Friday, October 18, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fawn Quiz!

Have you been holding out on getting a fat bike until they become available in crabon?  Well, wait no longer:


Scoff if you will, but crabon will allow you to lick your bike clean on your next subzero arctic trek without your tongue sticking to the frame.  Also, it will bring the weight of the complete bike down to 75lbs.

In other news (via Streetsblog), guy-who-will-probably-be-mayor Bill de Blasio was nearly killed by an out-of-control Citi Bike of Death!!!


Or, to put it another way, de Blasio walked right into the bike lane just like every other schmuck in New York and the smiling lady on the Citi Bike didn't hit him at all because bikes aren't especially dangerous.

Wow, Billy Boy sure is lucky to be alive, and one can only hope the maniac cyclist was duly ticketed charged with criminal portage of a Whole Foods shopping bag:



Lastly, a reader has forwarded me this video about how the state of Oregon in Canada has harnessed the incredible economic power of bikes:



I have only comment on this, which is as follows:

"Where the fuck was the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork Bret!?!"



Seriously, it's not a bike-related ad without Bred.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then great, and if you're wrong you'll see the future of bicycle wheels.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and keep driving the economy by buying replacement tubes and coffee.


--Wildcat Rock Machine



1) Which posh New York City hotel is suing for the removal of a Citi Bike rack?

--The Plaza
--The Pierre
--The Waldorf-Astoria
--Howard Johnson's





(Artisanal DIY electronic retro-shifter)

2) According to VeloNews tech guru Lennard Zinn, you should use Campagnolo's $5,000 electronic shifting for cyclocross because:

--It's a distinct advantage on the uphill buttonhook around a tree at the Flatirons Mall on that grassy hillside above the Denver-Boulder Turnpike
--It reduces the "hard effort on the right arm" characteristic of shifting mechanically during a 45-minute race
--It has only failed on him once, when it stopped working completely in the rain
--All of the above







3) Moron.

--True
--True






4) The Fubi is:

--The world's most compact full-size folding bike
--Pretty janky-looking
--Born of Nordic angst and sorrow deep as the Finnish snows
--All of the above






(Until recently, it was believed that fixie riders were driven from their "native" habitat by the new population of Citi Bikers.)

5) Live fixie riders have been spotted in Union Square as recently as October 2013, which flies in the face of the commonly-held belief that the species went extinct sometime in late 2010.

--True
--False






6) This portrait depicts:

--Professional cyclocross racer Ryan Trebon
--IT specialist and amateur daredevil Lucas Brunelle
--Elusive street artist Banksy
--A tortured figure art historians refer to as "Expressionist Fred"






7) Doctor This Guy has invented a new:

--Aerobar
--Aero helment
--Cutout saddle
--Kind of shame


***كل ما عليك كارهي تمتص كرات بلدي***





83 comments:

ge said...

seriously?

Anonymous said...

anonymous ruleth all

Pisstank said...

Floppin my tits all over 1st

One Hole said...

Scrodium

Pisstank said...

Daaaaaaaamn.

grog said...

FUNK WIZZ
MISS BABE
RIDE NICE

Anonymous said...

TOP TEN

Anonymous said...

toop teen!

crosspalms said...

punture proof

Anonymous said...

Pisstank

You can still flop tits all over first from third if they are big enough. I don't mind ducking my head.

Roille Figners said...

Nine-ish

Roille Figners said...

Such as 11

Pisstank said...

Tig bits in teh teens

the Jmboner said...

أ ب ص ح ق م

wishiwasmerckx said...

So yesterday during an argument with my girlfriend, I purloined Andy Schleck's "stomach full of anger" line to nice effect. I don't know if I should be proud of myself or embarrassed.

ubercurmudgeon said...

Wake up man! That wasn't a near-miss. It was a barely-foiled hit on the future mayor of your fine city, doubtless paid for and orchestrated by the All-Powerful Bike Lobby™. Dorothy Rabinowitz knows, but nobody listens.

the Jimboner said...

Last 4 names I have used at the Starbucks in Ipanema.

Harry Balls

Dick Hertz

Tig O'Bitties

Martin Anus

Marcel Da Chump said...

