Thursday, June 13, 2013

NYC Cycling: The Future's So Dark I Gotta Wear A Headlamp

Further to yesterday's post, I'm still not feeling very hopeful regarding the future of cycling in New York City, though to be fair I do tend to be pretty cranky when I'm menstruating.  Also, there has been at least one positive development since then:

Used to be when you got hit by a car you worried about stuff like your own mortality, or maybe about trying to memorize the license plate so the police can pretend to write it down and then not do anything about it.  Now, thanks to bike share, you really only have one concern, which how much time you have left on your Citi Bike:

FDNY said the victim was transported to Beth Israel, but had little info about his injuries. Apparently whatever trauma he suffered was nothing compared to his mortal fear of late fees, as our tipster overheard the injured man say, as he was being loaded into the ambulance: "But I have to dock it in the next 10 minutes!" (Late fees are $2.50 per half hour for members and $4 per half hour for 24-hour and 7-day riders.)

As a Citi Bike founding member, now at least I know what my last words will be:


Fortunately for the victim though, Citi Bike was ON IT:

Maybe it's because I'm menstruating, but the thing about "closing out the rider's trip" seems awfully macabre:


Another glimmer of hope is that the Hasidim (or at least the ones who can figure out how to use Twitter) are now clamoring for bike share in their neighborhood:

I'd have retweeted it except I'm not #Hasidic, so technically I can't agree with the above statement.

But yeah, I hope they do get their bikes, and maybe the Omnipotent and All-Powerful Bike Lobby that Dorothy Rabinowitz is always talking about can establish a cycling eruv in which the Hasidim can ride bikes even on Saturday.  Either way, it's good to see a pro cycling voice (that's "pro" for "for," not "pro" for "professional," since as far as I know there are no Hasidic pro cyclists) emerge from the Hasidic community, even if it did take them awhile to get it together, and at this rate I expect them to start clamoring for a velodrome in their neighborhood sometime around 2060.

Actually, ironically, the Hasidim may be our only hope, since their trendy Brooklyn neighbors are already over bikes and are too busy camping on rooftops now:
Since 2011, Brooklyn-based artist Thomas Stevenson has organized urban camping excursions—where the destination is not state parks or wooded forests but rather industrial, unglamorous, utterly rustic-in-their-own-way New York City rooftops. During Stevenson's four-night adventure this Thursday through Sunday, 15 guests will fold themselves into seven bare-bones tents, all wood-framed and covered in yellow canvas.

Finally, an opportunity to put all that stupid overpriced shit you bought from Best Made to use:


And, more importantly, to boast to your friends about your obscure form of recreation:

As Stevenson describes to the Observer: "You'll wake up the next morning. Your friends have just finished their normal rounds at bars, a few reruns of late night TV. They'll ask, 'Hey, what did you do last night?'…

"I slept in a pigeon coop like a fucking idiot," you will reply.

So next time you're awakened by the sound of footsteps on your roof, you can sleep easy knowing it's not a burglar.  It's just a bunch of trendy douchebags playing summer camp.

I'm looking forward to next summer, when the trendy recreational outing will be sleeping in a refrigerator box underneath the BQE.

Speaking of cycling and Brooklyn, it sounds like the latest installment of the Red Hook Crit was a real shitshow.  Not only was there that crash everybody's seen a million times already:



But now a 15 year-old kid has basically had to launch a $200,000 Kickstarter for his face after crashing in the qualifier:


This website was set up by the Major Taylor Development Team in show of support for our talented teammate Joshua “Pro” Hartman and his family during this incredible crisis. As many of you know, Joshua participated in a bike race on Saturday, June 8 and experienced a devastating crash during the qualifying rounds. He sustained multiple injuries to his face - he fractured his cheekbones, nose, and jaw. Thankfully he had on a helmet which protected his head. However when his face hit the protective railing his mouth was split open. Joshua lost a tremendous amount of blood and now remains in the ICU at Kings County Hospital. 

