Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Hurry Up And Wednesday Already!

OK, so I have some important stuff to deal with today (waxing appointment) but I do want to take a few moments to share what I've learned from the New York Times's recent piece about "bicycle style" in Portland:



Firstly, I learned that Portland is all about the "hipster chic," and this woman in particular has a whole "flirtygirly" thing going on:


She also bought a bike specifically for this interview:


"The bike culture in Portland is impressive and admittedly I haven't been a part of it until approximately 30 minutes ago when I purchased this lovely bike."

I have no doubt the Portland bike culture will accept her with open arms, because they're very inclusive--just as long as you're not Asian.

Next, I learned that these people are idiots:


And that this guy got his bike stolen a bunch of times:


You have to be pretty hapless to get your bike stolen even once in Portland, let alone multiple times.  I know because I've been there.  The bike rack in front of the Whole Foods was filled with Rivendells secured by flimsy cable locks.  People "lock" their custom whatevers with their helment straps while they get coffee.  All of these people find their bikes still waiting for them when they return.  I brought my own lock from home, and when I'd use it passers-by would stare in amazement and ask questions about it.  An actual lock was clearly something exotic and mysterious to them--like an Asian person riding a bicycle.

So the best I can figure is that this guy is actually taping a "Take Me" sign to his bicycle.

Yet another thing I learned is that the dream of the '90s really is alive in Portland, just like they say in the "Portlandia" theme song:


Wasn't she in Babes In Toyland?

Oh, also, have you noticed that the dainty-handwritten-phrase-along-the-forearm tattoo is the new knuckle tattoo?


If you haven't, you're going to start noticing it now.

But most importantly, I learned that this guy likes to dress in "themes:"



"I like to dress in themes.  So right now this is my Portland-I'm-On-My-Bike-I've-Got-My-Bike-Bag-Going-To-Get-Coffee theme."

This is remarkable, because the Portland-I'm-On-My-Bike-I've-Got-My-Bike-Bag-Going-To-Get-Coffee Theme is identical to the I'm-A-Suburban-Mall-Rat-And-I'm-Waiting-For-My-Mom-To-Come-Pick-Me-Up-In-The-Food-Court Theme:


(I'll bet you $18 this guy doesn't own a bike.)

Oh, and colorful socks on men are apparently a "thing" now, at least according to people who have lived in multiple states:


"This is my fifth state that I've lived in?  So, I take a little bit from Virginia, I take a little bit from Florida, I take a little bit from South Carolina, a little bit from North Carolina, and some from Oregon as well."

That is a seriously uncool list of states.

But then again, as he says, "Bringing a lot of culture into Portland is what makes it so great:"


If this is indicative of the quality of Portland's cultural imports, that would certainly explain a lot. 

152 comments:

ChamoisJuice said...

Smoke weed everyday

Pablo Fleece said...

Oh Yeah! Wax me too!

Jasper said...

Early doors

ChamoisJuice said...

Bleach & wax! You're worth it!

RoadQueen said...

Uh-oh...Guess what day it is...?!

Jasper said...

Early doors

JB said...

Doping day.

DOPN DAY.

MLE said...

SQUEE BIMBS!
TOP TEEN!

Euro Spondee said...

The demise of the knuckle tat could have terrible repercussions on the comments board

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten on an early-ish post.

Anonymous said...

Bonjour!

RoadQueen said...

If knuck-tats really do become a thing of the past, that just means that we can go 'retro'.

Retro is always in.

wishiwasmerckx said...

That "imperfect" blonde was hot, but I hate to tell her that there is no such thing as a "masculine bracelet."

MLE said...

A good hipster friend of mine just returned from a short vaycay in Portland and was happy to report it is no longer cool.


What is going to be the new cool place?

Anonymous said...

"This is my fifth state that I've lived in? So, I take a little bit from Virginia, I take a little bit from Florida, I take a little bit from South Carolina, a little bit from North Carolina, and some from Oregon as well."

Where's his fucking Detroit Tigers cap from, then? Portland?

