BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz To The Face!

So I was really looking forward to my trip to Australia--until I read this:

A statement from the NSW Ministry of Health said the group had developed "vomiting and diarrhea on the plane" consistent with norovirus infection, which is a common cause of outbreaks of gastroenteritis in Australia and elsewhere.

The flight was aboard a Boeing 747-400 which has a total of seven toilets located on the main deck and one on the upper deck.

Ugh.

Meanwhile, in local news (via Streetsblog), the NYPD is helping cyclists by telling them to help themselves (when they're not actively harassing them):

Presumably they can't spare any police here because they're too busy ticketing cyclists elsewhere in the city, but fortunately they've unleashed the life-saving power of signage to tell the potential victims that it's their fucking problem:

Wow.  "Accident prone location" is the best euphemism for drivers speeding and running lights to get onto the bridge that I've heard in awhile.  Meanwhile, this guy's so scared that he's wearing the world's biggest helment:

Immediately after the interview, Carlos Danger rode by and offered him $50 for it:

It's too bad that all this infrastructure and bike-sharing is rendered almost completely worthless by an official policy of victim-blaming.  If they're going to put up useless signs, they could at least direct the messages at the people causing the problem:

Lastly, you know how professional cyclists were pretty brazen in their use of EPO, then people caught on, and then they kept doing it but just got a little sneakier about it?  Well, bike reviewers are doing the same thing with the phrase "laterally stiff yet vertically compliant:"

See, they used to use that phrase all the time, but then suddenly people realized it was a load of crap, so now they just repeat it over and over again but using slightly different words:

Ride & handling: Subtle and light

Having tested plenty of top-end framesets that often seek to deliver performance over rider comfort, one thing becomes clear from the first few pedal strokes on the Aernario – it isn’t your usual ‘talkative’ race bike. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.]

With a claimed weight of under 900g, the Aernario has a subtlety to it that’s rare among frames in its weight class. Don’t assume, however, that efficiency is compromised. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.]

Storck have put together a package that requires an attentive pilot while also instilling a level of forgiveness. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.] Taking a corner too excitedly, venturing into the rough or making the decision to travel along neglected roads will not leave you battered and bruised. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.] There’s a level of appreciated feedback but it reaches your contact points at a reduced and dulled rate. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.]

Bringing the Lightweight Meilenstein Obermayer wheels on our test bike into play, we had a seriously light build beneath us. Your wheel selection will play an integral part in how your particular bike rides, but the sloping geometry and subsequent amount of post sitting outside the frame aids in the delivery of a more subtle experience. Want things a little stiffer under the seat? Install an alloy seatpost (not that we felt this was necessary). [Translation: You just paid almost $20,000 for a "laterally stiff, vertically compliant" bike when you should have just gotten a new seatpost.]

My favorite was the part about the "appreciated feedback" reaching his "contact points," which I can only assume he lifted wholesale from a Bust magazine vibrator review.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then great, and if you're wrong you'll see a crit.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your contact points be the recipient of some much-appreciated feedback this weekend.



--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) The ideal gravel bike:

--Has a long wheelbase and stable geometry
--Has a short wheelbase and quick handling
--Is basically a cyclocross bike
--All of the above

2) This frame (without frameholder) ultimately sold for:

--$53.09
--£53.09
--$1,530.90
--A handful of gravel

3) Drugs!

--True
--False

4) This guy likes to dress in themes.  What theme is this?

--The "Brunching-In-The-Pearl Theme"
--The "Portland-I'm-On-My-Bike-I've-Got-My-Bike-Bag-Going-To-Get-Coffee Theme"
--The "I'm-Training-For-A-Move-To-Brooklyn Theme"
--"Morning mist"

5) "She-Devils PGH" is:

--A new model of gravel bike
--"A camp-tastic, genre-defying caper, about an all-female bicycle gang that cruise the streets of PIttsburgh, regulating the safety of their fellow female riders."
--"A camp-tastic, genre-defying horror film about an all-female zombie bicycle gang from Pittsburgh that rides across the country to devour the hearts and brains of every single person in Portland"
--A prescription PMS pain medication for which professional cyclist Andy Schleck recently tested positive at the Tour of Poland

(For Immediate Release: World's most gratuitous "hall of fame" now accepting your piles of crap!)

6) Which "artifact" is not part of the "collection" of the "Urban Cycling Hall Of Fame?"

--Lucas Brunelle's entire spoke card collection
--Original Monster Track artwork from Greg Ugalde
--An original ghost bike sign
--An autographed pair of underpants worn by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in "Premium Rush"

7) Ugh.  Really?

--Incredibly, yes.
--Fortunately, no.

***Special "When Fixies Attack!"-Themed Bonus Video***

Seems about right.