Tongue that carbon.

DerZoots said...

Phoning it in from the Qzoo no really im in a very windy park by the water.

Haz the nice weekend comments section of attention starved cubical recumbentists.

Roille Figners said...

For what follows I must now introduce you all to the concept of the Gooszh Bar. The Gooszh Bar is an imaginary solid steel bar, about 24"/600mm long and maybe 2"/50mm thick, weighing in at about 21 lbs/9.5 kg. It is used for punishing the makers of bad jokes by hitting them with it.

Let's say it's after midnight and you're about to leave. "All right, see you tomorrow."

"You mean TODAY!"

**GOOSZH**



"Hey did you get a haircut?"

"I got ALL of 'em cut!"

**GOOSZH**



Now I'm prepared to tell you my own Gooszh Bar joke. Are you ready?

RE: "the future of bike wheels" video:

Talk about re-inventing the wheel!!!!

**GOOSZH**

Fred Nifacent said...

Auto-Balancing Analog bicycle - we called them training wheels....Some days I think I still need them...

mikeweb said...

Whoa! Nice job ge! The popely power of Francis must've powered you to the win.

wiwm, I would've called an audible and gone with scrotum full of anger.

Anonymous said...

The FUBI foldable system has wheels all over the city, just walk a block or two and "share" yourself a few.


elektronix stay off my bike.

Anonymous said...

Auto-Balancing Electric Bicycle - POC قيادة ذاتيّة للدراجة الكهربائيّة -- مرحلة إثبات الفكرة

A: what are we to think "POC" stands for???

B: I thought Friday was quiz day...?

Surely you left off the T and F by mistake, WRM?

Correct answer is:

FFFFFFFFFFFF


wle

mikeweb said...

The whole bike weight thing just reminded me of a jaw-dropping site at one of the rest stops on this year's most recent 'Escape New York' century ride.

I was just getting ready to mount my Fred chariot (see my avatar photo) and continue on, when I saw a nice steel Colnago parked using the 'pedal on curb' method. However, this particular Colnago had what must have been about a dozen lead weights zip tied to the tubes in the main triangle. I imagined that the rider of this machine must have been either insane or totally bad ass, or quite possibly both. I didn't hang around to find out.

And yes, I know, it didn't happen if no photos.

Anonymous said...

use the translate captions feature on the last youtube video, roll a fattie, hit play.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

100%
I pay too much attention to this blog.

CommentatorBot9000 said...

View Thumbnail Gallery in the bottom right of the first photo...if there is a joke there I'm missing it.

Unknown said...

Andy Frye is being eviscerated over at his blog for writing that piece. That's the most pleasurable read I've had in so long. Sweet sweet poetic justice.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Oregon is province. Get with it.

Anonymous said...

Can somebody explain WTF is up with those wheels? How do they work? I did not have time to read the patents.(:-)

Anonymous said...

what the fuck is oregon thinking, making cyclists feel welcome, so they visit and spend money and help the local economy! That is ridiculous.

JLRB said...

Speaking of the good Canadiaorigoninacians

artisinal bike lane rage

http://www.oregonlive.com/commuting/index.ssf/2013/10/portland_bicycle_commuter_urge.html#incart_most-comments

babble on said...

Those energy return wheels are really going to live up to their name when you have to expend tons of energy returning to your wheels again and again to clean the muck out.

Anonymous said...

FATB IKES, grrrrrrr.

Let me tell you why I like Gravel Race bike a MILLION TIMES more than fat bikes.

Dumb ass Lances make life choices that have them in "productive" careers, where they make lots of money, but have very little free time and girl hands. They choose a life that provides a big house and a nice car, that they are trapped in 2 hours a day, to get to their high stress, low vacation job, that pays for their house in a "nice" neighborhood and their fancy car. The delusional retards spend a good portion of their day, imagining a more exciting, rewarding life: out there exploring the untamed wilds, going on adventures. Obviously, they are so soft and coddled, these are pipe dreams, but they like to pretend, and buy expensive toys that advertise their dreams of adventure.

