Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Things! Stuff! Other Things!

First of all, this song just changed my life:


Let's hear it for him.

Secondly, now that my life has been changed, I think I'll leave all my troubles behind and just fuck off for awhile and check out some farms:

 

I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but I gather they like both "farmeen" and "bikeen" and so they're going to do some "bikeen," and watch some people do some "farmeen."  That's cool.  I can dig it.  For this they want $1,500 though, and while wish them nothing but the best, I also have to wonder: "Why the penny ante?"  Seems like if you're going to go through all the trouble of passing the virtual hat, why not just ask for $15,000, or $150,000, or a cool million for that matter?  Do you really need to "crowdsource" $1,500 for a vacation?  Seems like you could just save that up after a few weeks of working at Starbucks.

But what do I know?  Not only am I old, but I'm incredibly wealthy--so wealthy I'm in the market for a new bicycle, preferably one with a five-figure price tag.  But what to get?  Fortunately, a reader has forwarded me this article, which contains a number of appealing choices:


Through the decades, automobiles and two-wheel (or one-wheel) conveyances lacking motors have coexisted, usually peacefully. And today’s racecars and racing bikes have some technology, engineering and style in common. So it’s perhaps not surprising that some of the most advanced premium bicycles are designed by, or sold by, automobile companies.

Wait, what?  Cars and bikes are coexisting peacefully?  Do you read your own paper?  And what the hell does a racecar have in common with a racing bike apart from absolutely nothing whatsoever?  Still, they did nail it with regard to the typical car-branded road bike customer:

“At the higher end of the cycling market, cyclists tend to be car people — and watch people,” Mr. Lambiase said. “There’s appreciation of what I call art in motion: a psychological connection among cars and bikes and performance — beautiful and precise machinery.”

Translation: they're douchebags.

Furthermore, they're an incredibly specific type of douchebag:

For the right buyers, usually the affluent, Mr. Lambiase says, “it’s the aesthetic details, the paint job, the leather on the saddle, which makes them special.” He added, “They take these bikes seriously, and if they have the passion for the auto brand, they buy them.”

So in other words, these car companies are tapping the teeny, tiny douchebag cycling market that is willing to spend a gazillion dollars on a bike yet somehow still has no idea of the existence of the absurdly pretentious and expensive world of custom bicycles.  So instead, they're actually buying crappy rebranded BMCs with suede handlebars:

LAMBORGHINI The Impec Lamborghini 50th Anniversary Edition, built by the Swiss company BMC, costs about $32,000. Incredibly sexy, the bike is loaded with carbon-fiber components and suede-covered handlebars and saddle. Only 50 will be offered on a build-to-order basis.

Nice.  That'll look great on the ol' trunk rack:


Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Times, a commenter pointed out yesterday that they've actually printed a letter from the dumbest person in New York City:


The density and vertical nature of our city mean that hundreds of cyclists could live, and park, on a single block, leaving neighborhoods with all the charm of a junkyard.

Cycling should be neither deterred nor promoted, but certainly not singled out as a privileged mode of conveyance whose operators enjoy segregated lanes, free parking and exemption from the licensing, insurance and safety precautions (like helmets) required for other two-wheeled vehicles such as motorcycles.

The Times calls this an "invitation to a dialogue," which is a pretentious way of saying they're "trolling."  They want replies by today, and I'd submit one myself, but there's no way I could without using the words "fucking idiot" repeatedly.  See, I don't believe fucking idiots deserve to be engaged in a dialogue.  At best, they deserve to be shouted at and insulted.  Do we engage racists and child molesters in dialogues?  No.  Granted, bike-haters are not nearly as bad as racists or pedophiles (though I'm sure at least some of them are all three), but they're all completely baseless.  So why do we have to have a "dialogue" with Gary Taustine, a complete fucking idiot whose name sounds like an off-brand steak sauce you'd buy in C-Town?  Hey Gary, I got your "dialogue" right here:


By the way, I'm pretty sure that's Alberto Contador.

