Friday, July 26, 2013

BSNYC Friday Pair Of Dirty Cycling Shorts You Put In A Plastic Bag And Then Forgot To Unpack For Two Weeks!

Well, it had to happen sooner or later.

I'm going to Australia next month:


I don't know if you knew this, but Australia's pretty far from the United States, so I'm a little daunted by the trip--especially considering I'll be flying there by generic zeppelin:


("Oh, the humanity--but oh, the legroom!")

This is the sort of thing I wish they'd taught us in school, but sadly I went to school in America, and in social studies we covered Australia entirely by watching the movie "Young Einstein" starring Yahoo Serious:


On the plus side, I totally "aced" physics class, which we also covered entirely by watching "Young Einstein" starring Yahoo Serious, a movie I knew quite well by that point because I'd seen it already in social studies.

That's what we call a "holistic education" in this country.

And now, because I have a flight to catch*, let's get right to the quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll be happy, and if you're wrong you'll see your tax dollars at work.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and always wear your helment while zeppelining.


--Wildcat Rock Machine

*In about 30 days.




(Frozen urine holds pro cycling's most tantalizing secrets.)

1) Which of these riders is not on the list of 1998 EPO positives recently released by the French Senate?

--Bo Hamburger
--Eddy Mazzoleni
--Kevin Livingston
--Vas Deferens






("Rock-a-bye scranus, on the seatpost...")

2) This is called:

--The "Swinger"
--The "Namo"
--The "Swango"
--The "Perineum Pendulum"







3) Black lights are the new EPO:

--True
--False






4) Anthony Weiner's "sexting" alias was:

--"Carlos Danger"
--"Wankenstein's Monster"
--"Djamolidine Ab-do-jerk-me-off"
--"Eliot Spitzer"







("All You Haters Finger My Octalink")

5) What's a "POC Octal?"

--A new helment
--A new saddle
--A new bottom bracket interface
--A new Anthony Weiner "sexting" alias






("What the hell is this stuff?!?  I better buy a new bike!")

6) Time to sell that "monstercross" bike!  The bicycle industry now wants you to have a special bike just for riding on gravel.

--True
--False








7) Fill in the blank:

Older Sexy Guy on Orange Bike - w4m - 33 (Lefferts Garden)

Hey! I see you all the time. You are a super sexy man, I keep wanting to talk to you. You seem to be into BBW's. Tell me the names of the the dogs you walk and ___________________________________ so I know it's you. Here's Hoping.

--"what breeds they are"
--"which one can ride a bicycle
--"where one of them goes pee everytime"
--"which one has the biggest schvontz"




***Special "No, British Engineering Is Not An Oxymoron"-Themed Bonus Video***



Experiments in Speed from SpindleProductions on Vimeo.

91 comments:

Kai Vallon said...

Nailed it

Josh Buehner said...

WINNAR!

Anonymous said...

2 in a row

Anonymous said...

Podio odio um

Tom said...

Scrantacular

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Friday.

3G said...

DO NOT THAW UNTIL 2042

etherhuffer said...

woo hoo speed!

balls™ said...

No strap-ons today, please?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I'm digging that zodiac lovers black light poster.

"Eliot Spitzer"

Gold snobby, gold.

Have a good weekend. Watch out for ghosts and devil worshipers on your bike ride down at the park.

ChamoisJuice said...

Team Hugh Jass > you

Marcel Da Chump said...

Fred Zeppelin

McFly said...

As for Non-plussed Bib Shorts Guy......calm down ladies....the line forms to the left.

Anonymous said...

The Writer's Festival blub says BSNYC "...both celebrated and skewered the world of cycling..."

"Skewered" yes but I must have miss the "celebrated" post. Maybe they ment to say "complained about".

Freddy Murcks said...

Well hello there, Miss Here's Hoping. I am sexy older gentleman with an orange colored head. Will I do?

18 indingre

Anonymous said...

