Thursday, April 4, 2013

Cycling: For Entertainment Purposes Only

First of all, here's this:


LOCK IN FREEDOM from knog on Vimeo.

Can someone who speaks Australian tell me what she said was sticking to her thighs?

(Much less interestingly, can someone explain to me how Australians manage to work the letter "r" into the word "home?")

By the way, don't accuse Knog of sexism for using the breasts and thighs of young Sheila women to sell their wares, because in the interest of gender equality they also use sweaty Bruce Fred cleavage in their promotional videos:


NO ORDINARY NIGHT from knog on Vimeo.

See?  Bruce Fred cleavage:


I should also mention that I think I may be visiting Australia sometime towards the end of the summer, assuming everything works out, and provided I can find someone to drug me B.A. Baracus-style for the four hundred million hour flight there.  I'll keep you posted, and hopefully it happens because I look forward to visiting the land of pugilistic marsupials, sticky Sheila thighs, and hairy Bruce Fred cleavage.



Speaking of places that aren't America but where something resembling English is spoken, I've expressed my disappointment in London for still clinging to the whole fixie thing, and now a reader informs me that they are finally relinquishing it just like their government finally relinquished all those colonies:



Bicycle gears do seem to be back, and in a in a big way. A couple of weeks ago, Tom Hipwell, co-owner of Fitzrovia Bicycles in the West End of London, told BikeRadar that road bike customisation was a line of work that was working well for the shop.

“I think people realise after a while that, if you want to do any decent riding, you’re going to need some gears,” he said, showing us the retro race frames and shiny titanium Van Nicholas bikes that adorn the shop.  

So what are they riding now?  Touring bikes:

Nigel Brook, a director at Brixton Cycles, a workers’ co-operative that see themselves as a destination for higher-end steel randonneurs, was more direct: “That wave [fixed gear] crashed against the beach about two years ago. Touring bikes are where it’s at now.”

This should come as no surprise, since cycle touring is in their DNA, just like drinking tea, or colonizing other countries in order to insure a steady supply of tea:



I'm not buying the whole "pump caught in my trouser leg" thing.  He was probably undone by the "goofy tiller effect" of his egregiously long stem--though not as egregiously long as this one:


(Long-ass fothermucking stem, forwarded by a reader.)

Anyway, I digest.  Back to my main point, which was fixies, and that they're stupid.  Yes, no self-respecting cosmopolitan urbanite would be caught dead on a fixie anymore.  The only people you see riding track bikes in New York now are teenagers and the sorts of aging hipsters who think that by fighting coasting they can somehow also fight off adulthood.  Everybody else is happily click-click-clicking away.  And shifting isn't the only thing we cyclists have to be happy about here in New York City, since we're also beating pedestrians in the hotly-contested "not dying in February" competition:

Though it could just be that the drivers are getting smarter and they're now waiting until we get off our bikes before they kill us.  Still, they're not smart enough to remove their valuables from their cars, choosing instead to let thieves do it for them:


Police in the 76th Precinct, which covers Carroll Gardens and Cobble Hill, are frustrated with residents who are just leaving their valuables out in the open for thieves to steal. At a community council meeting last night, Captain Jeffrey Schiff announced that cops are taking pictures of cars that have iPads, iPhones or packages in the front seat and then letting the owners know they are, well, stupid.

According to the Post, cops will "try to find its owner — and if not, they will snap a picture from the sidewalk. Using the car's license place to track down the owner's address, the precinct then sends the owner a flyer that says 'if we spot it, so can thieves' — and the picture taken by the cops."

So let me get this straight: the police will go out of their way to find drivers in order to help them keep their cars from getting broken into, but they won't do it to punish them for intentionally running over a cyclist?

Yeah, sounds about right.

Meanwhile, in Saudi Arabia--women can finally ride bicycles, but only for "entertainment," and not for
"transportation purposes:"


The official reportedly specified that women aren’t allowed to use bicycles for transportation purposes, “only for entertainment,” and they are being advised to avoid places where young men may congregate “to avoid harassment.”

I take this to mean that, while they can't do this:



They can do this:



Provided of course they wear the "full Islamic head-to-toe abaya," avoid any places where young men may congregate, and don't run an errand along the way.

Religion: always making sense.

163 comments:

Anonymous said...

That kangaroo's stem is too long Podium?

Anonymous said...

Ass Monkeys... ATTACK!!!

rj squirl said...

first?

Jasper said...

Early doors

Fritz said...

listen closely she said Fritz was sticking to her thighs...

