Tuesday, March 12, 2013

When You Consume You Make "Cons" Out Of "U" And "Me"


Why are people so stupid?

Yesterday I mentioned a New York Times article that, despite itself, proved we have a serious problem in this city with drivers running people over.  While the person who wrote the article made some dumb points, the people reading it are apparently even dumber, because one of them left this comment:

TT
new york

I was hit by a bike five days after Martha was killed, just a few blocks away.

Her situation was tragic. I was lucky. The bike food delivery messenger was not wearing a glow in the dark vest, had no ID, no bell on the bike, no basket
in the back for the food and was peddling quickly the wrong way.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been hit and injured, unfortunately.
What to do about reckless bike riders and bike messengers?

March 11, 2013 at 12:07 a.m.

Yes, you are lucky.  You're lucky the delivery person was on a bike and not in a car.  When you get hit by a bike you live to leave whiny Internet comments.  When you get hit by a car there's a blurb about you in the Post that ends with the phrase "no criminality suspected."  There seems to be a unique brand of American idiocy which causes us to read articles about cars running people down by the hundreds and then respond by getting angry about bikes.  It's like reading an article about gun violence and then leaving a comment about how you cut yourself while making dinner so what's being done about knives?

Speaking of bikes, I have one:


Actually, I have more than one.  I have a shitload.  I have so many bikes that I haven't even bothered to move all of them from Brooklyn yet.  That's yet another reason I scoff at comments about my excessive stem length, since if I want to ride a bike that handles differently I just grab a different one.  I pity the poor plebes who have to obsess over stem length because they have only one or two bicycles.  Actually, that's not true, I don't pity them at all.  The truth is I don't even think about them, except for when they pop into my head fleetingly, at which point I chuckle briefly and then forget about them again.

Just kidding about all of that.



Sort of.

By the way, you'll notice the bike above also has a long stem, but that's only because the frame's too small.  And if you're wondering why the frame's too small, it's because my vast collection of bikes was sorely lacking a dedicated frame's-too-small-so-I'll-compensate-with-a-footlong-stem-and-eleventy-million-spacers bike.  Plus, it's my travel bike, so being small helps it fit in the case good.  Anyway, in truth, besides looking a little funny, the fact that the frame's too small doesn't really make any difference.  That's the funny thing about bikes--most of this crap really doesn't matter very much.  If the bike's put together well from okay stuff and the fit is in the ballpark you're all set.  It's all just "foffing off" anyway, and if you want to do it with your pinky raised or while wearing a pretty hat go right ahead, but in the end it's all the same.

In any case, as the seasonal strip tease begins, here in New York we're finally getting those tantalizing nip-slips of spring, and so yesterday I set out on the above-pictured bicycle for an "epic" ride to a big-box home "improvement" store, because sometimes in life you have to do stuff like that.

Arguably, there's nothing more American than giving your money to a great big downtown independent business-killing ghost town-making retail store full of Chinese-made goods, and this comes into sharp relief when you do it by bicycle instead of by SUV or minivan like a real American.  First, I picked up this trail in the park right by the home which I planned to "improve:"


This path used to be the tracks for a choo-choo train.  I like riding on old choo-choo train tracks.  I also own a young human child, so there's not a moment during which I'm not discussing the merits and drawbacks of different kinds of choo-choos or "curating" choo-choo train-themed entertainment on TV:


(Screw you, you bloated old windbag.)

The Parks Department actually wants to pave over these old choo-choo train tracks so more people can use them, but there are people who don't want them to.  I don't want them to either, but the whole thing does become a real mess when it rains, so I can see both sides of it, which is rare for me, because usually I'm convinced someone is an idiot.  Anyway, the whole thing is fraught with confusion and delay, so I figure I'll just enjoy it the way it is until it becomes something else, and if it does I'll enjoy that too.

Following the old choo-choo tracks, you soon leave New York City, at which point the trail abruptly becomes this:


And then you wriggle your way through a little city called Yonkers until you get to this, which used to be an aqueduct that supplied New York City with whatever it is aqueducts carry, milk I think:


Between my lousy smartphone photography and the fact that is was overcast I'm sure this doesn't look like much, but believe me when I tell you it was glorious.  Spring was in the air.  Birds chirped, other animals made other sounds, and you could practically smell Mother Nature's vulvanus.  Plus, as I get older I much prefer local history porn to bike porn, so I take nerdly delight in cycling on the ghosts of New York City's infrastructure in the form of old train tracks and old aqueducts and the occasional used prophylactic.

