Friday, August 2, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz To The Face!

So I was really looking forward to my trip to Australia--until I read this:


A statement from the NSW Ministry of Health said the group had developed "vomiting and diarrhea on the plane" consistent with norovirus infection, which is a common cause of outbreaks of gastroenteritis in Australia and elsewhere.

The flight was aboard a Boeing 747-400 which has a total of seven toilets located on the main deck and one on the upper deck.

Ugh.

Meanwhile, in local news (via Streetsblog), the NYPD is helping cyclists by telling them to help themselves (when they're not actively harassing them):
Presumably they can't spare any police here because they're too busy ticketing cyclists elsewhere in the city, but fortunately they've unleashed the life-saving power of signage to tell the potential victims that it's their fucking problem:









Wow.  "Accident prone location" is the best euphemism for drivers speeding and running lights to get onto the bridge that I've heard in awhile.  Meanwhile, this guy's so scared that he's wearing the world's biggest helment:


Immediately after the interview, Carlos Danger rode by and offered him $50 for it:


It's too bad that all this infrastructure and bike-sharing is rendered almost completely worthless by an official policy of victim-blaming.  If they're going to put up useless signs, they could at least direct the messages at the people causing the problem:







Lastly, you know how professional cyclists were pretty brazen in their use of EPO, then people caught on, and then they kept doing it but just got a little sneakier about it?  Well, bike reviewers are doing the same thing with the phrase "laterally stiff yet vertically compliant:"


See, they used to use that phrase all the time, but then suddenly people realized it was a load of crap, so now they just repeat it over and over again but using slightly different words:

Ride & handling: Subtle and light

Having tested plenty of top-end framesets that often seek to deliver performance over rider comfort, one thing becomes clear from the first few pedal strokes on the Aernario – it isn’t your usual ‘talkative’ race bike. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.]

With a claimed weight of under 900g, the Aernario has a subtlety to it that’s rare among frames in its weight class. Don’t assume, however, that efficiency is compromised. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.]

Storck have put together a package that requires an attentive pilot while also instilling a level of forgiveness. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.] Taking a corner too excitedly, venturing into the rough or making the decision to travel along neglected roads will not leave you battered and bruised. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.] There’s a level of appreciated feedback but it reaches your contact points at a reduced and dulled rate. [Translation: Laterally stiff, vertically compliant.]

Bringing the Lightweight Meilenstein Obermayer wheels on our test bike into play, we had a seriously light build beneath us. Your wheel selection will play an integral part in how your particular bike rides, but the sloping geometry and subsequent amount of post sitting outside the frame aids in the delivery of a more subtle experience. Want things a little stiffer under the seat? Install an alloy seatpost (not that we felt this was necessary). [Translation: You just paid almost $20,000 for a "laterally stiff, vertically compliant" bike when you should have just gotten a new seatpost.]

My favorite was the part about the "appreciated feedback" reaching his "contact points," which I can only assume he lifted wholesale from a Bust magazine vibrator review.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then great, and if you're wrong you'll see a crit.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your contact points be the recipient of some much-appreciated feedback this weekend.



--Wildcat Rock Machine




1) The ideal gravel bike:

--Has a long wheelbase and stable geometry
--Has a short wheelbase and quick handling
--Is basically a cyclocross bike
--All of the above






2) This frame (without frameholder) ultimately sold for:

--$53.09
--£53.09
--$1,530.90
--A handful of gravel






3) Drugs!

--True
--False







4) This guy likes to dress in themes.  What theme is this?

--The "Brunching-In-The-Pearl Theme"
--The "Portland-I'm-On-My-Bike-I've-Got-My-Bike-Bag-Going-To-Get-Coffee Theme"
--The "I'm-Training-For-A-Move-To-Brooklyn Theme"
--"Morning mist"








5) "She-Devils PGH" is:

--A new model of gravel bike
--"A camp-tastic, genre-defying caper, about an all-female bicycle gang that cruise the streets of PIttsburgh, regulating the safety of their fellow female riders."
--"A camp-tastic, genre-defying horror film about an all-female zombie bicycle gang from Pittsburgh that rides across the country to devour the hearts and brains of every single person in Portland"
--A prescription PMS pain medication for which professional cyclist Andy Schleck recently tested positive at the Tour of Poland






(For Immediate Release: World's most gratuitous "hall of fame" now accepting your piles of crap!)