Roille Figners said...

Scrotio (as opposed to podio).

"Yes, I'm a Taurus with Ducius rising, and Penus in Scrotio."

Astroluc said...

as smart as people who leave the doors to their home unlocked...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top Ten!

mariocoppaweenie said...

top ten

Anonymous said...

Garbage barge!

Strine said...

I think she said 'gelati', but that might be a bit of a stretch, and frankly, I wasn't paying so much attention to the words

Kai Vallon said...

That guy needs more of a coife with his chest hair, Hasselhoff style.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I think she said "July," but it very well could have been "Bike orgasm residue."

I'm just not sure.

Anonymous said...

That Aussie beauty was talking?? I'll have to watch it again (and again and again) and pay closer attention... Especially if she was talking about her thighs!

But what if I am a robot? riblpin 16938

cyclotourist said...

Never trust a religion that tells you how to dress.

And just laugh at the rest.

crosspalms said...

With a name like Hipwell, he was fated to run a trendy bike shop.

zonexima. sounds like a skin cream

Marcel Da Chump said...

Sticky thighs.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

babble on said...

Hoooray! Hot girls and orgasms. You do love us, don't you, snobbums?

db said...

Great Britain's Palins are way better than America's Palins.

Anonymous said...

Hey Hey out in the wilderness, and still Top XX??

babble on said...

It's gelati sticking to her thighs... that's something girls worry about when they've had a gelato a day for a few weeks.

Anonymous said...

Harsh words for the fixie crowd, something to the effect that fixie riders are all full of shit. Don't I recall you confessing to riding a fixie? And if so, isn't it time for you to do one of your "Oh,-yeah,-all-that-mean-shit-I-said-about-other-people-also-applies-to-me" things?

Euro Spondee said...

Babble, you don't need Snob to provide you with hot girls and orgasms do you? It always sounds like you are pretty self-sufficient in that department.

mikeweb said...

Sorry, I only leave cash in large bills on my car seat.

ChamoisJuice said...

CROC DUND

UPSI DOWN

Aussie women are both more beautiful, and more coarse than Canadians.

Anonymous said...

I hate it when my balls stick to my leg

DB said...

Thanks for the great videos today.
I don't know what they were about, but for some reason I feel the need to get some Knog lights.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

ha...
i was in a moslim country some years back, taking a stroll through a small town neighborhood. we were surrounded by a mob of little kids wanting their photos taken... so we indulged them.

at some point, this little 6 year old girl circled us on a bicycle... she looked like she was in heaven. happy and smiling. a little boy of her age looked at her, turned to us, and said, "do you see this? this is the end of the world! when girls can ride biycle..."

keeping that in mind, you can hardly imagine the HUGE implication this has on saudi 'culture'. before you know it, there will be abaya fixie fashion!

hail to allah and lob

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Yeast.

Yeast is sticking to her thighs.

11:41 - Snob was actually referring only to YOU - not the whole fixie crowd.

leroy said...

Dang, I'm out of shape. I can't even get near a top ten before reading the post.

(My dog asked if I had sprained my lips becuase that would slow me down seeing as I move my lips when I read. Note to self: no more asking him for help with the big words.)

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

i listened again and want to be clear...

in july, yeast sticks to her thighs

i hear that when the weather is warm, these things can happen

le Correcteur said...

Shit! Early and everyone's already taken the top thirty plus spots. Dopers, the lot of you!

ChamoisJuice said...


Goofy Rudder Effect

CRZY ARAB

babble on said...

Euro Spondee - you can never have too much of a good thing. Who knows? Maybe if you have enough orgasms you'll live forever...

3G said...

Is the number plate the new pie plate?

mikeweb said...

That CRZY ARAB video was amazing. Some super profound lyrics there.

Mach the fuck owda ya bike!

I think he hit on the Knog Sheila at a bar one time.

Roille Figners said...

You guys, I can't believe you don't clearly hear her say "Angelotti's" is sticking to her thighs. Angelotti's Pizza that is, of Monmouth NJ. Obviously she's having slices flown in, and then trying to eat one on a bike, with predictable results.

Flyover bike commuter said...

May I suggest a correction?

You may be going to Australia in late summer, but you'll be arriving in late winter.

JB said...

Fbc: that is a long flight!

CJ said...

She's not really Australian, she's not wearing the mandatory helment as required by law..

ken e. said...

gelati. moving to AUS, bye.

le Correcteur said...