This is disturbing, especially given his age, and especially in the context of this blog post I noticed on Twitter:


Where the hell was the medical team at this unsanctioned shit show? The staff comprised of two people, sitting on the ground, flashlights in their teeth, haphazardly applying band aids to downed riders, no visible indication that they were health professionals of any kind. Their shelter a pitiful pop up tent. More than disappointing, it was hazardous. And another injustice to the riders that paid for this race.

It's a complicated issue.  On one hand it's a bike race, and the riders bear a certain responsibility for not taking stupid risks or riding beyond their abilities.  On the other, it sounds like it was a real crash-fest, and while the promoters have certainly done a great job of packaging and marketing this thing and tying it into the "urban cycling zeitgeist" you also have to wonder if more could have been done to minimize the likelihood of 15 year-old kids smashing their faces open.

Then again, numbskulls sprinting for 30th place manage to mess themselves up pretty good in the local USA Cycling-sanctioned park races, so who's to say?

Mostly I just hope the poor kid's OK.

Lastly, apparently it's Bike Month in Robs Fords' Toronto, and a Twittererer has shared with me this inspiring video:


Needs more Robs Fords smoking crack.

71 comments:

Anonymous said...

POOO DUUM

Anonymous said...

KNLB FRZD.

Anonymous said...

(ZOD)

Comment deleted said...

Read it; will now live it.

McFly said...

The TV people keep telling me I am not washing my hans long enough for proper bacteria removal but I do not know all the words to The Star-Strangled Banner.

POOPMOUTH said...

dang!

Anonymous said...

I did it! Top 10 and not a single PED

Logbig said...

STRAVA!!!!

Anonymous said...

Feel sorry for that kid at red hook. I don't know much about bike racing but if only 5 out of 100 complete your final race, that means.....?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Toppus tennus!

Jimboner said...

PORRA!

Anonymous said...

Yo!

cycle

Anonymous said...

Got lucky last night with a gal just under the twice my age minus 7 rule. don't be jealous, ya'll. I got it like that.

Anonymous said...

I wrote this on my cell phone, sitting on the shitter. It's going to be a double flusher...and maybe a stain in my chamois- I'm out of Action Wipes.

Anonymous said...

Chemex filters really are the bomb.

Anonymous said...

As an imperial capital NYC deserves every bit of shit thrown at it from within or without, and,

innainin school, and

Scranus!

Anonymous said...

Cleveland yeah!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Douchebags on the roof.

Fritz said...

Rooftop Hipsters...Bankrupted Last Rites Citi Bikers

I need a new word... Schadenfreude does not work here

I see the carnage and feel sorry for these crazy feckers

Anonymous said...

Tilford stops his training rides to rescue injured birds and thinks nothing of portaging them 7 miles back to town for care.

Yarpo said...

(ZOD) doubles the podium! Nice job, especially as it is so difficult to do that while entering the earth's atmosphere at (ZOD)-nian spacebicycle speeds, which would rip us earthlings into something like 36 pieces.

Kneeling.

...and a Scranus-y Thursday!

Bexpou? Is that Gorka Verdugo's cousin from Santander?

Anonymous said...

on another note some kind of realistic assessment of bike safety and bike car interactions in the NYT:

“Any solution to bicyclist safety should focus on preventing collisions from taking place, not seeking to minimize the damage after a collision has occurred"


http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/13/bike-sharing-can-mean-safer-biking/?hp


leroy said...

Not so fast Toronto.

A bike month that lasts from May 27to June 30 is more than a month.

It's like the High School kid who keeps scribbling on his SAT answer sheet after the proctor announces "pencils down."

It ain't gonna help.

Unless, of course, the three extra days are to accomodate a Rob Ford smoking crack film festival.

That'd be time well spent.

Anonymous said...

Top XXX

Mal said...

Poor kid, bad event, need a velodrome to race track bikes.

BamaPhred said...