I used to use "Vas Deferens" as a screen name to piss off aussies on mtb chat rooms in the middle of the night.
That's not a knife!
Also "Urethra Franklin"

leroy said...

Well this is typical.

The only question I got wrong was the woman in Brooklyn looking for the older gentleman with the dog.

Ride safe all.

And note where your dog pees.

Anonymous said...

I haven't seen that Zodiac Lover's poster since about 1973. Is is it hip again?

McFly said...

I approve of all of the sex positions except Aquarius and Libra.

That shit looks wack. They could have just as easily included a BJ and a vajayjay feast if they had run out of options.

Buffalo Bill said...

That was one hot zephyr.

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

80 mph.
Impressive.

Anonymous said...

Man, I can piss.

Roille Figners said...

Woo hoo hoo hoo!

RoadQueen said...

TGIF!!!

It's supposed to rain Saturday. FML.

Still glad I won't be working.

Freddy Murcks said...

I like Pisces and Taurus quite a lot.

17 dmepti

DerZoots said...

Hours late and still in the top 30?
Yall be on early weekends and shit.
Office folk has it easy.

robot stop light: 6tdevern

wishiwasmerckx said...

Severing it will make a vast difference in your ability to conceive a child.

wishiwasmerckx said...

So Bo Hamburger got caught, but less publicized were the positives of two lesser-known riders, Frenchman Pomfritz Fries and Spaniard Rui Coca Costa Cola. It was a regular Happy Meal clusterfuck, I'll tell you...

Anonymous said...

Today, not only did I learn what gravel is, but I learned that it is legitimate to ask what defines a gravel road race bike.

Thank you for the information!

Jed said...

I read some of the "sexts" weiner wrote. I can't believe this guy can still show his face in public, let alone sell his ticket. And his wife still stands beside him? What planet are these people from?

Missy Giove said...

TALE NTED

Anonymous said...

http://www.hulu.com/watch/514797

Roille Figners said...

Is that who the feral Untermeyer Park rock band was, Generic Zeppelin?

Anonymous said...

Wow, dude can ride in the slipstream of a beat up Zephyr 6. I'm impressed but he ain't no John Howard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py94okBKDU0

RoadQueen said...

Missy Giove - I don't even know what to say to that.

That doesn't even seem physically possible. But what do I know.

Roille Figners said...

Blearrn blearrn denalownt

Doonalent, doonalent barnt-de doont-da blearrn blearrn denaleownt...

Roille Figners said...

Blearrn blearrn denalownt

Doonalent, doonalent barnt-de doont-da blearrn blearrn denaleownt...

McFly said...

I did the vasectomy. Best $1600 I ever did spent.

BSNYC I just want to clarify...are the Australianeseites expecting bib-shorts guy when you will be arriving instead? You should totally dress like him that day. It would be a real hoot. A knee slapper. They will be drunk on Fosters anyway.

McFly said...

And for the record my vasectomy was NOT court mandated.

Freddy Murcks said...

McFly - I am pretty certain that the only that Aussies drink Foster's are grade schoolers. It's shit beer and it's not for adults.

csrson 95

Anonymous said...

About Missy Giove;
Back before most of your were born I was in the Navy, and when we pulled into San Deigo and got shore leave, all us saliors would head south to Tijuana. They had these shows there where weoman would smoke cigarettes and cigars. Amoung other things (I left when they brought in the...)

Roille Figners said...

...big guns

Roille Figners said...

...hard stuff

Roille Figners said...

...ass-monkeys

Anonymous said...

I used to drive a capri. Loved it. Doubt it would do 100.

Mr Plow said...

Snob. As I am sure you know Australia is home to the most deadly animals in the world. Wear a helment and Kevlar body suit at all times and bring shark repellent.

crosspalms said...

Things at that writers festival I'd attend in addition to Snob's shows ($40 to ride along? Oh, that's $40 AUSTRALIAN...):

--Ned Kelly's skeleton was finally identified in 2013, yet the whereabouts of the head, once protected by that famous helmet, remains a mystery. Historian Jill Dimond shares her theory of the missing skull with Overland editor Jeff Sparrow and cultural historian Helen MacDonald.
HELMET!!