Anonymous said...

dear doofi on the podium:

please get a life, so i can get on the podium. i can't get on the podium because i have a life. Q.E.D.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Watching that video did make me want to go to Pok Pok and have some drinking vinegar, though.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BTW, if you want some truly high quality but ridiculously overpriced country gentleman-style menswear, that video was shot directly across the street from Filson's.

Anonymous said...

Yeah Cleveland! Top 20???

Wendell Fogmaster said...

Calling bullshit, NY Times! Ain't no colored in Portland.

ge said...

He should have used his mime bike lock. Then, when the legendary bike thief of Portland saw him pretending to lock his bike, he would have moved on to another happless victim. It's that easy.

Jimboner said...

Snobby, please try harder tomorrow.

Wrecked said...

beat babble to the beach.

leroy said...

I've lived in the states of delusion, denial, and grace.

None affected my curation of hosiery.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about you, but my life revolves around the comments section of this blog. Granted,I lost my job constantly checking for the next post... but it was worth it. PODIUM! TOP TEN! SCRANUS! WEED!

crosspalms said...

Not a word about flesh hooks? Can't be the real Portland.

Anyway, I like to wear colorful socks as an accent too. I usually braid 20 or 30 of them together and toss them insouciantly over one shoulder.

DerZoots said...

I feeel this posting was very Wednesday.
I'm ok with that.
All is normal.
Mostly.

I need a new job.

Robot barrier to conversationing: 43aCnsecu

Babble is a Babe in Beachland said...

She was in Babes in Toyland, the stark buck naked road show version. The toys being the kind you can only get in Adult Gifts stores.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Jimboner,

You too.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Freddy Murcks said...

Today's post seems a little bit perfunctory or, to use another word that CJ will almost certainly need to look up, desultory. I am guessing that Snob was looking forward to settling in for a relaxing day with the Wednesday weed and he just couldn't be bothered to motivate beyond the Style section of the NYT.

62 albuffo

Anonymous said...

Florida uncool? It fuckin' blazing hot!

McFly said...

Is Eric Cruse ironically black or legitimately black?

I lol'd at mall rat. I think he said I have taken some from organ.

crosspalms said...

DerZoots,
I hear you. I think yesterday was Soviet Russia day at my place -- in Soviet Russia, job does YOU.

owsnify

Comment deleted said...

Speaking of uncool states, I've been using the "Nebraska: a pretty girl behind every tree" line a few times since it appeared here a few weeks ago in the comments. Thanks, whoever said that.

My humor is nothing if not derivative.

Focus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dave - everywhere said...

Snob - your estwhile employer - "Bitchycling" had a great article about over-priced, trendy bike duds this month. Were you one of the models? Did you get any swag? If I don't look like I play the banjo for Mumford & Son, does that mean I'm not a biker anymore?

Anonymous said...

Hitting a cyclist is not a crime, even in Wisconsin:
http://theactivepursuit.com/friends-angered-by-plea-agreement-in-crash-that-killed-tammy-gass/

DB said...

Yesterday was fun. Thanks everyone.
Snob: Versaces house in South Beach is only 25 million and no gravel driveway, so you'd save a little money by not having to buy a new bike.

Comment deleted said...

Also, I exist in an uncool state pretty much all the time.

babble on said...

Wax on, Wax ouch.

Anonymous said...

man really somehow those consumerwhore make me agressive. what a bunch of douches and douchesttestestt...

Peter Sagan's beard said...

What a cop-out, an entire (short) post about one stupid New York Times video piece on douchelandia. Where's my riveting story arc, my half an hours worth of afternoon reading material? Oh btw, I'm the guy at the end of the video.

ChamoisJuice said...

Tough talk for a guy that can't speel Freddie or Merckx,

Believe it or not, I am far enough removed from the NYC Cat 6 race of life, that I don't find the need to prove I am BETTER or SMARTER than others because of an idiosyncratic vocabulary. Haven't you read any Howard Gardner??