These fancy bikes will sit in the garage collecting dust for 10 years, no longer be cool, and get sold at garage sales or on CL for pennies on the dollar to people that will actually use them.

THIS IS WHY GRAVEL BIKES ARE COOL. They are reasonable commuters, disguised as Sir Hillary adventure fantasy avatars.

Fat bikes are fucking retarded unless you live in Canada or Alaska, but you are retarded to live in AK or Canada, so that's a circular aurgment. Anyone that lives in Canada rides snowmobiles or cross country skis anywho. Snow bike is as fucktarded as those roller blade ski deals.

Fourthly, JOHN Motherfucking STAMSTAD. Maniac. Proves, more than Lance ever did, it's not about the bike, it's about the maniac with no sense of self preservation on top of the bike.

Dooder was the ultimate retro grouch. Fuck suspension. Fuck gears. Fuck brakes. They all freeze in the iditirod. Gore-tex and capilene? For pussies. Merino wool with a garbage bag on top. Gu and clif shot? Fuck that noise, circus peanuts, old skool peanuts, and peanut butter, marshmallow fluff, and cake frosting straight out of the jar.
Homie ANNIHILATED any and all full factory competitors with gear and susstainance from:
garage sales
walmart
convenience stores.

DB said...

G**gle is way up today. Think I'll buy more cycling caps. Maybe some coffee, too.
I was thinking of my first good bike yesterday, wish I still had it. Sun-Tour components.
Crosspalms: if you bike commuted today, I hope you brought some chili pepper to shake down your pants. It's cold!
Headed outside to see if the snow blower starts up.

SlimJim said...

I'm holding out for the new crop of full-suspension fat bikes, that's definitely gonna be the way to go. I hear gravel simply disappears beneath them.

Stamstad was also known to drink canola oil as well. DAMN

John Stamstad said...

“I am a normal guy who thinks that doing ‘extreme’ things is actually a normal human activity to do. If you look at the last few thousand years, going for an all day trail run is more normal than say, drinking beer and watching football (though I do that too). Deep down I think we all feel the need to explore, and generally when I explore the physical word it leads to an emotional adventure as well.”

Serial Retrogrouch said...

the translation into arabic of AYHSMB is awesome, sir snob... it even rhymes!!!

why didn't i think of it?

3G said...

WTF WAS THAT BONUS

Freddy Murcks said...

Mechanical dick breaks on a $4500 crabon fibre fat bike? Is that the best you can do, Salsa? I am not even going to address the superfluousness of a crabon fibre fat bike.

234 hsfuldd

Roille Figners said...

John Stamstad: A man after my own heart. Starting with the idea that most things are bullshit and extrapolating from there. And secondarily, or maybe primarily, the idea that using a simpler/older technology doesn't put you at a disadvantage but rather forces you to cultivate your own abilities, which is almost always the weak link and leads to superior results. In short: "You suck at life."

Roille Figners said...

Unless your name's John Henry. Man vs. machine, who will win? Not always clear, but I telll yeewwww whuttt: The man vs. the machine OPERATOR? No contest.

ge said...

This feels so surreal. All this bikey talk in the comments section lately and I'm the douche commenting before I've read the post. It feels good. I like it.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Freddy Murcks,

Everybody knows temperatures in the Arctic Circle will freeze hydolic dick breaks unless you're running mercury for brake fluid. Sheesh.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Full Suspension Electric Fatbike 2.1 part 2

Roille Figners said...

Babs: I know huh, like regular ones don't already collect enough filth?

Circling back around to scathe the DeBlasio article: WTF, he was ALMOST hit? Sounds like "nothing happened" i.e. "no news." Apparently the news media are reporting things that "almost" happened now? Muthafucka you betta get some mo' paper, cuz you ain't got enough PAGES to report all the dumb muthafuckaz I ALMOST murda'd just this morning!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

3G,

it's something about an 'air bike' [i.e. bicycle] being unstable... and they've invented a gadget that stabilizes the air bike, but give no explanation as to how it works.

BamaPhred said...

I couldn't wait to get to google translate to post AYHSMB in Arabic, it translated to the letter. WTF that never happens. So I looked at The Snob's caption and decided not to. Nice job.