Speaking of bike porn, your-stem's-too-long guy said that long stems produce a "goofy tiller effect," which I have no idea what that means.  Maybe it's a term for a left-handed boater.  ("Dude, I totally sail goofy-tiller.")  He also said they cause a whole bunch of other bad crap to happen.  I don't know what he's talking about because I was totally able to ride the bike no-handed:


(Weasels ate my bar tape.)

Then again, I shouldn't give the bike too much credit, since what really makes this possible is my incredible bike-handling skills.  Plus I took a picture at the same time!  There simply aren't a lot of people in the world able to pull off a stunt like that.

Sadly, after awhile I had to leave the aqueduct and head inland or whatever you call it when you leave a river (I always lived near oceans and bays, rivers confuse me) towards the insidious car hive that houses the big-box home "improvement" store as well as various other retail establishments.  Of course, no "epic" ride is complete without a climb, and as it happens this particular car hive is situated on a formidable mountain, atop which sits a tempting alpine food chalet:


So I climbed this suburban Alpe d'Huez, stomping my way through the 21 Sandwich Boards of Deliciousness:


Here's one of them:


Oh, sweet Lob on High, supine on your Roll of Righteousness.  It's as if Michelangelo himself painted you...

On I climbed, passed sweet deals on sweeter prosecco:


Until I reached the parking lot, where, between the incline and the general disinclination among Americans to ride to the store, it should go without saying there was no bike parking:


I don't know if that climb constitutes a Strava segment, but if it does then I'm sure I totally smashed the course record.  Maybe one day Stew Leonard's will invite me to make a celebrity appearance like Yolanda Vega:


"Yes, I do own the Strava KOM for this parking lot, and I'll gladly sign your breasts with this Sharpie."

Pending that auspicious day, I settled for giving them money in exchange for a sandwich:


(I didn't realize how wrong this picture looked until just now.)

I look forward to your-stem's-too-long guy telling me that my sandwich is also too long, and that a shorter one would handle better.  Whatever.  By the way, you'll note that I've officially given up both leg-shaving and vegetarianism, and while those may be baby steps towards embracing a more mainstream attitude, I can assure you that to my fellow shoppers I appeared no less freakish sitting cross-legged in the parking lot next to a bike and devouring a gigantic sandwich.

Then I went to the big-box home "improvement" store, where my backpack devoured a gigantic box:


After which I left the car hive and sought refuge upon the bike path:


Where I won the city line sprint against myself:


(The dirt means you're back in New York City.) 

As for my home, it's been improved, but it was pretty good in the first place.

Speaking of epic rides:

Sustainable Cycles is Bicycling Across the Country this Summer!

Sustainable Cycles is off to an incredible start in 2013!  We were awarded the year-long Lead Now Fellowship we are presenting at the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research Conference this June; and we are sending Spokeswomen on a trip from the Bay Area to New York City – 3,250 miles!  

Holy shit!  The Society for Menstrual Cycle Research Conference is in New York City this year?!?  That's like the NAHBS of menstrual conventions!  I am so there!

Anyway, Sustainable Cycles is asking you to donate so they can put their spokeswoman through what sounds like abject hell:


Donate now to Rachel’s trip! She will be living on $5/day for food.   Her total budget for the 3 month trip (including train tickets, bike repair, sleeping arrangements, everything) is $2,000.  We are hoping to raise $2,000 for Rachel, and another $2,000 so that she can have an additional Spokeswoman along for the entire ride.

$5 a day for food?!?  I eat twice that in a single parking lot sitting!

Still, it's an important cause, as evidenced by the Used Tampon Truck of Shame:


Menstruate on that, America.

132 comments:

Anonymous said...

pod yum

le Correcteur said...

podium late post!

First?

le Correcteur said...

Podium three!

Kenny said...

AND THAT'S HOW THE LOBSTER ROLLS!

Yarpo said...

Sporks!

Yarpo said...

Top five-ty-tenth!

Anonymous said...

long post to scroll through to get to the comments section.

bitches.

Anonymous said...

Wow, top ten, and read it.

Anonymous said...

smoke weed everyday!

Anonymous said...

