Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Losing Your Way: Smart Phones, Dumb Riders

Further to yesterday's post about dragging kids around, a reader had this to say:

Dennis said...

Kids that big being carried around like dead weight in a trailer? What's to be smug about? Kids age 12 and 6!? They make really nice 7 speed bikes that can fit a five year old.

If your kid is four and not riding his own bike? Well. I'm not comparing your kid to my kid. I'm not saying your kid is retarded because retarded is such an unacceptable word and that's why I'm not using it. Every kid develops at their own rate. Maybe your kid will get her training wheels off when she's 6. Like how it was in the 70s. How retro! It's fine. No pressure. Don't pressure your kid to ride by 4, please. Carry them around and let them play first person shooters and watch Pixar sequels nowhere in your sight while you pedal. You do that. Tens of millions of American kids spend their days exactly the same way. 

Some kids will cross the Rockies in the back seat of an SUV glued their screens, and others will do so in a bike trailer. Same experience, for them. I guess it's an epic trip for the SUV's engine, or the guy pulling the bike trailer.

All I'm saying is, I'm not seeing nothing in your kids to be smug about.

June 24, 2013 at 5:16 PM

Oh, save it, Dennis.

It's one thing when "grown-ups" go around trying to out-smug each other (this is the basis of Portland's entire "bike culture"), but it's quite another to start dragging the children into it.  "My four year-old's a bigger Fred than your four year-old."  Gimme a break.  Plus, what happens when your kid gets a little older and decides he hates bikes?  Hey, it can happen.  I hope my kid still likes to ride as he gets older, but if he doesn't then so what?  As long as he doesn't dabble in anything truly stupid and dangerous, like God or religion, then I'm happy.

In the meantime, I've decided to launch a Kickstarter for my own "family adventure," and I've chosen as my destination the North Pole--though unfortunately I couldn't find it on G--gle Maps:


Granted, I did major in English at a state university so my knowledge of pretty much everything is hazy at best, but I'm pretty sure the North Pole's not in Flushing.

Therefore, I set my sights a little lower (latitudinally speaking), and instead zeroed in on a northern location G--gle could actually find:


Though when I clicked the button that gives you bicycling directions I got this message:

We could not calculate directions between [my address, redacted because I don't want your hate mail] and Grise Fiord, NU X0A 0J0, Canada.

Whatever, no big deal.  It seems pretty straightforward anyway until you get to about here, at which point I assume you just ask a helpful Mountie or flag down a water taxi:


Oh, sure, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "Not only is it horribly irresponsible to take an American child to Canada, but it's doubly irresponsible to bring him to that part of Canada, where the average yearly temperature is 2.3 °F or [mumblemumblemumble]°C and there are only three (3) Tim Hortons per dozen residents."

Well you can relax about that too, because I'm not bringing my kid, I'm just bringing a loaner kid.  Plus, I've got toasty warm outfits for us to wear:



(Me)




(The kid.)

I don't see what could possibly go wrong.

Speaking of directions, some company asked me if I wanted to try this:


Like any good 21st century douchebag, I have a smartphone.  I also use it for directions, even when I'm on a bicycle.  Even so, the last thing I want is my phone staring me in the fucking face while I'm riding my bicycle.  There you are, settling into a nice rhythm on the climb, when in comes the "Can you pick up some toilet paper on the way home?" text.  Look, I'm always happy to pick up toilet paper, but it really takes you out of the moment.  At least if it's in my pocket I can wait until I stop to urinate before reading it.

Plus, all this smartphone technology is making cyclists incredibly soft, and we were already pretty much the wimpiest leisure athletes out there anyway.  The whole "cyclists know how to suffer" thing is a total myth.  Think your "century" is an accomplishment?  Go out and run for 45 minutes and report back--unless of course you're a triathlete, in which case you're not a cyclist anyway so your opinion doesn't count.  So get the damn phone off your bars already.  You know what the best motivation for "training" is?  The fear of getting lost.  When getting dropped from the group means being left in the middle of nowhere 50 miles from home then you find the energy to hold onto that wheel no matter what.