I swear, some people like using obscure words, not because they are more descriptive or accurate, but rather because it gives them a sense of superiority that the masses don't even know what what they are on about. In my mind, an intelligent person can express their point persuasively to a wide audience.

Go memorize some useless 3 letter words to prove you a better person in scrabble.





Anonymous said...

Funny, I'm wearing my 'Appearing to work and getting paid for it" theme.

Spokey said...

Perfect Wendysday post zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

so back to yesteryear.

I think I'll be going past an ice cream store today. What bike is appropriate to preserve my miserable useless existence?

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, thoughts are made of words, and there is an academically established correlation between vocabulary, intelligence and income.

Like almost everything else you post, you are full of ejectamenta.

Anonymous said...

I mistook the "...I'm-going-to-get-coffee" theme for "I'm-underemployed-and-have-too-much-free-time-on-my-hand-so-spend-an-inordinate-amount-of-time-on-ridiculously-contrived-outfits" theme

Freddy Murcks said...

wishiwasmerckx - And we still don't know whether CJ had to look them up. I am guessing he might not even know how to pronounce perfunctory or desultory. much less know their definitions.

And, CJ, it's not some Cat6 spirit of word competition that led me to choose perfunctory and desultory to describe today's post. Sometimes there is a perfect word (or, in this case, two words) to describe something. Or, to put it another way, why use a bunch of words when you can say one word and convey exactly the meaning that you want? It called economy of language. English is generally regarded as one of the best languages in this sense.

esortend 24

ChamoisJuice said...

Believe it or not, I got a 770 on the sat verbal. Out of 100 college bound people, the SAT's say I'm smartest, well at least at words, math, reasoning. WHICH IS CLEARLY BUNCH OF BULLSHIT because I have crippled emotional intelligence and zero ability to empathize with others. My father was extremely pissed off that "I beat him", and challenged me to a series of chess matches.

Granted, I did spend several years intentionally killing brain cells. I have a theory intelligent people are less happy than simpler people. Plus head injuries.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC, I saw in the editors letter section that you monthly Bicycling column will now only "exclusively" be available on the IPad version and not in the actual print magazine. I don't care for that. Just thought I would share that with you.

ChamoisJuice said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_multiple_intelligences

Comment deleted said...

CJ, you are one interesting cat, in a sick sort of way. You seem to recognize that you suck at being around people, but still want to be around people.

Are you completely unable to control the asshole part of you? Because clearly, you have something to contribute here, if you could just stop being such a douchebag.

Anonymous said...

It's a rare beautiful day this summer in nyc which probably accounts for today's brief post. I wouldn't have even bothered and would have just cut and pasted some wikipedia shit ala CJ. Wildcat, I hope you're currently enjoying a good ride while the rest of us schmucks stuck in in our veal fattening pens.

Anonymous said...

Chamois Juice: all the men want to be him and all the ladies want to be with him. Am I right ladies?...ladies???

Anonymous said...

Ima bang more my gavel bike, make rulings.
KNUK TATT

McFly said...

I really enjoyed the abbreviated read. My favorite part of the Portland piece was imagining what sort of slutty activities Mallory Savery would be up for after 7 or 8 PBR's.

Freddy Murcks said...

CJ suffers from some sort of tourette's, clearly - not that it in any way excuses him for being a dickhead and for suffering from chronic diarrhea of the keyboard. What's more, he's perfectly willing to dish it out, but he is COMPLETELY incapable of taking it. And he is a complete fucking asshole to boot. I think that about sums up his personality problems.

lliosqu 349

balls™ said...

I currently hang my balls in the great State of North Carolina and I whole heartedly agree... this is one seriously uncool state.

Last night, Whitesnake played here. What more proof do you need?

mikeweb said...

Returned from my pleasant lunchtime Central Park pedaling jaunt today to find a fresh from the LBS Bianchi Pista locked to my work building's bike rack bearing what I thought was a brand new Garmin Edge 510. So I left a friendly note suggesting that the owner unclip it and take it with them when they lock up. I just researched Garmin devices and it turns out that it's only an Edge 200.

