Monday, December 17, 2012

Under This Decorative Title There Are Words And Pictures!

New York City is doomed.  I give it 20 years at most before we make present-day Detroit look like the golden age of Rome, whenever that was.  I'm not talking about being doomed because of the natural disasters, either.  I'm talking about the fact that the rich people here have officially become too incompetent to spend their money:


Yes, even when armed with $1.5 million in purchasing power, they still can't find two-bedroom apartments in which to live:

But after a year and a half of aggressively looking, the couple still haven’t been able to make a deal. And that’s after broadening their search from South Williamsburg to nine other neighborhoods in Brooklyn and loosening their purse strings to a maximum of $1.5 million, up from their starting point of $800,000.

“I’m so frustrated,” said Ms. Jepson, noting that most apartments in their price range were either “chintzy,” or in a residential-commercial space that made getting a loan tricky. “I feel like we have great credit, all the financial documents and are willing to pay more, and we still can’t find what we’re looking for.”

When you can't find something you're looking for, there are generally two reasons:

1) What you're looking for doesn't exist;
2) You're not very smart.

Since two-bedroom apartments costing less than $1.5 million do indeed exist--even in post-hipster Brooklyn, and even without "chintz"--then it's probably time to start coming to grips with reason number two.  If our gentrifiers have indeed reached this profound level of ineptitude then I really can't see any hope for our civilization.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the New York Times, a model wants a bicycle for the Christingmass:



What She’s Hoping to Get: A bicycle. “Whenever I’m stuck in traffic, I always see people riding past, and I love the carefree feeling I always get from them,” she says. “Not to mention it’s a very environmentally friendly way to travel!”

I haven't got the heart to tell her that what she's mistaking for "carefree" is actually periods of inflated smugness punctuated by moments of abject terror as motorists do their best to kill you.

And while I'm on the subject of giving, if you're still looking for holiday gifts I recommend the following in order of how highly I recommend them, the topmost being the most recommended and so forth on down.  I hope that makes sense.  I guess I could have just said "in descending order" but it's too late now.  Fuck it:

1) These:

These are books that I wrote.  You can buy them anywhere they sell books, including the Internet, and you can even buy them in some places they don't usually sell books, barring the frozen food section at the local supermarket.  I don't care which one you buy.  Buy one, buy both, or don't buy any for all I care.  Jesus, I'm sorry I even brought it up.

2) Something from our sponsors.

By "ours" I mean "my," and by "sponsors" I mean the people who advertise on this blog.  Go ahead, look on the right side of the page, it won't hurt you.  One of those business concerns is probably selling something somebody you know would like.  If they don't, get some new friends.

3)  I don't care what you do beyond that.

Honestly, I really don't care what you do beyond that.  Go buy that model a bike for all I care.  Just buy my book(s) first.

Speaking of books, just because I wrote some doesn't mean I'm smart.  Paris Hilton also wrote a book, so there you go.  That's why it seems silly to expect me to use words right, as the person who sent me this email apparently does:

The pudding was named after the town, thus the TOWN is the eponym and not the pudding. It's an eponymous town.

Eponymous is one of those words that's maddeningly misused, mostly when referring to Led Zeppelin albums. As an artful wordsmith, I thought you'd like to know.  And besides, you're screwing up the Universal Simulation that is the entire point of our eponymous Universe.

This is in regard to last Friday's post, and while I genuinely appreciate the clarification I also can't help feeling both nonplussed and eponymous.  Yeah, I went to college or whatever, but the simple truth is that I don't have some kind of fancy education, nor was I even remotely intelligent or motivated enough to make the most of the mediocre one I got.  Just to give you a sense of my academic background, the most successful person my college ever graduated was this guy:



So there you go.  Again.

Also, in my defense, I did look up "eponymous" in the dictionary before I used it and this is what I found:


Then I clicked on the pronunciation and heard this.

By then I was so confused I'm amazed I managed to post anything at all.

Nevertheless, I'll make every effort to be more linguistically accurate in the future.

Eponymously,

--Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: Now onto the rest of the post.