Then again, I might be willing to make an exception for this smartphone mount:


(Via them.)

That would look great on your Rivendell.

I'll also readily acknowledge that putting a smartphone on your handlebars is not nearly as bad as wearing a navigational helment:



Interestingly, the utility of this helment goes way beyond bike share, since by pegging it to the Citi Biek system they've essentially created a helment that will guide the wayward gentrifier to the nearest white neighborhood no matter what they're riding:


Feeling uneasy?  Haven't seen a Brooklyn Industries or a Connecticut Muffin for a few blocks?  Just follow the pulsing light and you'll be out of that "sketchy" neighborhood and enjoying a craft beer in no time.

Lastly, I've received an email that the Bicycle Film Festival is coming to New York:
Coming quickly, eh?  Maybe it should think about baseball.

The email also contained a few previews (or what we in the industry call "trailers") including this one:

 

Yikes.

Someone needs a solid meal, a beer, and a hug.

130 comments:

Anonymous said...

scranus!

Name said...

Now!!!


Kenure freqil

Anonymous said...

woo hoo!

ChamoisJuice said...

meh

Anonymous said...

How bout that!

ChamoisJuice said...

MINI FRED

Anonymous said...

ugh

dnk said...

"Brooklyn Industries". Always good for a laugh.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten~!

Anonymous said...

Wait.. He's not seeing nothing to be smug aboot? Apparently all is well

One Hole said...

WEED!


sufficient stemKi

Synonymous said...

Smartphone, Fartphone. I want to install pepper spray cannisters and tommyguns and pretend I'm James Bond as I take out barking dogs.

Top 15?

crosspalms said...

Maybe you should do a trip to all the NY North Poles and map the route to see if it looks like Santa. Or that creepy snowman in the Danish trailer.

le Correcteur said...

top twenty unread healsg falsities.

BamaPhred said...

You could always bring your barking seal of disapproval,to ward off potential attackers, while wearing your seal suit through the sketchy neighborhoods. Or the chickensuit. Whatever. Enjoyed, as always. And its more hot and humid in NYC today than in my little corner of the world. Who would've thought?

I want a "rquipan grant"

Marcel Da Chump said...

Sketchy protective helment.

Velocodger said...

Apparently there are no Snickers bars in Denmark.

Anonymous said...

mmmm....craft beer

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Come on, ride by four? Grow a spine. My kid better be winning the X games by the time he's five! All he does is eat and complain, "My legs hurt, my arms hurt, my face hurts"
You should have been riding harder, learn how to pump right. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDN'T STICK THE LANDING!

CONCENTRATE next time. Little idiot kids and their non-existant attention span....

db said...

What is the "moon" part of "Moon Rider" that I'm missing? Is he also a werelobster?

RANTWICK said...

I once had a commenter on my blog named dogfart. That was a much less gag-inspiring name than ChamoisJuice.

Ugh.

LostInConencticut said...

"As long as he doesn't dabble in anything truly stupid and dangerous, like God or religion, then I'm happy."

You sir, are not only funny, but my parenting role model.

mikeweb said...

"Coming quickly, eh? Maybe it should think about baseball."

Works for me.

BamaPhred said...

Someone is certainly verbose, if somewhat sensitive. Cheer up, people work for years to get a nod from Lob's High Priest and you made the front page. Congratulations.

babble on said...

I need a hug, too.

last_comment_evar said...

Dennis,

Time for your own blog. After several years of blog curation, you'll be ten dollars richer and turning tricks to feed your 10 children.

Like Snob hisself!

Boba ball failure

BikeSnobNYC said...

Dennis,

Huh?

Stephen Colbert, really?

It's a blog.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

mikeweb said...