Seems to me Inken might need to lower her saddle a tiny bit; or maybe Grant Petersen needs to sell her a larger frame. She's just lucky she was on a bike path instead of in traffic!

P. Bateman said...

first, that aussie chick is just absurdly gorgeous. as they all seem to be. lord i need to go down there.

second, did seeing that photo of the kangaroo punching someone make you want to see more live action kangaroos punching people? if so, here is what i've been watching:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36tBS6dXo-U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXluNllAqq0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRIYpAe0FfM

Anonymous said...

I think the NYPD would have better results if they adopted Gny. Sgt. Hartman's approach:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCNGaafnAGk

Anonymous said...

POSTing right over adulthood, hater!

Philly Bicycle Journal said...

Who cares what the Australian girl said, this commercial is even hotter than Victoria Secrets commercials.

grammarian rhymes with mammarian said...


P. Bateman said "Lord, I need to go down, there".

Don't you know that should never end a sentence in a preposition?

Anyway, I was thinking I could get stuck to her thigh for long enough to be an irritation. At least that's what my wife says.

CommieCanuck said...

So let me get this straight: the police will go out of their way to find drivers in order to help them keep their cars from getting broken into, but they won't do it to punish them for intentionally running over a cyclist?

Cyclists are cheap and plentiful, ipads are expensive.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to see part 3 of the the knog commercial, Fred having at Shiela silhouetted by a knog blinder. It's going to be beautiful.

Anonymous said...

FIXI OVER

TOUR BIKE

I don't care what's hot or not, just so long as ironic steel rims don't become the rage. Rant Pederson is poised to sell his lugged craft steeds again. Crafty.

yssurel

CommieCanuck said...

Ya know.. after watching that video, I but most of your female readers are looking for a 6mm allen wrench to raise their saddle about 2 inches as we speak.

Could you imagine if this could happen to men? We would have the fittest species on the planet and like 100,000 guys trying to do the Tour De France ...and don't even guess the numbers for Paris-Roubaix.

Clearly, the scranus is not an example of Intelligent Design.

Anonymous said...

are single speeds out of fashion also mr wildcat trend machine? That would be unfortunate as I ride mine all of the time, fun rides, commuting etc. I break out the carbon geared fred bike when I'm doing longer more taxing rides. I break out the vintage steel Italian road bike when I crave attention from strangers. I don't have a folding bike yet but will consider one if i ever become a circus clown.

Anonymous said...

@coomieconukc,
5mm you mean

Seattle_Mike said...

Thanks for the Nederandse videos, reminds me I love bicycling in Holland. (Both the normals riding and the teens!)

velobotomy said...

geek check!

Dooth said...

I bet that Sheila has never met a coldcock.

Anonymous said...

moist panties for everyone!

Anonymous said...

Bruce needs to shift out of the little ring, his frantic bow legs are sad.

Sheila needs to put some muscle on those sticks, oh wait, we applaud that catwalk frailty.

I need to get down undah asap.

Spencer Smith said...

Is it just me, or in that Knog video does the girl "lock" her bike by running the chain over the top tube and through the wheel?

ChamoisJuice said...

Aussie girls on holiday in Thailand = easier than making fun of triatheletes.


Speaking of which, Lance is now a pro tri-geek.

Slick Swingstar aka The King of Park Slope said...

Tom Hipwell ... sounds made up.

McFly said...

Sunscreen? I have some......................................................................................................................................................................................................................sun.................................................................screen.

Lone(ly) lobo said...

My wife responds to bike rides and sex in almost exactly the same way... but not the same way as Inken.

For example she'll say...

This better not take more than ten minutes!

You always start out too slow! (like that's a problem)

I can't keep up! (after the warm up)

Does everything have to be the tour de france (or a marathon) with you?

Why don't you go by yourself!

It hurts my back (or other body part).

It's too hot! (never stopped me)

It's too windy! (???)

It's too cold! (it goes without saying, but it still never stopped me)

I have too much baggage! (it goes without saying, some more)

But,
never once has she suggested I find someone else to "ride" with.



Comment deleted said...

Thanks for the kangaroo-punchout vids, Ms. Bateman. I'm down with a cold and it's raining, but nothing cheers me up like some quality kangaroo boxing.

Anonymous said...

The "netherlands" don't appear to be stimulated by biking. Maybe they need to reposition their seats and hadlebars.

babble on said...

Lonely Lobo- clearly your wife doesn't understand the benefits of either cycling or sex. Maybe if you point out how the two together will slow her ageing process considerably you might find she's more interested.

babble on said...

anon @ 1:58 - I think they're just used to it, so they save their orgasms for night time...that's what I do.