So whether we're talking $320 or $130, I guess trusting everyone in midtown not to walk away with the expensive GPS device that you're using for your commute(!) is an indication that A.) The economy is doing so well that $130 is considered 'throw away' money, or B.) that this person has lived in New York for less than 6 months.

Regular guy said...

I like how they only interview people with creative, supposedly with-it livelihoods. I bet everyone on that pedalpub were mere office workers and janitors.

By the way, I only undress in themes. No theme and I just keep my clothes on.

babble on said...

Your waxing appointment left a waning number of words in its wake.

Try not to scream when they rip the wax off your scranus, mkay?

JB said...

mikeweb: I think I would have taken the Garmin and left a note on how to get it back. "I noticed you forgot to remove your GPS..."

g. said...

Get the Male Porn Star wax or as the late, great Christopher Hitchens once called it, "The Back, Sack and Crack".

Jello Biafra said...

My uncool niece lives in an uncool state.

JB said...

McFly: don't worry, she's up for it.

crosspalms said...

Mikeweb,
I use GPS to find the gravel. It's almost always in the same place, but you can't be too careful. One time I wound up on asphalt instead. I still get the shivers thinking about it.

ken e. said...

"Also, I exist in an uncool state pretty much all the time." this is my new mantra, thanks CD!

RoadQueen said...

"Anonymous said...
Chamois Juice: all the men want to be him and all the ladies want to be with him. Am I right ladies?...ladies???

JULY 31, 2013 AT 1:14 PM"
_____________________________________

*crickets*

P. Bateman said...

i'm sorry? Florida uncool? you mean this flat place that is warm, has and ocean and a gulf, is surprisingly bike friendly and is covered in skinny tan outdoorsy surfer type chicks that are kind of into having fun and don't seem to have absurd expectations of guys?

yeah, super uncool.

sir, the FL lifestyle is a Premium Lifestyle.

Particle Man said...

Has anyone seen my granule bike? I know its around here somewhere.

Crickets said...

RoadQueen, we'd rather not be associated with CJ. Please leave us out of it.

Thanks.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Wildcat Rock Machine --

Allow me to protest in the strongest possible terms Bicycling Magazine's decision to publish your column solely in its Ipad edition.

Have the editors given no thought whatsoever to the deleterious consequences of dog paws on touch screens?

I can only conclude that this is sn ill-advised ploy to secure your eligibility in an obscure Pulitzer category thereby goading Ms. Rabinowitz's resignation from any club that would have her and you as members.

Harrummph, indeed.

DerZoots said...

@P.Bateman
If premium lifestyle = no elevation gain then yes uncool in a bicycle sense.

Also too many oldfolks with poor driving abilities. Railtrail purgatory.

Robot barrier: 35orkshrow

Anonymous said...

Yo CJ what does you "beating your dad" have to do with SAT's or chess?

You should report him to child services.

Regular guy said...

I've only been to the Miami airport, but that was cool. Don't know about the rest of the state though.

In other news, I just took an online test that stated that I am very likely an Aspie.

Is that good?

g. said...

Regular guy,
It depends if the accidentally left out an "s" or not.

Anonymous said...

What sort of character flaw do I have, that after watching that video I hate people? Those people in particular but also anyone like them.

Urrrrgh. HATE!

Okay, I feel better now.

mikeweb said...

If 'Cougar Town' was really an accurate portrayal of the FL 'Premium lifestyle', I might consider imbibing of that heady brew.

Actually, I take that back. The female characters are stupid and whiney, the male ones are just stupid and they all need to get the fuck over themselves.

That last part goes for the Portland bicycle fashion douches too.

Regular guy said...

Thanks, g. that's helpful.

Now, is an ass pie another term for pile of poop? If so, why would there be a test to determine that? If it looks like a pile of poop, smells like a pile of poop, then it most likely is one.

the Commentariat said...

CJ, Howard Gardner? No idea who that is.