I see the leg humping Labrador Retriever of Depression, (Thanks for that one Leroy) forever hence known as TLHLRD, is fading and brash snark is rising. Best wishes to the junior racer.

McFly said...

It's just a matter of time before you fools start customizing those Citi-Bikes then fighting over ownership like the fat lady at the Wal-Marts that put the handlebar streamers on the battery-powered disability hot-rod.

Turd Ferguson said...

Roof campers got the fucking idiot part right.

I am not the robot you are looking for.

ulesneu means

Anonymous said...

Well, if Red Hook somehow was somehow made into a USA Cycling sanctioned event, several things would have happened.

-No one would watch because that's what happens when USA Cycling gets involved.
-A bunch of mostly hyper-sensitive unapproachable, no fun-having,
-Guys on $10,000, 20-speed electronic transmission bikes,
-Complaining about the 10's of dollars on entry fees,
-Pretending half of them had a chance at a podium
-The other half rightly accuse others of doping.
-Finish the race with a discussion of $5000 crabon wheels and $150 sew-ups.

Oh, and USAC's insurance wouldn't pay for the reconstruction either.

BTW, how small was that course? There was a non-stop flow of riders after the crash.

robot stack failure

Serial Retrogrouch said...

would a rabbi have to certify citibike as kosher every time it was taken out of a docking station? and if yes, would HE have to perform the smell test?

Hamburglar said...

Your burgler makes my spellcheck angry. Stole a bunch of checks, I guess.

jno62 said...

1st place suckas!

No gash on my face.

Yeah.

Anonymous said...

icecream come, ew

Grammar Nazi said...

"And another injustice to the riders that paid for this race."

Child, please!

"Another injustice to the riders who paid for this race."

Anonymous said...

Fuck Red Hook Crit

if they have any scruples, they'll promote a better event with all proceeds going to the kid...

All The Black People In Portland said...

Q: How much prize money for adult douchebags has Red Hook Crit paid out, and how much profit have they made, and how much are they donating to the kid who crashed so badly?

This is what happens when assholes worry more about their "brand" than anything else.

ge said...

Snob, your Bicycling article on "Four Wheels or Two" was hilarious, mostly for the comments generated. My favourite was "This is the dumbest article on cycling that I have ever read. ...". Seeing how you need to register to comment, I'm presuming this commenter reads Bicycling magazine. That's about the most damning indictment I've ever heard. I have to admit I only read your articles on line. I haven't picked up a copy of Bicycling magazine since they hired the writers and layout team from Cosmo. Did they get good again?

BikeSnobNYC said...

ge,

Those comments were amazing.

If someone's context for what constitutes a cycling article is flat fix tips I agree, mine was about as bad as it gets.

I think a lot of "Bicycling" subscribers must feel guilty about all that trunk rack time.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Mrs. O'Leery's Cow said...

SNOB: "So next time you're awakened by the sound of footsteps on your roof, you can sleep easy knowing it's not a burglar." Sleep easy with campers on the roof, I don't think so. You know that the campers have to have a FIRE for S'Mores.

balls™ said...

Track bikes racing in the street? Great Lob's scranus, What a stupid idea!

le Correcteur said...

41st. I just keep moving downward. Is everyone else doping, while I'm the last honest rider? Or am I just on vacation hence slow to get on the effing internet?

Anonymous said...

I wish I was scranus.

JB said...

I'm sorry, but I can watch that guy flip over the bars and fling his bike into the crowd over and over and over and over.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Explore bikes that don't have knee shifters

Dooth said...

Track bike racing on the street? That's so dumb-ass. Crashes are inevitable, it's like bike NASCAR. It should be called Red Neck Crit.

Anonymous said...

What does it matter if there were one gear or 10?

Very generally speaking, everyone in a group riding with a fixed gear will be safer. No brake-grabbing waves of chaos.

If the rider can't handle themselves well otherwise in a criterium, well bad things can happen.

Robot stack failure

leroy said...

