Mario's Albino Tadpole said...
Does stringing together some words about a certain subject, and getting someone to publish it make that person an author?
Freds are not athletes and you are no author. Would you agree?
Absolutely, I agree 100%. I'm not an author. I'm a Book Fred.
Also, the same commenter had a request:
Mario's Albino Tadpole said...
I miss Vito your helper monkey.. I searched your blog and the last reference to him was like back in 2009, but that doesn't sound right...
Anyway, More Vito Please.. yes, that's what I need.
Sorry, can't help you there. My helper monkey Vito died. I'm actually pretty sad about it, but it was his time. He died peacefully and painlessly in a horribly gruesome base jumping accident. (Success went to his head and he got pretty heavily into drugs and adrenaline sports.) His helment did not save him.
He did look great in his wingsuit though. He used to wear it to bars.
Lastly, another commenter took the time to read the post and scroll through over a hundred comments only to leave this one:
The variety lacking nasty sarcastic negativity of this blog is just tiring.
March 28, 2013 at 11:26 PM
Oh, shut up. "Sarcastic negativity" my ass. Go read some shit about cats.
On a more positive note, yesterday I went here:
The Highbridge Project from yoni arava on Vimeo.
I'd only ridden in Highbridge once before, when the trails had just opened, but I hadn't returned because it was pretty far from where I lived in Brooklyn and in the same amount of travel time or less I could reach far more exotic riding spots. (And by "exotic riding spots" I obviously mean Long Island, the world's premiere locale for singletrack that's convenient to bagel stores.)
Now, though, Highbridge is only about a 15-minute ride from my estate. Furthermore, all the bagel stores were closed for Pay-suck leaving me with nothing to do, so yesterday I figured it was about time I knocked around in there a little bit:
Sure, it's not exactly [insert your culturally vapid region that has incredible off-road riding here], but does your mountain bike trail have a subway station?
I didn't think so.
Then again, it probably isn't filled with dirty underpants, drug paraphernalia, and and carcasses of squirrels that have died under suspicious circumstances either.
Nevertheless, I'd argue that the novelty of riding on legal mountain bike trails in Manhattan cancels out the moderate gross-out factor, and if you were arriving via subway, which I wasn't because I already live nearby, you'd see this:
And then you could scamper off into this:
And if you're really lucky, maybe you'll find a Suitcase of Courage like I did:
Though needless to say I didn't open it, because I was afraid it might actually be a Suitcase of Body Parts.
Fortunately, I had brought some courage along with me, but I got a little too courageous and then this happened:
While the bike fell down I actually stayed up, which is one of the more fortunate side-effects of falling into a tree. Sure, it hurts just as much as hitting the ground, but you don't have to actually make contact with the ground, which in Highbridge is a good way to contract a disease.
Finally, I left the park, and only then did I notice this sign:
The mountain bike trail is what due to numerous dangerous tree conditions? I assume they mean "closed," but then again maybe they meant this:
Because really, what's more awesome than danger?
Oh, also, before leaving I totally "got rad" on the dirt jumps:
You can see the GoPro footage here.
Of course, when you ride in a place like Highbridge, it's always a good idea to wash the questionable substances off your bike:
And if you think I'm trying to compensate for something with my long stems, think again, because let's just say that's not a hose I'm using to clean the bike.
Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll be right, and if you're wrong you'll see Fabian Cancellara's Classics bike.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you're going to fall be sure to hit a tree.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) There's no surer sign of spring than renewed attempts to sell the sport of pro cycling to the masses. Which is always the big selling point of the Classics?
--"They ride bikes over cobbles."
--"Did we mention there are cobbles?"
--All of the above
(Religious convictions and safety laws are not always readily compatible when it comes to headgear.)
2) In Brisbane, Australia, turbans may now be worn in lieu of helments.
3) According to professional amateur fixie rider Seabiscuit, on his recreational bike ride through some of the most beautiful scenery in the world he will:
--"Crawl through several layers of hell"
--"Skid through several layers of tire"
--"Wear through several layers of pants"
--"Peel back his steely facade to reveal several layers of douchery"
(Is this the new Rapha pop-up café?)
4) The politically correct term for a Fred is:
--"Physically Active Bicycle Consumer" (PABC)
--"Differently-Abled Road Bike Enthusiast" (DARBE)
5) Finally set to debut this spring, the New York City bike share program will only be available in neighborhoods where residential real estate costs over $1,000 per square foot.
("Did somebody say bamboo?")
6) What is a "Bamboobee?"
--Yet another bamboo bicycle on Kickstarter
--An organic breast implant made entirely from bamboo
--An ironic world championship race for bamboo singlespeeds only
--A derogatory term for an Australian, similar to "didgeridouche"
(Is he buying a saddle or getting his prostate checked?)
7) Via a reader, this is apparently how Freds are choosing saddles now.
***Special "Looks Like Torture For Both You And The Dog"-Themed Bonus Video***
Just walk the damn dog and then go for your bike ride.