Right.  So this past weekend I made the bicycle ride.  Specifically I made the mountain bicycle ride, and even more specifically I rode from my home to the traihead almost entirely on dirt paths and in about an hour.  (Suck it, Brooklyn.)  Anyway, if you've been riding a bike for more than six days you've doubtless heard a gazillion "Thank god I was wearing my helment" stories, but it's not very often that you hear the opposite.  Well, here's an "I wish I hadn't been wearing my helment" story for once.

So there I was, riding through the forest and gloating about how I don't live in Brooklyn anymore, when I encountered a rocky section of trails.  Here's what the section looks like:


It's actually pretty tricky if: a) You're approaching it from the other direction, which I was; and b) you suck at riding a bike, which I do.

Anyway, the first time through it I "dabbed," and so I made myself ride the section again, and then I "dabbed" again.  "Aw, fuck it," I thought.  "At least I don't live in Brooklyn anymore.  Suckers."  Then I clipped back in, continued on my way, and ducked under a low-hanging tree branch, at which point I promptly--not to mention painfully--wedged myself under it with my own head:


I can assure you it hurts when your own helment gets mashed onto your scalp like that, so I then turned around and looked at the eponymous branch with a nonplussed expression on my face:


Now, I always wear a helment when I do the mountain bicycle cycling, yet I totally would have cleared the branch if I had not been wearing a helment, since it's that extra inch of styrofoam what done me in.  And here's the resulting dimple:


So yes, since I didn't fall head-first onto those rocks, but I did get wedged under a tree branch, then I do wish I hadn't been wearing a helment.  Plus, because it's now got a tiny dimple in it, I'm sure I'm supposed to replace it--which I'm absolutely not going to do, even though its structural integrity is now compromised and I'M TOTALLY GOING TO DIE!

By the way, you're also supposed to replace your helment if it gets exposed to dandruff, styling products, or temperature fluctuations in excess of 5 degrees Fahrenheit [or mumblemumblemumble degrees celsius].

Of course, you might also point out that I'd have cleared the branch if I'd been riding a 650b bicycle instead of a 29er due to the additional clearance afforded by the slightly smaller wheelsize, but combining a helment debate with a wheel size debate can be fatal, and at the very least we'd all have to replace our helments afterwards.

Speaking of helments, did you know that a cardboard bike helmet could revolutionize head?

Oh, wait, sorry.  That's not right.  Let me try that again:


Damnit, still not right!  This SRAM DoubeTap computer mouse is so balky!  Why don't they go electronic already?!?  OK, one more time, as forwarded to me by a reader:


So how does this revolutionize head safety?  It's a protective shell you put on your head.  Now if was a suppository that somehow protected your head then that would be revolutionary.  Sure, it might be a bit uncomfortable, but at least you wouldn't get helment hair.



176 comments:

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

ding ding!

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Podium?

Anonymous said...

pud.

McFly said...

These are not the droids you are looking for.....

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Woohoo! Now to read.

3G said...

PUBES

F5 said...

Podium?

McFly said...

I practice the art of "Aggresively Looking" on a daily basis.

I stare because I care.

Anonymous said...

TOOP TEEN

Anonymous said...

yes

cycle

babble on said...

Hooooooray!! Words and Pictures!

crosspalms said...

eponymous branch

Tyler Hamilton's Chimera said...

I no do dee dope

Tyler make me do dee dope


hep me ...

Anonymous said...

Next time, stay home and just play with your hement.





balls™

Cristobol de Santa Cruz said...

Maybe Guttenburg is in training for 'Police Academy 69' 'coming' out Summer 2013. What the fuck N.Y.C., putting the rest of the world to shame since 1624! Go Jets Go!

McFly said...

For the record that healmeant infraction qualifies as a "dab".

babble on said...

I always figured I'd be the one to revolutionize head. Thanks for taking care of that for me, Snobberly.

Eponymous said...

Probably that branch was blown down by Sandy, which was caused by climate change, which is caused by the petroleum industry, which was necessary to make that helmet, and from what I heard the whole thing is being run by some goddam butterfly in Brazil flapping (that's flapping) its eponymous wings, so WTF is up with that. I think this simulation is still in beta.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

There was a time when I could ride such a trail section cleanly, but I suspect that time is long past.