Very nice pictures, I felt them alive with portent.

ken e. said...

damm

crosspalms said...

Lovely country around your new place. Upper Crustington is it?

le said...

" those tantalizing nip-slips of spring"

Classic, WRM! Here, we've got the full frontal nudity version of Spring; but then she gets shy and we'll get tiny bits of snow.

Anonymous said...

HOLY FUCKING HEADSET SPACERS!
Again with the boner stem.

I think you need a bigger frame, mang. Or are you proportioned like a gorilla?

How many times have you taken those couplers apart? More than once? Worth the weight and cost?

ploeg said...

Come on. Just like air ducts move air, aquaducts move aqua.

Milk flowing through aquaducts. Duh.

I hope that you enjoyed your lunch suppository though.

babble on said...

Hey Peeps!

Anonymous said...

Well, apparently, I should read the post before critiquing your bike.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

yes, your post is too long.

McFly said...

ENJOYMENT WHORE!

(How is the new indoor clothesline working out?)

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:07pm,

I specifically wanted a Surly Travelers Check. One was not available in my preferred size, so I made it work. The bonus is that it fits in the case pretty easily with minimal disassembly. If the frame were larger I'd probably have to take off the fork and/or cranks too.

The couplers are well worth it if you travel a lot and they work great. On my book tour last year I probably flew 15 times with the bike and never paid a bicycle fee. As for the weight, I doubt they weigh more than what I gained eating that sandwich.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Marcel Da Chump said...

Stewed.

Yarpo said...

Chicken Bacon Ranch? How did ranch become a flavor instead of a place that you grow cattle, horses, sheep, lobsters, etc? Snob, you let Ranch invade your sandwich when lobster rolls and prosecco were available? Oh the SHAME!

Boycott Ranch! It's another lie from the Mayonaisse Mafia! It's...never mind, I'll sit down now. Sorry.
Mumble, mumble, mumble...

Babble! Please rename that glorious 20-second video of yours, "The Papal Strut" as befits your new station seven inches taller than the College of Cardinals.

McFly said...

I really like the fact the ploeg really thought you really thought milkquaducts were for milk. Can you imagine the cat epidemic?

Aquaducks are for ducks you stupidhead. They are like duck interstates.

babble on said...

Thank you for vulvanus, sweet snobbums.

dr. doom said...

don't let your nanny mayor see you riding no-hands, he'll curate a new nanny law for you.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Dr. Doom,

I was safely outside of the city limits.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Tinystem said...

You could choke Linda Lovelace with a sub that large.

crosspalms said...

I think Arnold already broke the nanny law.

Anonymous said...

Wildcat.

Your "no hands" too long sandwich with couplers eating is impressive also.
Too bad you only get to use the couplers on the sandwich just once!

balls™ said...

WRM,

That is one impressive Chicken Bacon Ranch you have there. Mrs Snob must be proud.

It also explains this blog. If my Chicken Bacon Ranch was that big, I'd probably feel free to be more opinionated, too.

Likewise, it explains your preference for an extra-long stem. You need somewhere to rest that gigantic Chicken Bacon Ranch of yours.

Wow. Just... wow.

Anonymous said...

I could barely get past the Confucious-like philosophy of the title of this blog. Glad I did because the blog ended with another mind-bender.

JB said...

I re-weld my frame back together after airplane travel. Saves 92 grams over couplers.

babble on said...

heh heh... I used to own a small human child, too. Now I belong to a man-child in uni and a small boy who is constantly on the move.

Soon enough you may come to realise that once you are the proud owner of a small human, you never belong to yourself again.

Don't worry, though. You can still escape all your worldly concerns on a bike, no matter how long the stem.

Kickstart Me said...

I use a wireless setup that I developed myself to control my steering and my new telescoping stem at the same time. Works like a charm, but riding with the keyboard is a bit inconvenient. I am, however, inspired by your "analog" example in today's post, praise Lob.

paulb said...

Yesterday’s comments on the Ritte setup remind me of how Bruce Weber of the Times decided to reprise his cross country bike ride and even though he'd been all over the world on his bike commenters were telling him he had his bike set up all wrong, had the wrong bike, didn't know what he was doing. Crazy. The outlook of the record store geeks in the novel High Fidelity: "It's not what you're like, it's what you like."

T said...

I'm Yolannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnda Vega!