Huh, a do it yourself project that requires soldering wires to a board.

What could possibly go wrong?

But the smell of burning hair is a bit disgusting...

Roille Figners said...

I think if you walk, drive, bike or in any other way move forward whilst looking at a "smart" phone instead of where you're going, you deserve to be struck forcefully. Just to teach you to keep a lookout, see problems coming, and move quickly and stay out the way. But it won't work... you'll just blame the person and how awful they are. You'll tweet it right then.

For lunch there will be

saminges served

2nd try: Hey Dorothy,

service MytAdv

ChamoisJuice said...

Seriously, Dennis, quit being such a sanctimonious prick.

bob said...

oooOOOH, the videos where fuzzy like on crappy broadcast TV up here in Humboldt ca.!! Jeez! I can't read the important subtitles in the German guys self abuse bike video.



crosspalms said...

COTD there

Anonymous said...

Your problem getting directions to Grise Fjord is that you mistyped the postal code. Those are supposed to be zeroes, not little o's: X0A 0J0

Now start pedaling. And arm the pup with a good American handgun: I'd love to see the expression on those guys with clubs' faces when a baby harp seal draws on them and asks "so whose going to be a pelt here?".

Stephen Colbert said...

Dennis,

stop being all intellectual and shit.
if this blog wants to be retarded, so be it.

Anonymous said...

"An extremely strong and vibrating film..." per the credits.

Explain.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Dennis, the problem is that sarcasm is supposed to be funny or at least ironic, your extremely long winded and inane post from yesterday neither. So it's easy to see why someone may have taken it as serious. Anyway, keep up the good work.

bob said...

HA ha ha! Whose gonna be a pelt here?

ChamoisJuice said...

Dennis:

Allow me to explain why your jokes suck.

You have a stick up your ass.

Do you wear strechy pants and ride road bikes?

Allow me to explain what is wrong with BSNYC today:

Not enough yiddish.

JB said...

Dennis typed: "The sad thing about a blog like this is the way it alternates between irony and seriousness."

Yes. That's part of the reason I like to make this blog.

McFly said...

My boy I say MY BOY is bad ass on a bike. He started riding when he was fetus years old.

Anonymous said...

My wife is starting to ride a bike and I decided to take her over the GWB into palisade park this past Sunday. I knew this was risky given the high amount of freds on that bridge on weekends. Anyway, on the way over the bridge at least two dickbags yelled at her to stay right as they passing on an already narrow bridge with two way bike and pedestrian traffic. I love riding bikes and going fast, however, when on a narrow crowded bridge you may have to slow down to avoid running into people rather than assuming everyone should get out of your way because you are such an incredible athelete and you are going for a PR on your Strava. Don't be a fucking dick and slowdown and don't yell at strangers or next time someone is going to catch up to you (which wouldn't be hard because you are considerably slower than you think you are) and beat the shit out of you. You have been warned.

Anonymous said...

CJ is going to ride this wave of Dennis-Hating for all its worth.

Stephen Colbert said...

you know, mom loved to read bike snob. it didn't matter if bike snob were funny or serious, retarded or intellectual. she'd read the "the wildcat rock machine" every weekday and post, anonymously of course, that his stem was too long, or that he was a bad photographer. she'd wait every day for the new post and absolutely was purposeless on the weekends and when that fucking little shit would take a week off to film some pathetic promo for one his "books". near the end, from her deathbed, she would mumble scranusnipple, scranusnipple in homage to RTMS. oh sure, occasionally she'd complain that he wasn't the same as when he was anonymous or when he did more stuff about racing vs. the weak-ass commuting / bike share bullshit he goes on about nowadays, but mostly she loved the bike snob. loved him!

CommieCanuck said...

man... that trailer was depressing. "I just ate 700 grams of ice*", the Karen Carpenter diet.
Of course you know what this means...coming in 2014..low fat ice, check the Weightweenies forum.