As for the head knockin', I do that way too often at work; on 6" steam lines; without a helmet. Sucks being 6'2" in a 5'8" world. Maybe that Anirudha Surabhi guy can make an extra-light close-profile protective cap for my situation.

McFly said...

For the record head was revolutionized when Faye Lynn O'Daniel went from junior high to the 9th grade.

It was like she had Type II diabetes and your cock had insulin in it.

Dave said...

So how does this revolutionize head safety?

1) Now costs 99 cents. If it's accidentally covered in corrosive vulture crap you just toss it by the side of the road. Biodegradable, I'm sure.

2. Lack of ventilation holes protects head from aforesaid vulture crap, motorist spittle and other airborne undesirables.

3. Protective aura of aggressive Green Smugness envelops user. Awed onlookers applaud your Saving the Planet ingenuity. What's not to like?

Rollie Fingers said...

At least in the 80s they had the decency to mark that shit with warnings, like the gaudy "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" logo and the intolerable quacking honk of Robin Leach's PT Barnum routine, so you'd know when to change the channel before witnessing any serious douchèrie. Now they dress it up as news. "Here's what happened today out there in the only world of any importance."

Good fucking morning.

JB said...

Sorry, I'm delirious from the research and excitment of about-to-be-buying a new mountaining safety bicycle. (The last time I bought a new cycling bike, the internet did not contain 767 reviews of every componenent on every bicycle.)

Buffalo Bill said...

Cardboard dandruff, if you have it you need a new helment.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice photos Wildcat, Did you get a new camera?

Congrats JB. A new mountaining cycle is indeed a spasm of joy inducing event.

Anonymous said...

Two thoughts - 1) I was advised years ago that before writing a book (which I have done), read one.
2) I use my brain in my work. I wear a helmet. Snobby need not worry.

cycle

Anonymous said...

Advice from a professional bike rider...

Duck.

Next time.

Anonymous said...

Was the guy with no pants the successful one? I don't know this Guttenberg guy from Adam.

While you might have cleared under that branch without a helment, think of what might get snagged without any pants on. never do ANYTHING in the woods with no pants on.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Helment wedge to the green.

babble on said...

Do you know the best place to revolutionize head? In My secret sweet spot. Not under some cardboard dome.

Just sayin'... :)

Comment deleted said...

I have no way to process the Gutenberg pantsless-jogging phenomenon. The world just becomes more incomprehensible every day.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chiralspiral said...

Yorkshire isn't a town! If you're going to be a fucking pedant, you've got to get these things right.

babble on said...

Anon @ 12:42 - 'Cept poop. You don't want to do that with yer pant on.

Anonymous said...

If your bike is designed correctly wheel size doesn't really effect bottom bracket height, therefore you still suck and would still have gotten wedged under that tree.

moron...

good thing you weren't wearing my style of helmet

http://lynneliu.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/helmet_brass.jpg

Anonymous said...

I bought the second book Saturday.
It's teaching all about NYC bike culture, at least what wasn't included in the first book.

I sure am glad I don't live anywhere near NYC.

By the way, I have two friends who were, respectively, profs at NYU/Queens and at Stonybrook. They have assured me that there are no "hip" New Yorkers

...at all...

anywhere.

grog said...

WRM, I've done the same helment-bash on a tree and had the same thought as you did. However, I regularly fall down while trying to ride anyway, so I will continue my helment use.
Cardboard is flammable which you will quickly learn after a motorist flicks his lit butt onto you head and your flaming helment causes serious heat and smoke pollution thereby contributing to global warming and the need for non-plastic helments. the end
oh babe.

Fred Nifacent said...

Why bother with the helment, the Mayans said the world ends on Friday anyway.

Anonymous said...

SUNY Albany? Really?

That's like the CAAD9 of SUNY schools. Didn't get into purchase or something?

Frilly said...

Snobby--Just curious, were you pinned to the spot or did your bike go on without you?

