The ride, while short, was enough to reinvigorate and inspire my humiliated scranus. Here's another picture of the bicycle from a slightly different angle because why the fuck not?
I enjoy bicycle riding because each pedal stroke takes me that much closer to reaching my seasonal fitness goals, which as I understand it is the entire point. Another important aspect of cycling is social networking, so of course you can pore over the details of my nothing bicycle ride here on my Strava account. I did, however, fail to administer the all-important "peel a banana at speed" test, though I did slice a biali and slather it with cream cheese while trackstanding.
By the way, my ride took me to Hastings-On-Hudson, which you may remember as the town the New York Times recently declared to be the new hipster suburb:
("So where the fuck are all the hipsters?!?")
Yeah, right. "Hipster" my scranus. Most of the people I saw were wearing sweatpants, and while people debate endlessly over what makes someone a hipster, I think everyone can agree that there's no such thing as a hipster who wears sweatpants.
In other news, holy shit, I want to move to London!
So here in New York City we're about to totally abandon our bicycle infrastructure, whereas London is putting theirs theirs on EPO. Just check out the specs on this town!
--It's a real city, unlike Portland, which is a large woodland village for people who can't hack it in cities;
--It's committed to cycling;
--You can take a train to Paris and stuff;
--There's free health care, and even though that probably comes with a high tax rate I don't care because I don't plan to work;
--They speak a dialect of English that in certain circumstances and in certain wind directions I can understand.
So what's the catch? Well, OK, there's occasional rioting. Also, they still think fixies are cool. Worst of all, some of the people who live there are English. Still, it's a small price to pay.
By the way, I enjoyed the spirited Cat 6 race in the video:
I'm sure someone will complain that Boris Johnson is not wearing a helmnent, but it's fine because as you can see he's being escorted by an ambulance. In fact, as I understand it, as per the plan every London cyclist gets a personal ambulance escort, which will of course provide free medical attention when you get wheel-chopped by some fop on a Brompton.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll be thrilled, and if you're wrong you'll see a recumbent wheelsucker.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and drink responsively.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) According to an article forwarded by a reader, the Congressional Sportsmen's Foundation "opposes restrictions on high-capacity ammunition magazines, a ban on military-style AR-15 rifles and the imprinting of bullets with traceable serial numbers to help solve crimes."
Which company is a "Diamond"-level partner?
--Smith & Wesson
--The National Rifle Association
2) This homemade e-bike once belonged to Fabian Cancellara.
3) Volvo's new alert-and-brake system is great news for cyclists because it will:
--Make cyclists safer
--Make drivers more attentive
--Make collisions a thing of the past
--Allow cyclists to exact revenge on arrogant Volvo drivers by swerving in front of their cars intentionally and forcing the brakes to deploy
("Riding a folding bike and enjoying a Rolling Rock. Life just doesn't get any better," he said between heaving sobs.)
4) The storied "glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe" are actually in:
--Old Latrobe, PA
--New Latrobe, PA
--South Latrobe, PA
5) Late Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez's bicycle passed the "peel a banana at speed" test with flying colors.
--The opposite of false, which is true
--The opposite of true, which is false
6) Bicycle-powered honey production and bee-themed community outreach meeting? Must be:
--Old Latrobe, PA
7) That's no dummy! That's:
--The Lone Wolf
--Wikipedia Nonplussed Bib Shorts Guy
***Special Missed Connections Haircut-Themed Bonus Question***
Last summer on the Hudson River Greenway - m4w - 36 (Chelsea)
12th Ave. at W. 24th St.
This is a real shot in the dark, but I saw you last summer in June or July, near Pier 64 (I think) on the Hudson River Greenway. I was sitting on a park bench next to my bike (a black single-speed with green tires), as you strolled by with yours. Possibly you recall my haircut--_________________________________. You parked just a bit down from me and gave me some very warm smiles.
I was dating someone at the time, so I couldn't make good on your alluring glances. But my relationship unexpectedly came to an end shortly after that, and now I'd like to cross paths with you again.
What kind of haircut did he have?
--A "crooked mohawk-sprout kind of thing"
--"The kind that you might give a dog"
--A "truly magnificent combover blown wild in the summer wind coming off the Hudson"
--"Heavily moussed with frosted tips, a sentimental nod to my Jersey roots"