*or, he meant crystal meth, hard to tell with cyclists these days.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

"My wife is starting to ride a bike and I decided to take her over the GWB into palisade park this past Sunday."

nice! and i'm guessing she'll stop bothering you about riding a bike very soon - i wish i'd thought of that!

CommieCanuck said...

Dennis? Oh, I've been ignoring him, I thought it said, "Dentist".

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dennis, please keep it up because now CJ has a new girlfriend.

But you do overthink things, my friend. I suspect that as a schoolboy, you took apart your parent's sofa to see how it worked.

Anonymous said...

This kid > you

BikeSnobNYC said...

Dennis,

Dennis.

Dennis...

Oh, Dennis.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

CommieCanuck said...

What is the "moon" part of "Moon Rider" that I'm missing? Is he also a werelobster?

That's EXACTLY what cycling movies need, Werelobsters, that can only be harmed with crosses and bullets made of crabon fiber, that can be burned with the holy water from Eddy Merckx's bidon, and can only be killed with a square taper non drive-side Campagnolo Super-Record crank through the scranus.
Currently, cycling documentaries are all the same: pain. suffering , determination, and no off-camera shots of all that ignored will doping up and assload of EPO.

Still irrelevant.

CommieCanuck said...

This kid > you

I think Mrs. Goldstone has some 'plaining to do, and Tony Hawk better hire a good paternity suit layer.

ken e. said...

but totally hilarious.

BLME CNDA
NRTH POLE
DNIS DNIS
DNIS

CommieCanuck said...

lawyer. balls.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:36pm,

I haven't ridden over the Golden Gate Bridge often enough to officially declare the GWB the Fredliest Bridge in America, but if not it's certainly a toss-up between the two.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Yarpo said...

I've just caught up from last Friday's quiz to today, hence, my pack fodder-dom.

Dennis, I've never had the experience of reading Snob and thinking, "he's in character, oh shit, now he's out of character, now he's in, oh no now he's out"...because my head would explode like a watermelon being hit by an explosive .50-caliber round if I DID think like that.

Maybe I'm just meh-tarded.

Charles, good luck on your ride with the kids but no money for roadkill collecting will be forthcoming from me. Have fun.

Magnus Quaalude: the next big Danish rider...like Bjarne Riis-doping-juicified-Big or just big? The bouncing snowman scared me, badly.

I don't own a smartphone, but I like the wood cockpit mount!

Babble: more thigh-high snake-skin stilletos, sun dress, and red/red/red...whew...more of that. Judicious star-nipple shots never hurt either.

Without Gorka Verdugo riding the Tour De Flance (yes, Flance!), my Official Name-Crush automatically goes to Gatis Smukulis. Please make a note of that. Thank You, and

SCRANUS!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Dennis, wow. The only other way to draw more negative attention is to call yourself Bike Snob X, X = wherever you are from.

Anonymous said...

speaking of coming quickly...

babble on said...

McFly... ++! Mine, too, the first till three days before he was born!

Snob, it's the best blog. Ever. And it's true, sometimes you're just as funny as Colbert, and you don't have an army of writers and unpaid interns writing for you, either.

It's true. Canada is so i-fucking-relevant I can't stand it, and the dead baby seals are only the tip of the iceberg.
Yeah, we'll ship your coal for your new carbon-intensive Asian markets. Sure you can frack the fuck out of every aquifer here in the biggest pool of fresh water on the planet. Yes, we will remove all environmental protections from our waterways, too, so that you can build any kind of pipeline you like. Don't worry about an aboriginal uprising, we killed of their children and their culture early on- they're well fluoridated and docile as sheep.

Canadians are all sheeple, in fact. And we're feeding them the latest, most toxic concoctions of GMO poison we can come up with, too, so there won't be so many of them to feed in future.

Sperm counts? HA! Plummeting. Cancer, stroke, heart disease, diabetes? Sky-rocketing.