If you want to write better, may I suggest Bryan Garner instead?

http://www.lawprose.org/blog/

wishiwasmerckx said...

Qoute of the day, courtesy of PoWM:

I remember growing up as a young man you’d basically sell your soul to the devil to get a peek at some girl’s panties….now, not so much.

Anonymous said...

You guys arguing about big words - Are you posting comments online or is this a conversation while facing each other in a circle jerk? Because if you guys are in a jerk contest you might want to tone it down with the vocabulary, I'd really hate for you to loose a boner while trying to top each other.

wishiwasmerckx said...

So it is impossible to engage in erudite aural intercourse whilst concurrently engaged in autoeroticism?

crosspalms said...

Particle man,
I think I saw it parked next to a granola bike in Portland.

Comment deleted said...

wiwm, The Sons of Onan, local #315 chapter of Knights of the Clammy Fist, have no official position on that question.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Inexecutable? Unobtainable?

Roille Figners said...

Oh ma lawd, the goddamn pub bike rolls past my office several times a day and all them id-yits all go WOOOOOOOOO and all the id-yits sittin outside the hipster bar on the corner all go WOOOOOOO in mutual self-congratulation when they all catch sight of each other. SAD.

Not as sad as the way the NYT keeps having to give Portland these little blowjobs though, even though nobody here is really, like, doing anything in particular? Oh you wear clothes and stuff... Great news!

Can't bring myself to watch the video though, because I know I'll have permanent strabismus from rolling my eyes so ferociously. Plus I'm AT MY JOB and wearing a cotton button-down shirt from K-MART, that's right motherfuckers, K-MART, which by the way has served me well for years, whether I was charming the pants off a hottress or attending your hairy-ass grandmother's funeral. (Only difference is whether you iron it or not.) Anyway one of these days the NYT will do a "people doing their goddamn jobs in a perfectly adequate K-Mart shirt" piece and I'll be interviewed for that shit and I'll talk about how this is my "I just want to cover my body to the minimum extent required by law, social convention and my employer's dress code" theme.

McFly -- You know what that is with the "organ?" He's trying suuuuuuper hard to say it the way the locals say it, after spending 21 of his 22 years (or however many) saying it the way they say it in all those states he used to be in. Which I'm pretty sure is "OR-a-gawn."

Fave quote of the day: "sir, the FL lifestyle is a Premium Lifestyle."

CommieCanuck said...


This is remarkable, because the Portland-I'm-On-My-Bike-I've-Got-My-Bike-Bag-Going-To-Get-Coffee Theme is identical to the I'm-A-Suburban-Mall-Rat-And-I'm-Waiting-For-My-Mom-To-Come-Pick-Me-Up-In-The-Food-Court Theme


uh, no, the bag strap goes across the opposite shoulder.

CommieCanuck said...

So, I take a little bit from Virginia, I take a little bit from Florida, I take a little bit from South Carolina, a little bit from North Carolina, and some from Oregon as well.

So he sleeps with his sister while wearing a loaded gun and having a smoke, under a big tree.

Concealed handguns are now legal in children's parks in NC. Finally. That can only end well.

CommieCanuck said...

You know what that is with the "organ?" He's trying suuuuuuper hard to say it the way the locals say it, after spending 21 of his 22 years (or however many) saying it the way they say it in all those states he used to be in. Which I'm pretty sure is "OR-a-gawn."

Is there an Athol in Oregon?

CommieCanuck said...

Are you posting comments online or is this a conversation while facing each other in a circle jerk? Because if you guys are in a jerk contest you might want to tone it down with the vocabulary, I'd really hate for you to loose a boner while trying to top each other.

U R Fucking Idiot.
Tonight we make bike.
Use small words like "Fox News".

Anonymous said...

Bab Bab always skips Portland and heads West on 10 straight to Beaverton.

balls™ said...

It's not just playgrounds. With my state declaring it's perfectly acceptable to bring your gun into a bar, I'm actually beginning to wonder if the NRA is just a well-conceived front-group promoting population control.

crosspalms said...