BamaPhred --

Thank you, but the phrase "to have one's leg humped by the black dog of depression" is a BSNYC neologism.

Not as well known as "bike lane salmon" perhaps, but equally as colorful.

Now who is going to explain to McFly that "neologisim" isn't a smutty reference to the sexual detritus of a Matrix character?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Track bike + cornering at speed = pedal strike = crash.

The math is quite simple.

Elisd42 said...

Meanwhile in Portland: http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/06/what-its-like-to-join-portlands-world-naked-bike-ride/276861/

I'll leave it to Mr. Rock Machine to decide whether this or the Red Hook Crit did more damage.

Roille Figners said...

It's a good thing it's an artist curating the rooftop campouts. Cuz no one else is creative enough.

commie said...

ROBS FORDS update: Toronto police did a major drugs and gang raid last night, now say there was a relationship between Robs and the guys in that photo. Police Chief "cannot comment" which means, as they say in Quebec, le fat fuque est dans le merde.

babble on said...

OMFG, you, TOO?! We must be synchronized. Isn't that special?

babble on said...

Ok, but what makes me REALLY cranky is the drivers who make me bleed. STOOOOOOOPID fucking speed demons from hell I hope they return home permanently.

babble on said...

Poor babe. I sure hope he heals well, bless his tender young soul. Sigh.

Counting my blessings... at least I just shredded my knee. Again. My knees and shins are nothing more thah layer upon layer of scar tissue.

Dirty snicker of the day: neologism. Where do you come up with this stuff? I want to spend a day in your brain, Leroy, once I've had a visit with Sweet Snobbums here. Neologism. Heh heh. Isn't that the dirty black log of depression?

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
e-scaper said...

Mr snob.Did u catch Colbert's Dorthy Rabinowitz/Citibike rant on the Repore last night? Priceless! All that sarcasim & McCartney too!

Dave said...

Re driving to ride: Alas, we don't live in an ethical world. I'm sure everyone knows that on Maui thousands of tourists every year pay to be driven to the summit of Haleakala and given a bike to sit on as they coast down the 20-odd miles, occasionally missing a switchback and taking a tumble. We might give them an ethical pass because they are not technically bicycle riders, but merely bicycle sitters.

I did once see a young, strong man arrive at the summit on his road bike. He was worn to a rag but wore his pride well. I gave him my last granola bar in homage, and he thanked me.

Anonymous said...

The next kickstarter should be to raise money for the event organizers' defense fund. They oughta be sued.

Anonymous said...

Japan leaves us all behind: http://devour.com/video/underground-bicycle-parking-systems/

Anonymous said...

That guy in the Red Hook video was just trying to return his bike to the Citibike tent cause he didn't want to pay overtime fees.

Anonymous said...

At Red Hook several riders on the ground get struck by bicycles, the bicycles go flying through the air yet all involved immediately get to their feet and clear the track. There is a lesson there...

Anonymous said...

Another lesson is to read the entire blog post before commenting.

offshore said...

for safety measure you must wear helmet...
offshore companies in dubai

McFly said...

I thought "neologism" was when one say, ate Indian or Korean food for the first time and it was unagreeable.

MUDD BUTT

ce said...

mmmmm, buttered dolphin.

ce said...

It seems like buttered dolphin should somehow relate to McFly's comment above, but alas, I am merely repeating my favorite part of yesterday's velomobile video.

McFly said...

I think it applies. "Oh man all that curry made that Indian food eject like a buttered dolphin."

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Roof Dorks

Yeah I think maybe the full face helment idea for all cycling is a the way to go. As a matter of fact I think I'm going with the whole storm trooper body armor/helment kit. That'll look killer on my recumbent.

All The Black People In Canarsie said...

Frank Hendler is a human piece of shit...

$1000 gift certificate to the Red Hook Crit says this asshole is ** NOT ** did not grow up in NYC, which shouldn't be taken as a cut all emigres, by any means, just assholes like this feckless attention whore/NARC.

Verena said...

This is cool!