Really, though, do we actually have to point out to Gary "Fucking Idiot" Taustine that his nightmare of streets-turned-junkyards already exists, since our city's streets are absolutely filled with piece-of-shit cars, most of which are parked for free and are the size of a typical Manhattan studio apartment?  And I'm not being smug either, because I own one of those piece-of-shit cars, and I can assure you it's a total eyesore.  It begrimes the fuck out of my neighborhood.  You know when you park your car in a lot and they mark down all the dents and scratches on your ticket so you don't try to blame them for the damage later?  Well, it takes them about 45 minutes do mine.

But that's not the point.  The point is that I hope Gary Taustine sustains a painful injury in the course of attempting to blow himself.

So let's hear it for Gary:




Eeew.  He put his "dialogue" all over that seat!  Also, his bike fit is also totally incorrect--at least in the 19th century, as forwarded by still another reader:



See, this is totally wrong:

And what you want is to replicate the position you had on your old pennyfarthing before you upgraded to the safety bike:




See?  He's sitting bolt-upright with his hands right by his "dialogue."

Perfect.

Lastly, for the two people who read this blog and care about matters of bike tech, you may recall I had some issues with a Praxis PF30 adapter.  Well, as it happens, Praxis recently informed me they've addressed these issues with a redesign and have sent me a replacement.  Here it is:


Oh, sorry, here it is:


I should point out they don't know I'm a bike blogger (or at least I certainly never told them), so it's good to see they follow up with their customers.  I should also point out that I haven't installed this since in the interim I put one of those Sram ones in there and it's working fine, so I have no idea if they've actually fixed the problem.  Still, if you're plagued with this accursed PF30 system, then perhaps this is news you can use.

You're welcome.

108 comments:

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Ding Ding Ding

BamaPhred said...

Podio?

Anonymous said...

Podium!
@SomerSlam1

Marcel Da Chump said...

Praxis Recumbabe!

Anonymous said...

aaaa

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten again!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

aaaaa is right.

Anonymous said...

TOOP TEEN

Anonymous said...

Oooh!! Top Ten again today?

australian said...

I'm included!

Anonymous said...

flat tyre

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"MINI For $548, a bike built by Dahon"

What the heck is that thing doing mixed in with the likes of Porsche and Lamborgini? Wow I can probably find that much scratch in my couch cushions.

Which reminds me isn't about time for you to do some kind of foldie review or something about your Brompton or funny triangle bike or whatever it was you shlep on the train with?

BikeSnobNYC said...

recumbent conspiracy theorist,

No plans to review the folding bike (not a Brompton). It rides fine, it folds quick. That's all there is to say about it.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

RANTWICK said...

WTG RCT! Of course recumbents would win every race if they were allowed...

Anonymous said...

That's not Contador; no fingerbang!


The safety bike has he handle bar tape done up all wrong also!

Anonymous said...

I thrill to the fact that everyday I grow older, recumbabe gets hotter

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey there was a cool article linked on the sidebar of that NYT magazine about the kickstand.

"the world’s first blueprint for a kickstand, drawn by a Frenchman named Alfred Berruyer in 1869."

There was no convenient place to mount the kickstand on those early pre safety bike contraptions so old Berrerereuyer just mounted it on the handlebar. It must have been two feet long. Man Wildcat if you put one of those on your bike it would make your stem look absolutely stubby.

Anonymous said...

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD.

McFly said...

I am going to go out on a limb and say that Sydney and Havely, of Bike Farm Tour fame, have really really harry vagina's.

JB said...

Snobby in the front group!

mikeweb said...

Who knew that Recumbabe was the answer to our bottom bracket woes.

Matt said...

Sydney and Havely are going to have to run a lot faster if they want chicken for dinner. But thank Lob they're going to document sustainable farming practices in their 'zines so that valuable knowledge isn't lost to all, um, humankind.

oonyers 74

JB said...

Tell me that's stopped you before, McFly.

babble on said...

Good morning! And thank you. :)

McFly said...

Naaaaaaa. Slowed me down maybe. I know how to forage.

mikeweb said...