As a Canadian growing up near the New York State border, she was a staple of the American TV channels I got.

That was probably 20 years ago and she looks exactly the same today!

Father Sarducci said...

Yarpo @ 119: "Babble! Please rename that glorious 20-second video of yours, "The Papal Strut" as befits your new station seven inches taller than the College of Cardinals."

Ans she's 1/3 their average age.

Fritz said...

ahhhhh Stew Leonards

epic dining

Anonymous said...

out heer in the land of epic burootis we have similar bike/car moron comment festivus goin on in local rags. Really dumb shite.

EPIC POST

Jimboner said...

I used wrap my sword in aluminum foil when I went clubbing, I will now try it when I ride. Does it help much with chaffing?



c. d. Kaplan said...

T @ 156: "As a Canadian growing up near the New York State border, she [Yolanda Vega] was a staple of the American TV channels I got."

She represented culture south of the border.

Dave said...

Hey Snobbie speaking of Choo-Choos we have a big box of tracks and trains from the town where that tophatted rail baron resides. I can't think of a better place to to dump them than unto young Eben Junior. Any interest?

The Birds and the Bees said...

Bable @141: "Soon enough you may come to realise that once you are the proud owner of a small human, you never belong to yourself again."

Young woman I know has 3 kids. Saw her in parking lot loading an uncountable number of bags of groceries into her van.

Me: One more kid and you'll need a big van to hold all of the groceries.

Her: One more kid and my brian will explode.

Anonymous said...

Still trying to erase the mental image from my mind of a dumptruck full of used feminine hygiene products that has slowly been filled over the course of 40 years.
Glurmnph...
Here comes some chicken bacon ranch vomit...

The Birds and the Bees said...

"brain"

Anonymous said...

Actually I don’t have a comment. I have a question. We all know that “steel is real”, because I can touch steel and therefore it is real (ignoring the philosophical questions of what is real and reality). Aluminum is also tangible (by the aforementioned definition) but it does not rhyme with real and therefore not as pleasing. Anyway I digress.

Do you foresee a time, say 26 years from now, when we will become misty-eyed with nostalgia when we regard a carbon fiber frame what has been crudely modified as a single speed or being used as a campus cruiser. I personally find the notion of a Pinarello Dogma with flat bars being used to deliver pizza oddly reassuring. If I could be so bold as to suggest “carbon gives me a hard-on” or “carbon is for certain” (that’s a para-rhyme and my deliberate use of it to create dissonance makes me very clever) as a moniker for this movement. What are your thoughts?

Anonymous said...

I like to think Yacht GMILF pays very special and particular attention to the balls during chaise lounge deck-head.

jno62 said...

Wait.

Aqueducts carried milk?!

Those freakin' teachers lied about that too!

Damn.

RANTWICK said...

That's a Keeper.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 2:09, you have obviously never ridden Schrodinger's bike.

P.S.: toleeder? No, I'm from Cincinnati

RANTWICK said...

Anon 2:09 -

Carbon is ______. Dunno.

But Titanium hurts my Cranium and

Aluminum is Zoominum

wishiwasmerckx said...

If you use a u-lock to lock a bike with couplers, can an enterprising thief uncouple the frame , remove from the lock, reassemble and ride away?

Or is the cartoonishly long stem enough of a theft deterrent?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I can't eat anything with ranch on it. Monosodium Glutamate. I have a food allergy.

Frilly Chick said...

Sir Topham Hatt. Nice!

Not so nice--the first thought that came to my mind when I saw the dumptruck of used menstrual product was that thing must be the pied piper of every male dog in town. Just ewwwww.

Anonymous said...

Guess that's the first light your legs have seen in awhile. . .

ken e. said...

crabon for freds with flab on

Jimboner said...

Here in the land of the Shit-handlers most every public restroom has a sign asking you not to flush your toilet paper, just please add it to the pile of wadded up excrement that is already tumbling from the waste basket and onto the floor around your flip flop clad feet. Makes a semi full of used tampons seem sophisticated.

mikeweb said...

So what's with the giant penis sculpture outside of the Lobster roll place?

I need to check out that bike trail. Looks like fun.

Anonymous said...

So what do you call your collection of bikes? Quiver? Stable? Fortress of Fredliness?

Comment deleted said...

