I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a video about bike safety.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and also ride safe.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Delia Ephron does not like Citi Bike because:
All right, that's the quiz, you're done. Now let's celebrate the greatest oligarchy the world has ever known--America!!!
How talented was Whitney Houston, right? I tear up every time I hear this.
Anyway, in what was truly a great day for America, I saw on the UrbanVelo where Ray LaHood basically threw down and was all like, "trains and bikes and people and stuff, motherfuckers:"
Unfortunately he's not the Secretary of Transportation anymore, so that's a bummer.
Meanwhile, probably-next-mayor-of-New-York-City Bill de Blasio basically admitted he's going to spend his first term deliberating any further cyclist and pedestrian improvements right into the ground:
Obviously on pedestrian safety, on bicycle safety, on bike lanes, on Citi Bike the point is we ought to keep looking at specifics and in certain specific instances we may find there are tweaks we want to make or improvements we want to make. That’s what a mayor should be doing, is looking to make sure the implementation is going the way its supposed to and making changes where they find problems.
I gotta hand it to him, he took the All-Powerful Bike Lobby™ in this town but good. This guy's so crafty he should open up a three-card monte stand in Times Square, where pretty soon there won't be a pedestrian plaza anymore. Then he can appoint this guy Commissioner of the DOT:
In hacky comedian school, after they teach you how to juxtapose the walking styles of black people and white people, they then show you how to ridicule cyclists. Here's how you craft a really killer cyclist bit:
1) You segue from dating into how you like totally need to lose weight so you're all working out and stuff;
2) In so doing, you encounter these cyclists people (like, I know, right?!?);
3) In describing the cyclists, it's essential to imply they're all homosexuals, which allows you to showcase your moronic hacky gay voice without insulting gay people directly;
4) Close with some great stuff about hitting them with your car on purpose.
Depressingly, I tweeted this, and somebody thought it was funny. Why? Because he "actually knows the laws:"
@bikesnobnyc Pretty harmless. He actually knows the laws, and isn't mean-spirited about it. "It says Gatorade" haha! Laugh Mr. Bike Snob!Oh for fuck's sake. Yeah, I suppose I should laugh, because assholes like this hack have actually tried to hit me with their cars, so it's totally relatable.
— Andres L. (@AndresLD) October 25, 2013
Maybe we'd all get more respect if we rode around in these:
Tired of filling up your tank? Tired of spending hours circling the beach looking for a decent parking space? Well, we are too! The E-fox is the cleanest way to make your daily commute or just a joy ride more efficient and also fun! Ever dreamed of riding your bike to work but hate the thought of showing up hot and sweaty? Not anymore.
How exactly do you circle a beach?
Oh, yeah, this is how:
A reader forwarded me this video, and it is one of those rare videos in which the music and footage being equally awesome.
Here's more footage of the "e-fox" in motion:
Does he really need to wear a helment? I mean, isn't he basically riding around in a great big helment already?
Speaking of great Americans, they don't get much greater than huckster Old Man Budnitz and his line of designer bicycles. Until now, Budnitz basically just sold mountain bikes without the frame clearance you'd need to use them as mountain bikes, but those days are over, because now another reader tells me he actually wants to sell you a mountain bike:
Weighing in at just 18 pounds, the new Budnitz No.2M is the greatest recreational mountain bike ever made.
Yeah, no, sorry, this was the greatest recreational mountain bike ever made:
And I thought this Budnitz character was an artist.
Anyway, it's not just a mountain bike. It's also a "gravel assault vehicle," because gravel is So Hot Right Now:
Fast, simple, and ridiculously fun to ride, this bicycle is a lightening fast dirt and gravel assault vehicle that flies over ruts, roots, and rocks as if it had a shock absorber built into it — without the power loss and extra weight of actually having one.
"Lightening?" "Shock absorber?" Is Budnitz farming out his copywriting to the local middle school? In any case, he sure knows his bike tech. Does the bike also come with "clicky-type peddles," or do I have to buy those myself?
Our engineered titanium cantilever frame provides lateral stiffness for speed and tight handling, while organically absorbing trail shock to such an extent that in its October 2013 review Culture Cycles called the Budnitz Mountain’s handling “magic”.
Ooh, it's "engineered! " That's what makes it so laterally stiff and organically absorbing.
Mid-size 650B (27.5-inch) wheels power over bumps like a 29’er, without sacrificing the nimble cornering of a smaller wheeled 26‘er MTB. Paired with a powerful White Brothers Rock Solid carbon fork, this titanium bicycle is screaming fast off the line, while maintaining a supple ride that will leave you asking for more.
May I have more please, Mr. Budnitz?
Silent carbon belt drive is nearly indestructible, won’t get clogged with dust, and requires no grease. Singlespeed, or 14-speed Rohloff internal transmission. Hydraulic or mechanical disc brakes. Internal cable routing, top-of-the line components, and endless fun on dirt, sand, slick rock, and mud.
Good, I hate when my bicycle chains get clogged with dust.
You know, on second thought, I don't want to talk about America anymore. It's just too depressing. Instead, let's travel to London, where the people area are all polite and genteel and erudite and stuff:
Wow, that was profoundly embarassing. When folding bike fights folding bike, the only loser is dignity.
And finally, let's Celebrate Yorkshire, where they are threatening to unleash "the greatest Grand Départ in the history of the Tour de France:”
“We will raise the bar for all future hosts with our Cultural Festival 100 days before the race, two stunning stages and a legacy that leaves a cycling imprint on the county which lasts for generations..."
So basically, we're supposed to come for the Cultural Festival and then hang around killing time for 100 days, just eating pudding and waiting for the bike race to start.
Yeah, that's a legacy that's going to last for generations all right.
You know, I'm beginning to suspect people from Yorkshire may be prone to exaggeration:
I can totally relate.