The King of Park Slope said...

It's far too large to be a supository.

vantage said...

So what happens to the recycled cardboard content of the ventless shelled helment when the interior humidity rises from a vigorous effort on the bike ?

Mush.

Anonymous said...

That rock garden looks tame as fuck, you pussy. You shoulda 'maned-up', drank a redbull, and hit that shit big air style. Nothing get you more girls than sitting at the brewery with some smith optic goggles hanging from your neck while drinking a pint. Shheeiit

Rollie Fingers said...

Man, Gutenberg has come a long way down since writing the bible.

I am a terrorized engine said...

"actually periods of inflated smugness punctuated by moments of abject terror as motorists do their best to kill you."

I know the terror part, when am I going to feel the inflated smugness?

It seems as if your commute is alot less terror induced than mine.

Hungry Panda said...

vantage said...
So what happens to the recycled cardboard content of the ventless shelled helment when the interior humidity rises from a vigorous effort on the bike ?

It is a lot less environmental friendly if you need to spray the cardboard with polyurethane foam, maybe you could skip the cardboard and just use polyurethane foam.

What a great idea for a kickstarter project?

Cadel said...

Syphilis is not a virus, and that town is not a pudding.
If that's what you meant. If that's not what you meant then I'm sorry for being so dumb.

Anonymous said...

geesh - if I had 1.5 million lying around I'd buy an entire building in brooklyn, fix it up, and then sell off the apartments to those morons.

frilly said...

Really McFly?

agentdetroit said...

why do have to dog out detroit? i think you're too lazy to do your homework and are just jumping on the bash detroit bandwagon. i'd like you to see you come here and try that shit...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUdfLl0zc7A

The Tree said...

Yeah Bitch. Who's your daddy?

McFly said...

Maybe I should change the names to protect the innoc.......not so innocent.

Frilly said...

I mean c'mon already! The "shelf" is getting a bit chilly & lonely and my hand is worn out from the weekend. Fofonov did not retire! Seriously I'm about to start my own little revolution!

McFly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

Well get out there girl and fly your freak flag. Build it, and they will cum.

Yeah when I was a spindly lad in high school the sexually-advanced horny girls intimidated me and I gave them a wide berth but as I get older I realize thats the kind you want to marry.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I'm pretty sure that is oak, not eponymous.

McFly said...

If a retard gets his head hung in a tree in the woods, does anyone hear it?

Steve Guttenburg was makin' that tree his bitch and he did not even have pants on.

Frilly said...

You're right! I should probably shave my legs first.

Anonymous said...

"So this past weekend I made the bicycle ride."

Did anyone else hear this in a Jackie Mason/Henny Youngman voice?

Anonymous said...

RoyallyFingered, Gutenberg didn't write the bible, he just printed one. You must have gone to the same lousy community college that Wild Cat and that guy with no pants went to.

Even if you have to poop, you keep your pants on, just lower them a bit.

still Eponymously anonymous

Anonymous said...

Does inflatable smugness have schrader or presta valves?

Epo anon

29er said...

It's far too small to be a suppository.

Yarpo said...

Snobbo, would you rather have that ding in your helmeant or your head (skull, not the other one)? Will all the hotties gravitate to you when you walk into the bar with a blood-soaked skull AND the Oakleys or Smiths pushed back up above your hairline, as if everything was normal?

Gather ye rosebuds said...

e pony mouse is the new a nonny mouse.


yeah upper crust nyc bleeds hemophiliac tears about not being able too spend money correctly. Inbred shits. Meanwhile, out in the hinterlands life is actually interesting...

just saying.

Gather ye rosebuds said...

e pony mouse is the new a nonny mouse.


yeah upper crust nyc bleeds hemophiliac tears about not being able too spend money correctly. Inbred shits. Meanwhile, out in the hinterlands life is actually interesting...

just saying.

Anonymous said...

Snob, if I understand this correctly, not only do you suck at bicycle riding, you also suck at helmet wearing

Rollie Fingers said...

Anonymous@2:24 - No, I'm pretty sure Steve Gutenberg wrote the bible. It's fucking science. Look it up.

