But first, I've received an important bit of information from a reader, which is that a Juggalo bike thief is on the loose in Santy Cruise, Californy:
Maybe he’s just messing with our heads, or maybe we should keep on eye on him. He’s an obese, white male with light brown to blond hair, about 6’2″ tall. Tattoos on both arms; left arm is a crab, right arm is
As I've always said, if you solve the Juggalo problem then you solve the bike theft problem, and if you don't believe there's a Juggalo problem than watch this video again, which I posted once before and which I learned about from Klaus of Cycling Inquisition:
American Juggalo from Sean Dunne on Vimeo.
I wonder if there are any Jewish Juggalos. I'd be shocked if there were, but you never know.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see Prof. Russolo and His Noise Intoners.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and stay out of those pants until Monday.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
(Sky Freds: Dork From Above)
1) This getup is called a:
--Flying squirrel suit
--Webbed crotch suit
--Moisture-wicking bishop vestement for the active clergyman complete with integrated scranal child-smuggling pouch
2) Taylor Phinney should use his much-lauded solo ride in this year's Tirreno-Adriatico as inspiration to:
--One day win the Tour de France
--Secure a position as team leader
--Start using performance-enhancing drugs
--Quit the sport and get a real job
(Worth every penny I'm sure.)
3) Dentists rejoice! Which company has finally introduced a $10,000 frameset?
(Crabon cilnchers: for the Fred who owns a Porsche with an automatic transmission.)
4) Freds rejoice! Mavic has developed a crabon cilncher wheelset that only costs:
(This could be you.)
5) Which is not one of ORICA GreenEDGE's "Top 5 Tips To Make It As A Pro Cyclist?"
--Be a team player
--Have a "fire in your belly"
--Cultivate and maintain an armadillo-like "scranus of steel"
6) In order to determine proper stem length, you should:
--Endure a lengthy bike-fitting session that incorporates lots of lasers and a technique that has umlauts in the name
--Solicit advice from people who post on Internet forums
--Use this formula: (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V
--Find a tube that puts your handlebars where you want them and then get on with your life
7) Kickstarter is a symptom of a sick and dying society.
***Special "We Get It, You're a Vegan"-Themed Bonus Video***