Christo said...

As a dinky-di 'strayan, I can confirm she said 'Gelati' sticking to her thighs.

Anonymous said...

count me as one who never gave up my beloved gear shifting.

Anonymous said...

Thanks p bateman, for the Kangaroo footage. Who knew kangaroos were such surly assholes? Like an angry drunk.

ChamoisJuice said...

kangaroos = aussies

aussies = surly drunks

therefore

kangaroos = surly drunks

CHRIS KOVARIK

flip_flop_fly said...

Spense at April 4, 2013 at 1:35 PM

#1 there was a lock in that video? I have to watch it again and see if I can find that and the bike rumored to be in the clip.

#2 You don't understand how stuff works for hot girls. Assuming there was a locking moment in that video, a string would be sufficient.

Maybe you need some extra Testosterone? I hear Lance Armstrong gets the good patches from Hein Verbruggen.

Fritz said...

Fixed gear failed in Blighty because they wore out their shoes trying to stop without brakes...Silly Cyclist

CommieCanuck said...

...and they said my vibrating seatpost was a dumb idea...I coulda been the next Zuckerberg with that one.

TheLurker said...

"... in order to insure a steady supply of tea:..."
Ahem. I think you meant, "ensure" old boy. Carry on.

Lonely lobo said...

Babble, I already tried the physical and emotional benefits angle.

For health and well -being she prefers pills (prozac and food supplements), avoids meat (clearly a source of friction, uh, I mean no friction between us), and the faddish gluten free diet.

She always refuses my offers to adjust the ergos to better suit her. She allowed me to replace the knobbies with a slick, a change she's happy with.

And she's happier during the summer when she bikes to work. I'm sad to say that we go in opposite directions on our daily commutes.

Maybe she needs to read your blog.

Touring Bike Lover said...

Wow, seems the Londoners are behind Los Angeles. About 3 years ago, I noticed the the fixie kids were all buying Long Haul Truckers; I called the touring bike "fixie 2.0."

It's in bad taste to boast, but still . . .

Roille FIgners said...

Once I discovered gear-shifty bikes at the age of 12, and the fact that they let me go faster, further, easier up hills, etc., I never looked back. On the other hand, you know what goes the fastest, furthest, and easiest up hills? A car. So, it's kind of funny how those who over-invest in an over-complex solution (cars) are suckers, yet those who go for an overly simple one (fixies) are also suckers. But if you're right in the middle, you get to make fun of both the extremes.

fixicop 1719

I shit you not!

Anonymous said...

More pedaling and less coasting will fix any lankiness in Sheila's legs.

P. Bateman said...

i'm thinking about starting an underground fighting circuit that pits kangaroos that are....hopped up...on drugs against any hipster that would like to try his/her luck.

Anonymous said...

Lobo, if the sex sucks, it's usually because someone's pissed-off, which in your wife's case might be because of your wonderful sensitivity/respect e.g. her diet is "faddish."

Or in today's world it might be childhood sexual abuse. Look into it. That would turn me off of exercise, meat, vulvanal rubbing, sex and husbands, no question. And make me need Prozac, which by the way, is a bunch of crap, despite what I said about respecting her diet.

That'll be $120.

Anonymous said...

Rule 1 of Kangaroo Fight Club is, you don't talk about Kangaroo Fight Club.

Dylan Nicholson said...

Definitely 'gelatis' (yes, the dreaded double plural) sticking to her thighs. And that video is shot in my home city...don't come in here for winter though, unless you like grey skies and damp weather (but nothing so much exciting as a snowflake).

Anonymous said...

I WAN TO GO TO AUSTRALIAR.
RIDE A CURVY BLACK BIEK.

DB said...

The only Fixie I ever rode was a Schwinn Sting Ray in green with slicks. Wish I still had it.
Traded it in on a yellow Schwinn Continental.
Ten speeds, 30 pounds and cables everywhere.

bikesgonewild said...

...aussie sheilas name is cassie lee lapthorne...

...it wouldn't even be fitting for me to make a joke about that young lovlies last name...

...mcfly ???...anyone ???...

Lone(ly) Lobo said...

Anon @3:13

1). I (and counselors, doctors and psychiatrists) have considered all your suggested causes.

2). I have supported every one of her faddish diets without complaint, often to my detriment.

3). The only common factor among all the things (or people) that piss her off, is her. I can also assure you that that trying to empathize with her pisses her off.

