB.

DB said...

Do Knishes in Santa Fe come with green or red chilis?

Crosspalms: I think Snob needs to be brought up to speed on the folks in Oak Park.

Regular guy said...

Wow, I'm glad my son has always ridden without a helmet but not on a Huffy, we could be slapped with a fine!

Regular guy said...

Maybe the guy wouldn't have crashed the pennyfarthing if he was backward hillbombing.

leroy said...

Ride safe all!

My dog notes that he has appropriately marked flowing water features throughout Park Slope.

He and his friends call them hydrants.

Roille Figners said...

What arrogance is this, to forego not only a healemenette but the Safety Bicycle itself? Plus African children and stuff.

Anonymous said...

Anyone notice that the word "lightes" in the pump thumbnail?

BamaPhred said...

Was off-forking, DNS, again.
It was fabulous to see a quiz, but I sucked at that, also.
The Smurf fetish dressed up cat with the banana being shoved down it's throat was disturbing, however, the tomcats reminded me of the Gypsy Sisters last night.

CommieCanuck said...

Chicago has learned from Toronto. As a parent of small children, in Toronto, you can smoke crack and spend your evenings trying to score heroin while hanging with drug gangs, but that's nothing compared to allowing your kid on a bike without a healment. You will be fined and publicly shamed.
We ripped up our bike lanes for better traffic access to crack dens.

Spokey said...

wazoo. top 500 today.

The iPump micro weighs only 21 grams. This is critical for racers who have a dream of being in the Tour de France one day.

So I guess I (and likely no one on this list) don't need one.


And it has a presta connector which connects directly on to the presta air valve which is used in all high performance bicycles.

I knew it. Take that all you "no performance" mountain and gravely biekers.

CommieCanuck said...

Those iPumps are great, you can get a whooping 32 psi with only 10,000 strokes or so. They are very handy for people who expect mild satisfaction with 10,000 strokes, or so.

INUR EDNO

dnk said...

Did anyone have a look at the Kickstarter page for the iPump widget?

From the first paragraph of their pitch: "Cogito Ero Sum - that latin term that means thinking about something proves you exist. To us, it seemed as if Cyclists needed a pump..."

As anyone who has every listened to the "Bruces" from Monty Python wax philosophic could tell you, it's "cogito ERGO sum" (not "ero").

Spellcheck fail. Not to mention that the logic of the pitch makes no sense anyway. Yet they've raised almost $10K.

RoadQueen said...

Oh by the way - TGIF!!!!!!

Hope every one stays safe this weekend, doing what they do.

Also, have a laugh while you wait for the weekend to start!

McFly said...

After scouring the internet for hours I have finally discovered what became of the Ass Monkeys. Lets throw away the key.

Flyover BC said...

Descartes goes into a restaurant.

The waiter hands him a menu and asks if he wants a drink before ordering his meal.

Descartes says "I think not", and disappears.

Roille Figners said...

cogito ergo sum - I think that means, if we think people need this pump, that proves they do.

Comment deleted said...

Cogito Eros Sometimes (or all the time, if you're McFly).

Comment deleted said...

Thanks RQ; I watched that same episode of "Ow My Balls" after McFly's Myers/Kidman clip.

Bryan said...

" They are very handy for people who expect mild satisfaction with 10,000 strokes"

Some of us take a little longer than others..

I'll give 'em that they raised almost 10k. The newest in hipster bike pumps is coming your way. I'll stick to CO2 to get about 100 psi in a few seconds if I get a flat(also, they never mentioned why it is important to not get your hands dirty when putting on a presta adapter, since chances are you are going to need to take that wheel off and change the tube, anyway).

RoadQueen said...

You're welcome, CD. :)

I lost it when that lady jumped off the swing and hit the ground so hard she knocked her wig clean off her head.

*wipes tear from eye* ahhh....my co-workers all think I'm crazy not. :,)

RoadQueen said...

*proof read*

NOW, not not.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Flyover BC, the Dali Lama walks into a pizzeria. The guy at the counter says,"What can I get you?" The Dali Lama replies, "Can you make me one with everything?"

Dooth said...

Flyover BC, I can vouch for that...when I lived a few blocks from there, that was my lunch spot.
The proprietor was also (still is?) a loan shark.

john peterson said...