At 1:21 of that first video, there's a couple of people in the background walking toward the 'singer-songwriter'.

I was kind of hoping they were ruffians who would grab his guitar and smash it over his head.

I was disappointed.

babble on said...

Recumbabe is the answer to ALL our woes.

Yarpo said...

I just couldn't make it all the way through Lawrence Arabia. He needs to change up his cycling routes so the towns won't be so boring...like his personality. Where's Bluto Blutarsky when you need him?

Sydney and Havely. NO! Getta job awwreddy!!! Snob, you might cross paths with them on your epic bike tour to the upper reaches of CaNAHduh and Chemin-les-back-bacon. That could be an epic meeting in itself!

The Contador photo: what exactly do those things where his man-boobs are located symbolize?

RCT, BamaPhred, and Anon 11:31am: Congrats and Stuffed Lions to you three!

Sydney and Havely: one more time: PAY FOR YOUR OWN FUCKING VACATION! I like how they're doing it in September, which means they have to skip all of their classes since they're doing this for their Freshman Thesis-thing.

Kneeling in Engreetment before (ZOD), who has safely made his way into the earth's atmosphere without dropping the chain on his Space Galaxy Cycle, which can be a real bad hassle.

Matt said...

And actually, those girls could set an example of living off local free-range antibiotic-free organic food by eating the roadkill they find along the way.

This guy has done it for years. Fox is tasty, badger and hedgehog not much good.

babble on said...

mmm dialogue.

Olle Nilsson said...

Dear Grant Petersen, as the other reader of this blog, I can confirm that neither one of us cares about bike tech. Please do Snob a favour and send him one of those old-timey square taper bottom brackets and allow him to move on with his life.

Anonymous said...

"Specs include a full-carbon frame weighing just over 16 pounds"

BMW has a pretty heavy frame going for being made of fibrous carbon...

Etherhuffer said...

Oh man. Oh man. Oh man! If folks will pay 32K for a bike, I am going into business. Anyone want to join my Kickstarter of selling helium for tire fills to those folks?

Comment deleted said...

Prime opportunity to have used "vaginae", McFly, and you blew it. Don't let it happen again.

Anonymous said...

zzzzzzzzzz

Yarpo said...

Gatis Smukulis comfortably in 118th place in the Ter Di Flance! Go Latvia!

No, I don't think his name is funny or silly, I just like the mouth-feel when saying it out loud. Name-Crushes are like that.

Plus, I like Latvia.

How about a song, then? "I gave my love a cherry...WHAM-CRASH-CRASH-CRASH!"

Sorry, Lawrence...

Anonymous said...

Fuck New York City and the idiots who continue to ruin it, I would rather go riding at the beach with
Wilma

Freddy Murcks said...

I thought that the headline "High-Performance Machines With Zero Horsepower" was referring to the fact that the freds that buy those overpriced pieces of shit crabon fibre are generally desk jockeys who are incapable of generating even the tiniest bit of power. Instead, we learn that they are car and watch people who are interested in buying overpriced gimcracks.

133 upgniti

mack donald said...

farmeen? is that still around?

praxis_dont_work said...

How about Praxis sending almost every consumer that bought the old version a NEW PF30 adapter?

Snobby you are missing a blogTASTIC opportunity reviewing folding bicycling cycles for vertical compliance. James Huang will be quaking in his rigid yet supple boots.

Imagine the click-through revenue on a review a of a bike with 16" wheels and disc brakes. Posers everywhere will abandon their Rittes! And snobby will be the media king of clown bikes.

I see a kickstarter campaign for clownbike review site.

Etherhuffer said...

Farmeeners. Noble savages of the industrial world.

RoadQueen said...

Way to go RCT! Nice podio snag! KISSES!

all_your_ideas_belong_to_me said...

Youse guys are missing da' point of lifestyle bikes.

Someone can sell Hong Fu's with ridiculous markup to fools with more money than brains. Seems like a win-win.

I'll send my minions out to patent that.

ChamoisJuice said...

Farmeen? Shits all about the permaculture these days, broheim. Might as well drink pesticides and genetically modify your balls before subjecting yourself to the poisons of farmings.