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob, one of the many advantages hydrolic brakes offer over cable brakes is consistent functionality in cold weather. Below 0c, any moisture that gets in your cable and housing will freeze, rendering your gears or brakes useless. Mineral oil and DOT 4 fluid have considerably lower freezing temperatures. You will be dead from exposure before your Shimano XT brakes stop working.

I am not a retro grouch. I am a functionality over marketing guy. I think suspension, disc brakes, bigger wheel sizes, clutch derailleurs, 1X10 w/ wide narrow wide chainring are very noticable improvements for riding challenging trails, durable, and not outrageously expensive.

Road bike shit is outrageously expensive, and generally offers marginal improvement over the 10 year old, barely used equivalent at a fraction of the cost.
Road bikes are marketed to dentists.
Shimano XT disc brake, $104 shifters are $80.
Why are road discs $560???

crosspalms said...

Shorter John Stamstad: Rock. No paper, no scissors. Rock

DB, I did commute, but needed an extra sweater and gloves to do it. I know the 40s will feel balmy in February, but today they feel cold!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:28pm,

My comment about the freezing and stuff was a joke...

...though I admit I know nothing about the freezing temperatures of various brake fluids, mostly because I'm pretty sure I'll never, ever put myself in a situation where I'll have to worry about it. (Barring extreme global warming/cooling, of course, so actually maybe I should start doing my homework.)

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Lick it, crabonhole

Dooth said...

Wildcat, that should be: IMPRESSIONIST FRED, leading CUBIST FRED, followed by SURREALIST FRED, drafted by CONCEPTUAL FRED, who's pulling for ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONIST FRED, and POP ART FRED trying hard not to get dropped.

crosspalms said...

DB,
I hear Google's working on the self-riding bicycle.

DB said...

Ha!
Wouldn't surprise me.

CommentatorBot9000 said...

Anonymous at 3:28 PM:

“Below 0c, any moisture that gets in your cable and housing will freeze, rendering your gears or brakes useless. Mineral oil and DOT 4 fluid have considerably lower freezing temperatures.”

1. How about you lubricate the cables with mineral oil before sliding them in their housings? That is what has been done successfully for >100 years with cables in cars, farm equipment, and other machines that actually have to operate at temperatures below 0 Fahrenheit, let alone 0 Celsius.

2. Below 0 Celsius one should be skiing or running or hiking or ice fishing; in sort getting a life and not trying to ride a bike.

AYHSMB said...

كل ما عليك كارهي تمتص كرات بلدي

Anonymous said...

I have no comment except to note that your Photoshop skilz are really awesome.

McFly said...

Lick it asshole?

Test Tickle said...

Had to comment to give props to those giving props Stamstad. Back when I was a "man" and really into the 24-hour suffering for peanuts type of events, he was the person who had set the bar on all things endurance.

RESP ECT!

Buffalo Bill said...

I don't get it.

leroy said...

Ride safe all!

Avoid mayors.

Anonymous said...

You know what?

Eat your poop for breakfast.

McFly said...

BRED FRED

McFly said...

Lick it asshole doppelgängers are the sincerest form of flattery.

Anonymous said...

Actually, mercury would be a poor choice for a brake fluid in the Artic Circle. Mercury becomes a solid at around -38F and average winter temperatures in the Artic Circle can be as low as -40F (with the lowest recorded temperature being -90F)

Jan! said...

1) Honest question: wasn't the cyclist supposed to yield to de Blasio? He looks like he was about to cross the street at a designated crossing. In Belgium, that means they get the right of way. Aren't other road users supposed to give way to pedestrians intending to cross in the US/NYC?

2) Wasn't the cyclist salmoning? From the picture, it looks like she was riding on the left hand side.

3) That Arabic video seems like some sort of "comedy". I checked another video on their channel, in which a guy tries to woo a girl with all kinds of stuff from his suitcase. None of it works, so he magically gets a Brompton to unfold itself and turn into a regular bicycle. The effects guy was a real wizard: Briefcase Transforming Bicycle - POC دراجة هوائيّة في حقيبة -- مرحلة إثبات الفكرة — Stars of Science, indeed.