--Wisecracking Canadian comic Ophira Eisenberg has spent most of her life saying yes - to everything and everyone. From her first kiss to saying 'I do,' Ophira talks frankly with Helen Razer about sex, relationships and the ins and outs of putting your love life on public display - one promiscuous encounter at a time.
BABBLE!!

You're in some tony company there, Snob -- nicely done!

ChamoisJuice said...

I saw a Ping Pong show in Bangkok. Highly suggested.

The young lady:
-smoked cigs with her vag
-put a baker's dozen ping pong balls up there, shot them all over the room
-used a blowgun with her hootinanny, popped balloons over customers heads.
-put a banana up there, shot it out without the peel

I was impressed.

James Bond said...

PING PONG

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, yes, your mom has talent, I'll have to give you that...

Charles Darwin said...

McFly, thank you.

Anonymous said...

call the burn unit, someone just got singed.

Fasterpussycat said...

I bet a penny-farthing outfitted with a Schlumpf unicycle hub and drafting a Morris Minor could give speed boy a run for his money.

Anonymous said...

Carlos Danger said...

Click. Send.

ouabacher said...

Got worried reading the first half of the writers fest blurb. It reads like an obit. Then I thought, It's already tomorrow in Australia. They know what lies ahead for WCRM! Then they switched to present tense and I went back to sleep.

Steven said...

If I had 104 teeth I could eat a lot of EPO

VOR said...

Do gravel races get checked for doping. Seriously, you have to be all over this one like the proverbial "white on rice."

Fil Andersen said...

most dangerous animal here is the Nth Fitzroy hipster Snob. A very pale imitation of the NYC version. Gerday Maaaate!

Anonymous said...

Tiew began to learn the tricks of the trade by observing her colleagues train their pelvic muscles to hold, eject, and blow objects out of their vaginal cavities. She watched women lace flower garlands, stuff them in condoms, and insert them in their vaginas before dancing in circles like swirling dervishes while slowly pulling out the garlands. She watched women hold firecrackers in each of their hands and then insert the lit firecrackers inside themselves during an erotic dance. In one act,Tiew learned how to place a lit cigarette in her vagina, inhale the fumes and exhale the smoke. In another act, Tiew mimicked a woman who inserted an unboiled egg in her vagina and smacked her body against the wooden floor multiple times before removing the unbroken egg. Tiew escorted male members of the audience to the dance platform, gave them balloons, and watched a colleague use her pelvic muscles to shoot darts at the balloons. During one show, Tiew observed a woman put a Coca-Cola bottle inside her and pop off the top with her vaginal muscles and then insert the bottle's contents inside her body, dance like an expressionless automaton, and later release the contents into an empty bottle to elicit laughter from intoxicated audience members. During another show, Tiew watched a woman stuff a bulbous, agitated frog inside her body and hold still as the ruckus audience counted out loud in unison, enthusiastically encouraging her to endure longer

Dooth said...

Zodiac Lovers...fuck!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Boy this comment board sometimes veers very far off the deed end.

BamaPhred said...

I think I saw Leroy's dog at the travel agency. Booking a trip to Thailand. Muttered something about a table tennis tournament.
I would add that maybe, in addition to veered, it has plunged deeply into the deep end.
It was great to see a quiz, too. But that's on topic, my bad.

Dooth said...

Zodiac Lovers...FUCK!!!

babble on said...

Mmm, deep. I like it deep.

Gidday!
It is hard to post from my iPhone- keeps freezing. i'm late cause I thought it was Saturday! Funny cause then it would be my birthday and I didn't think that.
Meow;)

RoadQueen said...

Happy Birthday tomorrow Babble!

babble on said...

Thank you, beautiful! xo

Brad Pitt said...


Happy Birthday Babble! NSFW

Anonymous said...