Anonymous said...

Nice work, good plugs.

No digs? Hire a Realtor who ain't got shit for brains.

Frilly said...

Speaking of plugs, I actually like that Rivendell stem charm thingamajiggy. Of course I could never put it on the road bike and cover up the Specialized S. And its much too pretty for the hybrid. I just know when I see it, I always mentally say a "Nice."

Then again it just could be the Tiffany box they show.

Anonymous said...

Woods valves. More quaint and artisanal.....

hey nonny mouse (wisnae me!)

Anonymous said...

Oh, Steve Guttenberg, the guy who played Jim Craig in "Miracle on Ice"

I loved that movie.

Herb Brooks lives!

Epo anonymous

JB said...

Inflatable smugness is tubeless. duh.

Thy Daily Spondee said...

Snob got out of the rat race, now he's stuck between a rock and a hard place.

JB said...

Isn't the Rivendell thing in the Tiffany box just a fancy-cut lug? If I gave that to wifey, she'd shove it up my...uh, nose.

McFly said...

You dumbasses Johannas Gutenburg was in Three Men and A Printing Press.

I CANNOT WORK WITH THESE AMATUERS!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

AMATEURS eu

Your welcome.

SPEL CHCK

McFly said...

That's such an epic, ironic uber-fail that I am going to leaf it for everyone to injoy.

McFly said...

Yo Frilly you not seen anything out there in the open market that fits the bill? Commmmmmmme onnnnnnnn don't tell me the dating world is swimming with douchebags and tools. Or douchebags with tools.

Anonymous said...

Wait - is that eponymous correcteur trying to tell you that that TOWN is not named after the PUDDING? What a moron!

babble on said...

Frilly! Gorgeous girl... three little words: Plenty of Fish.

Sooooo much fun.

xo xo

Douche' Bigelo said...

tubular presta panties

ge said...

THAT'S what eponymous means? If that's the case, I certainly hope it's the town that's eponymous and not the pudding, because, frankly, reading that definition has killed my appetite. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an R.E.M. album I have to listen to from a completely different viewpoint.

Nardwuar said...

doot doota loot doo ...

Comment deleted said...

Anonymous @ 3:00PM,

True, that Boston accent he did is one for the record books.

Dooth said...

Liu Wen, the next time I give you that carefree free feeling...maybe you can make breakfast, for once?

wishiwasmerckx said...

You know what's between Iraq and a hard place? Iran...

leroy said...

My dog observed that if that branch were a little lower, all BSNYC would want for Festivus was his two front teeth.

But I think my dog has confused Festivus with EPO NY mas.

BSNYC was just providing a holiday blood sample.

Rollie Fingers said...

You know what, eponymous might refer to what GAVE a name to something, but nonetheless I'm gonna argue that that is not a particularly useful concept and the word should therefore continue to be misused. Because "named after something" or "self-named" IS a useful concept and there's no good word for it. Everyone knows an album called Led Zeppelin something is by Led Zeppelin. Whereas what an album by Led Zeppelin might be called, is not so obvious and might actually need to be talked about with words.

"Led Zeppelin is the eponym of their first few albums."
"Well that's a relief, I thought they named Led Zeppelin I through III after the fucking Rolling Stones."

** scene **



"Hey I just bought Led Zeppelin II."
"Oh really, who's it by?"
"Screw you."
"No, seriously."
"It's by the eponymous band."

** scene **

Anonymous said...

Mighty head (wind) today.

"If I weren't a professional cyclist, I'd be a porn star"

Anonymous said...

I was supprised to see the Freddly crabon helmet.... or worse if it's a wanabe Fred Crabon "look" Helmet.

Anonymous said...

There is such a thing as cardboard that is coated to resist moisture penetration. They use it to pack meat products. Yeah! Upcycle that! It's going to work perfect, and you can't use it for anything else anyway! I have nothing to say! Bye!

Anonymous said...

I mean nothing else!

Aerononymous said...

Slipstreaming my way into your coffee at a greasy spoon near you...