The "Lead Now Fellowship"? This is the first time I've heard of a pro-lead organization. I'm guessing it consists of a bunch of high-compression muscle car owners.

ge said...

I was totally hoping your story was going to end like my big-box-home-improvement-store experience of watching a guy hopelessly try to fit a gigantic item into the back seat of his little Mazda. He felt the need to share that he has a big van at home and didn't know why he brought the little car.

Soooo ... The Dummy's still in Brooklyn then?

babble on said...

Cheers, Yarpo, that's a great idea! I'm hoping those boots come in red...

Aquaducts carrying milk... are those laqaducts? I prefer the original milk ducts, in their lovely packaging.

Anonymous said...

My small young human is just outgrowing the "Thomas" thing, and I'm a bit sad about it. We made some epic train track scenes.

Otherwise I got nothin' to say to you.

Comment deleted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CapitalistPoet said...

That Stew Leonard's store is less than 1/8 of a mile from the borders of Hastings-on-Hudson, your favorite urban hipster suburb. Does that make your sandwich taste better or worse?

Bikecurious said...

You doing guerilla marketing for some bike-centered housing development on the north end of Manhattan? It's like dirt porn for the gridlocked when you bring us along on your milkquaduct tours. And that was before your schlongwich made its appearance. Yikes.

Comment deleted said...

Reporting in from Gnu Yorrick...we left a sunny-and-seventy California to come to this dripping-wet sock of a city?

There needs to be a new category of Fredism, somewhere down on the scale next to pyronecropedaphiles, to encompass these frickin' stem-length police-nerds.

Cross County said...

Some of us are still in denial that you're not living in Manhattan.

bikesgonewild said...

...the 'chicken ranch' is a licensed brothel (whore house - for you kids) located 60 miles north-west of las vegas, near pahrump, nevada.......

...the original chicken ranch was located in lagrange, texas...zz top sang about it & the musical play "the best little whorehouse in texas" was inspired by some of the colorful characters involved...

...i can't verify but i'd speculate that the 'chicken bacon ranch' is an upstate ny brothel that gives you a free sandwich after every 5th visit...

...clever ruse, bsnyc/rtms/wcrm..."...just out for a quick ride to, ahhh, 'clean out the pipes', darling...i'll stop by the 'big box store' on the way back & pick up some needed supplies...see ya..."...

...hey, i'm not making any accusations here, i'm just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...especially with all this talk & photos of lengthy, rising stems...

...subconcious stuff on snobs parts...

...stands to reason...

Aluminum Sword said...

make today foily

tingvice 112

Rapha sucks (and so does Sky) said...

best post ever. PS rapha sucks (and so does Sky)

McFly said...

Do you wear the "Clackity" shoes in the store or do you switch out to something less retarded?

I prefer the Pearl Izumi Alpine-X footwear for indooring adventures.

Perry said...

I suspect freds obsess about bike fit because pros obsess about fit. Just like freds shave their legs because pros shave their legs.

If you ride upwards of 50,000 kilometers per year, I'd guess that proper fit is really important. If, however, you are a typical fred and you ride a few hours on the weekend, fit can be a lot sloppier.

Anonymous said...

Well who among us don't like a sloppy fit?

Steel is real but wetter is better I always say.

Matt said...

Here in the Great Frozen North (Minnesota) the local Home Despot has bike racks though mostly they seem to be used by Mexican day laborers. And me. The most money I ever spent at HD was when I rode my bicycle there and ordered up all cherry cabinets and granite countertops. I like riding my bicycle to places when I'm about to spend a wad of money there.

babble on said...

RCT: you can make your own, MSG-free ranch dip, you know. And I know you're good with your hands, so you can probably shake a jar without any trouble at all.

1 cup well-shaken buttermilk
1/4 cup mayonnaise
3 tablespoons sour cream
3 tablespoons finely chopped Italian parsley
2 tablespoons finely chopped chives
4 teaspoons white wine vinegar or lemon juice
1 medium garlic clove, finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more as needed
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus more as needed
INSTRUCTIONS
Place all of the ingredients in a 2-cup Mason jar or other container with a tightfitting lid. Seal tightly and shake to evenly distribute all the ingredients. Taste and season with additional salt and pepper as desired. Refrigerate until chilled and the flavors have melded, about 1 hour. The dressing will last up to 3 days in the refrigerator.

babble on said...