I've just one question for you, Aussie Snobbie; how can you stop freeloading miscreants from joining in your Melbourne meander?

Granted, Melbournians are a simple and servile peoples, but there might be cyclists from Sydney visiting and it could all end in tears.

In any event, Melbourne is such a boring and orderly city you really won't be able to "ponder the question Bike Snob NYC poses for himself every day". You have to come to bedlamistic Sydney for that -- do pay us a visit.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Happy birthday Babs...
It does not surprise me that you are a Leo. I hope you get some good riding in tomorrow. Maybe get out on your bike too.

Dylan Nicholson said...

As a Melbournian reader of this and Alan Davies' blog, your little "Bike City" event on the Saturday morning sounds kinda tempting, but it does somewhat interfere with my local Fred ride...what do do...what to do...

Yarpo said...

71st Place? Feeling very Alessandro de Marchi.

Snob,

Not to freak you out but Australia IS ON THE UPSIDE-DOWN PART OF THE PLANET! What were you thinking???

Pleeeeeeeeeeeez flush a toilet as soon as you arrive and report to us whether or not the Coriolis Effect is real or bullshit. Pleeeeeeeeeez? Clockwise or counterclockwise, that's all we want to know.

Gravel Bikes......Gravel Bikes......Grovel bikes....Grovel...

Haaaa-peeee BIRTH DAY DEAR BAAAAAA BLLLLLLLE, Haaa-pee BIRRRRRTH DAYYYYYYYYY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Hiccup.

Jush red thish at 11:30pm Pashific Shtandard Time and I cuddent help but shing Hebby Birfday to Babble.....thish cabertnet sauvigfuckingnon is kinda tasty now thatcha menshun it.

Hav a shafe weekund everbody, and ride yer ciclicles like sumbitches with their hair on fire!!!!! 'N wif a fucking helmeant too gawddamnit!

babble on said...

Libra looks rather awkward for the guy... :S

Hope it's hot tomorrow, cause I want to spend the day on Wreck in my birthday suit:)

22 veloalr

babble on said...

Oooooh Yarpo! Thank you!

Were you out gallivanting? It sounds like you had just the right amount of fun for a Friday night.... enough that you're having a great time, but not so much that you can't find the keyboard.

hoooooooray! Another year!

babble on said...

Better hit the sack so my legs are fresh and happy for the hills tomorrow morning.

Er, and I looooooove birthday kisses, BTW. Just, you know, sayin...

Yarpo said...

Babble,

Air Birfday Smooches on the Face-Cheeks, Lef/Rite/Lef!

Gud thang I hav a pillo duct taped to my head 'cuz i'm gunna pash out now.

Gunnite Everwun!

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

Snob...watch out for those aggressive magpies when your in AUS.... According to the twojohns they are nasty bastards.

British engineering = not engineering anything new + making excuses why the bike goes only half as fast as the world record.....what a cunt.

Hats off to him though...lot faster then I could ever ride.

A.I. Haiku
29 ysight

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

Damn...hypnotized by that Namo GIF..

That may or may not be more comfortable to ride...but one thing is sure, you will lose a shitload of power transfer from your core muscles thru your hips and down your legs with that contraption. With your spine doing the samba on every stroke I predict lower back pain as well.

But, I would like one anyway....so I could twerk while I ride...

OfficeSpace said...

thank you for sharing





singapore jobs dubai jobs abu dhabi jobs gulf jobs asia jobs south east asia jobs apac jobs india jobs sri lanka jobs asia job board singapore job board india job board china job board sri lanka job board japan jobs japan job board singapore careers india careers dubai careers gulf careers asia careers apac careers china careers south east asia careers east asia jobs china jobs asian jobs singaporian jobs chinese jobs indian jobs middle east jobs middle east careers asia recruitment singapore recruitment sri lanka recruitment india recruitment china recruitment apac recruitment east asia recruitment south east asia recruitment expat jobs recrutement au maroc emploi au maroc recrutement algerie emploi en algerie recrutement en tunisie emploi en tunisie africa jobs africa careers europe jobs europe careers usa jobs european jobs australia jobs canada jobs dubai job board middle east job board gulf job board free job posting sites

JDH said...