6) Which "artifact" is not part of the "collection" of the "Urban Cycling Hall Of Fame?"

--Lucas Brunelle's entire spoke card collection
--Original Monster Track artwork from Greg Ugalde
--An original ghost bike sign
--An autographed pair of underpants worn by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in "Premium Rush"







7) Ugh.  Really?

--Incredibly, yes.
--Fortunately, no.


***Special "When Fixies Attack!"-Themed Bonus Video***




Seems about right.


135 comments:

streepo said...

scranus

RoadQueen said...

YEP

RoadQueen said...

WOOOOO!!! Finally made it!

dnk said...

Shi-i-i-it.

Missed podium because I have my dick in my mouth in my SUV.

Anonymous said...

just pipped from podium but top 10!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Frameholder nice.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Congrats Queenie!

Comment deleted said...

Blinky comment.

Hey Queenie, Yahoo!

Anonymous said...

fixie fisting

Comment deleted said...

I was watching that riveting Crit video, but had to stop because all the neighborhood dogs gathered around me for some reason.

dnk said...

BTW, my "vegan" saddle from Eric the Chamferer has arrived. It sure is puurty.

So now I can feel smug about having a PC saddle, as well as feeling smug making a high-end purchase off the BSNYC blog. Double smugness.

Although I guess the double smugness is negated by the fact that I'm an asshole who brags about it.

Check the math.

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/06/this-just-in-exciting-news-for-your.html

Serial Retrogrouch said...

road queen continues to dope... movin on up...

Freddy Murcks said...

Well, dammit. I had been hoping for the podium. I guess I am going to have to get Dr. Mikelly Furarry to adjust my dosages.

16 erfarmai

BamaPhred said...

Congrats to podium winners

Today's to do list
1 hump the ads. Done
2 Congratulate Snob on his Writers Festival gig. Well done, Sir Snob. Done
3 propose a festival north of NYC in his absence. Maybe we could call it Snobstock? Charge $40, headliners Non Plussed Bib Shorts, Vito the Undead, Just Kidding, Recumbabe, D-Rab, Ant the Wein, etc. done

3 days of nudity, debauchery, and snarkiness. And bikes, of course.

mind you I'm not volunteering for anything, at all

Just saying

dnk said...

And yes, congrats RoadQueen. You beat me by a hair. Well, actually by 2 minutes if the time clock is correct.

But I was doping anyway...

McFly said...

CRAPSNOBNYC

Anonymous said...

Let the air out of the tire.
BUCK WEAT

RoadQueen said...

Thanks, RCT and CD!

I had to triple my dose to achieve podio status.

It's only "technically" cheating and besides, you can't argue with the end results.

gistrek 185

Blog Drafter said...

Fun Quiz.

crosspalms said...

Where can I get one of those talkative road bikes? Long rides can be lonely, it might be nice to have someone to talk to. Do they come in gravel?

Blog Drafter said...

...and we all beat CJ, who's still busy copy/pasting in yesterdays comment section!

Comment deleted said...

crosspalms, I think that's a rather personal question.

ChamoisJuice said...

otb

McFly said...

I read somewhere the Weiner refuses to go down without a hard-fought battle.

balls™ said...

How the hell do manage to get your arm stuck in the back of a bicycle?

I bet when that guy goes home he gets his dick stuck in a toaster.

CommieCanuck said...

Nice video...so that's what happened to Yahoo Serious.

When will people learn that fisting requires lubricant?

Fritz said...

Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

CommieCanuck said...

Let the air out of the tire.

Yeah...this wasn't a Mensa meeting. (not that a mensa meeting could figure this out either.)

