Wednesday, March 13, 2013

It's Future Wednesday, And It Sucks.

In case you haven't noticed, we're living in the future.  For instance, consider that smartphone you're always rubbing.  That's how you know we're living in the future, because that's future shit.

Sometimes I love living in the future.  For example, in the future we have the Internet, which is incredible.  Every day we upload the sum total of all human knowledge onto this thing, where it becomes readily accessible to everybody in the world except the Chinese, the North Koreans, and women in Islamic countries.  Sure, as it turns out, the sum of all human knowledge mostly consists of "fail" videos, but it's still pretty amazing

On the other hand, the future kind of sucks, too.  We may have the Internet, but arguably that's the only real improvement, and there's a strong case to be made that we're simply living in a lamer version of the 1980s that has Wi-Fi.  Also, there was a time when the counterculture was actually interesting. Punk rock.  Black power.  LSD freakouts.  Ken Kesey and his "Merry Pranksters."  Now, we just have these assholes called "minimalists," and here's another one to which I was alerted by many readers:



I LIVE in a 420-square-foot studio. I sleep in a bed that folds down from the wall. I have six dress shirts. I have 10 shallow bowls that I use for salads and main dishes. When people come over for dinner, I pull out my extendable dining room table. I don’t have a single CD or DVD and I have 10 percent of the books I once did.

Good for you.  You're not special.  You're a typical single Manhattanite.  Nobody has CDs anymore, you might as well boast about not owning a bellows or a chamberpot.  Six dress shirts is actually a lot.  Also, it's called a "Murphy bed."  It's nothing special either.  Charlie Chaplin was doing schtick with one a hundred years ago.  Fascinating about your extendable dining room table.  When people come over to Mario Cipollini's apartment for dinner, he pulls out his extendable penis:


("Jeeves, fetch the leaf for Little Mario, we have company tonight.")

Nevertheless, even though he's not remotely special, he thinks he's special, because he made lots of money when he was young and went on the world's lamest spending spree:

To celebrate, I bought a four-story, 3,600-square-foot, turn-of-the-century house in Seattle’s happening Capitol Hill neighborhood and, in a frenzy of consumption, bought a brand-new sectional couch (my first ever), a pair of $300 sunglasses, a ton of gadgets, like an Audible.com MobilePlayer (one of the first portable digital music players) and an audiophile-worthy five-disc CD player. And, of course, a black turbocharged Volvo. With a remote starter!

The first red flag here is that he uses the words "Seattle" and "happening" in the same sentence.  Moving to the "happening" neighborhood in Seattle is like ordering the "artisan" bread at Subway.  Then he uses $300 sunglasses as a symbol of consumer excess.  Please.  That's entry-level when it comes to Fred optics.  And a Volvo, really?  When you're a young douchebag who suddenly falls into a pile of money you're supposed to buy a Porsche or a Ferrari, numbnuts.  Basically, it sounds like after striking it rich he decided to live the life of a 45 year-old schoolteacher.

But then he really went wild:

I was working hard for Sitewerks’ new parent company, Bowne, and didn’t have the time to finish getting everything I needed for my house. So I hired a guy named Seven, who said he had been Courtney Love’s assistant, to be my personal shopper. 

Seven?  Like in "Seinfeld?"  I realize that after Kurt Cobain killed himself Courtney Love was the only celebrity left in Seattle, but even so hiring her assistant makes as much sense as hiring Michael Jackson's physician.

Needless to say, Seven turned this guy's upper middle class conservative lifestyle into a nightmare:

My life was unnecessarily complicated. There were lawns to mow, gutters to clear, floors to vacuum, roommates to manage (it seemed nuts to have such a big, empty house), a car to insure, wash, refuel, repair and register and tech to set up and keep working.

Maybe if you'd fired Seven and hired a gardener and a housekeeper then you wouldn't have had these problems.  And what's with the roommates?  Haven't you ever heard of a dog or a cat?  Getting a pet is Sad Single Person 101 for chrissakes.  Walking a dog or cleaning out a litter box in between lonely wanking sessions in your giant house would have given your life meaning.


It got worse. Soon after we sold our company, I moved east to work in Bowne’s office in New York, where I rented a 1,900-square-foot SoHo loft that befit my station as a tech entrepreneur. The new pad needed furniture, housewares, electronics, etc. — which took more time and energy to manage.