It's snowing in Portland

Anonymous said...

Sorry I was late. Had to watch the cat video a couple dozen times.

That ultra-mini pump would be great if you're training for a job pleasuring squirrels.

JLRB said...

First off - excellent cross marketing - would have been better if all answers linked to the Snob-cycling magazine - work on it.

Third, Those kids on the video should have worn little plastic nut-helmets.

Annnd, so how does kickstarter work - you come up with a catchy vid, raise money, and then have no obligation to actually do anything with the cash? Wiki Makes it Sound EZ to use it for ripping off the public

Google-bot numbers are back all = 69

Freddy Murcks said...

The video of the guy riding backwards hillbombing is quite possibly the stupidest most pointless thing I have ever seen. In some important ways, it's even stupider than yesterday's World's Biggest Fred YouTube Video. At least the Fred guy is harmlessly stupid.

I liked the cat videos, however.

Sincerely,
Freddy

224 taileten

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

BABE HEAD
SCHL EPX2
HELM ENTS
MINI PUMP
*150 CSI*
YOUF UNNY
POSI TIVE
RIDE SAFE

Master of the Internet said...

The Associated Press, and the media in general, is comprised of a bunch of clueless, over-educated Johnny-come-latelys.
Dick Lewis is watching.

ge said...

Cogito Ero Sum loosely translates to I gotta be me, that is: a crappy little pump.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Wiggo's wiggo has offended more people than the "correct" answer. On the plus side, no one will notice when he rides sans helment.

crosspalms said...

anon 1:44
That's how they shave weight, by leaving off letters.

ge said...

Oh, and seriously, no one's replied to Babs 12:57? Is it a trap? Is it already too la

Comment deleted said...

My conjectured X-treme sport of Backwards Downhill Ski Racing is one step closer to reality.

Pisstank said...

jizz quiz

Anonymous said...

I'm on board that a helmeted trike riding tyke is pretty ridiculous. But I have been riding with my kid since well before 1yr, happily using a very traditional kiddie bike seat. Most of the time she tolerates the "foam clown hat" just fine... actually the only issue is mucking with her chin too much putting it on. Once we roll, all is cool.

She's close to getting her own little balance bike or similar. Now I pretty much hate my neighbors anyway, few more than those at the playground. But do I send my kid out there without the helmet she's willing to wear, even given how small the actual risk, just to piss these people off?

Jan Ullrich said...

Its true, I am a fucking genius with mayonnaise.

babble on said...

It's called an ipump cause i pump and i pump and i pump and i pump and i pump...
Sadly, it's not very fulfilling, but at least I know what to wear when i pump.

Tyler Hamilton said...

Hey check out my new pecker grips, made with the finest nut wood.

http://www.peckerdesign.at/

JC said...

Hey, some people just have undeveloped skulls you know.

Freddy Murcks said...

Babs - If you are looking for an elongate, roughly cylindrical object on which to practice that rhythmic "i pump" action, I am sure McFly would gladly volunteer.

26 rtsanday

Anonymous said...

That bike thief movie would be better if the girls they robbed threw acid in their faces.

jlrb said...

I never did the kid seat with my son. I pulled him around in a Burley - now repurposed for hauling "stuff" like groceries. (Yes there were these things called trailers before the trendy cargo bikes came along) Some cars actually see the trailer and think there is a human they care about (unlike the adult cyclist they despise).

Anonymous said...

Missed the break watching cats in water

trama said...

Ooops, late off topic entry. You all know I can't get nuff ruck sack (RUCK SACK), but as we ponder and paw through $400 tights and technical fabriques, I give to you the $150 ruck sack:

http://shop.alitedesigns.com/pine-to-the-pacific-rucksack-443.html

struzi

ouabacher said...

Yes, that cat 7 IS racing

Grump said...

Monkey bars......
Back when I was a kid, monkey bars were either placed in 1) concrete 2) asphalt or 3) broken glass....If you didn't lose your teeth on the way down, you'd lose 'em on the concrete.

That ipump.....what a joke. Everybody knows that only wankers use threaded valve stems.
.
.

Mr Nofish said...

I'm not sure what's more shaking to me: that a perfect stranger dreams of minipumps?

or that the thing is 100% efficient, which means he's inches away from finally building the perpetual motion machine.