I think the organic/hippy dippy thing is the only place where PNW is ahead of the NYC curve.


When are you going to get back to the making fun of bikes with humor?

victor_vincente_of_america said...

1965 American national road cycling champion and two-time Olympian, Victor Vincente of America was/is a big proponent of roadkill as a meal. No kidding. Nice guy.

I recall roadkill jerky as prizes in early mountain bike races in Southern California. By early, I mean a decade before the first Yeti out of southern california.

ChamoisJuice said...

Is it wednesday yet?

Rabbi Efraim Zalmanovich, a prominent orthodox rabbi from the Israeli town of Mazkeret Batya, has issued a religious ruling declaring medical marijuana to be perfectly kosher. The ruling says that if a religious Jew is prescribed marijuana to treat symptoms of a disease or to limit the amount of pain being suffered then smoking medical marijuana takes on the stature of a religious commandment.
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/826166/orthodox-rabbi-says-medical-marijuana-is-kosher/#eSQiS9vXV4mQX3AY.99

ChamoisJuiceIsAFookinIdiot said...

CJ asked: "When are you going to get back to the making fun of bikes with humor?"

CJ, when are you going to quit reading this blog and posting comments? You apparently don't like it very much. Plus you aren't funny and your schtick is getting really old. I am sure that you'd find a much more welcoming audience for your trolling and Jew baiting over at whitepower.com.

834 ilsewsy

Anonymous said...

So Snob, what do you do with all those now useless BB threads you have to "press fit" through to put your plastic bits into the big hole? Chafing the cheese off your dialogue is no fun. And speaking of douchebags, I've stopped chaffing my dialogue every time I tuck it in the hole of my scranus-saving saddle. You should buy one for your car too. http://tinyurl.com/n7uubjo

Schmoopie said...

Wow, that Lawrence Arabia video had 19 views! I think you must have at least doubled that number through your blog link.

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, here is the point which escapes you:

Just because some Rabbi somewhere says something does not make it so. Just because a headline deems him "prominent" does not make him any sort of Talmudic scholar qualified to make pronouncements binding on an entire religion.

However, such subtleties escape you, and this is what makes you an anti-Semite, presenting things as if fact about which you have no knowledge whatsoever. As our great President Abraham Lincoln famously said: "Don't believe everything you read on the internet."

When you are prepared to knowledgeably discuss the Sanhedrin and the Cohen Gadol, perhaps you can begin to advance pronouncements on Halachic law.

Until then, STFU, asshole.

Anonymous said...

Me, I'm saving my play dough for the Cro-Mo Rivendell lugged coupe. Steering wheel at eye level and room for fenders.
Oh, and I'm a sundial person.

IWishIWasBabble'sSaddle said...

Fromunda

P. Bateman said...

i would think the two girls from the farm video might be a good fit for that fellow playing the bikeen song if he's looking for groupies.

of course, he's probably seen them before...

Anonymous said...

Happy Dez Cadena Day.

Anonymous said...

I know I'm just an old out of touch roadie, but I still can't fathom "crowd sourcing/kickstarter". WHY would I want to pay for their vacation?
I'm wondering if they plan on doing their long distance touring in those "Daisy Dukes". Just might find a few farmers willing to show them the hayloft.

Paul Bowen said...

I literally own a skinsuit.

Anonymous said...

Anon245,
Just think about it: it's the perfect 'merican way of doing things. You get to "experience" a trip without having to leave the couch. You get to supplement the entitled generation without too much cost. And, it allows us to "fix" a problem just by throwing money at it and acting superior, without having to really DO anything.
Win/win really.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

aha... i always knew you had SOME skills in photography... yet you always claimed how badly you suck. we now know that you can control your focal length... on your camera, not on your "dialogue"

your 'dialogue' still sucks.

james said...

the douches in network security at my work block bsnyc because it's tagged adult content. now I have to use my phone. douchebags.

crosspalms said...

I think Snob's comment about the folder qualifies as a review. Short and to the point. Nice job.