AND because the place was so big, I felt obliged to get roommates — who required more time, more energy, to manage.

More roommates?!?

Then he meets Olga:

I DON’T know that the gadgets I was collecting in my loft were part of an aberrant or antisocial behavior plan during the first months I lived in SoHo. But I was just going along, starting some start-ups that never quite started up when I met Olga, an Andorran beauty, and fell hard. My relationship with stuff quickly came apart.


I followed her to Barcelona when her visa expired and we lived in a tiny flat, totally content and in love before we realized that nothing was holding us in Spain. We packed a few clothes, some toiletries and a couple of laptops and hit the road. We lived in Bangkok, Buenos Aires and Toronto with many stops in between.

Surprise!  All the dorky guy with the Volvo and the roommates needed was to get laid.  Who'd have thunk it?




I’m still a serial entrepreneur, and my latest venture is to design thoughtfully constructed small homes that support our lives, not the other way around. Like the 420-square-foot space I live in, the houses I design contain less stuff and make it easier for owners to live within their means and to limit their environmental footprint. My apartment sleeps four people comfortably; I frequently have dinner parties for 12. My space is well-built, affordable and as functional as living spaces twice the size. As the guy who started TreeHugger.com, I sleep better knowing I’m not using more resources than I need. I have less — and enjoy more.

My space is small. My life is big.

Let me tell you something.  Your "thoughtfully constructed" 420-square-foot space is not functional or comfortable for more than one person, nor is it "as functional as living spaces twice the size."  Sure, maybe your 12 miserable dinner guests lie to you and say that they're comfortable--or, more likely, they're the types of uptight people who don't mind sitting ramrod-straight around an extendable dining table while clenching their sphincters.  However, normal people who like to eat a big meal and then relax on the couch are fucking miserable.  Just because you bought a bunch of lame shit when you were younger and now like to putter around in a tiny box folding and unfolding modular furniture doesn't mean you're saving the world from itself, in the same way that being in AA doesn't mean the rest of us can't keep drinking.  I eat sandwiches bigger than your apartment, and that's the way I like it.


And that's not all that sucks about the future.  Not only do we have to listen to rich minimalists who are wracked with buyer's remorse, but soon we're also going to be wearing disposable hats--at least according to this promotional email I received:


Hi There, 

I hope all is well! A quick Veloce update: We have just launched our Superveloce Collection. The Superveloce Collection is the world's first disposable hat collection. We believe that single-use clothing is the wave of the future in terms of party attire. After conducting market research we discovered that our primary demographic purchases our hats for a specific reason-either a party, concert, or greek event. With this in mind, we concluded that the price point of our hat for these loyal customers may be a bit high. As such we created a single use line that is visually identical to our Partyme Collection, our most popular collection. We have launched with our two most popular colors, Electric Blue & Lime Green. Each hat is offered at the incredibly low price of $4.99. That is at least a 75% price reduction if compared to our regular lines.  The new hats feature a more flexible brim, and even lighter weight crinkle taslan material. I've attached our line sheet with more information. 

Hmmm, in the old days we used to call those "painter's caps."  Oh, here's what the hats look like:



I haven't seen a model that humiliated since Wikipedia nonplussed bib shorts guy:


Wait, holy crap!  Disposable bib shorts!  I'd better get a Kickstarter going!

Perhaps the worst thing about the future though is how stupid road bikes have become, though a reader tells me you can now own this Specialized Venge Schmenge for "only" $6,100:


(Saddle pre-tilted for your convenience.)

Venge Pro full carbon race road bike - $6100 (vallejo / benicia)