4). Among the the pros' diagnoses are that she has borderline personality disorder, she's depressed, she has social anxiety, and she's bipolar. No one has offered a cause.

5). My posts were meant to be humorous, with the proverbial grain of truth. Frankly, I am trying to find any humor at all in my situation. After seeing Inken, I found an outlet here.

7). Dare I ask what you'd buy with the $120?

8). Last, you aren't my wife are you?

Anonymous said...

for the seppo's with no sense of humour or hearing from yank land, the girl in the video was talking about protection for her bike, from drop bears.
Not only do the cuddly f.ckers drop out of trees and tear your bloody throat out, they've started stealing bikes also. That's a knog koala lock.

Now go back to polishing your guns seppo's, we have drop bears to look out for over here .

google image them

ChamoisJuice said...

WHY SO YAHOO SERIOUS?

GO DRINK A FOSTERS AND COOL OFF TOUGH GUY!

Australia's greatest cntribution to world culture: invention of the word
SWAG

Comment deleted said...

Bruce, remember that we have a reader here who has bunny-hopped a jararaca, so we're not so easily impressed by drop bears.

Drop jararacas -- now that would keep me off the bike.

bikesgonewild said...

...lone(ly) lobo...

...if you were a triathlete, instead of just a cyclist, you'd have three distinct personalities for your wife's multiple personalities to choose from...

...simply a matter of you being too one dimensional, amigo...

...keep the $120 bucks...you're gonna need it to buy more gear...

Anonymous said...

Lobes (saying it like that cuz as far as I'm concerned we're officially bros now) -
I'm not your wife I promise, but that's hilarious. I think you might have a serious problem on your hands. Why stay?

Anonymous said...

WCRM, Get over the fixies, the new death belongs to fat bikes. Walmart is killing those also, and the mtb crowd is howling with rage.

Anonymous said...

Lonely Lobo,

Maybe your wife needs some… streamers, an animal spirit guide, gentle ass rubbing, some gelato dripping on her thigh, beer, gluten.... That is a short list based on my preferences.

If you want your wife to read a bike blog of substance you might have better luck with:
Lovelybike / Bikeyface/ Bikinginheels/ Girlsandbicycles/ Bikefancy……….
>sorry blabble : (

Maybe y’all can bond over a little bike themed “craft” project!
Start by printing a BIKESNOBNYC blog post, change the font color to pink, add some pretty sparkly stickers, and collage over the “offensive” pictures with clip art of puppies and kittens on bikes. You can let her read it when she is period-ing all over herself and eating gluten-free chocolates.

*cough*

Sorry.

Most importantly, Bike riding is not for everyone.
You should never make someone you LIKE or LOVE feel like poop because they don’t want to do something YOU like.

-MLE

Doofus McGuinty said...

Every sperm is sacred http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRqSV00h7Ak

JD said...

Snob, maaaaaaaaaate. We'd love to see you in Australia any time. Summer unfortunately is over, but winter riding here in Sydney is grouse as well. Don't get put off by the 14 degree maximum temp - that's celcius Bruce! Be thrilled to take you on a Fredtastic ride through the Sydney bush - plenty of opportunities to see kangaroos, wombats, possums and goannas on a cruisey Saturday ride.

Anonymous said...

OK just for the record Lobes, I'm the first, only-slightly-douchey Anonymous, not the even-more-douchey Anonymous. So hard to keep us straight!

Lone Lobo said...

BGW.. If I was a try-athlete I'd be wobbly-or is it unbalanced-on the bike. I have my fill of unbalanced.

Besides, I'm a lone lobo. I'd have to adapt my commuterized hybrid/comfort bike into a try-bike. Blasphemy, I say. I guess I could ride my 30 year old centurion, but it's too old school.

Anyway, this ain't no group therapy. That's what Club Fred rides are for.

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, hey !!!...

...just sayin'...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Lone Lobo, DTMFA. Leave her and take up with a hotty half her age. It is, after all, a tale as old as time...

Lone Lobo said...

Anonymous@4:46

Been there, done almost all of that.

She loves her highly accessorized, and always evolving bike. She likes to ride too, just not more than 30minutes at a time and under nearly perfect weather conditions.







DB said...

Don't know what the record is for Thursday commenting, but I think we're about 30 away from it.
More advice for Lobo, more Aussie lore, and more dirndls, dammit!

Frilly Chick said...