Anonymous said...

Regarding the message about the incorrect use of eponymous:

YORKSHIRE IS NOT A TOWN.

The glorious geographical ignorance of the Yanks continues.

Dr. Evil said...

Great idea. Meat (box) helments!

Dooth said...

Do your books have audio versions? I'd like to play them whilst making love to Liu Wen. She wants to double-down on that carefree feeling.

Pervy Pervison said...

I LOVE SLIP-N-SLIDES!

They're all wet-n-slippery with extreme wetness at the end.

Can I go again? Yeah? Awesome.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Yorkshire's a county, right...

Telegram Sam said...

Within a month of taking up bike cycling after a 25-year hiatus, I had no less than nine people give me the concerned/horrified "YOU DON'T WEAR A HELMET???" speech, complete with personal anecdotes of near-death experiences. Mostly by some friend or friend of a friend of theirs. I ignored them until it just got too overwhelming and their collective concern was actually effecting my bike cycling experience and generally damaging my mojo. So I wear a fucking hemlet not to keep from dying or turning into a vegetable or whatever, but because I just don't want to be looking down from heaven at their told-you-so smug-ass nodding and lip smacking. Only my dad held his ground and basically called me a pussy, on Facebook.

Telegram Sam said...

NYU... Queens and Stony Brook. Like Paris in the 20s.

Telegram Sam said...

God, who gives a shit? Brits still act like they own the world and everyone should be aware of their obscure,, twee geography. York is a dumpy city with a nice castle and the Shire is where Hobbits live. That's all we need to know.

annonymoose said...

You hit yer head and didn't die! It's Festivus Miracle!

Jesus said...

You don't have to apologize to me, my son, for "bringing it up", your wife is going to need the apology.

I'm sorry, I mean, I am really sorry(giggle).

Flammer said...

If you have already ascertained who will wipe your arse and feed you glop on a plastic spoon for the rest of your miserable existence, then don't wear a helmet. With a health care system only out-empoverished by Albania, I'm sure you'll have a short stay in the dementia ward of an aged facility because their isn't anywhere else for your brain injured carcass to atrophy.

The cardboard helmet would help. It looks as though if one hit the deck at the correct angle, one's head would take on the appearance of a potato that has been processed by one of those miracle kitchen aids as seen on TV. The suffering ends. A Darwin award is in order.

Anywayz, I found my nipple. The Fulcrum vid show how one simply shakes it out of the valve hole. The said nipple is 6 mm by 9 mm. ( millimetres are really small measurements, A-mericans) Problem: outer valve hole too small. Resorted to a 1 mm allen key to penetrate the Italian nipple inside the cavity, turned the wheel over and it slipped through the inner valve hole. Getting the nipple back into position was another ordeal. Suffice to say I used a handy Zip tie to relocate it.

babble on said...

Your mum never taught you the importance of kindness and good manners, then?

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

How come all pro-helment comments have that vaguely threatening tone?

McFly said...

ERGON'S INSTALLED AND READY FOR TEST FLIGHT BEECHEZ!!!

Let's seeee there's me, RCT, BSNYC....pretty much all the cool kids.

(The fact that the primary instruction language is German is bad-ass)

Anonymous said...

Valves? Valves?

Ain't no surf in Portobello.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSSC7o8s_SM

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Still in disbelief on the Guttenberg thing.

My school's claim to fame is Kevin Costner, king of narcissistic epics and baseball movies.

At least with the Guttenberg thing, I know I can attach the extra Knogs to his pendulous member. The other Knogs I bought are on my bike.

Hillary Clinton said...

I wasn't riding a bike, but I sure wish I was wearing a helment!

McFly said...

Oh wow another Clash cover band.

That is A Train In Vain if I ever did see one.

ken e. said...

that' a fine song. back at you britain, et all. not as good as the new black tornado ep...

the manvils - turpentine

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bike Snob, don't blame the helmet blame the brain. Normal brain sees a branch, advises body to "duck." Good to see your wearing a helment when mountain biking.

Helment Hitler said...

You vill vear de helment!

1speed said...