I need a very long bike ride. Where is that sucker-hole in the clouds?

babble on said...

Oh, and I resemble that moon.

Roille Figners said...

When that kid grows a pair he may need a bike with pedals.

You're welcome for making you think about a child's balls.

babble on said...

Oh, I forgot about your army of sixteen unpaid interns and the favourite child.... oops.

crosspalms said...

"The bicycle in the picture is not the one featured in the article."

Anonymous said...

He's not a true "Moon Rider" unless he's wearing one of these:
http://www.cyclebuttcrack.com/index.html

g. said...

Don't forget Spencer! Still waiting for his write-up of the ScaTaint.

ChamoisJuiceIsAFookinIdiot said...

Dennis -

You should listen to ChamoisJuice's advice re: sucking and unfunny jokes. If anybody knows a thing or two about sucking (CJ is an expert in the sucking department) and unfunny jokes (never been anyone less funny), it's ChamoisJuice.

Sincerely,
ChamoisJuiceIsAFookinIdiot

fweetens Ritser

Anonymous said...

Babs,

You're right. You do need a hug!

ChamoisJuice said...

Roille:
Kid has graduated to pedal bikes...


Pretty sure the kid's handlebars are wider than bikesnob's

LEARN HOW TO SET UP A BIKE ALREADY YOU OLD GAPER!

WIDE BARS
SHRT STEM

Anonymous said...

Anon @1:52

Yep, he is.

Vegas said...

Solid meals, craft beers, and hugs for everybody!

Your are the walrus, koo koo ka choo.

That Dennis, the menace.

@this kid > you - That child is surely from Krypton as he has the Scranus of Steel.


ougnbo between
Domo arigato, I'm not a roboto

janinedm said...

I have that very phone mount. It keeps me from riding in circles. As a person who bikes to get places rather than for mental toughness reasons, it works great for me. (And seriously, other cyclists, if biking were so difficult how come fatties can finish centuries? I've never seen a fat person complete a marathon.) I don't understand why you'd have it for the iPhone, though. With the Android, you get turn by turn voice directions for the bike, so I never have to look at it, but I can't hear the nice robot voice if my phone is stowed away. Anyway, this is all a long way of saying that Google maps for Android is soooo good

Dooth said...

It's a thin line between sarcasm and suckasm.

Roille Figners said...

Shit Babs, Canada was gonna be my big Plan B! Now what?!?!?!


PS. In case anyone forgot: A child's balls.

janinedm said...

Oh, did you see this sad fred's lament?

The reality is that an aging bike commuter in average physical condition will, fairly often, be humiliated. Embarrassment finds me on virtually every ride. An overweight guy on a 25-year-old Schwinn with nearly flat tires will blow past. Or a woman wearing a sun dress and Birkenstocks will speed by while talking on a cellphone. The worst was the senior citizen in a three-piece suit and dress shoes who left me in his wake one recent morning.

I, on the other hand, look the part. There’s the relatively new “commuting” bike (purchased, unsuccessfully, to try to avoid scenes like the aforementioned), the clip-in biking shoes, the shorts, the gloves, an aerodynamic helmet. It makes the humiliation even worse.

I don't know how to provide the link but just google "Facing reality as a Twin Cities bike commuter"

Highonbike said...

Smartphone? Half the fun of getting there is getting lost.

Roille Figners said...

janinedm - I hate that guy for thinking it's a race, but I like him for realizing he's losing it. SO MANY CONFLICTING EMOTIONS.

PS: a.C.B.

CommieCanuck said...

Canada was gonna be my big Plan B!

Canada is everyone's plan B. The national motto, translated from latin , is "meh, this will do."

ge said...