Commie,
Speaking of Fox News...

ge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ge said...

Babs, you're so amusingly out of character today. I'm afraid to ask ... no I'm not. Prescription or non?



babble on said...

Mmm-hmmmmm. Yup, that's right. Thirsty beaverton.

Anonymous said...

There might be an ore-gan in his Athol at times, I suspect.

gravgam 55, that could be slang for having the legs for a 55 mile gravel ride.

ge said...

Gotta get one of them Gravel Positioning Systems for my gravelly gravelling cycling bi-cycles.

Roomba test: sestsac

Flyover Bike Commuter said...

Balls,

Is that Virginny or NEW Mexico?

Comment deleted said...

Cth.

Devlin McGrabbin said...

I want my money back.

streepo said...

imperfect scanusus (scranii?) are beautiful.




287 keengss

babble on said...

If someone has all of the character flaws, does being out of character imply that they are being very good, or very bad...?

Just wonderin'...

My naturopath prescribed a tincture of California poppy after he injected a few of my nerves and joints with his own special brand of pain.

Is that prescription, or non?

Dooth said...

No-theme-theme.

CommieCanuck said...

I'm sure the Mensa club at Fox concluded, "it means black people make the best biscuits".

CommieCanuck said...

...a tincture of California poppy

Yeah, we call that smack here.

babble on said...

Yeah, if only it were half as effective. This is the homeopathic edition opiate. It's primary constituent is alcohol, but as it's taken by the teaspoon, it doesn't even qualify as Dutch courage.

babble on said...

Maybe the suggestion of poppy flower is supposed to stimulate your brain's own pain relieving chemicals...?

Comment deleted said...

I think the homoerotic edition tincture is much more effective.

(It would have to be).

Regular guy said...

Speaking as someone with character flaws galore, being out of character would be in the eye of the beholder as to whether it was good or bad.

What I consider my worst character flaws are relieved somewhat by various tinctures and herbs. Is that good? My mom would probably say no.

Freddy Murcks said...

California poppies are not the opiate producing kind. It's the oriental poppies that produce the opium. California poppies are distinguished for being pretty, like Babble.

4 inomici

pjt said...

It's primary onstituent is alcohol. A shot of Babble brand red wine, $6.99 at Trader Joe's in San Diego?

crosspalms said...

Commie,
It figures Fox would hire Paula Deen. Don't know how she made the Mensa club, though.

babble on said...

I could do with a whole bottle of babble at the moment, because this poppy tincture is absolute poppycock.

babble on said...

...relieved through various tinctures and herbs...

do you mean happy living through chemical intervention? I think most of us do that to some extent, don't we? It starts with sugar when you're a baby and develops from there.

captcha:
1 stontype
I kid you not.

Anonymous said...

OHHH BABS
CCTR FLAW
POPY COCK
HOTT MILF

Regular guy said...

Well, I do like good food. Add a beer or glass of wine and it gets better. Haven't had any stronger herbs, plants or fungi in some time, but symptoms were alleviated.

Funny, but coffee has the opposite effect. Turns me into a complete wacko.

Anonymous said...

No, you're an idiot...

Anonymous said...

Howard Earl Gardner (born July 11, 1943) is an American developmental psychologist who is the John H. and Elisabeth A. Hobbs Professor of Cognition and Education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education at Harvard University, Senior Director of Harvard Project Zero and author of over twenty books translated into thirty languages. Since 1995, he has been the co-director of the GoodWork Project. He is best known for his theory of multiple intelligences, as outlined in his book Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences (1983).

Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences states not only do human beings have several different ways of learning and processing information, but these methods are relatively independent of one another: leading to multiple "intelligences" as opposed to a general intelligence factor among correlated abilities."

Dooder is interesting. If I could force people to read 3 books, they would be:
Frames of Mind: Theory of Multiple Intelligences. Gardner

Guns, Germs, Steel, Jared Diamond

A History of God, Karen Armstrong.