What type of head protection would Jesus wear? A thorny issue to be sure.

Webster Douche' said...

Cipodaciosity n. (Cee Poe daciousosi tee) 1. Pleasuring a woman and reducing her to a state of semiconsciousness without the use of drugs or external stimuli. 2. The act of outsprinting the peloton just prior to stage finish at the head of the team train in the Tour de France as he did 17 times.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Dang Flammer, Do you suffer from chronic constipation? Is there a corncob stuck in there?

Anonymous said...

Yo Frilly PoundTown recieved a 5.1 Rictor Scale quake earlier.


Like a bawssssssssssssss....

McFly said...

Dang Babble image #9 makes me lick the air involuntarily.

You know what rhymes with thickthigh? McFly...here we go.

There once was a girl with thick thighs...
They were sentrys for her meat pie...
Her Electra is clickin'...
That pie needs a lickin'...
Vagina...

My head hurts said...

Wear helment or immafuckingkillyou.

(There ya go, not just vaguely threatening - listen to Mikael Colville-Anderson on Car Culture and Fear for why the helment guys are so hostile).

Mr Bubble said...

Maybe those poor dears can't find a nice $1.5M apartment because Mr Bernanke is printing $85,000,000,000 dollars each month. That's a cool trillion a year finding it's way into NYC bankers pockets.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Hey McFly, I'd rock/rub/run some Ergons on my commuter, but they won't go on my Scott AT4s.

I guess I'm just too uncool.

Frilly said...

Thank you Babbs. You are quite lovely also. The problem is I hate to fish. I watched a documentary about tigers the other night. They are solitary creatures until they're in the mood, only then they seek another tiger. Once the deed is done, they go their separate ways back to their solitary lives. I could be a tiger.

Frilly said...

Giddy-up Anon 10:30!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Frilly, without your trademark avatar, I cannot get past the suspicion that we might have an impostor in our midst.

Frilly said...

wiwm--don't be cynical. Of course it is moi! In fact, I was thinking if Santa would drop Tom Boonen under my tree that would really make things less complicated. And Lob knows I got the BUMP to satisfy his cocaine tendencies.

Satisfied?

bikesgonewild said...

...look...i'm not a brit but even i know it's pronounced - "...yorkshire..." NOT "...yorkshire...", okay ???...

...got that ???..."...yorkshire..."...

...work on that...

Paul Bowen said...

I come from Yorkshire! Least ways, I come from a town that was in Yorkshire when I was born. It moved.

Anonymous said...

DOUBLE-HANDLE SLIP-N-SLIDE WITH BONUS WET ENDING!!!

(It's wet for your slippin' pleasure)

McFly said...

Ahhhhhhhhh the Scott AT4, the veritable Swiss Army Knife of Handlebars. There is a basic position for every possible scenario. Also known as the Babble On of handlebars.

JB said...

So, with the impending bike purchase, I think I'm going to make the leap to clipless (mountain and road bikes both have clips). I'm thinking Shimano. Anyone know of a decent shoe that will work for both mountaining and roadening?

Anonymous said...

Dear Smug Grammar Nazi,

You got upset about misuse of eponymous, and then you put a misplaced modifier in your email. When you wrote, "As an artful wordsmith, I thought you'd like to know," you probably meant, "I thought that you, as an artful wordsmith, would like to know."

Sincerely,
Kettle

Or Pot. Or whatever.

Paul Bowen said...

@JB: If you're only going to buy one, buy offroad because you can use them on the road whereas the vice is less versa because unrecessed cleats.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey JB Crank Bros egg beaters. I use them on my road and mtb. Various models from about $40.00 bucks up to several hundred if you want a fancy ti spindle. Best clipless system I think but opinions are like assholes everybodies got one.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

egg beaters

McFly said...

Lake CLX170 Mountain shoe. the BOA system with the dial on the back is so clean looking. I have been using the road model for 2 years without incident and have a mountain pair under the tree. They are very reasonable.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I've got a set of Lake road shoes they are very nice and comfy but I gave up on the stupid road cleats years ago. Like Paul Bowen says I just use my mountain shoe for everything.