Dennis' issue is one that is endemic in society. The masses don't get irony and sarcasm, so they need to be able to tell themselves "okay, this guy is always sarcastic so I'll read him this way". Otherwise, everything that gets told as a joke gets regurgitated as "truth", or keeping with today's theme, truthiness. Snob's back and forth between sarcasm and potty-talk-riddled biting commentary can be confusing to those who require spoon feeding. Sot let's not go out and call Dennis retarded, because retarded is such an unacceptable word.

Oh, and Babs, you definitely need a long ride.

Lastly, Snob will be safe from the seal clubbers, they'd only want the kid. Polar bears on the otherhand? I hear they're a hungry bunch these days.

wishiwasmerckx said...

FOUR DAYS til the centenary version of the TdF kicks off!!!

Let me be the first to say it:

Chris Froome goes vroom vroom...

Interesting side-note - did you know that Chris Froome and Barack Obama were born in the same small village in Kenya?

ge said...

janinedm: nothing like riding a clown bike to suck any sense of accomplishment out of any cat 6er that passes you. Oh, and I've seen fatties complete marathons, even IMs - that's because they want to. Me, don't wanna.

DB said...

Wiwm:
Yeah, I'm getting a little excited for the TdF, too.
Still miss Pantani and Ullrich, though. I still have Jens!

rural 14 said...

Rural 1st!

Why not alternate between humor and serious? It's all good writing, ya mug. And the comments section? More fookin' literate than the NYT, that's fer sure.

And...make yr kids pedal - get a tandem / w a kid back / or a bike friday tandem etc. No hauling the kids around unless they're under 3 years of age.

And the wanker on the GWB musta been the same guy who yelled at me on the Hudson bike path / I was visiting NYC with my son (9 years old) & tandem a few months ago - my boy yelled back in his best Boris Badonov voice, "we vill crush you" and I both laughed and seriously thought about catching the wanker and pounding him. So we just jumped it up and hung on his wheel till Canal Street, I telling him to go faster. My boyo and I practice Tabita sprints often uphill.

So it was a bit Samuel Beckett like - maniac man on a clown bike with odd bundles and Boris Badonov child effortlessly keeping up with Crabon wanker hissing "go faster".

I felt bad / still do - bad example setting.

CommieCanuck said...

Yeah, I'm getting a little excited for the TdF, too.
Still miss Pantani and Ullrich, though


Bike racing is like John Coltrane albums..no junk, no soul.

CommieCanuck said...

FINALLY.

<a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.extraextragames.staymayor&hl=en> The Robs Fords Video game</a>.

Description
Help the Mayor Stay Mayor!

Uh oh. Looks like the Mayor’s in a buttload of friggin’ trouble with that alleged video of him smoking crack! And who knows if it even exists, amiright? But juuust in case, why don’t you help him collect a heap of cash to buy it before The Gawker does. Only your twinkle toes can out-maneuver the Blood Thirsty Media to help him collect more than they did in that damn “Crackstarter” campaign. $201,255 to be exact. And hey, everyone needs a little boost now and then, so make sure you collect power up buckets of deep-fried courage for more footballs to throw at life’s problems... but make sure you avoid those pesky crackpipes!

Good luck trying to Stay Mayor! Go git em!

PS: Don’t smoke crack.

CommieCanuck said...

pacipf the The Robs Fords Video Game.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Pantini? Ullrich?

Meh...

Me, I miss the great Teun Van Vliet...

Roille Figners said...

I like when you don't close the quote, it's like everybody has to click on THE WORLD

Anonymous said...

ANON 1:36 PM, Frustration with "Freds" is leading to thoughts of violence, eh? Riding ultra lightweight bicycles while wearing special form fitting clothing makes them bad asses like Navy Seals or Green Berets or even Spiderman, so watch yourself. And the scowls; chilling!

Jimboner said...

BOP

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Dennis:

You can't claim to be in character until you establish a character.

My dog taught me that.

He also suggested this could be a good Dennis persona for you.

Personally, I can't tell if he's serious. The suggestion does seem a litle bird-brained.

Anonymous said...