Vegas said...

120 Comments! Now I've forgotten what Snobbie wrote about. Oh, yeah...

F-AR MTAT
KNKL HEAD
PORT LAND
O-RE GONE

Regular guy said...

Apparently anonymous @ 5:35 is saying that no one is an idiot, we all just have different ways of learning and processing information. Some more usefully than others, perhaps. So anonymous @5:27, I would say you are incorrect in your assessment, however, I will defer to Leroy's dog for the definitive conclusion.

Hero in the palace said...

No I'm actually black and the first time it was stolen was because it was stripped after I spent a shit ton of money on it. I live a few blocks from there where your shit gets stolen. It gets stolen because people racially profile white neighborhoods and think they are "safe" or you won't get shit "stolen". So.... of course meth addicts will take your bike.

Fnarf said...

What's really stupid about those 16-person beer-themed party bikes is that YOU CAN'T DRINK ON THEM. No open containers in the state of Oregon (or Washington either). So you ride around aimlessly for a while, and then go into a brew pub. It's like a tavern with a $95 cover charge. In Amsterdam and London, you can at least get tanked up while you ride.

Roille Figners said...

GOOD FOOD
BEER WINE

Roille Figners said...

PUBB BIKE
GOTO HECK

Anonymous said...

Naturopath, Homeoapath, etc.

Babble, seeing as how I am exactly as medically qualified as those people here is my Rx.

A) Ride your bike
B) Ice anything that hurts
C) Drink adult beverages

BMXican said...

Fumar mota cada dia

Hero in the palace said...

Hi, this is Eric Cruse, yes my bike was stolen. Because people racially profile white neighborhoods assuming they are places where your shit won't get stolen. So it's a perfect place for people to get away with theft. As far as mall rat's punk ass little comment. I am African American. There is no irony to that. What is ironic is the fact that comment wasn't really that funny. Schnarff schnarff

knicksdefense said...

Bike snob keep it up you're the only one that can make me laugh. you and louis ck. love your work.

Prole Bike Threat said...

Naturopath? Homeopath? Bike path!

Anonymous said...

Gravelpath

Regular guy said...

Stick with things that have only four words in their name and you can't go wrong.

Regular guy said...

Uh, I meant letters. (Idiot!)

Anonymous said...

Crusty twat lips.

ken e. said...

OFFD AHHH
BYTN PATH

BamaPhred said...

Portland style. No real comment, don't care. Do these people get any sun at all?
But the Commentarati are interesting, as usual.
GRVL BIKE

ge said...

Oh Babs, didn't your mother tell you? Different is never good. But then good isn't necessarily fun. All I'm saying is I'm easily amused today of the non-prescription variety.

Roomba says: riculbu 26 - what's with all the riculbu?

jayteepee said...

Well that's it. After that repugnant NYT article, I'm giving up my Portland hipster lifestyle. I'm off to Florida to fulfill my longtime dream - Strava KOM!

Anonymous said...

Sheit Snob, no need for a Gravel Bike for your Hampton Mansion... all you need is a Bubble Wrap Bike!

Tosh said...

I'm South American American. How's that for irony?

Anonymous said...

Schnarff?

Is that portlandese for scranus?

ge said...

A dark day for dentists everywhere


scpervi 51

Anonymous said...

Great writing

Angie Kritenbrink said...

Oh boy.

Anonymous said...

I'm scranally tainted by all this.

McFly said...

Sorry Eric. My joke was in bad taste. Unfortunately my tackiness is legitimate and not ironic. I will work on it. Until then....titties.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Anon 5:35 PM --

If I could force people to read any three books, I wouldn't.

It's kind of like coercing faith.

Unless you're Oprah.

(And if you see CJ, tell him the SAT folks called. They say the student loan crisis is bad enough without having to include folks who borrow SAT points with no prospects for repayment.)

McFly said...

.......Because people racially profile white neighborhoods............

That is the most concise definition of irony to date IMO.

Anonymous said...

What, nothing about Serotta going out of business

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