Freddy Murcks said...

balls™ - Oh like you've never gotten your dick stuck in a toaster. My friend, Rick the Fireman, tells me that it happens all the time. One minute you makin' toast, next minute - Bam! your dick is stuck in the toaster slot.

cutowed 285

Philip Barrett said...

OK, jumping into the "gravel bike" fray. As both a cyclist AND sometime dirt/trail bike (with an engine) rider my exploits on the latter have given much insight (sometimes too much insight) into gravel.


So I ask, what is this gravel they speak of? Well in my experience it's not the nice small stuff on the pathways at a Pebble Beach Concours meet or the driveway at Downton Abbey. It's a larger, fairly sharp, graded rock that offers little in traction and almost no predictability. No self respecting motorcyclist would attempt it on anything but knobby tires which are co-incidentally what generally come attached to mountain bikes!


Looking at the skinny little treads on the so-called gravel bikes I see only a rather painful first corner followed closely by a Craigslist ad!

crosspalms said...

Good thing there are only 400 pair of those shoes. Bonus, they said "colorway!"

ChamoisJuice said...

Philip, you don't know what the fuck you are talking about. Please take your BMW/KTM into the shop for service, and ask the mechanic to clue you in.

Gravel bike is the motorcycle equivalent of a KDX200 or KLR250. Do all bike. Semi knobs that are somewhat functional and both pavement and light trail.
A bike like this is practical, therefore it cannot be cool.

The problem arises when middle aged men want to pretend they are adventurers, fetishize the machine, and spend 5 times more than they need to on a douchechariot.

crosspalms said...

CD,
You may be right. What's more, what if I get a bike that's so talkative I keep hearing stories about the time it got its dick stuck in a toaster? Who needs that on a long ride?

Anonymous said...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-23490859

"Emergency callouts included incidents where men had their genitals stuck in a toaster and a vacuum cleaner."

Be careful out there, CJ.

McFly said...

Frame Holding 101

ge said...

Hmm, nice hair & purse. People should be glad craigslist missed connections don't work.

suiterha 955 - yeah, totaly suite

crosspalms said...

anon 1:22

Gives new meaning to "I was cleaning it and it just went off."

3G said...

WHAT ABOUT SEROTTA!?!? WHAT ABOUT THE DENTISTS!!!

McFly said...

A KDX200 came stock with full knobbies. The KLR250 came stock with dual-purpose knobbies. Because it was a dual-purpose off-road motorcycle.

If you are going to be a smartass you need to have your facts straight.

Anonymous said...

See a crit?? Damn, I'm disappointed. I thought it was Asian porn...

Regular guy said...

Had to get rid of one of my bikes, it just would not shut up.

Had a riding partner who talked a lot, too. I told her she would be faster if she didn't talk so much.

Anonymous said...

Welsh bachelor Gareth Lloyd, 49, has avoided a jail term after making nearly 6,000 phone calls in three months saying his manhood was stuck in household objects including a jam jar and a vacuum cleaner.

http://metro.co.uk/2012/10/12/man-made-6000-calls-saying-his-penis-was-stuck-in-household-objects-599337/

JB said...

The frameholder is soft in all the correct places.

Regular guy said...

Wow, that description of the Storck, whatever that is, sounds like some of my early sexual experiences.

babble on said...

Oh! Those clever, intuitive Brits have finally invented the hand brake!

ChamoisJuice said...

KDX200 is a street legal on road/off road bike. Comes with indicators and DOT street legal tires.

You are correct that the KLR comes with smoother rolling tires, however they are both on/off road tires.

babble on said...

Congratulations on the podium, Streepo and Queenie!

Anonymous said...

One must be careful when acting the smart ass. There is always a smarter ass just around the bend.

the Commentariat said...

CJ, can you please take your discussion over to motorcyclesnobNYC?

I swear, you are the most annoying person EVAHHH.

babble on said...

McFly - Hey! What a novelty! That frame holder is all it's cracked up to be.

McFly said...