Lone Lobo-Get thee to the nearest Whole Foods (or other natural store) and buy your wife some vegan chocolates & flowers. And would it kill you to go for a walk with her occasionally? Unless you're already doing so, then my bad.

Frilly Chick said...

And, ummm, thanks Snobbie, I guess, for the male cleavage.

You're getting closer!

Murph said...

GDAY MATE

make sure you come to Melbourne.
Sydney's shit.

Frilly Chick said...

And, bgw, guy across the hall just gave me some Cardinals tickets, so he is forgiven for any loutish thoughts he may have been having.

bikesgonewild said...

...whatever...

babble on said...

Lone Lobo - All kidding aside, my condolences. Borderline personality disorder is really serious, and people who have it tend to be both abusive of those around them, and unable to understand that they have a problem. The fact that she is diagnosed is a good sign, but damned, there aren't many conditions more difficult to treat.

Borderlines are also nearly impossible to leave, because they are very Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, and just as soon as they sense you pulling away, they pull out the charm. They are exceptionally charming.

Yikes.

How's your support network?

Roille Figners said...

Lobo: KILL HER.

Nonono, but definitely DTMFA like somebody said!

JB said...

Frilly, is he coming with you? Ha.

Do you need a partner? Forget it, I couldn't [successfully] explain that to my wife.

Lone Lobo said...

4365Frilly,
Already done. She hates gluten free foods. Doesn't stop us from eating them though. I have no problem wiht or without them.

I had an uncle that died from Lou Gehrig's. Seems the disease is caused when gluten somehow blocks signal transmission between nerves.

After diagnosis, he went gluten free and still died.

Lone Lobo said...

Babble,.. the stories I could tell woulf curdle your blood, but i gotta go.

Frilly Chick said...

Shame JB, they are 1st Base Field Box.

You going to the Trailnet thing Saturday night?

robflyte said...

sure come to Australia, Melbourne bike share are giving away helmets to try and get customers, you can take it home with you if you like.
But I'd rather you came to Sydney.

Frilly Chick said...

And no, he is not coming with me. I don't think he could successfully explain that to his wife either.

wishiwasmerckx said...

So, apparently if you want to get to first base with Frilly, it requires at least Cardinal tickets.

(Sorry, my love, but that was a fastball over the middle of the plate. I had to take a swing at it.)

lone lobo said...

In the interest of high post count, I'll continue.

Babble, after many years I think it's probably Bipolar. Some of the BPD-like behaviors are shared by her sisters and mother. It's just their lovely personalities.

As you described though, she filed for divorce 10 months ago, but has been dragging out the process. She can really great when she wants something, or the bitch from hell under a variety of other circumstances.

*important safety tip. Never refer, even jokingly, to demon possession unless you want to have a heated discussion with said demons.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Frills, is that the First Base "do not put anything in my flower" Box?

babble on said...

Borderlines are shaped by both genetics and environment so the fact that her sisters are equally lovely really doesn't change the equation. Bipolar, on the other hand, is strictly genetic, but bipolars tend to be hospitalised at regular intervals as they end up in a state of psychosis, whereas borderlines don't. You know that old saying "Neurotics build castles in the sky... psychotics live there"...? Bipolars live there, so they end up in care.

Both problems definitely share a fuckload of characteristics with demonic possession, though, so no matter what kind of problem she has, we know for a fact that you have not had an easy time of it.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

WCRM, you are scaring the hipsters who still ride fixies. You know when several of them show up here all defensive and stuff, they are afraid they might not still be "cool."

the commentariat said...

Never would have equated Babble On with a Professor of Psychology, but she knows more than a casual amount about these subjects.

Nurse Ratchet? Paging Nurse Ratchet?

PS, don't even want to know what you know about demonic possession.

Comment deleted said...

commentariat, compassion is compassion, and Babble has always exhibited truckloads of it. It's even more endearing than her calves.

ken e. said...

upvoting above comment! soggy out.

ken e. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grump said...

That bike orgasm short video is in my top 5 cycling shorts. My number #1 is a commercial from some 10 years ago, for either Fiat or VW, where some Fred stops at a stoplight, and instead of putting his foot down, puts his hand on the car's fender. After the third time the driver comes to a quick stop, just as the Fred reaches out to grab the fender again. They don't show it, but I would guess that the driver quickly runs over the downed Fred.
.

Fritz said...

Grump

that was a Fiat Commercial

riededE 311

Frilly Chick said...

Ha, wiwm, on both counts! If it wasn't casual Friday tomorrow I would consider wearing the magically unbuttoning dress.

THNX 4TIX

babble on said...