PRICE REUCTION TO MOVE THIS BRAND NEW BIKE NOW!
This is THE 2012 Venge Pro full 10R race carbon road bike with 126 miles on it. She is a size 56cm, one month old and flawless!! She has full ultegra components with.... get this... the Ui2 electronic shifting. That alone with all the components wire harnesses programmer, battery, charger, etc is $1700 not installed. One of the coolest things about this shifting is not only can you shift under full load with no chain slap, but when shifting the rears it automatically trims the front derailers thus never rubbing. This is THE premier bike to own. Not only does it dominate in the time trials, but is crazy light at 16.5lbs. She has full one piece carbon aero bars with a removable carbon computer "T" extension tree, even the bar ends are carbon. The cranks are Fact Carbon, the forks.. Fact carbon, wheels are race carbon and balanced. This bike is so sweet and fast. Super stiff and all new ceramic bearings from the BB to the hubs and even the guide sprockets all have ceramic bearings. I am including a brand new set of Garmin race jersey and padded shorts along with the pictured Specialized set. I am even including a the set of Time iClick pedals and specialized carbon race shoes and cleats size 44.5.
The Venge pro is no longer being offered with all the goodines that this one has on it. She was a special order bike that I hate to see go, but I'm taking my skydiving to a whole new level and buying a BASE rig and upgrading my wingsuit and need the money which is why I am including ALL the other things, even extra tubes, the bottle and cage, shoes, shorts, jerseys, Giro carbon helmet, i click pedals and cleats even an extra stem and the original bars. Thanks for looking (707) three three4-35 six nine. I also have a Carbon Tarmac for sale here if you are just looking for a carbon roadbike that performs well and has new parts on it.


Yes, that's right, his loss is your gain, because he's committing all his disposable income towards becoming the biggest Sky Fred he can be.  By the way, I had to look up "wingsuit," and here's what I found:


That's awesome.  He looks like some kind of intergalactic space bishop.

Indeed, he's so desperate that he's including his disgusting used clothes:


And he's even using the latest in persuasive sales tactics, such as this cockpit shot complete with disembodied feet:


I'm pretty sure he's sporting the foot tattoo/anklet combo too:


As I understand it, you get a foot tattoo and an anklet free with your subscription to "Outside" magazine.

Anyway, I'm willing to bet this guy declares himself a minimalist in six months.

Lastly, as everybody knows, the trendy bicycle of the future is the so-called "fat bike," though if you prefer something a bit more "classic" for your snowy adventures then you could do worse than this contraption which was forwarded to me by another reader:




RALEIGH FRAMED PROFFESIONALY  CONVERTED SNOW BIKE !!!

NOVALTY ITEM  THAT I HAVE NO USE FOR THAT WAS FOUND IN A HOUSE CLEARANCE

IN VERY GOOD CONDITION

JUST ADD SNOW !!!

ITEM IS LOCATED IN THE THIRSK/YORK AREA

COLECTION IN PERSON ONLY

99P START  COME GRAB A BARGAIN

UK BIDDERS ONLY PLEASE

THANKS


Stem's a little long though.

135 comments:

dcdouglas said...

podium!

Anonymous said...

!

Anonymous said...

ASS Monkeys…ATTACK!!!

RB1 said...

duckduct

Anonymous said...

So close!

babble on said...

Is is Wednesday already??!

agentdetroit said...

top ten, bitches!

Anonymous said...

hi

crosspalms said...

SNOW BIKE

awesome

delusionalized said...

hey, the also don´t have internet in Cuba. and now with the death of ch├ívez the won´t have electricity either.

RB1 said...

i'm a cereal entrepreneur. i live in a small room with twelve shallow spoons and an afghan named olga.

Fritz said...

Sky Freds led by their minimalist overlords... the horror

"The Future ain't what it used to be.

YB

Scranus said...

duckduct

goose

Anonymous said...

Panties!

babble on said...

Everyone just needs to get laid! The world would be a much happier place...

grog said...

Window Babe!

mikeweb said...

As long as that ski bike was professionally converted, I'll consider it.

babble on said...

Everyone just needs to get laid! The world would be a much happier place...

Marcel Da Chump said...

Taking the future to a whole new level...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Flying Squirrel Wednesday

babble on said...

Cheers, Grog! I missed that...

Anonymous said...

I would never buy anything called a "novalty" item. If you can't spell, it won't sell. (Johnny Cochran will be reincarnated as an English teacher in his future life as punishment for his part in getting OJ off.)

Mehjor Taylor said...

If you cross Minimalist Environmentalist Guy with Disposable Hat Guy it might be like crossing the beams in Ghostbusters. Bad...very bad.

Anonymous said...

Several LOL moments, Bike Snob NYC! Thanks for the fun.

Anonymous said...

MORECRAPPYPHOTOSORIMAFUCKINKILLYA!!!

Mitchell the Bat said...

That's some high order ranting you've got going there, Mr. Snob.

Thank you and consider yourself bookmarked.

Anonymous said...

You seem a little cranked up today.

Anonymous said...

dinner for 12 with plate/bowls for 10??