A KDX200 has never come stock and been street legal. Baja Designs makes a conversion kit for them but it's all aftermarket.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BTW, when BSNYC wrote yesterday that "...you should all be ashamed of yourselves," he really meant it.

Regular guy said...

The trouble with acing the funquiz, is that you then have to go back and intentionally answer a question incorrectly to get the punishment. This time, it was worth it.

McFly said...

Hey Babs I noticed the Kona frame holder has a pretty sizeable dent in her left knee cap.

I wonder how it got there.

Regular guy said...

Its bad enough to get your hand stuck in someone else's back wheel,(explanation please!) but having to wait around to be freed by someone wearing a collander on their head would drive me to drinking.

Anonymous said...

Grave Bike! In Oregon, no less.

http://www.opb.org/news/blog/ecotrope/in-eugene-you-can-go-green-to-the-grave-on-a-tricycle-hearse/

mikeweb said...

Plenty of sleep and ?? + some wine = babble on fire today.

CommieCanuck said...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-23490859

"Emergency callouts included incidents where men had their genitals stuck in a toaster and a vacuum cleaner."


That's England, not much else to do on those bank holidays.

Gripey said...

God - every one of those stupid 'go-pro' videos has the same horrible clackity sound!

CommieCanuck said...

I hope that frame holder is horizontally compliant.

The whole, "laterally, vertically" thing is complete marketing bullshit started by Vroomen White. I fell for it when I bought an R3 -the frame is fucking stiff in all directions, and the race bikes were all modified version of the consumer frame. Vertically compliant, my ass, or sore scranus.

CommieCanuck said...

I somewhat understand the vacuum, but a toaster? WTF, what does that simulate... Dorothy Rabinowitcz? Margaret Thatcher?

And all you women don't be so smug...I see you buying English cucumbers, carrots, bananas in the supermarket. We know what's going on.

DB said...

BamaFred:
Excellent idea! Snobopallooza! Gotta invite Bloc Boi!

Anonymous said...

"Hey Fucktard in the SUV"

That's a Sexytime Use Van.

Lefty said...

Here now. Let me give you hand with that rear wheel...

crosspalms said...

I'd go hear a gig by The Welsh Bachelors. Maybe they're playing Lollapalooza here (though with the rain we got earlier it's probably more like Lakeapalooza.)

crosspalms said...

McFly,
No brakes? No helmet? That frameholder is just looking for trouble.

Focus said...

huh huh he h h h huh.

"Contact Points"

hehehehe yeah.

Dyson Dater said...

I got my dick stuck in a vacuum cleaner once and boy did it ever suck!

Freddy Murcks said...

CommieCanuck - The slot in a toaster = hot snatch, really hot snatch. And it's dry like Dorthy Rabiowitz's Tibetan Terrier.

26 sgenrob

Shitshow Bob said...

Help! I got my dick stuck in the frameholder.

Move Wreck Beach East for three days said...

BamaFred @1253. "three days of nudity". You have to fly in Babble. Attendance will skyrocket and you can charge one hell of a lot more than 40 bucks.

Polished up and ready to go. said...

Can the frame holder be rented by the hour?

ChamoisJuice said...

I read a book once about funny medical conditions.

One whole chapter was about shit people have gotten their penii stuck in.

TWO chapter were about things people have gotten stuck in their ass. There was a lot that you'd expect, but the two X-rays that stuck with me:

-buddy who put FOUR (4) lightbulbs up his ass?!?!

-Buddy who put a funnel in his butthole and poured concrete in there?!?!?!

Road Queen, she's our gal, if she can't do it nobody can said...

Congrats to Road Queen and her clone for placing 2 and 3 on the podium.

Blog Drafter said...

Regular guy @ 1:59:

Pastafarians...coolest religion on the planet. Cooler than Lobism even, no joke. His Noodly Appendage!

RoadQueen said...

Mr. Cement Ass must have wanted rock hard glutes.

Anonymous said...

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix

by Peter J. Stephens, M.D., and Mark L. Taff, M.D.
from the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology 8(2):179-182, 1987.