What happened to Dennis' posts? I was right in the middle of his last apology for decency and cohesion when, zap, it disappeared. Damn NSA...

P. Bateman said...

i want to come as close to death as possible?

what in gods green earth is wrong with men between the ages of about 14 and 25? they are just absurdly stupid and responsible for not only most of the violence in the world, but also for insane life goals like coming close to death via indoor bike raceeng. what a bunch of goobers.

i like this new dennis guy.

leroy said...

Oh dear.

Dennis has flown the coop.

It's almost like not being able to make a joke is related to not being able to take a joke.

Almost.

grog said...

Grogle?

Rochester said...

WRM @1:52pm:

Is that a shout-out to the Jack Benny fans?

Roille Figners said...

I like all the argumentative dicks. Including CJ, Dennis, and Snob.

I just said "I like...dicks."

JB said...

P. Bateman: Hey, we've got to cull the heard somehow. #darwin

Anonymous said...

How does the Kick starter guy that wants to follow the Louis and Clark Trail plan on biking on the Missouri river? Wouldn’t a boat be better?

ChamoisJuice said...

Upon futher deliberation, I agree with Dennis, Bikesnob is much better when he is making cheap jokes and not trying to sell a schmaltzy point. For the last time we get it, having babies is better than being cool and slaying the ripe vag. KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT.

But I have to stay in character, and I hate everyone, ergo YOU SUCK DENNIS

BamaPhred said...

Dennis is gone. That's sad. Express yourself, get feelings hurt, delete comments, and run home. And I really thought he was starting to get it when he posted So. Much. Butthurt. I guess he wasn't trying to be ironic/funny/mitigating. Oh well, one less on the playground.

crosspalms said...

So Dennis disappeared himself. Freaky.

hisphom against (is how the robo-cop sees it)

crosspalms said...

anon 4:08
adventurecycling.org has a mapped route following Lewis & Clark -- lots of other routes and maps, too.

JB said...

Maybe CJ will be on the front page tomorrow.

ROBINS filegas

RoadQueen said...

WOW. Apparently I missed a ton of other people's entertaining drama today.

Stupid job...

Anonymous said...

Rollie Fingers at 12:50 PM

"I think if you walk, drive, bike or in any other way move forward whilst looking at a "smart" phone instead of where you're going, you deserve to be struck forcefully."

Rollie, not in the civilized world. Stupidity is currently being evaluated as an illness, therefore no blame and subsequent responsibility can be placed on acts of stupidity. Is there a cure for stupidity? It used to be called learning from one's mistakes, IF one survived them. Now maybe medicine can come up with an answer (preferably in pill form).

Comment deleted said...

Podium!

Oops, a little late today.

Dennis, we hardly knew ye.

Jorgen Leth said...

A vibrating film told from the inside....Have at it Snob.

Dennis said...

I'm sorry

Comment deleted said...

Whenever I see an anon posting intelligently, I wonder why they won't take the tiny trouble to make up a pseudonym, so I can know that they are worth reading the next time they pop up.


Oh, and loFnant called.

RoadQueen said...

Dennis @ 5:18

Now THAT'S an apology I think we can all follow along with.

adyhad, perhaps?

Anonymous said...


"close your eyes and think of England": traditional advice given to women when confronted with the inevitability of sexual intercourse, or jocular encouragement to either sex about doing anything unpalatable.

The source given for this phrase -- Lady Hillingdon's (or Hillingham's) _Journal_ (1912) is suspect and has not been verified:

'I am happy now that Charles calls on .... '

_Salome Dear, Not With a Porcupine_ (ed. Arthur Marshall, 1982) has it instead that the newly-wed Mrs Stanley Baldwyn was supposed to have declared subsequently: 'I shut my eyes tight and thought of the Empire.'

In 1977, there was play by John Chapman and Anthony Marriott at the Apollo Theatre, London, with the title _Shut Your Eyes and Think of England_.