Anonymous said...

What's a 'greek event' and why does it need disposable clothing ?

Anonymous said...

dinner for 12 with 10 "shallow bowls" between them?

i call bullshit.

Anonymous said...

saw this one coming when I read the article this weekend . . .

ge said...

Intergalactic space bishop today,Intergalactic space pope tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Another good one! You still got it, Snob.

mikeweb said...

Dear 420 s.f. Apartment guy:

420 square feet? Really?? You must be popular with the Wednesday crowd. Anyway, I live in a 900 s.f. apartment with 3 other people and 2 cats. AND, only 2 of us have to sleep in the same room. Well, really it's more that we want to sleep in the same room, but lets not split hairs. Lastly, how is Olga these days?

mikeweb said...

Whenever I see that photo of non-plussed bib shorts guy, I always think I see a faded mustard stain on his white under shirt. At least I think it's mustard.

crosspalms said...

ge,
I like that profile picture.

Billy said...

http://velocehats.com/images/w3.jpg

Veloce doesn't even take new pictures with nonplussed disposable hat model. They just shop in the new brim behind his head!

Buffalo Bill said...

So, you're supposed to wear a disposable hat to a greek event? Is that like a toga party? Do they still have toga parties?

So many questions...askedku 201

JB said...

While painter's cap guy looks humiliated, I think bib shorts guy looks confident and proud.

ken e. said...

nostradammit! best sentence of the week goes to "I eat sandwiches bigger than your apartment,"

JB said...

Minimalist guy is your standard douche-bag, can we agree? He gets some f-you money and shows everyone his true douche nature. That is, the stuff he acquired are symptoms of his douchedom. By getting rid of them, he remains a douche, and could be transforming into a preaching douche - the worst kind.

Holding in the vomit and swallowing it back down doesn't cure the flu.

Now I've got to go eat some lunch.

Scranus Aurelius said...

I am attending a Greek Event this weekend at the Colosseum. Does anyone know where I might find appropriate headdress?

McFly said...

Where does that guy poop?

Anonymous said...

Where the hell is Thirsk?

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

42 comments and no John Prine reference? Whatsamatter with you peoples?

Anonymous said...

I built up a durable aluminum raod bikeen cycle 10 years ago for a fraction of the price of that battery powered "she"-crabon and crashed it around through several years of collegiate racing and minor trail duties...it weighs less.

RUSS DENY

RB1 said...

Sabu Visits The Twin Cities Alone

Anonymous said...

The airlines lost the elephant's trunk.

d28 said...

I had the same thought when I read that article! What an asshole. Haha

ChamoisJuice said...

God dammit. I've been making fun of your ergo grips, headset spacers, cable routing, spoke lacing, and too long stems for YEARS. I finally get under your skin enough for you to write a blog about it, and I'm busy with work that day.

ChamoisJuice= one less anonymous asshole. Now a semi-anonymous asshole.
HASIDIM BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE EM.

One up the Kludgie= you can't!

rapha sucks said...

rapha sucks (so does sky)

Anonymous said...

There's a Tom Waits song somewhere in that John Prine reference.

Anonymous said...

Snob, get ready...Mavic to announce a "usable" carbon clincher rim soon.

Anonymous said...

Specialized Venge Schmenge, hilarious.

Great minds think alike...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, your Rabbi caught wind of the Chicken Bacon Ranch sammy yesterday, and he would like to have a word with you.

McFly said...

I contacted the guy about the Schmenge and he said he will need me to email him some Strava data to verify that I am worthy of such a steed.

Me:"What's a Strava?"

Him:[Dialtone]

Jimboner said...

Up the mountain an asshole, down the mountain an asshole. Same can be said of a douchebag's journey.

bikesgonewild said...

...fingers crossed, babble...

...i think you're still in the running - "...Before the papal conclave started, it was beginning to look like Cardinal Angelo Scola, the Archbishop of Milan, had emerged as a clear favorite, with talk of a Brazilian or Canadian Cardinal becoming the 'anti-Scola'..."...

...but you might be losing ground...

...could a' been 'cuz the new boots weren't red...

...dunno, just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...white smoke...here we go, there's been a decision...

could it be the babble ???...

Anonymous said...

In other doucheworthy news, "asshugger.com" is still available from go daddy.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...it's, it's, ahhh, shit, it ain't babble...