This article describes an unusual rectal foreign body resulting from homosexual anal erotic activities. The patient had used an enema containing a concrete mix which became impacted and required surgical removal. The use, abuse, and complications of enemas are reviewed.

http://www.well.com/~cynsa/cement.html

Toptube said...

Hmmmm... Both models of frame holders look nice, which one is easier to mount?

RoadQueen said...

Anon @ 2:58,

Ya know, usually medical jargon can de-sexify any topic.

However, the clinical term "homosexual anal erotic activities" can't be cleaned up enough to achieve sterility.

Wow.

ge said...

If only there was a way to remove a wheel without tools. I'm totally gonna invent something and kickstart it.

-Yahoo Serious

Anonymous said...

Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12 X 7 X 5 cm and weighing 275 g (Fig. 2)
. A thin layer of feces coated the surface and crevices. Grooves in the mass were consistent with rectal mucosal folds. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen and revealed a white plastic ping-pong ball. This corresponded to the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray.

Anonymous said...

Can't get over how well lit that frameholder photo is.

DB said...

Babs:
Hanging out at Anthropology in Madison while the Mrs shops.
Cheese Curds tonight!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That funnel guy. A real hard-ass.

Anonymous said...

Comments definitely off into the weeds today, and not showing any signs of getting back on track.
I notice WCRM his self does not post comments on days when comments go this far astray…

Regular guy said...

Maybe the concrete enema was used as a means to extract the ping pong ball. In which case, its brilliant.

Flyover bike commuter said...

"it reaches your contact points at a reduced and dulled rates"
means

It doesn't hammer your scranus"

McFly said...

I thought an asstray was what they kept the ass ER tools on.

crosspalms said...

I think men will stick pretty much anything anywhere to see what happens. Upside: discovering scientific method. Downside: winding up in medical journals.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

that EPO video song is the best campaign i have heard since bobby la pointesold 'ice cream' to the tour riders in the early 70's.

JB said...

Concrete has a pH of about 12 (0 to 14 scale). Ouch.

RoadQueen said...

crosspalms: Unfortunately, that's not just a man thing, I'm pretty sure it's a human thing, period.

I've heard of some pretty whacko things getting stuffed up a snatch or two as well.

Same upside/downside.

Lost 2 fingers to a vacuum said...

GER BIL

ChamoisJuice said...

...using a combination of defensive riding, and bmx bike control techniques, we will show you how to control you bike AND STAY ALIVE in all situations you might encounter...
CYCLE SAFELY: THE BMX WAY

Old school BMX Australian education video

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Let's not go down the lobster-in-the-vag road again. But still, a concrete enema is going to be great for a level of appreciated feedback but it reaches your contact points at a reduced and dulled rate.

Comment deleted said...

Queenie, it's all fun and games until someone ends up with a cooter full of mud shrimp larvae.

Comment deleted said...

Sorry, Lumpen, your castigation came a moment too late!

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

CD - noooooooooooooooooo

BMXican said...

Stoner podium

I'd rather brake than be fixed. said...

Nobody is surprised that critical mass guy didn't have a tool to remove his own wheel. They should have walked to the nearest LBS to ask the mechanic if they had time to take off his tire.
Or were they British?
OK. Take off his tyre.

Comment deleted said...

CIst.

Anonymous said...

That's a buttload of funny story to tell the grandkids.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...anyone notice that the guy riding the bike in the crit-mass in london would not get off his bike even though there was a boy fisting it?

mentsusy 26

RoadQueen said...

CD!!!!!!!

I had finally forgotten the mud shrimp/lobster thing.

Thanks. A lot. *horf*

Spokey said...

congrats queenie for the podi

although I have to be critical of hogging two podis. Rather selfish of you me thinks.

Guess I really do have to get up before 4:30 to place anywhere high in this peleton

RoadQueen said...

Spokey - It's more irrational joy and uncontainable excitement that led to to the double-podium today, rather than selfishness.

I'm Sorry. :`(

Comment deleted said...