Spokey said...

Grump said...

"monkey bars were either placed in 1) concrete 2) asphalt or 3) broken glass"

We just had small concrete footings where the 5 or 6 vertically compliant parts rested on the ground. However I can tell you from experience that when you fall off the top doing a header in to the dirt, it's mighty hard. Hard enough to bite a couple holes in your tongue. Even in that sand bar called South Jersey.

I can only conclude that your town suffered from crony capitalism cozying up to town officials to get them to spend more on that extra concrete.

McFly said...

I am in Chattanookie for the weekend and I thought of you when we passed the Towing and Auto-Recovery Museum.

Who don't want some of that action?

WE ARE RIDING A TRAIN TOMORROW! I hope the engineer does not get aenestisized from the no steering like NYC dude did.

Anonymous said...

Introducing a different kind of Wildcat machine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wE3fmFTtP9g

Anonymous said...

Great, TWO broken collarbones.

Dream Job said...

to comment deleted

my Backwards downhill ski racer HERO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71xPokg-yLM

Nobrainer said...

P-far fail. Why o why are we humans such fools. Like what could possibly go wrong hurtling down a hill on a top heavy contraption with no brakes. What could possibly go wrong?

Anonymous said...

New twist on the squirrel in the fork.
Squirrel vs bmx bike 0.o

Anonymous said...

Bench Press Wheelie

Anonymous said...

ihump, now there's something useful.

Harry Reems said...

Babble@1257: "I'm special AND I suck!!" Yes and Yes, everyone should be good at something. The ability to deep throat makes you especially special and it falls under the "sucks" category.

Casey Jones said...

The NYC train operator, if I'm reading this correctly there is basically nothing for him to do but stare out into space unless something goes wrong, and if something goes wrong the warning system alert goes everyplace but where he sits inside of a cab. Sure, makes sense to me.

Anonymous said...

Ride safe all!
American actress, model and singer Scarlett Johansson photo

American actress and model Amber Laura Heard photo album

American actress and singer Vanessa Anne Hudgens photo album

2wheeler said...

Specialized up to it again!

http://blogs.calgaryherald.com/2013/12/07/war-veteran-forced-to-change-bike-shops-name-after-threat-from-u-s-bike-giant-specialized/

Comment deleted said...

@Dream Job: poetry in motion. Thanks for that.

anonymoose said...

@Casey Jones-and they want to make cars that drive themselves...

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Thank you, but that's not special, really. It's easy once you know how.

Nah. I suck cause unleaded me left home a few weeks ago and I don't know where she went. Or why.

2wheeler said...

More from Specialized Roubaix saga, a petition! with 15 signatures!:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/756/136/363/boycott-specialized-for-threatening-to-sue-a-war-vet-for-using-the-word-roubaix/#sign

McFly said...

Unleaded? Long as the unheaded one stay away you are golden. You should stay headed.

BamaPhred said...

Looks like the Cafe Roubaix guy didn't even get a reach around from Specialized.
New logo for his wheels AYHSMB?

Comment deleted said...

Babs, that's the most cryptic thing you've ever written, I think.

McFly said...

The day deep-throating is not "special" is the day I don't want to live in this world anymore.

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th, bitches.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. WIWM --

My dog asked me to post:

"And 101. As in 101 Dalmations. As in freaking awesomesly adorablest movie ever, bitches."

Sometimes, I can't tell when he's serious.

Anonymous said...

“Wearing a proper fitting helmet can reduce the chances of serious head injuries by 85%.” It is hard to argue with statistics like that.

Well actually that statistic has been pretty much debunked as utter nonsense.

And kids wearing bicycle helments on monkey bars is a *very* bad idea. In the land of mandatory helmets the standard has been changed to reduce the chances of strangulation when stoopid parents make their kids wear bicycle helmets on playground equipment.

Torquemada said...

Penny farthing crash guy should have been wearing a pith helment...I say "should"...maybe "could"...

Cruella DeVille said...

Fuck you, Leroy

leroy said...

Dear Ms DeVille --

And Toto too?

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grog said...

OOOO BABE

Shakes said...

Et tu, Toto too?

babble on said...

mmm head :)