I wear my sandals on the bent.

Anonymous said...

JB...my shoes work great. Best shoes ever, dude...get some like mine.

McFly said...

The SPD cleat on a Lake CLX Mountain model is recessed.

I do have some Pearl Izumi's with laces and a more plyable sole that are nice for ground work.

McFly said...

Hey look at us talking about bikes and stuff.

babble on said...

Shoes? We're talking bikes AND shoes? Oh goody. Two of my favourite things!

The real question is:

When will Jimmy Choo recognize the need for 5" stilettos with cleats? HMMMMM???

babble on said...

Frilly, dear girl... there is no doubt you are a Tiger, avatar or no.

Go get 'em, Tiger.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yeah it's almost humorous and a little ironic when an actual serious bike or bike equipment related discussion occurs on this comment board.

That's why I threw in the bit about the sandals. Keeping it real.

Gonad the barbarian said...

I no wear fook'in helment!

The soap for Mouth Co. said...

You know what Bradley Wiggins calls helmets don't you.

McFly said...

http://www.procyclingmiami.com/

Awwwwwwwwwwwww yeaaaaaaahhh.

The Tour De Paris.

The BIGGEST bikecycle race that has ever graced our fair village.

And by biggest I mean only.

Cat 5 glory I am looking at you.

McFly said...

http://www.active.com/cycling/buchanan-tn/tour-de-paris---tennessee-2013

Sorry, that first one is being contrary.

Cipo said...

I knew a chick who could swallow a helmet whole or a whole helmet. I don't know which usage is right, I skipped that class to get a ride in.

grbiker88 said...

This is only a test

Liu Wen said...

This carefree feeling is starting to burn and a blister is starting to surface.....

babble on said...

Holy Fuck. Instagram just wrote a suicide note into it's terms and conditions. They just declared that they have the right to sell users photos without compensating the user.

EEEEEJITS

babble on said...

I can do that, too, except that you don't actually swallow the helmet. It just heads down the throat for a bit and then comes back out again.

Sorry... TMI?

crosspalms said...

Mr. Google tells me that "Yorkshire is a town in Cattaraugus County, New York, United States. The population was 3,913 at the 2010 census." He doesn't say anything about eponymous puddings.

McFly said...

OH lord BO my ex-girlfriend showed up after a year or so break-up(this was eons ago) and performed that very manuver and blew my mind.

I said, "Did you go to a fucking seminar or something?". True Story.

babble on said...

Heeeeeey, now that's a good idea. A semen seminar!! I could teach people how to perform that little trick...

That would really revolutionize head!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Babs you might also consider a video presentation and maybe a line of self-help videos. You know reach a broader audience and all.

JB said...

Thanks for the shoe/pedal info. I'm leaning toward Shimano (mtn. style) as I've read about bad reliability issues with CBs. I just need some mtn shoes that won't get me laughed at (any more than usual) on a road ride.

Anonymous said...

Snobby dearest,

Your Bike Snob journal (with the semi-blank pages) was available at my local grocery store, in the endcap of the... wait for it... frozen food section.

Yes, your books (well, at least one) are available in the frozen food section of the local grocery store.

Granted it was Metropolitan Market, sitting right on the Burke-Gilman bike and walk trail in Seattle. Maybe they are obliged to pander to cyclists.

I do regret I didn't buy the journalling-book. Then I'd've had the complete Bike Snob set.

Anonymous said...

Duuuuuuuude, I just wandered to amazon.com to buy the BSNYC journal and it's not there. I'm distraught! I could have been the proud owner of 4 BSNYC printed objects! (BSNYC III available in James May 2013). How does one buy the journal if neither amazon nor the frozen food section has it?

Anonymous said...

Bike Journal http://www.chroniclebooks.com/bike-journal.html

Happy shopping!

Dept of K9 Intelligence said...

McFly, did you really write that little meat pie gingle or did Leroy's Dog?

Builder said...

http://www.architizer.com/en_us/blog/dyn/70029/tricycle-house-and-garden/#.UOCfKYnjn8E

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