...in their "...infinite wisdom..." they chose another old dude...dunno who yet but it's a dude, that much is clear...

...sorry, babble...i know you would have led with sweeping reforms, something the world's largest 'boys club' could a' used...

...all hail babble...

Bama Phred said...

Finally a comment about the chicken ranch swinewich. Wondered how long it would take.

Anonymous said...

12 stepping my way into a minimalist schtick. Leave it to materialists anonymous to save you from your whiteboy problems. Bill Wilson aint got shit on this.

jno62 said...

Indeed babble on, indeed.

babble on said...

awwwwwww maaaaaaan! Well, at least the old boys at the head of that particular old boys club rarely have many years left in them. I'll have to re-double my efforts and ensure I have greater voter recognition for the next time around.

All The Black People In Portland said...

Careful Snob, it's a long season-- we haven't even got to Jiminy yet-- you might be peaking a little early!!

P. Bateman said...

you know how Pinocchio goes off to Pleasure Island with all the other lost boys and winds up turning into a jackass?

why is it that i have the distinct feeling that the U.S. has become a pleasure island for all manner of jackasses.

I would usually say that i of course wish no one any specific harm, but for gods sake flying around like f'in squirrels in wingsuits? sorry, i hope you are either eaten by a giant cat or fly into a fucking cliff side minimalist bungalow killing yourself and its inhabitants.

my god. Snobber, remember how you used to have the Pista index? i now think your site is kind of a barometer for the impending collapse of our civilization.

St. Maartin is a nice island. i think i'll go there.

Anonymous said...

I for one am glad that the inter-net consists largely of "fail" videos. For once, the true experiences of the masses is revealed. Valiantly trying, falling on your face, getting up to try again.

Anonymous said...

Like how the Venge has only 120 something miles on it. Apparently the guy had enough of it and abandoned it for an easier hobby: jumping off a cliff.

On another note, Specialized can use the posting in their product description: "the only thing faster than this baby is to jump off of a cliff using flying squirrel technology!!!"

Dave said...

Forgive me my spelling errors - I'm texting from my wingsuit somewhere over New Jersey. It's not easy texting and also holding on to my awesome Assos Zeghos in this smoggy slipstream.

Anonymous said...

This is his house.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/17/garden/the-founder-of-treehugger-and-his-apartment-of-the-future.html?pagewanted=all

Anonymous said...

I dispose of everything I was wearing prior to any greek event I partake in.

Anonymous said...

Yeah ,the wingsuit guy will be minimalist alright. Which will it be, para or quadraplegic, or the ultimate in minimalism, dead?

Dave said...

Gee, the ground is coming up fast - better remember to pull my

bikesgonewild said...

...grooving on samba music today...

...maybe the brazilian cat got the nod...

...hmmm...a liturgy that starts out with gentle bossa nova & evolves into full scale samba dancing...

...like a southern baptist church with more rythmic grooves...

...i'm down with that...

Jimmy Fenders said...

Dear Wildcat The stem on your Ritte looks like it's 120-130 mm. So it's not too long even for a retired pro. IMO what it needs is a little color, either some pinstripes on the stem, some silver headset spacers or possibly different bar tape. I think blue would tie in nice with the silver/grey frame

babble on said...

Anon@2:50 - IIIIIIII know, right? He was such an avid cyclist that he just had to have the best possible bike, but after a couple of days on the road, he's just given up on his passionate love of the bike in order to pursue his passionate love of being a flying rodent.

Can you say silly Muppet, boys and girls?

McFly said...

Yeah I am with PBateman. Whens the last time you even bothered to take a glance at the Chris king Index? Did you lose it in the big move?

le Correcteur said...

Wow, Snob, that early part was angry! Funny, too, mind you; but ANGRY! And the reference to AA was just icing on the cake.

mikeweb said...

So what's all this about Francesco Moser being elected the new Pope?

There's a new Sheriff in town I guess...

Bama Phred said...

A wing nut in a wing suit?

Anonymous said...

I like the way the guy used roughly $78,000 worth of jacked up 4 X 4 to get the ultimate shot of the Schmenge.

Comment deleted said...

Bikes and cars hate it when you personify them.

Bama Phred said...

And anyway, wasn't a tiny, turn of the century, minimalist NYC apt considered to be a tenement? We have those here. Except ours are on wheels, tornadoes hate them, and they are still bigger than 420 sq ft.

bikesgonewild said...