"Grin Reaper" said...

Mr. Bike Snob, I see an SUV in your child's future.

Grin Reaper said...

Mr. Bike Snob..... and lot's lots of trips to the soccer field and mickey D's.

Anonymous said...

Sadly I don't have children.

Rising my bike has rendered me impotent.

Come to think of it, the impotence or my own shitty personality is the cause for lack of children.

Jasper sixsix6 said...

Does the film vibrate? Or my seat whilst watching? Did the projectionist perhaps need to adjust the little idler thingy on the projector like the one AV geek kid that every fucking class in elementary school had (it was required by federal mandate) knew how - and no one else, not even the teacher? Those kids are all now working as Danish projectionists in art film houses apparently drunk on Tuborg and passed out in the projection booth unable to put their projecting skills to good use.

But, hey, if my seat vibrates my scranal areas - COUNT ME THE FUCK IN!!!

Anonymous said...

I ride my kids to elementary school on a tandem and I suspect my neighbor looks at us the way Dennis would. His kids ride their own bikes, and we've ridden to school with them a couple times which has convinced me the tandem is the way to go at this age. Our neighborhood has the worst drivers who back out of driveways without looking at all, not for cars and definitely not for kids riding on the sidewalk. He lets his two kids ride too far ahead or one on the street and one on the sidewalk and boy are they squirrelly. They kinda don't always stop at intersections. These things are one thing when a 6 foot tall adult is doing them, and another when a low to the ground kid, who isn't aware of what cars are around or what stupid move they are likely to make is doing them.

My neighbor, "Dennis" was plenty smug when his kids took off their training wheels two months before mine. Now my kids also ride their own bikes to school a few times and its fine but more effort for me, keeping us riding together closely and my head is swiveling watching them, the potholes and the drivers doing 40 in a 25 mph.

Basically, I'm not put trusting an elementary student in a situation where their life is in their hands. So I ride the tandem because I can just chill my mind and get us there, they can pedal or not, and the traffic is handled as best as I can from years of habits and instincts.
And if I want to grab coffee, almost a mile out of the way, we go and it only adds a couple of minutes compared to kid speed.

Anyone who's ever tried to walk anywhere with kids knows what it's like to get anywhere fast.

Thx Snobby for doing what you do.


Reference normmit

Anonymous said...

Craft beer – where Americans copy centuries-old European recipes and then "improve" on them by adding shit like Hershey bars and high fructose corn syrup.



ce said...

Dennis, I think what Leroy is trying to say is: "Fuck you you fucking fuck, I FUCKING HATE YOU!!! Fuck off!"

Myself, I got it and I thought your comment was funny. I'd be surprised if Rocko, the asshole (Queens spelling) formally known as Snobbo, didn't get it and was just running with it... or maybe he is a dumbarse (The Queen's spelling), I don't know.

Anyway, you've disappeared, does this mean the kid v kid death match is off?



McFly said...

That's the greatest apology I have ever seen and I am not sure why it was laid down because I must have missed the drama. It's like, the polar opposite of Icognito Big-Ass Knockers.

ce said...

Well, at least the drama here is a good fill in for us middle aged (in spirit at least) losers until the airing of the final season of Breaking Bad - the award winning drama series formally known as the Tour de France.

Lastly, I hate to say it, but the seal suit looks like the Arctic equivalent of Pedobear

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McFly said...

Apology.................wait for it.............................................................................................................accepted.

McFly said...

Hey Dennis is that your daughter in the apology video? Man they grow up so fast. That IS a fun age, though.

babble on said...

Best. Apology. Evah.

just sayin

CommieCanuck said...

OHDE NNIS

ChamoisJuice said...

You're welcome.

You really think Dennis is capable of such a heart felt apology? Dooder wears tights and ballet shoes and is trying to force his kids into the same deviant lifestyle choices.

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Anonymous said...


............Nice..^_^v................