Wetter is better and it's the best way to accommodate one of those long, strong steel stems.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:35pm,

I call it a Menagerie of Douche.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

CommieCanuck said...

That menstruation truck is a total chick magnet, great for breaking the ice. "Yo..how you doin'..menstruatin'?

ymeekly 425

babble on said...

mmm hard as steel...

THAT's the way, uh huh uh huh, I LIKE it...

discsoc 4230

Anonymous said...

Where are all the cyclists? Looks like path of the dead to me.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:59pm,

A lot of them might have jobs.

Not this guy though!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

crosspalms said...

babble,
First "laquaducts" and then a ranch dip recipe? You are truly a full-service commenter. Not to mention those amazing boots.

Anonymous said...

Yeah but I bet that ain't ranch dressing on her chin....

ge said...

babble 3:50 - zinnnggg!

Frilly Chick said...

Thanks for the recipe Babbs. I am a ranch-aholic to the nth degree! Especially for dipping my buffalo "chik'n" nuggets. Sorry ya left the fold Snob.

tricumu--ha!

Anonymous said...

And speaking of idiots...
http://www.expressandstar.com/news/crime/2013/03/11/175k-bikes-stolen-in-staffordshire-as-thieves-use-gps-technology/

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 4:05pm...dude...you just just revealed how 'clue nada' you are...

...babble on is as straight up as it comes about that kinda stuff...

crosspalms said...

"Sgt Dave Morris said that there had been an increase in the number of high-value cycles being stolen from sheds and outbuildings."

Secure your shed, Snob.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yes thanks Babble you are awesome! I like to dip fried stuff like mushrooms in ranch as well as healthy stuff like a chicken salad.

7542 tobeach

most certainly if it would hurry up and warm up.

Anonymous Coward said...

I like your juxtapositioning of images/captions there snob. Your strtegically placed wrapped sandwich followed by the shot of your backpack "eating a giant box".

Ted Shed said...

moreshedsorimafuckingkillya

shed snob
shed snob
shed snob

Tiger Would said...

Wildcat Putnam Trail Machine,
Did you notice any golfers out on Vanny?
I'm Jonesying to play.

Big Charlie said...

Is that a Brooks Team Pro and do you like it?

babble on said...

Yup. Straight up.
and cumming
constantly

bikesgonewild said...

...recumbent conspiracy theorist...

...if you've got food allergies & you find you can't always make your own stuff, a good natural / health food store makes things much easier...

...lot less processed & chemicaled crap to deal with...

Anonymous said...

"Lovely country around your new place. Upper Crustington is it?"

It is the BRONX. When I was a boy it was all about Fort Apache and FDNY refusing to respond to night calls in certain areas. At least that is what you heard if you lived on Long Island; if they had great trails in those days the news never covered them.
Anyway, anyone want to guess if/when an internet stalker might start hanging around one of the trails pictured, hoping for a glimpse of his/her hero?

PBateman said...

hey snob, how about a contest to win snob's bike since you have too many to know what to do with?

you bike whorder.

maybe the friday quiz suddenly has something at steak?

yeah, steak.

Jimboner said...

100!

Anonymous said...

How come no jokes about the whiny letter writer's homonym peddler mistake?

Angry Dan said...

Both your backpack and the box therein appear to be excessively and dangerously long. You should be grateful you survived this epic commute and attempt to be less reckless in the future.

d'Garbage Man said...

humph, looks like snobby put his writing cap on today, but clearly that bike has too few fenders.

ps: that's a long motherfucking stem!

David Pearce said...

"Dear" Snob,

One day, I might make a blog entitled "Bikes, Searching for Something to Lean Against". Like a telephone pole, or a fence, or a house, or a hedge, etc., etc., etc. I think it is so humorous to see all these nice bikes, searching for something nice to lean against. Until that time, I'm going to run a kickstand, and you can use a stiff Chicken Bacon Ranch sub!

Best wishes,

David,
Washington, D.C.

P.S. What is it about that "menstrual" truck. Pardon my bad eyes, I can't get any higher resolution. What the hell are they advising?

Grump said...

Snobby, Call me slightly impressed....Bar con shifters? Didn't notice them before. (not that I would ever be caught dead with them on a bike)
They mention “stone dust” paving. If they mean a crushed limestone trail, that's the way to go. It keeps the 700X23 roadies off the trail, but allows just about everyone with a 28 of larger to use it. The only mantainance it needs, is a pass with a heavy roller every spring.

anonymoose said...