...pope francis...meh...

...it's really jorge mario bergigalo...rome's playing the argentinian card...gauchos, beef...

...whatever they listen to in argentina, it ain't as cool as brazilian stuff...

...captcha = 3749 udisin...yes, yes i am...a sinner from WAY back...

Anonymous said...

I noticed in yesterday's post that your shifters are set up in a sub-attractive manner, in my opinion. Since you're running a double crankset, you can rotate that left shifter back(ccw when viewed while standing port/left of the bike) 90 deg. on the barend mount so it points backwards instead of down. To do so you'll need a bit of excess f. der cable, but unless you cut it super short or crimped it super hard, you should be fine. In case that wasn't clear, 1. loosen the f.der pinch bolt. 2. undo shifter from barcon mount. 3. rotate shifter back 90 deg. and realign square interface. 4. tighten everything back down appropriately. 5. be proud
-Dougie Fresh

Dooth said...

Didn't the ancient Greeks invent disposable hats?
AKA...condoms!

McFly said...

That new Pope-Erect is wearing Hillside Strangler Eyewear.

I like it.

paulb said...

Thirsk is the town that James Herriot renamed Darrowby for All Creatures Great and Small, and it's a country town in Yorkshire. James Herriot was a pseudonymn too, the writer-vet's name was Alf Wight. If you make fun I'm a gonna kill you, because I am very fond of the All Creatures books and tv show.

Dennis Hopper said...

Holy shit that's funny.

Big Charlie said...

Yo, Vanilla Ice rocked those hats way back. Know the history, suckas.

Yarpo said...

What is a, "price reuction?" Is that like discounted extreme unction? WTF?

Just when I was getting over my anger at 57 Things Guy, the Snob delivers us a new Minimalist Douchebag. You kicked the shit out of him too! No decaf this morning?

Time for another Great Schism. I will only recognize Babble as the New Pope-stress, not Cardinal Tango Guy. So there, Vatican Boyz Klub!

Lumpen Fredatariat said...

Where to start with all the douchiness….
Actually the NYT douche did have a valid point that most (middle class) Americans have six times the amount of living space each tan was the case a couple of generations ago… but there is still no need for the NYT to fluff him twice in a year

The next pope will fly in to the Vatican on a wingsuit….not.

And it doesn't snow in Thirsk, much. It's in the north of England, as Paul B points out. It has a race course. For horses.

Still no-one says what the Greeks need disposable hats for - I guess it's one of those meh things.

Jan! said...

Please, if you are rich, stop explaining the idea of freedom from stuff as if it’s a trick that even you have somehow mastered.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

@ anonymouses 12:32 & 12:35

Bowls for the 10 guests; the host and hostess eat directly from the pot.

JB said...

Anon @ 3:53pm: Why would Snob want to rotate his shifter by 90*. Will it be faster?

bikesgonewild said...

...thank you, yarpo...i forgot about the tango...

...good redeeming quality but i still prefer brazil...

xyxax said...

Lighten up, Francis I

bikesgonewild said...

...i just bet bsnyc/rtms/wcrm spends hours pouring over the ahem, knowledgeable advice the highly informed commertariat is willing to offer & all for free...

...NOT...

...free advice generally being worth what it costs...nothing...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Is it considered too informal to refer to His Eminence as "Franny?"

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:53pm,

Whuh?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Father Sarducci said...

BABBLE, quick, demand a re-count. I think you have 24 hours to get an attorney to Rome before a majority of the 80+ year old Cardinals die.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Bye bye Benny, hello Franny.

mikeweb said...

wiwm wins today's COD (comment of the day) jersey.

Instead of stripes or polka dots, it's emblazoned on the front and back with an image of Noel Coward, clad in a smoking jacket of course.

Enjoy!

Father Sarducci said...

Wish I was Eddie @ 507: "refer to His Eminence as "Franny?" As long as it isn't Fanny, because that could, well, err, you know.

bikesgonewild said...

...imposter dude @ 5:15pm - aka, (fake) father sarducci...

...imposter dude, i've laughed along with father guido sarducci (don novello)...i know father guido sarducci (don novello)...father guido sarducci (don novello) is a friend of mine...imposter dude, you're no father guido sarducci (don novello)...