Fosters? Australian for BEER! Not. Drinking Fosters is like making love in a canoe. Fucking close to water. Get your kicks on "pmenones 66", mister roboto.

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

Jobs Jobs everywhere..... Hey Snob, maybe this is finally your chance to get a real one?

Office space is one smart roboot for cracking the code.

44 Diimerga

Jasper siX6Xis said...

BBW's what? Or whom?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Happy birthday babble. Kisses a plenty!

McFly said...

Happy Birthday Babs. Maybe someone will Pisces your ass. Well.....not your actual ass......anyway....go create some hard On's at eWrect Beach.

Anonymous said...

If you don't wear your f'in helment in Oztraya you'll be a criminal - don't believe me, watch it and weep.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLG8YpD7X58

Australians are a funny mob, their self image of being carefree, bronzed and healthy with a fair go for all is totally at odds with reality. I wouldn't recommend riding a bicycle there unless you want to be run off the road by a bogan in a ute.

Yarpo said...

Woke up early yesterday morning with a hangover and not enough sleep. That's what I get for gallivantin' aa well as celebrating Babble's B-Day. The commute ride began at 7:00am and the streets were nice and empty. Cold, foggy, and misty conditions helped to wake me up as the first coffee was too slow to take effect. I wore my Amgen Tour of California Leaders Jersey. The irony is that ever since the ToC moved to May and now overlaps with the Giro d'Italia, I have boycotted it, even when the stages are close enough to go watch in person. So I only ever wear that jersey while commuting, and even then not very often. Nothing like achieving dorktastic-ness by dressing like a Road Fred and riding an old mountain bike with mismatched tires, Ergon Grips, and fat panniers.
A lady on a touring bike blew by me near the fabled intersection of California & Hearst, passing close enough on my left to reach out and touch her, on a street with zero traffic. So I emerged out of my hangover, I was wearing the Piss and Puppy-Shit Brown Leaders Jersey after all, and the Cat 6 chase was on! She saw me in her helment mirror and started working harder. I caught her right at the intersection, which was empty gosh-what-a-surprise, and bellowed, "DON'T PASS ME SO CLOSE NEXT TIME!"
Felt great the rest of the day!
Cat 6: You Have No Friends.
Cat 6: No Gifts.

Other than that, I really am a polite bici commuter and Cat 6-ing is a state that I must be provoked into. Really.

Great day today to ride to the Alameda Art and Wine Fair with Future Mrs. Yarpo (FMY). Everyone have a bitchin' Sunday, play outside, and wear a healmeent even if you're just playing Scrabble. ESPECIALLY if you're just playing scrabble...

Yarpo said...

Um, "aa" should be replaced with "as."
Sorry, I know it's too early in the morning to speak in Dutch.

McFly said...

Cool story Yarpo. I got 20 miles of the MTB variety in today and it was glorious. 79. In Tenn. In late July.

leroy said...

True story:

Friday night, my dog and I go out for a walk.

Right in front of our building, there is a twenty-something guy with a touring bike standing in the bike lane.

He's sporting a scruffy beard, skater helmet and black glasses that peg him as a wayfarer from Williamsburg.

He's using the light from his iphone to inspect his shifters and looking confused.

Then he puts the phone to his ear and says "okay, so tell me how to downshift to make it easier to pedal."

My dog was speechless.

You can't make this stuff up.

(My dog has since regained his speech and sends belated birthday wishes to Babs.)

Aussie Duder said...

Damnit Snob, please come to Sydney.

Otherwise I will have to don my helment, board my Zeppelin, and make the long journey south to New South Wales' dangling labia. On a Thursday!

peter baker said...

hey there. I have a cycling group here in sydney. are you going to be in sydney during your trip down under?