Dammit! Got ranch dip all over the puter screen after reading babbles posts, AGAIN. I gotta get a hobby.



603 outoid-
roger that

Anonymous said...

I wish to second the comments of Angry Dan at 6:08 PM. The peculiar proportions of that preposterous backpack render it perilous, precarious and indecorous.

Panniers please.

What happens between a man and his sandwich, on the other hand, is nobody's business.

March 13, 2013 at 11:52 PM AEST

Anonymous said...

err, AM

Anonymous said...

As I have read you can only be allergic to proteins. Monosodium glutamate has no protein in it, so I think it’s simply an adverse reaction to poison.

Happens to me too. Damn these nacho chips!

Anonymous said...

Dude! You're white?!?!

McFly said...

Your shoes look seedy.

facebook_facepalm said...


Coming to a safe urban enclave near you.
The San Francisco Douche Factory: http://www.sunset.com/home/natural-home/unplugging-lifestyle-00418000080483/

I am not a robot. Wait, maybe I am.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about your small bikes with long stems, Snob. All the pro cyclists ride smaller bikes.


What I would worry about though is your tattoos. Do you regret them, now that you're approaching the big 40?

Anonymous said...

I wish to commend Snobby for delivering to his audience glimpses of his naked flesh. He's got a long way to go though before he can mix it with the art's master practitioners;

http://www.gumtree.com.au/s-ad/mosman/bicycles/norco-wolverine-hard-tail-17-inch/1015791882#


March 13, 2013 at 12:38 PM AEST

Anonymous said...

I always will remember when there was the photo of the Morningstar laser-printed bacon being used as a unit or ruler or barometer or whatever. I'd think "Wow, he's an idiot like me." Add in a kid and a too-long stem and I just can't relate anymore.

leroy said...

I don't mean to brag, but I've met the woman who answers the letters kids write to Sir Topham Hat. She lives in Brooklyn. We still have celebrities here. Even if some have decamped for The Bronx.

Steve Timmons said...

http://www.sfgate.com/default/article/Ex-Stanford-Team-Cyclist-Faces-Felony-in-4337464.php

Backroad Retro Grump said...

That menstrual cyclist is gonna try'n cross the country eatin' on five bucks a day?Good fuckin' luck sister,you ain't never been outta town huh? Well,if she's anything like the anarchist kids at least she can dumpster dive.Sittin' onna gold mine don't hurt neither,I guess

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Stuart said...

What a great ride!

Anonymous said...

I think it is good to see that Rob Ford has found gainful employment in the railway industry....

I guess he met the two major selection criteria...a mayor is a kind of controller....and he is fat...though seems to have lost a little weight since starting his new job

ce said...

CARBON IS TRĒS BON

Translation: "Very good but a bit Frenchy and elitist and likely to give up prematurely"

ce said...

BigSandwichNYC (aka Walmart Ranch Machine) 3:53pm,

"I call it a Menagerie of Douche."

That isn't a nice way to talk about the comments section.

p.s. More shed talk please.

McFly said...

A Brooks saddle with THAT filth profolactic?

You sir, have crossed the line.

Expect to be called upon by none other than Eric "The Chamfererer" Murray.

Col. Sanders said...

No place to "park" the bike at Stu's. Of course not, their customer base doesn't ride bikes. Look at the woman in the background of the photo who is over weight as she pushes her shopping cart to her American Battleship (a.k.a. an SUV). Now that is a red blooded American!

Anonymous said...

Frilly 222: "must be the pied piper of every male dog in town" Coffee came out of my nostrils when I read that.

Anonymous said...

Bike racks at Westchester county mall? Ha ha ha!
Couch to car to mall...that's the way of life.

Sarah said...

''freshly ground black pepper'', you right is important for flavors. Pepper powder can be kept only three months after it loses its fragrance.

Anonymous said...

I agree 100% for ground pepper but only Kampot pepper, I adopted black Kampot pepper in my kitchen, now it's a real pleasure to use the peppermill for fragrant and tasty.

Anonymous said...

That truly is an awesome biking path, even the muddy part. i was out there over the weekend as well. I recommend the ride up to Stone Barn, although the trail cuts off for a bit in Elmsford.

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