In that perfect bike position, I can't decide which I'd do more often -- hit my knees on the bar or catch my foot on the front wheel and knock myself over. I'd look like a living GIF.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

McFly,

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the ladies in daisy dukes are going to be 'farmeen' each other's 'gardens' sustainably while on their trip.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the aforementioned Dana Michelle Woods is going to give a seminar in how to get other people to pay for your vacation via kickstarter.

Beat the rain today -- rode along on my custom crabon, which weighs little and rides wonderfully, wondering if I'm actually a Fred. Of course, I decided I'm not, since I've been riding for 45 years and know full well that the BSNYC Power Meter is dead-accurate in my case.

BamaPhred said...

And the Farm Girls are likely to find artisanal meth labs and organic weed growing operations. That was a sad looking example of gardening in the video. Someone needs to get in touch with some basic hand tools, motivation, and elbow grease.

Best of luck with all that. You go girls.

Dooth said...

Isn't Taustine a scranus lotion?

mikeweb said...

I can't believe that Fritz's link to Wilma didn't evoke a response from anyone. At least anyone with a 'dialogue'. Although I think that Appel Mahmud was thinking about it but didn't want to appear impure.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Mikeweb, I was dallying on my lunch break, but I was all set to rave about Wilma - I take her over recumbabe any day. What's not to like - beach, bikini, long hair, tats, big smile, dorky new-age penny farthing.

And isn't 3:20pm a bit early for the spammers to be coming out?

Anonymous said...

Glad to see some Wilma Fans

Anonymous said...

Try playing both videos at the same time. Awe inspiring!

CommieCanuck said...

Gary, Gary, Gary.

Oh, Gary.

CommieCanuck said...

As our great President Abraham Lincoln famously said: "Don't believe everything you read on the internet."

Wasn't that John F. Kennedy?

Jimboner said...

please don't forget that David Byrne is still out there somewhere

ETF said...

"And what the hell does a racecar have in common with a racing bike apart from absolutely nothing whatsoever?" Not true as they are both operated by OCD neurotics with money to burn and going nowhere fast.

ChamoisJuice said...

DOOD! Whatever happened to the best commentor evar?

Jolene, Jolene... Jolene. Jolene?

Obligatory: NICE TITS

I also miss that russian guy...

WishIwasMerckxisaFookingIdiot:
Are you really that thick? Medical Marijuana is kosher link is anti-semitic??? REALLY?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Yes, asswipe, passing along such a link constitutes an implicit endorsement by you on a subject upon which you know NOTHING.

What on G-d's green earth is such a link provided on a snarky BIKING blog? It is not even remotely topical with anything else being discussed.

Anonymous said...

In the tradition of Recumbabe, Wilma = Hottyfarthing


For that sniffling & sneezing, try new

ourazec 18

ChamoisJuiceIsAFookinIdiot said...

wishiwasmerckx - As to why CJ posted his stupid link, I am sure that you already know the answer. It's all part of CJ's tired old Jew baiting schtick. The guy is a total fucking asshole who apparently has absolutely zero impulse control. I wish he would take some of his lack of impulse control and, just for the fun of it, see how hard he can hit himself in the face with a hammer.

1344 argyfe

ChamoisJuice said...

Do you even read this blog?!?!

Hasidim and Yiddish make regular appearances for comedic effect. One of the reasons I like this blog over other blogs that suck more, besides making fun of road bikers all the time, is the frequent Hasid jokes. It gives me the chance to say HASIDIM BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE 'EM, and people know what I'm talking about.

I like that joke because it rhymes.

Secondly, wednesday weed.

Is your brain broken? Orthodox rabbi with a funny name, proclaims the sticky icky is kosher, and you don't see how this relates to BSNYC?!?!?!?

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

For the umpteenth time, CJ, just get your own blog and do your tired shtick over there. Except there will be nobody reading you, so you come to wind us up over here...
It's not just the Jewish stuff, there is a whole lot of nasty misogyny (I know, it's a tautology) in the stuff you spew out.