...fact...no harshness implied but just sayin'...

Pope Francis Sawyer said...

Friends call me Psycho. Any of you HOMOS call me Francis...and I'll kill ya.

crosspalms said...

Over at PipeSnob, the stem length debate is deadly serious. But they're quite calm about helments.

Meanwhile, whoever had "old white guy" in the pope pool, wow, that came out of nowhere -- you really cleaned up.

Mountains of Andor said...

Wednesday is a smoking day

my andorran plaything is smoking hot

my penis is wrapped in aluminum to protect from the heat of entry.

bikesgonewild said...

...they say jamaica's rastafarian cardinal created the whole white smoke thingy all on his own 'cuz it's wednesday...

bikesgonewild said...

...donald trump wants to see the new pope's birth certificate before he's satisfied with the cardinals choice...

Anonymous said...

Wtf. Most women in Islamic countries have internet access.

Anonymous said...

My stem got longer after reading today's post

Matt Piersma said...

Conspicuous non-consumption. I get the same vibe from most fixie conversions I see on the streets.

Anonymous said...

Why doesn't someone demand to see Donald Trump's birthcert? I hear he keeps it on his nightstand under his rug holder.

Anonymous said...

A story written by Seven about working for rich Grahm Hill would be interesting. Seven, are you out there?

Vegas said...

I'm getting a minimalist pet: a 3-toed sloth.

rytunch hnfuvryh
Wow, this robot stuff is gettin serious.

Old school leather beats modern day leather on saddles I say! said...

Dude, I have come to your party late but I must say I am a huge bike snob fan...please keep up the snarky velo-city of your comments. You make my day as Clint would say!

Jacky Keracky said...

The Merry Pranksters bus, called Further, was driven by Neal Cassidy, the son of a Denver hobo. Hobos were Depression Era minimalists; homeless, jobless minimalists who roamed the country on freight trains, happy in days of drunken hours.

Rocket J. Squirrel said...

Give me some fuck you money and I'll show you douche

ge said...

Crosspalms - that's the new pope under that umbrella. Apparently he's a bicycle cyclist too, so he's got that going for him.

Unknown said...

Good read.

leroy said...

Oh great. My dog reads your post and all afternoon he's been going on about how he gives meaning to my otherwise sad and pathetic life.

I told him he can't believe everything he reads on the Internet even if it is inspired by some minimalist who lives in one of those IKEA modular apartments.

And no, he cannot borrow my credit card to buy used Venge on Craigslist. For one thing, it's stem is too long for him.

leroy said...

And did anyone else notice Google's homage to Doug Adams who would have been 61 this week?

"Don't Panic"

Good advice.

jet said...

fat bikes are not the new fixie, they cost too much, so hipsters can't afford to adopt them en masse, thank god

McFly said...

I had an amoeba for a minimalist pet once. He kept on trying to do mitosis and I would spank him but it finally got to be too much trouble so I set him free in the park where there is room for him to frolick about.

He was always braggin about his "false feet."

His name was Ecto.

paulb said...

leroy 12:19 am,

Thanks for the Douglas Adams heads up! Larry and Sergey forgot to email me.

John Prine once said...

We are living in the future
I'll tell you how I know
I read it in the paper
Fifteen years ago
We're all driving rocket ships
And talking with our minds
And wearing turquoise jewelry
And standing in soup lines
We are standing in soup lines

Frilly Chick said...

Late to the party.

Used shorts? No thanks.

Leroy, I thought that Doug Adams Don't Panic thing was sorta cool. A fun little way to kill a few minutes.

Anonymous said...

I hear Graham Hill (rich out of touch minimalist douchebag) is the new face of Seiko. Yeah, that company still exists I guess.

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Anonymous said...

As a 40 something school teacher I am dreaming of a turbocharged Volvo and $300 glasses. Now I feel really shitty about my life! Thanks for that Snob, i'll remember to use your name on my suicide note.

I am still a month behind your posts (been off the blog for a while - sore knee!). Don't wait, I'll go at my at pace and meet you for coffee...

Tiago said...

I love bikes since I traveled to Netherlands. I biked everywhere. Last summer I traveled to Argentina and first I stayed in an Argentina Apartments but then I jumped on the bike and started to go north. Three months later I was in Recife, Brazil having the time of my life. I hope that the bike phenomenon keeps growing.

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