Ha! Yeah, well, I did mention my family tree is of the nut variety, right? Even a girl with very few brain cells learns a thing or two when she's faced with the facts over the span of a few decades!

No, you don't want to know what I know about demonic possession, but then the pope is expected to have a thorough understanding of the matter, right?

ce said...

Snob, as you are checking through customs at Didyabringyagrogalong International Airport (DIX) you will be issued with your official Australian name. This is a name that you will be required to answer to for the duration of your stay, or risk deportation.

No need to fear though, it's usually not a big deal, they will probably just retrofit your existing name with a diminutive/depreciative suffix - for example, Bruce may be changed to Brucie. Sure, many languages feature these, but in Australia they are mandatory, just like "pushie" or "treadly" (bicycle) helmos (helmets - I just made that up, but if used in context a fellow Aussie would know what I'm talking about). If your name is already, or converts into an internationally common hypocorism (Freddy/Johnny/Mickey), or if it just doesn't sound ridgy didge (Eben =/= Ebeny), the "y" may be added to your surname instead. In Australia, you will most likely be known as "Weissy".

If adding a "y" won't work, the next option would be to add an "o". For example, our Prime Minister's name is Julia Gillard, "Julie" is already a common name internationally and "Gillardy" doesn't sound dinky-di, so the proper title with which to address the Prime Minister is "Gillo" (remember this, because you will be the biggest celebrity to visit since Oprah and will most likely receive an official welcoming ceremony). "Johno" is a perfect example of the "o" being added to a first name, "Ebbo" would be a less likely but still valid strayaficiation of Eben.

There are further intricacies to the system, which I won't go into (this is the best explanation I could find), but just quickly, Bret could go either way (Bretty or Bretto) and Warren, Darren, Sharron and Barry become Wazza, Dazza, Shazza and Bazza (Barack also becomes Bazza). If all else fails, just call real mates "Cunt", call real cunts "Mate" and anyone in between call "Cobber"/"Cob" or "Digger"/"Dig" and she'll be right.

Fat-bottomed Girl said...

As it seems to be shot in Melbourne, Knog forgot the bit where Gelati-Mumble-Thighs gets caught in the helmet law crackdown and Bruce-Fred gets hit by a tram while he's slow motion staring at her crack.

Also they cut out Bruce-Fred's voice over where he says, "Farrrk. Saw some tits, ran over a tourist. Actually, it was a pretty ordinary night."

Lumpen fredetariat said...

Frilly - magicaly unbuttoning dress? I would certainly trade a pic of that for what I was offering yesterday

Euro Spondee said...

ce - that was outstandingly funny, especially the mate and cunts part. I would assume he would just become Snobbo though

Anonymous said...

Don't pay any attention to all these travel advisories from Australians littering these comments, Snobby. They're all travel agent hucksters looking to grift you.

As noted by others, it will be winter here, which means the beaches will be frozen over and the boxing kangaroos will be hibernating. With the current exchange rate a can of coke will cost you about US$13.87 and that time of year is peak Anti-American season.

You best not come at all.

Stay where you are.

April 5, 2013 at 3:06 PM AEDT

Lone Lobo said...

Babble, you asked about my support network. Apparently it has been developing all day.

Just kidding. My church has christian based discussion groups. It's not therapy but its effectively theraputic.

I wanted to get into a boundaries group, But ironically, a codependence group had encroached into the boundaries room.

I sat in and figured it would work for me. And anyway, setting up boundaries and sticking to them is what got us into our current 3 year long soap opera.

Two weeks after joining the group, I got back on the bike after nearly a two year layoff. The time off was partially precipitated by a bad day of commuting, which included almost running over a skunk and then getting t-boned by jackass in a pickup ten minutes later.

That afternoon I went home to find my wife gone and divorce papers on my desk (a bluff). My sister said all in all it turned out to be my lucky day.

I appreciate the info, and as a professional I understand there was no real compassion intended.
No quarter asked in any case.

Anonymous said...

And there will be an election campaign around that time. Which means rioting, widespread arson, food shortages, intermittent electricity, corpses floating by the Sydney Opera House...

There's no such thing as "mandatory" helment laws here, they're just a tragic necessity.

Stay Away!


April 5, 2013 at 3:23 PM AEDT

Bernie Carpenter said...

She is saying Gelatis … which is utter bullshit because : A) We eat ice-cream in Australia, and B) it drips onto your hands and down your arms, not onto your thighs.