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, eloquence escapes me, so just go fuck yourself.

wild Kingdom said...

Does the irony of someone who calls himself "ChamoisJuice" making fun of somebody else's name escape you entirely?

If you can't understand how making fun of a Rabbi's name is antisemitic, then you are as dumb as a bag of hammers.

Maybe you can tell us some jokes about how big Laquesha,s butt is, because, hey, that's not racist because it's funny, and besides, you once met a few black people.

Anonymous said...

SPF30 are the future to the bracket bottoms.

McFly said...

My badae. Yeah I bet the farm girls sleep head to toe. Or face to vag.

Bike Tinker said...

Mikeweb... You got 1:21 into that first video? Dang. One minute more than I did. It got really good at the end, and I missed out, right?
No, no, don't tell me...

Johnny Terrio said...

cj, if you can't believe this, you're dumber than cotton: it's anti-Semitic if a Jewish person says it is. Period. Capiche? Don't make me smack you.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

wishiwasmerckx,

ChamoisDiarrhea has got you where he wants you. if we all ignore him, either he'll go away, or else he just remains the nuisance that he is... period.

leroy said...

What I learned yesterday: turkey buzzards preparing to picnic on road kill are a tough crowd. My dog introduced himself saying "Hello, I'm Chad and I'll be your server this evening. Can I get anyone a beverage to start?" They just gave him a blank stare. Maybe they knew his name isn't Chad.

What I learned (again) today: in South Georgia, you can ride in the rain and not get cold.

What I should have learned a month ago: there are folks who will pay you to go on vacation for them.

Is this a great country or what?

campbell fdy said...

whats up with all the no jew/ pro jew shit? that dickhead cj's comment didnt seem anymore interesting or fall more flat comedically then than the rest of the usual 'commentariat' mulllahs ok here it is: the hasidim are shitty drivers. is that comedy or anti-Semitism? its a stereotype but its true

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

Shut up, idiot. You suck.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Matt said...

I watched the Lawrence Arabia video but it stopped about halfway through. I think the Internet got bored.

msolda 284

Dich tieng trung quoc said...

Maybe you can tell us some jokes about how big Laquesha,s butt is, because, hey, that's not racist because it's funny, and besides, you once met a few black people.Thanks

latest Bike said...

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leroy said...

is it just me or does anyone else envision purgatory as being stuck in a conference room at the BWI Airport Marriott with motivational speaker Dana Michelle Williams?

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

That does seem pretty unbearable. Maybe stuck in a cab in traffic with cj sitting next to you would be a close runner-up. I mean at least the motivational speaker wants you to be happy, no?

JB said...

Please don't feed the trolls.

JB said...

You too, Snobby ;^)

wishiwasmerckxisafookinidiot said...

HOTT NTOT

Baartman was exhibited first in London, entertaining people because of her "exotic" origin[8] and by showing what were thought of as highly unusual bodily features. She had large buttocks (steatopygia) and also the elongated labia of some Khoisan women. To quote historian of science Stephen Jay Gould, "The labia minora, or inner lips, of the ordinary female genitalia are greatly enlarged in Khoi-San women, and may hang down three or four inches below the vulva when women stand, thus giving the impression of a separate and enveloping curtain of skin".

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BamaPhred said...

I had no idea road kill could generate so commentary. Me, I'm sick of it. Can't ride a mile without dodging something squished, flattend, pancaked, swollen, or smelly. It's carnage out here. Man, if someone wants to debunk evolution, start with the genetic theory of squirrels getting run over by cars, or the hoofed rats still not knowing that cars are the ultimate predator. UUGGHH.

Anonymous said...

It's the next day and I just noticed the face of the bus driver. Look at it -- it's The Face of Shame.

Anonymous said...

anti-Semitic? I've lots of Arab friends.

ChamoisJuice said...

COOL BIKE
DUMB BIKE


I am so confused. I didn't make fun of Rabbi Efraim Zalmanovich's name, I simply said it is a funny name?

Say it 10 times in rapid succession and tell me you don't crack a smile.
ZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovichZalmanovich

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