Wow, RQ, that apology almost put an eye out.

Talk about vertically compliant...

RoadQueen said...

CD, you should focus on a proper apology for your earlier slip of the tongue.

Just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

109th place satan's scranus!

babble on said...

Nice - the ole double apology for the double podium. Fitting. :)

babble on said...

I hope bum dooder was using Portland Cement. (That's the kind used by the bike-friendly set.) At least we know there's a cure... and it'll give him a clean finish in the end.

Comment deleted said...

OK, OK, I'm sorry. Here's the world's best looking man.

Hope that makes up for my tongue.

babble on said...

and that's no lye!

ChamoisJuice said...

According to the guy that wrote the funny book about medical conditions, gerbils in butts are urban myth, just like lobsters in dyke vag.

He claimed to extensively research ER records for all rectal implants, and had extensive lists of all sorts of odd things stuck up there, but zero (0) gerbils.

Homophobes are always trying to tie gay sex to beastiality and pedophilia.

Comment deleted said...

CJ, good observation. Note how the woman in the lobster story had to be a lesbian.

Comment deleted said...

Now, as a palette-cleanser, try this.

Warning: NSFW without headphones!

RoadQueen said...

CD....

Keep going on about the lobster thing. You're going to owe us all another apology...

Richard Gere said...

CJ, you are so full of shit.

Comment deleted said...

I'm guessing, judging by the silence here, that all are very busy with the second apology.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

CJ has so much to be sorry for, it's going to take him a long time to find an appropriate mea culpa

Dooth said...

I'd like to give a shout-out to a buddy mentioned in the Fun Quiz, but someone might think I'm being "pretentious ".

Spokey said...

queenie;

Could I get just one more apology?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Holy shit! Richard Gere, wow another Hollywood A-lister that reads bsnyc for the the list! Hey man I always like your talent as an actor. I always thought you got the raw deal over that whole gerbil thing. Haters are gonna hate. Oh well Keep on keeping on Richard.

leroy said...

Sorry I'm late.

My dog asked me to submit his contribution to the frame holder discussion.

If it rains, take the bus. The bus. Not the subway. Never the subway.

Ride joyfully all!

And if you're planning on a 13 hour plane ride, bring your own food or adult diapers. Either one. Your choice.

McFly said...

Hey Wildcat dont take your baby into the outback. I hear those dingo's get pretty hungry..........wait for it.....



MAYBE THE DINGO ATE YOUR BABY

( •_•)O*¯`·.¸.·´¯`°Q(•_• ) said...

http://www.powerhousemuseum.com/collection/database/?irn=69132

This helmet also represents the contemporary social and political concerns of risk, safety, health and urban planning. Australia has led the world in legislating compulsion for use of seatbelts and bicycle helmets to change road safety behaviour. However some argue that cyclists may be less likely to have an accident if they are not wearing a helmet because they compensate for perceived risks by riding with more care. It has been argued that addressing the sources of safety risks to cyclists, such as motor vehicles and transport planning, would more effectively reduce injuries to cyclists. Compulsion to wear helmets creates a perception that cycling is a dangerous activity, when many argue that the health and environmental benefits outweigh the safety risks.

STAC KHAT

Read more: http://www.powerhousemuseum.com/collection/database/?irn=69132#ixzz2aru5ZOVA
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial

RoadQueen said...

CD, sorry to leave you hanging. I was enthralled by your second apology.

Then I went out to party a little because hey...IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!! Woohoo!

Have a good weekend all!

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
paulb said...

Riding through those Bkln intersections (along Tillary), who can spare a blink to read a sign?

Cipo said...

Any woman who can triple the podium gets a "free" date with Cipo.

ChamoisJuice said...

ce,

The best thing about your aussie rules football rant was the use of the word BLOOD NUT to describe redheads.

DB said...

Podium!

ce said...

CJ, I could have also gone with "ranga".

nyc said...

interesting blog. It would be great if you can provide more details about it. Thank you...


Maid Service in NYC