More bullshit from that video includes :
1. Cycling more than 10 feet on an Australian road without some bogan in a ute trying to run her over.
2. Cycling 5 feet down the road without some prick shouting at her for not wearing a stupid fucking helmet
3. Slaving all spring to earn the money for the bike - She would have earned the money for the bike in the summer break as we don’t have a break in spring .
4. Deliberately rolling her “r” when she said “Liberty” at the end – there is no way a private school educated young lady from Melbourne would say the word liberty with the “r” over emphasized like that.
5. “Rolling down a boulevard” - I don’t think I have ever heard someone (other than in an American movie) use the word “boulevard”. If she said “boulevard” in an actual conversation, people would laugh at her.
6. Seeing a young bloke drinking coffee alone in a cafĂ© – he’d be off somewhere getting pissed with his mates and watching the footie.

ce said...

Euro Spondee, I'm not sure what you find so funny about one of the world's great cultures, but yes you are correct, "Snobbo" rolls off the tongue beautifully. Of course the customs officials will only work with the name on the passport, unless he brings along adequate supporting documentation to prove the alias "Snob" has a history of use in excess of 5 years.

Anon 12:06, Why would you be so pessimistic and exaggerate like that? You'll scare him off and we won't even get a look at his fancy, big city "shoes". If the ocean completely froze over as you claim then there wouldn't be any pools of water for the colourful Serrated Poison Box Jellyfish to gather in at the peak of The Frenzy, how ridiculous. The fact is that well over half of visitors return home satisfied and alive.

The Assman said...

Fat-Bottom Girl,

Call me.

Anonymous said...

Like they said Snobbo,
Come on down, Cunt of a time of year and Melbourne is full of wankers so best stick to Sydney.
LUV
Chuckster

CJ said...

Bernie, you have to cut the producers of the knog video some slack, if it was an accurate depiction of australia it would've looked more like this- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRPXcecP7dY

CJ said...

Anon, "stick" to Sydney? If melbourne has all the wankers then why is Sydney so sticky? Thats not gelati stains on Sydneys cargo shorts....

Bruce Wattle Bottle said...

Yeah come on down, but don't bring ya fuckin helment because it won't be legal here and you'll be a criminal.

http://www.rta.nsw.gov.au/roadsafety/bicycles/helmetandgear.html

BTW, to the sheila in the clip, nice tits luv, shame about the gelatis* dripping down ya leg.

*it's a euphemism...

Lick it Off Wussification Fox News Babe said...

Sticky Thighs and Sticky Buns, YUM, YUM.

Bernie Carpenter said...

CJ very true. Your clip is a much more accurate representation , and I doubt the charming ladies in that clip would sell too many bike locks ... I just find it annoying to see Australia represented as cycling nirvana when we're the only people in the world stupid enough to introduce a mandatory helmet law (as well as, apparently, being the country responsible for the ute)

Crocodile Dundee Down Under said...

Is it against the law for women in Saudi Arabia to give head?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Lone Lobo,

I'll say it without sugar coating it... get the f- out of it. and i can only be blunt due to personal experience.

look at yourself and ask yourself what you want and what can make YOU happy. and go from there.

babble on said...

Lobo - I saw a skunk on the way home yesterday, too... they have a lolloping gait...

I certainly do wish you all the best-peace.

CE, Bernie, et al - fuck you guys are funny. Thanks for the laughs!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

One more for the tally.

148

Barrington Womble said...

Bible thumping evangelistic heavyweight boxing kangaroo?

Anonymous said...

Kangacocked!

Roille Figners said...

You guys this seriously has to be a record... 152 comments. Anyone know what the record is?

JB said...

Good luck, Lone Lobo.

ce said...

Thanks babble on. Sorry I called you a paedophile the other week.

Anonymous said...

ce @ April 5, 2013 at 1:55 AM,

It is out of love for our Snobby that I try to keep him away.

As you know Snobby is nobody's fool, but he is a little naive -- it's a reflection of his gracious nature and the Disney influence. I'm worried he'll be one of 30~40% of visitors to Australia who never leave alive.

If the Redbacks don't get him, the Bluebottles will.

I hadn't thought of his shoes, though... You know, if something did happen, we could keep his shoes!

Yeah! Come on down, Snobby. Can't wait to see you. I'll make you a Pavlova and everything!

April 6, 2013 at 11:04 AM AEDT

Elevator Service, Going Down? said...

Croc Dundee @ 844, Can women legally give head in Saudi Arabia? : Only if they get a license at the Department of Motor Vehicles first.

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