McFly said...

I mostly flatter myself. With my left hand.

The New York Groove said...

Jan! That woman is on an avenue. The avenues of NYC are one way, with Park Ave the exception. And that's not Park ave in the picture.

Anonymous said...

CommentatorBot9000 said...
Anonymous at 3:28 PM:
"1. How about you lubricate the cables with mineral oil before sliding them in their housings? That is what has been done successfully for >100 years with cables in cars, farm equipment, and other machines that actually have to operate at temperatures below 0 Fahrenheit, let alone 0 Celsius."

OK, let's talk about motor vehicles. Anyone with decent mechanical aptitude has spent some time learning how cars work and how to repair them. Obviously, this is not the same type of person that geeks out about bike parts on the internet.
ALL CARS USE HYDRAULIC BRAKES. They do use cables for less "life or death" functions: ie clutch cable, e brake. Most of these cables have the benefit of living "under the hood", out of the elements.

If you ski or snowboard enough to get past the gaper/"fred" stage, you know that one of the "rules", is never use your E-brake at the ski hill. Driving up the mountain you are throwing up wet slush at the undercarriage of the car, getting moisture in the cable and housing that actuates the parking brake on the rear axle. When you park, this moisture will freeze. If you put the E-brake on, it will be frozen "on" when you get done shredding the pow pow. I mean, you can still put the handle down, but the cable doesn't move, and the brake stays dragging. You can always tell the gapers, not only by their lift ticket collections, but by their burning brakes on the way home.

Cable and housing is susceptible to contamination. Hydraulic lines are not. Cables require adjustment as they stretch and pads wear. Hydro is self adjusting. Hydro is more durable, maintenance free, less prone to failure.... which is why they are used on every motor vehicle, regardless of cost.

Point 2, I kinda agree. Come winter time, my bike mostly goes away, replaced by a snowboard. However.... sometimes you get that cool frost, maybe 28-30f, and the trails are all frozen, crunchy and fast. Don't mind going for a rip in these conditions. Also, if town gets snowed in for a day or two, I'll take my mountain bike down to the store for groceries, so I don't have to worry about some retard in a 4X4 with summer tires rear ending me, or skidding through a red light. Driving in the snow, is sketchiest around jokers who don't drive in the snow much. So, I'll use a bike here and there. I honestly didn't put any thought into setting my MTB up for "EPIC WINTER CONDITIONS", the XT brakes are powerful, light, inexpensive, super reliable, good lever feel, great in the mud. The freezing thing is just a bonus. I
I have dealt with shift cables freezing many times.
I remember one snow ride, BITD, where one buddy "oh brosef, if your ran the Gore ride-on $50 sealed cables like I do, you wouldn't have that problem"...15 minutes late his gore cables froze, AND he shredded the teflon liner trying it force it.

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Anonymous said...

bike culture in montreal:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzNhjlIrZYM

somehow fixies are sexy again...

DB said...

Watching the Hawkeyes on a cool October day.
Have a good weekend y'all.

Jan! said...

New York Groove: thank you for the clarification. Now I can sleep again.

McFly said...

About to hit the canal loop with CABLE ACTUATED DICKS BREAKS. Lob I hope I don't die. If i do I just want everyone to know I love them. Except Babble, I crave her. Ok maybe it's love.

BamaPhred said...

Sold my hydro-leak break equipped bike, went with cantilevers. Hated the hyraleik dick breaks. Don't know why, just did. Oh, the damn tiny fittings, syringes, bottles, tubing, brake fluid everywhere, just to start. I didn't want to administer an enema, I just wanted to ride.

McFly said...

So sorry Babble.
BROKE MY DICK in the canal.
Don't tell my wife.

babble on said...

I expect your wife will need no explanations, honey. Sorry 'bout yer luck. xo

McFly said...

That ain't me. Man it's troll city around here these days. Plus she would not care about my D, long as I did not bite my tongue off on a big downhill she would be fine.

Dooth said...

Let's not forget Dada Fred, the absurdist cyclist.

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This comment has been removed by the author.
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